Malcolm In The Middle Season 4 Episode 1 Zoo
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00:00No playing ball on the house!
00:13No playing ball through the house!
00:19This isn't even fun.
00:22That stopped being the point a long time ago.
00:24Yes, no, maybe.
00:30I don't know
00:32Can you repeat the question?
00:36You're not the boss of me now
00:39You're not the boss of me now
00:41You're not the boss of me now
00:44And you're not so big
00:47You're not the boss of me now
00:50You're not the boss of me now
00:53You're not the boss of me now
00:55And you're not so big
01:00Life is unfair...
01:13Oh, for God's sake, Malcolm!
01:16This is the last time I'm gonna tell you!
01:19Get up right now!
01:21I'll get up when the world stops being a cruel joke,
01:24which is never!
01:26Malcolm, you smell like a locker room!
01:30This has gotta stop!
01:32You've wasted your entire summer lying in bed
01:34feeling sorry for yourself!
01:36Your father thinks we've sent you away to camp!
01:38You're right! I'm a pathetic loser!
01:41Honey...
01:43This is just a phase!
01:46Every teenager goes through it.
01:48I did, your father did.
01:50Francis cried in the shower every day for six months.
01:53Reese wouldn't get out of the dryer.
01:55It's awkward, and it's painful,
01:57and you think it's never gonna end.
01:59Now, get out of bed!
02:01We're going to the zoo!
02:03Why are we gonna go stare at a bunch of pathetic cage animals
02:06and fat suburban yahoos pointing and laughing at them?
02:10Because I have a coupon!
02:12Is the zoo one of the places where you have to be this tall
02:16to do the good stuff?
02:18I don't know. I've never been there when it's open.
02:21This is gonna be so much fun!
02:24I'm so glad I ran into Matt!
02:26Yeah, that was quite a lucky break.
02:28Good old, good old Matt.
02:30It has been 20 years since I was dating the both of you.
02:34I can't believe you're still jealous!
02:36I am not jealous!
02:38I'm not even the jealous type!
02:40I was just trying to read the meter!
02:43Not in those short stars hands!
02:46Why don't you just marry Tom Broome?
02:52Okay, that's enough. Break it up.
02:58Hello?
02:59Hi, Dad.
03:00Francis!
03:01How's it going?
03:02Couldn't be going better, Dad.
03:04We're seeing the country, meeting great people.
03:07This is the best time of our lives.
03:14Wow!
03:15I guess your mom and I were really wrong about your cross-country plan.
03:19Now, we thought it would be a disaster.
03:21I'm not gonna rub your face in it, Dad!
03:23We're having too much fun!
03:25No thanks, Joe!
03:26I couldn't take another bite of pie!
03:28This trip has been so good for us.
03:32We have seen so many things.
03:34Majestic mountains, quiet little towns,
03:37emergency opportunities for charitable giving.
03:41That's great!
03:42It sounds like you are really making it out there.
03:45Yeah, so about these charitable opportunities...
03:48Listen, we're on our way to the zoo right now,
03:50but you call us back next week, okay?
03:52Love the pyama!
03:53Oh, look how nice this is!
03:59And it's such a beautiful day!
04:02You have to stop making that noise!
04:06Fine, Mom, I won't breathe.
04:08You know, son, I hate to see you like this.
04:11I'll tell you what, why don't we get you a wax crocodile?
04:14Can we see the tigers?
04:15I'm gonna go hit the monkeys.
04:17I mean, go see the monkeys.
04:19Look!
04:20Matt's Animals of the Rainforest show starts in 20 minutes!
04:23Gee!
04:24Don't wanna miss that!
04:25Can I just go wait in the car?
04:27I mean, it's technically at the zoo.
04:29No!
04:30And since you're so committed to being miserable,
04:32you can be in charge of your little brother for the day.
04:34Oh, great!
04:35Let's look at every animal first,
04:37then decide which ones we wanna go back to!
04:40Meet back here at five!
04:42Let go of me.
04:44I don't wanna be your babysitter.
04:45I just wanna be by myself.
04:47Are you mad?
04:48I'm not mad.
04:49You sound mad.
04:50Fine, I'm mad!
04:52Who are you mad at?
04:53I'm not mad!
04:55Look, you wouldn't understand.
04:58Yes, I would.
04:59No, you wouldn't!
05:00You're still living in your kiddie dream world.
05:03You don't realize you're nothing but an insignificant speck of dust
05:06lost in an uncaring universe full of random tragedy.
05:10What's a lemur?
05:16Oh, look!
05:17There's Matt!
05:18Hi, Matt!
05:19Lolo!
05:20Hi!
05:21Oh!
05:22Hey, Matt!
05:27Quite a zoo you've got here!
05:31I gotta tell you, this is an exciting day for us.
05:34We don't often get a chance to spend time with the family.
05:37You know how it is!
05:38Work, work, work!
05:39But to tell you the truth, it's mostly my boss.
05:42He gets off on cracking the whip.
05:44You know, he's a real bastard!
05:45But I got a feeling that he's about to get the axe.
05:48At least that's what Jimbo on marketing says.
05:51It's so good to see you, Matt.
05:56Yeah.
05:57I knew you'd end up doing something like this.
05:59Oh.
06:00Why is that all those cute animals?
06:01Well, you didn't think Monty was so cute.
06:03I hated that snake!
06:05Remember the time I found him in the shower?
06:07Hey, are your kids here?
06:14I'd love to meet them.
06:16Oh, yeah!
06:17Yeah, they're around.
06:18You'll recognize them.
06:19They'll look like me.
06:21So, who's this little guy, huh?
06:34Do you want this?
06:37Too slow.
06:42Hey, watch me going.
06:53Big mistake, pal!
06:54You wanna go?
06:55Well, go!
06:58Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
07:00He started it.
07:02Goats don't start it.
07:04Get out.
07:08Guess what I get to do?
07:11Leave!
07:12Leave!
07:14If we push the car until we find a mechanic who we can pay with aluminum cans...
07:18Francis, we've been pushing the car for two days.
07:22I'm tired and I'm hungry.
07:24I'm gonna buy something to eat.
07:26No, no, no!
07:28Get lottery tickets!
07:29This is exactly the kind of time when these things pay off.
07:33Honey, we are not spending our last five dollars on lottery tickets.
07:36That's crazy!
07:38Now I'm going in there and I'm buying food.
07:41Food!
07:42Like adults eat.
07:44No wonder you were 3,000 on your blue book.
07:53Cadillac?
07:55Yeah.
07:571974?
07:58You say so.
07:59She is a beauty!
08:02I left your American cars.
08:04BMW could learn as saying also, but no.
08:09Everything has to be about perfect engineering.
08:13Otto, what are you doing?
08:16Who is this handsome boy?
08:19Hi, I'm Francis.
08:20I am talking cars with my new American friend.
08:23And yeah, he is very handsome.
08:27So Francis, do you also come to the Circle Cave for the wonderful hot dogs?
08:32Actually, we were just sort of passing through and our car broke down.
08:36This is so lucky for you.
08:39This is a wonderful place.
08:41We own a dude ranch just nearby, with cows and horses and people.
08:47We don't own the people.
08:50We call it the Grotto.
08:51Cheers, Gretchen.
08:52I am also Grotto.
08:54You should come and visit, eh?
08:56Sure!
08:57Oh, thanks, but I'm out of work and we're kind of broke right now.
09:04Wait!
09:05I am having a sort!
09:11Eh, it's gone.
09:13He could work for us at the ranch!
09:16Get with me short!
09:19We need a ranch foreman.
09:21Wait.
09:22I don't know the first thing about ranch.
09:24Oh, you will learn.
09:25I can tell you are clever.
09:27Really? I've never even...
09:28Look me in the eye.
09:33Yeah!
09:34I can tell.
09:35It is the job for you.
09:36Pays 200 a week plus free room and board.
09:40Done.
09:42I have one question.
09:44Yeah.
09:45This isn't going to end up with me cut up in little pieces and buried in a secret basement, is it?
09:50Nope.
09:51You got a deal!
09:54Okay, I got lottery tickets.
09:56We don't need them.
09:57Go away!
09:58Get out of here!
10:10Get out of here!
10:11I'm warning you, I'm not following your gold line games!
10:25If nothing I do ever has any meaning, then I can't care about anything. Which makes me feel even worse! How am I supposed to ever feel happy?
10:40Kid, I'm a zoo clown.
10:41I'm a zoo clown.
10:42Now buy a giraffe or go to hell.
10:43See, Dewey, there's a guy who understands.
10:44Malcolm, you're at the zoo.
10:45You have a popsicle.
10:46How could you be unhappy?
10:47I wanted a grape.
10:48I wanted a grape.
10:49Tigers!
10:50Where are they?
10:51They're not here!
10:52What a chip!
10:53See, that's what I mean.
10:54The one thing you were excited about, closed.
10:56Maybe they're not here!
10:57Or maybe there never were any tigers and they just put up the science to build a safe space.
11:00How do you put it in the car?
11:01I'm not.
11:02I'm not.
11:03I'm not.
11:04I'm not.
11:05I'm not.
11:06I'm not.
11:07I'm not.
11:08I'm not.
11:09I'm not.
11:10I'm not.
11:11I'm not.
11:12I'm not.
11:13I'm not.
11:14I'm not.
11:15I'm not.
11:16I'm not.
11:17I'm not.
11:18No.
11:19I'm not.
11:20No.
11:21I'm not.
11:22of the science to build a sense of disappointment and...
11:26Dewey!
11:31Okay.
11:33You idiot!
11:34What the hell's wrong with you?
11:40Come on.
11:44Let's get out of here before we get caught.
11:52Okay, Cookie, it's payday!
12:11Well, that must happen a lot in the rainforest.
12:14Okay, if I could have another volunteer.
12:17He was pointing at me.
12:19Oh, uh, okay.
12:22Uh, could you tell everyone your name, sir?
12:26I'm Hal, Lois' husband.
12:29Well, Hal, are you feeling adventurous?
12:32Would you like to meet another friend from the rainforest?
12:35Oh, I don't know. Animals that can withstand rain.
12:39Well, we'd better hurry,
12:40because the needless destruction of the rainforest
12:43is going on at an alarming rate.
12:45It's threatening thousands of helpless species each year.
12:50Like...
12:51The beautiful and gentle...
12:54Bird-eating tarantula.
12:58Now, I know Victor looks dangerous.
13:02But the tarantula...
13:03is actually a very gentle and timid creature.
13:11I am so sorry.
13:13Victor's never done anything like that before.
13:17Once the swelling goes down,
13:18the fangs should fall out.
13:20Google Earths
13:45This is where you will stay, is this cabin, but you can do whatever you want to make it
13:59feel homey.
14:00Yeah, yeah, yeah, move the furniture, put up pictures.
14:04If you want to hammer a sandwich to the wall, you can do it.
14:09So Francis, tell me, do you like horses?
14:13I honestly have no idea.
14:15I love horses!
14:17Their bodies are so big and their feet are so tiny, they make me laugh.
14:22This is just so generous and nice of you.
14:26This place is so beautiful, I never want to leave.
14:29Oh, this is what happened to Otto.
14:32We were on vacation and Otto was so happy to be away from the stress of running the factory.
14:40I have 25 hard, long machines per day.
14:45And if you make one teeny little mistake, boy, do you hear about it.
14:52Don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move.
14:55You've been saying that for 20 minutes.
14:57I still mean it.
14:59Do you think he's mad?
15:01I don't know, I don't think it matters.
15:03Just stay quiet and try not to look like meat.
15:05Hey!
15:06I don't think you kids are supposed to be messing around down there.
15:10Yeah, thank you.
15:12Would you mind going to tell somebody that we're down here, please?
15:15Well, for the love of God!
15:17I don't think those kids are supposed to be down there.
15:20Get us out of here!
15:22Okay, okay, calm down.
15:25We've trained for situations like this and there are standard procedures we follow.
15:31What's the limit on our liability?
15:33No, the press release has to sound sympathetic to the boys, but make it clear it's their fault.
15:38Oh, I gave you back the key to the rifle closet.
15:41Oh, yes I did!
15:46Hey, you folks see the koalas?
15:49Okay, let's take a look.
15:53How is it?
15:55It's much better.
15:57It stopped weeping.
15:59Someone wants to say he's sorry.
16:02Apology accepted.
16:04Okay, I'm going to go take another look for the boys.
16:07Why don't you just rest?
16:10Pal, I don't know what to say.
16:13I just feel awful about what happened.
16:15Do you really?
16:17Of course I do.
16:18Come on, man.
16:19I think we both know that you've been holding a grudge because Lois chose me over you.
16:24Lois chose...
16:26Wait a minute.
16:27Is that what you think?
16:28I just hope this makes us even because I can't feel my feet and you're kind of upside down.
16:33Hal, you've got it all wrong.
16:35I wasn't angry at you.
16:37The whole situation was just too much for me, so I backed off.
16:41What?
16:42I mean, Lois is great, but I wanted to be exclusive and she didn't.
16:46On any given weekend, I didn't know if she was with you or me or Dennis.
16:51Dennis?
16:52Who's Dennis?
16:53No one?
16:54I gotta go.
16:5520 minutes ago, I was worried about which one of us was going to be eaten by a tiger.
17:00Now we can relax.
17:01Okay, kids.
17:02The tigers didn't go for the steaks we threw down.
17:07The problem is they're attracted to you because you're alive.
17:09Like they're natural prey.
17:10There's a butt coming, right?
17:11No.
17:12No.
17:13No.
17:14No.
17:15No.
17:16No.
17:17No.
17:18No.
17:19No.
17:20No.
17:21No.
17:22No.
17:23No.
17:24No.
17:25No.
17:26No.
17:27No.
17:28No.
17:29No.
17:30No.
17:31No.
17:32No.
17:33No.
17:34No.
17:35No.
17:36No.
17:37Well, no.
17:40But we have things under control.
17:42We're going to fire tranquilizer darts at the tigers.
17:46How long do they take to work?
17:48Less than two minutes.
17:49So the plan is to piss them off and keep them awake just long enough so they can take it
17:54out on us?
17:55Hold on a second!
17:59Okay.
18:00These people are idiots.
18:02Mountain, it'll be okay.
18:03it'll be okay yeah do i hope so too but i'm not hoping i know it'll be fine you can't know that
18:10yes i can no you can't yes i can i do i know we'll be fine okay just sit tight a few more minutes
18:20apparently they had a similar situation in dc we're trying to find out exactly what went wrong
18:26there the main thing is everything's gonna be okay see excuse me i need to get through i'm looking
18:38for my kids there's no kids here that's for sure lois pal what are you doing here you should be
18:46lying down yes i should but then i had a conversation with matt who informed me that there was another
18:51guy you were dating while you were dating us oh my god oh my god hell hell i'm sorry i i meant to tell
19:03you i i i i should have told you i just i could never find the right time and i was never that
19:08serious about larry anyway who the hell is larry i'm talking about dennis dennis right that's who i
19:17meant oh my god who are you hell please can we discuss this tonight i don't know lois maybe you
19:24have a date okay in the first place this was all over 20 years ago and second it doesn't matter
19:31because i love you and third you're the one dating that slut manicurist and here is where we put the
19:40houses for the houses for the horses but here will be your office you have pins in one drawer and paper
19:48in the other first i put them in the same drawer together but no that did not work but if you want
19:56to try it that way you're the boss huh here is zeke zeke meet francis howdy how y'all doing
20:05he is the new ranch foreman he will be in charge of the livestock of the feeding schedules of the
20:12equipment rental well everything i must go and set up the buffet i'm sure you have lots of cowboy
20:22things to talk about all right look i might as well tell you now because you're going to find out in
20:32about 30 seconds anyway i'm not a real cowboy my name isn't even zeke it's murray and i have no idea
20:40what the hell i'm doing around here you have no idea i've never worked on a ranch in my life really
20:46yeah i've never even been near a horse you don't put quarters in oh that's great listen you know you
20:53stepped into a gold mine here i mean the people who run this place are absolute idiots i don't know
20:59they seem really nice nice isn't the word for it i mean you don't have to do a lick of work and
21:03they'll still pay you you're kidding i'm telling you all we gotta do is watch each other's backs and
21:09we can milk these people for all they're worth what do you think i think you're fired
21:19now if you'll excuse me i'm going to find out if this is for me or the horse
21:24you broke our agreement we never had an agreement it was a mutual understanding at least on my end
21:34you are overreacting so i was dating a few guys when we met what difference does it make a few
21:40well how many were there louis don't you get it it doesn't matter you won it's history it's over
21:48your engagement ring is not a family heirloom what i lied to you i bought it so you bought it for
21:58someone else
21:58someone else i'm sorry i i have kept that secret for so many years it's haunted me look i i always knew
22:09that i had to tell you but i didn't know how who was it
22:14vera fawcett
22:18i was 15 i knew there were a lot of guys after her but i thought that if i had an actual ring
22:25to give her that i would stand apart from those other idiots
22:28i'm sorry i didn't tell you this before now
22:33well why don't we just call it eve
22:37hey randy it's bill are those two kids still trapped in the tiger den
22:44okay everybody calm down calm down i'm obviously just picking up a transmission
22:51from the zoo down the road
22:54reese and malcolm malcolm and dewey reese wouldn't last 30 seconds
22:58i think stanley's getting angry
23:04you named them
23:06that's stanley that's french fry
23:09dewey i want to tell you something
23:13i love you
23:15don't say that
23:17it's true i love you so much
23:19you're just saying that because you think we're gonna die
23:21this is all part of your hating life thing
23:24you're wrong i love life i realize that now
23:27it's imperfect but i love that too
23:30and i love mom and dad and francis
23:32and even reese i love you all
23:34stop it we're going to be fine
23:37why don't you stop it dewey
23:38why don't you stop pretending everything's great and tell me you love me okay
23:42we're not going to die
23:44yes we are
23:45we're gonna die
23:46this is the ultimate proof that i was right all along
23:49and i don't need some stupid little kid giving me fake reassurances
23:52well i don't need some crybaby brother
23:55taking all the fun out of being at the zoo
23:59oh my god
24:01you're just in a bad mood
24:04we'll get out of this
24:05no we won't give it up dewey
24:07superman isn't gonna fly in here and save us
24:09in your face goat
24:17who's laughing
24:18ever since the zoo i've had a new lease on life
24:34it's amazing how something as simple as almost being eaten by tigers can put things in perspective
24:39it just feels so good to be happy again
24:41of course
24:45why do i always have to learn my lessons the hard way
24:49no one else does
24:50i mean why does the universe think it has to almost kill me to get a point across
24:55my life sucks
24:57i'm going to bed
24:59no francis everything turned out fine
25:02we agreed not to sue them and they agreed not to throw a reese in jail
25:06enough about that
25:07tell me about your new job
25:09oh it's great
25:10i've learned so much already
25:11say while you were at the zoo
25:14you didn't happen to see any animals giving birth
25:16did you
25:17no
25:18why
25:18just curious
25:19never mind
25:20almost there sweetie
25:26just one more push
25:29no
25:30no
25:31no
25:32no
25:33no