Frasier Season 4 Episode 15 Roz's Krantz & Go Uldenstein Are Dead
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00:00oh did i mention two members of my fear of commitment group have announced they're getting
00:06married oh congratulations there's a downside though there are new age types and weddings
00:13to be held in the woods so i need a date you know how the women in my crowd tend to droop
00:21outdoors yes well not there all different sorts of women in the world you know perhaps if you
00:30tiptoe beyond the fringes of your precious circle cast a wider net frazier that woman by the side
00:38of the road spearing trash not that wide no no no it's roz
00:45she realizes we've recognized her she'll be utterly humiliated oh run
01:00oh my god you're not seeing me go away boss what on earth are you doing here
01:08just let me in wait i'll spread papers
01:13thank you
01:15all right
01:19okay let's go what what do you let's go i i can't do that i don't even know why you're here
01:27about a month ago i got stopped doing 60 in a 30 mile an hour zone
01:33it was either a huge fine or community service so here i am and it's a nightmare breathing exhaust
01:42fumes using a spatula to scrape up roadkill
01:46well at least just look on the bright side you're you're outdoors you can enjoy nature
01:53you're beautifying our highway
01:55fraser i found an ear
01:56was there no other service you could have performed the only other option was visiting
02:03old people in a retirement home and you chose this well think about it walking the streets
02:09picking up trash you can see how roz would go with the familiar
02:12nile
02:13old people just make me uncomfortable
02:17ross if you would consider that your your discomfort around the elderly may stem from
02:22your own fear of growing old wow do you think
02:29oh my god what it's my supervisor hit the gas i can't it might be illegal move or your brother
02:36gets it absolutely not all right the headrest off we go
02:47oh well there do your exercise i am very good just a little further there you go
03:02congratulations mr crane you finally got your knee past your ribcage
03:07oh that's no big deal well it's more than lilith could accomplish in five years of marriage
03:12you know it's so gratifying to see your father make these little improvements
03:21it stays like this one i'm glad i took this position
03:24we're all glad you took this position
03:26well you know definitely must say that sometimes i envy you here you go nice
03:33you know
03:40well i'm just saying that it's always gratifying
03:43to see some reward for your efforts
03:45yeah lady that's something i've been lacking in my own work
03:48how so oh well you know back in private practice i
03:52i could spend months even years with a patient
03:55see the fruits of my labor
03:57now somebody calls in i give my advice and never know how things work out
04:02simply release my humble words in the airways and then they're gone forever
04:07vanished
04:07so like my tiffany cufflinks
04:09i'd hope to wear them to my new age wedding they've disappeared
04:15so you know my pain
04:17well i'm not really dissatisfied it's just that
04:25well daphne you know you get to see your progress with dad
04:28now you have the upcoming marriage of your commitment phobics
04:32oh come on you help people all the time
04:35you helped me just the other day
04:36how
04:37well i was worried because eddie lost his appetite
04:40and you remember what you said
04:42if i remember rightly i i said well why don't you just give him some of my truffle foie gras
04:48right
04:48i was being funny
04:51oh
04:53well i knew that
04:56and i just cheered me right up
04:59come on daddy
04:59excuse me bulldog
05:14what's up doc
05:15listen have you seen ross
05:19she's late my show goes on in 30 seconds
05:21you know what i'd dump her
05:23well that's a little extreme don't you think
05:25right
05:25i fire everybody once a year
05:27housekeepers personal trainers
05:29you know cut them off before they start copying an attitude
05:32oh oh oh
05:33doctors are the worst of all
05:35you pick up the same disease three or four times
05:37they start lecturing you like it's your fault
05:39you want a bite
05:42well if you skipped it to me across a pool of disinfectants
05:46hello seattle
05:55good afternoon this is dr fraser crane
05:58you know today we're going to do things just a little bit different
06:01for the past four years now i've been taking your calls and giving advice
06:05and i was thinking perhaps our listeners are wondering how things have turned out
06:10i know i do
06:11so today i invite those of you who've called in in the past
06:15to give us a holler and
06:17we can catch up on how things have worked out for you
06:20all our lines are open
06:22come on
06:32come on you know the number
06:34ah there we are
06:37hello
06:39this is dr fraser crane
06:41how did i help you
06:44hello dr crane this is chet from whitby island
06:50i gave you a call last year
06:52i was having problems with a low self-esteem
06:55ah
06:56ah i see and did my advice help you to become more assertive
07:00damn straight you know people say i'm downright arrogant
07:04well perhaps you took my advice just a bit too far
07:17who the hell are you
07:20screw you too
07:24well as i give myself a well-deserved pat on the back and
07:31chet marches off to invade poland
07:35let's just go to commercial
07:38well ross glad you could join us
07:42you're lucky i made it at all
07:44i took your advice and went down to that retirement home to finish off my community service
07:49it's a lot better than spearing trash isn't it
07:52you tell me
07:53i started playing checkers with this old man mr cramps
07:58well things got a little competitive and he made a really bad move and i said
08:03you're a dead man
08:04oh dear
08:09i think i see where this story's headed
08:11a minute later he's lying sprawled across the board
08:16pieces are everywhere
08:17the whole place is screaming
08:19when i pulled him up he still had a checker stuck to his forehead
08:22ross i am so sorry
08:26i
08:26i can see how you could be very traumatized by this
08:30all right we're back
08:31you know that was kind of a catchy little commercial wasn't it
08:33let's get back to it
08:34ross listen
08:38you can't be too upset about this
08:40now given the circumstances his age and his surroundings
08:43surely this thing was sort of expected
08:46not with this guy
08:48the whole reason i liked him was he was so youthful and robust
08:53you should have seen him fraser he was raring to go
08:56he kept bragging about how good he was
08:59and how much fun it was gonna be
09:01and he dies on me
09:02hey it happens to all guys okay
09:04no no no no no
09:07this is a pet peeve of mine back
09:09why is it always the guy's fault
09:11you know if you chicks needed a little less booze to get from maybe to yes
09:15we'd be a lot more alert when the moment of truth arrives
09:18hold on
09:21ross was playing checkers with an elderly gentleman and he died
09:26oh well
09:27well when i said we i didn't mean me because i don't have that
09:35hey you're a doctor that was confidential
09:41well i guess it's back to scraping up roadkill
09:47ross ross surely you realize what happened today at the retirement home was an aberration
09:52well maybe so but i wasn't comfortable being around old people to begin with
09:56and this certainly hasn't helped matters
09:58now ross listen
09:59if you're ever going to conquer your fear of aging
10:01you've got to get back down there and spend some time with these people
10:04you'll learn that they're really vital human beings
10:06well i'm still not convinced
10:09all right then think of it this way
10:11there's been a lot of fog on the interstate lately
10:14as the train whistle screamed and we started out of the station
10:26i lowered the window and said i'll be back
10:31but somehow i knew i would never see her or paris again
10:37the end
10:39that was a pretty good book wasn't it mr goldenstein
10:43mr goldenstein you're feeling a little cold
10:47can i make you a nice hot cup of
10:50oh my god
10:52come on boy you can do it
11:03come on
11:04hey hey brace look at that he's dancing
11:08and he's practically doing a polka
11:09oh good
11:10that should up his price
11:12when i sell him to the carnival
11:13hello
11:16hello daphne's back from the big wedding in the woods huh
11:19oh yes and do what you look nice
11:22except what's this sticky stuff all over your shoulder here
11:25did you finally find a date
11:26i asked meris
11:28sap
11:29i think daphne speaks for us all
11:31just how the hell did this happen
11:35well i was desperate for a date
11:37and i i knew meris would be lonely this time of year
11:40it's cruise season
11:41she never partakes
11:42she has an absolute terror of buffets
11:44oh yes
11:45legendary smorgaphobia
11:47so how'd it go
11:50or should i say how big a scene did she make
11:52actually she did quite well
11:54she willingly joined in the ceremonial chanting
11:58when the shaman invited those so inclined to embrace their favorite tree
12:03meris said the only tree she was willing to embrace was her family tree
12:07everyone laughed
12:10well i laughed
12:12then it happened
12:17they called for a group hug
12:19oh dear
12:20last time i saw her she was racing toward her mercedes
12:25emitting a high-pitched shriek
12:27that caused the wedding doves to attack one another
12:29see if i can find something to remove this sap
12:36another one died
12:39what
12:40what happened
12:41what's she talking about
12:43oh
12:43dan ross has been
12:45doing some community service
12:47down at her retirement home
12:49apparently for the second time this week
12:51one of her charges has died
12:53they're calling me the angel of death now
12:57well do you know this isn't your fault
13:01maybe it is
13:03i've never been good with plants or animals
13:06everything's always died on me
13:08you have a cat
13:09oh
13:12i'm so sorry
13:15ross death is an occupational hazard of working with older people
13:21trust me i've lost more patients than i'd like to count
13:25well you never said anything about that to me
13:28didn't i
13:28anyway you just sit there and i'm gonna make you a nice cup of tea
13:32wait wait how many patients did you lose
13:35i don't know
13:36i used to keep a tally in my diary but it made me a bit sad
13:40was it more than five
13:41now listen ross
13:44there's no way that you can feel guilty about this
13:47i mean those men were gonna die anyway
13:50if anything you gave them some
13:52much welcome companionship in their final moments
13:55it just seems so unfair
13:57one minute he's lying in the bed
14:01smiling and happy
14:03ten seconds later it's over
14:06heaven's sake
14:11happens to every man a couple of times in his life
14:14why can't you women just take it as a compliment
14:16look i appreciate you coming down here with me but i don't think i can make it
14:30ross we have discussed this this is going to be your breakthrough day
14:34they hate me here
14:35you're just overreacting there is no way they think you're the angel of death
14:39i'm leaving
14:44no ross
14:46this is not like you
14:48the ross i know is not a quitter she's a fighter
14:50oh i just can't help thinking it's going to happen again
14:54they always die in threes
14:56oh god that's just celebrities come on
14:58in you go
15:04hi
15:10i'm ross
15:12i'm moira
15:13come in
15:14how are you feeling today
15:16fine
15:17really do you feel okay
15:18yes now do me a favor and hand me those cigarettes would you
15:22you know these things do come with a warning
15:28so do you darling
15:29i let you in
15:30good afternoon
15:35how you doing
15:37is that dr crane
15:39yes
15:42dr fraser crane
15:44yes
15:46have we met
15:48no but i thought that was you
15:51i recognize your voice from the radio
15:53i listen to your program all the time
15:56norman royster
15:57well uh
15:59it's my pleasure
16:00are you here visiting somebody
16:03oh no no no i'm just here with a friend of mine ross
16:05she's here doing some community service
16:07ah the angel of death
16:09nice gal
16:10you know
16:13i remember one day
16:16i was listening to your program
16:18and uh it was right after my wife died and i was going through kind of a rough patch
16:23you told this guy who was going through the same thing that he should keep pictures of his wife around to help with the transition
16:30that was a good idea
16:32so you started keeping pictures with you
16:35well that wouldn't make much sense now would it
16:37well no
16:39well what what did you do
16:41well i remembered
16:42when we were dating
16:44helen made this life mask of herself for art class and i had my daughter dig through the attic and lo and behold she found it
16:55this is the way she looked when we met
17:00isn't she beautiful
17:02oh yes
17:04so you were right
17:05every night
17:06before i fall asleep
17:08i run my fingers over helen's beautiful face and it takes me right back to all those wonderful years we've had together
17:14it made a world of difference
17:17i want to thank you
17:20you really helped me
17:22i have no idea how nice it is to hear that
17:25would you excuse me
17:28it's time for me to take one of my many pills
17:32drink yourself at home
17:33thank you
17:47what was that
18:03nothing
18:04nothing um
18:07i just uh
18:08knocked your ashtray over
18:09oh i hope it wasn't damaged
18:11my grandson made that for me a summer can
18:13oh no it's intact
18:14not the tiniest chip
18:15oh good
18:18set it back on the table
18:20you know how attached you get to
18:22family things
18:23yes
18:24do you have children dr crane
18:26um
18:26well uh
18:27yes
18:28dr crane are you on the floor
18:30i was just uh tying my shoelace
18:34yes yes i uh i have a son
18:37i'd much rather hear about your family
18:40well i got four sons and one daughter
18:42you wouldn't happen to be single now by the chance would you dr crane
18:46as a matter of fact i am
18:48so is my daughter
18:53i'll tell you about her first
18:54she's a sweet thing
18:56beautiful too
18:58just like her mother
18:59same cheekbones
19:00same nose
19:03what a lovely nose it is
19:10so there are four of us
19:15in the raft
19:16and i see we're heading into a patch of white water
19:20suddenly
19:21we slam into a rock
19:23and the next thing i know
19:25my teeth are flying into the colorado river
19:27i damn near dived in after him
19:32those teeth cost more than the whole trip
19:35you've had quite a life
19:39i suppose
19:40never got arrested though
19:43oh good for you
19:45it wasn't so great
19:49you know it was the first time i ever got pulled over and couldn't flirt my way past it
19:54oh that's almost as bad as the first time somebody calls you ma'am
19:59that happened the other day
20:01it's been kind of a rough week
20:04i bet i know just what you're thinking
20:07this is only the beginning
20:10it's only gonna get worse from here
20:13well yeah
20:15let me tell you something
20:17i'm 81 now
20:19and every morning
20:22i open my eyes and i see the sun streaming through the window
20:27i hear the birds chirping
20:30i smell the coffee brewing down the hall
20:33and i walk into the bathroom
20:36and i look into the mirror
20:38and do you know what i say to myself
20:42what
20:43what the hell is that
20:56that's the second thing i say
20:59the point is
21:04it is only gonna get worse from where you are right now
21:09well what did you want me to say
21:12life gets better with every passing year
21:16you want to hear that
21:18you go talk to mrs edelman you can't miss her
21:21she's the one in the tv room with the inflatable seahorse around her waist
21:26well you're not making me feel any better moira
21:33it's cause i can't
21:34nobody likes to get older
21:37but it doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself
21:40i'll tell you a funny story
21:44last thursday
21:46i hacked into the main computer here
21:50and changed the schedule
21:52so now
21:54i get all my sponge baths from eduardo
21:57you're kidding me
22:05look you're way too young to be concerned about all this
22:08don't waste the best years of your life worrying about something you can't control
22:13i know
22:14i know you're right
22:16you know i wouldn't care about getting older
22:19if i thought my mind was going to be as sharp as yours is
22:22sharp
22:22i'll tell you a funny story
22:26last thursday i hacked into the main computer here
22:31and changed the schedule
22:33and now i get all my sponge baths from eduardo
22:37with the exception of not being able to watch willie mays steal second
22:49or michael jordan on a breakaway dunk
22:52not a whole lot i feel like i missed out on
22:54uh-huh uh-huh
22:56listen
22:56have you got any glue around here
22:59i don't think so why
23:01well uh
23:03the onyx has popped out of my cuff link
23:05and uh i'm just hoping i might be able to reaffix it
23:08the closest thing i have is denture adhesive
23:11it's on the dresser
23:12oh oh oh
23:13well it's worth a try
23:15these pills
23:17they keep me alive but they sure don't keep me awake
23:20you find it
23:22yes
23:22yes you know i i think this just might do the trick
23:27you know the worst part about all this is
23:32i used to be the kind of person that never got tired
23:35well then
23:36you know perhaps maybe we should take a
23:38a brisk walk
23:39get that old circulation going
23:41no that's okay
23:42it's close to my bedtime anyway
23:44seems like you have a visitor norman
23:52come in
23:54come in
23:59it's probably mrs edelman
24:02she was an avon lady before she lost her mind
24:05well you know my goodness that is a smashing robe
24:12you know i'm in the market for one like it myself
24:14why don't you stand up maybe i can read the label
24:16come over here and have a look
24:18i seem to be sitting on something
24:23oh my company
24:24all right you know i'm here i'll just uh
24:29place it back in here
24:31carefully and uh
24:33huh
24:33huh
24:35oh there we go
24:37good as new
24:38yes well uh norman i
24:40can't tell you what a
24:42nice time it's been spending a day with you
24:45it was nice for you to drop by
24:47my pleasure
24:48oh you're over there
24:49well uh yeah
24:50well yeah i was just having
24:52one last look at helen
24:54isn't she beautiful
24:55such delicate features
24:58they certainly are
24:59well norman uh
25:05it was a real pleasure
25:07i hope you keep listening to my show
25:10i sure will
25:11you're a good man
25:14not a lot of people left
25:16with your kind of integrity
25:18norman
25:35uh i have a little compassion to make
25:39i didn't
25:42i didn't drop your ass trail
25:45i dropped the mask
25:46and then i was broke off
25:48and
25:48i feel just terrible
25:51well that's why you needed my
25:52denture adhesive
25:53yes
25:54well usually it works pretty well
25:57i must have dropped that mask
25:58ten times
25:59i am blind you know
26:04certainly it's a relief to hear that
26:11well you know i'd better get out of here
26:13before i do any further damage
26:14uh it was great meeting you
26:18would like me to leave the light on or off
26:20surprise me
26:22hey baby i hear the blues are calling
26:33tossed salads and scrambled eggs
26:37oh my
26:39and maybe i seem a bit confused
26:42well maybe
26:43but i got you pegged
26:45but i don't know what to do
26:50with those tossed salads
26:52and scrambled eggs
26:54they're calling again
26:57thank you
26:59and
27:00and
27:02you
27:04you
27:05you
27:06you
27:07you
27:09you
27:10you
27:11you
27:12you