Part 6 of 6 of the kids' classic. The boys discover that the reporters refuse to believe that the alien visitation was all an elaborate prank concocted by them. Disgusted that their plan to humiliate Sidebottom has backfired and he is now receiving several lucrative cash offers by the tabloids, Ben's father reminds them that they still have the rest of the meteorite to prove their claim. However, Barney decides to confront Sidebottom with this in a bid to arrange a news conference with this new discovery in a pretext to embarrass him in public. But things take a very strange turn when the neighbourhood is suddenly visited by armed police and the boys find themselves in a very tricky situation.
Episode 6 goes off on a very unexpected tangent in an exciting climax. I have friend Adam Adamant to thank for this, as it has never been repeated since it's original broadcast. However, a note for viewers that for some reason the music is muted in this final episode, but as there does not seem to be any other copies of this elsewhere it will have to do. I hope it inspires memories and people enjoy seeing this again.
Episode 6 goes off on a very unexpected tangent in an exciting climax. I have friend Adam Adamant to thank for this, as it has never been repeated since it's original broadcast. However, a note for viewers that for some reason the music is muted in this final episode, but as there does not seem to be any other copies of this elsewhere it will have to do. I hope it inspires memories and people enjoy seeing this again.
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Okay, Finlay, let's open her up to Thrust 20, see what she can do.
00:13As you wish, sir.
00:23Not bad, eh?
00:24If you weren't watching last week, you should have been.
00:27It was brilliant.
00:28Show him, Finlay.
00:30Certainly, sir.
00:37My name is Dennis Sidebottom.
00:41I mean you, no harm.
00:44Yeah, yeah, Alvin P. Newt, he sold us the meteorite.
00:47And Bouncy Bell lent us the balloon.
00:48Don't you see it all fits together?
00:50I am not going to hang around listening to you lot spinning me another ludicrous yarn.
00:54Nice try.
01:24News just in, and it's been revealed that the so-called Zed alien story, which has caused
01:46such a stir recently, was nothing but an elaborate hoax dreamt up by a highly ingenious schoolboy,
01:52Ben Simpson.
01:53Over to our reporter on the scene, Giles Mawinney.
01:56Thanks, Sue.
01:57Mr Simpson, can you tell us how you managed to fool not only Dennis Sidebottom, but also
02:01the world's media?
02:02Well, Giles, it's a long story, but I couldn't have pulled it off without the help of my dear
02:06friends and colleagues, Barney and Jenks.
02:08Tell me briefly, what prompted this brilliant hoax in the first place?
02:11Dennis Sidebottom is a pompous wasic who threatened to reveal our secret operations.
02:16Nobody does that and gets away with it.
02:17And where do you three go from here?
02:19Well, we've sold the Agent Zed film rights to Hollywood, and then there's merchandising.
02:23Agent Zed T-shirts.
02:26Baseball caps.
02:27Well, there goes Mr Sidebottom.
02:29Excuse me.
02:29Mr Sidebottom, can we have a word?
02:32How do you feel about this embarrassing episode?
02:34Get lost.
02:34Well, there you have it.
02:39Now it's back to the studio where Sue's got dog slobber all over her face.
02:44Budger, get off.
02:49If only...
02:53Twang.
02:56I wanted that W.
02:58Sorry.
03:02Dad.
03:03Yeah?
03:03I've hit a bit of a snag.
03:06It serves you right for using my W.
03:08Not a Scrabble snag.
03:10An Agent Zed snag.
03:11Oh, yeah?
03:12What's the problem?
03:13The code.
03:15What code?
03:16You know what code.
03:17The code on the bit of a meteorite.
03:19What a code, is it?
03:21No-one believes we know what it means.
03:23I thought nobody knew what it meant.
03:25Whole teams of top scientists working on it haven't cracked it yet.
03:30Done.
03:30You don't spell done, D-U-N.
03:34Oh, yes, you do.
03:40D-U-N.
03:42Done.
03:43Brown.
03:44Mousy-coloured.
03:45Dingy.
03:46Your go.
03:47Just say that Sidebottom's piece of rock hadn't landed from outer space.
03:57You know, say, just for example, that someone had cut it out of a larger piece.
04:02Wouldn't it be embarrassing if that somebody turned up with another piece of exactly matching rock?
04:09Dad, you're brilliant.
04:10So what's the plan?
04:15We go to the press.
04:17If that report has anything to go by, the BBC's probably been given 375 lumps of meteorite this week.
04:22Well, yeah, but...
04:22They probably think we're another load of wackos trying to get on the telly.
04:25We are.
04:26No, we're not.
04:27We are trying to get on the telly.
04:29So?
04:29Hang on a second.
04:43Follow me.
04:51This is Sidebottom House.
04:52Well, give that boy a PhD.
04:56What are you going to do?
04:57One glimpse of this?
04:59No.
05:00You're bonkers.
05:01Think about it.
05:01Sidebottom's going to be...
05:02No way.
05:02Just give it back.
05:03It's mine.
05:04It's ours.
05:07What do you lot want?
05:08We'd like a little word with you, if you don't mind.
05:11I don't mind, actually.
05:12I'm very busy...
05:12I'm doing the talking.
05:14Ring any bells?
05:15Where did you get that?
05:17Oh, looks like the other half of the rock from your little green friend.
05:19I've never said they were green.
05:20Let's not be pedantic.
05:22Huh?
05:23Picky.
05:23Now, it seems that no one can make head nor tail of your coat.
05:26Well?
05:27Well, it appears that my friends and I have not only stumbled over this,
05:31we also stumbled over the key to the code.
05:33You can read it.
05:34Frankly, Dennis, we're looking at something of truly massive significance.
05:38Right, boys?
05:40Enormous.
05:41Microscopic.
05:42But you're obviously a very, very busy man.
05:45So, come on, boys.
05:46Let's go and find that nice man for the BBC.
05:48No, stop.
05:49Wait.
05:49Wait.
05:49What would you say to £200?
05:57A bribe?
05:59A deal.
06:00A financial transaction.
06:03It's what makes the world go round.
06:05Metaphorically, not scientifically.
06:07Look, do you want the money or don't you?
06:08How terribly vulgar.
06:10We're not interested in money.
06:12Aren't we?
06:12And if we were...
06:13Which we're not.
06:14We're not.
06:15£200 would be a rather paltry sum,
06:17considering how much you've been making from interviews and photo exclusives.
06:21How about a thousand?
06:24A thousand?
06:25Two thousand?
06:27Oh!
06:27What we're interested in is furthering the course of science.
06:31But like your good self, we're not averse to a bit of publicity.
06:35Yeah, we quite fancy being on the tilly.
06:37Which is where you come in.
06:38You've got the media wrapped round your little finger.
06:41So perhaps we could do a deal.
06:43What sort of a deal?
06:44A press conference.
06:45BBC, ITV, Channel 4.
06:47And what do I get out of this deal?
06:49We get famous, you get even more famous.
06:51We hand over our piece of rock, the boffins translate the message and...
06:55Hey, presto, all four of us go down in history.
06:58Look, we can't discuss this on the doorstep, huh?
07:02Come in, lads.
07:03Come on in.
07:07You've got to hand it to him.
07:08Barney's seriously brainy.
07:13Come in, come in, come in.
07:14Sit down.
07:16Sit down.
07:19Now then.
07:21What's it to be?
07:23Fruit juice and cake?
07:24Orange juice would be most appropriate, if you've got it.
07:27Orange juice, it is.
07:28Patricia, can we have some orange juice and cake for the lads?
07:32OK, boys.
07:33What's the scam?
07:35Scam?
07:36Don't know what you're talking about.
07:37What's a scam?
07:38Come off it.
07:39Derek has just asked you in for juice and cakes.
07:41I think he's just being neighbourly.
07:43And he knows we like cake.
07:45Please yourselves.
07:47Right.
07:48Cake's on its way.
07:49Now then, where were we?
07:51Oh, it's non-stop today, eh?
07:53OK.
07:56Dennis Sidebottom?
07:58Yes?
07:59I'm arresting you for the theft of £3 million from the Blue Kangaroo Casino, New South Wales,
08:04in November 1994.
08:06You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned
08:09something which you later rely on in court.
08:11Anything you do say may be given in evidence.
08:14Get stuffed!
08:15Mr Sidebottom!
08:19I've got five kids in here, and I'm home to the cheap!
08:24There we are, boys.
08:26The car!
08:27What was all that banging about?
08:28No, it's out the front!
08:30Blast!
08:30Do this!
08:32Guests!
08:32It's out that gun!
08:33Blast!
08:41Blast!
08:41Blast!
08:52Can I help you?
08:53No!
08:54Police!
08:55Look, I'm getting the M.O.T. done next week.
08:57Please, go inside your house, sir!
08:59The police have cordoned off the street!
09:18That's nothing.
09:20There's a marksman in our back garden.
09:22What?
09:24It's a pity Ben's out.
09:25He'd love this.
09:25Oh!
09:29Ah!
09:30We're surrounded!
09:31What are you talking about?
09:34Let's get out of here!
09:34Oh, no, yeah, don't!
09:35Me Chinese rod!
09:36Sit down!
09:38Nobody move!
09:40What is going on?
09:42You don't happen to know if your husband's got any automatic weapons in the house, do you?
09:46Of course he hasn't!
09:47Well, that's okay, then.
09:49We're going to die.
09:50We're going to die!
09:50Back door!
09:51I've got to block my back door!
09:54Well, somebody please tell me what's going on!
09:58Well,
09:58as far as I can tell,
10:01correct me if I'm wrong, Ben,
10:02but it seems that your husband has nicked three million quid from the Blue Kangaroo Casino in New South Wales.
10:08In November 1994?
10:10In November 1994!
10:12What?
10:16That's just preposterous!
10:17Well,
10:18that's what the policeman said.
10:20What policeman?
10:20Looks like we've got a hostage situation, sir.
10:26Just give me the facts.
10:27One male, possibly armed.
10:29How many hostages?
10:30His wife and five kids.
10:31Two of them is.
10:32What is going on?
10:44What is going on?
10:46Dennis,
10:47you've never been to Australia!
10:49Come out with your hands in the air,
10:51Mr. Sidesbottom.
10:53The house is surrounded.
10:54Anyone fancy some Battenberg?
11:03Just throw the gun out, Dennis.
11:06I repeat,
11:08throw the gun out!
11:09It's Dennis!
11:12It's Dennis!
11:39My dad's a villain!
11:46You went all the way to Australia!
11:50My dad's done a job!
11:52I think I might if I don't get out of here soon!
11:54How do you think we ended up in a house like this?
11:58I mean, look around you.
12:00Patricia,
12:00we have got a lifestyle.
12:02You do not get a lifestyle
12:04by sitting on your backside
12:06and daydreaming about winning the lottery.
12:08I really need to go!
12:11I think we should go in, sir.
12:13Not yet.
12:14Let him sweat it out a bit longer.
12:17Your mother never wanted you to marry me, did she?
12:24We've got to get out of here, I know!
12:27Go on, Hodges.
12:27No.
12:28You?
12:29I'm working a bit.
12:30Well, I showed her, didn't I?
12:32Yeah.
12:33Me and Charlie,
12:34we showed her.
12:35Your brother, Charlie?
12:36Yeah.
12:36You pull off the casino job with Uncle Charlie?
12:40I was working at the Blue Kangaroo.
12:42Sent me a postcard asking if I'd like to make a bit of dosh on her side.
12:45Wow!
12:46Shut up, you stupid boy!
12:48So,
12:48we did have a sort of a system after all.
12:51A couple of thousand quid borrowed from Charlie's bank account.
12:55A magnet underneath the roulette wheel.
12:56Well, it was a cinch.
12:59By the time the manager was on to us, we were 5,000 miles away.
13:04This is amazing.
13:05I said shut up!
13:07Excuse me.
13:08Isn't anyone good to answer the phone?
13:15Hello.
13:15Chief Inspector Higsworth here.
13:19I'd like a word with your husband, Mrs. Cybottom.
13:22Dennis,
13:23it's a Chief Inspector Higsworth he'd like a word.
13:25Tell him to go and take a running jump.
13:29Um,
13:29I'm sorry,
13:31Inspector.
13:32He can't come to the phone right now.
13:35Uh,
13:35yes.
13:36Uh,
13:36okay.
13:37I'll tell him that.
13:39Yes,
13:39I will.
13:41Uh,
13:41not at all.
13:45Bye-bye.
13:48Dennis!
13:49What?
13:50The Chief Inspector
13:52thought you might like to know
13:55that they found you
13:58because a woman
14:00who worked at the Blue Kangaroo
14:03spotted you on satellite news.
14:07How stupid can you get?
14:10The message.
14:11I've got the earlier message.
14:14They can't put me in prison.
14:17I'm the chosen one.
14:18Sad.
14:19Tragic.
14:21You!
14:22You've got the key.
14:23You're the part of the message.
14:24I don't think you want it,
14:25Mr. Cybottom.
14:26Oh,
14:26yes I do.
14:28They won't be able to touch me then.
14:33Dad,
14:33catch!
14:34When I give you the nod,
14:39you go to the loo,
14:40okay?
14:40It might be too late.
14:42Just go.
14:42Tell the police he isn't armed.
14:46There's nothing on it.
14:47I think this is what you want.
14:49What?
14:49What's the key to the code?
14:50Don't trust him, Dad.
14:51He's having you on.
14:52Oh,
14:52there's no harm in him.
14:53Those are the symbols on the stone.
15:03Yep.
15:04Now,
15:05all you have to do
15:06is turn the circles into zeros,
15:08the triangles into ones,
15:09and the squares into twos.
15:11This column would be
15:12O,
15:13one,
15:13one.
15:14Now,
15:15in base three,
15:16O,
15:16one,
15:16one equals four.
15:18Now,
15:19the fourth letter of the alphabet
15:20is D.
15:22So,
15:22O,
15:23one,
15:23one equals D.
15:28Er,
15:28excuse me,
15:29I need to go and have a wee,
15:31if that's all right with you.
15:32You stay where you are.
15:33I don't want him out of my sight.
15:35It is pretty urgent.
15:37I'm not having that boy
15:38wetting himself
15:39all over my furniture.
15:40Oh,
15:41okay,
15:42but no funny business,
15:43otherwise it's curtains for your pals.
15:45Understand?
15:46Yeah,
15:46absolutely.
15:47See you later.
15:48See you around.
15:50Hey,
15:52Dad,
15:52look.
15:53D,
15:53E,
15:54N,
15:56N,
15:57I,
15:59S.
16:01That's my name.
16:02It sure is.
16:04I really hope Barney knows what he's doing.
16:20B,
16:21B,
16:21O,
16:24T.
16:27Sidebottom!
16:29Yes!
16:30They knew my name!
16:32It was me that came to see.
16:33I knew it.
16:33I knew it.
16:34I am the chosen one.
16:38Yes!
16:40Come on,
16:40Jenks.
16:41Where are you?
16:42I'm going to die.
16:53I'm going to die.
16:54O,
16:54N,
16:59Isipon.
17:01That doesn't mean anything to me.
17:03Perhaps it's some kind of alien word.
17:05I don't believe this!
17:07Our lives are falling apart around our ears!
17:10And you're playing word games!
17:13Shh!
17:14Oh!
17:14Go on,
17:15try the next one.
17:16Go on.
17:16Uh-oh.
17:18What?
17:19Sorry about that.
17:21Thought I'd cracked it,
17:22but obviously I was wrong.
17:23What about the first bit?
17:25Fluke.
17:25Yep.
17:26Pure coincidence.
17:27The rest of it's just gibberish.
17:29Nah.
17:30Wait,
17:30I've got the hang of this.
17:31O,
17:36M,
17:39P,
17:41U,
17:44S,
17:46This is it.
17:48This is the end.
17:49We've had it.
18:01Stay here.
18:12Police!
18:13Listen,
18:14Sidebottom hasn't got a gun,
18:16but he has gone bonkers.
18:18Okay,
18:18you've done good.
18:20Now find yourself a quiet place to hide.
18:22Hide?
18:24Hide!
18:24Hide!
18:31Well,
18:37what's it say?
18:38I'm not sure.
18:39Come on!
18:40This thing's gonna get me out of here.
18:42Does it tell me how to get in touch with them,
18:44or are they gonna come and fetch me?
18:46Uh,
18:47Dad,
18:47you're not gonna like this.
18:48Just tell me!
18:50It says,
18:52Dennis Sidebottom
18:52is a pompous wassac.
18:54Be careful,
19:13Barney!
19:14Oh,
19:15what the heck?
19:16Let's go down for 40.
19:17What are you talking about?
19:21Sound familiar?
19:22That's the sound of the spacecraft.
19:29How did you manage to get hold of that?
19:30How amazing what you can do
19:31with a vacuum cleaner
19:32and a tape recorder.
19:33Not to mention a dry ice machine,
19:35a silver balloon
19:36and a few old car headlamps.
19:38And a mechanical penguin.
19:39Don't listen to them,
19:40Dad,
19:40they're lying.
19:41We didn't get where we are today
19:42by letting bossy grown-ups
19:44walk all over us,
19:45did we,
19:45Ben?
19:45No.
19:46And I must say,
19:47Mr Sidebottom,
19:48you fell for it brilliantly.
19:50But,
19:51but the message!
19:52Dennis Sidebottom
19:53is a pompous wassac.
19:54Nice touch,
19:55don't you think?
19:55We had it carved
19:56on a real piece of meteorite.
19:58It's a pity
19:58we never got the chance
19:59to go on telly
20:00and translate the code
20:00to everyone.
20:02You.
20:03Mind you,
20:04seeing as you're going
20:05to be banged up
20:05for the next 20 years or so,
20:08we could probably live
20:09with the disappointment.
20:10I'm gonna kill you.
20:15Everybody freeze!
20:17Everybody on the floor!
20:18Get down!
20:19Down!
20:20Down!
20:20Get out,
20:21Jenks.
20:22Yo!
20:24Dennis!
20:24Dennis!
20:25Dennis!
20:25Dennis!
20:25Dennis!
20:25I love you,
20:26Dennis!
20:26Dennis!
20:26You're on camera,
20:28mate!
20:28Look!
20:28Dennis!
20:29Dennis!
20:29Look!
20:29Dennis!
20:30Dennis!
20:30Perry Rogers!
20:31Perry Rogers!
20:31Perry Rogers!
20:32Join us!
20:32Join us!
20:33Come on!
20:33Dennis!
20:34Perry Rogers!
20:34Perry Rogers!
20:34Dayton Tableau!
20:35Six million!
20:35Join us!
20:36I love you,
20:37you little torrents!
20:38You slugs!
20:39I'll get you,
20:41you...
20:41Getty!
20:42All he'll get is a ten stretch
20:44at her majesty's pleasure.
20:45You all right?
21:00Yeah.
21:00Oh!
21:01You all right, then?
21:03Yeah, I'm fine.
21:04Bees are two extremely brave boys.
21:07You should be very proud of them.
21:08Hey!
21:09Where's Jinx?
21:10Excuse me?
21:11Is it safe to come out now?
21:15All right.
21:16But it's...
21:17...
21:18...
21:19...
21:20...
21:21...
21:23...
21:24...
21:25...
21:26...
21:27...
21:28...
21:29...
21:30...
21:31...
21:32...
21:33...
21:34...
21:35...
21:36...
21:37...
21:38...
21:39...
21:40...
21:42...
21:43...
21:44...
21:45...
21:46...
21:47...
21:49...
21:50...
21:51Hi.
21:52Hello.
21:53Are you...
21:54Is everything all right?
21:55Yes, fine.
21:56Yesterday was rather thrilling, wasn't it?
21:57Suppose so.
21:59You're moving then?
22:00Yes, but it's irrelevant to me.
22:01I've got a music scholarship,
22:03so I'm off to boarding school in September.
22:04That's lucky.
22:05And luck's got nothing to do with it.
22:10I knew he was a crook all along.
22:12You did?
22:13Of course.
22:14That's why we never went abroad for holidays.
22:16He didn't want Mum to see the Australian stamps and his passport.
22:19But I saw them.
22:20And I saw the statements from his Swiss bank account.
22:22I knew they'd catch up with him eventually.
22:24So, it was either win a scholarship or end up back in some horrible little flat with mould on the walls.
22:31Anyway, I'd better go and get some practising before they take the piano away.
22:35See you around.
22:38Weird, or what?
22:40Yeah.
22:42Probably should have let her in again.
22:44Hey, look!
22:48You still here?
22:49Well, I thought I'd try and get one last interview with Mrs Sidebottom.
22:51What, closer with the wife with tears running down her face?
22:54Never thought of going into TV journalism.
22:59Hey guys, guess what?
23:01Remember that escape gorilla in the papers a few weeks ago?
23:03Yeah?
23:04It's back.
23:05I've just seen it in Pottery Wood.
23:07It's huge!
23:08Wow!
23:09Can you show us where it is, this Pottery Wood?
23:11Yeah, it's about a ten minute drive.
23:12Right, Nina, let's go.
23:13Come on.
23:18Taking the long way round.
23:19Give me a chance to get into this.
23:21Hey!
23:22Are you coming or not?
23:23Coming.
23:26Yo!
23:43You.
23:44What do you think?
23:45You can be looking out for me.
23:46Your own job.
23:47You!
23:48I'm here.
23:49You need to go.
23:50See?
23:51Because I've been missing it.
23:52I'm here.
23:53I'm here.
23:54I'm here.
23:55Okay.
23:57I am.
23:58I am looking.
24:00You haven't seen it.
24:01I am?
24:02You're here.
24:04I am.
24:05You're here.
24:08I've been feeling it.
24:09You're like, my daughter.
24:10You're here today.
24:11You're here.
24:12You