Frasier Season 2 Episode 11 Seat Of Power
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00:00Well, I think we've got time for one last call. Who's up next for us?
00:04We have Elliot on line three.
00:08Hello, Elliot. I'm listening.
00:11Well, you see, Dr. Crane, I have this problem. I'm a salesman.
00:14Uh, a salesman? How old are you?
00:19Forty-three.
00:20Forty-three?
00:22Yeah.
00:24I'll tell. Let's be truthful.
00:27I'm forty-three.
00:30Now, Elliot, we were not born yesterday.
00:34Clearly, you are just an adolescent trying to prove to your little friends how clever you are by getting on the radio.
00:39But you know what you're really doing? You're taking time away from people with real problems.
00:44Hey, I'm forty-three. And I was going to say my problem is I have a very young-sounding voice that people make fun of all the time.
00:51Oh, I... I'm so sorry, Elliot. That was very insensitive of me.
01:03Ha! Got you, Dr. Doofy.
01:05Yes, indeed, you did get us, Elliot, but we are not so stuffy here on this program that we can't laugh at ourselves from time to time.
01:23Ross, can't you keep these pebbly-faced little maggots off the air?
01:28Well, that's our show for today.
01:31This is Dr. Crane signing off and wishing you good mental health.
01:36Have a good weekend, Ross.
01:43Wait, Frazier. I want to ask you a question. I want you to give me an honest answer.
01:48No, that outfit does not make you look fat.
01:52Well, that wasn't the question. Why would you think it was?
01:56Well, as a rule, when a woman prefaces a question with I want an honest answer, that's usually the question.
02:01Well, I'm not that insecure.
02:03All right. I'm sorry. You're all right.
02:04Your question, please.
02:07Would you say the back of my head is unattractive?
02:13Ross, have you completely lost your mind?
02:15No, I'm serious. You know how I have season tickets to the Seahawks games?
02:19Well, there's this really cute guy who sits right behind me.
02:22And a few weeks ago, we said hi, and we smiled at each other, but so far he hasn't asked me out yet.
02:28So I was thinking maybe there was something, you know, weird about the back of my head.
02:32Ross, there could be hundreds of reasons why he hasn't asked you out.
02:37Thank you. That makes me feel much better.
02:39No, no, no. Maybe he's married. Maybe he's in a relationship. Maybe he's gay.
02:44Or maybe, just maybe, he's there to watch a football game and not cruise chicks.
02:50Okay, you're right. I'm being ridiculous.
02:54Of course you are.
02:55See you Monday.
02:56All right.
02:58I saw that.
03:12You are not getting the rest of my scones, so just forget it.
03:15Mmm. Really good, too.
03:26Mmm, nom, nom, nom.
03:30Listen, I don't care. You can sit there until you're blue in the face.
03:34For us, I'm concerned you don't even exist. You're not even here.
03:37All right. Here. Get fat.
03:51I got you again, huh?
03:53You're such a soft touch.
03:55I am not.
03:56Well, he never begs when I'm eating.
03:57Maybe he doesn't like what you're eating.
03:59Trust me, he's not picky. I saw him eat a beetle.
04:02Eddie!
04:07Let's go for another walk.
04:09I thought you already walked him this morning.
04:12I did twice.
04:13He's got to go again.
04:14No, actually, I do.
04:18That didn't sound right.
04:20There's a very nice-looking gentleman who plays frisbee in the park with his Labrador.
04:25Eddie and I are hoping to run into them again.
04:28Come on, Eddie.
04:29He's just playing how to get.
04:31I'm glad somebody is.
04:37Hey, Frasier, how about fixing that toilet of yours?
04:40It keeps running all the time.
04:41The noise is driving me crazy.
04:43All right, Dad, I'll call a plumber.
04:44What do you mean, call a plumber?
04:46You've got two hands.
04:47Fix it yourself.
04:49Dad?
04:51I am a doctor.
04:53I have more important things to do with my life than to fix a toilet.
04:59Hello, Niles.
05:00Good news, Frasier.
05:01I pulled some strings at the spa, and they're squeezing us in for a salt glow with our Swedish massage.
05:06Fabulous.
05:09Oh, forget about the plumber.
05:10I'll do it myself.
05:12My manicure is canceled on me.
05:15Oh.
05:16Dad, you will not do it yourself.
05:18I bet you don't even have any tools around here.
05:20Well, that's where you are wrong.
05:22Let me show you something, mister.
05:24Here.
05:26See this?
05:27Every possible tool for every possible need.
05:31Got this from Hammerker Schlemmer.
05:33Is that turquoise inlay?
05:36Yes, it also comes in.
05:38Ebony and onyx.
05:40Onyx.
05:40Onyx is so showy.
05:42I don't think you are onyx.
05:43This is why I never took any home movies.
05:51Did you realize what a couple of delicate doilies you are?
05:57Gee, you don't know the meaning of the word self-reliant.
06:01Thank God there's not a national disaster happening.
06:04You'd be helpless.
06:06Oh, oh.
06:07A lemon zester.
06:09Yes.
06:15You know, Niles.
06:18I'd actually like to fix that toilet just to prove Dad wrong.
06:23Frasier, when a man is born with superior genes,
06:27the last challenge he should face involving a toilet
06:29is learning how to use one.
06:31Yes, but we've conquered the intellectual world,
06:34but in the world of nuts and bolts,
06:36we're at the mercy of tradesmen.
06:38You're serious?
06:40Yes.
06:40We could borrow some tools and fix it ourselves.
06:42It'd be a good practical experience,
06:44and it would shut Dad up.
06:46We'll show him we're made of tougher stuff than he thinks.
06:49Exactly.
06:50And it's early.
06:50We can let the eucalyptus rat be our reward.
06:52Ooh.
07:01Maris, I'm afraid I'll be delayed a few hours.
07:06Yes, Frasier and I have taken it upon ourselves to tackle a home repair.
07:11Yes, I'm working with my hands.
07:13Yes, I've worked up a bit of a sweat.
07:20I suppose I could take my shirt off.
07:24Niles, what are you doing?
07:26She seems to be getting aroused by my attempt at manual labor.
07:29Maris, I'm holding some sort of wrench.
07:38Give me that.
07:40Hello, Maris.
07:42Maris, Niles is busy now.
07:44No, never mind what I'm wearing.
07:49Now, may we continue, please?
07:51Fine.
07:52All right.
07:53Take the ball clock assembly, thread it through the tank hole,
07:57and fasten it under the tank with a lock nut.
08:02Yes, very well.
08:03Lock nut.
08:05See, Niles, until today, he didn't even know what a lock nut was.
08:09That Niles is dead.
08:10Call me Dutch.
08:15No, Niles.
08:17Working with our hands like this,
08:19I'm reminded of that glorious tradition
08:22of the Amish barn raising.
08:26All of the men of the village coming together,
08:29the mind, the muscle,
08:32all toward that one simple yet
08:34extraordinary goal.
08:41All right.
08:43We are ready to flush.
08:45Here's to what the Crane Brothers can accomplish
08:52when they put their minds to it.
08:53Flush away.
09:02It's working.
09:03Oh, my God.
09:04It's working.
09:05Look, it's draining out of the tank,
09:07into the bowl.
09:08In the bowl, and then the tank.
09:10Oh, I've seen it a million times,
09:11but never has it meant so much.
09:13Oh, my God.
09:14Grasier, shouldn't it be stopping now?
09:16One would think so, yes.
09:18It's overflowing.
09:18Oh, look.
09:19Oh, my God.
09:20Oh, my God.
09:21Oh, my God.
09:22Oh, my God.
09:22Oh, my God.
09:22Oh, look at that.
09:23What does it say to do now?
09:25It says, oh, it says nothing.
09:26Where are all your Amish friends now?
09:28Oh, my God.
09:32The plumber's been cold.
09:34The wine is properly chilled.
09:36Suddenly, my world makes sense again.
09:38We've had a tough day.
09:46We've tangled with a little pipe and porcelain.
09:50Now it's Montrachet time.
09:57Mmm.
09:59Oh.
10:00Mmm.
10:02When you think about it,
10:03our only mistake today
10:04was trying to fix that toilet ourselves.
10:06Yes, we've tampered with the natural order of things.
10:12But now, order has been restored.
10:16By hiring a plumber,
10:17that plumber can now afford, say,
10:19a Dolly Parton album.
10:25Miss Parton can then finance a national tour,
10:27which will, of course, come to Seattle,
10:29allowing some local promoter
10:31to make enough money
10:31to send his cross-dressing teenage son
10:33to us for $150-an-hour therapy.
10:36To the circle of life.
10:50Must be the plumber.
10:52Well, are you going to answer that,
10:53or are you going to hire somebody
10:54to do that for you, too?
10:56Dad, we tried, okay?
10:58Okay.
11:00Oh, please.
11:01I wasn't doing anything.
11:03Let me get it.
11:04Somebody call for a plumber?
11:08Not nearly soon enough.
11:11Follow me.
11:13What a lovely way to spend an afternoon.
11:16Well, Daphne, we are not plumbers.
11:18We're psychiatrists.
11:19Yeah, well, there are some heads
11:20you shouldn't tamper with.
11:22Frasier, you've got to get him out of here.
11:35What?
11:36That man is not fit to touch your toilet.
11:40Niles, have you been self-medicating again?
11:43That was Danny Creasel.
11:50Creasel the weasel?
11:53How can you be sure it's been 25 years?
11:56I'd recognize him anywhere.
11:58He bullied me throughout my entire childhood.
12:03He certainly didn't recognize you just now.
12:05Well, perhaps that's because he wasn't
12:06sticking my head in the toilet and flushing it.
12:11That was his trademark.
12:12He called it a swirly.
12:17Niles, you don't have to remind me
12:19of the Creasel reign of terror.
12:21I'm quite convinced I can trace my fear
12:22of confined spaces back to the time
12:24when his older brother, Billy,
12:27shoved me into a locker
12:29for wearing a girl's field hockey uniform.
12:36I'm sorry, I didn't mean to deny you your pain.
12:41I can still hear the laughter
12:42in Creasel's mocking voice
12:45as he'd hoist me over the ball.
12:47Hold your breath, Jocko.
12:51Then the crowd would start its awful chant.
12:55There goes Crane, down the drain.
12:57There goes Crane, down the drain.
13:00Niles, Niles, Niles!
13:02Get a hold of yourself!
13:04Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
13:08You're no longer an awkward teenager.
13:12You're a renowned psychiatrist.
13:15Danny Creasel may have won a battle or two
13:17back in junior high,
13:19but that's where he peaked.
13:21You won the war.
13:24You know the expression?
13:26Living well is the best revenge.
13:28It's a wonderful expression.
13:30Just don't know how true it is.
13:33I don't see it turning up
13:34in a lot of opera plots.
13:41Ludwig, maddened by the poisoning
13:43of his entire family,
13:44wreaks vengeance on Gunther
13:45in the third act by living well.
13:47All right.
13:51For upon Wotown,
13:53discovering his deception,
13:54wreaks vengeance on Gunther
13:55in the third act again
13:56by living even better than the Duke.
13:58Oh, all right!
14:05That's a new part, right?
14:08Yeah.
14:09Because I'm sure you're charging me
14:11for a new part,
14:12so I wouldn't want you
14:13using a used part.
14:17What are you,
14:18the plumbing police?
14:22I'll be back.
14:23Don't mind me.
14:37I just came in
14:38for some aspirin.
14:40Tannic acid gives me
14:41the tiniest headache,
14:43but that's the price I pay
14:44for drinking nothing
14:45but expensive wine.
14:47Hey.
14:55Yeah.
14:56Listen, you got a real mess here.
14:59I'm going to have to
14:59call the shop,
15:00have my partner bring out
15:01a whole bunch of new parts.
15:03You're looking at two guys
15:04on Golden Time.
15:05Is that okay with you?
15:06It's only money.
15:10Say, um,
15:12has somebody been trying
15:13to fix this thing?
15:14Not me.
15:17I don't even set the clock
15:19in my Mercedes E320.
15:24Boy.
15:25That's a nice car.
15:27Yes, I should say it is.
15:30I had one for a while,
15:32but it was too small
15:33for the whole family,
15:34so we upgraded
15:35to the S-Class.
15:40You have the big Mercedes?
15:44Oh, yeah.
15:45And I got to tell you,
15:47my 13-year-old's
15:48already got his eye on it.
15:51That's a great kid
15:52right there.
15:54Except we got in a fight
15:55at school the other day.
15:57Oh, really?
15:59Some small-boned child
16:00with superior language skills?
16:02No!
16:03No!
16:03There was some big jerk
16:11on the football team
16:12who tried to steal
16:13his lunch money.
16:14Oh, yeah.
16:15Well,
16:17there's nothing like
16:18a bully.
16:18Well, I got to tell you,
16:20I'd rather you be a bully
16:23than one of those
16:24wussy kids
16:25that always gets picked on.
16:26You know the kind
16:27I'm talking about?
16:28The kids are too gutless
16:30to fight back.
16:31So,
16:32you admire someone
16:34who fights back,
16:35do you?
16:35Well, sure!
16:37I mean,
16:38you know,
16:41if you don't fight back,
16:42what are you?
16:43You're a wuss.
16:45You're a wimp.
16:47You're a...
16:47No!
16:51Leave the man alone
16:52while he's trying to work.
16:53What's Dr. Crane doing?
17:10He's a little frustrated
17:11because I wouldn't
17:12let him do something.
17:15He's taking his anger
17:16out on my ficus.
17:20I've never seen him
17:21so angry.
17:22He's like a madman.
17:23Good Lord!
17:29There's a bee out there
17:30the size of a woodfinch.
17:36Well, Niles,
17:36you've had a chance
17:37to cool off.
17:38You ready to talk
17:38about this now?
17:39No, I'm not ready yet.
17:48Niles,
17:49I have to be honest,
17:51I'm a little disappointed
17:52in you.
17:54Were you actually going
17:55to stick another human
17:56being's head
17:57into a toilet?
18:00You don't seem
18:00to understand.
18:01I feel this rage.
18:03It's as if this beast
18:04has been awakened
18:05within me.
18:06Can you get that
18:07for me?
18:07Niles,
18:12you see, there is a beast
18:16in all of us.
18:17Part of becoming
18:18a rational adult
18:19is learning
18:19to control it.
18:21That is what separates us
18:23from the creasals
18:24of this world.
18:25That and their tendency
18:26to squat on their haunches
18:27and groom each other.
18:28Don't you see,
18:32you have an opportunity
18:33with Danny
18:34that I have never had
18:35with Billy
18:36to confront him
18:37as a rational adult
18:39and achieve
18:40some closure.
18:43Easier said
18:43than done,
18:44Fraser.
18:45One look at that
18:46oafish face,
18:48those dead
18:49creasal eyes.
18:51You see,
18:52there is no chance
18:53for communication.
18:54Yes, there is, Niles.
18:56There has to be.
18:57I can't go in there
18:58and talk to him.
19:00If the coward
19:00turns his back on me,
19:01I'll attack him again.
19:02No, you won't.
19:05You're not a child anymore.
19:06Now, come with me.
19:07I'm taking you
19:07to the bathroom.
19:18Excuse me, sir.
19:21I'd like to have
19:21a word with you.
19:22Yeah, go ahead.
19:26I'd like to take you
19:27back in time
19:28to the 1970s.
19:30There was an intellectually
19:32gifted young student
19:33at John Adams Junior High.
19:36You took it upon yourself
19:37to terrorize that student
19:39simply because
19:41he was different from you.
19:43I was that student.
19:45No kidding.
19:46I was hoping we could
19:48step into the living room
19:49and come to some sort
19:51of understanding.
19:53It's okay with me.
19:54Any room in the house
19:55is still 59 bucks an hour.
20:02I'll be right back, Billy.
20:03Billy?
20:15Billy?
20:18That's my brother for you.
20:19Always getting into stuff.
20:22But if you ask me,
20:23your friend over there
20:24is getting all worked up
20:26over nothing.
20:27You think so, Billy?
20:29Kids pick on other kids.
20:31It's part of growing up.
20:33If anything,
20:34it made those
20:34weak kids tougher.
20:36Really?
20:38Oh, man.
20:39You're a big guy.
20:41You must have been involved
20:42in some kind of stuff.
20:44Oh, I was involved.
20:46I would like to take you back in time.
20:56No.
20:58Let me take you back.
21:01I remember once
21:02we jammed this poindexter
21:05into a locker
21:06wearing a girl's field hockey uniform.
21:09No, I'm sorry.
21:15I just don't remember you.
21:18No?
21:20Perhaps you'll remember
21:21third period gym class.
21:23You used to make me wear
21:24my jock strap like a tiara.
21:28Oh, yeah.
21:30Oh, yeah.
21:32Were you the kid
21:33used to carry his gym shorts
21:35in an attache case?
21:46It was a valise.
21:51I remember you.
21:53Boy, those were some crazy times.
21:56Do you ever see
21:57any of the old gang?
21:59Look, you're missing the point.
22:00I was severely scarred
22:05by those experiences.
22:07Hey, wait a minute.
22:08I can't defend
22:09everything I did
22:10back in junior high.
22:11I mean, who can?
22:13But let's face it.
22:14When you show up at school
22:16wearing a tweed blazer
22:17with elbow patches
22:18and carrying a valise,
22:20I mean,
22:21I think the guilt here
22:23is 50-50.
22:24He's yelling at us
22:31something about
22:32repressed tendencies.
22:34So we stuffed
22:35a fire extinguisher
22:37down his pants.
22:39We called him
22:39a jet pack.
22:41That's it!
22:44And you remember them all.
22:48Well, then,
22:49my next question to you
22:51would be
22:51why did you behave
22:52this way?
22:53Well, I don't know.
22:55I mean,
22:57I guess because
22:58people thought
22:59it was funny.
23:00I see.
23:01I see.
23:02So then,
23:03to get this validation,
23:05you would say
23:06squeeze my head
23:07between your ankles
23:07and hop around
23:08the lunchroom.
23:13I did that to you?
23:15Yes.
23:16How does that
23:17make you feel?
23:21Well, kind of bad.
23:22the healing
23:27has begun.
23:31So,
23:31so in front of
23:32the whole bus
23:33we pantsed him.
23:34He's yelling at us,
23:36give me back
23:36my pants.
23:38But, whoops,
23:39they fell out
23:40the window.
23:44So then,
23:44it's possible
23:45these acts of aggression
23:46were actually
23:47misplaced outbursts
23:48aimed at your father.
23:49yes.
23:56He was the real
23:57bully,
23:57wasn't he?
23:58Oh, yes.
24:00Let it out,
24:01Danny,
24:02let it out.
24:02Nothing I ever did
24:04was good enough
24:05for him.
24:07I am so sorry
24:09that I picked
24:10on you, man.
24:11I just wanted
24:14to be good
24:15at something
24:16and I was
24:17good at that.
24:21You were the best.
24:24And then we made him
24:26dance the hula
24:27in his underwear
24:28in front of all
24:29the girls.
24:30You should have
24:34been there.
24:35I was there.
24:39Thanks.
24:40This has just
24:41been terrific
24:42for me.
24:43I can't take
24:44all the credit.
24:45Half the thanks
24:46belongs to my brother.
24:48He convinced me
24:48that a civilized
24:49person can work
24:50anything out
24:51as long as he
24:52approaches it
24:52in a calm,
24:54rational manner.
24:55Run,
24:56Niles,
24:56run!
24:57The beast
24:58is loose!
24:58So you really
25:11shoved his head
25:12right in here?
25:13I don't know,
25:14Dad.
25:14It's really all
25:15sort of a blur.
25:17I guess I just
25:17lost control.
25:19Bet it felt good,
25:21though,
25:21didn't it?
25:21No.
25:23It felt damn good.
25:25Ah, it's too bad
25:29you didn't do it
25:3020 years ago.
25:31You could have
25:31given him a much
25:32better swirly.
25:34These low-flow
25:35toilets don't have
25:36the same velocity
25:36as the other ones.
25:41So what did he do
25:42to you?
25:43He didn't have the
25:44nerve to do a thing.
25:45You paid him off,
25:46huh?
25:48I've never written
25:48a check so quickly
25:49in my life.
25:52Well,
25:54there she goes.
25:57Good as new.
25:58Thanks, Darren.
26:00Can I buy you a beer?
26:01Oh, yeah.
26:02Sounds good.
26:07Come on, Eddie.
26:12Oh,
26:13for God's sake,
26:15Eddie,
26:15don't drink
26:16out of the toilet.
26:17Some guy just
26:18had his head
26:18in there.
26:26Hey, baby,
26:27I hear the blues
26:28are calling
26:29tossed salads
26:30and scrambled eggs.
26:33Mercy.
26:35And maybe
26:36I seem a bit
26:37confused.
26:38Yeah, maybe.
26:39But I got you,
26:40Peg.
26:41Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
26:43But I don't know
26:45what to do
26:46with those
26:46tossed salads
26:47and scrambled eggs.
26:52They're calling again.
26:55Scrambled eggs
26:56all over my face.
26:59What is it, boy,
27:00to do?
27:03Good night,
27:04Seattle.
27:05We love you.