Murphy Brown Season 8 Episode 8 Bad Company
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00:00Hi. I'm Murphy Brown. You must be my new secretary.
00:07I'm Murphy Brown. You must be my new secretary.
00:10Excuse me?
00:12Excuse me.
00:14Do you have a problem?
00:16A problem?
00:17I have a PhD in molecular biology and I'm stuck behind the secretary's desk and you ask me if I have a problem.
00:22Sorry.
00:24I promised I wouldn't bring my frustrations to work.
00:28Now, what can I do for you?
00:30Uh, well, do you think you could file this for me?
00:34You could file this for me?
00:44Good morning, Miss Brown. Andrew, what are you doing here?
00:47I was waiting to talk to you. I hope you don't mind.
00:50Mind? Um, well, actually, Andrew, I do.
00:53It's nothing personal. It's just that bad things seem to happen when you're around.
00:57Was this fish always dead?
01:03Hello, Miles.
01:05Oh, Andrew.
01:07So, what brings our Vice President of Current Affairs down to FYI?
01:11On a Monday morning.
01:13With no prior notice.
01:15Well, I realized I've been so busy with my other duties here, I've been neglecting you.
01:19Neglecting?
01:21No!
01:23FYI, it's like a cactus.
01:27Sit us on a shelf and forget about us.
01:29Come back months later, we're still there, healthy as ever.
01:31In fact, get too close, we'll prick you.
01:35Actually, I had an idea for a story.
01:39Just an inkling.
01:40The merest whisper of an inkling.
01:42But it was calling your name.
01:44Miss Brown.
01:46Miss Brown.
01:48Gee, Andrew, I'd like to help you with your inkling.
01:51But right now, I'm hot on the trail of a vague notion.
01:54I understand your reluctance, Miss Brown.
01:57And you are under no pressure to take my idea.
01:59In fact, you should feel free to say no.
02:01Free? Hell, I'm eager.
02:03How would you feel about doing a profile on the CEO of Palomino Software?
02:12Richard Cooper!
02:14No!
02:16Are you sure?
02:17I really think this could be the kind of show everyone would like to see.
02:20It's the kind of show everyone has seen.
02:22There isn't a new show on television that hasn't done a profile on him.
02:25And they're all the same.
02:27Cooper's a fantastic guy with a fantastic company who's fantastic to work for.
02:32I mean, even the local Spanish station called him El Gringo Fantastico.
02:37Well, what if he's not so fantastic?
02:40What if he's done something scandalous?
02:43What if he's... divorced?
02:46So what? Half the people in this country are divorced.
02:49I'm divorced.
02:50You what?
02:51I didn't know that.
02:57Look, Andrew, I appreciate your interest,
03:00but my instincts tell me there's no story here.
03:03I hate to disagree with you, Miss Brown, but my instincts tell me there is.
03:06Just a funny feeling I have in my gut.
03:09Let's see.
03:10My instincts are based on two decades of award-winning journalism,
03:14whereas your instincts could be cured with some antacids and a hearty belt.
03:19What do you think, Miles?
03:26Me?
03:28Well, a profile on Cooper could be interesting.
03:32Interesting?
03:33But if Murphy doesn't want to do the story, then we won't do it,
03:36because journalists decide for themselves what stories they want to do.
03:41Really?
03:42I didn't know that.
03:44Yes, it's one of the journalism's most time-honored traditions, right, Murphy?
03:49Oh, absolutely.
03:50Dates back to the 12th century,
03:52when wandering news minstrels would sing about current events in exchange for a leg of mutton.
03:58Well, as I said, it was merely an idea.
04:01I'm just grateful the two of you took the time to listen to my humble thoughts.
04:06Good day.
04:13Can you believe he fell for that?
04:16This Stone Phillips won't be drinking alone at the I Believe in News Minstrels Club.
04:21What is he thinking?
04:22A profile on Richard Cooper.
04:24A profile on Richard Cooper.
04:26Huh.
04:27Thanks, Andrew.
04:28I'll look into that.
04:29Oh, now, hold on, Frank.
04:30You can't do a Cooper story.
04:32I need you on that biological weapons piece.
04:34But, Miles, didn't you just say journalists should decide for themselves what stories they want to do?
04:39How else will Frank earn his mutton?
04:42Yes, well, I'm not sure those are the exact words.
04:49Those were the exact words.
04:52Good.
04:53Then it's settled.
04:54Although, all this reporters deciding for themselves what stories they want to do does make me wonder why we need an accepted producer at all.
05:08Frank, are you out of your mind? A profile on Richard Cooper? There's no story there.
05:13I know that, but Andrew has always hated me, and this is a way to get on his good side.
05:18See, I'll act like I'm really working on the story, then I'll tell him I couldn't find anything.
05:23He'll be flattered, I even try, and in a few days the whole thing will just disappear.
05:27Well, if you ask me, Andrew shouldn't be meddling in FYI. He should just stick to what he does best.
05:32Lurking in the shadows, writing in pig's blood, and reciting the Lord's Prayer backwards.
05:37When you guys relax, I know what I'm doing.
05:40Hey, hold that elevator.
05:42Frank.
05:43Uh, what floor do you want?
05:44Uh, could you press three, please?
05:46Could you pass three, please?
05:47How about now?
05:48I mean, I might just press long, huh?
05:50Hello, FYI!
05:55Oh, gee, Frank, it's your little partner, Andrew.
05:58Hey, Frankie, how's it going, buddy?
06:03I just checked in to see how our story was going.
06:06Oh, yeah, that Cooper piece. How is that going, Frank?
06:11Oh, uh, well, uh, you know, Andrew, I have done a lot of digging over the last week.
06:18I mean, I made calls. I looked in lots of books. Um, I even contacted all the sources in my elaborate network of underground informants.
06:32Really, Frank? All of them? Even Squinty, the one-eyed madman who lives in the sewers of London?
06:37Yes, Murph, even Squinty.
06:44And the point is, there is just no dirt out there on Richard Cooper.
06:49Oh, gee, that's too bad.
06:51Well, of course you didn't find anything, Frank. Cooper's a great guy.
06:55His company put out this adorable children's video game.
06:58I played it with my nephew.
07:00Cuddly Bunny Goes to Joyland.
07:02So you hop around sharing carrots with all your little squirrel friends.
07:06Then on level six, they give you a flamethrower you can use to torch some old people.
07:10But they deserve it, because they don't know how to share.
07:17Well, I am so sorry, Andrew. I just wish there was something more that I could do.
07:23Really, Frank? Do you really?
07:25Oh, yes, yes, but what?
07:28I did a little research of my own. Would you mind taking a look-see?
07:32Oh, um, sure.
07:34It's probably nothing.
07:41I really appreciate this, Frank.
07:43I'll expect a full report by 10 a.m. tomorrow.
07:46Yeah, why, Andrew, I was just thinking of...
07:49Thanks, pal.
07:53Man, folks, look at all this stuff.
07:57Oh, the story's gonna just disappear, eh, Frank?
08:01Look, Murph, I am not in the mood to hear you gloat right now.
08:04Fair enough.
08:07Told you so, told you so, told you so.
08:09Here.
08:11Play it at your leisure.
08:16Interesting.
08:17Did you know that there was a cover-up about an investigation into labor practices at Cooper's Baby Food Factory?
08:23Oh, Corky, if there was some kind of cover-up, I think I would have heard about it.
08:26Yeah, I'm sure Squinty would have found some way to get word to Frank by now.
08:31Well, according to this, there was a cover-up.
08:35Oh, please, Corky, just because something's written on a piece of paper doesn't mean it's true.
08:40Trust me, you can't believe every officially notarized sealed deposition from the California 9th District Court of Appeals?
08:50Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
08:59Uh-huh, uh-huh, I understand.
09:01No, don't worry, I can promise you complete confidentiality.
09:05Thank you very much.
09:07So what'd you find out?
09:09Oh, you'd like better believe this.
09:10You know how Cooper is always supposed to be this great family man?
09:13Well, he ought to be.
09:14He's got three of them.
09:15You know?
09:17Still hard at work, I see.
09:19Oh, Jim, there's some great stuff here.
09:21Price gouging, insider trading.
09:23Not to mention, the guy is a ruthless takeover artist.
09:26You would not believe the size of his empire.
09:29That's typical of corporations these days.
09:31They're trying to get into everything.
09:33Public education, mail delivery, even prisons.
09:37For all we know, in ten years, our penal system will be run by Disney.
09:43I don't care what crime you've committed,
09:45the last thing you see before you shuffle off this mortal coil
09:49shouldn't be Donald Duck in an executioner's hood.
09:52Come on, everybody.
09:59Uh, Andrew really came true on this one, didn't he, Murph?
10:02And to think, in some parallel universe,
10:05you've got this story, and I feel like an idiot.
10:11Yeah, that's pretty funny.
10:12I guess the joke's on me.
10:16Listen, Frank, there's too much here for one person to do by Wednesday.
10:19What do you say we share the story?
10:21What? No way!
10:25Frank, we've known each other a long time.
10:30Long enough to know how this is going to turn out.
10:34I'll use logic, trickery, and if that doesn't work,
10:37a campaign of unrelenting earboxing, but you'll give it.
10:40Oh, yeah, you will.
10:41Oh, yeah, you will.
10:42So why don't you just spare yourself the hassle and the mess and the hospital bills,
10:46and let's agree to share the story now, okay?
10:50Oh, all right.
10:51Great. Now, I'll cover Cooper's shady business dealings.
10:54No way, I want to cover the shady business dealings.
10:56No way, I want to cover the shady business dealings.
10:57No way, I want to cover the shady business dealings.
11:01Frank?
11:02No way, I want to cover the shady business dealings.
11:03No way, I want to cover the shady business dealings.
11:04No way, I want to cover the shady business dealings.
11:05No way, I want to cover the shady business dealings.
11:06And I said that we couldn't shut down that plant.
11:11An entire town would be devastated.
11:15Cooper just smiled and said towns are expendable, profits are not.
11:21Well, not exactly the squeaky clean image America's leading businessmen would have us believe, is it?
11:28Jim?
11:30Thank you, Murphy.
11:31When we return, FYI's investigation of Richard Cooper continues as Frank Fontana uncovers shocking reports on employee mistreatment.
11:40And we're into commercial.
11:42Oh, yeah. Good job, Murphy really gave Cooper a beating out there.
11:46Thanks.
11:47There was a point where I started to feel bad about running that footage of him strangling a peacock.
11:51But then I thought, he strangled a peacock.
11:58We just got word Cooper pulled off another corporate takeover.
12:01Really?
12:02That's perfect.
12:03We'll use it to close the show.
12:04Who did he take over?
12:06The network.
12:12Our network?
12:13No, the psychic friends network, yes.
12:15Yes.
12:17Oh, God.
12:18What are we gonna do?
12:19I need to thank John.
12:20Buy me some time.
12:21And we're back in five, four, three, two.
12:26Welcome back.
12:28What you have heard about Richard Cooper so far is, I'm afraid, just the beginning.
12:34For more on this FYI exclusive, here is investigative reporter Frank Fontana.
12:39Thank you, Jim.
12:40To the public, Richard Cooper is a benign businessman and a kind-hearted philanthropist.
12:50But to those who have suffered under his cold-blooded corporate rule, he is something quite different.
12:56That is why he has been dubbed the world's first boss.
13:09A man who has shattered the lives of every employee who has ever done the slightest thing to displease him.
13:17Although it's never too late for a person to change.
13:22Okay, Frank, we tell the police Andrew was dead when we got here, as far as we can tell, he tripped and choked on his own stapler.
13:37I still don't get it.
13:38Why would Andrew set us up like that?
13:40What did he hope to accomplish?
13:41I don't know.
13:42He's Andrew.
13:43Maybe he has some deal where every time he does something evil, he gets frequent flyer miles.
13:51Come on, faster, faster!
13:53Okay, Andrew, time to die.
13:56Good idea, Miss Brown.
13:57A suicide pact.
13:58Here, rip out my throat!
14:01What are you talking about?
14:02Just do it!
14:03What's going on, Andrew?
14:04Didn't you hear?
14:05Cooper wants to see the three of us at his New York headquarters first thing tomorrow.
14:09I just know he's gonna hold me responsible for that story we did on him.
14:13You are responsible for that story we did on him.
14:16Oh, really, Frank?
14:17Well, then tell me, why is it that your signature is here on this authorization memo?
14:23That's not my signature.
14:27How about that?
14:30Listen, you demented little hobgoblin.
14:33You set us up, but now you're gonna take responsibility.
14:36Set you up?
14:37How did I set you up?
14:38Oh, come on!
14:40You offered Murphy this story knowing she'd turn it down and that I'd run with it.
14:44So then Murphy would con me into letting her back on the story.
14:47And then the two of us would go on the air together just as Cooper bought our network.
14:53Oh, you're right, Frank.
14:54Only you left out one very important detail.
14:58You're insane!
14:59Google Mooney!
15:00So you're saying you had no idea this takeover was in the works?
15:08Miss Brown, three acres of rainforest gave its life for the paper trail I left.
15:14You think that would have happened if I'd known this was coming?
15:17So if you didn't set us up with Cooper, why'd you put us on the story to begin with?
15:21I assure you, Miss Brown, my motives were the purest possible.
15:25I was a mere lad at the bottom rung of the corporate ladder when the incident happened.
15:32And on that day, I swore I would have my revenge.
15:42So you arranged for us to do a story on one of the most vindictive men in corporate America
15:48who just happens to be our new boss because 15 years ago you didn't think to get out of the way of a door?
15:54Yes.
15:56And in all that time, he never once bothered to apologize.
16:00Andrew, did you ever stop to think that maybe he forgot about it?
16:05How could he, Frank?
16:07I didn't forget. I never forget.
16:10Any of them.
16:12Remember this, elephant boy.
16:14Next time in the future you're out wreaking vengeance on a kid in third grade who didn't offer you gum,
16:19leave us the hell out of it!
16:21Miss Brown, Frank, I swear to you, I didn't mean to involve you in any of this.
16:26My God, what have I done?
16:29Die!
16:39Gee, Murph, you made him cry.
16:41Oh, please, Frank, he's not really crying.
16:44He probably doesn't even have tear ducts.
16:48Okay, he does.
16:50Oh, my.
16:51Why?
16:52Why?
16:53Why must everything I touch turn ugly?
16:56My mother was right.
16:58I am evil.
17:02Your mother said you were evil?
17:05Well, at my fifth birthday party, instead of a clown, she hired an exorcist.
17:15I used to think others were to blame, but it's me.
17:19Me.
17:20Well, it's time for a change.
17:26Tomorrow, when we go into Cooper's office, I'll take full responsibility for that story.
17:33You're darn right you will.
17:35Oh, my God.
17:36Oh, my God.
17:37Oh, my God.
17:38Oh, my God.
17:39Oh, my God.
17:40Oh, my God.
17:41Oh, my God.
17:42Oh, my God.
17:43Oh, my God.
18:04Mr. Cooper will be with you in a moment.
18:06Can I get you anything?
18:08Uh, how about a cyanide capsule?
18:10frank what is with you what's with me we're about to get fired that's what's with me murph
18:18oh please we were journalists doing our job he's not gonna fire us all right he has a doctor over
18:25medicate his diabetic ex-wife so she'd be agreeable for the divorce settlement but he's
18:30gonna draw the line with firing us okay worst case scenario we get fired so what any network
18:36would love to have us oh yeah they are just lining up to hire people who've stabbed their bosses in the
18:42back get ted turner indicted he'll ask us to host crossfire calm down andrew's taking the fall for
18:51us remember oh right andrew do you see him here no well you know i don't and do you know why
18:59because that lying weasel probably skipped the country i will bet you he is in switzerland
19:04right now sipping piña coladas they sell them there mr cooper will see you now oh man are we screwed
19:16relax frank we're not screwed
19:19murphy brown frank fontana this is a thrill i'm rick cooper of course you know andrew lansing
19:30hello hello okay now we're screwed andrew i thought we were gonna meet you outside oh were we
19:42some girl here now please sit down i've got to tell you i'm a big fan of the show a big fan i thought
19:53that story you did where you ripped apart pat buchanan was terrific and frank i love that piece
20:00you did on corruption in the new orleans police department you did thanks i thought it was pretty
20:06good myself good it was fan-freaking-tastic
20:11you know i want fyi to keep hitting hard because there's nothing i admire more than somebody who'll
20:19step up and take a swing at the big guys uh really hell yes you know some people with that kind of
20:26gumption are gonna go far in my company you know what i'm talking about don't you andy indeed i do
20:32coop which brings me back to what you and i were discussing earlier that story that fyi did on you
20:39i take full responsibility frank and murphy had nothing to do with nothing to do with it um uh do not
20:46listen to him mr cooper that story me and murphy all the way mr cooper i assure you that frank
20:53who are you gonna believe him or us we killed ourselves putting that story together and to
20:58think i handed you a tissue are you saying that the two of you are responsible for that story
21:03that's right you got it a story that single-handedly shattered an image that i've been painstakingly
21:09crafting my entire adult life
21:11oh you mean the story about you i was talking about a story on someone else i'm sorry andy thanks for
21:25coming by i'm sure you have business to take care of down in washington sit down frank
21:31uh indeed sir thanks uh and i'll tell my uncle you said hello it wasn't us it was andrew he hates you
21:41you slammed the door in his face packages
21:44frank murphy i have a reputation for being fair but as you learned while doing that story that
21:57reputation is totally without basis so what are you gonna do fire us you know no i'm not gonna
22:03fire you you're too valuable for that everybody knows the only thing this network has besides you
22:10is the nanny that woman reminds me of one of my ex-wives not to mention two of the current ones
22:19you know now your situation gonna require some craft which is why i'm slashing your research
22:28budget in half what and as to expense accounts that's a thing of the past oh man okay congratulations
22:36you proved your point you're big and powerful can we go now no no no no no no no now is the fun part
22:44this is where i whittled away it's your will to live for example i like carrot cake do you like
22:53carrot cake frank yeah your commissary will never serve carrot cake again
23:02and murphy from now on the toilet paper in the ladies room of fyi will be the rough and scratchy kind
23:09you know what i think that's enough i think i can put all this behind me now and we can build a good
23:18working relationship maybe even be friends friends are you nuts oh now darn it that's a step backwards
23:26i don't believe i'm going to be able to validate your parking uh fine but before we do maybe i should
23:34clear this with you my next story is on wasting the government you don't own that do you not this
23:40one not yet what are you doing here andrew i thought you'd be out feasting on the blood of the living
23:50oh he certainly won't be feasting on carrot cake why didn't the two of you believe me i was taking the
23:57fall for you in there oh yeah all right come on frank let's go frank wait you believe me don't you
24:05yeah right but frank i've turned over a new leaf
24:10what's a redneck tune in for the jeff foxworthy show and find out damn straight the show premieres next
24:35saturday with a two-hour block of four episodes starting at 10 only on nick at night