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FunTranscript
00:00This is a busy street.
00:02Pamela.
00:03We really have to get out of here
00:06and get serious about moving.
00:07What would it take to move to the city?
00:09I want to be in the suburbs.
00:12You know, you want to be a city girl, it's going to be lit.
00:14There's going to be a lot going on.
00:16I don't know.
00:17I feel like you're not giving it a chance at all.
00:18You're not.
00:21Welcome in.
00:22You excited to put your dress on again?
00:24Yes, the dress that I love with $3,000.
00:28We can add some mesh here, some pearls, some rhinestones even.
00:31And Nicole is adding some details
00:35from the first dress to the second dress.
00:37All the things.
00:38Good.
00:38Perfect.
00:39And for a lot less money.
00:43I just got a text from my mother-in-law.
00:49Jay is in the hospital.
00:51He went in because of his stomach issues,
00:54but I'm feeling really worried because now his heart rate
00:58has been higher than average.
01:01They did a scan of his heart.
01:03They said his heart rate jumps to 150.
01:06150?
01:07Dang, that is, that's high.
01:09Yeah.
01:09Do you know if you'll want to postpone the wedding
01:12with all this going on?
01:28I will be hoofing over there.
01:38Hello?
01:39Hey babe.
01:40Hello.
01:41Hey, so I was able to get a ride.
01:45OK.
01:46Yeah, because it's been a few days.
01:48And, you know, I don't know,
01:51I just don't want to wait too long to see you.
01:54Jay's been in the hospital for about a week.
01:57They gave him medications to bring down his heart rate,
02:01and I would love to come, like, every day
02:04or for longer periods,
02:06but, like, I don't have that flexibility
02:09like an average person right now.
02:15It's just really hard because, you know,
02:18like, you're in my world, you know?
02:20And I can't, like, go and see you as easily, you know?
02:26It's not fun when your partner's in the hospital.
02:29So I haven't focused on wedding planning
02:31and wanting to move
02:33because that doesn't matter if Jay isn't okay.
02:37You know, last time you were in the hospital for two weeks,
02:40and, like, even though, yeah, like, we know, okay,
02:45you know, you know,
02:47we know the drill and things like that,
02:51but at the same time, like, you don't know, you know,
02:56if it'll turn to the worse.
02:58Yeah, that's true.
03:00Because when, you know, last year,
03:02around this time, actually, you remember?
03:04Like, I went in for one thing,
03:06and I ended up having a blood clot and an infection
03:10and a bunch of things at once
03:12when I just went there for one thing.
03:14Going to the hospital for severe constipation
03:17can be routine for us,
03:19but this time is very different
03:21because he was vomiting.
03:23And so with vomiting
03:25and not being able to keep anything down,
03:27well, not only dealing with, like, your stomach
03:30and things like that,
03:31but now you're getting dehydrated as well.
03:33And then his heart rate was pretty bad.
03:36It was higher than an average,
03:38and so that mixture, it's not safe for us.
03:41Oh, I miss you. I love you.
03:44Yeah, I actually feel I love you.
03:46I look forward to seeing you here,
03:49and I did take some nausea medication,
03:52so that's why I don't sound as excited
03:54as I typically would be.
03:56Well, I didn't appreciate you coming to visit me and stuff.
03:58I know, baby.
03:59Yeah, you don't have to explain yourself.
04:01I know you're not feeling well.
04:03Once I'm there, you're sleepy.
04:05We can take a nap together.
04:07Whatever you're comfortable with.
04:10I don't care as long as, like, I get to see you.
04:14I'm trying not to think of the worst, really.
04:18We just never know, like, when he'll be coming home.
04:24Last night, we got the news that Jay is finally coming home.
04:52The medicine they gave him to lower his heart rate is working.
04:57I'll have to mop later.
04:59I'm so excited because the place feels very quiet
05:03because he's always laughing and always talking.
05:07Jay going to the hospital really made planning the wedding crunch time,
05:15but we've decided not to postpone the wedding.
05:18We're now finally picking up Jay.
05:32He is going to be chomping at the bits to get out of there.
05:36Oh, yeah.
05:37This hospital visit was a little bit different.
05:41I mean, Jay's heart rate was up,
05:43and that wasn't something that we had dealt with in the past.
05:46Right.
05:47So I'm just, I'm really glad he's getting released.
05:50Yes, definite relief.
05:52I'm finally going home after being in the hospital.
06:04For me, I always say that my system has a three-to-five business day delay
06:09on clearing itself out.
06:11I am going to have to speak to cardiologists
06:15and just seeing what's going on with my heart rate.
06:18However, right now, we're going to focus on going home.
06:22Somebody call for an Uber?
06:27You have my phone too, right?
06:29Yeah, I'll take it.
06:30Okay.
06:31You want to get in?
06:32Okay.
06:33Hello, Dad.
06:34What's going on, man?
06:36I'm back.
06:37Glad to have you back.
06:39Somebody needs to do your chores.
06:45Wheels up.
06:46How you feeling?
06:48All things considering, I feel better now.
06:51It feels terrible when your heart rate goes up super high.
06:54Went up to like 150, 160, and it's hard to breathe.
06:59And you're just like, what's happening with me?
07:03Man.
07:04When Jay was younger and he was going to the hospital,
07:08it took us a while to adjust to the fact that there are going to be multiple hospital visits in his life.
07:15There's just no getting around it.
07:17You were always waiting for somebody calling, and it's something wrong.
07:23To this day, I probably still have PTSD.
07:26So even when Jay calls me now, it's still there's that automatic, okay, what's going on?
07:35But in the most recent instances, Jay advocates for himself.
07:41He's an adult.
07:42Not to say that you don't worry, but there's a kind of peace knowing that he can take care of himself and that we can follow his lead.
07:49What are you looking forward to most about being home?
07:52Well, see you, Carmela.
07:53She's been worried about me.
07:55I'm not the one who's typically in the hospital.
07:56But Jay, the thing that you don't know is that she was in almost full on panic.
08:01She was reaching out to us, disregarding the fact, listen to what I'm telling you, dude.
08:11There had already been texts sent, information sent.
08:14Like, I can't understand why she was panicking.
08:17Carmela's just very, like, obvious in how she feels and verbal about it.
08:23When we first got together, that was really hard for me to understand someone being that worried about me,
08:30because I feel like I've just kind of been taught to be strong in all the situations.
08:35Not that she doesn't have the right as your fiancé to worry about you.
08:40I'm not saying that at all.
08:41I'm just saying she was in full panic mode.
08:44You can't get into a situation where you are falling apart every time they go into the hospital,
08:49because then they will fall apart every time they go into a hospital.
08:53They have to believe that I'm going to make it out of this one.
08:56And if they see you falling apart or worried or, you know, scatterbrained about the whole situation,
09:02they will take from your cues.
09:06My dad feeling like she was overreacting.
09:09I really believe that it goes back to that he in particular has a hard time with showing vulnerability in situations
09:18and I think he uses that as a coping mechanism to kind of just be like,
09:23oh, you know, it's all right.
09:25Like, you shouldn't worry about it and just kind of push through.
09:28It's good to have you home.
09:31Hopefully you will be able to get some real rest.
09:33And not everybody needs that.
09:36You know, some people need a little bit more of like a emotionally supportive person in those situations.
09:45I'm okay right now, but I can't guarantee that I'll be okay, you know, next week or next month.
09:55And same thing for her.
09:56You're supposed to be excited to see your dad.
10:09When Jay arrived from the hospital, I was exploring on the inside because I was so very excited that he's back.
10:16It really made the house more complete.
10:20All right.
10:26It's not just like the space of him being gone, but his presence is very bright.
10:33And he really lights up the room everywhere he goes.
10:36And even Cheddar is like, oh, thank goodness I was trying to keep your wheelchair warm while he was gone taking naps on his chair.
10:43Is there anything that I can do for you before I hit up?
10:50No, thank you.
10:51I want to pack your stuff.
10:52Sounds good.
10:53I know it's got you.
10:56I didn't give two girls.
11:00I didn't help.
11:01There you go.
11:02There you go.
11:03All right.
11:04Well, y'all have a good day.
11:05Okay, thank you.
11:06You didn't even take off that tape off of you?
11:09Oh, yeah.
11:10I got it.
11:11I got it.
11:12I got two IVs.
11:13Not two!
11:14Who do I got to fight?
11:15Nobody.
11:16I got one up here, and then I got one here.
11:19They were trying to draw blood.
11:21As you can see, I got all these marks.
11:23But, yeah, I was scared too, though.
11:25Because when your heart rate is going up so fast, like, I felt weak, and then I, like, needed to throw up.
11:30It was just too many feelings all at once.
11:32Heck, yeah.
11:33That's your heart.
11:34I mean, that's like your engine.
11:36And now I got to get a watch to make sure my heart rate's good.
11:39It's, like, so ridiculous.
11:42Anyway, I'm glad to be back.
11:44When you came to visit, that helped.
11:46See, I feel like that's what fixed things.
11:48It's, I'm glad I went.
11:49Yeah.
11:50Then tuition said I had to go.
11:52Yeah.
11:53Even though I know your parents were kind of like, he's good.
11:56Yeah.
11:57He's gonna be okay.
11:58He'll make it through.
11:59He's fine.
12:00No problem.
12:01Yeah, it's weird.
12:02Because, like, they're always so nonchalant.
12:04Sometimes you just don't want to hear every single time, like, oh, you're fine.
12:08Keep going, champ.
12:09Like, it's like...
12:10You got the soldier.
12:11Yeah.
12:12I'm tired of being a soldier.
12:13I want to quit this battle.
12:15Like, you know.
12:16Yeah.
12:17It's a lot of pressure for one person.
12:20I know.
12:21But it's not your security.
12:22It's...
12:23That's why I don't like getting sick or anything.
12:24Because, like, whenever I do, like, what do you...
12:27It just feels like people don't know how to act.
12:29Like, you know.
12:31But, like, they know your situation, so I don't get why it bothers them that you're worried
12:36about the only person that you have, like, in your life.
12:39Like, who wouldn't be?
12:40I just feel like that's...
12:41That's human nature, you know.
12:42Even Cheddar agrees.
12:43Yeah.
12:44I just want everyone to be real.
12:49You know?
12:50Yeah.
12:51And so I just get frustrated about that.
12:54It's okay.
12:59It's really great that, like, you were worried about me, though, because you're better with
13:03showing that kind of care that I, you know, kind of have always wanted but didn't really
13:08get, you know.
13:09And I feel like you're kind of the only person that I can be more honest with.
13:13That's why I'm glad we're gonna move.
13:16When you were in the hospital, I got you something.
13:19Oh, boy.
13:20Being in this hospital made me realize that life is short.
13:24And that's no pun intended, you know.
13:26But, um, it just reinforced the idea of, like, how important it is that we achieve the goal of getting married and moving out.
13:36However, our wedding is a month away.
13:39And I was so stressed because now we're behind with this whole wedding planning because of the hospital stay.
13:46And I feel like it's a little bit my fault.
13:48Whoa.
13:49I love you.
13:50I love you.
13:52You can't lift yourself a little upright.
13:55Yeah, I can hold him for you.
13:57Please, you know, if you don't mind.
13:58I didn't even realize how vulnerable of a position I would end up being in just trying to get a custom suit.
14:05I feel like I'm floating.
14:06Hey, it's the service I provide.
14:10My family, we don't go out to, like, restaurants unless we're talking about something serious.
14:15You saying y'all got just another 10 grand sitting to the side?
14:18Mm-hmm.
14:19I see that one up close.
14:21Now I'm irritated.
14:23We're meeting Jackie, our officiant today for the first time.
14:38Hello.
14:39Hi.
14:40How are you?
14:41Good.
14:42Come on in.
14:43This is lovely.
14:45Hi.
14:46It's been a couple of days since I've been out of the hospital.
14:48I definitely needed a couple of days just to get myself together because as much as we have to get done for the wedding and planning on moving out, I still needed to take some time to regroup.
14:58Well, I'm so excited to meet you guys.
15:00Thank you so much for scheduling the appointment.
15:02Yes, us too.
15:03We found our officiant through a friend of ours who actually had recommended her, and we were really looking for an ally.
15:11And that's open-minded of, like, non-airqual traditional ceremonies that we get to really customize everything.
15:19Do you know a lot of couples will book their officiant last?
15:23They will get their prime venue.
15:26They will have flowers.
15:28They know their colors.
15:30They have everything.
15:31But forget about the legality of this, the purpose of why we're here.
15:36That's part of our story, too, is, like, originally we were worried about when we are able to make it legal.
15:45Unfortunately, disabled people in this country still don't have marriage equality yet.
15:51Mm-hmm.
15:52Yeah.
15:53Getting married.
15:55That piece of paper is your life.
15:57Someone who has a disability in the United States and can't work can receive disability benefits through the government.
16:06And when you marry someone, we can lose that support because now they're looking at more income.
16:14So you have to kind of pick and choose whether, you know, you want to have that marriage support or your health benefits.
16:22And so there was a lot that we had to risk and do in order for us to start the process of getting married.
16:32We've both been on disability benefits.
16:34I mean, I recently got off within the past, like, two years or so.
16:40And she's been off longer than I have because she started working, like, a traditional nine-to-five job.
16:47We have also been blessed to financially be independent.
16:52So us getting married and moving out and all these things, unfortunately, it can be a rare occurrence in the disability communities.
17:01So we don't take it for granted, for sure.
17:05Mm-hmm.
17:07Is there a pet peeve that you guys have about each other?
17:11Like, what's that one thing that drives you crazy that your partner does and that they know about?
17:15Um...
17:19It is not that hard. Come on now. Don't be shy.
17:22No, no.
17:23Say it.
17:24Okay, so he was the only child.
17:26Mm-hmm.
17:27Yes.
17:28So...
17:29He's gotten better, but he's really had a hard time sharing things.
17:33Literally anything. We have, like, a toothpaste story.
17:36I was undiagnosed with autism, okay? I just want to preface that, all right? So it was very difficult having this lady be in my space. When she first came here, like, she asked if she could use my toothpaste. And I was like, you didn't bring toothpaste? Like, and I was, I don't know, like, that sounds really bad, but that was really a problem area for me that she did not have her own supply of toothpaste.
17:59Yeah.
18:00We gotta talk more about this toothpaste story, okay?
18:03And for you, Jay?
18:04Okay. Mine, let's see, let's see. She, she just, uh, she just doesn't believe in herself a lot of times, and that's very frustrating for me, because I am an encourager, so I've, she's been getting better, but she definitely does not see the value that she has a lot of times. That's my pet peeve.
18:22That's my pet peeve.
18:23Okay. Are there any deceased loved ones that you would like to acknowledge during the ceremony?
18:31Yes, for me, I had a friend and, like, mentor, his name was Simon, and he passed away, uh, January 1st, 2022, and we had the same, uh, disability, and so I'd definitely like to mention him for sure.
18:46My friend Simon, like, he didn't know he was gonna die. He felt fine when I talked to him.
18:52Since losing, you know, one of my good friends to this, with, you know, the same condition as I have, and with similar problems, like, it just makes you think.
19:04Life is shorter for us, so it's felt very lonely up until I got with Pamela, because, like, I didn't really have anyone to talk to about it, um, outside of Simon, and so, yeah.
19:19That takes me to my final question. What is your partner's best qualities?
19:24She has a very kind heart. She really cares about people, and I'm autistic, so I kind of, like, mask a lot around people, and she's the only person that I don't. Like, I'm just me.
19:37This is, at least for me, part of making it my best life is getting married to someone that I really enjoy being around, so, you know, I think it's very important to make the most of your time, because no day is promised for anyone.
19:52And also, um, I'm not really used to celebrating big things, like, it's new to me, but, uh, I think that's what's beautiful about our relationship.
20:04You have brought a lot of joy and hope to my life, and I just can't wait to scream at the top of my lungs that, like, you're my husband, you know?
20:13You decided on a style?
20:26I mean, I've looked at some online, like, color scheme-wise.
20:30What color are you shooting for?
20:32Blue.
20:33Are we talking lounge lizard blue?
20:35No, royal blue.
20:38I'm on my way to the tuxedo shop.
20:40I'm super excited, and I decided to bring my dad with me, too, so he can be part of the experience.
20:46With Pamela and I living together, I actually don't hang out with my dad that often.
20:51I think he looks for me to invite him in a lot more.
20:55It's just an opportunity to do that.
20:58So no ruffle trims?
21:00No.
21:03How involved have you been in the wedding plan?
21:06Not much.
21:08Actually, it's been nice for me not to have to plan their wedding.
21:10Yeah?
21:11Would that?
21:12Even nicer, we ain't got to pay for the wedding.
21:14Yeah.
21:20All right, man.
21:21Let's do this.
21:22Got your apple juice?
21:23Yeah.
21:26See some nice selections there.
21:27Oh, yeah.
21:28This is incredible.
21:31How you guys doing?
21:32Good.
21:33I'm Jay.
21:34Jay, nice to meet you.
21:35This is Tariq.
21:36All right.
21:37Rafael.
21:38Rafael, nice to meet you.
21:39How are you guys?
21:40Doing well, and you?
21:41Good.
21:42Thanks.
21:43What brought you in today?
21:44I'm going to be getting married.
21:45Congratulations.
21:47So I got to get my suit life together.
21:48What size do you wear?
21:50Typically, I wear 10 to 12 kids.
21:5210 to 12 kids?
21:53Okay.
21:54My recommendation for you, because we need to do a special sizing to go with the custom
22:01made.
22:02Yeah.
22:03Okay.
22:04Where we measure you and make that suit to your size.
22:05Oh, yeah.
22:06I figured that.
22:07Yeah.
22:08Typically, I have to shop in the kids' section, and with that is a challenge because I'm
22:13an adult, you know?
22:14And so a 28-year-old man is wearing this, and it's just smaller instead of, oh, that's
22:21some child's clothing.
22:22Like, my little nephew wears that.
22:23I'm like, I'm going to have to wear this shirt now.
22:25No, I'm just kidding.
22:26You mentioned to me that you're looking for a royal blue color for your wedding suit.
22:31Correct.
22:32My personal style is important to me because a lot of times, I feel like people see me
22:37as disabled first.
22:38And something that's really been important to me is self-expression.
22:43And I feel like you can do a lot of that through clothing that you wear, or maybe lack
22:47of clothing, you know, up to you.
22:49And then a bow tie, I want a bow tie for sure.
22:52Definitely.
22:53I only love bow ties.
22:55We can get something in royal blue and a velvet, you know?
23:00Can I touch the shirt?
23:02Sure.
23:04He has been in the bow ties since he was in high school.
23:09I don't know where it came from.
23:11He didn't get it from me.
23:12I'm not a suit person, let alone a tie person, and that's even deeper with a bow tie.
23:21We need to do the measurements now.
23:23I'll take the measurements and write it down.
23:25Yeah.
23:26You can't lift yourself a little upright.
23:28Like how much?
23:29Yeah, I can hold him for you.
23:31Please, you know, if you don't mind.
23:32No, no.
23:33I've been lifting him all my life.
23:35All his life, I should say.
23:37Okay, you ready, sir?
23:38I'm going to hold him.
23:39I'm going to hold him.
23:40I'm going to hold him.
23:41I'm going to hold him.
23:42I'm going to hold him.
23:43Is that good?
23:44If you can't hold him where I...
23:45Oh, wait, straight?
23:46Yeah.
23:47Because he don't need to go around.
23:48Well, straight is going to be difficult because I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable.
23:50Like, you'll be behind him and just...
23:51I just started...
23:52Oh, okay, I got you.
23:53You ready?
23:54Then you just lean back on me.
23:55Perfect.
23:56Lean back on me.
23:57There you go.
23:58I'm really glad that my dad is here right now to hold me up to get measured.
24:02I didn't even realize how vulnerable of a position I would end up being in just trying to get a custom suit.
24:09I feel like I'm floating.
24:10Hey.
24:11It's the service I provide.
24:13There have been times where people I thought could lift me up turned out not to be safe.
24:19When I was in elementary school, I did have someone who assisted me due to my physical disability to put me in my chair and things like that.
24:27And they ended up tripping over a power chair cord and fell with me.
24:30So I did have some breaks.
24:32They ended up calling an ambulance and, you know, it's the whole situation.
24:36And I missed school for like a week or two.
24:38I need one last thing.
24:39I want to do the crouch area.
24:41All right then.
24:43What are we going to do?
24:44We want to measure your crouch.
24:46How do we do that?
24:47Uh-uh.
24:48Wait a minute, please.
24:49As I'm going down the lift, someone starts honking, being impatient.
25:00I'm like, ready to tussle.
25:03We want to measure your crouch.
25:19How do we do that?
25:20So the only thing I can think of is by putting him up on my shoulder.
25:23Exactly.
25:24And then I can...
25:25Because they got to get your crouch.
25:27Oh, goody.
25:28Yeah.
25:29This is the custom feel.
25:31They got to know whether to measure left or measure right.
25:34There we go.
25:36They're going to get everything they need for this.
25:39Oh, yeah.
25:40It was your idea to go custom.
25:42This is where you wear your pants, where my finger is, Jay?
25:45Yeah.
25:46Yeah.
25:47This is where my pants are right here.
25:48I had to feel...
25:49Yeah, this is my pants right here.
25:50I didn't know they were going to be all up in the crouch area like that.
25:53So I was like, oh, wow, this is getting...
25:55You know, I haven't even gotten dinner yet.
25:57You know what I mean?
25:58We're very close right now.
25:59That's all I need.
26:0018, Sammy Crouch.
26:01You never knew you was going to have that question to ask.
26:03You did you?
26:04Never.
26:05Here I am.
26:06Where my finger is.
26:07Is this where you wear your pants?
26:08We need to think about Raphael too now.
26:10What are we going to...
26:11Raphael, what he's going to ask?
26:12I'm not getting a suit.
26:13I'm not...
26:14You can just pull yours off the rack.
26:17I'm just...
26:18I pull mine out of my closet.
26:20If it was Ota Mwa's dad, he's a very practical man.
26:24He would not spend a cent on a wedding.
26:27It would be such a boring wedding.
26:29If he had to, like, really spend the money, he would just choose not to.
26:34Thank you all too.
26:35It was a pleasure.
26:36Pleasure.
26:37Thank you so much.
26:38Have a good one.
26:41You didn't wear a suit to your wedding, or did you?
26:46Nope.
26:47We did it.
26:48Justice of the Peace.
26:49Only person that showed up was your grandmother.
26:51Yeah.
26:52We looked at our calendars and said, hey, are you available on this day?
26:56And Bob's your uncle.
26:58We didn't have any support financially for our wedding.
27:03We went to Justice of the Peace and made it work for what we felt we needed.
27:09And we've been married 30 years.
27:11I don't believe weddings create your situation.
27:14You create your situation.
27:16Do you want to do the spectacle?
27:17Do you want the party?
27:18Do your thing.
27:19Not yourself.
27:20Do your thing.
27:21You know, I never thought I would be getting married at all.
27:26Ever.
27:27I didn't anticipate you going down this path either.
27:31Yeah.
27:32I mean, I think it's great for you.
27:34I think that it's important to not to be alone throughout life.
27:40Yeah.
27:41You know, hopefully she doesn't plan on having you carry her across the threshold.
27:46Yeah.
27:47That chair is going to be heavy.
27:49Have you two thought about counseling prior to everything?
27:57Yeah.
27:58It's disgusting.
27:59Some people find that comforting.
28:02Have you ever thought about talking to a financial counselor?
28:05Like, meet with somebody to help explain how that works, your rights and all that stuff?
28:12We researched all that when we got engaged.
28:14It's funny that my dad, you know, thinks that I don't know about finances.
28:18However, like, Pamela and I, we know about disability benefits.
28:23Like, the back of our hands.
28:25Like, Pamela and I getting married, like, of course we discussed about the disability benefits
28:30and, like, how that could impact us.
28:32If for any reason we did need those benefits down the line...
28:37Right.
28:38...then, you know, we'd have to potentially get a divorce or just find...
28:43Have you two thought about the...
28:45I guess, in your hearts, not on paper kind of marriage?
28:51No.
28:52We're still gonna get married.
28:53Okay.
28:54My number one concern as a parent is for Jay and Pamela's well-being.
29:00Right now, they can maintain a lifestyle that keeps them financially stable.
29:06The problem is, because of their condition, they're multiple hospital visits away from being back on government assistance.
29:13I mean, medical debt breaks people...
29:15Yeah, all the time.
29:16...breaks people every day.
29:17That's a tough decision.
29:18Do you choose love or do you choose finances?
29:21And it's easy to say, oh, absolutely finances, but...
29:27We got quite a lot of things that we need to do before the wedding, which is around the corner.
29:35Yep.
29:36I think that Renee and I need to talk to Jay and Pamela about their finances, their plans, their concerns,
29:43because once you make a decision, you have to live with the consequences.
29:50I feel like every time I talk to my parents about us doing anything, it's like, why don't I get sure?
29:55I believe my parents have a very hard time of separating us from our disabilities.
30:01I spent my whole life hoping that I would have someone to be in my life like you are.
30:07And even though it's a little more difficult, like, I'm just glad that we're doing it.
30:25Hey!
30:26Are your towels dirty?
30:28Do you need me to wash them?
30:29Yes, please.
30:30Today is laundry day and, you know, I'm going to have to clear my schedule because it's going to take me all day.
30:37Especially because I have to use a grabber and get each item one by one.
30:42I've seen people just do that swoop.
30:45I'm like, dang, that looks so cool.
30:48But no, I have to do it one by one.
30:50That's cool too, I guess.
30:51You know, if anyone wants to borrow my grabber, you know, we have extras.
30:54Oh my goodness.
30:55Got a lot to do.
30:56Yeah, what?
30:57We got a lot of clothes.
30:58You need help holding that?
30:59What's wrong with it?
31:00It looks a little crunchy.
31:01I'm just going to put it in my stuff.
31:02What's up?
31:03See?
31:04Oh my God.
31:05Yeah.
31:06Well, it's as beautiful as it was going to be.
31:12We do share most of our responsibilities, but she does not like how I do laundry.
31:18And we have...
31:19No.
31:20No, I don't like it.
31:21She doesn't like it.
31:22She can tell you this right here and say, oh, it's not that.
31:25So I told her, hey, you don't like how I do it?
31:26You do it better?
31:27It's not about like, it's just that there's ends up being more of a mess afterwards.
31:32Exactly.
31:33So she doesn't like how I do it and that's fine.
31:34So that goes back to finding out who's better at what and that's fine.
31:39Babe, a lot of things are happening at once.
31:43Oh, I know.
31:44It's going to be a little overwhelming because like, I just want everything to work out.
31:48You know what I mean?
31:49Especially...
31:51I know we don't have much time to find a new place, but I feel like...
31:55Oh, sorry.
31:56It's all right.
31:58I got to get a grabber out here.
31:59That's fine.
32:00But, I don't know.
32:01You just worry that like, if it doesn't happen, you know what I'm saying?
32:05Yeah, like what do we do?
32:07Jay going to the hospital really made planning the wedding crunch time.
32:14Which means we haven't been able to get much done.
32:18Well, hopefully you're at least happy about your suit.
32:21I mean, my dad asked if we wanted to get married in our hearts instead of like, on paper.
32:25What did he say?
32:26I mean, I just, I don't know.
32:27I feel like every time we talk to my parents about us doing anything, it's like, well, yeah, sure.
32:32Like, that it's going to work out.
32:34Like, just once.
32:36Be like, hey, I'm really proud of you guys for taking this big step.
32:40That is, that is the conversation that would be nice to have.
32:45I believe my parents have a very hard time of separating us from our disabilities.
32:51You know, even when we have these important conversations about moving out and, you know, getting married.
32:57Pretty typical, standard things that a lot of adults want to experience.
33:01Whether or not they say it, I think they're just scared.
33:05I, I spent my whole life hoping that I would have someone to be in my life like you are.
33:14It's really a gift, man.
33:16Like, you know, I just, I think about our lives and I think about all the things that we're doing.
33:22And even though it's a little more difficult, like, I'm just glad that we're doing it.
33:26You know, and I'm glad that we're here together.
33:29You know, I thought he was going to shake my hand.
33:31I was like, all right, partner.
33:32It's okay.
33:33Like, you know.
33:34Handshake.
33:35That's it, bro.
33:36Yeah.
33:37The thing that I've been wanting them to understand is what they did was enough to get me to where I am and trusting that, like, I'm going to be okay.
33:47I love you.
33:48I love you.
33:49Ugh.
33:50I'm not crying.
33:51Crying during .
33:52Pulling laundry.
33:53What the heck?
33:54Who knew it would be such an emotional time?
33:57Awesome.
33:58Push.
33:59Listen up.
34:00Watch for what I tell your milligram.
34:02allow it.
34:03I love it.
34:04I love it.
34:05I hate it.
34:06I hate it.
34:07And I run, I'm you've, you've been there.
34:09Grab Foley.
34:10And I'm doing your Siri, I'm doing it, baby.
34:11Jelly for this deal.
34:12Can you wear me, Bob?
34:13Basketball.
34:14Put in your hands.
34:15Wait a minute, please.
34:17Get me out, please.
34:18Beautiful.
34:20I and yo, well there, beloved.
34:22We just arrived at the restaurant, and as I'm going down the lift, someone starts honking,
34:38being impatient.
34:41What the heck?
34:42Like, you got an emergency going on?
34:45Be patient.
34:46Damn.
34:47They need to take it easy because they'll let my man, you know, boxy boxy.
34:56Hold on.
34:57Wait a second.
34:58Calm down.
34:59Jay got a sweet lens of the world.
35:04Me on the other hand, I'm usually the one, like, ready to tussle, like, I'd be like this.
35:10Yeah.
35:11Not my man.
35:12I'm like that at all times, and Jay's like, well, there's got to be a balance.
35:21Pull hard.
35:22Door sticks.
35:23Hold on.
35:24Give me a second.
35:25Hold on.
35:26Just give me a second.
35:27There's two.
35:28Oh, my gosh.
35:29Okay.
35:30I got it now.
35:31Good job, baby.
35:32Yeah.
35:33Hello.
35:34Hello.
35:35How many today?
35:36Five.
35:37Mm-hmm.
35:38My dad called and said he wanted the family to go out for dinner tonight.
35:49My family and I, including Pamela, because she's a part of the family, we don't go out
35:55to, like, restaurants together that often unless we're talking about something serious.
35:59Enjoy.
36:01Because I don't know what to expect, just because there's so many thoughts going on
36:06in my head right now about, like, what's he going to say?
36:09Mm-hmm.
36:10Hi.
36:11Hello.
36:12I'm going to sit you here.
36:13Hi.
36:14How are you?
36:15Good.
36:16How are you?
36:17What's going on?
36:18So we invited Jay and Pamela out for dinner, uh, just so we can check in.
36:23They've got a lot going on within a very short period of time.
36:26Do you like to start with 12 to 13?
36:28Yeah.
36:29Oh, my gosh.
36:30Every time we talk to Jay and Pamela about things that need to happen for them to do
36:37all the things that they want to do, there is frustration in the fact that they mistake
36:43our concerns as parents as a thought that we don't believe in them, which is not the
36:49case.
36:50Food right here.
36:51Color.
36:52Oh, my goodness.
36:54I have the tea red burrito right here.
36:56Oh, my goodness.
36:57That thing is humongous.
36:58All right.
36:59Yoo-hoo.
37:00Let's get this party started.
37:01So, Jay and Pamela, how are you coming with your wedding budget?
37:02Uh-oh.
37:03Good.
37:04Business as usual.
37:05She says, how are you coming with your wedding budget?
37:06Hey, got the food.
37:07Let's get rolling.
37:08We're doing good so far.
37:09Because I already got my dress.
37:10He already picked out his stuff.
37:11Y'all got a budget enough where you can have this grand wedding that you're talking about?
37:18I don't feel like it's grand.
37:19I mean, when we...
37:20It's grand?
37:21Anytime you have a venue and you're talking about feeding people there, having the event
37:28there, dresses, suits, that's an event.
37:30We really are staying within the $10,000 budget.
37:32That's a lot of money, dude.
37:33I don't know where country you live in, but 10 grand is still a lot of money.
38:01For weddings, I just heard people go, like, hello.
38:04Those people are doing something crazy.
38:07Hundreds of guests.
38:09We're not having real flowers, you know?
38:11We're not gonna have, like, real roses and fireworks and all that.
38:16It's gonna be cute and a humble wedding.
38:20There's a trick to saving money.
38:22You invite everybody to the wedding.
38:24Well, you invite the core to the after.
38:28Then you don't have to feed as many people.
38:30Right.
38:31Because that's what people are going to these events for, for the free food.
38:36Well, that's ramping animal for you.
38:39You got it.
38:41I don't agree with it.
38:42I mean, that's why we're having a small wedding anyway.
38:45That way we keep it, you know, real exclusive and to the people that really wanna come and show up for us.
38:52Mm-hmm.
38:53You know, it makes it even more special.
38:56But we will have good food. Don't worry.
38:58Oh, yeah.
38:59I will say this.
39:01Make sure you've got something on the side for emergencies because emergencies come up.
39:08I'm the saver for the emergency room.
39:10Okay.
39:11Everybody's gotta have their role.
39:13You two are talking like everything is just gonna go smoothly.
39:16Yeah.
39:17What did I tell you about when you move out, what you should have in your pocket?
39:20Ten.
39:21Ten grand.
39:22You do the math.
39:23You went to college.
39:24You saying y'all got just another ten grand sitting to the side?
39:26Mm-hmm.
39:27I see that one up close.
39:32So now I'm irritated.
39:34I've lived on my own for about seven years.
39:38Trust and believe.
39:39I know that you have to have money aside for emergencies.
39:44And, you know, we spent two years saving for this.
39:47It's taking a lot of work.
39:49Mostly on him.
39:50I mean, this is something that we've been wanting to do for quite some time.
39:54And no matter what the cost is, like, you know, we're calculating all that.
39:57So we're gonna be getting married, gonna be moving in.
39:59I don't think we need any more family meetings about it.
40:02We just want your support.
40:03You seem so dramatic.
40:06Golly.
40:07It would be nice to have a little more faith in us, you know,
40:11if he showed that he had some faith in us to, like, really make this work.
40:15We are capable, just like any other adult.
40:18We just have to do things a little differently.
40:25Sexy.
40:26Oh, my.
40:27Woo!
40:28Sexy.
40:29Just because we're disabled does not mean we don't have a sex life.
40:31You so sexy, sexy, sexy.
40:32That's how I'm gonna fix her scoliosis.
40:37We were invited to speak at a sex conference.
40:40Pamela's the first person that I've been with sexually.
40:43Like, what if I mess up?
40:44You didn't mess up.
40:45I'm giving your props.
40:48I am getting my hair and makeup test for our wedding today.
40:51Wow.
40:52You're so pretty.
40:53Your dad is not talking to you.
40:55Yeah, no kid is that.
40:56Maybe, yeah.
40:57I've always been more close to my dad than my mom.
41:01So it's been really hard.
41:03With all this wedding planning, I need to get back in shape.
41:06Feel stronger.
41:07Be able to lift you up after this one.
41:09I'm here for that.
41:10Can't wait to get to know you.
41:13Your new trainer.
41:15The trainer.
41:16It's not funny.
41:17Why are you laughing?
41:18Because you did something more than training?