Part 3 of 6 of the rarely repeated children's series. Ben is warned off by Mr Sidebottom after the shoplifting incident, and later Sidebottom turns up at their derelict house hideaway to threaten the gang off from associating with his son again, revealing he knows about their gorilla pranks. Livid at being threatened by Sidebottom, the three pals decide to get their own back on him, but need a elaborate plan to humiliate him. And when Ben learns of Sidebottom's alien obsession and nocturnal telescope sessions at home an idea begins to form for revenge - one involving a giant mechanical penguin...
I remember this as a wacky and fun series when it was first broadcast in January 1996, which surprisingly has never been repeated since. While it is yet to hit the madcap capers with the penguin - that comes in the next episode - I love the in jokes with the casting. Casualty's Cathy Shipton obsessed with a medical soap, Ian Sharrock recalling a prank involving a sheep (don't worry, this is a kid's show, so nothing dubious), while it even features Michael Sheard - Grange Hill's Mr Bronson - as an engraver lamenting the removal of corporal punishment in schools. Wonderful. Enjoy.
I remember this as a wacky and fun series when it was first broadcast in January 1996, which surprisingly has never been repeated since. While it is yet to hit the madcap capers with the penguin - that comes in the next episode - I love the in jokes with the casting. Casualty's Cathy Shipton obsessed with a medical soap, Ian Sharrock recalling a prank involving a sheep (don't worry, this is a kid's show, so nothing dubious), while it even features Michael Sheard - Grange Hill's Mr Bronson - as an engraver lamenting the removal of corporal punishment in schools. Wonderful. Enjoy.
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TVTranscript
00:00Well, hello. I like to keep in trim while checking up on the old investments.
00:19Your comics, sir.
00:21Thank you, Finlay.
00:23Where was I?
00:25Oh, yeah. Last week was a bit eventful.
00:27I got nicked with that twonk, Todd.
00:30For stealing Dolly Parton CDs.
00:33What's going on?
00:34Move it.
00:35You nicked them.
00:35Of course I nicked them, stupid. Now, come on.
00:37You can't just nick.
00:38What kind of nerd are you? Shit, now.
00:40I don't understand it. Your dad could buy the entire shop.
00:43Stuff you. I'm out of here.
00:44Gotcha.
00:48If I might interrupt, sir, you were completely innocent.
00:52You're telling me? I don't even like Dolly Parton.
00:54Well, anyway, I ended up getting two weeks detention and getting threatened by Dennis Sidebottom.
01:01But the stunt was good, eh, sir?
01:03The stunt was very good, Finlay.
01:06Oh, get away from me, you shitty great thing.
01:18Oh, on! Ah!
01:22Fear of!
01:24Strand!
01:25Strand!
01:25F
01:38Strand!
01:41I'm out of here.
01:42You're out of here.
01:43I want to know.
01:44I want to know.
01:45кварти
01:47You're out fan of any other.
01:48You're out of here.
01:49A lot of times, anyhow, doll,しく you could.
01:51Did he get too far into here?
01:52You're out of here.
01:53Have a go, heroin. Plucky Pichener, fights off, escape, gorilla.
02:09Fights off? All you did was leave out and she started pouting you with tin cans and washing powder.
02:14See how things get twisted by the media?
02:17What's up with you?
02:18I was just thinking about Sidebomb.
02:20Oh, you're not still worried about him, are you? He's just a pompous wasic.
02:23That's easy for you to say. It wasn't you he threatened.
02:31Okay, men, forget Sidebomb. We've got bigger fish to fry.
02:39What's the problem, sir?
02:40Cooling fighters at six o'clock.
02:42Let's hightail it out of here.
02:43Too late, they're locked into our coordinates.
02:45Fire up the main thrusters, Jenkinson. Already done, sir.
02:47Okay, activate that deflector shield.
02:50Take evasive action.
02:51Let's kick some Corian butt.
02:53Yippee-yay.
02:54Whee!
03:02Corian missile launch. 15 seconds to impact.
03:06I'll do what I can, guys.
03:07Hold tight.
03:08Everyone okay?
03:14Nicely flown, Lieutenant.
03:16We've lost an engine. We're on 75% from here on in.
03:19Corian missile launch.
03:21Ten seconds and counting.
03:23Head for that asteroid, Lieutenant.
03:24Are you crazy?
03:25It's dangerous, but it's our only hope.
03:27Five seconds and counting.
03:29Okay, here we go.
03:31Hold on to your guts.
03:31I'm going to turn this baby on at six pence.
03:36We took a direct hit.
03:37Oh, you win something, you love song.
03:38Keep breaking up.
03:39We're bound to ship.
03:40We're bound to ship.
03:40We're bound to ship.
03:41We're bound to escape.
03:41Go, go, go.
03:42Emergency.
03:43Let me be compassion.
03:44Emergency.
03:45Emergency.
03:45Let me be compassion.
03:46And what do you think you're all doing, eh?
04:00I'm on a run from a cooling fire to attack.
04:02You're completely off your trolleys.
04:03No, we're kids.
04:05This is what kids do.
04:06Watch out!
04:08Quit in the turtleneck.
04:09Hit the plutonium booster.
04:10I'm going to show you what this baby can do.
04:12Sorry, sir.
04:13This is a three-seater pod.
04:14I'm going to have to leave you at mercy of the coolians.
04:16I hate to do this, but it's a tough universe.
04:21Oh, yeah!
04:37Don't come at ease.
04:38Don't come at ease.
04:39Don't come at ease.
04:46What's the side button?
04:47Bam!
04:48Bam!
04:48It's so bam!
04:49Bonnie!
04:53I think it's time we had our little chat.
04:56But we know about the birds and the bees.
04:58You're not being clever.
05:00How did he kill any?
05:01Oh, please.
05:02Don't insult my intelligence.
05:05I mean, it's not exactly the hardest thing in the world following three idiots for half an hour.
05:09Yeah, but this is our place.
05:10Wrong.
05:11This is council property.
05:13You are squatting, and I could have you turfed out like that.
05:17I believe there are such things as squatters' rights.
05:20Listen, son!
05:21You haven't got any rights, so I suggest you sit down and shut up.
05:26We'll stand if that's all right with you.
05:27I got where I am today, by intelligence and hard work.
05:40It was good enough for me, and it's good enough for my children.
05:44So, you can probably understand, I was not best pleased when Todd started behaving oddly several weeks ago.
05:52He's a good boy, is Todd.
05:54He works hard, he's tidy, he's quiet, and he doesn't answer back.
06:03So, I said to myself, he's just having a bit of trouble settling in.
06:10You see, I'm very perceptive when it comes to young minds.
06:14But I was wrong, wasn't I?
06:16Because what happens?
06:18He hasn't been at school five minutes before my wife and I are summoned by the headmistress.
06:23Who seems to think my boy is a criminal.
06:28And why?
06:29Why?
06:31Because you drag him along on some shoplifting expedition.
06:35Me?
06:36Excuse me, but...
06:36I am doing the talking.
06:38You are doing the listening.
06:43Now, Todd is at a very impressionable age.
06:48He looks at you three delinquents and thinks you're having a great time.
06:55We are.
06:56But let me tell you, Todd is going to get A-levels.
07:00He is going to go to university, get a first-class degree with honours, and a good, solid job in business management.
07:14And nothing, I repeat, nothing is going to stop him.
07:17So, from now on, you will not associate with my son.
07:28You will not talk to my son.
07:30And if it's anything to do with me, you won't even look at my son.
07:33Because, let me put it this way.
07:37I think this is enough to have you expelled from school at the very least.
07:43If not put into some kind of high-security institution.
07:47Is that all perfectly clear?
07:53Good.
08:00I think I can honestly say that you are the most arrogant, wrong-headed, overbearing windbag I have ever, ever had the displeasure to meet.
08:13You can think what you like, Sonny.
08:14I have got three million pounds in the bank.
08:19I've got a car, a house, a job, a wonderful wife, and two successful children.
08:28Whereas you are heading straight down the tubes as far as I can see.
08:36T.T.
08:37F.N.
08:38I don't know about you, but that made me feel a lot better.
08:52Come on, let's get out of here.
09:02Let's go round one night and smash up his telescope.
09:04No.
09:06Let's glue up all the windows and doors of his house.
09:08Let's not.
09:09All right, let's kidnap Todd, take off all his clothes, and handcuff him to the big roundabout outside B&Q.
09:15Listen, the way I see it, whatever we do to Soy Bottom, we've got to make it absolutely sure it can't be traced back to Agent's head.
09:21Agree?
09:22Agree.
09:22So it's got to be something really clever, really subtle, really...
09:29It's all becoming clear.
09:37We've got to stream along.
09:38Flutter as intelligence.
09:40We could dig a trench out of his front door.
09:42Make him think we've really discovered something.
09:44Like what?
09:45That, Wilson, is the question.
09:47We could fill it with horse manure.
09:49How about we make him think we've discovered a new planet?
09:53What, like poking orange on a stick over his garden wall and hope he thinks it's orbiting around the sun?
09:58A crude example.
09:59But that's the kind of thing.
10:00Only, we're not talking oranges on sticks.
10:03We're talking big time.
10:04This is going to be one of Agent's head's toughest missions.
10:07Holmes, you're a genius.
10:10Yo!
10:19You're a genius.
10:49We are from the planet Dolly Parton.
11:01Dolly Partonians are us.
11:03We have traveled from the far side of the horse head nebula.
11:06Are you here?
11:07Our English ain't the goodliest good
11:09because we don't get much of a hip-a-pip-pop-per-tunity chance to practice.
11:12On the other hand, we are trillions of light years ahead of you on the evolutionary scale.
11:19What do you want with me?
11:21Well, Benny boy, we're just plump fed up with having to think all the time.
11:24Yeah.
11:25We want to have some fun.
11:27But that's a bit doggone difficult.
11:29Because we ain't got no imagination.
11:31So we wants you, monkey-nees, to teach us how to turn a mixing bowl into a bike and helmet.
11:36Teach us the cling film on the toilet seat joke.
11:39We wants to be learning how to whoop it up a small bit, righty?
11:42We need your help, Benny boy.
11:45Well, what do you want me to do first?
11:46First, you better go toilet.
11:48What?
11:49Go toilet!
11:50Go toilet!
11:50Go toilet!
11:51Go toilet!
11:51Go toilet!
11:52Go toilet!
11:52Go toilet!
11:53Go toilet!
11:53Go toilet!
11:54Go toilet!
11:54Go toilet!
11:55Go toilet!
11:55Go toilet!
11:56Go toilet!
11:56Go toilet!
11:57Go toilet!
11:57Go toilet!
11:58Go toilet!
11:58Go toilet!
11:59Go toilet!
12:00Go toilet!
12:01Go toilet!
12:02Go toilet!
12:03Go toilet!
12:04Go toilet!
12:05Go toilet!
12:06Go toilet!
12:07Go toilet!
12:08Go toilet!
12:09Go toilet!
12:10Go toilet!
12:11Go toilet!
12:12Go toilet!
12:13Go toilet!
12:14Go toilet!
12:15Go toilet!
12:16Go toilet!
12:17Go toilet!
12:18Go toilet!
12:18Eureka. Revenge is mine.
12:30Ben, I think you've hit on a bright idea there.
12:32Why? You don't have to cringe.
12:34See the headlines now. Lottery winner meets alien being.
12:37It's got a nice ring to it, hasn't it?
12:39So, like, we told Cy Barton we're from out of space,
12:41and we've got this message from planet Earth,
12:43and he's got to tell everyone,
12:44and he's got to do it completely stalkers
12:46in the middle of the shopping centre.
12:47Well, I think Dennis might recognise us, don't you?
12:50Not if he wore hats.
12:52Even you wouldn't fall for that one.
12:55James, I'll sit on the main snack of his otherwise brilliant plan.
12:59We don't look like aliens.
13:01So all we need now is a multi-billion dollar,
13:04state-of-the-art, computerised robotic slug
13:06which talks Javanese. Badger.
13:09Huh?
13:10How's about we paint your document?
13:12Give me strength.
13:14A tree frog. A really big tree frog.
13:17That'd look incredibly alien.
13:19Oh, why didn't I think of that?
13:20I'll tell you what, let's pop into the tree frog shop on the way home.
13:24What if I join you?
13:27I won't tell my dad.
13:29Honest.
13:30Nice scripts these, eh, Ben?
13:32Oh.
13:32Look, I'm sorry, OK?
13:34I'm sorry about all this.
13:35No, I'm sorry, Todd.
13:36But it's a tough old world out there.
13:37It's a jungle.
13:39Shark infested.
13:40What I'm saying is it's doggy dog.
13:42You've got to look after numero uno.
13:43Us we have got to get some A-levels.
13:45And good solid jobs in business management.
13:48And I don't mind telling you,
13:49we're at a very impressionable age right now.
13:51We do impressions all the time.
13:53And I think it's probably best if we steer clear of bad company for the time being.
13:56OK.
14:01Do you think we're a bit hard on him?
14:02Got to be cruel to be cruel.
14:05So, what are we going to do about this alien problem, then?
14:07Leave it to me, Watson.
14:08I'll put my huge brain into overdrive and see what I can come up with.
14:12So, where's this tree frog shop, then?
14:14A-o-o.
14:18Goodbye, miss.
14:19Dr Gordon, you're not leaving.
14:21Yeah, for good.
14:22But you can't.
14:23Attach valve A to Inlet B.
14:30I don't have a choice.
14:31I've been fired.
14:33We need you.
14:34Tell that to Mr. Crippen.
14:35He fired me.
14:37This is Mr. Crippen.
14:39You stupid gnome.
14:41It's not looking good.
14:43Get me a stethoscope and a strong black coffee.
14:46I think it's going to be a long night.
14:48Shh.
14:49It has fearsome problems in raising it.
14:51And it solves them in the most dramatic way imaginable.
14:55These chin-strap penguins are only a couple of feet high.
14:59King penguins are half as tall again.
15:02Eureka!
15:04Hold on, badger.
15:05Ben, do you mind?
15:07I look forward to trauma.
15:09Badger, will you drop it?
15:11Drop it, badger.
15:12Don't give up on me now, Crippen.
15:18You realise this is going to be totally illegal.
15:21Strictly speaking.
15:22It's the only way of speaking.
15:23I mean, nicking a few CDs is one for...
15:25Shh.
15:26Anyway, I didn't believe them.
15:28Yes, we're stealing mechanical penguins.
15:29Much worse.
15:30We're going to borrow it.
15:31We're going to steal it.
15:32Wait for a day or so.
15:33We'll bring it back.
15:34Okay.
15:35Run it by me once more.
15:37It's one in the morning.
15:38And so I bum's in his observatory.
15:39And then we'll go.
15:40He hears the roar of a UFO and sees a bright white light.
15:44That should be easy enough to do.
15:46Yeah, and suppose if we manage to pull off that bit?
15:48He comes out to see what all the noise is.
15:50Then he climbs over his fence into the park.
15:53Right.
15:54There's smoke everywhere.
15:55Oh, easy peasy.
15:57Your mum must have a smoke machine at a rufferatic society.
16:00And this penguin models up to him?
16:02In disguise.
16:03What, like a false beard and glasses and stuff?
16:05No, stupid.
16:06We'll dress it up in a silver cloak or a jumpsuit thing
16:09to make freaky and alien-looking.
16:11And this penguin, in a jumpsuit,
16:13says,
16:14Greetings, Mr. Sidebottom.
16:15I bring you a message for all humankind.
16:17Is that it?
16:18No.
16:19This is the clever bit.
16:21The message is written down.
16:22Penguins can't write.
16:23Jack will do the writing.
16:25It's a tiny square of plastic or a metal disc or something.
16:28And we'll write it in a sort of code
16:30so it looks like complete nonsense, right?
16:33Right.
16:34Sidebottom picks it up and gets really excited
16:36because he thinks it's from another planet.
16:39He goes to the papers in the telly.
16:41We let a few weeks go by
16:42and then we reveal the truth.
16:44We cipher the code
16:45and it says Dennis Sidebottom is a pompous wasp.
16:48Well, what do you think?
16:52Well, Ben,
16:53there are about three million details
16:54that need to be worked out.
16:56But if it all goes according to plan
16:58and we manage to pull this one off,
17:00I think we could easily be talking about
17:02Agent Z's finest hour.
17:03Yo!
17:15How are we doing, Finlay?
17:22Rather well, sir.
17:23You've just wiped out the last of the coolian attack ships.
17:27Yee-haw!
17:28Shall I set coordinates for whom, sir?
17:31Not until I've done the traditional victory roll.
17:34Hold on to your circuit boards.
17:37Watch out, sir!
17:38Watch out!
17:41Watch out!
17:42Still acting the goat, I see.
17:53Good evening, Mrs Sidebottom.
17:54What a lovely evening it is.
17:56Mm-hm.
17:57Up to no good.
17:58As per usual.
17:59Well, actually,
18:01I'm in a hurry to get home
18:02and finish reading
18:02Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment.
18:05Gripping book, don't you think?
18:07Bye.
18:07Hasta la vista, Dennis.
18:21Is it red to red?
18:23Or red to black?
18:30Ah, it is the other way around.
18:33Excellent.
19:02Excellent.
19:02Lights.
19:05Got them.
19:06Car battery.
19:07Yep.
19:08Tape recorder.
19:09We can use mine.
19:10Good.
19:11So, what's missing?
19:12We haven't got the penguin yet.
19:13Or a spacecraft.
19:14I haven't worked out how we're going to do the message bit either.
19:17This spacecraft thing is really starting to bug me.
19:19It's got to be able to fly.
19:21We could use a kite.
19:22No, there may not be any wind that night.
19:23Depends what we've had for dinner.
19:25What's up with you?
19:27Repeat after me.
19:28Ben, you're a complete genius.
19:30Why?
19:32Or more precisely, helium.
19:34Ben, you're a complete genius.
19:39Now we're cooking with gas.
19:41Or more precisely, helium.
19:53Den is side bottomless pompous...
19:57Wassock.
19:59Oh, no.
20:07Badger, where are you?
20:09Come back here, street animal.
20:12Badger, come here, daft mot.
20:14Stop it.
20:18Come on.
20:19Get in there.
20:22Get in there.
20:22Talk.
20:29The little green magazine.
20:42Everything for the amateur ufologist.
20:57Well, look who it is.
20:59Um, badger.
21:04Sorry?
21:05The dog.
21:08Why do us look so guilty?
21:10I hear you've been banned from seeing Todd.
21:12I told you we should have been friends.
21:14I wouldn't have got into all this trouble.
21:16You don't listen, do you?
21:19Typical of a man.
21:20A man?
21:21Me?
21:22Anyway, you better go before my dad finds you here.
21:24Yeah.
21:25Bye.
21:29Bye.
21:35Ready?
21:35Ready.
21:42Hi, guys.
21:43Hey, you're just in time.
21:45Ah!
21:45Good.
21:47They work.
21:48That's okay, then.
21:50What's the little green magazine?
21:52I found them in side-bottom rubbish.
21:54You've been going through his rubbish?
21:55Ah, it's a long story.
21:57Listen to this.
22:00A man in Little Rock, Arkansas, claims to have travelled to a distant galaxy with aliens he
22:06calls the Zizos.
22:07Here's a good one.
22:10After a close encounter with an alien, my entire body has become magnetic, says Harriet Martell,
22:16a waitress in Roseville, Montana.
22:18Look, she's got knives and forks stick all over her.
22:21There's a man here with ten nostrils.
22:23There's a man here with no nose.
22:25How does he smell?
22:26Terrible.
22:27If Sibon buys this, he must really believe in this stuff.
22:31He does.
22:32The thing is, he also believes he's the most intelligent, commonsensical, in-command bloke
22:36this side of the Gobi Desert.
22:37That's why this alien message is bugging me.
22:40We've got to make it look totally authentic.
22:42If we get one tiny detail wrong, he'll be on to us like that.
22:47Crikey.
22:48You can get real pieces of moon rock for $54,000.
22:53That's a lot of dollars.
22:54Yeah, but real moon rock.
22:56Where'd you get it?
22:57How much mail order to some bloke in America?
23:00Alvin P. Newt, PhD.
23:03I've got it.
23:04How do they do that?
23:06How much money can we raise?
23:08Not much.
23:08Why?
23:09They're those small chunks of meteorite from Mooseburger Clay to Arizona at a mere $200.
23:15I think I'm getting you adrift.
23:18Yeah, but where are we going to get $200?
23:22I'll sell my unicycle I got for Christmas.
23:24What?
23:24Well, I keep falling off it anyway.
23:26You'd sell your unicycle for us.
23:28Not for us.
23:29For Agent Z.
23:30And the penguin from Mars.
23:32Agent Z and the penguin from Mars.
23:35Yo!
23:36Yes!
23:37I'm going to be a little bit more.
23:38I'm going to be a little bit more.
23:38I'm going to be a little bit more.
23:39I'm going to be a little bit more.
23:40I'm going to be a little bit more.
23:41I'm going to be a little bit more.
23:41I'm going to be a little bit more.
23:42I'm going to be a little bit more.
23:43I'm going to be a little bit more.
23:44I'm going to be a little bit more.
23:45I'm going to be a little bit more.
23:46I'm going to be a little bit more.
23:47I'm going to be a little bit more.
23:48I'm going to be a little bit more.
23:49I'm going to be a little bit more.
23:49I'm going to be a little bit more.