Comedian Ian Bagg on The John DeBella Show
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00:00Ladies and gentlemen, coming back to the studio, and with his massive presence, is the one
00:22and only Ian Bagg.
00:23Good morning to you.
00:24Did you just call me a fatty?
00:25No.
00:25Is that what you just did there?
00:26Just massive man.
00:28Hey, guys.
00:28Nice to see you, fella.
00:30Wait a second.
00:30Hang on.
00:31Steve.
00:31What?
00:32Are you standing on the squatty potty?
00:34No.
00:35What?
00:35Hey, you want to turn my mic on?
00:37Okay.
00:37No.
00:38Are you sure?
00:39Positive.
00:40It's over there.
00:40Is it?
00:41I'm this tall.
00:42Are you?
00:42Because the last time Ian was in, you barely made it over his shoulder.
00:46I'm wearing Taylor's heels.
00:48Is that what it is?
00:48Okay.
00:50He's all grown up.
00:51You are a big man, sir.
00:53Yes, I'm 5'8".
00:54Uh-huh.
00:56She brought two heels today?
00:57I'm 5'8".
00:58I feel like everybody in here is tiny.
00:59You guys want to get in a Honda Civic and go for a ride around town afterwards?
01:06You tidy little men.
01:07Come on now.
01:09Now, are you originally from California?
01:12No.
01:12I'm originally from Northern British Columbia.
01:14Really?
01:15Yeah, in Canada.
01:15I'm actually from the same area as Jim and Joe Watson from the old Flyers.
01:21Okay.
01:21All right.
01:22But you live in California now?
01:24Yeah, I live in California.
01:24Yeah.
01:24You get a chance to get out of Northern British Columbia.
01:26You take it.
01:27Yeah.
01:27And don't you live on the beach?
01:30I do live in the beach.
01:31I live in Long Beach, California.
01:32I live in Belmont Shore.
01:33We live right on the water.
01:34It's pretty fantastic.
01:35I have no idea what I've done, but my life is great.
01:38Okay.
01:39I started out in a small Indian logging village, a town where it rained probably about, I would
01:47say, 280 days a year.
01:49Wow.
01:50So like here.
01:50Yeah.
01:51Like here this summer, that's for sure.
01:53And I just, I somehow ended up in America.
01:56I have no idea.
01:57I came as an illegal alien.
01:59So when they talk about all these illegal aliens, I'm like, I just like, yeah.
02:06I snuck across the border via a train from Montreal to New York.
02:11And I'd never been to New York before.
02:13And I remember when the train pulled into New York, I was like, oh, I've made a mistake.
02:18And I didn't have any place to stay in this.
02:20When I got off the train, there was a thing for a youth hostel.
02:23And I lived in a youth hostel for a month for $14 a night.
02:27That's not bad.
02:27Yeah.
02:28So, and then I worked at a club called the Comic Strip.
02:31And they'd give me $25 a night.
02:33Sure.
02:34I'd have $11 extra.
02:35Right.
02:36He can do math.
02:38That's amazing.
02:38I was good times back then, boy.
02:40Oh, $11 back then.
02:42You were, oh, let me tell you about it.
02:44It was fantastic.
02:46In New York City, I was living huge.
02:50You walk out of the house with $11 in your pocket today.
02:53Tiffany's.
02:56Baby, I'm going to come back with something nice for you.
03:00You sit over there, baby.
03:02I got $11.
03:05That's prison money.
03:09Yeah.
03:10I ended up being seen by the people from Conan O'Brien.
03:12And they wanted me on the show.
03:13And they got me my green card and helped me out get in.
03:15Really?
03:16Yes.
03:16Oh, that's great.
03:17Yeah.
03:17That's great.
03:18Yeah.
03:18Has Conan gotten his green card yet?
03:20I have no idea.
03:21I don't think he should.
03:22I think he should be asked to leave back to his little Scottish town or wherever he's from.
03:26He's Irish.
03:26I think he's Irish.
03:27He's Irish.
03:27The red, as soon as the red people.
03:29That's really who we have to watch coming into this country.
03:31Steve comes from the red people.
03:33Are you from the red people?
03:33I got a red-headed son.
03:34Oh, I'm surprised.
03:35Oh, that's weird.
03:36Step?
03:37No.
03:37My mom and my sister have red hair.
03:38So we got it.
03:39It's in the family.
03:39Oh, it just pops up every now and then?
03:41Yeah, every so often.
03:42The Cincinnati Bengals, their biggest problem, why they'll always be an average team.
03:46Too many redheads on their team.
03:47I know.
03:48There's like eight different redheads on that team.
03:51And it's like no redhead has made it through an afternoon game.
03:55They all get sunburned halfway through.
03:57Take me out, coach.
03:57I'm on fire.
04:00Are you much of a football fan?
04:02I enjoy it.
04:03Am I a crazy fan?
04:05I enjoy hard knocks.
04:06I think that really makes me excited about it.
04:09And then I enjoy watching the red zone where you can watch all the games.
04:14That's how I like it.
04:15That's what commercial breaks are for.
04:16Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:17Move it around.
04:18Move it around.
04:19Move it around.
04:19I need to see.
04:19It moves a little too slow for me.
04:22Well, you're not a guy who, let's just say, focuses on something for a long period of time.
04:29Have you been talking to my mom?
04:30I feel like this is some sort of teacher intervention again.
04:34I used to have a teacher that was my history teacher, Henry Drager.
04:40And I would pretend he was David Letterman and I was Paul Schaefer.
04:43Oh, God.
04:45And he'd ask me a question.
04:47And I'd say, well, Dave.
04:48And I'd start playing the desk like a piano.
04:52And he ended up calling my mom.
04:54Is there something we should know about you?
04:55So, how's life in Long Beach, you said?
05:01Yeah, Long Beach, Calvary.
05:03How is life in Long Beach, Calvary?
05:04Yeah, I absolutely love it.
05:06I live there with my wife and two dogs.
05:08And yeah, somebody asked me the other day about living in a city when I was back in my little hometown that I grew up in.
05:14I don't really live in a city now.
05:16I live in a beach community is what I live in.
05:18And so, it's just very relaxing and you never know who you're going to see around the corner.
05:24Well, you say that like, is there a crime problem in Long Beach?
05:27No, the crime problem is it's summertime and girls' bikinis just keep getting smaller.
05:33It's absolutely amazing.
05:35My wife is like, how many times do you have to walk the dog today?
05:40A lot.
05:41A lot.
05:41The sun's changing directions again.
05:43There's a different angle on the other side of the beach today that I got to see.
05:50Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:53What kind of dogs?
05:54I have a French bulldog.
05:56Oh, no.
05:56That is Mini Pearl.
05:57And we have like a mix from the pound.
06:02That's Lou.
06:02Well, you live in L.A. and you're shamed if you don't have a pound dog.
06:07Yeah, you got to have a pound dog.
06:08Purebred pound dog.
06:09How it started was my wife, when she was 18, found a dog in a ditch.
06:13And that dog lived with her for 18 years.
06:15I was eight years of that dog.
06:18And yeah, there was no way.
06:20When that dog was 15, we got a Lou from the pound is how it worked out.
06:27And then when she passed away, Lou had no idea what life was like without another dog.
06:32So I was like, I'm getting a French bulldog.
06:34They look like aliens.
06:37But wasn't one an alien in Men in Black?
06:40There was a pug.
06:41There was a pug.
06:42A pug was a pug.
06:43Okay.
06:44She just runs around the house snorting and stuff and drooling.
06:50And my wife loves her, but yells at her at the same time.
06:53She's like, can we have anything nice?
06:55Why is the expensive dog ruining everything?
06:57Because he's French.
06:58Yeah.
06:58French.
06:59Just sitting in the corner smoking.
07:01Wondering.
07:02Wondering.
07:02And backwards smoke, too.
07:04You call that cooking?
07:08You call that cooking?
07:10It's fine.
07:11She eats everything.
07:12Like my wife will be chopping vegetables and she'll eat carrots and stuff.
07:15And then I'm the dumb one that gives her a little piece of a nectarine and watches foam
07:20come out of her mouth.
07:23Not in that direction.
07:25I'm like, oh, she's eating everything else.
07:27She had a whole chocolate bar yesterday.
07:29I don't understand.
07:29Oh, no, no, no, not that dumb.
07:35Now, what about children?
07:36No, no, you can't breed this.
07:40You got to stop someplace.
07:42I've seen what my parents did, so I have to stop.
07:45Somebody's got to have an intervention at some point.
07:47Now, do you have brothers and sisters?
07:49I have a sister who lives in a smaller Indian village than I grew up in Canada.
07:55And, yeah, she has no kids.
07:57We've disappointed my parents totally.
07:59Yeah, my wife is short, so if we had a child, it would probably be average in everything.
08:05Okay.
08:06All right.
08:06Yeah.
08:07I'm glad because not only comedy, but it does genetics.
08:10Yes.
08:10Well, my wife is gorgeous because that's how entertainment play.
08:15We play over our head.
08:16There's no way.
08:17You've never seen somebody get into entertainment and go, well, she was really nice.
08:24Nobody's ever said that in entertainment.
08:26Everybody's like, well, I've seen the girl that I liked in high school, and yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:35I met a better version of her, and I love her.
08:37I love her very much.
08:39And I'm just happy when she's there when I get home every time.
08:42Yeah, yeah.
08:42And I look like this, so you really don't want to breed that.
08:45Now, are you a hobbyist of any kind?
08:47Or is this something that you do when you're not doing comedy?
08:51I'm very much focused on my career.
08:54When I'm at home, I do podcasts.
08:56I'm writing for shows.
08:58I write for other people.
08:59So I do enjoy continuing.
09:02I enjoy being funny, so I think that's kind of my hobby turned into my career.
09:07What is your podcast?
09:08My podcast is about me buying a house on the Virginia shore.
09:12It's called Ian Bagbott a house.
09:14I picked it up on a short sale, so you have to change things.
09:16My mother-in-law is living in it, and we're turning it into a family vacation home is what's happening.
09:20Okay.
09:21But wait a second.
09:21But your mother-in-law is living in your under-construction house?
09:25Well, you're able to live in it, but things are being changed in it.
09:30And she's one of those ladies, I'm like, Lisa, you've just got to let me know if there's any problems.
09:37Just let me know so I can get ahead of it beforehand if something's bothering me.
09:40But she refuses.
09:42I've been doing bird baths for six weeks, boiling water, because we haven't had a hot water tank.
09:47I'm like, when were you going to tell me that?
09:49When were you going to tell me that?
09:50My wife goes out there.
09:52That's how I find out, and my wife lasts three seconds.
09:54You get a hot water tank in here today if you ever want to touch me again.
09:59And I'm just like, oh, I guess we're not saving any money on the hot water tank.