Murphy Brown Season 5 Episode 22 Murphy And The Amazing Leaping Man
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00:00Good morning, Ms. Brown. I'm your new secretary, Dorothy Hess, Mayor, but you can call me Dottie, and I should call you...
00:08When something important happens.
00:11Dottie, I need you to call Research and get me any proposed legislation on insurance reform in the last six months.
00:17Absolutely. Let me just get my pants right now.
00:25I don't understand. Usually, he only barks his way around skunks.
00:30Brian, quiet.
00:43No, no, no. Don't worry, Daddy. You didn't even break the skin.
00:51So, anyway, Murph, guess what just arrived?
00:55Yes, fresh from the Orient. A Chinese spice so hot that when we add it to the salsa at the dinner at the press club tomorrow night, Andy Rooney's tongue is going to swell up to three times his normal sign.
01:08And believe me, that is a whole lot of tongue, my friend.
01:10This is going to be fun.
01:13Brian, drive the dinner.
01:15I can't believe it. You forgot.
01:17Frank, I did not forget. I'm insulted that you would even think that. It's just that...
01:22I'm a mother now. I don't feel right about doing mean things to people anymore.
01:28I know I can do better than that.
01:33Did you forget, Murph? We go to this dinner together every year. It's a tradition.
01:38I know, but I told Eldon he could drive up to Philadelphia to see the Impressionist exhibit.
01:43I was spending the day with Avery.
01:44Well, can't you find a sitter?
01:45Frank, you don't just find a sitter.
01:47There was that 14-year-old across the street, but ever since the Zoe Baird thing, she's been demanding I pay her social securities and withholding taxes.
01:54So what am I supposed to do? Go alone? Oh, that's going to be fun. The only single in a room full of couples. Thanks a lot.
02:02Frank, what are you getting so upset for? So I can't come this one time.
02:06Well, it's not just this one time. It was the car show last month, the Bullets game two weeks ago.
02:10Frank, my kid had a rash. What was I supposed to do?
02:13You know, you're just going to have to understand. I'm a parent now. Stuff comes up.
02:18Well, I know that, but I was here first.
02:20Well, we had a deal. We were always going to be there for each other. We were going to grow old together.
02:28Frank, we are old together.
02:31Will you cut me some slack? I'm behind in my work. I'm overloaded at home.
02:35I don't need you dumping on me just because you have problems going places alone.
02:39Hey, I have no problem going places alone.
02:43In fact, I have gone more places alone than you have ever gone with someone in your entire life.
02:48And I can go to this dinner alone.
02:51Fine, then go and leave me alone.
02:53I will.
03:00Who is it?
03:02Frank.
03:03Frank who?
03:04Sinatra. I'm looking for Dino and the Bold Diggers.
03:07Hey.
03:11Frank.
03:12What are you doing here?
03:15Oh, no.
03:16Something awful's happened, hasn't it?
03:18Oh, God, no.
03:20Jim died.
03:21I can't believe it.
03:22I always thought Miles would be the first to go.
03:26Relax.
03:27Nothing's wrong.
03:28I was driving home from this press club dinner.
03:31I thought to myself, you know what?
03:32I'm going to go stop by Corky's.
03:34I've never done that before.
03:35It'll be fun.
03:36So I grabbed a pie, some brews, and came by so we can hang.
03:41It's 11.30 at night, Frank.
03:43You came by to hang?
03:46Come on.
03:47Who goes to bed at this hour on Saturday night?
03:49I do.
03:50I have to get up early and hang at church.
03:53Good night, Frank.
03:54Oh, Corky, please listen.
03:55I really, I need someone to talk to,
03:57and my therapist has slapped a gag order on me from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m.
04:02Corky, listen, the real reason I'm here is because Miles has Audrey,
04:13Jim has Doris, Murphy has the baby,
04:16and, well, now that you and Will have split,
04:19you're the only one of my friends who's alone,
04:21like me.
04:27Okay.
04:28But put one of those Kathy coasters on your beer.
04:32I'll get you a plate.
04:33So, I'm at this dinner, right?
04:40Everywhere I look, I'm telling you.
04:42There's husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends.
04:45There's couples, couples everywhere.
04:49What's the television doing on?
04:51What are you watching?
04:52ESPN, Brazilian volleyball.
04:54Frank, do you want to talk or do you want to watch sports?
04:58I can do both.
04:59Well, all right, just leave the picture on.
05:02Just mute it.
05:04Oh.
05:06Now, go ahead.
05:07You were saying there were couples everywhere.
05:10Well, yeah, I'm the only one there by myself.
05:14And I tell you, really, it felt kind of weird.
05:17You want a slice?
05:18I'm not eating, I'm just picking.
05:20And then, as I am leaving,
05:22Morley Safer introduces me to his wife as a bachelor.
05:26A bachelor!
05:27I am not a bachelor.
05:30A bachelor is someone with a cocktail shaker
05:32and a zebra-skin rug.
05:34Okay.
05:35Look, maybe I'm not married yet,
05:37but I never thought of myself as a bachelor.
05:40Frank, you're 44 years old.
05:43You live alone in an apartment
05:45with no furniture, no plants,
05:48and the closest you've ever come to a commitment
05:50is the time you bought that cardboard cutout of a dog.
05:54And you let that out on the terrace
05:57until it rained and the face peeled off.
06:01God.
06:03How did I get here?
06:05You know, I tell you,
06:06I always saw myself married to a nice girl
06:10with lots of kids running around.
06:12Okay, maybe I am 44 years old,
06:16but I just don't feel ready yet.
06:18No one's ever ready.
06:20Sometimes you just have to take the leap and trust.
06:26Doesn't mean it's always gonna work out,
06:28like with Will and me.
06:31But at least I took the leap,
06:33and I'm a better person for it.
06:34So, you can either follow my example,
06:38or you can just say,
06:40Hey, world, I'm Frank Fontana,
06:43and I'm happy with my life.
06:45And if I die old and alone,
06:47surrounded by nothing but faceless cardboard pets,
06:50that's okay, fine.
06:51Oh, God.
07:00You know,
07:01it's kind of fun helping you
07:03straighten out your life.
07:07Now, let's talk about the 10 extra pounds
07:09you can't seem to lose.
07:14I haven't heard from him the entire weekend.
07:16That's not like Frank.
07:17I mean, this is a guy who once called me from Las Vegas
07:20to tell me he found a dollar in the parking lot
07:21of the MGM Grand.
07:23Don't you think that's strange, Miles?
07:25Murphy, leave Miles alone.
07:27Frank's fine.
07:28He was a little upset
07:30because he had to go to the dinner alone,
07:32but afterwards, he came by my apartment to hang,
07:34and we had a wonderful talk.
07:36Wait a minute.
07:37You hung with Frank?
07:38He always hangs with me.
07:40He was trying to figure out
07:41what was wrong with his life,
07:42so I told him.
07:43Oh, God, no.
07:45What's the matter?
07:46Murphy told Frank what was wrong with his life.
07:48Dear Lord, what were you thinking?
07:51I'm so upset.
07:53All I told him was
07:55that the only way he could change
07:56what he didn't like about himself
07:58was to take a good, long, realistic look at his life.
08:01Oh, please.
08:03Murphy, you're talking about Frank Fontana.
08:05He can't handle realism.
08:07The man's life is built on denial.
08:09He's still expecting to be drafted by the Mets.
08:14Hey, guys.
08:15Am I nuts?
08:18Or is there just a hint of spring in the air today?
08:21Get the Mets.
08:24Murphy, um, before you say anything,
08:27I just want to apologize for what happened on Friday.
08:29It was all my fault.
08:31My issues, but I had a great talk with Corky,
08:34and she helped me see things a lot more clearly.
08:37I did?
08:37Yeah, Corky.
08:38After I left your house the other night,
08:40I was thinking to myself,
08:42yes, I could do the typical Frank thing
08:44and go into a big depression.
08:46Or I could follow your advice
08:48and take that leap,
08:50maybe find the life that I want.
08:53So here goes.
08:55Guys,
08:56I would like to invite you all
08:58to my apartment this Sunday for brunch.
09:00Sure.
09:03And afterwards,
09:04we'll all take a magical carpet,
09:06ride to a land where Pixies and Fairies
09:07will tip us a doctor
09:08and put tiny hats on our heads.
09:11Guys,
09:12what is so weird about this?
09:14I've been to all your houses for brunch.
09:17Yes, but Frank,
09:18the difference is those are our houses.
09:21We have brunch-type things there.
09:24Things like food,
09:27things to eat the food,
09:28things to eat the food with.
09:30Listen, Frank,
09:31we appreciate what you're trying to do,
09:33but maybe you could take us all out to brunch.
09:35You know,
09:35somewhere nice
09:36where we don't have to squat on the floor
09:37and eat out of cans.
09:39Guys,
09:40I know I don't usually do any entertaining,
09:43but you've got to stop
09:44putting me into the same old patterns.
09:47Now,
09:47I want you all to be at my house
09:48this Sunday for brunch
09:49and spend a little time
09:50with the new Frank Fontana.
09:55Oh, God.
09:57What have I done?
09:58I hear movement,
10:05but no talking.
10:06Looks like we're the first ones here.
10:08I guess we should go in.
10:10Ring the bell.
10:13You ring it.
10:14Don't be such a baby, Miles.
10:16Ring the bell.
10:19What if no one else comes
10:20and it's just you, me,
10:21Frank, and a bucket of microwave
10:22pigs in a blanket?
10:25Maybe we better wait
10:26to make sure everyone else
10:27is showing up.
10:32Well, the last time,
10:33I saw the parking space,
10:35so I took it.
10:35How was I supposed to know
10:36you were going to park there as well?
10:38Your first clue
10:39would have been
10:39my flashing turn signal
10:40and backup lights
10:41followed almost immediately
10:42by clue number two,
10:43my leaning out of the car window
10:45yelling?
10:45That's my space, Murphy.
10:47You know, Jim,
10:48I am shocked
10:48at this lack
10:49of common courtesy.
10:50I have a baby now,
10:51you know.
10:52I have to lug around
10:53an enormous amount of stuff.
10:54You didn't bring the baby.
10:56You're developing
10:57a real mean streak, Jim.
10:58I'd work on it.
11:04So, are you two cowards
11:05waiting out here
11:06because you're afraid
11:06to go in?
11:08Okay, here's the plan.
11:09We stay one hour,
11:10then we stagger our excuses.
11:12Jim, you've got a christening,
11:14miles, tax problems,
11:15quirky aerobics,
11:16me, baby.
11:16Got it?
11:17Yeah.
11:17Fine.
11:23Hey, come on in.
11:26We are so glad
11:27you could make it.
11:28I'm sorry about the heat in here.
11:29Frankie's in the kitchen
11:30with the stove
11:30going full blast.
11:31But I opened the terrace door
11:32so we should be okay.
11:33Come on,
11:33don't just stay there.
11:35Come on,
11:35let me take your coats.
11:36Corky,
11:37what a gorgeous outfit.
11:38That color is great on you.
11:40Jim,
11:40miles,
11:41where's Doris and Audrey?
11:43Christening.
11:43Tax problems.
11:44Oh,
11:45bad.
11:47Oh, well,
11:48no problem.
11:48More food for us,
11:49am I right?
11:50Murph,
11:51don't tell me
11:52you left your little angel
11:53at home.
11:54Frankie showed me
11:55his picture.
11:56Oh, my God,
11:57he is so big.
11:58God bless him.
12:00Uh-huh.
12:02Here,
12:02let me put these
12:03in the bedroom.
12:06Frankie,
12:07stick your face
12:08in here.
12:08Say hello to everyone.
12:11Hey,
12:12hi, guys.
12:13I'll be right out.
12:14I'm just adding
12:14the garlic.
12:15Crucial moments.
12:16Just like my father.
12:18Italian men
12:19in their sauce,
12:19am I right?
12:20Oh, my God.
12:21Yes.
12:21Who the hell
12:27was that?
12:28Never mind her.
12:28Who was the man
12:29in the kitchen?
12:31Well,
12:32whoever she is,
12:32she knows who we are.
12:34Frank must have
12:34introduced us before.
12:36Now,
12:36where did we meet her?
12:37Everyone hurry,
12:38think.
12:40Oh, God,
12:41look on the terrace.
12:41Frank has a plant.
12:45Forget the plant.
12:47Look at this.
12:49Furniture.
12:50Where did it all
12:51come from?
12:53It's like we
12:53stumbled into
12:54a parallel universe
12:55where Frank is happy
12:56and well-adjusted.
13:00So,
13:01what can I get you
13:01all to drink?
13:02You mean we're
13:02still sober?
13:03There you go.
13:07A little bruschetta,
13:08but I don't want
13:09you to eat too much.
13:10I have got a big meal
13:10coming out any minute.
13:12A little antepasto,
13:13linguine,
13:15some meatballs.
13:16I'm Jim Dial.
13:17I don't believe
13:17we've met.
13:18Oh, yes.
13:20Frank,
13:21where'd you get
13:21the furniture?
13:23And everything.
13:25Catalogues.
13:26I tell you something,
13:26Miles,
13:27it is amazing
13:27what you can get
13:28just by picking up
13:29the phone
13:29and dialing
13:301-800-COUCH,
13:321-800-LAMP,
13:331-800-PLATE.
13:34Frank,
13:35this is delicious.
13:36Well,
13:36don't tell me
13:37you tell Juliana.
13:38She made everything.
13:40The only thing
13:40I am cooking
13:41is my famous
13:42marinara sauce.
13:45So,
13:46you all met Juliana?
13:47Well,
13:48of course we have.
13:49Many times.
13:51Where exactly was it
13:52we first met Juliana?
13:53At the door just now.
13:55You're confused.
13:56It's all right.
13:57Frankie's told me
13:58so much about you.
13:58I feel like
13:59I know you all.
14:00Actually,
14:00Corky,
14:01Juliana and I
14:01met this week.
14:03But I tell you,
14:03it feels like
14:04we've known each other
14:05for a long time.
14:07That's amazing.
14:08I was just
14:08going to say that.
14:10It's funny.
14:11I was going to say
14:11something too,
14:12Frank.
14:12What the hell
14:13is going on?
14:17What's going on?
14:19All right.
14:19All right.
14:19For the first
14:20time in my life,
14:23I'm facing facts.
14:24I realize
14:25if I want to
14:26get serious
14:28and settle down,
14:28I've got to face
14:29things differently.
14:30So I went to this
14:32video dating service
14:33and I'm looking
14:35at some tapes
14:36and there she was,
14:38Giuliana Frattazzoni.
14:40I come across
14:40very well on VHS.
14:41I always have.
14:42I don't know why.
14:43And she's saying
14:44how she is tired
14:46of playing the field
14:48and she wants a life
14:49based on the tradition
14:51she grew up with.
14:52And I am thinking,
14:53that's me.
14:54I'm her.
14:55And I tell you,
14:56we fit.
14:57She's just like the girls
14:58from the old neighborhood.
14:59Except I haven't done time.
15:00Anyway,
15:03we have been together
15:04every day this week
15:05and I tell you,
15:07if things keep going
15:08this well,
15:08next time you come
15:09to brunch,
15:10who knows,
15:11you might just be
15:12visiting Mr. and Mrs.
15:13Frank Fontana.
15:19I'm okay.
15:21I didn't choke
15:21because of what you said.
15:23I just forgot to chew
15:23and breathe.
15:25Chew and breathe.
15:27Geez, Frank,
15:28I missed one bullets game
15:29in a press club dinner,
15:30don't you think
15:30you're overreacting
15:31a little bit?
15:32I'm her.
15:32Murph, this has nothing
15:33to do with you.
15:34It's about me
15:35and Juliana.
15:36Now, I know it's sudden,
15:38but I tell you,
15:38it feels really right to us.
15:40It does.
15:42Wow.
15:43This is all so...
15:46Insane?
15:49That's not what
15:50I was going to say.
15:51Say, delusional?
15:53We know, we know.
15:55It does seem
15:55a little strange,
15:57but we are really
15:58committed to this.
15:59so much so
16:00that we have decided
16:03not to have sex
16:04until after we're married.
16:08Wow.
16:10This one definitely
16:11has Heimlich potential.
16:14Yeah, maybe I ought
16:14to get us all some drinks,
16:16let you, uh,
16:17get used to the idea.
16:18I'll give you a hand,
16:19Juliana.
16:20Honestly, Frank,
16:22when I told you
16:22to make a change
16:23in your life,
16:23the most I thought
16:24you'd do was go out
16:25and buy yourself
16:25a new pair of pants.
16:27There you go, Frank.
16:29A simple misunderstanding.
16:30She meant pants.
16:32You heard marriage.
16:33You go get yourself
16:34a nice pair of khakis.
16:35That'll put the spring
16:36back in your step.
16:37No.
16:38Murph,
16:38you're telling me
16:39to slow down.
16:41I am 44 years old.
16:42I don't have time
16:43to slow down.
16:44I'm leaping.
16:45I am leaping
16:45into my life.
16:47Who are you?
16:48One of the flying
16:49Fontana brothers?
16:50You don't leap
16:50into life, Frank.
16:51You wade in carefully
16:53so you don't hit your head.
16:54Murph,
16:54I know what I'm doing here.
16:56I just feel so...
16:57God,
16:59how can I describe it?
17:00Man is a hatter?
17:01Nutty is a fruitcake?
17:02Cuckoo is a clock?
17:04Huh?
17:05The room in this catalog,
17:06page 124,
17:08it's exactly the room
17:09we're sitting in.
17:10Same furniture,
17:11paintings,
17:12everything.
17:13I'm scared
17:13we should leave this place.
17:18Hey, everyone.
17:21Look at the pretty glasses
17:22Frank got
17:23from 1-800-GOBLIN.
17:26Frankie,
17:26I think you better
17:27come out here
17:27and take a look
17:28at the sauce.
17:28Thanks, Juliana.
17:29In a minute.
17:30What?
17:30Murph,
17:31you don't like
17:31because she's not great?
17:32What?
17:33I don't know
17:33where I just met her.
17:34Give me 10 minutes,
17:35maybe I'll want
17:36to marry you too.
17:38Frankie,
17:38it looks like
17:39the sauce may be
17:39going to burn.
17:40Oh, it's fine.
17:41I'll be right out
17:42to check on it.
17:42Well, it's so important
17:43that you can't wait
17:43two minutes.
17:44I'm telling you,
17:44the sauce is going to burn.
17:45Can't you see?
17:46I'm having an important
17:48discussion with my best friend here.
18:14If you care so much
18:15about the sauce,
18:15why don't you go out
18:16and check on it?
18:17It is not my sauce.
18:18It's your sauce
18:18and don't use that tone
18:19with me.
18:19I'm not your mate.
18:20Who said anything
18:21about a mate?
18:21I'm asking for one minute here.
18:23One minute to talk to people.
18:25But no,
18:25you're in my face
18:25with the sauce.
18:26The sauce.
18:27I don't care about the sauce.
18:28You don't care about the sauce.
18:29I don't care about the sauce.
18:35No, I don't believe you people.
18:37She's the best thing
18:38that's ever happened to me
18:39and all I'm getting from you
18:40is criticism,
18:40second guessing,
18:41and 15 synonyms
18:42with mentally unbalanced.
18:44Well, I hope you're happy.
18:45You burnt the sauce.
18:47The sauce is not burnt.
18:48The sauce is perfectly fine.
18:50It is perfectly cracked.
18:52Now what am I supposed
18:53to do with it?
18:54Look, I don't care
18:54what you do with it.
18:55I am sick of the sauce.
18:57You're sick of it.
18:58I'm sick.
18:58We are all sick of it.
19:00Maybe we should just
19:02get rid of it.
19:14Murphy,
19:15so glad you took
19:16that parking place
19:17right in place.
19:22Where is that tow truck?
19:24I feel like I'm the last guest
19:25at the Corleone family wedding.
19:30She's still in the bathroom.
19:32What could she be doing
19:32in there all this time?
19:33I don't know.
19:34Looking for the gun
19:35taped to the toilet tank?
19:38You know, Craig,
19:39I've got to hand it to you.
19:40This was absolutely
19:42my worst brunch experience ever,
19:44and that includes
19:45the time LBJ sneezed
19:46that piece of sausage link
19:47out of his nose.
19:48You're right, Murph.
19:53It's horrible.
19:55How can I get myself
19:56involved in such
19:57a sick relationship?
20:00I've got to break it off.
20:02Either that or bolt down
20:03your cookware.
20:05You better do me a favor
20:06and stay here
20:08while I talk to her.
20:08I'm afraid to be alone with her.
20:10Frank, no.
20:11It's too weird.
20:12Murph, please.
20:13I'm begging you.
20:14All right.
20:15I'll stay.
20:18Hi.
20:19Whoops.
20:19Got to go.
20:22You know,
20:22the Automobile Club,
20:23if you're not there
20:24the minute they come,
20:25bam, they're gone.
20:26You're forgetting your coat.
20:27Nail it to me.
20:28And if you two crazy kids
20:30are thinking of throwing
20:30anything else out the window,
20:32warn me first.
20:39Everyone's gone, huh?
20:42All this food's
20:43going to go to waste.
20:45What a sin.
20:46No one ate anything.
20:47Well,
20:48it's kind of hard
20:49without any sauce.
20:51There might have been
20:51if you hadn't let it burn.
20:52Well,
20:52don't start about the sauce.
20:55Oh, man.
20:57Here we go again.
20:59All of a sudden,
21:00every time we talk about food,
21:01we turn into my parents.
21:03It must be a genetic thing.
21:05One minute you were Frank,
21:06and then the next minute
21:07you were every one of my uncles
21:09telling every one of my aunts
21:10to go back into the kitchen
21:11and be quiet.
21:11I went nuts.
21:12Now I know why I spent my whole life
21:16avoiding Italian men.
21:18That and those undershirts
21:20without the arms.
21:20So, I guess
21:25maybe we better
21:27clear the table.
21:28Right, right.
21:29Good idea.
21:29Let's just step out of here.
21:32Let's just get it now.
21:40We don't have to clear now.
21:41Really, it's fine.
21:42I just can't believe I did this.
21:44What's wrong with me?
21:45Why am I so afraid to be alone?
21:47I can convince myself
21:48that I can make a life
21:50with someone in a week.
21:51I mean, it's just so pathetic.
21:53No, it's not pathetic.
21:54Oh, please.
21:55It's pathetic.
21:56I'm pathetic.
21:58How are you pathetic?
21:59Tell me.
22:00Oh, God.
22:01I'm in my late 30s.
22:02I'm alone.
22:03Everyone I know is married.
22:05Tell me that's not pathetic.
22:06You want to hear pathetic?
22:07I'm in my 40s.
22:08That's pathetic.
22:08Please, Frank.
22:09I'm much more pathetic
22:10than you are.
22:10Oh, yeah?
22:11I just bought $8,000 worth
22:13of furniture sight unseen
22:14over the phone.
22:15Julianna, listen to me.
22:22Come here.
22:23Put the breadstick down.
22:27You are sweet.
22:29You're funny, attractive.
22:32You've got lots of friends,
22:34people who love you.
22:35Why do you have to have
22:36what everyone else has?
22:39You've got to spend more time
22:41looking at what you've got
22:42rather than what you don't have.
22:44Hey, when I look at you,
22:49I see someone who is great
22:52alone.
22:56So do I.
22:59Yeah.
23:02Yeah.
23:04Right.
23:05You know, Frankie,
23:09maybe we need a little more
23:10time alone.
23:11Getting to like ourselves better.
23:14Maybe we could try this again.
23:16Yeah, maybe you're right, honey.
23:17You know,
23:17for acting like this now,
23:20by spring,
23:20one of us will be chopped up
23:21and hidden in a freezer.
23:24Yeah, like I want to go
23:25through that again.
23:25Come on.
23:32I'll walk you to the door.
23:34You don't want me to help you
23:35with the dishes?
23:36Well, you know,
23:37they're really not that dirty.
23:40Remember?
23:41There wasn't any sauce.
23:48I'll see you, Frankie.
23:49Hey, Will!
24:09It's me,
24:11Frank Fontana,
24:14bachelor!
24:14Yes!
24:19Oh, jeez!
24:21I said warn me!
24:44It's me,
24:45I said warn me!
24:46Yeah,
24:46I said warn you!
24:47It's me,
24:48I said warn you!
24:48It's me,
24:49It's me,
24:49It's me,
24:50You isn't me.
24:51I said warn you!
24:53It's me,
24:58I said warn you!
24:59It's me,
25:01I said warn you!
25:02Whatever,
25:02whatever,
25:03it'll get the glass,
25:04I said warn you!
25:04Okay,
25:05I was able to help you
25:05even though!
25:07It's three days,
25:08spray inside down�
25:10into the pots and alarms
25:11storealone.
25:12Your rainbow
25:13and shine is Ю,