With Dr. Asante Le Blanc and Dexter Nicholls
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00:00:00Manhood, brought to you in part by Reboot Sports Drink.
00:00:09So welcome to another conversation here on Manhood.
00:00:13And today's topic is a big one.
00:00:15I know I say that quite often, but it's with regards to health, men's health in particular.
00:00:20Some of the vagaries, some of the fears that men hold as a result to it.
00:00:25And do we want to get checked out?
00:00:27Why don't we want to get checked out?
00:00:29And what are the concerns that we really want to discuss, especially here today?
00:00:33So men's health, I want to get straight into it.
00:00:35I'm delighted to have Dr. Santi LeBlanc to my right, to her right, Dexter Nichols.
00:00:41To his right, Johanse Ayolike.
00:00:43You'll see him, of course, sitting in a different chair than you're accustomed to.
00:00:47And for good reason today, because we're really going to be challenging you, Dr. LeBlanc.
00:00:53And Dexter.
00:00:55And Dexter.
00:00:55And when I say challenge, I don't mean that in a negative way at all.
00:00:58We're challenging you because we are indeed, when it comes to men's health, there is a lot of fear surrounding it.
00:01:05And we really want to unzip, dissect, go granular, do a deep dive, all the nice phrases to really discuss something that really is impacting men and why.
00:01:16And also the correlation between men's health and, of course, their relationships as it pertains to a woman.
00:01:23So you're holding two hats here today.
00:01:26One is Dr. LeBlanc and the other one is Asante, also my friend.
00:01:29To really, you know, feel free, this is a very open forum, even some of our discussions, because you know I'm one of those that are fearful about certain things as it becomes the health.
00:01:40So, you know, this is a very open show.
00:01:42I'm not here to hide in any way.
00:01:43And the only way to get a message across is to be as honest and truthful as you can and expose your own concerns and fears.
00:01:52So men's health, in particular, prostate, colorectal cancers, we see it on the rise.
00:01:59It's no longer a 50-plus disease.
00:02:01We're seeing it in a lot of younger persons.
00:02:06So let's have a sense of one talking about men's health and then maybe some of the reasons why there's now, whether it be higher detection or just in general, not necessarily higher detection, but more persons are now experiencing this dreadful disease.
00:02:25So just to put in context again before, of course, Dr. LeBlanc being a doctor and having all the insight in there, I just want to give some context into Dexter being here as well.
00:02:37Dexter's a, you know, a prostate cancer survivor and now in remission, thank God.
00:02:42You know, so we applaud your bravery and, of course, coming on the show for us to have this really open and frank discussion of all, you know, forms and facets.
00:02:52So men's health.
00:02:53Well, I'll ask Dr. LeBlanc, that sentiment that men generally are afraid to check on their health.
00:03:03Do you agree with that?
00:03:05Do I agree with it?
00:03:09Feel free to use me.
00:03:11Yes.
00:03:12So what happens is that we're speaking about the Caribbean man, right?
00:03:16I would prefer to speak about the Caribbean man.
00:03:18And so Caribbean men, for a long time, we've had a lot of machoism and it's not their fault, really.
00:03:28I mean, it's culturally the man was the provider.
00:03:30You had to bring home the bacon.
00:03:32You had to take care of everything.
00:03:34So a lot of things concerning health for men, I think they found it daunting and they shouldn't be sick.
00:03:43You understand?
00:03:44I can't be sick.
00:03:46I will.
00:03:46This can't touch me and it can't take me.
00:03:49And so what happens is that as we evolved, men and women evolved in the Caribbean, you found men.
00:03:58Now that they understood, well, you can die and you can have an affliction by a disease, then they were like, but I'd rather not know.
00:04:06You understand?
00:04:07Because I don't want to be in pampers.
00:04:09I don't want to be able to not to bathe myself.
00:04:12I don't want to be able to, I have to be taken care of for any long period of time at all.
00:04:17You understand?
00:04:18So, I mean, psychologically, I think that's where a lot of men were.
00:04:21And we're getting them out of that now because I think it's more, especially for me as a healthcare professional,
00:04:28I try to empower my male patients to understand that knowing is half the battle.
00:04:34And early detection for especially a dreadful disease such as cancer makes your survivorship even more empowering.
00:04:40But men really, I think it's just the fear of being unable to control.
00:04:47So there's that.
00:04:48And there's also the other aspect of which is fear.
00:04:52So not just fear of the unknown, not fear of like we just don't want to know, but there's also the fear of the procedure to find out.
00:04:58Well, that's Robert's fear.
00:05:00So which men share?
00:05:02And I still go through that, you know, where prostate cancer, for example, there are many ways of detection.
00:05:11Initially, it was, you know, you can do a blood test, then it was a physical examination.
00:05:15And there are many trends of, there are many different thoughts on that.
00:05:19And now the best way is both.
00:05:20And with regards to that, I would say that, you know, if you can to communicate to our audience out there,
00:05:29the procedure so that maybe people would fear it less, you know, as to, is it intrusive?
00:05:36Is it not intrusive?
00:05:37I don't want to share my own experiences because, you know, I prefer that everyone.
00:05:41And, you know what?
00:05:44Let's cut the b****, right?
00:05:45You cut the b****, not let's.
00:05:47You cut it.
00:05:47Asante is here shaking her head because, guess what, guys?
00:05:52I am still in fear.
00:05:53And I still haven't done it.
00:05:55Was that your finger?
00:05:56Correct.
00:05:57The finger.
00:05:57I still haven't done it.
00:05:58But you know what?
00:05:59She knows I committed to this year that I'm going to get tested.
00:06:03But I want, I want, not just because I was fortunate to have Asante as a friend and we've gone through this.
00:06:10But to communicate to the wider audience and listeners out there, what, what, what does that, what does that entail and why you should not be afraid of going through?
00:06:19Before you go to Dexter, you had any fear in terms of your procedures?
00:06:23So, you know, let me first say that I spent a lot of time in the corporate place and we had this discussion because I have a lot of friends that are male friends.
00:06:33And, you know, I would tell these guys, you know, I'm going to get a prostate check.
00:06:36And I was in my late thirties and they said, why, why do it now?
00:06:41Because a lot of young men feel that sickness attacks the old, you know, between 30 to 50, you're safe.
00:06:49You're in a safe zone.
00:06:50We're healthy.
00:06:51We're cycling.
00:06:51We're running.
00:06:52We're lifting weights.
00:06:53Sickness can hit us.
00:06:54And, therefore, the conversation was, hey, you want to take the finger?
00:07:00So is it homophobic?
00:07:03Is it homophobic?
00:07:04But it is not the only way to detect prostate cancer, as Dr. Asante would probably give a little more detail.
00:07:11There's having problems to urinate, probably blood passing blood, feeling pain after your urine.
00:07:20So we have a PSA test that could measure certain amount of stuff in your prostate, but it's not conclusive.
00:07:28The finger will probably be there to check the city size of the prostate if there's any swelling because the prostate gland is very small.
00:07:36It's like the size of a walnut they tend to use.
00:07:38So it's very, very small.
00:07:39So men think that, oh, the finger is the only way to detect it.
00:07:44But they're self-diagnosed.
00:07:46And because of men macho's image that, you know, are having a problem to pass urine or, you know, are not getting an erection or are not keeping an erection, who are going to?
00:07:58I can't tell my partners about this.
00:08:00And, obviously, if this word gets out to the wider public, they would look and say, boy, he's a soft man.
00:08:08But he can't keep it up.
00:08:10You know?
00:08:10So that is the main thing.
00:08:12But that also comes with age, huh?
00:08:13But it's almost because, you know, you're young, you're like a stallion, you know, you know everything.
00:08:18But as you get older, you want to stay away from that.
00:08:21And you don't even want to go there because it's sexual.
00:08:25So a lot of Western-Den men look at the macho image first as, hey, I'm a stud.
00:08:33And if I have these problems, by the time I tell a woman, prostrate it, I do so.
00:08:37Well, see you later, buddy.
00:08:40It's like that on diabetes, you know.
00:08:42You know?
00:08:43You know, correct me.
00:08:44So I think that is the main issue.
00:08:48Now I don't know if much has changed.
00:08:50I still think that there is a big fear.
00:08:54And I've spoken to a lot of men in their 60s.
00:08:56I, myself, just turned 60 on Tuesday.
00:08:59And I've spoken to a lot of friends who are younger than me and who are older than me.
00:09:03And believe it or not, they've never had a prostate examination.
00:09:07Or never even did a PSA check.
00:09:08So the prostate examination, take us through the finger.
00:09:14Right.
00:09:16Let's debunk all these misconceptions.
00:09:17The misconceptions.
00:09:19All right.
00:09:19So a DRE or a digital rectal exam is where the doctor.
00:09:24And so people have this vision that we put you to, like, stand up.
00:09:28Like if you're in jail and bent over and we just go, ba-dum, you know.
00:09:32But that's not what happens.
00:09:33We have you in a position.
00:09:35So generally, it's that you're lying on your left side.
00:09:38And your knees are flexed to your stomach.
00:09:42So it's a fetal position.
00:09:43Right.
00:09:44You generally, as a physician, I tell my male patients, it takes much more time for me to relax them than to do the actual exam.
00:09:53Because you want them relaxed.
00:09:55You want them to understand, yes, it may feel intrusive because I am going up the rectum.
00:10:00You understand?
00:10:01With one finger.
00:10:02No more than one.
00:10:04Right.
00:10:04So I always tell people.
00:10:06Right.
00:10:06So I was about to say that.
00:10:09And she has small fingers.
00:10:11I have small fingers.
00:10:12You know what I mean?
00:10:13So I tell people, you know, you lie down, you relax.
00:10:16Generally, I mean, you have to, as a physician, have a rapport with that patient.
00:10:20You can't just say lie down and boom.
00:10:22It's not a slap, bam, thank you, ma'am kind of situation.
00:10:26And because if the patient contracts.
00:10:28Pun intended.
00:10:28Pun intended, yes.
00:10:29A little bit of foreplay to us before.
00:10:31I wouldn't, no.
00:10:34I'm trying to debunk and say we're not making it.
00:10:37But the reality is that the man, the patient has to be relaxed.
00:10:42Because if they're not relaxed and they contract their rectal sphincter, then the prostate goes up.
00:10:47So we will not feel it.
00:10:48We will not be able to examine it.
00:10:50But that's all it is.
00:10:51It's the finger going in, gloved finger with lubricant.
00:10:54So it's not just a dry finger going up.
00:10:58A raw deal.
00:10:59No, it's not a raw deal.
00:11:00And we lubricate and we go up and we feel the back of the prostate.
00:11:04Yeah?
00:11:05And it does not make you a homosexual.
00:11:08It does not change your sexual orientation.
00:11:11And it's for both hetero and homosexuals and bisexuals.
00:11:16It's all sexualities.
00:11:17Once you're a man or you're a prostate, it has to be checked.
00:11:19Well, I'm glad you said that because, you know, they say knowledge is power.
00:11:24Right?
00:11:25And the more we understand things, the better we can deal with it.
00:11:28Because I think that, and for me personally, when it comes to medical checkups, I'm a younger years.
00:11:35Not now.
00:11:36And that's why I asked you about the fear.
00:11:39Because not only the prostate exam, because there are many other things.
00:11:41I know myself, I was afraid of blood tests at first.
00:11:45And I know many of my colleagues are 39 years old.
00:11:49Oh, okay.
00:11:49And I know many of my colleagues were just afraid of different procedures.
00:11:52It don't matter what it was.
00:11:54Not even the prostate.
00:11:55They didn't even think of that yet.
00:11:56Just other seemingly invasive.
00:11:59Because some wasn't really invasive, you know.
00:12:01But because you didn't know about it.
00:12:03And then one, which you added, the psychological aspect of it, which is it might highlight a weakness.
00:12:10So now I'm even more frightened.
00:12:12I don't even know what I might have, you know.
00:12:13But just the fact that I might be deemed as weak.
00:12:17And then the possibility that I might have it.
00:12:18So it's twofold.
00:12:20And then now I can't tell nobody.
00:12:21I'm afraid to tell nobody.
00:12:22That's threefold.
00:12:23And then what I will do.
00:12:24And then some men even go as far as, well, next thing I can't provide for them.
00:12:28Next thing I think.
00:12:29So time you come into the room, you have about five different anxieties dealing with.
00:12:34Because one, I think, is a lot of lack of knowledge.
00:12:37Yeah.
00:12:37And that's very true.
00:12:40So I find it's important to have forums like this.
00:12:43But also, you know, as brethren, when you sit down, you know.
00:12:46And that's what Dexter would do, for example, with his colleagues and friends.
00:12:50You share your information, which you get from a valuable source and a reputable source.
00:12:55Because it's not easy.
00:12:57And it's not as only men, you know.
00:12:59There are women out there just like y'all.
00:13:00But it's more men than women that go through it.
00:13:05Do you know how many fingers women have?
00:13:07Women have to get vaginal exams.
00:13:10We get rectal exams.
00:13:12We're prodded and probed all through our orifices.
00:13:15So, you know, but what happens is if we're going to give birth, if we have to do a pap smear,
00:13:19this is deemed something natural for a woman.
00:13:22You understand?
00:13:23For some reason.
00:13:24It's possible for them to relax in a situation like that.
00:13:26It's not easy to relax when you know you're going to an unknown person, be it man or woman,
00:13:31and put in a coal metal instrument in the Netherlands parts.
00:13:35You understand?
00:13:35But because we, as women, I think we are much more open to getting these procedures done.
00:13:43And we basically grin and bear it.
00:13:44Why?
00:13:45Why do you think women are more open?
00:13:46Personally, it's because while we may fear the outcome and we may fear the diagnosis,
00:13:54we also are providers.
00:13:56We are very altruist.
00:13:57We have to look after our family.
00:13:59So we have to know.
00:14:00We also have to know.
00:14:02You understand?
00:14:02So I find, for example, I have female friends who might say,
00:14:06oh, God, but I really don't want to know.
00:14:07And slowly you speak to them, but why don't you want to know?
00:14:10But it's much easier for us to convince a woman to have tests done than a man.
00:14:15So we need to go to a break.
00:14:17But I want to use what you just said there, Asante,
00:14:22to segue into what we'll be talking about or starting off the next segment about.
00:14:27So where's a woman is going into that as a provider?
00:14:31And let's use the word nurturer as well in terms of for the children or that environment.
00:14:37The man, in a particular case, is a provider for overall,
00:14:42the man of the house or the breadwinner in certain circumstances for that particular family.
00:14:47So the fear in there is where's a woman still thinks, you know what?
00:14:51My husband, my boyfriend, whatever, may take care of me in certain circumstances.
00:14:56The man himself might be thinking, listen, if I go down, who's going to provide?
00:15:01And the reason why I want to use that to go to the break is because
00:15:05Dexter has a very interesting story.
00:15:07That is a concern, I'm sure, for many men and fears of many men
00:15:12when you think that partner is there for you.
00:15:15So we take a short break.
00:15:16Welcome back to Manhood.
00:15:33What I would like to discuss is the support when you find that you have a critical illness,
00:15:39when you've been diagnosed with something critical.
00:15:41It may be cancer, it could be anything else.
00:15:45My case was one that I would have never expected to happen.
00:15:51I mean, my partner of many, many years, over 17 years, you know, close to 18 years,
00:15:58when found out, said, well, prior to finding out, don't worry, waiting on the biopsy results.
00:16:07We will deal with this, you know.
00:16:10Don't worry, we're going to get through this.
00:16:12Now, those words are very affirming words to somebody.
00:16:17You know, it's like your child or anybody.
00:16:19Once you put a hand on that person and said, we're going to deal with this,
00:16:22it means that we, we have a partnership.
00:16:27We have a group.
00:16:27I'm not on my own.
00:16:29And when the results came in, and I said, well, number one, getting the results.
00:16:34I mean, it's not easy for anybody.
00:16:36Let's not stay here and play around.
00:16:39When you hear that, you know, you've been diagnosed with cancer,
00:16:42irregardless of what stage it's at, there's panic.
00:16:46There's anxiety.
00:16:47Things are death sentence.
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:48And anxiety is when you feel your heart, your chest beating out.
00:16:54You know, it's like you're having problems breathing.
00:16:57And then for your partner of all these years to say, well, I didn't plan on this.
00:17:05I didn't really set up for this.
00:17:07I think you should get out.
00:17:09You're on your own, you know.
00:17:12And it really, you can hear it in my voice.
00:17:16I mean, going back, this is over two years.
00:17:19It really sets you in an emotional state that, oh, my God, I'm now alone at 58.
00:17:25I'm at 58.
00:17:27And have a diagnosis.
00:17:28I have a critical illness.
00:17:31I don't know how I'm going to deal with it.
00:17:33What am I expecting going forward?
00:17:35Where am I going to find the strength?
00:17:38Who am I going to get the strength from?
00:17:41You find that strength within.
00:17:44First, you have to sit down.
00:17:46You have to reassess the situation.
00:17:48I have cancer to deal with.
00:17:50I have loneliness to deal with.
00:17:53I have to go through this.
00:17:54I have no one here to support me, no friends, because, I mean, I wasn't open with everybody about it.
00:18:02Who can I call on?
00:18:04You know, fortunately, my sisters were really my rock.
00:18:08And I'm an open person.
00:18:09And then I started to find the strength day by day by day.
00:18:15You know, after the diagnosis, you still have tests to do.
00:18:17Dr.
00:18:18I'm going to say I'm going to take a test to that.
00:18:19You have to go through radiation.
00:18:20It depends on what stage you're at.
00:18:22If you're far gone, if you're at stage 3, 4, and this is why it's important, to know your body.
00:18:28Take the steps.
00:18:30Take the finger.
00:18:31It's nothing.
00:18:31Because it's going to prevent you being at stage 2, 3, 4.
00:18:36You know?
00:18:37I got early detection at stage 1.
00:18:41But still there's a Gleason score.
00:18:43So I had a very aggressive type of cancer that had to be dealt with immediately.
00:18:48And I embarked on it, and I went.
00:18:50I had radiation.
00:18:50I didn't have chemo.
00:18:52But don't think radiation is a walk in the park.
00:18:55Because, you know, I have to do radiation every morning.
00:18:58I had to get up.
00:18:58I had to go to work.
00:18:59I had to live.
00:19:00I had to eat.
00:19:00And then you have this thought process.
00:19:05How could someone just back off and leave you alone, you know, to fight this dreaded cancer?
00:19:12You know?
00:19:13It's like a date with the hangman, you know?
00:19:16And then as time passes by and I had the strength, I had people in my corner.
00:19:22I started talking more and more about it with friends and colleagues.
00:19:25And then people started opening up and saying, you know, well, I have prostate cancer too.
00:19:31I'm in early stages.
00:19:33What to do?
00:19:34And you're finding more that we have this conversation is the more men will not feel alone.
00:19:41And I want to say men.
00:19:42And let me clarify why I say men and not women.
00:19:46Women have a network of friends.
00:19:49Most times.
00:19:49Most women.
00:19:50Women.
00:19:51They have other women.
00:19:52They have their mother.
00:19:53They have other people they can talk to.
00:19:54Men, especially where prostate cancer is concerned, because it affects other stuff, they tend to be.
00:20:03I ain't telling nobody about this.
00:20:05So they keep it to themselves.
00:20:07So we have an internal fight going on in our head.
00:20:12Why am I here?
00:20:13So a lot of things are happening all at once.
00:20:15And we're trying to process it.
00:20:16So we're not sleeping.
00:20:17We're not doing stuff.
00:20:18We don't know.
00:20:19We're feeling anxiety.
00:20:21Some people may even feel suicidal.
00:20:22That's a good point.
00:20:25And, you know.
00:20:27And one of the things, Dexter, that, you know, because there are a couple of things.
00:20:31One, it's like a genie in a bottle.
00:20:34Once, so in two fronts, I want to start with a discussion here going forward.
00:20:39The genie, when I use the analogy of genie in the bottle, because once you release that, as I can remember with my dad, when he was first diagnosed, he was very, you know, kept everything to himself.
00:20:48But then when he was diagnosed and he started to go through the treatment, I don't know if something breaks you.
00:20:56I don't know.
00:20:56Because then you all of a sudden become where you really, you know, want to communicate, overly communicate in certain circumstances.
00:21:03You want to discuss it with everybody.
00:21:04Because as you start to become more and more of a bush doctor of sorts, because you go to so many clinics and you go to so many, have so much tests and diagnostics done,
00:21:13that you start to understand more and more about what's happening with you.
00:21:18And as a result, I remember my dad going from silence to overly communicating about it.
00:21:24Anybody would listen.
00:21:26And even then, he was still being brave in the fact that he was suppressing some of the pain, the levels of pain that he was going through.
00:21:33So there was the manliness in not communicating the pain as much as he should have, but in terms of all the information that was happening.
00:21:42So I use the analogy of genie, but meaning like, you know, you release the cracking, so to speak.
00:21:49And then there's the other side where you are now seeing someone else.
00:21:55And where's that partner, that witness to your life, was there during the good times, and is now expected to be there to support you.
00:22:06One, abandon ship.
00:22:08But two, the person who you're now seeing also has to see you still going through elements of the sweats, the pains and so on that you're going through.
00:22:17And do you find yourself now juggling between holding back that to your new partner and, you know, to be a man and you don't want it to see these things,
00:22:30and at the same time checking off your list to say, I don't want to make the same mistake that I made before because I need this person.
00:22:37Well, you know, if, you know, there's something, there's a saying that if we keep doing the same thing we keep doing, we're going to get the same thing we keep getting.
00:22:48I think firstly, I have to come to the harsh realization about that you have to accept that.
00:22:56You have to, you know, I was really, you know, like how some people homophobic, I was like, oh my God, I'm afraid of drowning, I'm afraid of that, you know.
00:23:03But in your own reflection, you have to come to terms with that.
00:23:08It's going to come.
00:23:09It's going to come sometime.
00:23:10But now is not the time.
00:23:12I'm not ready for this.
00:23:13And a new partner, you have to be very open with that partner.
00:23:17And I think in choosing a partner, a good partner going forward, we need to have this sort of discussions.
00:23:24And we need to have it openly and get by in.
00:23:27So, you know, it's not me talking, but I need to know where my partner is with this.
00:23:31Are you my wingman?
00:23:33Are you with me?
00:23:35Could you deal with this?
00:23:37This is what I'm going through.
00:23:38My new partner, I was still taking hormone therapy.
00:23:43I'd finish radiation and hormone therapy is where you get this injection in your stomach every three months.
00:23:52And the side effects from this will affect certain people different ways.
00:23:58Mine was serious hot flashes.
00:24:00I would stay and just, Dr. Asante would say, I would just bathe in sweat.
00:24:05I would just stand up here and just like somebody threw something down my back.
00:24:09And you can feel the heat.
00:24:10So I always say, I have a good idea what women go through when they go through menopause.
00:24:15It's because I think I went through it for over two years.
00:24:18And I'm now in remission.
00:24:20I still get it.
00:24:21Not as often.
00:24:22It had sometimes I get it like 14 times a day.
00:24:25So you would be sleeping and you'll have to remove the blanket from on you because you'd be sweating.
00:24:30And I had these discussions with this new partner and we spoke about other things.
00:24:36And I would tell you something.
00:24:38Having the right partner in anything in your life, whether it be work, whether it be sickness, and having that right partner all the time is a godsend.
00:24:49So let's talk a bit about, because I want your opinion from, of course, a women's perspective and yours, Johanse, from the science behind it, the abandonment.
00:25:03The abandonment not just to how Dexter feels, because you would have thought that with your partner for 17, 18 years.
00:25:11Yeah.
00:25:11Right?
00:25:12This and your worst, regardless of what issues you may have had leading up to it, in that particular state,
00:25:17now is not the time to kick you while you're down.
00:25:20And at that point to go, no, this is not a blame game in any way, you know, because it is not a responsibility.
00:25:26We could look at it like that.
00:25:28But you would think that that person may be in your life.
00:25:32And it immediately, in here in Dexter's story, made me start to ask myself, do I have the right checks and balances in place?
00:25:40Is it that men are now in a position that they have to, we already have that feeling of not to be weak, to be strong, to be providers?
00:25:52And if that situation does happen, are we, for the most part, in a position that we can put things in place?
00:25:57How many people can pay for the insurances, et cetera, that will allow for you to be taken care of?
00:26:04Because the rates are high.
00:26:06So the average, you know, out of three, you know, one in three or one in four, one in five, whatever the stats are for these various debilitating diseases,
00:26:15it is going to come about on, you know, at some point.
00:26:21And what do you do then?
00:26:24I would start with first, and this is even to answer the question about the right partner.
00:26:30Being honest with yourself.
00:26:32Forget being honest with other people, because I believe one tenant of being a man is facing reality.
00:26:39Facing reality of the situation, wherever the situation is, because that's how we'll accurately provide and protect.
00:26:44Even for yourself, forget, you don't even have a family yet.
00:26:46For you to provide and protect yourself, you have to be in touch with reality.
00:26:51And if, as men, we avoid in reality, then we can't actually accurately prepare.
00:26:58Now, what I'm saying could be easier said than done, because it wasn't easy for me at all.
00:27:01And I haven't even reached the head, because there are still some realities, even in my own life, I take in steps to face.
00:27:07But that's how I will know.
00:27:09We're going back with that premise, knowledge is power.
00:27:11If you want to have power over anything to manage it, you have to know.
00:27:14So if, let's just say, the stats is at 50 years old, you're most likely to get some sort of issue with your process, let's just say.
00:27:22Then you have years to start to put money aside.
00:27:26Now, it may never happen to you, but at least you're prepared.
00:27:29So it's not even coming from a family setting.
00:27:31It's from a man.
00:27:32And then if I want to add into having the quote-unquote right partner, even coming out of this issue, not to digress too much, in my practice, one of the biggest issues that we men have is telling the truth.
00:27:46Telling the truth to ourselves, and therefore telling the truth to others, because we are afraid, what would people think, how would I look, et cetera, et cetera.
00:27:54So instead of just saying, you know, today I'm feeling weak, today my stomach hurting me, nah, I'll go through with it.
00:28:03But the thing is, your stomach hurting you may be an issue that would put you down, and it's still a car provider and protect for your family.
00:28:10So I would start with being honest with yourself.
00:28:12If your stomach hurting you don't want it to hurt, deal with it.
00:28:15If your head hurting you, whatever it is, deal with it.
00:28:18If you're not fit enough, there are ways.
00:28:20It's because the beautiful thing about the human body that I understand, in my experience, is that you could train it.
00:28:25You could feed it.
00:28:26You could do the necessary things to make sure that they're healthy.
00:28:30It's not, yes, they are predisposed diseases.
00:28:33But for the most part, if you put things in place, you could take care of yourself.
00:28:37So answering your question.
00:28:37You could have an accident.
00:28:39You could have something that happens to you, and it is the part that you're building your life with.
00:28:45Is it that there's conditions around it, that the moment something happens, that that partner then abandon ship, right?
00:28:53There's no set of preparation for that.
00:28:55So you're going into a relationship.
00:28:56I mean, I knew Dr. Blas did not expose her own personal life, but I can tell you that she's a devoted woman.
00:29:04You stand and stand and stood by your partner.
00:29:09And I'm seeing that, is it a case?
00:29:11And that is an expectation that should be had.
00:29:16But it's really about, so like when Dexter first told me this story, I can't tell a lie.
00:29:24My knee-jerk reaction was, that bitch, you understand?
00:29:29How could you do that?
00:29:30And this is coming from a feminist.
00:29:31And that's, yes, right?
00:29:33But then, I mean, that was my knee-jerk reaction because I'm meeting Dexter as a patient and seeing what he went through and is going through emotionally, right?
00:29:43But then the thing is, it's very easy sometimes for us to say that, but we don't know what she felt when she heard that news.
00:29:54Where was she psychologically?
00:29:56You understand?
00:29:57So, not all women would abandon him.
00:29:59And how do you know you have the right mate?
00:30:01You understand?
00:30:02And it's key that you have not even a, because you could sit down, healthy as ever, and say, babes, if I get in an accident, you can stay with me?
00:30:11You can look after me?
00:30:12And I bet you should tell your yes.
00:30:14Right.
00:30:14And I bet you the man can tell me yes if I get in an accident.
00:30:18But then, when reality hits, you understand?
00:30:23That is probably the true mark of the woman and the man because it's a lot.
00:30:28It's a lot.
00:30:29That woman has to take on looking after their partner that is sick and is in a state, thinking of death, losing the partner, and also looking at themselves and saying, I'm not saying that's what she was going through.
00:30:43But looking and saying, but what happens to me if this happens?
00:30:49What do I do?
00:30:50It's a lot of layers.
00:30:52You understand?
00:30:52Now, the right thing to do, we are all sure, the right thing to do is to stay, stand by your man, and for the man to stand by the woman if the fit hits the sham.
00:31:01Can I just say something on that quickly?
00:31:05There are signs.
00:31:07Right.
00:31:07All right.
00:31:08Listen, he read my mind and all.
00:31:10There are signs.
00:31:11There are signs, my brothers.
00:31:14There are signs out there to everybody in here.
00:31:18And out of this, everything's supposed to be mutual because leading up to it, it took me a year of finding out that I had cancer.
00:31:27It took a long time.
00:31:27And I'm not saying that I didn't have a good doctor, but the onus is on you.
00:31:32Because if you're feeling something and you're feeling uncomfortable with it, you need to talk to your doctor about it and say, doc, I think you need to do a next test.
00:31:41But what I'm saying, leading up to finding out, my partner was never there.
00:31:46Not once would say, let me come with you.
00:31:49So the signs were there.
00:31:50It was blaring at you, but you didn't want to hear it.
00:31:52It's not that.
00:31:53Did you leave at that point?
00:31:54No, you don't leave.
00:31:56But what happened is, had he said, I'm seeing a sign and let me have a conversation to figure out if this is a sign or something else, the outcome, I'm not saying it will have been, it could be different, but it may change.
00:32:10Or she might have leave earlier and he might not have been that devastated.
00:32:12Well, the writing is on the wall.
00:32:14The writing is there.
00:32:15And that part is the truth.
00:32:17And that's it because when you're choosing a partner, as you're going through the process, you would see signs of things, you know, right?
00:32:24It could be a small situation.
00:32:26My tire, I get a flat tire, right?
00:32:29And how the person deal with it.
00:32:30But when you see the signs, you really, you think of that.
00:32:33It could be earth shattering.
00:32:34You're ready to deal with it.
00:32:35We don't want to deal with that.
00:32:36So we have a sign.
00:32:38And the sign is that we have to take out.
00:32:39Right, right, right.
00:32:40And our sign is this.
00:32:42So we, you know, a very serious topic in men's health.
00:32:47And we're talking about it, not just in men's health, but in men's health.
00:32:51And we're going to delve a bit deeper into the stress and the mental health of men's health when we come back from the break.
00:33:10Welcome back to Manhood, where we've been discussing men's health.
00:33:13And now we're going to delve a little deeper into mental health.
00:33:18Johanse, you said you had a nice definition for us.
00:33:21A simplified definition of what mental health is, is the quality of your thoughts, feelings, and actions as relating to your environment.
00:33:31So let me say it again.
00:33:32The quality of your thoughts, feelings, and actions in relation to your environment.
00:33:37So it could be something as simple as your environment is traffic, how you deal with it, your thoughts of your, the quality of your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
00:33:46Your environment could be your relationship, romantic or otherwise.
00:33:49It could be your household.
00:33:50It could be your job.
00:33:51It could be the sporty plane, et cetera, et cetera.
00:33:53So when I say the quality, because how you deal with certain situations, there are always life stressors, low life stressors, mid, high, et cetera.
00:34:03And if you're unable, because sometimes even myself, especially I would say when it comes to more the evening time, when we have less energy and we have less energy to manage our emotions, you get to see the quality of your mental health.
00:34:19And worse yet, sometimes it's happened earlier in the day because you wake up to a relationship, you don't like.
00:34:25Then next thing you have children in the relationship, you don't like.
00:34:28You're going to a job, you don't like.
00:34:29Then you have to jump in a car, you might not like, in traffic, you don't like, before you even reach work in mental health in a state.
00:34:36So you're coping mechanisms.
00:34:38Yes.
00:34:39And sometimes people don't even have coping mechanisms.
00:34:41Correct.
00:34:42Because I just can't handle this and they just unleash.
00:34:45Or there's an outburst.
00:34:47There's a coping mechanism because by a burst, by, you know, you're able to unzip.
00:34:52That's when your coping mechanisms are not working.
00:34:56So I would disagree highly because if in that situation, whether subconscious or consciously, someone, you know, something's happening to me and I go, f***, right?
00:35:07And then I'm cool after that.
00:35:08Or it stopped me from doing an action, right?
00:35:11That's my way of coping.
00:35:12It stopped me from doing something further.
00:35:14All right.
00:35:14I see what you're saying.
00:35:15I agree.
00:35:16Because if the outburst of a curse or whatever it is, stop you from coughing somebody, right?
00:35:22That could be a level of coping.
00:35:25You might realize it as a coping mechanism.
00:35:26You might turn to it and say, hey, this is my way to diffuse that particular situation with your...
00:35:31Okay.
00:35:32But is it an appropriate...
00:35:35That's semantics.
00:35:37That's up for discussion.
00:35:38I mean, what might be good for somebody might be good for another.
00:35:40We could have a discussion here whether we talk about women's use of words like manalescence and...
00:35:45Listen, before you reach there.
00:35:48Let me qualify that.
00:35:49Because you're saying whether it's good or not, right?
00:35:52One way to know your mental health in a good state is if you're able to process the situation and come up with solutions and do what is best for the situation.
00:36:01So, let's go with the traffic, an easy one, right?
00:36:05I'm in traffic.
00:36:07I have to be, quote unquote, in traffic for the next hour to reach to my job for the appropriate time.
00:36:12Do I cuss?
00:36:14Do I skin up my face?
00:36:16Do I listen to an audio book?
00:36:18Do I call somebody and talk to somebody I didn't talk to in a long time?
00:36:22How do I pass the time and deal with it?
00:36:25And if, one, you're not even able to come up with the options, you know your mental health in trouble if you just jump to something.
00:36:32Or the solution you choose is not the best for the situation.
00:36:35So, if you cuss all the way to your workplace, right?
00:36:39We could start with maybe the first 10 seconds could be coping.
00:36:42But after that, you're in trouble.
00:36:45And once you're out of control, you're literally out of control.
00:36:48Right.
00:36:48So, I'm saying to you, but when you said coping mechanisms and you, my way of saying something, whether it be a swear word, and that's not necessarily a coping mechanism.
00:36:59I'm saying that it's conscious and subconscious.
00:37:01But as long as it helps you defuse a situation or makes you less aggressive in a particular environment.
00:37:06If I cuss and I still run down a car or come out and hit a man, then it's not a coping mechanism.
00:37:13Unless that is a further coping mechanism that would have stopped you from doing something even worse.
00:37:18I mean, it depends.
00:37:19I mean, what I have done for coping mechanism is something has happened.
00:37:23So, there's a flood on the highway.
00:37:25There's an accident.
00:37:27Traffic is backed up.
00:37:29Is there anything I can do?
00:37:31Really and truly, no.
00:37:33This situation is not in my control.
00:37:36It's absolutely not in my control.
00:37:38Could I try and take a back road?
00:37:41Am I in a position to come off my way, my main route, and go through a back road if there's a flood?
00:37:49The chances, I might say, you know, knowledgeable about the route, I might say, you know, I'm heading east.
00:37:53If it's flooding in Pajay, it's definitely flooding in Karanay.
00:37:58So, I might, the old saying goes, I might be moving from Pfizer bad to Pfizer worse.
00:38:03So, I live in a bad situation, the whole situation.
00:38:06So, my phone charge, let me make a WhatsApp call to somebody.
00:38:11You can't be late twice.
00:38:13Because I can't control it.
00:38:14I can't control the weather.
00:38:16I can't control the traffic.
00:38:17So, it's out of my ability to control it.
00:38:20You can control your behavior and the way you react in the circumstance.
00:38:22The way that I process it.
00:38:24And that is the quality of your mental health.
00:38:26And deal with it.
00:38:28But that is something that, number one, we may be born with inherent coping mechanisms.
00:38:34It has to be nurtured from childhood for both men and women.
00:38:38And also, you have to look at restoring and rejuvenating those mechanisms.
00:38:43Because they can be eroded.
00:38:45Now, when you speak of illness, right?
00:38:47Illness in itself has a psychology for both men and women.
00:38:51Because there's a psychology, it's almost like grief.
00:38:54How many stages you have.
00:38:55And you're not going from one, two, three, four, five.
00:38:57You're going to go one, five, four, three, two.
00:38:59And you go back and you go back and you go back.
00:39:01So, there are a lot of factors that you have to look at.
00:39:05Now, we as women, I could tell you, we as women, I tell people,
00:39:09we really may be responsible for what happened to men.
00:39:13Because we were supposed to nurture you all a little better.
00:39:15Just up the audio there a bit.
00:39:16No, no, no.
00:39:17Wait a minute.
00:39:18Because we do have questions.
00:39:20Sometimes we wonder, can a man ever tell the truth?
00:39:23You understand?
00:39:25Does a man really have emotions in some cases?
00:39:28Does a man feel?
00:39:30You understand where I'm coming from?
00:39:31Because sometimes we don't see it.
00:39:32Most times we don't see it from men.
00:39:34So, I think that that may be something, and I'm not saying it's a fault of ours,
00:39:38but it's a fault of both sexes, in lack of communication about the feelings.
00:39:43So, I may leave a partner because of a perception, miscommunication,
00:39:49and both our affairs not being explained at that time.
00:39:52You understand where I'm coming from?
00:39:54I don't like to bash men.
00:39:56I mean, but sometimes, really and truly, you wonder if y'all were born from the same earth.
00:40:00You know what I mean?
00:40:01No, no, no.
00:40:02We're from two different planets.
00:40:03You're from two different planets.
00:40:04You're from where?
00:40:05Venus or Mars?
00:40:06Which one?
00:40:06Mars.
00:40:07Well, Dr. Hassan, and I'll give you a real-life excuse, because, I mean, I've been married twice.
00:40:13Twice?
00:40:13Yes, so I've been married twice, and I've been, I mean,
00:40:16You see?
00:40:17I've been, I've been, if you understand?
00:40:19But that is not, I mean, I've had relationships, obviously.
00:40:22I mean, you don't get to this age by, you know.
00:40:26I gave him another man.
00:40:28That is my problem.
00:40:30No, I'll tell you what the problem is, and I'll tell you the problem.
00:40:34You see the stigma associated with men?
00:40:37Because when a lot of friends saw me, and they said,
00:40:40Oh, is your wife, or your partner, or whatever it is, are we finished?
00:40:45So what does you do?
00:40:46You have a woman out.
00:40:48What does you do?
00:40:49Well, that's generally what I ask.
00:40:51And I will tell you, and that is men and women.
00:40:54Because this society that we have here, right now, needs a lot of self-examination.
00:41:01Because a lot of men are thrown under the bus.
00:41:05And I'm happy to have a show like Manhood, because this needs to be discussed more and more and more.
00:41:12Because there's a lot of men outside there feeling, hey, we are alone in this battle, you know.
00:41:17Because we choose sometimes to have male friends instead of having our wife or our partner as our main friend.
00:41:27As your best friend.
00:41:28As your best friend.
00:41:29And women sometimes say, oh, leave you like the way you want to do now.
00:41:33And our behavior, the way that we behave in public and the way we behave sometimes behind closed doors.
00:41:41It doesn't project that.
00:41:43So we ourselves need to change our attitude and be more respectful to the people.
00:41:50And, you know, respect is a big word, you know.
00:41:52Respect is just not a talk down to you.
00:41:56It's a simple thing like, if your wife or your partner put out the garbage, say, thanks, honey, for putting out the garbage.
00:42:02I really appreciate it.
00:42:03Who teaches you that?
00:42:04Because we sometimes wonder, what school all you went to?
00:42:09Like, where y'all learned some of the behaviors that you learned?
00:42:12Give me an example.
00:42:13Okay, so first, cheating is the biggest example.
00:42:16I'm probably showing you because that's a big bag of things.
00:42:17I mean, all.
00:42:18No, she didn't say all yet.
00:42:20Let her finish now.
00:42:20Go ahead.
00:42:21Okay, so let's say, how you would respond to if your wife or your partner, your female partner, was more powerful financially than you.
00:42:30Right?
00:42:31Oh, it changed from cheating.
00:42:32Okay.
00:42:33Well, you want me to go cheating?
00:42:34All right, now we go cheating.
00:42:35That way you start with.
00:42:35Why it is, why is it that men feel that they have to go around the block, that you have to cheat?
00:42:42And why you feel you have to do it?
00:42:44Because for us women, nine out of ten of hell, you're cheating.
00:42:49All right, so let's first take out.
00:42:50Where y'all learn it from.
00:42:51Let's first take out the word cheat.
00:42:53And what we doing.
00:42:54Right?
00:42:55Because, you see, that again, like manolescence, like these terminologies.
00:42:58What is manolescence?
00:42:59Men, and again, I want to say we're not speaking on behalf of all men.
00:43:06We are few men speaking to all men, right?
00:43:08So this is our opinions.
00:43:09And in discussions that I've had, you know, on, and this is our 40-something or 50-something, this is our episode.
00:43:17So we've had many a conversation, many in our own groups and our own experiences and our own livelihoods.
00:43:23When we hear the word cheat, it's not a terminology that really men use.
00:43:29Because somehow men innately understand that in certain circumstances, that's who we are.
00:43:37What?
00:43:39So therefore, monogamy, no, again, again, this is again not speaking on behalf of all men.
00:43:45I'm talking about men I've spoken to.
00:43:48And monogamy is not something that's understood to be natural, right?
00:43:53Nobody's saying it is a science.
00:43:54By some men.
00:43:55Correct.
00:43:56We're not saying that that's a fact.
00:43:59It is just how certain people feel with regards to the animal kingdom.
00:44:03So it's not a matter of, don't start with the cancel culture and all the rest of it.
00:44:06This is just how people have freedom of expression, freedom of speech, freedom of the show, right?
00:44:11So to say cheat is something that I wouldn't feel that I've cheated.
00:44:19I just felt that, hey, you know what?
00:44:21The moment came about, an urge was there, an urge was met, and an urge was dealt with, right?
00:44:26And then it doesn't take away the fact that you're not in love with your partner.
00:44:29It doesn't take away the fact.
00:44:30But then women naturally will come back and say, so what if they did the same thing?
00:44:33What is good for the goose must be good for the gander, right?
00:44:36And that's a whole other discussion.
00:44:41But you're looking at me as if I'm saying, I'm condoning you.
00:44:43I'm merely saying to you that the word cheat does not come into the book.
00:44:46And when I say a wrong book, it means that when I was married, I was married.
00:44:49You know, I was married at the first time for a very long time.
00:44:50Next time, let's cut the bulls**t.
00:44:51And the second time.
00:44:53Let's be really pretty ass and let's talk again.
00:44:56So the second time.
00:44:57So you might cheat in thoughts or whatever it is.
00:45:01But what I'm saying, a single man, a single man growing up here,
00:45:05I have all the powers that you have.
00:45:07I mean, I mean.
00:45:09I mean what?
00:45:11Okay, okay.
00:45:12Just now, just now, just now.
00:45:13Yeah, tell me your answer.
00:45:15Everybody's free to say what they have to say.
00:45:17Exactly.
00:45:17We were saying before, a man needs to be honest with himself.
00:45:21Yes.
00:45:22Men, different men, including myself, want to experience life in different ways.
00:45:27So a man might want one woman, a man might want ten women.
00:45:31So first you have to come to the realization of what you want, right?
00:45:34Then when you come to that realization and why, then when you're seeking it, the honest thing is to let the person know.
00:45:43So if I say I want ten women, I'll tell her, hey, use number one or use number five or use number whatever it is.
00:45:48So that's why I say the lying part of it now, right?
00:45:53Because one, this is my opinion, and I am guilty of it also.
00:45:58Lying to me is not a masculine trait, right?
00:46:00I'm not saying it's a feminine trait, but if it is a man, stand up on your chest, right?
00:46:05If you're saying what you want, just say where it is.
00:46:07Now the person might, and that way you give the person the option to say, no, I don't want to be part of that, or I want to be part of that.
00:46:14Instead of sneaking around, because there's no real men who sneak around, you know.
00:46:19They're trying to do that, don't they?
00:46:20Real men always sneaking around.
00:46:23I disagree with that as a Trinidadian thing.
00:46:26I can't.
00:46:26I say it's something that's happening in Trinidad.
00:46:29It could be happening in all, right?
00:46:30But, and I will say this because other cultures, some other cultures, the men are very open.
00:46:36Trinidad and Caribbean men, we are less direct about what we want.
00:46:41And therefore, I even had men, I'll tell you, many men prefer to cheat on their wife or their girlfriend than tell their girlfriend the truth about something and fear of hurting their feelings.
00:46:53As oxymoronic as that may sound, I don't want the disapproving face of my wife or my girlfriend because that's how many of us Caribbean men will socialize.
00:47:03So, instead of that, instead of saying, well, you know, unhappy with a relationship or a fine year getting fat or something, I will not say that and I will look somewhere else and avoid it to get away from the disapproving face.
00:47:16But, to clarify one thing.
00:47:18I'm not telling me that if I don't get fat, but when I go in a bare belly, they're still happy.
00:47:22But, you know, I'll tell you one thing.
00:47:24Honestly, I have always been, I mean, it's hard for people, I've always been honest in my relationship.
00:47:30In my marriages, I was married once.
00:47:34Twice I've been married, I've been faithful.
00:47:35In this relationship here, I am a one.
00:47:38I don't have time.
00:47:40I'll tell you something.
00:47:41You get to a certain point in your life when certain things happen in your life.
00:47:44You don't have time for bull****.
00:47:47I don't have the time, the energy, the effort to go out to sneak around anyway.
00:47:54But is this because of what you experience?
00:47:57No, it is inherited.
00:47:58You see, men, most men are like crocodiles.
00:48:03Crocodile is an opportunist hunter.
00:48:05Oh, okay.
00:48:05It means that we don't go out looking for it.
00:48:07If we're in a situation and a thing passes, you can say, here what, men?
00:48:13Because crocodiles don't go out and hunt men, you know.
00:48:16It don't eat people, it hunt, they're what of any water.
00:48:20But if a man stand up too close to the edge, he's going to look up.
00:48:22So, I think most men, and I don't want to say, oh, he's currently being men.
00:48:28In every show, I always ask, you know, what your impressions are, or like, what's your interpretation of a man?
00:48:35And in this case, we know a man is a crocodile.
00:48:37He's an opportunist hunter.
00:48:39He's a hunter.
00:48:40He's born a hunter.
00:48:42He's a hunter.
00:48:43But he is, some, most men, most men are opportunist hunters.
00:48:49Women are different.
00:48:52A woman will go up in a tree like a leopard or a jaguar and seek out a prey and pounce on it.
00:49:00What?
00:49:00And plan to eat it.
00:49:02Because don't sit down here, doctor.
00:49:03Me?
00:49:04Dr. Santé.
00:49:05Don't sit down here and feel here.
00:49:06We're at that pump.
00:49:08How?
00:49:08You all are, you all are, you all are, you all are, here the snowman.
00:49:12They say chopping water, don't leave man.
00:49:14So women will stay in a tree and wait for the right thing and say, you see, Dumas, dead.
00:49:21Today dead.
00:49:22Well, it's the power of the peace.
00:49:23And jump out of the tree.
00:49:25Women plan to kill.
00:49:27Men, the passing through.
00:49:30But can I ask a question, though?
00:49:31Do you think, do you think that when we look from years ago to now, have you seen any kind of change?
00:49:41Is it positive when it comes to men and how they are perceived by their women in their lives?
00:49:46How they're perceived by their partners by being faithful and being monogamous at an earlier age and not waiting till an older age to be monogamous?
00:49:54But is it, is it that you, is it that women, just like men, you know, men are very, you know, simple creatures.
00:50:01Some men are very simple creatures.
00:50:02Like in terms of you understand, you know, sex, sex is, sex is very, is, is, is, is, um, very complex.
00:50:14He was going to say simple.
00:50:15You know?
00:50:16He was going to say sex was simple.
00:50:18And you now say that it comes.
00:50:20We're just taking long now.
00:50:21So it had to be complex if we're taking long.
00:50:23But I just, I really want us to come down to our closing and mental health and how some of these things, Asante, like as a woman, plays on a man's mental health and has a part to play.
00:50:37And even though, in your case, Dexter, where you experienced through, through your illness, um, and now in, in recovery, which is all part of a mental health game, you know, you can, you know, to, to help, um, real, rehabilitate yourself.
00:50:53And what you went through during, you had a double whammy, you know, and it, and it's, and, you know, and it's, it's, it's really saddening to hear such a story and, and, and alarming and eye opening on so many levels.
00:51:06But fortunately for you, you know, um, God, God sent his best soldiers to the top, to, to fight the toughest wars in certain circumstances.
00:51:14And you were able to come through that because of your mental fortitude.
00:51:19But there are many people who don't have that, who don't, won't have that ability.
00:51:24We'll be crushed by one, far less two.
00:51:27And what, what advice, what advice do, do we give those men who are fighting through that?
00:51:36Well, I'll tell you something.
00:51:40You need people, no matter what.
00:51:44You need people.
00:51:45We need someone to talk to.
00:51:48You know, whether it may be a psychologist.
00:51:51We need many to reach out and say, I need help.
00:51:54First thing, you have to recognize that I have an issue to deal with.
00:51:58And don't try and do it on your own.
00:52:01Do it on your own.
00:52:02It was never really made out to be that way.
00:52:05You don't necessarily need a good woman or a good wife at your hand.
00:52:09You need a good friend.
00:52:10You need somebody to listen.
00:52:12Sometimes all we need is a listening ear.
00:52:14You know, sometimes you tell somebody your story and they want to, no, listen.
00:52:18Just listen to what it is I have to say.
00:52:21And as you mentioned earlier, your dad was just talking, talking, talking, talking, talking.
00:52:24He didn't want anybody to talk back to him, you know.
00:52:26He just want to vent.
00:52:29The more we talk about it is the more we have acceptance with it.
00:52:35So I would say reach out to somebody, whether it may be a priest, whether it may be somebody that would listen.
00:52:42And you need to figure out who that person is.
00:52:44But we really need people.
00:52:46At the end of the day, it's really sad that we really can't do it alone.
00:52:51I couldn't really do it alone.
00:52:52And what I had was the ability to look deep inside and come out of it.
00:52:58But I had help.
00:52:59I had people that was talking to me continuously, consistently saying the same thing.
00:53:06And when you go to your bedroom in the night and you put your head on that pillow and you have to sleep, you are alone.
00:53:13That is the toughest about me.
00:53:15Because when your eyes close and they open, you go back to the thoughts that left you, that put you to sleep.
00:53:22Because you go to sleep thinking about that, you know.
00:53:25You sleep for two hours, you get up, and those thoughts are right there.
00:53:29Staring at you.
00:53:30So I'm saying it's just practice.
00:53:33You need a good circle of friends.
00:53:34Keep talking about it.
00:53:36Keep talking about it.
00:53:38And when you're looking for that right person, I'll just give one message to all men and to all women.
00:53:45Look for someone that is mutual.
00:53:49Anytime we give something, we must receive something.
00:53:53We cannot give love and not receive love.
00:53:56So life is mutual.
00:53:58Don't let anybody tell you it's 80-20 or it's 50-50.
00:54:02Whatever you give out, you have to receive it.
00:54:05And if you're not receiving it in a relationship, walk.
00:54:12That's what I'm doing.
00:54:13Yeah, I think.
00:54:14No, I appreciate what Dexter said because I think it's also important for us to, both men and women in society, need to change.
00:54:24There's no doubt about that.
00:54:25And allow, we as women need to allow men to understand that they are beings, they are spiritual beings, and that it's a safe space to express your emotion to us.
00:54:36I think that's very important.
00:54:39I, for example, will sit down with my husband and say, for example, well, X, Y, Z, you know, how are you feeling about this?
00:54:45And, I mean, of course, I'm married to a man who can communicate that, and I'm lucky and I'm blessed with that.
00:54:50But I think you're very right.
00:54:51But as Johanse said, your definition of mental health, so understanding yourself, being self-aware, understanding your mechanisms, your coping mechanisms, and more so not being afraid to reach out for help.
00:55:06So it's not about only the woman in your life or your partner in life.
00:55:10It's also about your circle of support that must be there.
00:55:13You know what I mean?
00:55:14Women, yes, we've been empowered over the years to be alone, to do more things, to get better jobs.
00:55:18But that doesn't define us.
00:55:21That's not our only definition.
00:55:23We still want to be nurtured.
00:55:24We still want to be taken care of.
00:55:26You know, we still want that.
00:55:27But we also have to make sure that there's a backup plan.
00:55:31You understand where I'm coming from?
00:55:32So I think being aware of yourself as men and when illness hits, be it man or woman, is going to knock you hard.
00:55:38And so you have to not be afraid to reach out to help.
00:55:41Find that help.
00:55:42You have to be in touch with your emotions.
00:55:44And you have to understand, just as he's saying his father spoke a lot and Dexter said, you know, you let it out and you let it happen.
00:55:52That in itself is a coping mechanism and restoring your coping mechanism because it allows your vital energy and your emotions to flow.
00:56:00And if that flows, you get less stagnation.
00:56:01And then you might not show that obscenity if something happens because you're there and you're more balanced.
00:56:07So I think it's about, I don't think I know, we as human beings, both men and women, have to learn the new way.
00:56:16And that is the new support system for each other.
00:56:18We have to communicate better.
00:56:20And while there, it's, you know, I mean, yeah, we have a lot of ramp and ramp with Robert and so about men, women, yada, yada.
00:56:26But the reality is I really appreciate men in society.
00:56:30And I don't think that it's a big change that we as women are asking for.
00:56:35But what we would like to see is much better communication both ways, the highway.
00:56:39And you're right, it is mutual.
00:56:41You understand?
00:56:42And sometimes how men express their love is not how it's perceived by the woman.
00:56:46And that's where communication comes in.
00:56:48But a man has to be empowered to know their feelings and be safe, be okay.
00:56:55It doesn't make you less of a man to tell me today is not a good day.
00:56:59It doesn't make you less of a man.
00:57:01It makes you much more attractive if you are able to tell me that.
00:57:05Because you're showing me that you are feeling that it's not just slam-bam, thank you, ma'am.
00:57:12That it is more to it.
00:57:14And that is very important.
00:57:15Sometimes you're not even saying thank you.
00:57:17Well, yeah.
00:57:18But, you know, I really, as a woman, and this is no jokes, no BS, I appreciate if, and I have male friends.
00:57:25And I appreciate their discussions, and I'm able to change, and I raise sons, you know.
00:57:31And it's about, can we please have that discussion and know that it's safe for you to express your emotion?
00:57:37Because we're all going to be hit by something big or small.
00:57:41And we have to restore that coping mechanism and be safe, feel safe with it, honestly.
00:57:48Okay.
00:57:48Thank you for that.
00:57:49I want to thank both of you all for coming, right, especially for the, one, the personal experience of it,
00:57:57and, two, giving the medical side of it, because knowledge is power.
00:58:02And men watching, knowing exactly what is the state of your mental and physical health, important.
00:58:07Because if we avoid it, then it will creep up on us, and then we will be dehabilitated in a way that we can't even take care of our families, right?
00:58:17We can't even put something in place in time.
00:58:21So I appreciate it, and it changed also my perspective to make sure in terms of my own health.
00:58:28And thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:58:31And, Robert, your closing remarks.
00:58:34Not much.
00:58:34It's been said.
00:58:36Really, really good eye-opening segment yet again.
00:58:41Share personally what gets me through.
00:58:43My coping mechanism in certain things through injuries and surgeries that I've had is this too shall pass.
00:58:50It's been a big one for me to know that 6 o'clock in the morning is good to come, whether you are there, how you're present is up to you.
00:58:56But that time of the morning will come.
00:59:00Seek help.
00:59:01Seek the right community for where you want to go.
00:59:06If you're looking to go east, there's no point going west.
00:59:08So seek the community that's going in that direction and join them.
00:59:13Seek that help.
00:59:15There are many, many places out there with regards to whether it be diseases, communicable diseases, diseases such as dreaded diseases such as cancer, screening.
00:59:25Screening really is important.
00:59:28And I'm going to take my own advice, hun, and get checked out.
00:59:33So, you know, it is better, you know.
00:59:37Should we say thumbs up?
00:59:38What time?
00:59:39What day?
00:59:40Not thumbs up.
00:59:41Not a good analogy at all.
00:59:43So, you know, finger waving at this.
00:59:46So, this has been another eye-opening manhood.
00:59:50Men's health, not just physically, but mentally.
00:59:54Your coping mechanisms are really important.
00:59:56Find that.
00:59:56Find that that works for you.
00:59:58That sort of, that, what's the word they use?
01:00:02That safe word.
01:00:03That safe word that puts you back into reality to know that you will be okay.
01:00:07And choose the right community to keep making sure that you are okay.
01:00:11So, manhood, thank you.
01:00:13Dr. Asante LeBlanc for being here.
01:00:15Dexter.
01:00:17Johansi, always a pleasure.
01:00:18See you for the next one.
01:00:25Manhood.
01:00:26Brought to you in part by Reboot Sports Drink.
01:00:28Brought to you in part by Reboot Sports Drink.