Dave & Chuck the Freak ask listeners to share stories about times they bargained with a hooker to get a better deal.
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00:00This woman, this hooker in Ohio, said she'd have sex for 50 bucks and some nachos.
00:13Have you made a hooker trade?
00:15Good God.
00:15You think when the cops busted in, they were like, hey, nacho fast, whore.
00:22In our dreams, James, in our dreams.
00:24Oh, wow.
00:25We do have an anonymous guy with us.
00:27Hi, anonymous, how are you?
00:29I'm good, thanks.
00:30How are you?
00:30Good.
00:30So did you make a hooker trade?
00:32In Pontiac, offered an undercover $9.50 for a BJ.
00:40Nine bucks and half a joint for a BJ, but it turned out to be an undercover cop.
00:46Yes, sir.
00:47Wow.
00:47How do you feel as the undercover cop whose worth is nine bucks and half a joint?
00:55That's how much someone thinks you're worth.
00:56I don't know, dude.
00:57Well, undercover, when they're undercover prostitutes, aren't really the best looking prostitutes.
01:02Yeah, exactly.
01:03Like, I'm actually an undercover female prostitute.
01:07Exactly.
01:08For the Pontiac.
01:08They slap a wig on Chuck.
01:09Yeah.
01:10For the Pontiac police department.
01:11Oh, Pontiac.
01:11Oh, yeah.
01:12I miss Pontiac.
01:14Yeah.
01:14You miss Pontiac out of that deal?
01:15Yeah, I did.
01:16Me and Chuck walked the beat together.
01:18Yeah, exactly.
01:19Look at those two ladies of the night.
01:21Yeah, exactly.
01:22Hey, big boy, you got some nachos?
01:23You just keep your normal voice.
01:28I don't.
01:29You actually got to put it even deeper.
01:31We got to be like, no, I don't, but I know a good place.
01:33Half a doobie, I'll do it.
01:35Yeah.
01:35Two things you never imagined.
01:37It's a tough night in Pontiac with Chuck and Andy, the undercover lady horse.
01:47I'll dip you in nacho cheese and do it.
01:50I'll do just unspeakable acts.
01:53Voice changing technology.
01:55Going to Anonymous.
01:56We're wondering if you've made some sort of hooker trade and did it work out?
02:00Hi, Anonymous.
02:00Anonymous, and we made quite the deal.
02:04Three of us at a bachelor party for my buddy decided that, hey, we're in Canada, might as
02:10well give it a try.
02:11Mm-hmm.
02:11So we found an advertisement for a 20-year-old, $140 an hour.
02:17So we ordered three of them.
02:19So three of them showed up.
02:21Yeah.
02:22They ended up bumping us up to $300 each.
02:25The 20-year-old turned out to be, well, mine was probably 50.
02:32My buddy was 40 years old, and her had her ass burned from tanning wrong.
02:40Don't mind my ass cars.
02:42Beauty's hard to come by.
02:47The best deal my other buddy got, she was probably 40 as well, and she was cross-eyed.
02:54And she didn't know if she was coming or going.
02:57Okay, wait, wait, wait, I have a game.
02:59Which one are you taking?
03:01Okay.
03:02The burned ass.
03:04Hooker with cross-eyed.
03:05I don't know enough info.
03:07I don't know enough info.
03:09Okay, there's a 50-year-old.
03:10The first one was the oldest.
03:12She was in her 50s.
03:13Not that good looking.
03:14Right.
03:14The second one was a little younger, but had burnt ass.
03:17Okay.
03:18And then the third one was cross-eyed.
03:20Burnt ass.
03:20Burnt ass.
03:20In the 40s.
03:21You're going burnt ass.
03:22Burnt ass.
03:22I'm just going, I'm going cross-eyes for the hilarity of it.
03:26I mean, I'm a beager with cross-eyes.
03:30I mean, maybe I could hit that bad eye and straighten it out.
03:36With my same moon.
03:40I have a magic elixir.
03:44And a magic elixir.
03:46They got ripped off.
03:47And $300.
03:49Yeah, they got bounced off.
03:50The price went up.
03:51They weren't 20.
03:52Cross-eyed Katie's 20, we swear.
03:55The burned ass.
03:57Can you imagine the disaster that she was?
04:00Oh, yeah.
04:00Imagine those three walking into your room at the same time.
04:04She's the ringleader.
04:06I'm here for the party.
04:09That's the one with the burned ass.
04:10Hell, yeah.
04:11She sounds like it.
04:12She could be 50.
04:12She's the 50-year-old.
04:14Yeah, I'm 20.
04:14Trust me, I'm 20 as well.
04:16Oh, God.
04:17Funny, ma'am, you don't look 20?
04:20Give or take.
04:21Just a question for you.
04:23What's up with your friend's ass?
04:25Burnt it to a crisp.
04:27How'd you do that?
04:28She was high on meth and fell asleep in a tent.
04:31Yikes, that looks painful.
04:34Yeah, I couldn't sit for a week.
04:35That happened seven weeks ago.
04:38Are you sure you guys are Dick Tracy villains?
04:41You know, it's a storybook.
04:45This is real life, pal.
04:46Your friend, she seems distracted.
04:48She's not even looking at us.
04:49Oh, she is.
04:50What other life?
04:52She's got her eye on you and the door just in case the cops come in.
04:58Crimeside.
04:59Yeah.
05:00Oh, my goodness.
05:02What a gaggle of whores that entered your room.
05:05So did he do it, though?
05:07Did they?
05:07The guy called back.
05:08The guy texted back.
05:09Yes, we were drunk and did it.
05:11I got grandma on the bed.
05:14Grandma.
05:15Cross eyes was on the couch with my first buddy.
05:18Burnt ass was on the floor with my other buddy.
05:21Although she said, ow, every time he popped against her ass.
05:24And that distracted the rest of us from the ongoing disaster.
05:27Oh, my God.
05:28Ow!
05:28Ow!
05:30Ow!
05:30Ow!
05:31My burnt ass!
05:32Man, that's something to go through with your buddies, huh?
05:34It really is.
05:36It's like, you basically all three banged members of the X-Men.
05:39Yeah.
05:40The worst members of the X-Men.
05:42Yeah.