Frasier Season 4 Episode 22 Are You Being Ser Ved
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00:00Well, that's our show for today, but before we close, I'd like to invite you all to join us here at KACL in wishing a fond farewell to our happy chef, Leo Pascali, as he bubble wraps his crepe pan and heads south towards sunny Santa Fe.
00:19Okay, Leo, you stirred us with your passion, melted us with your charm, added spice to our lives. Now, as you whisk yourself away, let's not say goodbye, but rather ta-ta for now.
00:43This is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL 780.
00:47Well, at least you stopped short of saying I'll be fricca-seeing you.
00:55You ready to go to Leo's party?
00:56Oh, dear God, there is nothing I detest more than a KACL goodbye party. They're all the same.
01:04Twist-top wine with a bunch of people standing around awkwardly, trying to summon up some affection for someone they hardly even know. It always ends up reeking of insincerity.
01:14What are we going to do, Doc? He's leaving us.
01:20Bulldog and Leo were tight.
01:22Well, Bulldog certainly is.
01:23I love that guy, man. Give me all his leftovers.
01:30I warn, Leo, you keep feeding him. He'll keep coming back.
01:34You going to the party?
01:36Well, actually, I think I'm going to pass.
01:38Oh, come on, Doc. You got to at least have a drink. Give him a hug.
01:41That is precisely what I'm trying to avoid. Since when did we become a society of huggers?
01:45Huggers. We hug for everything nowadays. Hello, hug. Congratulations, hug. Nice haircut, hug.
01:55It's absurd. I mean, if we want to express some real emotion for someone, I mean, where is there left to go?
02:01I've had good luck with the storage closet.
02:03You know what? I think you're way too uptight about that.
02:08No, no, no. I see the Doc's point. We all have different ways of saying goodbye.
02:13Me, I prefer this method.
02:15Get out!
02:16Oh, come on.
02:17Come on.
02:17I got a shot of it.
02:18Well, I think hugging is very healthy. I read somewhere that if you have physical contact on a regular basis, it can actually extend your life.
02:31Well, in that case, you should outlive styrofoam.
02:41Frasier, you made it!
02:42Oh, Leo, you know, I would miss saying goodbye to you for the world.
02:46Oh, Leo, you're going to miss me for the world.
02:50Well, you sure are.
02:52Oh, what the heck.
02:57You have no idea how hard this is for me.
03:12Must say, Niles, that is a striking tie you're wearing.
03:19It was a gift from Maris.
03:20Oh.
03:20She had it made for me to commemorate the end of that dreadful winter she had her obesity scare.
03:25Oh, yes.
03:28I remember her struggle to lose that holiday pound.
03:32After she'd restored her figure, she had Yoshi set fire to a hippopotamus topiary she felt had taunted her.
03:46Then as a visual reminder never to let herself go again, she had this tie made for me out of the legs of her fat pants.
03:53You know, I would think wearing a tie that Maris gave you might make you feel a little bit melancholy.
04:03On the contrary, I have every reason to believe Maris and I may be on the road to reconciliation.
04:08Really?
04:09We met for lunch today.
04:10I told her I couldn't stand being in separation limbo anymore, and unless she wanted the marriage to end, we simply had to get into counseling.
04:18And she agreed?
04:20Her exact words were, I'll think about it.
04:22But I saw a twinkle in her eye I have not seen since the neighbor children discovered our new electric fence.
04:29Congratulations, sir.
04:36The foam is a tad listless to me.
04:39Yeah, I can tell without looking they've got Chad back on steamer duty.
04:44You are good.
04:46Oh.
04:47Excuse me, uh, Dr. Niles Crane?
04:50I am.
04:50Oh, here.
04:52Oh.
04:54He's sending me this.
04:57Notice.
04:58Petition.
04:59For a divorce.
05:01Sorry, man.
05:02Cool tie.
05:06I don't know what to say.
05:08Oh.
05:10It's all right.
05:12Would have been nice if we'd given therapy a try, but, uh, so be it.
05:17I know this is a little consolation, but you ought to be applauded for the way you're handling this.
05:21A lesser man would panic.
05:23Oh, wait, wait, wait.
05:24I'll get her back.
05:25No, hold her up.
05:25Hold her up.
05:27Too much dignity to let yourself beg.
05:29Please give me my phone back.
05:31No, please.
05:31Stop it, please.
05:32Stop it, please.
05:33Stop it, stop it.
05:35Now listen, I know you're upset now, but let's remember why you left Maris in the first place.
05:39You were tired of groveling.
05:41Yes, but I'm rested now.
05:43Yes, but I'm rested now.
05:47Fine.
05:50Go ahead and toddle on back to Maris.
05:52Let her grind you under her boot heel for another 12 years.
05:55Rob you of whatever self-respect you've still retained.
05:58Then we can have this conversation all over again.
05:59I was unhappy, wasn't I?
06:05You were miserable.
06:09Sorry.
06:10It's just a lot to take in.
06:1412 years of my life gone.
06:19Don't think of it as a loss, but rather an opportunity for growth.
06:23No, it's not an ending.
06:24It's a pleasure.
06:26No offense, but I'm familiar with all the platitudes.
06:29I've just been served divorce papers.
06:31I need a little time to let it sink in.
06:33If you don't mind, maybe we could not talk about it for a while.
06:36Of course.
06:38Hi.
06:38Can I get you guys anything?
06:40No, thank you.
06:40You've already been served.
06:42Oh.
06:47Sorry.
07:01Oh, you're back.
07:03Yeah, I never should have left.
07:04The park was a disaster.
07:07You remember that outfit Mrs. Foster knitted Eddie for Christmas?
07:11Well, I bumped into her in the lobby, and she said that she was going to be going to the park.
07:15And I thought, well, it'd be rude if I didn't at least have him wear it one time, you know?
07:21Eddie, get in here.
07:33Look at that poor guy.
07:35He's humiliated.
07:39And then, of course, she didn't even show up there, but you know who was there?
07:43Duke.
07:43And two guys from the old precinct.
07:46Oh, Marty, glad to see you've got something to do now that you're retired.
07:49Hey, Marty, if I buy you some wool, would you knit something for me?
07:52Well, it could have been worse.
07:56He could have been wearing the hat she made for you.
08:00Oh, dear.
08:01Would you take that off for me?
08:05He just looks so pathetic.
08:08Oh, come here, you poor little fella.
08:11What's in the box?
08:12Oh, nothing.
08:13Just some old stuff I was taking down to the store.
08:15Oh, great.
08:17Why don't you take this with it?
08:18Yeah, just set that on top.
08:20Oh, no, it'll fall off if I do.
08:23Hey, this is my stuff.
08:26It's a box of junk.
08:28That's not junk.
08:29No, rubbish.
08:30It's a bunch of useless gadgets you haven't used in years.
08:34Like this remote control to God knows what.
08:38Useless.
08:39Just like this, whatever it is.
08:42That's a Steam Master 2000, like on TV.
08:45Live life wrinkle free.
08:47What even comes with an attachment that cooks Chinese vegetables?
08:54That would be Niles.
08:56I'm taking him to lunch to get his mind off his troubles.
08:58Is that something we shouldn't talk about?
09:00Oh, there's no reason why we shouldn't talk about it.
09:02Dad, I'm sorry.
09:03I don't think he's ready to talk about it, so we're not talking about it.
09:06Would you mind not talking about it a little less loudly?
09:13Dive.
09:14Afternoon.
09:15Hello, Dr. Craig.
09:17I appreciate your concern, but I'm really doing quite well with all of this.
09:22Everything's going to be fine.
09:24Oh, well, that's good.
09:25I just hope you got a good divorce lawyer, because you were married a long time.
09:28You've got to make sure you get your fair share.
09:31Well, according to the terms of our prenuptial agreement, I believe I'm wearing my fair share.
09:35Oh.
09:37Well, take a tip from your own man.
09:39You get over there and take possession of your personal belongings before they box them up and toss them out.
09:46When will you just admit that this junk belongs in a dustbin?
09:49You know, I was on a case once where the wife constantly nagged the husband like this.
09:54You never put anything in the garbage.
09:56Why don't you ever put anything in the garbage?
09:58Well, he should have listened to.
09:59Oh, he did.
10:00And that's where we found her.
10:06You know, I think Daphne's fighting an uphill battle with this little project of hers.
10:10What's that?
10:15It's a journal.
10:16Oh.
10:17Look at this.
10:19Oh.
10:21Isn't that mother's handwriting?
10:23These must be notes from one of her research projects.
10:26It's hard to imagine two male siblings who could be more different than Frasier and Niles.
10:36Good heavens.
10:37It's about us.
10:38Though both are highly intelligent, Frasier is clearly the more dominant of the two, while Niles remains extremely passive.
10:45Fascinating.
10:50Frasier never seems to get enough at mealtime.
10:52He's nearly twice the size of Niles, and often, when he thinks I'm not looking, steals his brother's food.
11:03What Niles lacks in a certainness, he makes up for in an abnormally fussy grooming regimen.
11:14Frasier is exhibiting clearly antisocial tendencies.
11:17In fact, he is extremely uncomfortable with touch, seeming to recoil from all human contact.
11:24Where does it say that?
11:25All right, I added extremely, but it's right there.
11:30Good Lord.
11:33This guy's rather close to the bone.
11:35Just yesterday, Roz was accusing me of the same thing.
11:38I always thought it was just an aversion to social hugging, but apparently it goes deeper than that.
11:47You know, maybe this is something I should work on.
11:50What do you think?
11:56Niles.
11:56You know, Niles, I don't think I've ever been more proud of you.
12:24Oh, Frasier, this is awful.
12:35Well, pardon me for trying.
12:37I am new at it.
12:39No, no, no, you don't understand.
12:42I did go groveling back.
12:43What?
12:44I sent the divorce papers back unsigned, along with a letter begging her to take me back.
12:50Niles, you didn't.
12:51Of course I did.
12:52You read the journal.
12:52It's who I am.
12:56Well, how did she respond?
12:57Well, she hasn't yet.
12:58I just messaged it to her this morning.
13:01It's her spa day.
13:01She won't be home until...
13:02I still have time to get that letter back.
13:10I'm going with you.
13:12You're a good brother.
13:13This may be my last chance to prove once and for all that I'm not the sort of man who...
13:19Whatever Mother said...
13:20Constantly allows himself to be cowed and dominated, especially by females.
13:23I might have known you'd memorize it.
13:25I'm sorry.
13:29You're right.
13:30That was harsh.
13:31Come here.
13:32Oh, get away.
13:32Niles, I'm still a little uneasy about this.
13:44What if one of the servants sees us?
13:46Impossible.
13:47They always use Mara's spa day to play hooky.
13:50I just hope she hasn't changed the locks.
13:52What do you know?
14:02This is sort of exciting.
14:04Even as a child, I always fancied I might make a first-rate society cat burglar.
14:09I think I'm right.
14:10Yes.
14:11All it takes is stealth, cunning, and a key to the door.
14:19The letter should be over here with the rest of Mara's unopened maid.
14:22There it is.
14:25Let's go.
14:30Frasier, look, it's my puppy.
14:33Oh, I missed you.
14:35Hello, Gestalt.
14:36Hello, Gerhardt.
14:40Frasier, this looks just a bit agitated to you.
14:42Well, that's because they're excited to see that the Lord has returned to the manor.
14:47Hello, boys.
14:51Oh, my God.
14:52She hasn't changed the locks.
14:53She changed the doors.
14:55Quick, maybe we can make her to the front door.
14:57Right.
14:57Right.
14:57They're toying with us.
15:03What are we going to do?
15:18Well, I guess we're just going to have to wait until Lady Baskerville comes back from the spa.
15:25And explain our presence how.
15:28Oh, I do see your point.
15:31We have to find some way to distract those beasts and make our escape.
15:33Wait.
15:38Wait.
15:39Tuesday is Swedish meatball night for the staff.
15:42Cook always keeps them in the refrigerator.
15:44No, Niles.
15:45We can't feed them raw meat.
15:46It'll only stimulate their blood loss.
15:48Just listen.
15:49One of our old dogs used to be spooked by thunderstorms.
15:51The vet told us half of one of Maris's green pills would allow him to sleep safely right through the storm.
15:57You get the meat.
15:58I'll get the pill.
15:59Right.
16:00Wait.
16:01One of Maris is out of pills.
16:02Oh, I see.
16:08Thank you, Frazier.
16:09I needed that.
16:16Niles, that's three meatballs in a row right in the koi pond.
16:23Stop trying to throw.
16:27Just drop them.
16:28You can drop straight, can't you?
16:32Is that a splat or a splash?
16:35Oh, a splat.
16:38Do it again.
16:41Excellent.
16:42They're eating it.
16:42All right.
16:43That's enough.
16:44Good, boys.
16:45Yes, that's right.
16:46Eat hard, eh?
16:48Oh, oh, you missed one.
16:50Right over there in the garden by the tulips.
16:52Oh, oh, there's a few more there in the koi pond next to the sleeping koi.
17:02Niles!
17:12Niles, this painting here in the living room, you've always had this?
17:15Uh, the one of Maris and me in the garden?
17:17Yes.
17:18We had it commissioned on our third anniversary.
17:20No, no, it must be a different painting.
17:21This is Maris next to a really big tree.
17:23There's no tree in that painting.
17:25It's a...
17:27Oh, my God.
17:31She's had me completely painted out.
17:36I don't think I can take much more of this.
17:39In that case, I wouldn't look too closely at the face of that skunk in the flower bed.
17:44I suppose it's only fitting that I be commemorated in this household as a laughingstock.
18:02She's always run roughshod over me.
18:05Look around.
18:06This entire room is a monument to my spinelessness.
18:10How so?
18:11Well, this Dresden shepherdess, a peace offering I made to Maris when I was foolish enough to point out an extra syllable in a haiku she'd written.
18:23Here's another item.
18:24Anything.
18:24Oh.
18:26Oh, that candelabra.
18:27Louis Catorce.
18:29What better way to apologize for the time I attempted to grow a mustache?
18:34I think you owe us all a candelabra for that.
18:38Niles, look.
18:40It seems to be working.
18:41The dogs are getting drowsy.
18:43You know, if just once Maris had given in in all those years, I might think there was hope for our marriage.
18:51But she never budged an inch.
18:54Even on those rare occasions when I reported back to you that I had prevailed.
18:59I knew.
19:00I don't know why I thought I could convince her with that couple's therapy idea.
19:10Well, I'm not going to be her whipping boy anymore.
19:15What are you doing?
19:18I'm signing the divorce papers.
19:20She wants to initiate proceedings.
19:23Let's proceed.
19:24Niles, you know I'll support any decision you make, but are you sure?
19:29Absolutely.
19:30Absolutely.
19:31That's done.
19:31Are you okay?
19:31I will be.
19:33It's like the dogs are asleep.
19:55Here we go.
19:56Oh, I know.
19:57No.
19:58You know, maybe they're just playing possum with us.
20:00Oh, frankly, I don't care.
20:04After what I've just done, you think I'm going to let a couple of dogs frighten me?
20:07This is the last time I'm leaving this house.
20:09I'm going to walk through that door with my head held high.
20:13Good for you.
20:15I'm going to run like hell out the front door.
20:16Wait up.
20:22Now, the beauty of the hot and foamy is the ultra-quick heating action.
20:27You just plug it in, and two minutes later, presto, guess what comes out?
20:32Well, the obvious answer would be shaving cream, so I'll go with music.
20:38You had a lot of sassy things to say about my cold steamer, too.
20:43But didn't those snow peas taste delicious?
20:49Oh, hey.
20:51Why did you two slip off?
20:52Oh, I just had some papers to sign.
20:55Thanks.
20:56Yes.
20:56Um, Niles has decided to begin divorce proceedings.
21:02I'm sorry, Dr. Green.
21:03It's okay.
21:04I feel good about it.
21:06Now, we thought that it might be nice to have a family dinner this evening at Shea Shea,
21:12so we stopped by to invite the two of you to join us.
21:14Oh, that would be nice.
21:16I'll just go and freshen up.
21:18Yeah, sounds great.
21:19And Niles, I'm proud of you.
21:21I know this isn't easy, but in the long run, I know you'll be happier.
21:26I'm damn sure I will be.
21:28Well, I can't believe it.
21:32It's really over.
21:34And if you choose, you'd never have to see Maris again.
21:37Oh, please.
21:39Half the time I couldn't see her when she was standing right in front of me.
21:41I can't breathe.
21:56No, really.
21:57I can't breathe.
21:59Frasier, I signed divorce papers.
22:01What was I thinking?
22:02Oh, God, you're not having second thoughts.
22:03I don't know.
22:05When I was caught up in the adrenaline, it all seemed fine, but now in the clear light of day...
22:09No, no, Niles, it's only natural to feel a little bit shaky, but believe me, you made the right decision.
22:14How do I know that?
22:15Let's just check what prompted us to it.
22:18Here.
22:19Niles is incapable of asserting himself, especially in front of females.
22:25Keep going.
22:25This is helping.
22:27As I write this, he lies, staring out the window, licking himself.
22:31He's become so subservient lately that when he finishes grooming himself, he often begins
22:49licking Frasier.
22:56I have no memory of that.
22:58April 14th, the day I dreaded for weeks, Frasier died this morning.
23:10I never would have guessed that my heart could ache so over the death of my beloved lab rat.
23:17My only consolation is the knowledge that I will soon give birth to my first child.
23:28Frasier.
23:34Do you know what this means?
23:36My mother named us after rodents.
23:38No, it means I have ended my marriage to the woman I love based on the case history of a
23:49spineless rat.
23:52Oh, my God.
23:53Oh, my God.
23:54Maris has seen the papers.
23:55It's too late to take it back.
23:56Your reasoning was still sound.
23:58My reasoning?
23:59My reasoning was based on my mother's obsession with bourbon.
24:03What the hell's going on here?
24:06Niles, you've just a bit distraught.
24:08Distraught?
24:09My life is over!
24:11Oh, Niles, don't talk that way.
24:12My God, man.
24:13You've got to calm down.
24:15All right.
24:16All right.
24:16Let me squash.
24:17Right.
24:17Slash some cold water on my face.
24:19Right, right.
24:20Is she going to be all right?
24:21I've never seen her like this.
24:23Of course she'll be all right, Dad.
24:25Niles, just remember to keep breathing.
24:29And trust me, this is not the end.
24:32Your life is not over.
24:35Niles!
24:37Niles!
24:42Oh, my God.
24:43Oh, my God.
24:43Dr. Crane, are you all right?
25:06I'm fine.
25:09Just a little heart.
25:11Oh, my God.
25:13And foamy.
25:18You know what must have happened?
25:20My heart and foamy must have exploded.
25:24He was a detective, you know.
25:38Hello.
25:40Yes, Maris.
25:44You are?
25:47You do?
25:49You will?
25:51That's wonderful.
25:53I'll be right over.
25:55Goodbye.
25:57The divorce papers were a bluff.
26:00When I signed them, it completely threw her.
26:02She's willing to go into counseling.
26:03Oh, Niles, I'm so happy for you.
26:06Oh, thank you.
26:06Oh, God.
26:07Oh, God.
26:22Hey, baby.
26:23I hear the blues are calling.
26:26Tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:29Mercy.
26:30And maybe I seem a bit confused
26:34Yeah, maybe, but I've got you pegged
26:37Ha, ha, ha, ha
26:39But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
26:46They're calling again
26:50Scrambled eggs all over my face
26:54What is a boy to do?
26:57Good night, everybody