Dave & Chuck the Freak talk to a listener who suffered an unfortunate accident in the bedroom and fractured his donger. Not only do they speak to him on the phone, but he sent a picture of the damage that they try to process.
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00:00We're going to get right into it here on Dave and Chuck the Freak.
00:10What are we getting into?
00:11Kicking it off with a bang, if you will.
00:16Surprise, surprise.
00:18Surprise, surprise.
00:21It's a dick break surprise.
00:24What?
00:25What?
00:25This listener broke his dick.
00:27Oh, my.
00:28Oh, that's unfortunate.
00:28I thought we were taking a break from dicks.
00:31No, never.
00:32Never.
00:33Never.
00:34Surprise.
00:35This show was built on a mountain of dicks.
00:37I know.
00:38So much more sellable.
00:41This guy who's joining us on the line.
00:44Oh, he's on the phone.
00:45He's on the phone.
00:46I thought we were reading an email or something.
00:48No.
00:49Voice changing technology in effect, Chuck.
00:51I'm hoping it's all working.
00:53As Anonymous is here with us.
00:55Good morning, Anonymous.
00:57Morning, folks.
00:58How are you?
00:58How are you?
01:00I've been better.
01:01You've been better, yeah.
01:02I bet.
01:03So let's start at the beginning, Anonymous.
01:06How did it happen?
01:08What led up to that?
01:09I think we know.
01:10Okay.
01:10Well, I'll keep this clinical.
01:14Yes.
01:14So in doing it from behind, with the person in front of me standing up bent over.
01:22Yes.
01:23Right.
01:23The dog.
01:24I, yep.
01:25And I was moving to kind of reposition the angle.
01:31Okay.
01:31And the other person didn't know that and pushed back.
01:36Stop your push.
01:36I was kind of part way out and going to a different angle, causing it to send.
01:42So communication, communication is important.
01:45Tizz, tizz.
01:47Communication is key.
01:49And right away, well, there's a popping sound and a fair amount of pain.
01:56And right away, it's an instant difference where the diameter or girth, shall we say, expanded to the size of a thermos.
02:12Yeah, I was going to say, they say eggplant, right?
02:16Like they say an eggplant.
02:19Oh, no.
02:19That's actually a really good description because from the middle of the shaft is about where the blood vessels burst.
02:27So everything from that to the tip was normal, but below that was super fat.
02:32And it took on the color of an eggplant very quickly.
02:35Like this happens instantly.
02:37I thought that took a while.
02:38It happens right away.
02:39Think of the blood going down.
02:40Yeah.
02:40All your blood.
02:41It's like a damn.
02:42The shape happens immediately, and then the blood pretty quickly within a minute or two after that because you figure there's so much blood going in there to keep it hard that now all that's escaping.
02:53My God.
02:54Describe the sound again.
02:59Well, you know, there was a lot going on.
03:01It was kind of a popping, cracking sound.
03:05Yeah.
03:05Every once in a while, I have to take a cucumber, and I have to feed it to my fish.
03:10And I just, I just, I snap it in half.
03:15We'll talk about that later.
03:16I snap it in half, and there is like a popping crack sound.
03:22Yeah.
03:22Probably a little bit higher, close, but probably a little higher frequency than that.
03:26Not a lot of bass, more treble.
03:28I don't like that.
03:29I don't like the sounds of that.
03:31And then I left right away and drove to the hospital that was fortunately only a few minutes away.
03:36Could you put your pants on?
03:37Like, was it, could you contain it?
03:40Yeah.
03:40Yeah.
03:41And there was nothing, there was no external bleeding or oozing or anything like that.
03:46Like, how do you do, like, when you get to the emergency room, what do you say?
03:51What do you do?
03:52I broke my penis.
03:53Well, here's the thing with medical care.
03:55You've got to be honest.
03:57So I went in the emergency room.
03:58They said, what's your problem?
03:59I said, I think I have a fractured penis.
04:01And they're like, okay, sit down over there.
04:03There were probably a dozen people in line in front of me.
04:05She was like, what happened?
04:06I described it.
04:07She looked at it.
04:08She's like, okay, put me in a bed.
04:09And, you know, then they come back and do all the other kind of, you know, blood work, EKG, all the usual kind of stuff they do in an ER.
04:16Oh, God.
04:17It's just making me.
04:18And the big risk, what they were concerned most about was whether it had damaged the urethra or not.
04:25Right.
04:25Yes.
04:27A violent.
04:27And they couldn't tell from the MRI.
04:30Oh, no.
04:31And they said, okay, we're, they looked at the MRI and they said, we're scheduling you for surgery.
04:36It'll be a few hours.
04:38Got to go in there.
04:39And then they moved, they moved me into a proper hospital room.
04:43They were all, look, I have to say they were all so professional.
04:47I didn't feel the least bit embarrassed.
04:48Oh, that's good.
04:49Because that's a crazy situation.
04:51You're affecting Jason so much.
04:52He's just doing circles in his spinning chair.
04:54Oh, no, I get it.
04:55I wish I could.
04:56I wish I could.
04:56I'm kind of leaning, I'm kind of leaning down onto the desk.
05:02It's horrible stuff.
05:03I know.
05:03It's not good.
05:04My penis hurts.
05:05I know.
05:06Like, I am in protective mode right now.
05:08I'm trying to protect my genitalia.
05:10I have one more.
05:12It's going to get worse.
05:14What?
05:15Surprise, surprise.
05:16He just said it's about to get worse.
05:18It's about to get worse.
05:19And I have one more.
05:20Before you get worse.
05:21Yeah.
05:22He sent a picture.
05:23Oh, I'm not.
05:24I don't see that.
05:25Oh, my goodness, no.
05:26Mm-mm.
05:27Okay.
05:27Are we?
05:28No, but listen.
05:29You can't.
05:30You can't look at a listener's ding dong.
05:33I won't do that.
05:35Are you ready?
05:35And then talk to one.
05:36Close your eyes, Lise.
05:38I'm just, I can't.
05:39Hold on.
05:40I'm just, hold on.
05:41Let me bring it up here.
05:42So, everybody, you ready?
05:44No, she's not watching.
05:45I'm ready.
05:46I've been thinking about the universe the entire time.
05:48Andy hasn't said a word.
05:52He's just drifted past Alpha Century.
05:55The breaking of the penis terrifies me.
05:57Okay, you ready?
05:57It's not great.
05:58I mean, I am.
05:59It's terrible, but yep.
06:01Oh, my, huh?
06:02What are we about to see?
06:03God.
06:04Holy cow.
06:05Oh, my God.
06:06No.
06:06It looks like a cartoon injury.
06:08It's just wrapped in bandages.
06:10Oh, my God, dude.
06:11Oh, my God.
06:11Oh, my God.
06:13For us people that can't see this.
06:14Well, first of all, everything's purple.
06:16Not just the show.
06:17Everything's purple.
06:17Yeah, everything's purple.
06:19It is wrapped up.
06:20Jason, are you okay?
06:21Yeah, just clean up shop, buddy.
06:26He didn't know he was going to be in the ER that night.
06:28That's tough.
06:28I know.
06:29That is tough.
06:30That's tough.
06:31You don't know.
06:32That's your takeaway?
06:36I don't know why anything else would happen.
06:39Honestly.
06:41Okay, dude, let me ask you.
06:43So, we're looking at your penis, which is wrapped in a bandage, and then your balls, which are purple as well.
06:52Yeah.
06:53Yeah.
06:54Because all the blood leaking out, you know, that's all the bruising.
06:58I mean, the only injury was in the middle of the shaft, but there's so much blood coming out that it covers your entire groin.
07:05I mean, yeah, it's all the way.
07:06It's going up your pubic delta.
07:09Yeah, you're right.
07:10Jesus.
07:10And then a lot of swelling.
07:14We're good here, by the way.
07:15Okay, so, yeah, the worst part.
07:18The worst part.
07:19Thank you, Chuck.
07:20He's almost in his take.
07:22I don't know how long we've got to watch it.
07:25Yeah, to look at it while he's talking to us makes it super awkward.
07:28Like we're talking to it.
07:29Yeah.
07:29Dude, you've been through it, huh?
07:31Yeah, yeah.
07:31And you're so positive.
07:32You've such got a good attitude about this.
07:34I feel like we're talking to him at the right time.
07:36He even sent a photo.
07:37You know, like if we talked to him day one or the day after, I bet it wasn't as gleeful.
07:44Well, dude, first of all, sorry it happened, but thanks for sharing.
07:49Well, look, I recently joined when people call in with other things, so I thought, well, I've got to do my part.
07:55Yeah, thank you, though.
07:56Yes.
07:56I mean, we do appreciate it.
07:58We've got to do four more hours of this.
08:01That's a rough start.
08:03So it's tough.
08:04I'm mentally drained.
08:05Yeah, we base it around his availability.
08:08He's got stuff to do, so that's why we had to get to it.
08:11I see.
08:11Listen, Anonymous, thank you so much.
08:14Let us know how it all works out.
08:16Yeah, I'll give you a follow-up in another four or five weeks.
08:20Okay, man.
08:20You can make book on whether the lasting issue is curve, sensation, pain.
08:26We need to know.
08:27Yeah.
08:28Okay.
08:28We need to know.
08:30All right.
08:30Thanks for calling in.
08:31Thanks, man.
08:31All the best.
08:32Take care.
08:33Yeah, later.
08:34So that is a listener who unfortunately broke or fractured his penis during a reverse cowgirl
08:41with his lady.
08:43Just another weird one.
08:44Just another weird one.
08:46We just got to look at the groin of a man we just talked to.
08:50And his bush and his purple balls.
08:51Oh, yeah.
08:51Quite bushy.
08:53Yeah, it's the only thing.
08:54I mean, such a good guy, but just trim it up a little bit.
08:58I mean, for the lady.
08:58And I don't know if that, was that picture weeks later?
09:02I don't know.
09:02So he didn't, he wouldn't want to go around it.
09:04I think he said that was right then and there after they wrapped it.
09:07So, yeah, the top three positions, by the way, that put you at most risk, guys, of fracturing
09:12your penis.
09:13Missionary is, believe it or not, right there.
09:16Cowgirl.
09:16Well, it could most, it's the most done, probably.
09:19So that brings the numbers up.
09:23Cowgirl or reverse cowgirl, like this guy and doggy.
09:27Well, so, yeah, doggy is what he was doing.
09:28Yeah, that's what he was doing.
09:29I didn't correct you, but.
09:31Yeah.
09:31That's what he was doing.
09:32Yeah.
09:34I guess like missionary, it's just like you get a little bit, the guy gets a little too
09:38excited and maybe the girl tries to shift positions and then that would, that could
09:45do it.
09:46Because either one shifting positions is going to, it can cause a problem.
09:50Imaginary seems safe.
09:52I think so.
09:53But do you ever, you know, like the jackhammer guy, like jackhammer guy might have a problem
09:59if jackhammer guy, if a girl's like, oh God, jackhammer guy, and then moves, like slightly
10:05moves and then it's jackhammer into the side.
10:08That's it.
10:09You got to stay inserted while switching.
10:12It's another suggestion.
10:13Yeah.
10:13Thank you for your personal suggestion.
10:16Sexual, sexual, sexual, sexual suggestions with Jason.
10:19Stay inserted while you change your position.
10:24He's going to sing sexual suggestions.
10:27Someone said it's going to be a long time before I can listen to Purple Rain again.
10:32You know what?
10:34Listen, I haven't seen a.
10:37I've never seen it.
10:37I've never seen a genitals area in that much trauma.
10:42I haven't either.
10:42And we've seen some stuff on this show.
10:44No, it was literally like a wiener had been in a car accident.
10:46Yeah.
10:47Just the wiener.
10:48And we went and visited it.
10:50The wiener was hit by the car.
10:52Right.
10:53You know?
10:54And we went and we brought it flowers or something.
10:56Yeah.
10:57Oh, hey, bud.
10:58You're looking okay.
10:59You're looking okay.
11:01Looking better.
11:01Everything's going to work.
11:02Did you get a haircut soon?
11:03Oh, yeah.
11:04Maybe a nurse can come in here and trim you up.
11:09Elise, I know you didn't see it.
11:10That was Jason's number one takeaway was his manscaping or lack thereof.
11:14That's really 1A, 1B.
11:16You know?
11:16It was like right up at the top.
11:18I'd love if we had the Photoshop skills to, like, just take out the ball area, take out
11:25the shaft so that Lisa could see the surrounding area without having those skills.
11:29We do not have those skills.
11:30We do not have those skills.
11:30We have an imagination.
11:31Yeah.
11:32Send it to me.
11:32I got you.
11:33No, we're okay.
11:33We don't need you, too.
11:34We don't need to go through all that work for that.
11:35Yeah, I guess I don't want to meticulously dissect this.
11:37It's a lot of hair.
11:38I said this man.
11:38We saw it enough.
11:39We watched it enough.
11:40Yeah, don't sign up for that.
11:41She's good.
11:42For five minutes it was on the screen.
11:44That might be the last day.
11:44It was bad, though.
11:45Why did Jason quit?
11:47We made him cut out a penis out of a photo.
11:50So Lisa could see the pubes.
11:52So Lisa could see the pubes.
11:53I could see the pubes, yeah.
11:54You know.
11:55You've seen Uncamped areas before on the show.
11:57You know what it's about.
11:59Remember, if you ever want to reach us about anything, including a broken genital, email
12:03at DaveAndChuckTheFreak.com is the best way to do it.
12:05Email at DaveAndChuckTheFreak.com.