Murphy Brown Season 7 Episode 10 Bye Bye Bernecky
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TVTranscript
00:00me with my story today is my good friend i said my good friend of mr dog
00:08anyway today's story is about a cat named hillary who tries to carry her basket full of universal
00:18health care past the big dumb green dog to live in a house called cutler whoa whoa what kind of
00:26story is this what's the matter with it well aside from being derivative and simplistic it's way too
00:32literal well let's just see what our audience thinks shall we excellent idea
00:38well it's a good thing he hasn't learned to throw tomatoes yet
00:46wow clothes before we even open i feel like fay dunaway in sunset boulevard
00:52nope that's showbiz hey big man come on how would you like to get some cocoa and
01:04graham crackers huh were you aware that after bad reviews euripides himself binged on the exact same
01:11thing hi there oh my boy oh boy would you look at this place i mean i knew you would have a lot of
01:23good stuff but this can i help you look at this ceiling that mural it's a masterpiece i gotta get a
01:34better look
01:35oh baby what are you doing get the hell off my floor i thought that we discussed the lipstick marks on the
01:44milk car oh my god you killed someone
01:47you're too thick and i'm gonna dig the hole
01:50alden
01:51ma
01:53alden
01:54ma
01:55alden
01:57why doesn't this surprise me
02:01this is this is my mother rena bernicke
02:06hello mrs bernicke nice to meet you
02:09please who's mrs bernicke call me ma okay sure
02:17ma what are you doing here
02:21oh god who's sick who lost their job who needs a transfusion of the very rare bernicke blood
02:28i i only have the one kidney left you know
02:32relax nothing is wrong you must be so tired from your trip you
02:40god where where are you staying
02:43well where else but with you i just have to freshen up a little then we can go
02:51down the hall and to your right
02:53wow i just i can't believe you're really here
02:58oh man you gotta get me out of this
03:01you cannot stay with me
03:03excuse me aren't you the man who had an entire troop of chinese acrobats stay at your apartment
03:09for a month
03:09yeah but they slept in the tub and kept it themselves
03:12look if you must know i'm working on a brand new series of paintings at my place
03:19nudes
03:22all right they're self-portraits
03:25now look i know that it's not anything she hasn't seen before but she hasn't seen it in a long time
03:32okay okay i get the picture so why don't you put her up at a hotel
03:37oh it's only that simple
03:39you know the bernicke's have always had a very strange and irrational fear of hotels
03:44we think it dates back to third century bulgaria
03:48something about a chamber pot three sickly goats
03:53and the mysterious disappearance of a hunched back serving wench
03:57uh-huh so what are you gonna do with it
04:02well i
04:06oh no eldon
04:11you know how i feel about house guests i don't even like sharing my lane on the highway
04:16it would only be for a couple of days
04:21you can consider it repayment for the time i drove through that hurricane
04:25to indulge your rather unfortunate big mac attack
04:28okay okay she can stay but for the record it was a tornado and it was a taco bell run for the board
04:35your uh your sink drips i happen to be pretty handy with a toolbox but then you'd have to be when your late husband was the super of a four-story walk-up
04:51oh god love him but the man couldn't climb out of his underpants without breaking a sweat
04:56breaking a sweat
04:58is this drywall
04:59uh uh never never mind uh uh she has something that uh she would like to ask you and uh i don't think you're gonna like it
05:08uh uh mrs bernicke i uh
05:10ma i i have a lot more space than eldon so why don't you stay here in the guest room
05:19oh no no absolutely not and we are insulted that you would even make such an offer
05:26i'm very sorry that you had to hear that
05:29okay in that case
05:30however if a greater insult will be visited upon you by our refusal
05:35well then reluctantly we must accept i'll take your bags upstairs
05:40either you owe him a favor or he's been painting those nudie pictures of himself again
05:49remember once
05:53oh have you seen my keys i could have sworn they were in my purse but now
05:57ow
05:59help me
06:03he took avery to the park boy he wasn't kidding about that set of pipes on you
06:11look i made flimkin it's an old bernicke specialty which loosely translated means pig's bowel
06:22but i think that's mainly because of the shape can i cut your piece
06:26no no thanks i'd like to know what happened to my living room
06:30oh amazing isn't it it's got a lot more uh what do you call flow i don't know who your decorator
06:38was but they obviously didn't know the meaning of the word flow i didn't have a decorator
06:43you're telling me
06:45now how about that flimkin
06:49no i don't want any flimkin i wanted great my carpool's here jim shows a fit if i'm late
06:57and you try to save time by shaving your legs in the car and oh
07:01jim dial is out there oh i would love to meet him i'm sure he'd love to meet you too except this
07:12really isn't you hello come on in no no no don't come here just stay in the car i need to get my
07:18keys don't get out oh god they're getting out of the car this is so exciting i hope i look all right
07:27what is it this time murphy oh hey what'd you do to your living room this looks terrific
07:34well murphy well it's about time it's got a much better uh i don't know um flow
07:46hello hello uh guys this is ellen's mother she's staying with me for a few days rena bernicke fyi
07:54oh hey i found my keys we can go wait a minute do i smell flimkin just made some up fresh would you
08:06like a little maybe another time we really have to get going here we go there's a piece for you
08:14and you and i don't want to forget you and i have a nice big piece for you
08:21so miss murphy what all do you have planned for your stay here in washington there is so much to
08:27see and do here you should get out and see the city well actually there is one thing i've always
08:33wanted to see how you put together a show i mean you know what goes on behind the scenes it sounds so
08:40interesting you know what in fact it's actually uh pretty dull it's dull no no great idea we can show
08:48you around the studio hey why don't you come along with us right now absolutely well you know miles
08:52i think corky's car is already a little crowded as it is come on murph there's always room for one
08:57more well i doubt she wants to be packed in like a sardine frank i don't think you want to be
09:01packed in like a sardine you know really nobody does right guys hey there you must be murphy's new
09:20secretary nice try doing that look-alike bit but you are not fooling anybody fella you got a little
09:27five o'clock shadow right here everybody fair enough i've been chased out of my office by lena the
09:33flimkin queen hey ma hi frankie is there another snack out here oh great oh okay
09:43it works that's a pretty color on you
09:52i can't take it anymore frank the woman is driving me nuts you know i kind of like her she fixed my
09:58button if she's really bothering you that much just go in there and tell her to stop i would except
10:05i've been trying to get maintenance to fix those shelves for years if she pops her head out again
10:10until i need those pants back by friday afternoon slugger i have to tell you that rita is a light
10:19she's not you too jerry i was sure you'd be more annoyed meyer than i am oh true she's been a tad
10:26attentive but let's face it the embarrassment of being called sweet cheeks in front of the boys in
10:32the mail room is a small price to pay for a hot towel shave this close oh murphy i gotta go home and
10:41start dinner now don't forget i'm making something special for you and eldon tonight oh goody when you
10:48go back into your office don't mind the fumes although if your eyes start stinging rush to the nearest sink and
10:56and juice vomiting oh god i just had a horrible thought she's a bernicky maybe once you get them
11:07in your house they never leave who rena i like her she kind of reminds me of my nana silverbrook
11:14it's the flanken she must put something in the flanken i'll tell you one thing she sure is proud of
11:22her son when i was showing her around the studio it was eldon this and eldon that oh by the way you
11:28need a few days off to look for a new nanny do it now because i will not be able to spare you later on
11:33what i just thought you might want to get a jump on it you know with eldon leaving and moving to spain
11:38and studying painting and you don't know what i'm talking about do you is that my car
11:41tell me exactly what she said you know now that i think about it she might not have been talking
11:51about eldon does she have another son named sheldon miles
11:59melden miles okay all right she said that eldon was invited to spain to study with some mural artist
12:08diego garcia and that he was definitely going to do it because he can't be a nanny the rest of his life
12:15eldon's leaving i'm sorry from the way she was talking i thought for sure you knew
12:21eldon's leaving i'll kill him
12:35eldon where are you eldon i wonder if it's possible for paint to actually
12:42could okay elvin let's have it when exactly were you planning to tell me well i didn't think i had
12:49to but if you want me to uh put your furniture back the way it was i mean that's no skin off my nose
12:57mars way does have a vastly superior flow forget about your furniture eldon i'm talking about
13:03you're quitting but you're going to spain to study painting with this diego garcia guy diego garcia
13:13isn't this someone you're supposed to call when you start hitting the hooch again
13:19are you telling me you've never heard of this guy garcia oh what are you kidding he's probably only the
13:25greatest muralist alive today i mean uh studying with him would be like well you studying with uh
13:36geez i'm trying to think of the world's biggest pain in the butt journalist but you're probably it
13:46well if you're not leaving why did your mother tell miles that you were what
13:55i don't know who cleans your kitchen but you should hang on to them the pans the oven the stove it's
14:05like none of that stuff has ever been used did you tell somebody that i was quitting my job
14:13and moving to spain to study painting with diego garcia let me think
14:20now why would why would you do something like that why would you just make something up like that
14:28i didn't make it up you always used to talk about it he even wrote mr garcia a letter saying he would
14:38do anything even take out his garbage just for the chance to watch him paint
14:43is that true elder you wrote him a letter well like eight years ago was just just a stupid fantasy
14:53i mean i didn't even send the damn thing no but i did i was gonna wait and save this until after dinner
15:03he wrote back alvin he finally wrote back apparently if you're a genius you don't have to show the
15:15courtesy of a prompt reply jacob or steel wants me to come paint with him let me see that and he doesn't
15:27mention a word about emptying his garbage so i would just shush about it when you get there isn't this
15:37great great that no no it's not great i can't go to spain well what are you talking about that's
15:45what you always wanted well maybe it was but but but not now i've got responsibilities here all right i
15:51understand avery is a darling boy and i know you care for him but you have to live your own life
15:58i mean it's not like he's your child he's not is he no just checking look i'm sure murphy will find
16:07another nanny i could even fill in for a month or two until she does oh no it's okay really no no don't
16:15don't you worry about it i'm i'm not going anywhere i'm staying right here but alvin no no there's no
16:22buts about it now i don't want to hear another word about it that's it
16:35sorry about that no it's okay i was just wondering how i'd ever replace you
16:43i can be a pretty hard person to please the devil you say
16:53i can't help thinking though it um must be pretty hard to pass up a dream like that
17:02well you know i also wanted to marry that malon gold digger on the dean martin show
17:09i don't know what my mother was thinking aren't you just trying to be a good mother
17:21i'd like to think i'd do the same thing for avery yeah
17:26i don't believe i'm saying this eldon but i think you should go
17:31oh come on not you two you haven't been eating her flimkin have you
17:41look you know it's not like me to put the needs of others before my own
17:46the last time i did it was when i gave that cab to that woman in labor and even then i made her drop me
17:51off first so when i tell you you should do it i i think you should go well forget it i'm not doing
18:00it when i took this job i said that i would stay here until it was finished that's what i promised
18:04you and a bernicky does not break a promise it's okay eldon you can leave with a clear conscience
18:10we'll be fine i got lots of work to do here there's the there's the mural in the upstairs bathroom i have
18:15to have to redo the living room there's the bedrooms the kitchen it's sort of like well it's sort of
18:23like painting the golden gate bridge when you get to the end you realize you just have to start all
18:27over again then there's touch-ups there's always touch-ups and i cannot understand how a person with
18:32only 10 fingers could leave so many fingerprints what am i even wasting my time for i mean i just
18:38have a lot of work to do that's ellen you're fired oh get out of here
18:48get out of here get out of here you're serious
19:18i mean six and a half years on one job that's that's a lot of packing up
19:45you're done oh you're done how could you be done well i have to be my plane leaves in a little
19:52while oh that would be the uh plane to spain good thing it's not raining because you know the plane
20:04to spain falls mainly in the rain yeah oh listen there's there's something i should tell you yes
20:19there's some wet paint in the hallway i touched up the um the hall cabinets
20:24uh
20:30elder listen okay i know we said our goodbyes already i tried to tell him that but he forced me
20:37to bring him to bring him out here at crayon point
20:51remember we talked about this
20:54i'm going to school
20:55and this school is very far away but i'm going to send you a lot of letters
21:03and i'm going to come see you as soon as i can okay and while i'm gone would you do a favor for me
21:13i want you to listen to your mom because believe it or not
21:23she actually doesn't know what she's talking about
21:31bye-bye big man eldon listen to me when you get over there don't eat the tacos you don't know what
21:38they put in those things
21:41it's mexican food mom i'm going to spain oh in that case knock yourself out
21:51i'm gonna miss you i'm gonna miss you
21:57okay come on avery i'll show you how to take apart a refrigerator putting it back together that's the
22:07hot pot
22:09it's gonna be great with him you know
22:12she's just okay with you oh you're not gonna get all mushy on me are you yeah pretty much
22:29well
22:29this is it yeah i guess it is
22:48well you know
22:51when i first saw this place
22:52man it was really a mess the face floors were all rotted and walls were warped the ceiling
23:04forget about it
23:08well it took me a little longer than i thought
23:13okay a lot longer but you know what
23:24i think i did some pretty good work here
23:29you did great work here
23:31miracles
23:41i'll tell you what
24:08i'll give it the next time
24:11are you tired of doing stuff
24:28yes
24:29then watch easy tv summer it's four effortless hours of your favorite show followed by four
24:34equally effortless hours of your other favorite show
24:37well you make it sound easy easy tv summer starts this tuesday at 10 only on nick at night
24:51you