Part 1 of 6 of the 1996 children's series. Ben Simpson is a schoolboy with a vivid imagination, which is handy when you live on a dull street like Crane Grove where nothing ever happens. He is part of a gang, along with friends Barney and Jenks, that creates pranks under the code name Agent Z just to liven things up. Then one day a mysterious new family called the Sidebottoms move next door with two teenage children, and Ben soon falls for their daughter Samantha. And when he learns that the family have apparently won £3 million on the Lottery, his pals ask him to befriend their somewhat nerdy son Tod to be part of their gang, not realizing that Tod is not quite as he seems.
I've noticed a number of comments on Youtube asking for this series, so I thought I would try and upload it on here. This is not my own find, but that of a friend who has allowed me to upload a few of his stuff, so you have him to thank for this. I remember this when it was originally broadcast way back in January 1996 and recall it as a madcap wacky series. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.
I've noticed a number of comments on Youtube asking for this series, so I thought I would try and upload it on here. This is not my own find, but that of a friend who has allowed me to upload a few of his stuff, so you have him to thank for this. I remember this when it was originally broadcast way back in January 1996 and recall it as a madcap wacky series. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.
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TVTranscript
00:00So, that's the way you're on a plane.
00:12Come forward and I will smite you with the mighty sword of Oswell.
00:18Reveal yourself, you snivelling coward.
00:24I said reveal yourself.
00:26Good morning, sir.
00:28Ah, morning, Finley.
00:31Your breakfast, sir.
00:33Splendid.
00:34Hot chocolate and chip butty, sir.
00:37Are there marshmallows in the hot chocolate?
00:40Marshmallows and whipped cream, sir.
00:42It's dangerously high in cholesterol.
00:45Excellent.
00:46And what's in the diary for today?
00:48Absolutely nothing, sir, as ever.
00:51Even more excellent.
00:52As sir says.
00:53Sir might like to know that sir's trainers, black jeans and holographic Tyrannosaurus Rex T-shirt are laid out on the bed, ready for sir to wear.
01:03Rule.
01:05What's that dreadful noise?
01:07I'll investigate forthwith.
01:10Are you ever going to get out of that bath, Ben?
01:13He's supposed to call me sir.
01:15It's in the contract, Finley.
01:17What contract?
01:18What?
01:19And who's Finley?
01:20Er, it's a long story.
01:22Yeah, well, look, you've been in here for three quarters of an hour, Ben.
01:24Sorry.
01:25Never mind, sorry.
01:26Just got to move on before my bladder bursts.
01:29Yeah, right.
01:31Dad?
01:31Yes.
01:33What would you do if you were seriously rich?
01:36I'd build a second bathroom so that your mother and I could use the lavatory occasionally.
01:40Now hurry up!
01:44It was just another normal Saturday morning in the Simpson household.
01:47You know, that sort of thing.
01:49Get up, have a bath, watch Saturday morning, tell you while you eat your breakfast.
01:53Completely normal.
01:55Funny how things start.
02:01Funny how things start.
02:31Give me a non-crushing clamp.
02:45I hope you didn't have anything planned for tonight.
02:48Nothing I can't cancel.
02:49Is it bad?
02:51Well, I don't think this man is going bungee jumping again.
02:54Not for a very long time.
02:57His wife's waiting outside.
02:58Mum, did you know that sharks can't stop or turn quickly?
03:03Oh, yeah.
03:04It's worth knowing.
03:06Well, not if you're studying A-level history, it's not.
03:09What's happening?
03:10He's going into a haemostatic seizure.
03:12We need more blood and fast.
03:13I don't believe this.
03:36And if you need to be sick, sharks can smell it.
03:43So, the best thing to do is throw your mum as far away from yourself as possible.
03:47I'll bear that in mind.
03:49I'm going to be straight with you, Mr. Hanks.
03:52I'm afraid...
03:53How do you know you can do your homework in front of the telly when I'm not allowed to?
03:56Because I have a truly vast and powerful brain.
04:00Did you know that James I's tongue was too big for his mouth?
04:04So, he used to dribble all the time.
04:06All I can do now is save your life.
04:09Pass me the limbsore.
04:10Want some cake?
04:19Oh, no thanks.
04:21Oh, stay, Badger.
04:23Oh, good boy.
04:24I'll go.
04:25Thanks.
04:29Badger, get back.
04:37Yes, ladies and gentlemen.
04:38It's time to play Boring Families.
04:47We are your new neighbours.
04:49I am Dennis Sidebottom.
04:50This is my wife, Patricia.
04:52Pleased to meet you.
04:53And our children, Todd.
04:55And where's Samantha?
04:56Here I am.
04:57Ah.
04:59Hi.
05:06And you are?
05:08Ben.
05:09Pleased to meet you, Ben.
05:15Lively little chap, isn't he?
05:16Good old.
05:21He's only playing.
05:22Of course he is, eh?
05:24Aren't you?
05:24He's as daft as a brush.
05:26I'll get Mum.
05:29Honestly, Patricia, look at the state of these trousers.
05:31Don't fuss, Dennis.
05:33Don't fuss, Dennis.
05:33Come on.
05:38Don't just leave them standing on the doorstep.
05:41Invite them in.
05:43Get in.
05:45Get in.
05:46You must excuse the mess.
05:56What, um, an interesting room.
05:59Oh, please, sit down.
06:09Ben.
06:10Kettle?
06:11Please, and call your dad.
06:13My husband's in the garden.
06:15Oh, we don't want to impose.
06:17Not at all.
06:19We just thought we'd come and introduce ourselves.
06:21Welcome to Crane Grove.
06:31What's with the posh china?
06:33New neighbours.
06:34Oh, yeah.
06:35Not instant coffee types, then?
06:38I don't think so.
06:39Might better get cleaned up, if I'm going to make a good impression.
06:42I wouldn't bother.
06:44The side bottoms are out of our league.
06:46Side bottoms?
06:47You're kidding, aren't you?
06:49Now, you sure you don't mean long bottom?
06:52Or shuffle bottom?
06:53No.
06:55It's side bottom.
06:58Dennis side bottom.
07:01You must be Trevor.
07:03Yeah, Trevor.
07:04Um, how do you do?
07:07Ah, a bit of a do-it-yourself, right?
07:09Yeah, yeah, a bit.
07:10Well, that's a spirit.
07:12If you want a job doing well, you have to do it yourself these days, don't you?
07:15Yeah, right.
07:18Would you like to, um...
07:20Oh.
07:21Have you come far?
07:24Er, Birmingham, Lee.
07:26Oh, that's a bit of a haul.
07:27Yeah, but it gave me a chance to run in the new car.
07:30Lovely machine.
07:31Yeah, I saw it on the drive.
07:33Top of the range.
07:34All the extras.
07:35Top of the range.
07:41All the extras.
07:42You must be loaded.
07:43I'm glad Ben and Todd are the same age.
07:46I'm sure they'll have lots in common.
07:49Adults.
07:50They've got no idea.
07:51There we are.
07:52There we are.
08:02So, what do you do then, Mr Shuff?
08:06Dennis.
08:06I work for Tesbury's.
08:09I'm a van driver.
08:10But you're far too rich to be a van driver, Mr Sidebottom.
08:13Ben.
08:13Bright young boy you've got here, eh?
08:16Aren't you, you young scamp?
08:18Yes.
08:18I like a lad who speaks his mind.
08:20I think you'd better tell them, Dennis.
08:24Yes, well, you're bound to find out sooner or later.
08:26You see, the thing is, I won the lottery.
08:29Oh.
08:30How much?
08:31Ben.
08:31Three million pounds.
08:34Wow.
08:34Struth.
08:35What?
08:36Ben.
08:37He's got a system, you see.
08:39Really?
08:40Bit of a brain box, my Dennis.
08:44Maybe I could become friendly with Todd.
08:47Gary Baldy.
08:48You see, most people, when they win a lot of money, they go crazy.
08:52Holidays in the Caribbean, luxury houses, fast cars.
08:57And six months later, it's all gone.
08:59Well, we decided that that is not going to happen to us.
09:03That's right.
09:04We wear good clothes, we've got a good car, we eat well.
09:08But nothing flashy, nothing excessive.
09:11Quality.
09:12That's my motto.
09:13Quality.
09:14That's Dennis' motto.
09:15We're still going to take the caravan to Bridlington every summer.
09:19We're just the same, down-to-earth, level-headed family that we always were.
09:23This must be the most boring millionaire I have ever met.
09:30Mind you, what would I do with three million quid?
09:40Ladies and gentlemen, I've prepared a short statement concerning the three million quid I've just won.
09:45Firstly, I'm donating half of it to a charity of my choice.
09:53The other half is going to buy me some Brazilian rainforest, which I intend to save for the good of mankind.
09:59Well, we mustn't take up any more of your time.
10:09The children have got their music practice.
10:12Oh, what do you play?
10:13I play the piano.
10:14And what about you, Todd?
10:15You do too, don't you, Todd?
10:17A bit.
10:18Well, it's been lovely meeting you.
10:23Do pop in for tea sometime.
10:26Now, you stay where you are.
10:28We'll show ourselves out.
10:29No, no, I'll show you out.
10:32Bye-bye.
10:34Bye.
10:34Tea together.
10:35All right, yes.
10:36You've got to realise there's more to life than two legs.
10:50Quality is mine, isn't it?
10:53Bombaswazzard.
10:56I don't know.
10:57I wouldn't mind hearing a bit more about this system.
11:00Don't even think about it.
11:02See you later.
11:03You can run, but you can't hide.
11:04We'll have you back on your feet in no time.
11:34LAUGHTER
11:37BAAAW Кон쇼
11:39Warning
11:44Al F Kiirka
11:52BAAAW
11:54BAAAW
11:55BAAAW
11:57BAAAW
11:58SI
11:59BAAAPM
12:00Patrol craft, held alongside and tracked the beam.
12:15Identification requested.
12:16Captain Simpson, planet Terra.
12:18Permission to board.
12:20Password?
12:21Chicken nuggets.
12:22Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch.
12:24Affirm.
12:26Ssssss.
12:29Airlock decompressed.
12:30Engage.
12:31Mana transport warp.
12:33Sir.
12:33Sorry.
12:39Engaged.
12:41Oh, come on, Ben, you're meant to wobble.
12:43You're in the matter-thing-a-me-doodle-what-sit.
12:47Disengage.
12:49Airlock pressurized to cabin level.
12:53Enter.
12:54Reach.
13:03Yo!
13:04Come at the command center.
13:05We've got something totally awesome to show you.
13:10Come on, Badger.
13:15Wait till you see this.
13:16What's he up to?
13:21You'll see.
13:27Perhaps I'd better explain.
13:29These are my friends, Barney and Jakes.
13:33And the three of us are the Crane Grove gang.
13:37Why Crane Grove?
13:38Because I live in Crane Grove, and it was my idea.
13:41And here it is, 36 Crane Grove.
13:46It's a well-known fact that Crane Grove is the most boring street in the whole of the United Kingdom.
13:52If it wasn't for our secret, we'd go completely round the bend.
13:56These are our secret headquarters.
14:00Our objective, to carry out a string of cunning, undetectable, practical jokes under the codename Agent Z.
14:09Ta-da!
14:11Why do I feel that Agent Z is about to spring into life?
14:14What do you reckon?
14:15It's seriously excellent.
14:17Where'd you get it?
14:18For a friend of Mum's at the Operatic Society.
14:20Only cost me ten quid.
14:21Wait till you see the walk.
14:23It's completely brilliant.
14:24Go on.
14:25Oh, get off!
14:36No, this is what they do.
14:37I've been watching Dad's Life on Earth videos.
14:40Get off!
14:44Now, here's the plan.
14:45We start off with a couple of appearances at night.
14:49We go down to the park.
14:50On the other hand, I could buy a top-of-the-range Mega Drive.
14:54Or some rollerblades.
14:57And some rollerblades.
14:58What do you reckon?
15:01Ben!
15:02He hasn't heard a word you've said.
15:04Ben!
15:05What do you reckon?
15:06Three million quid.
15:07What?
15:08I think he's finding a flip.
15:09What would you do with three million quid?
15:11Er, lose it, probably.
15:12Hello, anyone in there?
15:14Oh, the new neighbours moved in yesterday.
15:17They're called the Sidebottoms.
15:19And have they got...
15:20No, Jenks.
15:20Their bottoms are in the usual place.
15:22Oh.
15:23They've got two kids, Todd and Samantha.
15:25Todd's about our age.
15:27Well?
15:28Well, what?
15:29Yeah, what's so special about the Sidebombs?
15:31Mr Sidebottom won three million pounds on the lottery last year.
15:37Colden Bennett!
15:38We've got to get Todd into the gang.
15:41Get him to buy us a telly, laser guns, spades and planks so we can dig a tunnel out into the park.
15:45Matching mountain bikes and a camcorder to force us and...
15:47Yeah, yeah, okay, Jenks.
15:48I think we get the idea.
15:50Ben, your mission, should you wish to accept it, is to suss out the sidebomb kid.
15:55Todd.
15:56Todd.
15:57Is he safe?
15:58Can he be trusted?
15:59Is he a to-get the kind of guy?
16:01Like us.
16:02Like us?
16:03Or is he a complete nerd?
16:06Mission accepted.
16:08Ben!
16:16What a nice surprise.
16:18Hello, Mrs Sidebottom.
16:20And what can I do for you?
16:22I was wondering where the Todd was in.
16:25Todd!
16:27Come in, dear.
16:28Come in.
16:29Make yourself comfortable.
16:48He'll be down in a sec.
16:49I don't know what you want to be friends with him for.
17:01What?
17:01I mean, why?
17:03You'll find out.
17:05Now, I'm the person you really want to be friends with.
17:08Yeah?
17:09Yeah.
17:10I'm a much better bet.
17:12Well, maybe we could...
17:16Oh.
17:17Ah.
17:18You don't have to make excuses.
17:23I mean, I'm a girl and I wear flowery dresses and stuff.
17:27So you probably wouldn't want to be seen dead being friends with me.
17:29Would you?
17:30Well, I don't think...
17:33Well, well, well.
17:35If it is now a young neighbour...
17:36Hello, Mr Sidebottom.
17:38Is Samantha entertaining you all right?
17:39Oh, yes.
17:40She's very entertaining.
17:42Good, good.
17:45Interested in the heavens, are you?
17:47Well, I am...
17:48Once I've got things sorted out in the garden, you must come over.
17:51And I'll take you on a guided tour of the universe.
17:55Oh, I look forward to it.
17:58Jelly good.
17:58Well, Abyssinia.
18:02TTFN.
18:07I blame the grandparents.
18:11Oh, hi, Todd.
18:14You'd better come up.
18:24So, uh, how are things?
18:27OK.
18:28Settling in all right?
18:30I suppose.
18:32Nice big room.
18:34CD-ROM.
18:36Got any good games?
18:37Some.
18:39So you got your own telly, then?
18:41Yeah.
18:41On a video.
18:43So?
18:43No, no, I was just...
18:46So...
18:47How much pocket money did you get?
18:49Typical.
18:49Absolutely typical.
18:50I was wondering how long it would take you.
18:52Sorry, I didn't mean to.
18:53That's all anyone ever wants to know about.
18:55Money.
18:55Sorry, I really am.
18:57Yeah, yeah.
18:58Really?
18:59A pond scum.
19:01All right?
19:01I know.
19:05Who ever nicked anything from a shop?
19:07What?
19:08We've got you banked the rights, my old son.
19:11This will teach you for nicking rubber finger monsters.
19:14But I took them back.
19:15You're looking at 25 to life, sunshine.
19:18Night-night.
19:21Well, have you?
19:22What, me?
19:23Oh, no, not really.
19:24What about chucking a stone through someone's window?
19:27Putting super glue on bus seats?
19:29Chewing gum in people's locks?
19:30Me and my friends did put some clean foam over the toilet seats in the boys' loo at school.
19:35Brilliant.
19:36You could be just the sort of friend I'm looking for.
19:39You haven't got a camcorder by any chance, have you?
19:44Hiya.
19:45Barney phoned.
19:47I have what I say.
19:48Well, it was a rather short cryptic message.
19:50Two words, in fact.
19:52It's tonight.
19:54Man, a few words, your friend.
19:55Oh, yeah.
19:56And I suppose you know what it means?
19:58Of course, yeah.
19:59But I'd better make some sandwiches, though.
20:03On one condition.
20:05Promise me that you're not going to land up in a police station or a hospital at the end of the evening.
20:09I promise.
20:12But I might end up on the front page of the Chronicle.
20:15If I was a sensible mum, I'd lock you in your bedroom.
20:18Yeah, but you'd hate being sensible, wouldn't you?
20:20See you later, alligator.
20:21In a while, crocodile.
20:26I've got a good feeling about this one, boys.
20:34Time to swear the Agent Zed code of honour.
20:40The work of Agent Zed is secret.
20:43Agent Zed is bigger than any one of us.
20:46We swear to remain silent if captured or tortured.
20:49Yo!
20:50Right, let's get down to business.
20:52Well, that's kids for you.
20:56I mean, Ben's out now.
20:58Goodness knows where.
21:00You do what you can.
21:02I try not to worry.
21:04Well, I just hope he doesn't do anything silly.
21:06That's the good news.
21:08The bad news is, Bobby may never play the drums again.
21:13Oh, no!
21:14Are you all right?
21:19What's the new neighbour like, then?
21:21Todd.
21:28Don't mess with me, kid.
21:30I'm dangerous.
21:32I think he's misunderstood.
21:35Are we on?
21:37Sorry, chaps.
21:38Got to go to the loo myself.
21:39Is that a good idea?
21:40Yeah.
21:44Oh, great.
22:04That's blown it.
22:06OK, OK.
22:07It's a little weird how time can seem to stand still.
22:25Yes!
22:26Hey, watch it!
22:41Get off!
22:44Get off!
22:51Ouch!
22:51It got me!
23:04That bloomin' dog bit me!
23:06That was brilliant!
23:07Regent says strikes again!
23:08Shh!
23:08Shh!
23:09Yo!
23:10Oh!
23:10Oh!
23:11Oh!
23:11Oh!
23:12Oh!
23:12Oh!
23:12Oh!
23:13Oh!
23:13Oh!
23:14Oh!
23:14Oh!
23:15Oh!
23:15Oh!
23:16Oh!
23:16Oh!
23:17Oh!
23:17Oh!
23:18Oh!
23:18Oh!
23:19Oh!
23:19Oh!
23:20Oh!
23:20Oh!
23:21Oh!
23:21Oh!
23:22Oh!
23:23Oh!
23:24Oh!
23:25Oh!
23:26Oh!
23:27Oh!
23:28Oh!
23:29Oh!
23:30Oh!
23:31Oh!
23:32Oh!
23:33Oh!
23:34Oh!
23:35Oh!
23:36Oh!
23:37Oh!
23:38Oh!
23:39Oh!
23:40Oh!
23:41Oh!
23:42Oh!
23:43Oh!
23:44Oh!
23:45Oh!
23:46Oh!
23:47Oh!
23:48Oh!
23:49Oh!
23:50Oh! Oh!
23:51You