Murphy Brown Season 5 Episode 19 Bump In The Night
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00:00You thought someday we'll be together, oh yeah, oh yeah, you're far away from me, my love, but just as sure, my, my baby, is there a star above?
00:27Wanna say, wanna say, wanna say, wanna say, wanna say something, something you'll be together, yes, do it, yes, do it, yes, do it, yes, do it, yes, do it, yes, do it, yes, do it.
00:40Some sweet day, some sweet day.
00:44Police are saying the pair survived the six-story fall, only because Fontana was able to distract Stebbins long enough for rescue workers to get an inflatable mattress in place.
00:57Stebbins, a vice president with Soloway Brothers Investment Firm, is now leading federal investigators through that company's records in what is being called the financial scandal of the decade.
01:11This is so exciting. You've been on the front page of every paper in the country. Isn't it exciting, Murphy?
01:20Oh, yeah, it's very exciting.
01:22So, is everybody ready to order?
01:23You know, it's pretty amazing. You start out doing what you think is just another story. Before you know it, it explodes into the biggest thing you've ever done.
01:30I'm telling you, the last three days, I've been on Larry King.
01:33I've been on Larry King.
01:35I've done it.
01:35Meet the press.
01:36I've done it.
01:37Not to mention Night Live.
01:39I've done it three times. Been to Ted's house twice.
01:42Well, I think someone at this table is having a nice big plate of sour grapes for lunch. Wonder who it could be.
01:49Oh, okay, please. I'm sure Murphy's as excited for Frank as the rest of us are.
01:53Isn't that right, Slugger?
01:54Oh, you bet. After all, I gave Frank this story. Yep. It was originally my story, but I passed it on to him. He did the work. He deserves the glory. This business is horribly unclear. Can we order?
02:06Hey there, everybody. What can I get you?
02:09Burger, fries, club soda, and it was originally my story.
02:13As usual.
02:15Frank, you're not going to believe this. What are you doing this Thursday night? Don't even tell me, because you're not doing it.
02:22I just got the call. They want you to be on late night with David Letterman.
02:26What? Oh, my God.
02:27Oh, fuck that. Isn't that the fellow who's on past midnight?
02:31Wait a minute. Come on. Are you kidding? You've got to be kidding. You're kidding.
02:34Not kidding. Not kidding. They heard about your story. They love the part about falling off the building.
02:40Oh, God. I just realized I left Al Gore on hold to take the call from Letterman's people. I better get back there.
02:45Wait a minute. What am I worried about? He's the vice president now. What else does he have to do?
02:49Oh, God. Congratulations, Frank.
02:53Oh, thank you.
02:54You know, I've always thought that I'd be a natural for Letterman.
02:57He said, Julia Child's on Paul Prudhomme. I got stories you could kick their butts.
03:03Remember that time that the pickled egg got away from me and landed down Gene Kirkpatrick's blouse?
03:10What do you do with that one?
03:11Unless maybe you could talk me up with Letterman a little bit, sir.
03:16Oh, yeah. I don't know, Phil. You know, I'm just going on as a guest. It might not be the right thing to do.
03:21Oh, sure. Sure, I understand.
03:26You have a great time on the show.
03:29I'll be here changing the fat in a deep fryer.
03:33Oh, yeah. You call her me contendent.
03:43Oh, Murphy, do you know what I just realized?
03:46Oh, no, no, no.
03:47If you had only kept the Silent Way Brothers story, you'd be the one going on Letterman.
03:52No, no, no, no, no.
03:54You've never been on Letterman, have you, Murphy?
03:57Oh, yeah. The irony's just piling up around me now.
04:00Oh, no, no, no. Frank, listen, I wish you the best of luck.
04:04Letterman's a mercurial guy, always in a good mood the night you're on.
04:09I'll never forget that night he tore into Jessica Tandy.
04:13I'll always remember her cowering in her chair, calling out Hume's name over and over again.
04:20All right, Murph, let's clear the air here.
04:23Yes, you gave me the story, but I was the one who ran with her.
04:26I mean, you might have approached it from an entirely different angle.
04:29You might not have even been there when the guy went out on the ledge.
04:32And even if you were, I really doubt you would have gone out there after.
04:35Well, that's where you're wrong, Frank.
04:37That's exactly what I would have done.
04:38And I'll tell you something else.
04:40On that six-story drop, I would have gotten a quote.
04:43Unlike you, who the crew heard screaming, Mommy, the entire way there.
04:46I'm going on Letterman.
04:48You've never been on Letterman.
04:50I'm going on Letterman.
04:52I'm going on Letterman.
04:54Hi, I was in the neighborhood.
05:03Hi.
05:05Come on in.
05:13Okay, okay, okay, I'll go first.
05:16Thank you for the story.
05:18I really appreciate it, and I'm sorry for being a jerk.
05:23No, Frank.
05:24What happened today was all my fault.
05:27I don't know what my problem was.
05:29I heard this stuff coming out of my mouth, and I couldn't stop myself.
05:34It's like somebody else got a few minutes in the spotlight, and I flipped out.
05:38I don't want you to flip out.
05:40I want you to be happy for me.
05:41You're right, Frank.
05:42You're my buddy.
05:43I should be happy for you, and I'm going to start right now.
05:51Okay, I'm happy now.
05:54I'm very happy for you.
05:57I'm feeling kind of a warm glow.
06:00Oh, that's the heating vent.
06:02Yeah, I don't want you to pull a muscle or anything, Murph.
06:05Take your time.
06:05No, no, no.
06:06I can get this.
06:08I know.
06:09The night you're on Letterman, I'll have a party.
06:12The whole gang can come over and watch.
06:14Murph, I have a better idea.
06:15The show sent me two plane tickets.
06:17Why don't you come with me to New York?
06:18Be at the taping.
06:19No, Frank.
06:20It's your night.
06:21You don't want me tagging along.
06:22Look, I wouldn't even be doing this if it wasn't for you.
06:25But, Fliss, I'll tell you the truth.
06:26I'm a little nervous.
06:27You know, you've done this talk show thing a lot more than I have.
06:29You can give me some pointers.
06:31Okay, I'll come along.
06:33But you're going to do great.
06:34Well, I guess.
06:35You know, Letterman's not that bad.
06:37I mean, that thing you said about him and Jessica Tandy, you were kidding, right?
06:44So, what are you going to wear on the show?
06:49Oh, God.
06:50And this is our green room, Mr. Fontana.
06:57You can relax in here before you go on.
06:59You know, Caroline, it's a funny thing.
07:01Well, I've never been a guest on this show.
07:04I don't know.
07:04It just strikes me as kind of odd.
07:06Does it seem kind of odd to you?
07:08I work in television, Miss Brown.
07:10I don't consider myself a good judge of odd.
07:15Nice answer.
07:16Now, let me introduce you to some of our guests.
07:19This is John Rennie.
07:20He's an exciting young comedian, and it's his first time on the show.
07:23Hi, Frank Fontana.
07:25So, your first time or two, huh?
07:27Yeah.
07:28A little nervous, but I'll be okay.
07:30I'm seeing how many new parts of my body I can sweat out of.
07:34I don't blame you for being nervous.
07:36I'll never forget the first time I was on national television.
07:40All I could think about were those millions and millions of people out there watching me.
07:46I thought my head was going to explode.
07:50It was like someone was sticking pins into my arm.
07:52And right over here.
07:55We have Mrs. Kobolakis.
07:56She has trained birds.
07:58Oh, no kidding.
07:59You got birds in there?
08:00Let's see.
08:01Oh, please.
08:01My babies must have calm and quiet before this show.
08:07Okay.
08:11Five minutes to curtain, Polly.
08:13Ah.
08:15Please step this way and let the birds rest.
08:18Mr. Fontana, the basic rundown.
08:21You're going to be our second guest tonight.
08:23Then Mrs. Kobolakis and the birds, and we'll wrap up the show with John.
08:27If I get pumped, it's okay.
08:28I can come back another time.
08:30Put your head between your legs, John.
08:31You'll be fine.
08:33I've got some cards from Mr. Fontana.
08:35Why don't we run through what you're going to be talking to Dave about?
08:38Of course, we'll start with your big story.
08:39It was my story, but I gave it to him.
08:42We worked it out.
08:43It was no problem.
08:44Great.
08:45Then we'll run through the parachuting into the Bolivian jungle story,
08:49and then the story where you've been in.
08:50Excuse me.
08:51Do you mind if I just tell it?
08:52You know, I don't think you want to tell the parachute story, Frank.
08:58Everyone knows where it's going after the first sentence.
09:01Oh, God.
09:02That Heather Locklear story.
09:05Oh, boy.
09:07We're dragging out all the old chestnuts tonight.
09:09Actually, Ms. Brown, you're not supposed to touch the cards.
09:13Sorry.
09:15I don't know if we'll be able to fiddle in, but I brought my saxophone.
09:20Look, it worked for Bill Clinton, right?
09:25Dave doesn't want to have any musical instruments on the show this month,
09:29but it's great that you play.
09:30Now, is there anything else that you need to know?
09:32Well, look, not that I'm worried, but, um, how's Dave feeling tonight?
09:38Dave is in a great mood, and he's really looking forward to talking with you.
09:40Oh, good.
09:41Listen, I wonder if I could say hello to him before the show.
09:44You know, just touch base.
09:45Actually, Dave doesn't like to talk to his guests before airtime.
09:48He feels it hurts the spontaneity of the show.
09:50When I did the Tonight Show, Ed McMahon stopped by my dressing room before the show to say hello.
09:55Murph, it's okay.
09:57Yeah, it's okay, but it's not Johnny.
10:02Caroline, hi, Terry.
10:07How are you?
10:08Oh, I'm fine.
10:11I was just wondering, is Dave being something planned for tonight, something that I don't know about?
10:16Because I was taking a shower in my dressing room.
10:19This is weird, and I had the strangest feeling that somebody was watching me.
10:24No, as far as I know, there's nothing planned.
10:27Oh.
10:28So if somebody was watching me, it wasn't for the show?
10:31Okay, well, it's okay.
10:32Oh, it's Terry Garr.
10:37Do you realize what this means?
10:38It's going to be a great show.
10:39It's always a great show when Terry's on.
10:42Hi, I'm Terry Garr.
10:44Frank Fontana, it is a real pleasure to meet you.
10:47Boy, I saw you out on that ledge.
10:48What an incredible story, Dave.
10:50It was originally my story.
10:52I gave it to him.
10:53Good to see you, Murphy Brown.
10:55Oh, nice to meet you, Murphy.
10:56Boy, I can't believe you fell that far.
10:58You are really, you, you've got guts.
11:02Oh, thank you.
11:03A few more feet to the right or left, and we all would have seen them.
11:07That's funny, but...
11:09Anyway, Terry, I guess after tonight, we're both going to be Letterman alumni, huh?
11:17Well, it looks that way.
11:18But what were you feeling when that falls?
11:20You know, Terry, I can't get over it, but I have never been a guest on this show.
11:25Doesn't that seem a little odd to you?
11:27Yeah, I wonder where that is.
11:29Oh, I know.
11:30Oh, no, I'm wrong.
11:34Something else.
11:36What?
11:37Oh, nothing.
11:38I just, um...
11:39It's...
11:40I thought I remembered Dave saying something about you, but I think he must be kidding.
11:45You should be on the show.
11:47It's really fun.
11:48So, Frank, you...
11:49Well, I'm sure it's fun, but it's no, it's a night show with Johnny.
11:53Am I right?
11:54Oh, I don't know.
11:55Ed McMahon kept asking me to be a judge on Star Search.
11:58It got kind of uncomfortable, you know?
12:00Hey, Montana, let's get you into makeup.
12:04You have got about ten minutes.
12:06Can I get you anything?
12:07Do you have any bottled water?
12:08In the fridge under the table.
12:12Nice guy.
12:13Oh, he's great.
12:15You know, I loved you in that movie you did with Al Pacino.
12:19What was that?
12:21Al Pacino?
12:23I didn't do anything.
12:23Oh, no, sorry.
12:24My mistake, it wasn't you.
12:26It was Ellen Barkin.
12:29Oh.
12:30Well, I could see where you would, um...
12:33Al and I both are blondes.
12:35It's a common mistake.
12:37She's very good.
12:43Boy, where did I hear your name recently?
12:45It'll drive me crazy if I don't remember.
12:47Maybe it was Ellen Barkin's name.
12:49No, no, no.
12:55It was your name.
12:56Oh, I know.
12:57It was one of the guys on our crew.
12:58That's right.
12:59It was one of our grips.
13:01He did the last movie he did.
13:03It was something in Portugal.
13:06A grip?
13:07Really?
13:08What was his name?
13:09Brian.
13:11Sanders.
13:11Brian Sanders.
13:12Uh-huh.
13:16Boy, he is always talking about that job in Portugal.
13:21Word on the stage has it that he got involved in some steamy thing with one of the actresses
13:25on the project.
13:27And when they wrapped up filming, he told them he had to go back to his wife.
13:31The actress flipped out.
13:33Seems like the jerk didn't tell her he was married.
13:36It's typical, huh?
13:38You know, sometimes when an actress is on location, away from home, vulnerable, and someone
13:44offers her a little kindness, you know, maybe offers to unplug a clogged sink in her trailer
13:49or something, she's like, oh, oh, no.
13:53It was you?
13:54I had no idea.
13:55I'm so sorry.
13:57And then there's the time difference.
13:58You know, for the first couple of days, you don't even know where you are.
14:02Have you ever had Portuguese wine?
14:04It's very strong.
14:05Okay, Terry, let's get you backstage and in place.
14:10What's wrong?
14:13Nothing.
14:14Allergies?
14:15It's probably the birds.
14:18You might want to tell Frau Bucher it's time to change the meaning.
14:22Come on, Terry.
14:26Hey, Terry, have a good one.
14:28So I went to the groomers, and when they brought Pinky out, and this is the funny part, I had
14:41asked for clear nail polish, and, um, oh, God, this is a stupid story.
14:50It's, uh, I was thinking, I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do it.
14:55I just can't be all cute and funny or whatever.
14:58I just can't.
15:01Terry, can I just sit here?
15:08Yeah, I used to talk about your lead balloon.
15:13Way to go, Terry.
15:14Why don't you get the joe off on the right foot?
15:16All I have to do is get past the first joke.
15:21Just get through the first joke, and it's smooth sailing.
15:24Hey, I've got no idea.
15:25Why don't you run that first joke by me?
15:27I'm a great audience.
15:28You can give a little practice.
15:29No, I don't think so.
15:31No, no, no, really.
15:32I am an easy laugh.
15:33Go on.
15:34Well, okay, um, I come out, and then, after the applause, I say, uh, well, looks like the
15:42Prince Charles, Princess Di breakup is being handled pretty much like any other couples.
15:47She's being awarded child custody, and the prince is being given monthly moat privileges.
15:54That's good.
15:55Really?
15:56That's really funny.
15:57Oh, thank you very much.
15:59It's even funnier than when Leno told it the other night.
16:04What?
16:05He, um, he did my joke?
16:08Well, it wasn't exactly your joke, but it was something about Prince Charles, Princess
16:11Diana, the breakup, custody, the moat, but it wasn't exactly the same.
16:16You kidding?
16:18That's my big joke.
16:20Leno did my joke.
16:21I'm sure it wasn't the same joke.
16:24It was probably nothing like it.
16:26Right, Merv?
16:26No, it was pretty close.
16:29Leno did my joke.
16:31I can't go on national television and tell a moat joke Leno told.
16:36People think I stole it.
16:37Oh, my God.
16:39I used the word moat seven more times in my act.
16:43I had no act.
16:44What am I going to do?
16:47Give me one of those birds.
16:51Death of me.
16:52You're on drugs.
16:53So, you'll tell another joke.
17:01Oh, here's a great one.
17:02These two rabbis walk...
17:03No!
17:05All right, everybody.
17:06Slight change of plans.
17:08The audience seems to need a jump start.
17:10So, Mr. Fontana, we're going to push you back into the third spot, and, John, you'll be going out next.
17:15Oh, my God!
17:17Are you sure I shouldn't get out there first?
17:19This will be better.
17:20We ship things around all the time.
17:21John, why don't you come with me?
17:23I'm dead.
17:25I'm a dead man.
17:26Oh, you'll be fine.
17:28You've got that great moat joke.
17:29Come on, after that, everything's gravy.
17:37You're going to kill!
17:39Nice kid.
17:40He's gonna kill.
17:41He's gonna kill.
17:48He's not doing too well, is he?
17:50Well, that's not that bad.
17:52Turn up the sound.
17:53It is up.
17:58Wow.
18:00How am I supposed to follow that?
18:03Nice going, Murph.
18:04You just ruined that kid's debut.
18:05I hope you know that.
18:06Me?
18:06What did I do?
18:07I just tried to help him avoid a pitfall.
18:09Besides, these young performers work best under pressure.
18:12Should he be doubled over like that?
18:19Okay, everyone.
18:20Another change of plans.
18:21We don't seem to be having a lot of luck with our human guests.
18:24So, Mrs. Kobolakis, you and the birds are going out next.
18:27Excuse me, the birds are next?
18:28Don't worry.
18:29Once everything is back on an even keel, you'll be out next.
18:32I'll send the stagehands in to get the cages.
18:35Murph!
18:36Stay away from the birds.
18:39I'm not taking any chances.
18:41A few minutes near you, they'll fly out into the studio and peck out Paul Schaefer's eyes.
18:46Why don't sit here and say a word?
18:56Tell me, when these birds get too old to perform, will you eat them?
18:59You're watching the Murph...
19:05You've got to look at these birds.
19:10They're really good.
19:11She's got them dressed up as characters from West Side Story.
19:16Oh, wow!
19:18Look at the rumble!
19:20Sir, Murph, will you just shut up?
19:23This is a nightmare.
19:25It's a nightmare.
19:26I am supposed to be out there right now.
19:27You hear those laughs?
19:28Those are my laughs.
19:30Oh, excuse me.
19:32How was I supposed to know comedians need to be handled with a kid grump?
19:35How was I supposed to know Terry Garra had a problem with one of our grips?
19:38What?
19:39What did you say to her?
19:42You're the one who sent Terry into the dumper?
19:46What is the matter with you?
19:48What is your problem?
19:50Okay, you're getting worked up now.
19:53Come here, come here.
19:54Take a look at this.
19:55Uh-oh.
19:56Looks like Maria just had a little accident on the fire escape.
20:02You know, you're right.
20:04This isn't your fault.
20:06It's my fault.
20:06I should have listened to that little voice in my head.
20:09When I asked you to come to New York, it said,
20:10Don't do it, Frankie.
20:12She'll screw it up for you, Frankie.
20:15Did it ever occur to you that this might be important to me?
20:19That this might be an opportunity for me to be funny and clever in front of an audience?
20:23All I wanted was a little support.
20:26And look what happens on the closing act for a cockatiel in stiletto pumps.
20:31Well, go ahead.
20:35Make a joke.
20:36Come up with some excuse like you always do.
20:38I can't.
20:44Because you're right.
20:47You know, I have a little voice inside me, too.
20:50And where there's a spotlight, it starts telling me to get in it.
20:54I swear to you, Frankie, I don't do it on purpose.
20:57I wish I could tell you that it'll never happen again.
21:00But I don't want to lie to you.
21:02If I could change this, I think I would have done it by now.
21:06So what am I supposed to do?
21:11Forgive me.
21:14Because I'm not perfect.
21:16Because I'm your best friend.
21:20Because I'm the only person you know who'll go to your ex-girlfriend's weddings with you
21:24and tell them you're the greatest lover I've ever had.
21:26It is not going to work this time, Murphy.
21:33This time, I've had it with you.
21:38Jeez, Frank.
21:39You don't really mean that to you?
21:42Yes, I do.
21:46For at least the next hour.
21:50Mr. Fontana, I am so sorry.
21:53But Dave loved the West Side Story bit so much, he's letting the birds do Les Mis.
22:00I'm afraid we're not going to have time for you tonight.
22:03Oh, man.
22:05Uh, hold it just one minute.
22:08No, no, no.
22:08I want to say something.
22:09Maybe you aren't aware of this, but Mr. Fontana is a very well-respected newsman
22:14who is charming and funny and not afraid to leap off a building.
22:17You do not bump a man like this off the show.
22:20Now, what are we going to do about it?
22:22Well, we might have enough time for Mr. Fontana to go out and wave to the crowd.
22:28Maybe I didn't make myself clear.
22:31Frank Fontana does not wave.
22:33You do not throw this man a bone.
22:36He is a man of respect, a man of integrity.
22:39He is not about to be humiliated like that.
22:42I want to wave.
22:44Frank, it's a wave.
22:46It's nothing.
22:47Look, I don't care.
22:47My parents are going to be watching this show tonight.
22:49It's the first time they've stayed up past ten since Hollywood Palace went off the air.
22:53We're running out of time, Mr. Fontana.
22:55What would you like to do?
22:57Uh.
23:00Oh.
23:02You're right, Murphur.
23:03A wave is humiliating.
23:05I am better than that.
23:07You're absolutely right.
23:10Frank Fontana does not wave.
23:12I'm sorry.
23:18Oh, wave to the crowd.
23:20My apologies.
23:24I'm sorry.
23:26Thanks for having me back real soon.
23:31Thank you very much.
23:32My apologies.
23:34Good night, America.
23:35Good night.
23:38I can't believe I wave.
23:40What's wrong with me?
23:43Oh, come on, Frank.
23:45It's not that bad.
23:46Some people, a wave on Letterman is a very big deal.
23:49Oh, I guess so.
23:52You've never done it.
23:53Don't push it, okay?
23:56So, how about I take you to dinner?
23:58And if you want to work on that wave some more, I'll let you hail the cab.
24:04Hey, I know you.
24:06You're that woman.
24:07Yeah, you're, uh...
24:08Me?
24:09Yeah.
24:10I'm Frank Fontana's friend.
24:12Yeah, that's it.
24:15Who the hell is Frank Fontana?
24:26People say Murphy Brown captured the 90s zeitgeist.
24:30What does that mean to you?
24:31That means a lot.
24:33Look, we tapped into something.
24:34No, no, I'm sorry.
24:35The word zeitgeist.
24:36Do you have any idea what it means?
24:38No, no, no, no, no, no.