Part 4 of 6 of the rarely repeated children's series. Ben orders a lump of moon rock as the gang's elaborate plan to get their own back on Sidebottom takes shape. Barney takes a slice of it to an engraver to carve strange coded symbols on it - now all they need to do is steal a giant mechanical penguin from the shopping centre. However, all this has to be done at midnight and not everything goes to plan, while someone is waiting for Ben when he heads back home...
I have Adam Adamant to thank for this series, which I am putting on here as I've noticed so many asking for it on Youtube. This is a great episode, as wacky as I recall it, and one that involves the farcical theft of a giant penguin - I kid you not!
I have Adam Adamant to thank for this series, which I am putting on here as I've noticed so many asking for it on Youtube. This is a great episode, as wacky as I recall it, and one that involves the farcical theft of a giant penguin - I kid you not!
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TVTranscript
00:00A boy needs to relax when he's under a lot of stress. I mean, last week, this happened.
00:20How did he kick any? Oh, please, don't insult my intelligence. I mean, it's not exactly the
00:27hardest thing in the world, following three idiots for half an hour. Yeah, but this is
00:31our place. Wrong. This is council property. You are squatting, and I could have you turfed
00:38out like that. Exquisite shot, sir. Thank you for your name. Well, no one infiltrates Agent
00:47Z's secret command centre, so we decided it was time to pull off our biggest stunt so far.
00:53With the help of a mechanical penguin, a helium balloon, and a lump of meteorite, Dennis
01:03Sidebottom was going to have a close encounter of an alien kind.
01:16Oh, I can't do it.
01:31Watch this.
01:53Good afternoon, Mr Sidebottom.
01:55You'll doubtless be gearing yourself up for the partial lunar eclipse at the end of the
02:02month.
02:03How do you know about that?
02:04Oh, I'm looking forward to it myself.
02:06Ah, Rosa Sinensis, if I'm not mistaken.
02:12Lovely flower.
02:15Well, must get on with my homework, TTFN.
02:25Good thing about my mum, as if she doesn't believe in dieting.
02:36Well?
02:37You want to split this with me?
02:39Wouldn't say no.
02:40Oh, thank goodness for that.
02:42I was starting to panic.
02:43She also makes a great sandwich.
02:46Ooh, pass will arrive for you this morning after you've gone.
02:49Where is it?
02:50Ah, now, where did I put it?
02:53Ah, well, it's here somewhere.
02:56Ooh, yes.
03:00Here you are.
03:03Now, there's probably a perfectly reasonable explanation.
03:07But why did you put it in the fridge?
03:10Because I didn't want to put it in the washing machine by accident.
03:13Who do you know in America?
03:16No-one.
03:17Er, her sort of pen friend.
03:19Where's Dad?
03:20In his shed.
03:21Where else?
03:22Thanks.
03:23Hello, Ben.
03:25Looks nice.
03:26Just a little snack before dinner.
03:28How's the piano coming along?
03:29All right.
03:30You, er, you had a crack at Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata yet?
03:31Do you like the moonlight?
03:32Ah, yes.
03:33The beautiful first movement.
03:34Mind you, I suppose the second's a bit fiddly for the right hand.
03:39Actually, the right hand's okay, but the moonlight's a bit naff.
03:40I prefer La Mauve.
03:41Don't you?
03:42La Mauve?
03:43Ah, yes.
03:44Don't you?
03:45La Mauve?
03:46Ah, yes, yes.
03:47Are you sure?
03:48Absolutely.
03:49La Mauve is French for snot.
03:50Oh, I didn't know Beethoven wrote a snot sonata.
03:51See ya.
03:52Can't win them all.
03:53Can't win them all.
03:54That's it!
03:55Well, seriously, you're not good.
03:56Gives you danger.
04:00Unfortunately, the right hand's okay, but the moonlight's a bit naff.
04:09I prefer La Mauve, don't you?
04:14La Mauve?
04:15Ah yes.
04:16Are you sure?
04:17Absolutely.
04:18La Mauve is French for snot.
04:20Hmm, that's better.
04:32Well, what is it?
04:33A piece of rock.
04:35Well, I gathered that much.
04:37Do you think you can cut it?
04:39I don't see why not.
04:41In half?
04:43Could you cut a slice?
04:46I'll have a go.
04:50Are you going to let me in on the secret, then, Ben?
04:53Oh, I'd love to, Dad, but I've sworn this sort of vow of silence.
04:58It's all part of the Code of Honour.
05:00You understand?
05:01No, not really.
05:03But then I am a grown-up.
05:06That means I only understand about mortgages and life insurance
05:09and personal pension plans.
05:12It happens to you around... 28.
05:15Your brain fossilises.
05:17It's sad, really.
05:20What are you up to?
05:22I'm just reshaping the flange.
05:24They'll give me better access to the anti-waffle toggles on the fountain pump.
05:27I'm sorry I asked.
05:29Well, I suppose you won't be wanting any dinner, then?
05:32Yeah, that won't be long.
05:3415 minutes?
05:35Great.
05:36OK.
05:40Am I going to regret this, Ben?
05:42You can't regret being a star, Dad.
05:44Stand back.
05:54Is that it?
05:55That's it?
05:56Genuine meteorite?
05:57Don't get much for your money, do you?
05:59Well, this is only a slice.
06:00I've got the rest at home.
06:01Right.
06:02To business.
06:02How are we going to turn the phrase,
06:05Dennis Sybottom is a pompous wassock, into a fiendish alien code?
06:10We could turn the letters into numbers.
06:12Good idea.
06:13Yeah, so like, A becomes 1, B becomes 2, V becomes C...
06:17Hold it.
06:17Hold it.
06:17What?
06:18There are two reasons why that wouldn't work.
06:20Only two?
06:21One, that must be the easiest code in the history of human civilisation.
06:25And two, the chances of an alien race using numbers 1, 2, 3 and 4
06:30are about the same as them having a football team called Accredite and Stanley.
06:34Hang on.
06:36How about we turn the letters into numbers, like Cenk said?
06:38I told you, that's the most obvious.
06:39But we do it in base 2.
06:43So 1 becomes 1, 2 becomes 1, 0, 3 becomes 1, 1 and so on.
06:49Now that's not a bad idea.
06:50And base 2's really groovy, because all you've got is 1s and 0s.
06:53So you can write them as dashes and dots.
06:57And base 2's what computers use, right?
06:59So it makes it really interplanetary and stuff.
07:01You've lost me.
07:03It's a nice idea, but it's still a bit straightforward.
07:06How about we made it base 3?
07:08You've completely lost me.
07:10All we'd have is 2s, 1s and 0s,
07:12and we can write them as squares, triangles and circles.
07:15Barney.
07:16What?
07:18You've lost me too.
07:19Just do it, okay?
07:20It's as good as done.
07:21You were in a few weeks ago.
07:44And you've got a good memory.
07:45I never forget a stupid message.
07:48Just a minute.
07:51Breeze Block Detention Medal, winner Ben Simpson.
07:55I'm impressed.
07:56Told you.
07:57So what's it to be this time?
07:59Now let me guess.
08:01Breeze Block Caning Endurance Medal.
08:05Caning's illegal.
08:06Yes, more's the pity.
08:08Never did me any harm.
08:09I reckon that's what's wrong with society today, you know.
08:14Really?
08:15Oh, yeah.
08:18Ready?
08:19Ready.
08:26You've got to teach young people discipline.
08:30Otherwise, where shall we all end up?
08:32I'll tell you where.
08:33I'll end up with it.
08:33I would love to stay here and chat about the pros and cons of corporal punishment, but
08:37I am in a bit of a rush.
08:38Oh, right.
08:40So what do you want this time?
08:42Can you engrave this onto this?
08:47What is it?
08:48It's a Sumerian tomb inscription from 3400 BC.
08:52Oh, yeah.
08:53It was found on the sarcophagus of King Tutankham Hockwash III.
08:57We're doing a history project.
08:58All right, all right, all right.
08:59Don't blind me with science.
09:02Give me a couple of days, okay?
09:04Great.
09:10Do you reckon we've got enough?
09:16What?
09:17Do you reckon we've got enough?
09:20Right.
09:21Are we agreed that it would be both foolhardy and against the agency's code of honour to borrow
09:25someone else's penguin for longer than 48 hours?
09:28Agreed.
09:29Good.
09:30I therefore designate tomorrow, Friday, as grab a penguin night.
09:34That gives us two chances to mount Operation Alien before the penguin goes back on Monday.
09:39Any questions?
09:40Right.
09:41Now, the bad news is the shopping centre's got 24-hour security.
09:44The good news is it's only a skeleton staff.
09:47Skellingtons?
09:48Two blokes.
09:49Only one honour to time.
09:50I'll go over there tonight and work out when the guys swap over.
09:53Ben, your assignment is to come up with the decoy.
09:55What's my assignment?
09:57Rake out your old cock and give it an MOT.
09:59We're going to need it.
10:00Right.
10:01Okay, men.
10:01Let's get to work.
10:09Water pressure's got to be between 0.1 and 1.2.
10:13Okay.
10:13Who have we here?
10:14This is Mr Mednick, doctor.
10:15He's suffering from severe neurogenic shock.
10:18You're very quiet tonight, Ben.
10:20You haven't had any more trouble from Dennis, have you?
10:25Oh, no, no.
10:26Stupid man.
10:27It's a lot of fuss about nothing.
10:29Yeah.
10:30Do we know what caused the shock?
10:32The poor man was stuck down a drain for nine hours.
10:35Down a drain?
10:36Don't you?
10:36Don't you?
10:37Don't you?
10:37Don't you?
10:38Isn't television wonderful?
10:39Help! Get me out!
10:45Ben? Ben, are you all right?
10:50Fine, thanks. Night.
10:53Yeah, night.
10:56Yeah, night.
11:11Your breakfast, sir.
11:14Put it on the side, would you give me?
11:17Certainly, sir.
11:21I took the liberty of adding extra malt to your double chocolate shake.
11:25Yum, yum.
11:27And the chips are liberally salted and vinegared.
11:30Splendid.
11:31Would you take the Aston Martin out of the garage, please, Finley?
11:34I'm off on an assignment today.
11:36Which Aston, sir? The Vantage or the Virage?
11:40Better make it the Vantage.
11:42Yes, I'm in a Vantage mood this morning.
11:44Very good, sir.
11:46By the way, sir, I've got a bladder the size of a football ball.
11:51I beg your pardon?
11:53My bladder is about to burst.
11:56So, please, Ben, I beg you, get out of the bathroom!
12:01Sorry, Dad.
12:03Brilliant.
12:04Fantastic.
12:05It's quite even better than I expected.
12:07This doesn't fall down the side-bottom? Nothing will.
12:10Now, everyone's set for tonight?
12:11Yep.
12:12Good.
12:13The security guards change every hour on the hour.
12:15Meet outside the west entrance to the shopping centre at 23.50.
12:18Right.
12:19Don't forget the bike's in the trailer.
12:20We won't.
12:21I'll bring the coat, you bring the baseball cap, and Ben, have you come up with the decoy?
12:24Yep.
12:25Good man.
12:26What's 23.50?
12:27Ten to midnight.
12:28Why didn't you say so?
12:32We'll take clean.
12:33I'll take clean.
12:46Kinda.
12:47Okay.
12:48Okay, g7en?
12:49We out here.
12:50Aalan and T.50 G3 jar in spare time.
12:51Where is he?
13:06He'll be here.
13:07He better be.
13:15Sorry, I had to change the tire on my bike.
13:17Where did you leave it?
13:17Over there with the others.
13:19Good.
13:19Right.
13:20This is the plan.
13:21We wait for the first guard to clock off.
13:23And as soon as he disappears, you two go for the penguin.
13:25Right?
13:26Right.
13:26Now, we may not have much time till the next guard starts to shift.
13:29Maybe five minutes.
13:32If we have got the penguin by then,
13:34Barnard's going to set off a decoy while we carry on.
13:37You know what to do?
13:37Yep.
13:38OK, what's the time now?
13:4023, 50, 50...
13:43Minute to midnight.
13:44OK, let's go.
13:45OK, let's go.
13:57See you next time.
14:06OK.
14:07What do you want me to do?
14:12What do you want me to do?
14:14This one.
14:33Come on!
14:34One minute.
14:37Hurry up!
14:42He's early.
14:43Decoy, go!
14:51Help!
14:52Help get me out!
14:54We've been here for ages!
14:56Please, somebody help!
14:58There's rats everywhere!
15:00Please, help!
15:01Hello? Can you hear me?
15:02Please, someone!
15:03Oi, what's going on?
15:04Quick!
15:05There's someone stuck down the drain!
15:06What?
15:07Please, somebody help!
15:09Down here!
15:10Help!
15:11Get me out!
15:12I can't shed this last one.
15:17It's all painted over.
15:19Let me have a go.
15:20Help!
15:21Help!
15:22Help!
15:23Get me out!
15:24Please help!
15:25Help!
15:26Help!
15:27Get me out!
15:28Sounds like a kid to me.
15:29Oh, it doesn't matter how old he is.
15:31We've got to get him out.
15:33Anyway, what are you doing out this time of night?
15:36Er, jogging.
15:37Look, can't you go and get a rope or something?
15:39Help!
15:40Help!
15:41Help!
15:42Help!
15:43Help!
15:44Help!
15:45Help!
15:46Help!
15:47Help!
15:48Get me out!
15:49I think we should just cut our losses and get out of here.
15:52What about Barney?
15:53He knows what to do.
15:54We'll meet him by the bikes.
15:55Stand back.
15:56What are you going to do?
15:57Let's get over there.
15:58No!
15:59No!
16:00No.
16:01No!
16:06No!
16:19No!
16:21No!
16:23No!
16:24God, no!
16:33Come on, squad!
16:34Quick, the guard's coming! We've got to go!
16:37Flay, come on! Just a minute!
16:45Is anybody still down there?
16:48Hello?
16:50Hello?
16:54OK, let's go.
17:04I can't believe you locked your bike.
17:07Well, you can't be too careful these days.
17:14Oh!
17:24Dad!
17:28Yeah?
17:30Dad?
17:32Nice of you to drop in.
17:34You see, the thing is...
17:35Listen.
17:36Before you start talking about vows of silence, lad, I ought to point out that I've signed the parents' code of honour, which states quite clearly, and I quote,
17:49When your son disappears for three hours in the middle of the night without any explanation whatsoever, it is extremely important to find out what on earth he's been doing.
18:03Would you like me to think of an explanation?
18:04No, Ben. I'd like the truth. You see, I don't want to find myself in a juvenile court in six months' time, listening to some social worker explaining why me and your mum aren't fit parents because we haven't got a faintest clue where our idiot son's been.
18:13Understand?
18:15Yeah.
18:16So, I want an explanation.
18:18In the morning?
18:19Now.
18:21This is it.
18:23I can't lie to Dad.
18:24we haven't got a faintest clue where our idiot son's been. Understand?
18:29Yeah.
18:30So, I want an explanation.
18:33In the morning?
18:35Now.
18:37This is it.
18:40I can't lie to Dad.
18:42It'd be like...
18:45like lying to Dad.
18:48Forgive me, Agent Z.
18:51Now, me, Bonnie and Jinx are the Crane Grove gang.
18:56And we do sort of stunts.
18:59Stunts?
19:07Gone fishy.
19:09Back soon.
19:11Honest.
19:13And if we pull it off, Dennis is going to look really stupid.
19:17And we're going to hit the headlines.
19:20Do you know, sometimes I hate being a grown-up.
19:23What?
19:25Well, according to the Parents' Code of Honour, I ought to tear you off a strip now.
19:29Make you take that penguin straight back.
19:32Force you to stay in every night and stop your pocket money.
19:35The only thing is, it's brilliant.
19:39What?
19:41But that's no excuse.
19:42Oh, no.
19:43Right.
19:44We'll put the penguin back.
19:45Too right you will.
19:47First thing Monday.
19:49What?
19:50But if the poo hits the fanboy, I know nothing.
19:54All right?
19:55You haven't told me any of this.
19:57Not a dickybird.
19:58Understand?
19:59Because if your mum finds out, I'll be mincemeat.
20:02I promise.
20:03It's brilliant.
20:04It's absolutely brilliant.
20:06I almost feel sorry for poor old Dennis.
20:09I don't.
20:10Oh, neither do I really.
20:12All right?
20:13What's going on?
20:16And we're disturbed.
20:18What's that word they use these days, Ben?
20:20Bonding.
20:21Bonding.
20:22Bonding.
20:23Yeah, that's right.
20:24You're up to something, aren't you?
20:26Yep.
20:27I don't know which of you is the biggest kid.
20:34Brilliant.
20:38Sport now.
20:39And last night, Newcastle United went to the top of the FA Carling Premiership.
20:43They beat Sheffield Wednesday 2-0 at Hillsborough.
20:46The first goal was scored by Frenchman David Shinola, one of the club's pre-season signings.
20:52Well, now over to the weather studio for a look at the weekend weather.
20:56Thank you, Sue.
20:57Well, it's good news if you're a fisherman.
21:00Rain, rain and more rain.
21:03At least for the next 12 hours.
21:05Possibly a lot longer.
21:07Which is bad news if you're planning any big practical jokes or wacky stunts.
21:13Ben!
21:15I hope you wouldn't do that if you were eating with the Queen.
21:17Sorry.
21:19Oh, dear.
21:22It's just in time.
21:23It's horrible out there.
21:24What if it rains all weekend?
21:25Then we're in deep water.
21:26Get him?
21:27Jenks is right.
21:28I'm not sure.
21:29It's just in time.
21:30It's horrible out there.
21:31What if it rains all weekend?
21:32Then we're in deep water.
21:33Get him?
21:34Jenks is right.
21:35If the weather's like this, we'll have to postpone.
21:36We can't postpone.
21:37We can't postpone.
21:38The Penguin's got to be back on the ice flow by Monday.
21:39Have you got the cloak?
21:40Yeah.
21:41Have you got the cloak?
21:42Yeah.
21:43Well, that's good.
21:44Yeah.
21:45How'd you get it on?
21:46Just around the back.
21:47Under here.
21:48A lot of work went into this.
21:49Well, if the job's worth doing.
21:50It's worth doing well.
21:51It's worth doing well.
21:52Let's get it on.
21:53Oh, what if it rains all weekend?
21:54It's horrible out there.
21:55What if it rains all weekend?
21:56Then we're in deep water.
21:57Get him?
21:58Jenks is right.
21:59If the weather's like this, we'll have to postpone.
22:00We can't postpone.
22:01The Penguin's got to be back on the ice flow by Monday.
22:02Have you got the cloak?
22:03Yeah.
22:04Well, that's good.
22:05Yeah.
22:06Well.
22:07How'd you get it on?
22:08Just around the back.
22:10Under here.
22:11A lot of work went into this.
22:13Well, if the job's worth doing.
22:15It's worth doing well.
22:21When this comes looming out of smoke, I reckon Cyburn won't get off the lab for a week.
22:26Okay.
22:27I think we're ready for a test run.
22:31Lights.
22:38And action.
22:39Ha-ha!
22:41Hey-hey!
22:42Gentlemen, we have liftoff.
22:44Yo!
22:45Ha-ha, yes!
22:47Ha-ha.
22:48Ha-ha, yes!
22:49To love it, to love it, to love it, to love it.
23:19To love it, to love it, to love it.