Taskmaster (UK) S19 E02 2025
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00This was a mistake!
00:04Shut up!
00:05Button?
00:14You're mad.
00:16Wow.
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:34Hello and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:37I'm Greg Davison.
00:38I suit things.
00:39I suit this throne.
00:40I suit this suit.
00:42I suit the title of Taskmaster
00:44and I suit the power it affords me.
00:47What can I say?
00:48I suit things.
00:49I suit boots.
00:50I suit fruits.
00:51I suit flutes.
00:52And once I was in cahoots with some mute-newts
00:54about a car boot in beaut.
00:57Proof, if it was needed,
00:59the writing of these introductions
01:00is becoming increasingly challenging.
01:02LAUGHTER
01:03No matter.
01:04Let's take the focus off me
01:05and train the glaring, judgmental super trooper
01:08into the frightened eyes of some human bunnies.
01:11Please welcome...
01:13Fatia El Ghori!
01:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:16Jason Mandzukas!
01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:19Mattie Baker!
01:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:22Rosie Ramsey!
01:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:24And Stevie Martin!
01:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:28And next to me,
01:30a man whose hobbies include bird spotting,
01:33writing songs
01:34and his absolute favourite,
01:36having extra-marital affairs.
01:38LAUGHTER
01:39And Little Elector!
01:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:45Hey, everyone.
01:47Let's get on with the prize task.
01:49And the category this week is...
01:52The snootiest thing.
01:54Ooh!
01:55Ooh!
01:56There will be five points for the snootiest,
01:57one point for the least snooty,
01:59and the episode winner will go home with some really juicy snooty booty.
02:02Greg, honey, take it away!
02:04LAUGHTER
02:05Stevie, have you got some snooty booty?
02:07Yes.
02:08There are, like, canvases you can get made of your pet.
02:11Erm...
02:12And, er...
02:13I got one made of my pet.
02:15Here is a picture of Stevie's pet.
02:17It's on my wall in my kitchen.
02:19LAUGHTER
02:20There she is!
02:26I don't think they've done a tortoise before,
02:28so, like, the neck is very bent at a weird angle.
02:31Where is it there?
02:32And where's the shell?
02:33How did they get her in the uniform?
02:34LAUGHTER
02:37They're so...
02:38Americans are so naive, aren't they?
02:40LAUGHTER
02:41And is that her actual rank?
02:47OK, cool!
02:49OK.
02:50Fatty, you all right?
02:51Yeah, I'm all right. How are you?
02:52Pretty good.
02:53What have you brought in?
02:54My snooty prize is...
02:55Yeah.
02:56..Swiss chocolate.
02:57Here is the bar of Swiss chocolate she's put up.
02:59This is the snootiest of all the chocolates.
03:01Yeah.
03:02Ooh!
03:03Yeah, exactly.
03:04See how snooty...
03:05Look at that.
03:06Yeah.
03:07If you look at the chocolate adverts,
03:08the Swiss ones are so extra,
03:10they've got a little chef and a little hat,
03:12and he's like,
03:13ha, ha, ha, ha.
03:14LAUGHTER
03:15Oh, the old French Swiss chef.
03:19And he's all doing that,
03:20and they're like,
03:21and there's all this music,
03:23and they live in a...
03:24They've got a nice kitchen.
03:26LAUGHTER
03:27They do.
03:28They do.
03:29It's ridiculous.
03:30There's a quarter bar of chocolate in, yep.
03:31LAUGHTER
03:32Jason, what's snooty in America?
03:34Here's the thing,
03:35this was actually very hard for me,
03:37because in America,
03:38snootiness is not a really thing,
03:40so I kind of was at a bit of a loss
03:43to come up with a snooty thing,
03:44but I had a good idea,
03:46I asked my butler what he thought.
03:48LAUGHTER
03:49Geoffreys, get out here.
03:51Oh, nice.
03:52APPLAUSE
03:53Let's go, let's go!
03:54APPLAUSE
03:57As my butler, Mr. Geoffreys,
03:59asked him what was snooty,
04:00because he's British,
04:01and he had a great idea,
04:02show him what you've got under there.
04:03Open it up, come on!
04:04Yes!
04:05Butler for a day.
04:06So, if you win this prize,
04:08he'll come and he'll buttle for you
04:10for the whole day.
04:11Wow!
04:12That is one snooty prize.
04:14Right?
04:15Want a round of applause for Mr Geoffrey?
04:16Yeah.
04:17APPLAUSE
04:21I have brought in
04:23the Oppidun's cap
04:25from The Wall Game
04:26at Eton College!
04:28Here it is.
04:29Oh, my God, that's so snooty,
04:31I don't even understand it.
04:33The Wall Game is only played
04:35one day of the year,
04:37St Andrew's Day,
04:38and it's only played at Eton College,
04:41the snootiest of all the schools.
04:43Did you go there?
04:44No.
04:45How did you get a cap?
04:46It...
04:47I acquired it from a friend.
04:49Is your friend Tom Hiddleston,
04:51Hugh Fernley Whittingstall,
04:53Bear Grylls,
04:54or Alan Shearer?
04:55All alumni.
04:56And it must be one of those.
04:57Hang on, Alan Shearer?
04:58Alan Shearer?
04:59I didn't believe in either
05:00when I wrote it.
05:01Wow!
05:02LAUGHTER
05:03APPLAUSE
05:08Can you give us a vague idea of the rules?
05:12As far as I can tell,
05:13it's a rugby scrum up against the wall.
05:15And where does the snooty hat come in?
05:17That's the hat that the Oppidun's team wear.
05:20The Oppidun's?
05:21Yes.
05:22It's so snooty.
05:24So snooty.
05:25It's beyond language, isn't it?
05:26Yes.
05:27Very posh.
05:28My snootiest thing is a red wine decanter.
05:31I believe that you've started to drop your North East accent
05:34to introduce this.
05:35Sorry, what?
05:36LAUGHTER
05:37I don't know what you're talking about.
05:38If Alan Shearer went to Ethan then, so did I.
05:41No, I brought a red wine decanter.
05:43OK, here it is.
05:44Because not many people have these.
05:46I go to friends' houses and they just pour me red wine out of a bottle.
05:49LAUGHTER
05:50And I think, you haven't got a decanter.
05:53Have you got a decanter?
05:56We've got three.
05:58LAUGHTER
05:59Wow.
06:00OK, well, that is everyone great.
06:01It's really tricky, actually, because one of them I don't understand.
06:04Still.
06:05I remember the Swiss chefs are making their chocolates in kitchens.
06:09LAUGHTER
06:11LAUGHTER
06:13I'm trying to work out who I'm going to give one point to.
06:16Not me!
06:17It's going to be the chocolate or the decanter,
06:19but I just can't work out which is the least snooty.
06:21You can buy Swiss chocolate in any shop.
06:23You can, like in a supermarket.
06:25Yeah, no, but you can make a decanter.
06:26All I have to do is get a plastic bottle and chop the top.
06:29That's a decanter.
06:30LAUGHTER
06:31No!
06:32I won't have it!
06:33I won't have it!
06:34I won't have it!
06:35Swiss chocolate is made in Switzerland.
06:38Switzerland!
06:39LAUGHTER
06:40And that, my friend, is the final nail in the conference.
06:43LAUGHTER
06:44One point to the chocolate.
06:46One point to the chocolate?
06:47Yeah.
06:48Rosie's decanter, two points.
06:51OK.
06:52We'll have the hired butler with three points.
06:54OK.
06:55I love the snooty tortoise.
06:57Right.
06:58And Matthew's thing is so snooty I still don't know what it is.
07:01It's got to be the snootiest thing, so five points to Matthew.
07:03There you go.
07:04Well done.
07:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:08Very good.
07:09Touch time!
07:10Oh, yes, it is.
07:11And just like Dr Dre, we're going down to the lab
07:14to lay down some cool tracks and generally have a really nice time
07:17while we're there.
07:18LAUGHTER
07:29Hi.
07:30Hi.
07:31Hello.
07:32Hi, Jason.
07:34What's up?
07:35Welcome to the booth.
07:37This is good.
07:38This makes me feel a bit at home.
07:40Commentate on yourself achieving something really tricky.
07:44Then achieve that really tricky thing.
07:47Most iconic really tricky thing achieved wins.
07:51You have five minutes to record your commentary.
07:54Then 15 minutes to achieve that really tricky thing.
07:59RTT is what I'm going to abbreviate it for from now on.
08:02Your time starts now.
08:04You're going to commentate on yourself as if you're watching yourself
08:07on that telly.
08:08Right.
08:09But you're commentating on your future self.
08:10Oh.
08:11So whatever you describe, you've then got to do.
08:13I've got to do.
08:14But it's got to be really tricky and iconic.
08:16What tricky things can you do?
08:17I was thinking about escapology, but I mean...
08:20I can't actually do that.
08:24Can you do anything tricky?
08:29I was going to just lie down.
08:31LAUGHTER
08:32APPLAUSE
08:34So, RTT.
08:37I enjoyed that abbreviation.
08:38I like an abbreviation, do you?
08:39You do.
08:40You do.
08:41You do.
08:42He does.
08:43Let's see some tricky stuff.
08:44So, they had to commentate on themselves doing a really tricky thing
08:47before they did the really tricky thing.
08:49Stevie and Rosie are up first, i.e.
08:52are the last two letters of their names.
08:54And remember, they chose to do these things.
08:57OK, the moment we've all been waiting for.
09:00Here she is, Mrs Rosemary Ramsey.
09:03We've been waiting for this all year.
09:05She's making her way into the dome.
09:07Now, you may not know this at home, but Rosie has a very, very special way
09:10of getting ready for the competition.
09:13If you've seen her before, you'll know.
09:14There she is.
09:15What she likes to do, well, you're going to see it in a minute.
09:17She likes to have a little sniff of the air.
09:19Yeah.
09:20Good old scratch of the genitals.
09:21Yeah.
09:22From and back.
09:23Oh, that's a new one.
09:24That's a new one.
09:25She's never done the back before.
09:26All right.
09:27She is ready for this competition.
09:28OK.
09:29OK.
09:30And it's coming.
09:31Yes.
09:32There it is.
09:33Every time.
09:34This is what she does.
09:35Projectile vomiting.
09:36Here she is.
09:37Martin.
09:38Stepping up to the plate.
09:39Is she behind the line?
09:40Yes.
09:41Quick check.
09:42She's behind the line.
09:43She bends.
09:44She has a few bends.
09:46I think that's too many bends.
09:49Ah, sick from Martin there.
09:51Alex looking pretty frightened.
09:53Here we go.
09:54She's ready for the question.
09:57The adjudicator is ready.
09:59All right.
10:00There we go.
10:01Nine times nine.
10:02Come on, Rosie.
10:03You can do this.
10:04She's getting her fingers out.
10:05Sadly, Rosie didn't do very well at school.
10:07So she's going to use the tactic that she was taught in year five months.
10:10This is it.
10:11This is it.
10:12Come on.
10:13Come on.
10:14Come on.
10:15We're ready.
10:16Come on.
10:17What is it?
10:18What is it?
10:19You know this.
10:2081.
10:2181.
10:22She's done it.
10:23She's done it.
10:24She's done it.
10:2581.
10:26Oh, she's vomiting.
10:27It's okay.
10:28It's okay.
10:29No, she's going to have nothing left.
10:30Well done, Rosie.
10:31Brilliant.
10:32Brilliant.
10:33She's flexing.
10:34She's flexing her arms.
10:36And you can see her flexing her arms.
10:38She's going.
10:39And she's off.
10:40She's off.
10:41She's over.
10:42And she's headed it right into the top corner.
10:43Yes.
10:44Let's see that again.
10:45I'm presuming there's a three-play.
10:48Yes!
10:58Oh, wow.
11:00Look at her go.
11:01Quite an intense celebration there from Martin.
11:04Ah!
11:05She's doing a forward roll.
11:06Oh, her and Alex high-fiving.
11:08Yeah!
11:10Look to see it.
11:19What is this sport?
11:22So, I've never done a leapfrog before.
11:24So, I wanted to do that.
11:26I've also never scored a goal.
11:27So, I thought I could do both simultaneously and crucially,
11:30while I was in the air, I thought that would be quite tricky.
11:33I mean, you landed perfectly on his back.
11:35Yeah!
11:36Scrambled his head around.
11:37But it was genuinely impressive.
11:39Now, Rosie.
11:40Yes.
11:41As far as I can work out, the sport is...
11:43Tricky numbers.
11:45Yes.
11:46Well, that's the way you might describe it.
11:48LAUGHTER
11:49I mean, literally, what I saw was a woman touch her privates...
11:53LAUGHTER
11:54..and then round her back.
11:55Yeah.
11:56You vomited.
11:57Yes.
11:58You did a rudimentary maths sum.
11:59Yeah.
12:00You vomited again.
12:02Tricky numbers.
12:03All right.
12:04Classic RTT.
12:05Tricky.
12:06Do you know the trick of the nine times tables on your hands?
12:08I mean, I think probably everyone in the room can do this.
12:11LAUGHTER
12:12Let's see how fast you are.
12:13Seven nines?
12:1463.
12:15BUZZER
12:16Must be another one.
12:17But I'm not impressed.
12:18It's awesome.
12:19You can't go over nine for this system.
12:22So, I can't say 11 nines?
12:24Oh, no.
12:25LAUGHTER
12:27OK, time for a break.
12:29Here we are, Alex.
12:30That's it.
12:31Good boy.
12:32Good boy.
12:33Good boy.
12:34APPLAUSE
12:47Welcome back, everybody.
12:48Yes, and it really is high from me too.
12:51Before the break, the task found our athletes having to commentate on themselves,
12:55achieving something really tricky before achieving that really tricky thing.
12:59Now for the attempts of Fatia El Ghori and Matthew L. Bainton.
13:03LAUGHTER
13:04I can record two commentaries so that I've got a backup.
13:08Today we get to see the magnificent athlete Fatia El Ghori fly a plane through the Taskmaster dome.
13:15And here comes Bainton with the iconic 19 vest.
13:21Give me a warm-up.
13:22Ready to take on the really tricky thing of keepy-uppies with a tennis ball.
13:30He's got, funnily enough, 19 to beat to take home the goal.
13:36LAUGHTER
13:37And in her hand we see A4 white paper.
13:40So this looks very tricky because she's got really little fingers.
13:44We're very worried that she might get a paper cut, but she's been working with Andy Murray's coach.
13:49And at this point it's almost certain that he's done ten keepy-uppies.
13:56Nine that time.
13:58LAUGHTER
13:59No!
14:00Twenty keepy-uppies.
14:02Thirty keepy-uppies.
14:05Iconic.
14:07And here we go, any minute now.
14:09Here we go, here we go, here we go.
14:10Oh, and there it is.
14:12Well done, Fettin.
14:13She is the best.
14:15LAUGHTER
14:18Can we go closer?
14:20Good idea.
14:21This is your 50th attempt.
14:22People will say, don't pick something you can't do.
14:25But this has to be really tricky.
14:27And I think I've proved that.
14:29Where are the grapes?
14:30She's rocking a little bit and she's going to throw it any second now.
14:34And it's gone in through the dome.
14:36I mean, I didn't doubt her, but I was a little bit sceptical.
14:40Magnificent athlete.
14:41And here comes Bainton to try and attempt the record for the highest thrown and caught-in-the-mouth grape.
14:54Oh, that first attempt didn't play out.
14:57And there's no rules about how many attempts you're allowed, so that's fine.
15:02Oh, he's really slung that one.
15:04Oh, he's caught it!
15:06Unbelievable scenes!
15:09That's a really tricky thing!
15:13Iconic!
15:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
15:20With a whistle of hindsight, knowing how good you are at keeping uppies,
15:24was 19 the right goal to set yourself?
15:26I thought with a football it wouldn't be that impressive,
15:29it wouldn't look like an RTT.
15:31So I went...
15:33I went tennis ball and I overestimated my ability.
15:37But, the grape thing, different story.
15:41But was it an RTT? He did it on his second go.
15:44But it was as high as the house.
15:45But it was high.
15:46Yes, Iconic is what we're looking for.
15:48I think it's strong.
15:49OK.
15:50I thought yours was good as well.
15:51Don't blame me.
15:52I'm not blame you.
15:53Lovely attention to detail.
15:55Andy Murray's coach.
15:57He's jumped over from tennis, why not?
16:00How did you feel about the first attempt?
16:03Awful.
16:04Crushing.
16:05But the second?
16:06I mean, I was surprised by how excited I was.
16:09You want to see someone else?
16:11Yeah!
16:12It's time for the handsome stranger from overseas.
16:15Yes, it's Jason Manzoukas.
16:16Ooh!
16:17And here we are back again at Taskmaster Sports.
16:21Up next, Jason Manzoukas.
16:23He's exiting the Taskmaster house with undue confidence.
16:27But can he achieve an iconic tricky thing?
16:30We don't know.
16:31Alex Horne is following him behind, wondering what exactly is Jason Manzoukas up to?
16:35And oh!
16:36Oh!
16:37Wait!
16:38He's getting on top of the hunch!
16:39Manzoukas is...
16:40He's got a ladder.
16:41He's got a ladder and he's trying to get it onto the roof.
16:44I've said it, so it is happening.
16:47He's starting to scale the roof.
16:49Alex Horne is freaking out.
16:51Never before in Taskmaster history has anybody gotten onto the roof, but American comedian Jason Manzoukas is going to be the first person in history.
16:59Oh!
17:00Alex Horne is on the phone.
17:01Alex is shutting it down!
17:02Alex is shutting down the most iconic, really tricky thing that's ever been attempted.
17:07Jason Manzoukas is now being pulled off at the roof by a bunch of people dressed just like him?
17:14Is this what he makes them do?
17:17Huh?
17:18I'm being told that Jason Manzoukas makes everyone in the crew dress exactly like him when he's shooting so that everybody knows what it feels like to be great.
17:26His words, not mine.
17:28Well, they've got him down.
17:30He's safe.
17:31But the really tricky thing has not been achieved.
17:33Another failure for Jason Manzoukas in a lifetime full of epic fail.
17:39What a piece of shit.
17:47Nailed it.
17:49Sure.
17:50Full-throated commentary.
17:51Oh, yeah.
17:52A lot of excitement from you.
17:54Did you do the tricky thing?
17:55The tricky thing was not accomplished.
17:57Yeah.
17:58Why?
17:59Because Alex Horne shut it down.
18:01I loved the commentary, but I think I have to go with the spirit of the task and that was to achieve a tricky thing.
18:07I understand.
18:08I mean, I think you're absolutely fucking stupid for saying that.
18:12Right.
18:13I enjoyed it, but I'm afraid I must give him one point because he didn't achieve the tricky thing that he advertised he would be doing that was tricky.
18:21OK.
18:22So, it's one point to Jason.
18:23There you go.
18:24I don't know how tricky jumping on your back and heading a goal is.
18:27Oh!
18:28But it's context-based.
18:29It's tricky for me.
18:30You could see I couldn't even achieve it.
18:32What?
18:33Did it say tricky for you personally, the task?
18:35Oh, fair enough.
18:36No.
18:37So, I must give you two points.
18:40Two points for Steve.
18:41You've got it.
18:42Up we go.
18:43OK.
18:44Well done.
18:46Well done.
18:47Yeah.
18:48And here we go.
18:49He threw a grape into his mouth.
18:50Yes.
18:51I made a paper plane and flied it.
18:52They both flied their things.
18:53He's ridiculing you.
18:54I'm not quoting.
18:55It's all right, don't worry.
18:56I'm busy giving you a dirty look.
18:57When I finish with you, I'm going to go to him.
18:58Got it.
18:59Is that your dirty look?
19:00Yeah.
19:01Oh.
19:02Oh.
19:03Oh.
19:04Oh.
19:05Oh.
19:06Don't worry.
19:07I'm busy giving you a dirty look.
19:08When I finish with you, I'm going to go to him.
19:10Got it.
19:11Is that your dirty look?
19:12Yeah.
19:13Oh.
19:14Don't worry.
19:15We're going to get married.
19:16You don't understand.
19:17This is foreplay.
19:19I think, and my future wife is going to hate me for this,
19:24that I found the passion with which he took that high grape
19:28to be the most iconic.
19:29OK.
19:30So, I'm going to give him five.
19:31But, Fatia, four points for throwing a paper airplane.
19:33There's a happy five for Matthew.
19:37Right.
19:38Let's have a peek at the scoreboard, please.
19:39Yes.
19:40Well, Jason's at the bottom with four.
19:41Right at the top, maximum points.
19:42Matthew Bainton, ten points.
19:44Wow.
19:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
19:47OK.
19:48Can we have something nice and special?
19:50Just a bloody bit, because it's team time!
19:53Oh!
19:54Ooh!
19:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
19:56YOU EVER SAT ON A COUNT?
19:59MUSIC CONTINUES
20:23You ever sat on a cow?
20:25I've not, no.
20:27What have you sat on?
20:28Um, horse.
20:29Oh, a horse.
20:30Anything else?
20:31Um, no, I can't.
20:34So you've only sat on horses?
20:36Not that I can remember.
20:37Hi.
20:38Hello.
20:39Hello.
20:40Hi, I'm Matt.
20:41I'm Rosie.
20:42Hi, nice to meet you.
20:43Nice to meet you.
20:44Hi, Rosie.
20:45Hi.
20:46Have you ever sat on a cow?
20:47Um, no.
20:48OK, same as Matt.
20:49Mmm.
20:50Nothing smaller, not a sheep or a dog?
20:52No, I don't think that would be responsible.
20:55OK.
20:57OK.
20:58OK.
20:59Hello.
21:00Hi, I'm Stevie.
21:01Hi Stevie, I'm Jason.
21:02Hi.
21:03Pleasure.
21:04How are you?
21:05Good.
21:06You're great.
21:08I've got to ask for you.
21:09Do you want to read?
21:10You've got a better voice than me.
21:11No, you've...
21:12OK.
21:13Go on, he's an athlete, he's like...
21:14She wants me to.
21:15He'll read it better.
21:16I'll pay more attention if you read it.
21:17OK.
21:18If I read it, I won't.
21:19So what?
21:20Hello.
21:21Oh!
21:22Hello.
21:23Hi.
21:24Hi.
21:25I'm Rosie, nice to meet you.
21:26Hello.
21:27Hello, I'm Fatiha.
21:28Hi.
21:29Hi, Fatiha.
21:30Have you ever sat on a cow?
21:31No.
21:32I don't like heights.
21:33Do you?
21:34Why are you dressed like this, bro?
21:36Good question.
21:37I've got a spare hijab, shall I put it on him?
21:41Are we getting tamed for this?
21:43Right, give me that.
21:44Are we getting tamed for this?
21:45Right.
21:46We may be getting tamed, so let's see.
21:48OK, sure.
21:49Give Alex exactly 100 marbles on a plate.
21:53And an egg cup full of tepid water.
21:56Right.
21:57One of you must always be sitting down.
21:59One of you must always be jumping.
22:01Ugh.
22:02And one of you must always be clapping your hands.
22:04My word.
22:05You must each change your action every 30 seconds.
22:09And no one may hold anything for more than five seconds at a time.
22:13Oh, you're a liberty, bro.
22:15Fastest wins.
22:16Your time starts when Alex blows his whistle.
22:18WHISTLE
22:19WHISTLE
22:24Teams all seem to get on.
22:25I'm sure.
22:26It was a little awkward between you.
22:28But I have no doubt you pulled it all together.
22:30OK?
22:31All right.
22:32Well, it's the team of two's turn to take the tepid test.
22:34Yes, it's Mantzoukas and Martin and marbles.
22:37I'm jumping!
22:38I'm jumping!
22:39Oh!
22:44BUZZER
22:45BUZZER
22:47BUZZER
22:49You just need to put them down.
22:50Every five seconds.
22:51Oh, whoa, whoa.
22:52I see.
22:53You're getting the hang of it straight away.
22:55BUZZER
22:56Put those down, please.
22:57BUZZER
22:58OK, shall I open them?
22:59I think so.
23:00Make sure it's tepid water.
23:01BUZZER
23:02BUZZER
23:03Put them down, please, Stevie.
23:04Keep jumping.
23:05BUZZER
23:06BUZZER
23:07BUZZER
23:08I can do it.
23:09Yeah, I don't know why you put it down for so long.
23:10BUZZER
23:11BUZZER
23:12BUZZER
23:13BUZZER
23:14BUZZER
23:15BUZZER
23:16I think this is hot.
23:17What's tepid?
23:18Tepid is not hot and not cold.
23:19BUZZER
23:20Oh, I get it.
23:21BUZZER
23:22BUZZER
23:23BUZZER
23:24Oh, I found the marble!
23:26BUZZER
23:27Switch!
23:28Switch!
23:29How many did you do?
23:30Unclear.
23:31BUZZER
23:32BUZZER
23:33BUZZER
23:34BUZZER
23:35You're going to have to put that down now.
23:36BUZZER
23:37I'll put it down.
23:38BUZZER
23:39BUZZER
23:40BUZZER
23:41I found one marble.
23:42Oh, I'd love it if someone was clapping.
23:43Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap!
23:44For my sake.
23:45Right, tepid water with an egg cup.
23:47BUZZER
23:48Oh, my God, I'm so tired.
23:50BUZZER
23:51Do you think this is an egg cup or do I need to find an egg cup?
23:53That's a lid.
23:54That's a lid.
23:55BUZZER
23:56Let's look at the task again, Stevie.
23:58Yeah.
23:59Stevie, huge news.
24:02Yeah?
24:03BUZZER
24:04There's a God damn map on the back of the task.
24:06Huge news.
24:07BUZZER
24:08Put it down, Stevie.
24:09BUZZER
24:10Okay, hold on.
24:11BUZZER
24:12Oh, well, that's... you found it!
24:13BUZZER
24:14BUZZER
24:15BUZZER
24:16BUZZER
24:17BUZZER
24:18BUZZER
24:19BUZZER
24:20BUZZER
24:21BUZZER
24:22BUZZER
24:23BUZZER
24:24BUZZER
24:25BUZZER
24:26BUZZER
24:27BUZZER
24:28BUZZER
24:29BUZZER
24:30BUZZER
24:31BUZZER
24:32BUZZER
24:33BUZZER
24:34BUZZER
24:35BUZZER
24:36BUZZER
24:37BUZZER
24:38BUZZER
24:39BUZZER
24:40BUZZER
24:41BUZZER
24:42BUZZER
24:43BUZZER
24:44BUZZER
24:45BUZZER
24:46BUZZER
24:47BUZZER
24:48And out all of the marbles that were...
24:52Do you want me to stop the clock?
24:54Stop it! Stop it, you arsehole!
24:59Well done.
25:03What a team. Wow. Powerhouse.
25:05And we all know what the absolute highlight of that was.
25:10I remember doing that, and I was like, I'm still really going.
25:14I've sort of never seen another human move like that.
25:21Do you want to see it again, though?
25:23Of course I want to see it again.
25:25Go, Steven!
25:33Imagine there's an invisible jump rope in there.
25:36Can you play it again?
25:37Let's watch it again.
25:38Yeah, let's watch it again.
25:39Go, Steven!
25:40Not sped up, not sped up.
25:44Do you want to give any statistics about them?
25:46Sub-12 minutes, 11 minutes 45.
25:49Incredible.
25:50OK, that's part two over and done with.
25:52Part three next, then four.
25:54You must know how this works by now.
25:55We'll see you in a minute.
25:56APPLAUSE
25:57Hello! Welcome back!
26:09Where were we, Alex?
26:10Now for the team of three.
26:13Fatia, Matt and Rosie.
26:15Right, clap!
26:16Right.
26:17I'm going to have to stay here.
26:19Go.
26:20Pass it to me.
26:22You open them.
26:23You're sitting down.
26:25Can I jump?
26:26I'll jump.
26:27Oh, who's?
26:28You can.
26:29Please put that down now.
26:30That's water.
26:31Yeah, you open it.
26:32You open it.
26:33Are you jumping, Fatia?
26:34Yes, I am.
26:35Just because I'm doing it one leg, there's still a jump.
26:37Is it?
26:38Yeah.
26:39Yeah, that's tepid.
26:40Rocky, brother.
26:41Have you not seen Rocky?
26:42We need an egg cup.
26:43We need an egg cup.
26:45Egg cup!
26:46Yes!
26:47There's a plate here.
26:48It's had someone's breakfast on it, I think.
26:50Please put the plate down.
26:52What's going on?
26:53What about in here?
26:54Oh, there's marbles.
26:55The marbles are here.
26:56There's marbles?
26:57100 marbles on the plate.
26:58I can't hold it for long.
26:59Please change your action.
27:00Everyone.
27:01Mix them, mix them, mix them.
27:02Right, whoever sat down needs to count the eggs.
27:03Yeah.
27:04Apparently someone needs to count the eggs.
27:05Yeah.
27:06Apparently someone needs to count the eggs.
27:07Oh, no, no, no.
27:08No, no, no.
27:09No, no, no, no.
27:10No, no, no.
27:11No, no, no.
27:12No, no, no.
27:13No, no, no.
27:14No, no, no, no.
27:15No, no, no.
27:16No, no, no.
27:17You want the eggs?
27:18Yeah.
27:19Apparently someone needs to count the eggs.
27:20Why do we have to count the eggs?
27:21We count the marbles.
27:22That's perfect.
27:23It's not too hot.
27:24Not too cold.
27:2597.
27:2698.
27:27We need two?
27:28Yes.
27:29Have you lost your marbles?
27:30I remember early on some were thrown over here, so I'm just...
27:34I remember that.
27:36I remember I threw them here.
27:41Yeah.
27:43I can't find them.
27:46Shall we get a rake and rake the grass?
27:49That's a good idea.
27:51Can't hear any clapping.
27:54There were enough marbles there.
27:57Oh, come on!
27:58This is crazy.
28:00Are you joking, Rosie?
28:02Oh, my God.
28:03Well, this is a mess.
28:04We've got two more to bind.
28:05I think we've lost the task.
28:08Are you holding anything?
28:09Do you know what?
28:10I found one!
28:11I found two!
28:12You found one?
28:13Woo!
28:14I found two!
28:15Yes!
28:16Is that it?
28:17All changed.
28:18In the plate.
28:19In the plate.
28:20Deliver the plate to us twice.
28:22One, two, one!
28:27I've stopped the clock.
28:28Are you happy with that?
28:29Yeah.
28:30Well, happy's a strong word.
28:32I guess the obvious thing we need to talk about is what your definition of jumping is.
28:44Fatia?
28:45Yeah?
28:46Do you want to jump this?
28:47Yeah?
28:48Because you were just stepping and when someone said you're supposed to be jumping, you shouted,
28:53and I've written it down, Rocky Bruv.
28:56LAUGHTER
28:57You know when he jumps from foot to foot, innit?
29:00When he runs.
29:01LAUGHTER
29:02Rosie, you pleased with your jumping?
29:05I think I was all right.
29:06Let's see Rosie jumping, shall we?
29:07OK, here's Rosie jumping.
29:08Are you jumping, Rosie?
29:09LAUGHTER
29:10That's actually Dwergin.
29:11Come on, Dwergin.
29:12Let's ask the big question.
29:13Why did you throw the marble?
29:14LAUGHTER
29:15Because he was shouting, innit?
29:16He was going, don't hold it, don't hold it, and blowing his whistle and I just couldn't
29:29take it.
29:30They took pretty much twice as long.
29:32The team of two took 11 minutes 45, you guys took 22 minutes 34.
29:36The only thing I would say in my job as administrative assistant,
29:40it was to bring me exactly 100 marbles on a plate.
29:43If I show you the two teams' efforts...
29:45Oh!
29:46Uh-oh.
29:47Is it a double disqualification?
29:49Well, I mean, is that a plate on the left?
29:52It looks tambourine-y.
29:54Given everyone's understanding of the word jump, I'm tempted to allow plate.
29:58We're allowing the tambourine?
29:59Let's assume it's a yes.
30:01OK.
30:02And then let's talk about marbles.
30:03Oh, well, it's obviously worth counting the marbles.
30:04There have to be exactly 100 marbles.
30:06Oh.
30:07I counted the marbles.
30:08I have to count the marbles.
30:09Of course.
30:10So I split them up into tens.
30:11It's my system, Rosie.
30:12We've all got systems, haven't we?
30:13LAUGHTER
30:14I knew you were a stellar go, that's all it is.
30:16I split them into ten like this.
30:18Ten, ten, ten, ten, ten.
30:20They both did really well.
30:21We've got 100 and we've got 100 and we've got 101 over that size.
30:25What?
30:26Well, that's your fault.
30:27I'm putting more marbles in a place where we were meant to find marbles.
30:29We've deliberately put more marbles in the place.
30:32Oh, clever.
30:33Yeah.
30:34Thank God that Fatia threw some of the marbles away.
30:36Yeah!
30:37Do you know what, actually?
30:38Yeah.
30:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
30:41So are we saying the things we get five points?
30:43Of course they do.
30:44Five points.
30:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
30:47I think on this occasion I have to reward effort and hilarity.
30:51OK.
30:52So I can't give them nothing.
30:53Right.
30:54I think one is fair because they failed on both counts.
30:57OK.
30:58One and five points to the team of three.
30:59There we go.
31:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:03OK, let's please.
31:04Yes, please.
31:05And it's time to get wet in the Submaravan, please.
31:08Here we go.
31:22Hello.
31:23Oh, welcome to my...
31:25Oh, sorry there.
31:27Oh, gosh.
31:28Hello.
31:29Oh, Stevie.
31:30You've just written the word Stevie on your pad.
31:33I was guessing who was going to come in.
31:35Matthew.
31:36Alex.
31:37Welcome to my home.
31:38I...
31:39Don't live here, do you?
31:40I eat, sleep, urinate, do everything here.
31:43Oh, yeah, it smells like it.
31:44LAUGHTER
31:45You ready?
31:46Mm-hm.
31:47What's in here?
31:48Oh!
31:49Mmm.
31:51Get the most liquid in this can.
31:54You may not leave the Submaravan.
31:57You have 15 minutes.
32:00Yes.
32:01Your time starts now.
32:03I do need a wee and that's a problem for you.
32:06LAUGHTER
32:07APPLAUSE
32:09So, get as much liquid in to the tin as possible.
32:14Absolutely.
32:15Who's first?
32:16Here they come, it's Rosemary and Fatia.
32:18Get the most liquid.
32:20I've seen liquid there.
32:21Oh, milk!
32:22Milk!
32:23All right, let's get these.
32:25What are your feelings on milk?
32:27I hate milk.
32:28Yeah.
32:29The things you have to do in this place, I'll tell you.
32:33What's this?
32:34Toiletries.
32:35Yeah.
32:36These liquids?
32:37You get them taken off, you're on a flight.
32:38Ah, bath pearls.
32:40Yeah, but they need to melt.
32:42Quick time, bruv!
32:44This is liquid.
32:45Liquid.
32:48What's this?
32:49Oh!
32:50Ice!
32:51Ice!
32:52Hold on, hold on.
32:53There's something in here and it says...
32:55Decking cleaner.
32:56Yeah, that's how I clean the decking.
32:57Oh, you've just activated it, yeah.
32:58OK.
32:59Yeah.
33:00So, it's started?
33:01Yeah, it's going on the suit to the decking.
33:02Oh!
33:03Oh!
33:04Okay, happy bit of understanding now!
33:05Oh, look, there's a little thing here.
33:06Right, here we go.
33:07Can I do that?
33:08Let's try it.
33:09Oh!
33:10Oh!
33:11OK, happy bit of understanding now!
33:12Oh, look, there's a little thing here.
33:13Right, here we go.
33:14Can I do that?
33:15Let's try it.
33:16Ooh!
33:17It's working?
33:18Yeah, of course it's working, I made it.
33:20Something's happening.
33:21Where did that come from?
33:22Did it go into the tin?
33:23No.
33:24Ah.
33:25The tin was the other way because I was waiting for it to come from there.
33:26That's a shame.
33:27Excuse me.
33:28Oh!
33:29Oh!
33:30Oh!
33:31Oh!
33:32Oh!
33:33Oh!
33:34Oh!
33:35Oh!
33:36Oh!
33:37Oh!
33:38Oh!
33:39Oh!
33:40Oh!
33:41Oh!
33:42Oh!
33:43Oh!
33:44Oh!
33:45Oh!
33:46Oh!
33:47Oh!
33:48Oh!
33:49Excuse me.
33:50There's something that could be quicker, isn't there?
33:53You know there is.
33:56Oh, are these real grapes?
33:57All right, we're going to squash the grapes.
33:59What's out here?
34:00Are you kidding me?
34:0125 seconds.
34:02Why didn't I look out here?
34:03Oh, my God!
34:04You haven't got that long.
34:05I busted the pearls.
34:06You busted the pearls?
34:07Yeah, bro.
34:08It took a couple of seconds.
34:10Have I?
34:11You're going to have to be really quick.
34:12OK, OK, OK, OK.
34:13I'm not curious.
34:14Sorry.
34:15These are not real, man.
34:16And look, it went best.
34:17Look.
34:18Sorry.
34:19I'm sorry.
34:20I'm sorry.
34:21I'm sorry.
34:22I'm sorry.
34:23I'm sorry.
34:29The question I found myself asking was how much you understand about the way that liquids
34:34work.
34:35Quake me if I'm wrong, you just put the tin on its side.
34:39Yeah.
34:40So, did you think it would flow in and then just...
34:43Just do it.
34:44Stay there.
34:45OK.
34:49At the moment, I'm just gathering information so I understand.
34:52OK.
34:53Thanks.
34:54So, it's two wet men now, Jason and Mason.
34:57Here we go.
34:58OK.
34:59OK.
35:04Solid.
35:05For now.
35:13It is quite a powerful shower, so beware.
35:17That's how I like my showers.
35:18It's good to get a nice flow in the morning.
35:20What?
35:21Why would you say that?
35:35Breakfast drink!
35:37Alex, could you go hand me that?
35:39I'm not allowed out of the Submaravan.
35:41OK.
35:47Have I left the caravan?
35:49Where are your feet?
35:50My feet are inside of it, I believe.
35:52You're fine.
35:53Thank you, sir.
35:56This is...
35:57I have to get it every morning.
35:58It's a nightmare.
36:01Ooh, this is dicey.
36:03Ooh, I don't love this.
36:12Not a problem.
36:14Take it yourself.
36:16It's a small triumph.
36:19OK.
36:22Is this piss?
36:23OK, this seems like it's part of that shower.
36:25Where...
36:26Why didn't all that water come out?
36:27Is it doing anything when I did that?
36:29Yeah, it's leaking.
36:32This is gonna take ages, isn't it?
36:35It's almost as if these tasks are designed to make a full review.
36:39Yeah.
36:45Oh, beautiful, though.
36:46Hmm.
36:48I've got all this liquid here that I wish would just come out.
36:52Oh, ho, ho, ho.
36:54Damn it!
36:56God damn it!
36:57How do you get water to come out of the drain pipe over there?
37:04It looks like some sort of Rube Goldberg machine.
37:08OK.
37:10Let's see if this works.
37:11Oh, here it comes.
37:15Something's happening.
37:16Yeah, that's exciting.
37:18Oh, dear.
37:20That's just my leg.
37:21Mmm.
37:22And my skin.
37:23I guess if you bleed into it, that'll help.
37:24Not a bad point.
37:26I've cut myself.
37:28That's my blood now.
37:29Oh!
37:3520 seconds.
37:3620 seconds?
37:37You break your fight!
37:39Five seconds.
37:41Well, that's your time up.
37:47There seems to be an awful lot of sort of latent rage with both of you.
37:52How do you feel spending time with Alex Horne?
37:54Oh, no, I understand that.
37:56I feel very angry.
37:57But this rage, Matthew, did you feel it in the caravan?
38:02Very, very often.
38:03Not just in the caravan.
38:05Yeah!
38:06Almost every time I read a task, it was immediate.
38:09But you, up to this stage, you've been very gentle, very amenable,
38:12and at one point, you managed to get the breakfast drink in using the grabber,
38:17and you really cockily went, not a problem.
38:22They both did very well in there.
38:23I can't tell you yet how well.
38:25OK, time for the last break of the show.
38:27Some snooty prizes will be won, including a hat from Eton and a painting of a tortoise as a war general.
38:33The middle class is lovers!
38:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:45Oh!
38:46Well, here we are, then.
38:48I can't believe it.
38:49It's part four, and there's just one person left to go in the task where they have to fill the can with the most liquid.
38:54Yes!
38:55Well, you'd better believe it, Greg, and you'd better also believie it's time for Stevie!
39:04Couldn't have been that easy, could it?
39:06Are you trying to turn the tap on?
39:08Yeah, obviously, that would be number one, what I'd be trying to do.
39:10OK.
39:15Ice.
39:16What are you doing with the ice?
39:17I'm holding it in my hand so that it warms and drips.
39:23OK, OK!
39:25Now we're cooking with gas.
39:27Wait, is wax a liquid?
39:29It is when it's liquid.
39:30OK, I'm going to set fire to this.
39:32Right.
39:33Start a small fire.
39:35That's going to keep it warm.
39:37Erm...
39:38I'll just squeeze a few grapes.
39:42Jesus Christ!
39:44It's not worked.
39:45I'll just put it over the sink.
39:48Liquid, you say?
39:49Mmm.
39:50What have you made?
39:51Straws?
39:52I could wait.
39:54I think what I would gain in amount of liquid, I'd lose in every other element.
40:00Why's that window open?
40:01OK!
40:04I can't...
40:06So I can't leave?
40:09Three minutes, Stevie.
40:10Yeah!
40:13OK.
40:14We've made a connection.
40:15Yes.
40:16What do you think's going to happen?
40:24How in God's name are you meant to do that?
40:28It's not like a long litter picker that I've not seen.
40:31Probably.
40:32One minute left.
40:33What are you talking about?
40:34Probably!
40:39Oh, shut up.
40:42Shut up.
40:4432 seconds.
40:45Yes!
40:47OK, I'm bringing him home.
40:48Right.
40:49Shut up!
40:50Pardon?
40:54Jesus!
40:55Christ!
40:59About 15 seconds, really.
41:00That's the timer.
41:01Yes!
41:03It was absolutely dreadful.
41:04Yeah, it was awful.
41:05Yeah.
41:07I really enjoyed watching it.
41:08Yes.
41:09Well, it was the worst, Stevie's one, by far.
41:10We've actually measured them.
41:11We froze the water.
41:12It's the easiest way to represent what you did.
41:13You froze the amount of liquid?
41:14Yeah.
41:15Oh, nice.
41:16Into ducks.
41:17Oh!
41:18Aww!
41:19I'd like to see Matthew's ducks.
41:20Cute.
41:21The breakfast...
41:22Wow!
41:23Yeah, it's nice, isn't it?
41:24The breakfast drink gave it that lovely colour.
41:25So, if we see that on the graph.
41:26Stevie, you've only got 2.5 ducks, 219 millilitres.
41:28Then we've got Rosie, 6 ducks.
41:29Ooh!
41:30Matthew, you've got your 10.7 ducks, of course.
41:32Wow!
41:33Jason, 16.2 ducks.
41:34But Fatiha, 8.6 ducks.
41:35So, that's the easiest way to represent what you did.
41:36That's the easiest way to represent what you did.
41:37You froze the amount of liquid?
41:38Yeah.
41:39Oh, nice.
41:40Into ducks.
41:41Oh!
41:42Aww!
41:43Aww!
41:44Aww!
41:45Aww!
41:46Aww!
41:47Aww!
41:48Aww!
41:49Aww!
41:50Aww!
41:51Aww!
41:52Aww!
41:53Aww!
41:54Aww!
41:55I'm slightly there.
41:56LAUGHTER
41:57So, as you can see, it's one point to Stevie, two to Rosie, three to Fatiha, four to Matt
42:02and five to Jason Mantzoukas!
42:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:06Right, please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show!
42:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:12To the best boy in the land, you know that?
42:22I'm good at jumping.
42:23LAUGHTER
42:25He's having a pop at you, you know that.
42:27And you're going to let him chat to your woman like that?
42:29LAUGHTER
42:30Who's going to read the task?
42:31I think Jason should read this one, please.
42:34Here.
42:35We.
42:36Go.
42:37Choose an item from each box and place them on the corresponding half of your table.
42:41You have one minute.
42:42Your time starts on the whistle.
42:44There are ten items in the boxes altogether.
42:46You're each going to have two items on your table in the end.
42:49One on the right-hand side from the right box, one on the left-hand side from the left box.
42:53You've only got a minute, so you're going to have to decide who gets which in your own way.
42:58LAUGHTER
43:00Ready, everybody?
43:01One minute.
43:02On the whistle.
43:03Right, OK.
43:04Let's open boxes.
43:05Grab a look.
43:06OK.
43:07I'll just go back.
43:08Shall we...
43:09Are we just giving this...?
43:10Yeah.
43:11I don't know what this means!
43:12You're not meant to, and that's the joy!
43:14It doesn't make sense!
43:15Take an item from the right box!
43:17Mattia, take an item!
43:18Just take an item from the right box!
43:20No!
43:21Someone...
43:22What is on the right item?
43:23OK.
43:24Someone swap with me, cos I'm not popping these.
43:26I know he's going to say pop it.
43:27Please put them down, that's it.
43:29We've all got two items.
43:30Well, Jason, you know, read the next task.
43:34One at a time, pass the item on your right to the person on your right,
43:40and the item on your left to the person on your left.
43:45I'll talk you through this, but you're going to end up with balloons, Fatia.
43:48That's the headline.
43:49So, Fatia, what's on the left of your table?
43:51Foil.
43:52Please give the foil to the person on your left.
43:54OK, and please give the trousers to the person on your left, Jason.
43:58And so on.
43:59So, the balls go to Rosie.
44:01Cardboard goes to Stevie.
44:03And the piping goes all the way round to Fatia.
44:05And while you're there, Fatia's going to give you a sleeping bag.
44:09And then what do I get? Do I get that?
44:11No, you're going to get the balloons.
44:12That's going to go on the right-hand side.
44:13Oh, OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
44:14Over they go.
44:15Matthew, please give him the safe.
44:18The microwave goes to Matthew.
44:20And the flour goes to Rosie.
44:22Oh, my God, I don't even have a pot.
44:24I don't even have a pot.
44:26They're ready, Greg, for part three of the task.
44:29OK.
44:30Put one of your items completely inside the other item.
44:34Fastest wins, your time starts on the whistle.
44:38It has to be completely inside the other item.
44:41It's up to you which goes in which.
44:43Your time starts...
44:45Oh, OK.
44:46You're going to have to put one inside the other one, Fatia.
44:49Can I blow them off?
44:50You're going to have to pot them, Fatia.
44:52I feel like I...
44:53You're going to have to pot them.
44:54You're going to have to pot them.
44:55I don't like it.
45:00I don't like it.
45:01Can I have a pot?
45:02I know the code, but I can't enter it.
45:06Hang on.
45:08How come I can't enter the code?
45:10How do you know the code?
45:12It's on the balloon.
45:13It is on the balloon.
45:142851.
45:15It's on the balloon, but it won't register.
45:17I think you put it in the foil.
45:20But I know the code.
45:23I know.
45:26I did the code part.
45:28Did it win?
45:30I think it takes a while out of the band.
45:32Well, they've got to be completely inside, Fatia.
45:34Chase has done it.
45:35They've got to be completely inside.
45:37Is that completely inside the sheets?
45:38There it is.
45:39There it is.
45:40There it is.
45:41There it is.
45:42There it is.
45:43There it is.
45:44There it is.
45:45Well, Advan scores.
45:46Your final scores.
45:47Come down and join me.
45:50How could a simple task like that be so contentious?
45:57Yeah, so Rosie only got one point in the end.
45:59Oh.
46:00Because she was the slowest by some distance.
46:02Fatia, you got two points.
46:03Jason, three points.
46:04Matt, four.
46:05But Stevie Martin is over a winner and gets five points.
46:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:09I just want to say, if my safe had worked, I would have nailed it.
46:14Jason was very unlucky.
46:15He spotted the code to the safe, which was on the balloons next to him,
46:18but I'd forgotten to change the batteries in the safe.
46:20So...
46:21LAUGHTER
46:22I mean...
46:23Fuck!
46:24You, dear.
46:25It's a very interesting final scoreboard.
46:27We have three people in joint third.
46:29Can you believe it?
46:30Jason, Rosie and Stevie all in 13 points.
46:32Fatia's in second place with 15 points,
46:34but the runaway leader with 23 points.
46:36It's Matthew Bainton!
46:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:40Matthew Bainton wins the episode.
46:43Please shoot up to the stage and claim your snooty booty!
46:47APPLAUSE
47:17You