With Shai Noymark
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00:00Manhood, brought to you in part by Solomon's Bespoke.
00:05Manhood, brought to you in part by Reboot Sports Drink.
00:14Welcome to another conversation here on Manhood.
00:18Really a pleasure to be here having a discussion as always on men's issues and issues that concern us all.
00:25Well, today's topic is, are we really that different?
00:31What do men really want?
00:33So I say it again, are we really that different?
00:36What do men really want?
00:37It's a conversation that we've had many a time in different formats, functions, areas.
00:43We really want to try and dig deep today.
00:45And remember, we are not speaking on behalf of all men.
00:48We are few men speaking to all men.
00:50So I'm delighted to have to my right, Johanse Iodike, Behavior Change Consultant, in his fancy, you know, plaid kind of get up there.
01:00I like it.
01:01Yeah, we'd have that discussion at another time in terms of men's dress, you know, and their expression with regards to that.
01:08To his right, we have Shai Neumark, also known, better known as Coco Boy.
01:15369.
01:15So we're really happy to have you here, all the way from Israel, and also, you know, with background, the Czech Republic, Germany, Libya, Morocco.
01:28So really diverse, so he would really be able to give us some context into are we really all that different, you know, coming from a real global perspective.
01:36And to his right, Niall McNeish, vibes God.
01:40So let's get straight into it, guys.
01:42Yeah, you know, we hear it all the time, you know, sometimes we ask ourselves, is a Caribbean man, a Trini man different to someone in Barbados?
01:52Is someone in the Caribbean different to someone outside the region?
01:56Are we different to Europe?
01:58Are we different in Africa?
01:59At the core, are we really that different?
02:02And then we want to go into, once we can have a better understanding of that, what do men really want?
02:09So, I'll start.
02:13I haven't traveled enough, I think, to say that I could say what all men want, or even if we're all the same, but in the few places I've traveled, right?
02:25I would say fundamentally, yes, right?
02:29Men are the core, we are the same, but when we are socialized differently.
02:37So, I'll give one example.
02:38Let's just say men want food, right?
02:44Men like to eat food, that's all men like.
02:48It will depend on how you eat.
02:50If you're from a Muslim background, it would be different.
02:52If you're from a Christian background, a Hindu background, it would be different.
02:54But the thing is, men still wear like full ass, and shouldn't I say, wear like your belly.
02:59So, I would say, yes, I start with my premise.
03:01Yes, all men are fundamentally the same, but different religion, different races, different countries.
03:08So, as we talk about cultures and backgrounds, et cetera, which will determine maybe your outlook on certain things,
03:15at the core, there are certain things that I would say that make us the same.
03:20I mean, we're not talking about the anatomy, the biological makeup, and I've heard that before.
03:25You know, they say a waiter, a man's heart is through his belly, it's through his stomach.
03:29But again, I sit here in the chair and think to myself, but I know many women.
03:34You know, I met one woman just the other day who, you know, very petite, who eats 13 doubles.
03:39Another one who eats two rotis.
03:40You know, I have some cousins of mine, Terry, who could really put away a meal.
03:46So, again, is that really a male thing?
03:49It isn't.
03:50I was about to say, that's a human thing.
03:53A way to any human's heart is through the stomach.
03:56The first thing women want to do is, like, they want to eat.
03:59Like, that's the first, everybody knows that that's the rule.
04:01If it is that you're tracking a woman, take her out to get something to eat.
04:05You're going to, she'll fall in love with you.
04:07Not just, you know, they're ready to cancel.
04:09But the reality is, ladies, if you're out there and any one of y'all say that y'all don't want to go to a dinner date,
04:15I know that you're lying, right?
04:16But, anyway, to men in particular, and we're talking about cultures, right?
04:21I think that men are fundamentally different.
04:24And the culture or the society dictates that difference.
04:28You understand?
04:29So, if you're going on the actual, I wouldn't even say men want sex.
04:33Some men just not interested in it.
04:35Like, not so thirsty all the time, right?
04:38So, what is the fundamental similarity between all men of all cultures?
04:46I would go with wanting to be respected and loved.
04:51That's the two things I would say that all men.
04:53You know, but I want to bring Shia into this, right?
04:56Because we want to get from a global perspective.
04:58So, the first thing I would look at is, initially, in a conversation, like I said, you know, we have these little forums outside of the filmings of manhood.
05:09And in one of these, in one forum, there were 17 women and myself.
05:14And we were having a discussion.
05:15And, ultimately, we were talking about how simple a man's request at its basic is and how complex a woman's need is.
05:26And part of that complexity is the fact that it changes.
05:29Whereas, at the core, a man may simply want two things.
05:32And it's outside of to be loved and to be enough because that's fundamentally what all humans want, again.
05:38Yeah.
05:38And it comes down to, again, we're not all men.
05:43We're speaking on, we have few men speaking to all men, right?
05:46But in terms of, in our research, those two things would be, at its core, sex and food, right?
05:54Because even in an argument or relationship, and we put it in the context of a relationship,
06:00if you give a man sex, right, in that relationship, his emotional state is going to change to be happier.
06:08Right?
06:09And a woman is waiting on that emotional state to be happy to give sex.
06:13And it's always that dynamic.
06:15Say that again.
06:15Say that again.
06:16So, in a relationship, right?
06:18And this, again, this is just in the research that has been done in my field, in terms of, you know, the podcast and so on that we would look at,
06:28in terms of when it comes to the topic that we're looking into.
06:30If you're in a relationship and two people are at a standoff, right, the man might be upset because he's not getting sex.
06:39And the woman needs to be in an emotional state to be able to give of herself and to give sex.
06:44Right?
06:44So, it's that dynamic, that catch-22.
06:47So, it comes down to that the woman needs to be in a mentally a good place to give of herself and the man wants sex to be able to be in that place.
06:58So, at the core, what we're coming back to is men want sex.
07:03Right?
07:04To be happy and to give, you know, happy wife, happy life.
07:07They say, well, give our man some sex.
07:10You know, happy job.
07:11And so, I'm saying that to say that when we talk about this being Caribbean men or Trini men or Red Man and all of these different terms that you hear on a constant basis,
07:26Shai, having traveled the world, having done all these YouTube podcasts and things like that, are we really that different in our thinking?
07:36Yeah, 100%.
07:37And I can tell you that, for example, my first Caribbean country was Jamaica.
07:44And I flew from Mexico directly to Jamaica.
07:47So, the transition that I made was very extreme because I went through a very interesting process in Mexico.
07:57And Mexico, I can tell you guys, that is very spiritual.
08:01Of course, it depends on the place that you choose to stay in Mexico.
08:05But if you choose to stay, for example, in the Pacific side in Mexico, you can have all these medicines like ayahuasca and mushroom ceremonies.
08:13And the people that come there, they are different in the way they are also seeking for a relationship, the way they want a relationship.
08:23Okay.
08:23So, I will now move directly to Jamaica and I will go backwards in a bit to what was in Mexico.
08:31But the thing is that in Jamaica, for example, I got a little bit of culture shock.
08:37Because for me, the women in Jamaica, and I see it less here, but in Jamaica, it's something that is very out there on the spotlight.
08:46Very masculine energy.
08:48So, for me, I felt like a lot of resistance.
08:55And I couldn't like, that was very difficult for me to date with women over there or to even start something with the women.
09:03Because that energy of femininity that I was looking for was not there.
09:08And I believe that it was created by men that approach in a certain way to a woman over there or in general, the relationships between women that cause the women to be in their masculine energy.
09:24It's a very protective energy.
09:26And it's a very, you know, energy that I, first of all, for Jamaican men, that works fantastic.
09:33But when I tried to investigate and understand where it comes from, I saw how they approached them in the streets.
09:40So, they come and they say, you have a nice pom-pom.
09:44So, for me, that was the first time that a man actually looking into a woman's vagina and not to her face or even to her boobs.
09:53It's okay.
09:54But I was shocked.
09:55Like, okay, this is how you say to women.
09:58So, I understand why women will, like, will, will be very aggressive towards a man.
10:05Okay.
10:06That, you know, this is the way he approaches.
10:09So, if I go backwards to Mexico, in Mexico, actually, I had a little bit of drop with the YouTube, but I had a very big process over there.
10:18I experienced tantric massage, and I was in a place called Mazunte.
10:23It's like a small village.
10:24Five minutes, you go all the village, and a lot of interesting spiritual people are coming there.
10:31And tantric massage is basically a woman that I was fully naked in that massage.
10:39She plays with your sexual energy.
10:41You don't reach ejaculation, but...
10:47It's edging.
10:48Sorry?
10:48Edging.
10:49No, no, no, no, no.
10:51Continue, continue, continue, continue.
10:52Sorry.
10:53It's not edging.
10:55It's not that, right?
10:57It's not happy at all.
10:58It's not that.
11:00It's not that.
11:00No, no, no.
11:01It's very...
11:02It's about control.
11:03Okay.
11:04It's sensual.
11:05Tantric is like what sting practices.
11:06You know, it's that control of delay.
11:08Let's say that the most powerful energy that you have in your body, it's the sexual energy
11:16that you have.
11:16Creative energy.
11:17Now, it depends what you do with it, because it can be very manipulative.
11:21It can control you.
11:23But if you know how to control this energy, you can manifest.
11:27You can do a lot of things.
11:28Because it's an energy of creation.
11:31You create with that energy.
11:33So, I was at a time when that was overwhelming for me, that energy.
11:40I felt that it controls me.
11:42It controls me in a way that it was like too much already.
11:47And after the tantric massage, it's basically one hour to two hours, I felt that I fully can
11:55control it.
11:56Like, it's not conducting me anymore.
11:59And suddenly, also the interaction with women was very...
12:05If I wanted to have something with women, even sexually, I would talk to her before we
12:11even kiss.
12:12And I can tell her that I want to have sex with her.
12:16And what do you think about it?
12:18And then she tells me, yes, I would love to have it.
12:20And then we go to the room like that without even foreplay or me courting after her.
12:26That could happen in five minutes, ten minutes, just to understand a different way of approaching
12:33to women.
12:34And a woman that is in her femininity can feel very safe with me when I'm in my masculinity
12:43because I control 100% in that energy.
12:45And then we have an amazing open communication.
12:50And also the sex can be very good because we don't leave anything to doubt.
12:54We just talk about what we like and what our desires.
12:57So then I come to...
12:59From here, I go back to Jamaica.
13:00Boom!
13:00Electric Asia.
13:02Like culture shock that I get.
13:05So what about if you take it...
13:07I mean, you're experiencing probably like in an African country or Middle East country,
13:12especially in the Middle East, where, you know, women have to be very submissive, right?
13:19And you still see by, you know, men may be still in an aggressive type nature.
13:26How is that then different?
13:28Because if you're saying in Jamaica, in your experience, the masculine energy comes as a
13:33result of the approach of the men.
13:35But if you're saying in the Middle East, where they may be also in some form or at least
13:42perception, aggressive in some nature or approach or attitude towards a woman, the woman is not
13:51in a masculine energy at that point.
13:52So it depends like...
13:53Because Israel is mostly like...
13:55Israel is Jew.
13:57I'm not, by the way, religion.
14:00I'm not religious.
14:01I'm spiritual.
14:02I practice...
14:04I don't practice Judaism in any way.
14:08But if you take like Israel, so you have the Arab communities, for example, because
14:12all the Arab countries around Israel are Muslim, like majority Muslim.
14:18And over there, for sure, women don't have right to say.
14:22And this is like conducting in a very primitive way.
14:26Like, I don't know, like women cannot even speak sometimes, don't have the freedom of
14:30speech.
14:30But if we talk about Israel, Israel is very progressive.
14:34So in Israel, a lot of people are now become really high spiritually evolved.
14:41So you have a lot of retreats.
14:43And psychedelics are also part of this process of people are very involved with psychedelics.
14:49If it's mushrooms, ayahuasca, all the ceremonies that people start to release ego and like really
14:55connected to themselves.
14:56But if you take like Arab communities, some small, like they are very radical in their
15:02religion.
15:04So there you will find what you're talking about them.
15:06The machoistic man that basically leads.
15:10And if you go to those places like, I don't know, Raffaia, Gaza over there, it's exactly
15:18like in in those places, like, for example, behind the border, like like Jordan that can
15:25be in some places.
15:26Because I believe that Lebanon, by the way, is very progressive and Iran is also very progressive.
15:32So when I meet around the world, people from Lebanon in Iran, it's all hugs and kisses.
15:38On the news, it seems like we're a very big rival and enemies.
15:41But so it depends on which parts.
15:45If I would take it to Trinidad, I can tell you that in Trinidad, it's a little bit different
15:51from Jamaica.
15:53Jamaica is more aggressive in the way that they approach here.
15:58I found men to be much more gentle and much more inviting.
16:06Of course, it depends on what parts.
16:08But for example, if I take you as an example, I also saw today in the street, a man like
16:14hitting on women exactly like in Jamaica.
16:17So it depends.
16:18Well, the way that according to quote unquote, we'll hit on women will be a bit different
16:24because it's all tongue and cheek.
16:25You know, it's like, it's all part of just the way we are.
16:29So then all men are the same.
16:30Exactly.
16:31But in Trinidad, you go and you tell a woman, **** or any of these things, you might collect
16:36her burners.
16:38Correct.
16:38Like her heart.
16:39Correct.
16:39But what I was saying from the start?
16:41What does it mean?
16:42You might collect, you might get slapped.
16:45Ah, you might get slapped.
16:45Right?
16:45Yeah.
16:46Women in Trinidad are a little bit different.
16:48They're not tolerating.
16:48Well, certain parts are children.
16:49Certain parts.
16:50Certain parts are children.
16:51It's not all women in Trinidad at all.
16:53But I love that about women.
16:54And then they're not, they're not standing for, they're not standing for ****.
16:58Well, okay.
17:00What I started by saying is all men fundamentally same, but they have different upbringing, different
17:05culture, different practices.
17:07And then what you say improved the point because even after the tantric massage, you said you
17:12could go up to a woman and speak to her and in five minutes, right?
17:16So that is one methodology.
17:17But the core was, hey, I want sex.
17:19The Jamaican man go up and say, hey, I find you **** nice.
17:23You want sex.
17:23At Trinidad, I might come and say, well, baby, saying I gave you some nice, gentle lyrics.
17:28You want sex.
17:29So then it's the same fundamental thing.
17:32All men, what I was saying in my point, all men are fundamentally the same, but just different
17:38approaches based on culture, based on religion, based on race, based on et cetera, et cetera.
17:44And with that, we go into our break.
17:45Welcome back to manhood.
17:58And today we are speaking on, are men really that different?
18:03And we realizing that we're really not that different.
18:06I think in the end of the day, just something that maybe we can start from it.
18:10Like women wants to feel safe.
18:13Facts.
18:14And this is, I think, the main key that I was like learned in Mexico in general.
18:20And when you are in your masculine energy, and of course, you need to have also feminine energy.
18:26As a man, as a man.
18:28Because holding a space for a woman, when a woman like right now having, like she's angry
18:35and she feels like fear, like she has some, like she's scared of something.
18:40Anxiety.
18:40Anxiety.
18:41This is the feminine side of you, like holding space for her.
18:44But the man who says like, okay, I pay or I lead now and you follow me in a good way.
18:51This is your masculine energy.
18:52And I, I don't know, create something or making a business.
18:56This is your masculine energy.
18:58So it's all about making them feel safe.
19:00So let's use, let's use that to ask you, Shai, what, what do you, what's your impression or what, what would you determine are the traits of a man?
19:09I think you said before, a man wants to be respected and love.
19:15And I think like, this is, should be the basic.
19:18I think in the end of the day, what I'm looking in a woman in a, in a long-term relationship, if I want women for a long-term relationship would be a partner that I can go through.
19:29And that means that, because a lot of people do not understand, there is the beginning three to six first months that you are having these butterflies and you are all excited and it's all looks good.
19:49But after that, it drops down and then you meet yourself, you meet your, your lonely self.
19:56And then you see the flows in that other person and suddenly it doesn't look so pink and bright like it looked before.
20:03But here is your job trying not to change the other person, but trying to change yourself in order to see him in a different light.
20:11But most people, they tend to run away.
20:13Nobody wants to go deep today.
20:15Everybody wants just the casual sex and then run because it takes really hard work to go and deep and see the darkness in the other person and in yourself.
20:28Sometimes it's a looking glass.
20:30But, but apart from, because I know we're talking about what are men really that different and what do men really want?
20:38And we're speaking about it, which is good because it's a huge part of it, mainly in the context of a relationship.
20:43But outside of that, I'm talking about in general, are we really that different as men and not just in our interaction with women, but in terms of our outlook on life?
20:54What do we really want out of life?
20:56You know, apart from to be loved and to be enough, is it that we all want to be leaders?
21:04Do we all want lots of money?
21:05Do we want a lot of women?
21:07You know, in general is what I want us to really kind of do a deep dive of outside of just a relationship.
21:13Well, I think it's going to be difficult to go to a deep dive because based on, based on what we're talking about and what I hear, it just seems like it's just sex.
21:21Generally what all men want.
21:23Right?
21:23It's just, we just want to jam.
21:25So if we want money, we want money to get gills.
21:28We want to be in power to get gills.
21:31Yes.
21:31You understand?
21:32So is it, is it, is it, I personally, like, and again, this might sound strange, but I'm not really driven by sex, right?
21:39Like I, I've been in situations where women is like, they don't, they don't feel like I am attracted to them enough because I'm not running down the, the, the physical feeling.
21:53I don't think it's only sex.
21:54So that's why I was, I was rebutting.
21:55I really don't think it's only sex because all men, I say all men I've ever met, whether it is, I'm a friend, is a client, et cetera, have a unique view of the world, right?
22:09And there's something in the world that each man want to solve, right?
22:14Okay.
22:16Solve, maybe a little stretch, but solve or discover purpose.
22:20Okay, I like that.
22:21Okay.
22:21So, so I'll give examples.
22:23Like for me, human behavior fascinates me, right?
22:26So forget sex, forget women.
22:28If I was alone, I, I just love to sit and watch people and then maybe even ask them like, why you did this?
22:34Why did that?
22:35And go to different countries and see different behaviors and ask about it.
22:39So that's me.
22:39Now, is that, is that because, is that the psychologist or the therapist in you that is giving you that, you know, that, that curiosity or that desire to do that?
22:51Or is it, is it in general where we call people just being mucotious?
22:55No, I would say is, is my purpose because someone else, and this is what I've noticed, being around men.
23:02Every man views the world based on their purpose, based on their, their vision.
23:07And so I'll give you example, me and a bridge in our mind, we were jogging and I was looking when each person we saw, I was like, okay, this person, you know, looking a little down, this person happy, this person depressed, this person, this couple looking good.
23:20But he was a massage therapist and he was saying, okay, this person needs a line in, this person has an injury, I could help this person.
23:28And I've done this with an artist.
23:31They didn't see people, they saw scenery, they saw colors, they saw, et cetera.
23:35So I think each man has that in them, that unique view of the world based on their purpose and want to solve something.
23:43So I saw the people I could help psychologically.
23:46He saw the people he could help physiologically, the other person.
23:49So all the space that they could either improve or create aesthetically.
23:53What's your think, Alex?
23:55That was pretty cool.
23:56That's actually very insightful.
23:58I know, like, that's real insightful.
24:01I think if you want to really get the, something that I came to realize while in my journey, that it's very interesting that when you change yourself from the inside, it's, you know, I say all the time to people, you attract what you become.
24:19Right.
24:19Right.
24:20For what you are.
24:21So it's very interesting because when I pay attention that the people that I draw or the women that I draw to my life in a very fast way, it was like, maybe it could be the next day.
24:32I feel like I did some pro, like work in a work on myself and I changed something or how I react to something.
24:41The next day I already has that friend or that women that is exactly what I become.
24:50So I said, like, man, the universe works in a very fast way when you change yourself from the inside.
24:55So this is the thing is when your focus is not try to change anything from the outside and just from the inside.
25:01It brings to you what you're looking for.
25:03The, the, the, the, the, the speed that it's come to your life, it's like.
25:10It's insane, but it's more like, it's more like when you do that work, I believe that you actually get, you, you take off blinders.
25:17You actually, they were, they were always there, you know.
25:19Those type of, the women or the interactions were there always.
25:23However, you won't open to the opportunities because internally you did not, yeah, you, it was not tapped in.
25:31So, and the minute you start to do that shadow work and you start to ask yourself the difficult questions about why it is I do this or why it is I feel the way that I feel because of these interactions that I have in.
25:41And you start to really dive deep into yourself.
25:44Am I being over masculine?
25:45Am I putting on a, a mask just to impress my friends or my, or my other, um, other, other gentlemen around me?
25:51The minute that you do that, you, you, the, the veil is lifted and you start to see other spaces and opportunities for different people and, and, and a different world and, and does.
26:02So, and it works very, it's instant.
26:04The minute you change and, and, uh, is, is actually an ex-girlfriend of mine who, who always use a drill homeless to me.
26:11She said, if you ever want something that you never had, you have to be someone that you never was.
26:17And I was like, so Leah, wherever you are, thank you for that.
26:22That message stayed with me forever.
26:24And I appreciate you for that, you know?
26:26And, and so, you know, a lot of insightful stories and comments, um, coming out of, of this particular part of manhood.
26:35And I, I, I really want to, because I don't want us to end without having an understanding, um, you know, the world, the world, of course, naturally is very culturally diverse.
26:45Even within, um, countries, there are many cultures, there are many, people have many beliefs.
26:51I, I, I would like us to have a, really, discussion on what, what are some of our thoughts on the correlation between those cultures and what, what, if anything, makes us that different or really, and truly, at the core, the same.
27:06Because the difference might be how you may view a woman, if it's in a relationship, how you may view life based on religion or your culture and what you, you feel is necessary.
27:17Um, you know, you might want to talk a bit about, uh, if, if example, in the Caribbean countries may adopt that military service, you know, the, the, the two years military service, would it then have, would we now have a different outlook or behavior towards things like crime?
27:34I think so.
27:34Um, so let, let, let, let, let, let's do a deep dive.
27:37If you want to start off about your thoughts on what, what that's like and in your experience, maybe being in some countries, do you think that if that was, if that was implemented in some of these, these countries?
27:47Um, you've, you've, you've recently gone to some communities in Trinidad and Tobago.
27:51Do you think that that would have an impact, um, being in the army, you mean, being in the army, being in the army, I think like army has a lot of pros and a lot of, uh, codes like, and a lot of pros, but I think that in the end of the day, as I look at the world today, I don't think we need army anymore in the world.
28:08I really think that the world need to move to the next stage of peace between countries and, you know, that unfortunately all these industries, weapon industries that feeds, um, these wars because they need to really continue those wars.
28:26Um, definitely it can contribute and it makes people mature much faster in a way.
28:37It's like, it's like, it's like accelerating, um, because you experiencing maybe things that you cannot experience.
28:45Maybe, maybe people in the gangs over here, like, you know, in those neighborhoods, maybe they experience that kind of similar things because it's a constant war also as well.
28:54But some of them are traumatized to the point that they make suicides, they don't get support from the country and they need to, to really be dependent on psychiatric, um, medicines for all their lives or they, they go into institutes, mental health institutes.
29:14So when I see, you know, the, the, the, these results from, from war or from being in those situations in, in the army, I really ask myself if, um, if we are not really needs to stop with it forever.
29:33Like with, with, with, with armies, like, why, why, why do we need it?
29:35Of course today, like, this is the reality, but this is what I wish.
29:39If you ask me if this is, will help here, I'm not quite sure.
29:43I think like maybe there is some other solutions that can maybe, uh, I have a, I have a solution for instead of a military school, how about a school, let's call it a school for the gifted, right?
29:54For all intents and purposes, a school where I'll use men since his manhood, where from boys, you're allowed to go and find your skill.
30:04So you go to that institute and have musicians, artists, architects, singers, just have a array of different things and you are able to find what is you.
30:16And then, then you're paired with like a mentor or somebody and hone, hone, hone that skill.
30:20So in that way, you are discovering who you are.
30:23So you're not being, um, suppressed by society or suppressed by appearance or suppressed by anyone.
30:29And you're able to find that freedom so then you could interact with the world and be in the world in your true purpose, in your, in your, in your exact purpose.
30:38And therefore, you wouldn't feel unfulfilled.
30:41Or suppressed by the school system, by the way.
30:42Yes, or suppressed by the school system.
30:44Very good.
30:45So therefore, you're now interacting with the world in the way you will feel fulfilled.
30:51So you're not unhappy.
30:52You don't have the anxiety.
30:54You don't have the mental illness.
30:55You don't have any pent up anger, right?
30:58And so, and if a whole, an entire society does this, then we have no reason to fight because Robert doing his thing.
31:05And, and, and I understand that, right?
31:07And each, each man is doing their, their thing.
31:10And we understand that we operate in on different fields, but we still operate in, in the same society.
31:16Guys, war is inevitable.
31:18They will always have a need for army.
31:21Always.
31:21That is, if it's one thing, and if we go and strip back down to the basics of a man, war is inevitable.
31:29Why do you say that?
31:29I don't agree with you.
31:31And it's a never, I'm talking about, it's inevitable that two people are not going to have the same opinions.
31:35Conflict is inevitable, not war.
31:38Conflict is war.
31:39Nah, conflict is not war.
31:40Conflict could be information, which we have in our, right?
31:42However, conflict, you're talking about conflict between yourself and Nile right now, right?
31:49But if there are 10,000 Niles who are agreeing with one side and 10,000 who are opposed it, there's going to be, that conflict is now for some level of resolve where neither side is going to back down.
32:00There's going to be fight.
32:02There's naturally going to be a fight.
32:04Now, I'll get semantic with you all.
32:06No, a fight is not necessarily war, right?
32:09We're getting semantic because conflict, fight, war, these could be different things.
32:13Nothing wrong with, you have your opinion, I have my opinion.
32:16We come together and either, maybe I try to convince you, you try to convince me, or we agree to disagree because-
32:22But it doesn't happen with 10,000 people who are strong, which is saying, I want to get across to that piece of land, right?
32:29I like how that land is looking a lot better.
32:31You have a nice beach, you know, 10,000 people, you really sometimes live in this utopian world.
32:36I mean, hence the jacket, you know, I don't understand.
32:38I mean, like, it is going to happen.
32:40You're not going to get 10,000 people to agree.
32:42Until we spiritually move to the point that we understand that we have abundance for everybody and we don't really need to go to war.
32:48But, again, this is-
32:50Repeat what he said.
32:51Repeat what he said.
32:52We have abundance for everybody and we don't need, but still we are controlled and manipulated in a way.
32:59By the way, manipulated is people who choose to be manipulated by the governments, by all the things that are running the show behind the scenes.
33:07So, again, very rich conversation.
33:13It's out there.
33:13There's enough money.
33:14There's enough food.
33:15There's enough resources for everybody to live in a particular way.
33:19So if you're saying that, why then war inevitably?
33:21Because there's greed.
33:23There's greed and there's persons who have different outlooks.
33:25The person that manipulate.
33:27We've seen it in cultures.
33:28I mean, you've had, you know, a short Jewish guy in Hitler who was able to command an entire army who believed in an Aryan race.
33:38You understand?
33:38It's about how are they going to manipulate certain people to do certain things and convince them based on, hey, these people are taking something from you, right?
33:47If you ever heard about Mr. 5%, et cetera, if these people are manipulating you, are you going to stand for it?
33:54And people go, no, we're not, because they want something else when there really was enough for everybody.
34:00So inevitably, there's going to be war which is based on greed, misconceptions, all the above.
34:06But with that one, right, so that we don't have further conflict on this one, we certainly need to take a break.
34:17Welcome back to Manhood.
34:25Today, the discussion is, are men different or all that different from each other?
34:32I personally think that we are.
34:34You know, I don't think that there's one fundamental thing that makes all of us the same, but that's why we're here discussing it.
34:40So I know you're ready.
34:42You're ready to jump in and say something.
34:44Like a feeling of the agenda of the city, you know?
34:48All right, so I think men fundamentally want to interact with the world, however they want to interact with the world.
35:00They want to be conquerors.
35:02Let me go.
35:03Okay, I would agree with that.
35:04And a conqueror doesn't necessarily have to be something violent.
35:07I also agree with that.
35:07Right, because they have different fields.
35:09They want to conquer in your field.
35:10So that's why we had, back in the day, all the men going discoveries, all the undiscovered country.
35:16That's why even, that's why you're here, you're going all over the world.
35:20And I would say conquering, conquering your curiosity, conquering your purpose, conquering whatever it is.
35:27I think every man wants to be the best in their field, whatever field that is.
35:32You could choose that field, but you want to be the best in your field.
35:35So therefore, that's why you'd have the competition sometimes, whether it is in relationships, whether it is in a profession, whether it is in a sport, et cetera.
35:43You want to be the best in your field.
35:47And, but a lot of times, men, and that's why I was laughing before, we hide and we mask this, this, this, this, the masculinity, that beast, that man in here.
35:59And using this, it may seem aggressive, but an artist have that in him also.
36:06A musician have that in them also.
36:09A fighter have that in them also.
36:10But it's just that, that thing inside, you just want to release, you just want to unleash that.
36:16And I think if, if we were to say a similarity in every man, I think every man have that, that thing in them.
36:23So it's, it's, it's, it's very simple, similar to a conversation that we've had on a previous episode of Manhood, where we spoke about aggressiveness.
36:33We didn't talk about the big elephant in the room.
36:35I'm sorry.
36:35All right.
36:36Okay.
36:36You, you calling me an elephant?
36:37No, no, no.
36:39The big elephant in the room is the alcohol, guys.
36:42Here in your culture.
36:43It's like something that you basically, Trinidadian, you know, the Caribbean in general, cannot function without alcohol.
36:49Wow.
36:50That creates aggressiveness.
36:51That creates a lot of ego.
36:53That creates, that's a very low frequency drug.
36:56Because they're afraid to unleash that, that, that thing I'm talking about.
37:01Because if you're, if you're from a society that suppresses it, if you're from a religion that suppresses it, if you're from a family that suppresses it, alcohol, alcohol.
37:10Well, and I could tell you because I facilitated a few AA groups here in Trinidad, right?
37:15Most of the men, I just want to be myself, but I can't be myself.
37:19So I escape in the, in the bottle.
37:22Now, of course, alcoholists.
37:24But women?
37:24Yes.
37:25Women here?
37:25Yes, yes, yes.
37:26Men.
37:26I did a woman that could not even, like, communicate with me in a normal way without having, like, three glasses.
37:36But let's, let's, let's also qualify it in the sense that, I take your point, Johanse, but it's a very, Trinidad is a very, Trinidad is a very, Trinidad is a very, Trinidad is a very social, we have a very social culture.
37:47So one of the immediate things when you go to these environments is not where you're eating, it's where you're drinking, right?
37:53That's a very social way that we, we operate and to bring people together.
37:57It's where a lot of business happens, a lot of friendships are made.
38:00I see it even more so now, when I was growing up, there was a lot of dancing.
38:05And now the dancing is, I'll get into that.
38:08Okay.
38:08The, the, the dancing is a bit different.
38:11You know, it's more of a wine and culture and so on.
38:13Nobody really does any sort of, you know, salsa and slow dancing and thing again.
38:17Um, and it's, it's really about that, that, that having a drink, but, you know, we, we all know it's, it's no rocket science.
38:26And when you're inebriated, right, you, you're braver, you're braver, you know, things, things happen.
38:33Sometimes people say the real you comes out.
38:35Sometimes it might be exactly what you mentioned, Johanse, about that, that aggression or that, that person that needs to come out feels braver at that point because your cortex, your cerebral cortex and what it is now.
38:46So, um, but, but in, now, when, now that it's brought up, I realize that that's actually a weakness.
38:53Of course.
38:54Which is what your auntie's mentioning.
38:56No, but, but on the other side of that, they have a lot of other drugs.
39:00You understand what I'm saying?
39:01In general, drug, drug use is weakness, you know, right?
39:05Anytime, anytime we have to depend on something to, to do something as be dependent.
39:13I can't function without coffee.
39:15Right.
39:15That's a weakness.
39:16Okay.
39:16But it's also like a crutch.
39:18Okay.
39:18Because a crutch is a weakness.
39:20I quit alcohol and I quit marijuana, man.
39:23So, there you go.
39:24Because when you go into a party or you see people going into a function or into an event, walking the streets, anything, what do they want as a clutch?
39:32It's a phone.
39:33They're looking on the phone.
39:34And I see people, as soon as the phone comes on, they're looking at anything because it's a crutch.
39:39Escape.
39:39It's an escape into that because we, we, we are becoming socially awkward almost.
39:44So, where are we escaping from?
39:45And the alcohol.
39:46Ourselves.
39:47Brings, come on, next phone.
39:49All right.
39:50That's manhood.
39:51You know, I think this guy just wrapped it all up there.
39:53So, when I told you about the Mexico five minutes talk, it's like sober, man.
40:00Sober is like in the lunchtime, I sit with her in a restaurant, no drinks on the table, man.
40:06I just speak to her sober, man.
40:08No marijuana, no alcohol, no nothing, man.
40:12I cannot imagine Trinidadian men talking with a woman here about what he desires or if he wants her even for a serious relationship, sober, man.
40:25So, again, I take it from the fact that you have, that's what you've experienced.
40:32However, we always say on the show that we are not speaking on behalf of all men because I know, I know, I know gentlemen who don't drink.
40:40I hardly drink, right?
40:42You know, one of our most famous Trinbegonians in Dwayne Bravo doesn't drink.
40:47You know, there are a lot of persons who, you know, will be looking on at this and going, but I don't drink alcohol or I won't sleep with a woman intoxicated or if she's intoxicated.
40:57So, but I do take your point that in a general sense, you know, a lot of our events and all that is based on drinking and then the next day, boy, how drunk I get or how mashup I was.
41:10And it's based around that nature of behavior.
41:14But being sober don't mean that you wasn't drinking.
41:16You could be, you know, so you brought up, you mentioned men who wasn't drinking, but they could have been inebriated by other things, right?
41:24So what I am now, what I now understand and I'm reflecting inwardly, right?
41:29Which I, why I love this conversation so much that when I've never track a girl or that's flirting or interacting with a woman, I never track a girl, not high on something.
41:42I can tell you about myself that I, before I had a girlfriend like five years and one and a half year ago, we broke up.
41:52And before that, I would barely approach women that for me, it was too, too anxious.
41:58I was too anxious to do that because I was like, Oh, what I'm going to say?
42:02What today?
42:03It's like for me like that.
42:04I just go in the gym.
42:05I just approach a woman that I like.
42:06I just start to talk with her.
42:08It's, I don't hit on her.
42:10I just, Hey, um, I think like this is the first time that I see someone on this, uh, on this machine.
42:16And just start a conversation.
42:18And then like, in the end, if I feel like we have a vibe, I take her phone number.
42:22I go in the supermarket.
42:24If I see someone that I like, I just approach her.
42:26But for me today to approach a woman, it's like that.
42:29It's like, I don't even think about it before.
42:31You just tell me what women that you want me to approach.
42:33I will just immediately go and just have a normal conversation with her.
42:37So I'm, I'm, I'm now asking myself, is it, is it a lost art?
42:42Is it a lost art?
42:43Because I brought up just now about, well, the way we track, because, you know, there's so much around the fact that, you know, the way we may have done things in the past, some of these things are now deemed sexual harassment, even though it's, you might be flirtatious or you might be asking a woman out on a date or even making a pass on her.
43:03So, you know, and those things are now considered, you know, in, in many environments that you, you, you can't do things like that.
43:10You can get in a lot of trouble for it.
43:11But as I said, you know, I would remember days of people listening on would probably not even know about clubs like, you know, Genesis or Flappers or Upper Level, Shemois, these areas, or even Zen, 51, Coconuts, Laser, Crocodile, all these different clubs.
43:30And part of that would, you'd wait for certain songs to play and then you would dance with a woman.
43:35Nice.
43:35You would learn to dance.
43:37Now, you don't have that interaction.
43:39It's somebody coming and trying and make their way into a jam for a hard wine.
43:44And then, but you're doing it as you pointed out, under alcohol.
43:47Yeah.
43:47So you've just found another way of hiding that.
43:50Of escaping.
43:51Of escapism.
43:52And I'm asking, so therefore, Shai, is there, is there in globally, in your estimation, a one size fits all?
44:02Not, not necessarily for tracking, but that a man can make a woman feel comfortable where you can still express your, your thoughts or your desires or your attraction to her that they can feel comfortable.
44:19And not feel like a sleazy, what's going on with this creep?
44:22I can tell you, okay, so I-
44:24Is it respect?
44:25I think like I can split it to two, okay?
44:28Because you can definitely, can make all women feel safe if you are, adapt really fast in, in your way of how you associate, you are, you're like socialized with people.
44:41If you have this skill, and, and by the way, it's not like you were born with that skill.
44:46You can develop that skill with the years, just being, feeling comfortable around women.
44:51As more as you speak with women and you do it more and more and more, it's like become your second nature.
44:55Right.
44:56This is one thing.
44:58The second thing that I think is, I feel like in different countries, women are very affected by the culture.
45:09And you will feel that, for example, if you go to Africa to certain places, the only thing that they're looking for, it's money, for example.
45:17Only money.
45:18Like, you basically can be like 70 years old, but you have money, so, and she's 20 years old, you will see that combinations.
45:27Like in, for example, I saw it very clearly in Kenya, in Mombasa, for example.
45:31Now, is that a very general statement?
45:33Or is that, is that something based on in your travels that speaking with, you know, maybe a lot of the locals, that that is a, that is an understood thing.
45:41Like drinking is a part of our culture in Trinidad and Tobago, right?
45:45But is, is that, is that, would that to people listening on think, well, that's very general.
45:50I am, I am, I am from Kenya or someone else is, you know, from, from one of those, those countries going, that, that's not accurate.
45:57How, how, how would you.
45:58So just a second, you want to understand if like alcohol is something that.
46:01No, no, like in terms of your statement just now about people in Kenya and these countries, the women really are looking for money.
46:07Yeah.
46:07Is that, is that something you can see is pretty much.
46:10Even me going on the street in, in, in, in Kenya, for example, there is a name for, for me as a white person called Muzungu.
46:18It's in Swahili, like a white man.
46:20I'm considered to be with a lot of money.
46:21It doesn't really matter where I'm from or what is my bank account situation right now.
46:28Balance.
46:28It's like I'm Muzungu and I have a lot of money so I can pay also more.
46:33And this is how I perceived in that society.
46:36So it depends like, and, and it's like also was in Tanzania when I was there and it was less in Rwanda, for example, because Rwanda, it's pretty progressed, progressive compared to the others.
46:48For example, or Uganda, that is also like the Kenya, Tanzania.
46:51So in my perception, as I see it, for me, it was very difficult to find a woman that I would like, or I can have a long-term relationship in those countries.
47:07For example, Tanzania, Kenya, Uganda, because we don't speak the same language.
47:12I can make her feel safe, but I would not want to have something.
47:17It will be very difficult because she didn't do the shadow work, the inner work, because it's not there yet.
47:25It's not there over here as well yet.
47:27And, but if you go, like I said, to Mexico, to those places in Israel, in a lot of places, people are doing this inner work.
47:35And then I can find someone that I can have with her that's really good interaction and really good, you know, like it will be a very good pinpoint.
47:44Connection.
47:45So for those who haven't done the work yet, right, and for those who are doing the work, there still must be that point that both, both, both areas meet, you know, whatever shift you take, whatever, you know, part of the spectrum you're on, whatever paradigm shift has taken place.
48:02They must come to that point, there is a meeting point at some place.
48:06We're not, we're not running men, the ones who are doing the work and the ones who haven't done the work as yet are not running parallel, right?
48:13There must be that area, that source, that starting point.
48:16So, you know, we're coming to a close on this, on this particular manhood.
48:20Can we, can we really do a deep dive in our closing thoughts and our address that what, what, if anything, our, our beliefs on, are we really that different at the core and what do men want?
48:35I want a partner, really a partner that can, can do the, can go on a journey with me.
48:42And I said it also before, respect, it's a must to be loved.
48:47I think like it's, it's about, first of all, loving yourself.
48:51And then you can also feel the love from, from the inside, but love, it's not about the butterflies.
48:56As I said, love is about the shadow working.
49:00Love is about the darkness.
49:01And through that, you get the light.
49:03Happiness should not be the purpose, but a by-product of the hard work.
49:09So this is, I think, like in the end of the day.
49:11So as we, as we come to a close, it's almost as if we're saying, are men that different?
49:18And we're looking at, are men really that different in parts of the world?
49:22But the question I'm now going to ask is, are men really that different in what we want than what women want?
49:30Because women also want to be loved.
49:34They want to be enough.
49:35It seems that in our conversation, women want the same things as men and men seemingly want the same things.
49:40It's just a matter of, are we, are we communicating effectively?
49:45I would just summarize it.
49:46What I wanted 10 years ago, it's not what I want now.
49:49So this is like, and definitely I didn't want those things that I'm telling you right now.
49:53I wanted like more simple, you know, like more like I want to be attracted to her.
49:57I want to have like a simple conversation, feel comfortable around her and that's it.
50:01But outside of that, Shai, outside of a relationship in general, what do you think men want?
50:08Like if you had to summarize it, what do men want?
50:12And do you believe that we're different wherever you come from?
50:16Based on culture, based on religion, based on geographical location.
50:21And you could tell it to this camera here.
50:23In the end of the day, yeah.
50:25I think like we are different in our journey, where we are in our, sorry.
50:31It's like all the time I hate it.
50:33In our journey.
50:34And in the end, we want to feel like we have a good friend that we can tell him everything that we want.
50:43And he will come and tell us everything that we want.
50:46I want a really good communication because the communication is the base, basic, the base to everything.
50:52And if you don't have that, in the highest, highest level that you can have it, it should be like very transparent.
51:02And what you like and what you don't like and everything should be there.
51:06You cannot have a proper relationship or this is what I'm looking.
51:12I think like, yeah, in the end of the day, communication.
51:14So if you ask me like to put it like black and white, I don't think that I can put it just black and white.
51:21I think like, as I said before, it depends where you are in the journey, in your journey.
51:27So I'm going to, I'm going to put it in black and white.
51:31And again, this is a perception.
51:35Are men that different fundamentally and at the core?
51:40No.
51:41Are we influenced?
51:42Do we have societal influences that make us behave differently based on our experiences?
51:46Of course, naturally.
51:47Because we only know what we've experienced.
51:50And we could only act based on those particular experiences.
51:55What do men, what do men want?
51:58Men want respect.
52:00And men, in general, men, and I use that men as in both male and female, want to be seen.
52:08And being seen is all part of that respect to know that you are enough and that you have fulfilled that purpose.
52:17And even as my friend Johansson may have disagreed with about war and et cetera, the conflict, their followers and their leaders, and even the follower has that purpose.
52:28He's following because he believes in the purpose that the leader may have communicated and that he wants to achieve something.
52:36He wants to also go back home to his family.
52:38And whether it's land, whatever they're fighting for, it's about fulfilling that purpose and to know that you're enough and that you've lived as a man.
52:47And to be a man requires respect.
52:51Okay, let me jump in here.
52:55I believe that men dictate societies.
53:02Societies dictate the culture.
53:06The culture dictates the core beliefs and moral values.
53:10And that's very, very widely different.
53:12So, yes, fundamentally, in listening to the conversation that we all had, you did not mention sex, which was like the overarching.
53:19I knew you would.
53:20Huh?
53:21You knew I would do it, right?
53:23So, sex would be the denomination amongst all societies because procreation is what is needed.
53:31But fundamentally, I think that everyone thinks differently.
53:36And we were talking journey break where I personally think that women should be the rulers of this world.
53:42Right?
53:43A lot of issues would be alleviated if that's the case.
53:46We could have a whole show on that.
53:48Just that, right?
53:49We should make that a topic.
53:50So, that's my main thing.
53:52Right?
53:52And I'll leave it with that.
53:54I think at the core, all of us men are fundamentally the same.
53:59And that one thing, and what we want is to have the courage to be our true, authentic self.
54:08Okay.
54:08And at least have one person that accepts us unconditionally.
54:13As our mother.
54:16This is manhood.
54:17But as Shai pointed out, he wants a partner.
54:21Right.
54:21Who can be that person.
54:23Not a parent, but a partner that accepts you unconditionally.
54:27And that, we're coming down to respect.
54:30We're coming down to respect for that.
54:32But I do agree with you that topic you brought up there, because men are becoming, more and more men are becoming activists and feminists for lobbying for women.
54:41Because I take your point.
54:43Men are probably going to rip our heads off for this.
54:46But, you know.
54:46Yeah.
54:47That's a whole other topic.
54:48Wait till the topic.
54:49Yeah.
54:49I will probably rip it off.
54:51Wait till the topic.
54:51Where are you thinking you're going?
54:52Anyway, that's our next topic.
54:54So, this is manhood.
54:56Johanse.
54:57Shai Noimach.
54:59You know, safe travels, buddy.
55:00Thank you very much.
55:01Niall, always a pleasure.
55:02This has been manhood.
55:03Are men really that different?
55:05What do men want?
55:06I hope some of those questions were indeed answered.
55:15Manhood.
55:15Brought to you in part by Reboot Sports Drink.
55:18Manhood.
55:19Brought to you in part by Solomon's Bespoke.