Category
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PeopleTranscript
00:00This was a mistake!
00:04Shut up!
00:05Button?
00:14You're mad.
00:16Wow.
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:34Hello and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:37I'm Greg Davison.
00:38I suit things.
00:39I suit this throne.
00:40I suit this suit.
00:42I suit the title of Taskmaster
00:44and I suit the power it affords me.
00:47What can I say?
00:48I suit things.
00:49I suit boots.
00:50I suit fruits.
00:51I suit flutes.
00:52And once I was in cahoots with some mute-newts
00:54about a car boot in beaut.
00:57Proof, if it was needed,
00:59the writing of these introductions
01:00is becoming increasingly challenging.
01:02LAUGHTER
01:03No matter.
01:04Let's take the focus off me
01:05and train the glaring, judgmental super trooper
01:08into the frightened eyes of some human bunnies.
01:11Please welcome...
01:13Fatia El Ghori!
01:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:16Jason Mandzukas!
01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:19Mattie Baker!
01:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:22Rosie Ramsey!
01:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:24And Stevie Martin!
01:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:28And next to me,
01:30a man whose hobbies include bird spotting,
01:33writing songs
01:34and his absolute favourite,
01:36having extra-marital affairs.
01:38LAUGHTER
01:39And Little Elector!
01:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:45Hey, everyone.
01:47Let's get on with the prize task.
01:49And the category this week is...
01:52The snootiest thing.
01:54Ooh!
01:55Ooh!
01:56There will be five points for the snootiest,
01:57one point for the least snooty,
01:59and the episode winner will go home with some really juicy snooty booty.
02:02Greg, honey, take it away!
02:04LAUGHTER
02:05Stevie, have you got some snooty booty?
02:07Yes.
02:08There are, like, canvases you can get made of your pet.
02:11Erm...
02:12And, er...
02:13I got one made of my pet.
02:15Here is a picture of Stevie's pet.
02:17It's on my wall in my kitchen.
02:19LAUGHTER
02:20There she is!
02:26I don't think they've done a tortoise before,
02:28so, like, the neck is very bent at a weird angle.
02:31Where is it there?
02:32And where's the shell?
02:33How did they get her in the uniform?
02:34LAUGHTER
02:37They're so...
02:38Americans are so naive, aren't they?
02:40LAUGHTER
02:41And is that her actual rank?
02:47OK, cool!
02:49OK.
02:50Fatty, you all right?
02:51Yeah, I'm all right. How are you?
02:52Pretty good.
02:53What have you brought in?
02:54My snooty prize is...
02:55Yeah.
02:56..Swiss chocolate.
02:57Here is the bar of Swiss chocolate she's put up.
02:59This is the snootiest of all the chocolates.
03:01Yeah.
03:02Ooh!
03:03Yeah, exactly.
03:04See how snooty...
03:05Look at that.
03:06Yeah.
03:07If you look at the chocolate adverts,
03:08the Swiss ones are so extra,
03:10they've got a little chef and a little hat,
03:12and he's like,
03:13ha, ha, ha, ha.
03:14LAUGHTER
03:15Oh, the old French Swiss chef.
03:19And he's all doing that,
03:20and they're like,
03:21and there's all this music,
03:23and they live in a...
03:24They've got a nice kitchen.
03:26LAUGHTER
03:27They do.
03:28They do.
03:29It's ridiculous.
03:30There's a quarter bar of chocolate in, yep.
03:31LAUGHTER
03:32Jason, what's snooty in America?
03:34Here's the thing,
03:35this was actually very hard for me,
03:37because in America,
03:38snootiness is not a really thing,
03:40so I kind of was at a bit of a loss
03:43to come up with a snooty thing,
03:44but I had a good idea,
03:46I asked my butler what he thought.
03:48LAUGHTER
03:49Geoffreys, get out here.
03:51Oh, nice.
03:52APPLAUSE
03:53Let's go, let's go!
03:54APPLAUSE
03:57As my butler, Mr. Geoffreys,
03:59asked him what was snooty,
04:00because he's British,
04:01and he had a great idea,
04:02show him what you've got under there.
04:03Open it up, come on!
04:04Yes!
04:05Butler for a day.
04:06So, if you win this prize,
04:08he'll come and he'll buttle for you
04:10for the whole day.
04:11Wow!
04:12That is one snooty prize.
04:14Right?
04:15Want a round of applause for Mr Geoffrey?
04:16Yeah.
04:17APPLAUSE
04:21I have brought in
04:23the Oppidun's cap
04:25from The Wall Game
04:26at Eton College!
04:28Here it is.
04:29Oh, my God, that's so snooty,
04:31I don't even understand it.
04:33The Wall Game is only played
04:35one day of the year,
04:37St Andrew's Day,
04:38and it's only played at Eton College,
04:41the snootiest of all the schools.
04:43Did you go there?
04:44No.
04:45How did you get a cap?
04:46It...
04:47I acquired it from a friend.
04:49Is your friend Tom Hiddleston,
04:51Hugh Fernley Whittingstall,
04:53Bear Grylls,
04:54or Alan Shearer?
04:55All alumni.
04:56And it must be one of those.
04:57Hang on, Alan Shearer?
04:58Alan Shearer?
04:59I didn't believe in either
05:00when I wrote it.
05:01Wow!
05:02LAUGHTER
05:03APPLAUSE
05:08Can you give us a vague idea of the rules?
05:12As far as I can tell,
05:13it's a rugby scrum up against the wall.
05:15And where does the snooty hat come in?
05:17That's the hat that the Oppidun's team wear.
05:20The Oppidun's?
05:21Yes.
05:22It's so snooty.
05:24So snooty.
05:25It's beyond language, isn't it?
05:26Yes.
05:27Very posh.
05:28My snootiest thing is a red wine decanter.
05:31I believe that you've started to drop your North East accent
05:34to introduce this.
05:35Sorry, what?
05:36LAUGHTER
05:37I don't know what you're talking about.
05:38If Alan Shearer went to Ethan then, so did I.
05:41No, I brought a red wine decanter.
05:43OK, here it is.
05:44Because not many people have these.
05:46I go to friends' houses and they just pour me red wine out of a bottle.
05:49LAUGHTER
05:50And I think, you haven't got a decanter.
05:53Have you got a decanter?
05:56We've got three.
05:58LAUGHTER
05:59Wow.
06:00OK, well, that is everyone great.
06:01It's really tricky, actually, because one of them I don't understand.
06:04Still.
06:05I remember the Swiss chefs are making their chocolates in kitchens.
06:09LAUGHTER
06:11LAUGHTER
06:13I'm trying to work out who I'm going to give one point to.
06:16Not me!
06:17It's going to be the chocolate or the decanter,
06:19but I just can't work out which is the least snooty.
06:21You can buy Swiss chocolate in any shop.
06:23You can, like in a supermarket.
06:25Yeah, no, but you can make a decanter.
06:26All I have to do is get a plastic bottle and chop the top.
06:29That's a decanter.
06:30LAUGHTER
06:31No!
06:32I won't have it!
06:33I won't have it!
06:34I won't have it!
06:35Swiss chocolate is made in Switzerland.
06:38Switzerland!
06:39LAUGHTER
06:40And that, my friend, is the final nail in the conference.
06:43LAUGHTER
06:44One point to the chocolate.
06:46One point to the chocolate?
06:47Yeah.
06:48Rosie's decanter, two points.
06:51OK.
06:52We'll have the hired butler with three points.
06:54OK.
06:55I love the snooty tortoise.
06:57Right.
06:58And Matthew's thing is so snooty I still don't know what it is.
07:01It's got to be the snootiest thing, so five points to Matthew.
07:03There you go.
07:04Well done.
07:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:08Very good.
07:09Touch time!
07:10Oh, yes, it is.
07:11And just like Dr Dre, we're going down to the lab
07:14to lay down some cool tracks and generally have a really nice time
07:17while we're there.
07:18LAUGHTER
07:29Hi.
07:30Hi.
07:31Hello.
07:32Hi, Jason.
07:34What's up?
07:35Welcome to the booth.
07:37This is good.
07:38This makes me feel a bit at home.
07:40Commentate on yourself achieving something really tricky.
07:44Then achieve that really tricky thing.
07:47Most iconic really tricky thing achieved wins.
07:51You have five minutes to record your commentary.
07:54Then 15 minutes to achieve that really tricky thing.
07:59RTT is what I'm going to abbreviate it for from now on.
08:02Your time starts now.
08:04You're going to commentate on yourself as if you're watching yourself
08:07on that telly.
08:08Right.
08:09But you're commentating on your future self.
08:10Oh.
08:11So whatever you describe, you've then got to do.
08:13I've got to do.
08:14But it's got to be really tricky and iconic.
08:16What tricky things can you do?
08:17I was thinking about escapology, but I mean...
08:20I can't actually do that.
08:24Can you do anything tricky?
08:29I was going to just lie down.
08:31LAUGHTER
08:32APPLAUSE
08:34So, RTT.
08:37I enjoyed that abbreviation.
08:38I like an abbreviation, do you?
08:39You do.
08:40You do.
08:41You do.
08:42He does.
08:43Let's see some tricky stuff.
08:44So, they had to commentate on themselves doing a really tricky thing
08:47before they did the really tricky thing.
08:49Stevie and Rosie are up first, i.e.
08:52are the last two letters of their names.
08:54And remember, they chose to do these things.
08:57OK, the moment we've all been waiting for.
09:00Here she is, Mrs Rosemary Ramsey.
09:03We've been waiting for this all year.
09:05She's making her way into the dome.
09:07Now, you may not know this at home, but Rosie has a very, very special way
09:10of getting ready for the competition.
09:13If you've seen her before, you'll know.
09:14There she is.
09:15What she likes to do, well, you're going to see it in a minute.
09:17She likes to have a little sniff of the air.
09:19Yeah.
09:20Good old scratch of the genitals.
09:21Yeah.
09:22From and back.
09:23Oh, that's a new one.
09:24That's a new one.
09:25She's never done the back before.
09:26All right.
09:27She is ready for this competition.
09:28OK.
09:29OK.
09:30And it's coming.
09:31Yes.
09:32There it is.
09:33Every time.
09:34This is what she does.
09:35Projectile vomiting.
09:36Here she is.
09:37Martin.
09:38Stepping up to the plate.
09:39Is she behind the line?
09:40Yes.
09:41Quick check.
09:42She's behind the line.
09:43She bends.
09:44She has a few bends.
09:46I think that's too many bends.
09:49Ah, sick from Martin there.
09:51Alex looking pretty frightened.
09:53Here we go.
09:54She's ready for the question.
09:57The adjudicator is ready.
09:59All right.
10:00There we go.
10:01Nine times nine.
10:02Come on, Rosie.
10:03You can do this.
10:04She's getting her fingers out.
10:05Sadly, Rosie didn't do very well at school.
10:07So she's going to use the tactic that she was taught in year five months.
10:10This is it.
10:11This is it.
10:12Come on.
10:13Come on.
10:14Come on.
10:15We're ready.
10:16Come on.
10:17What is it?
10:18What is it?
10:19You know this.
10:2081.
10:2181.
10:22She's done it.
10:23She's done it.
10:24She's done it.
10:2581.
10:26Oh, she's vomiting.
10:27It's okay.
10:28It's okay.
10:29No, she's going to have nothing left.
10:30Well done, Rosie.
10:31Brilliant.
10:32Brilliant.
10:33She's flexing.
10:34She's flexing her arms.
10:36And you can see her flexing her arms.
10:38She's going.
10:39And she's off.
10:40She's off.
10:41She's over.
10:42And she's headed it right into the top corner.
10:43Yes.
10:44Let's see that again.
10:45I'm presuming there's a three-play.
10:48Yes!
10:58Oh, wow.
11:00Look at her go.
11:01Quite an intense celebration there from Martin.
11:04Ah!
11:05She's doing a forward roll.
11:06Oh, her and Alex high-fiving.
11:08Yeah!
11:10Look to see it.
11:19What is this sport?
11:22So, I've never done a leapfrog before.
11:24So, I wanted to do that.
11:26I've also never scored a goal.
11:27So, I thought I could do both simultaneously and crucially,
11:30while I was in the air, I thought that would be quite tricky.
11:33I mean, you landed perfectly on his back.
11:35Yeah!
11:36Scrambled his head around.
11:37But it was genuinely impressive.
11:39Now, Rosie.
11:40Yes.
11:41As far as I can work out, the sport is...
11:43Tricky numbers.
11:45Yes.
11:46Well, that's the way you might describe it.
11:48LAUGHTER
11:49I mean, literally, what I saw was a woman touch her privates...
11:53LAUGHTER
11:54..and then round her back.
11:55Yeah.
11:56You vomited.
11:57Yes.
11:58You did a rudimentary maths sum.
11:59Yeah.
12:00You vomited again.
12:02Tricky numbers.
12:03All right.
12:04Classic RTT.
12:05Tricky.
12:06Do you know the trick of the nine times tables on your hands?
12:08I mean, I think probably everyone in the room can do this.
12:11LAUGHTER
12:12Let's see how fast you are.
12:13Seven nines?
12:1463.
12:15BUZZER
12:16Must be another one.
12:17But I'm not impressed.
12:18It's awesome.
12:19You can't go over nine for this system.
12:22So, I can't say 11 nines?
12:24Oh, no.
12:25LAUGHTER
12:27OK, time for a break.
12:29Here we are, Alex.
12:30That's it.
12:31Good boy.
12:32Good boy.
12:33Good boy.
12:34APPLAUSE
12:47Welcome back, everybody.
12:48Yes, and it really is high from me too.
12:51Before the break, the task found our athletes having to commentate on themselves,
12:55achieving something really tricky before achieving that really tricky thing.
12:59Now for the attempts of Fatia El Ghori and Matthew L. Bainton.
13:03LAUGHTER
13:04I can record two commentaries so that I've got a backup.
13:08Today we get to see the magnificent athlete Fatia El Ghori fly a plane through the Taskmaster dome.
13:15And here comes Bainton with the iconic 19 vest.
13:21Give me a warm-up.
13:22Ready to take on the really tricky thing of keepy-uppies with a tennis ball.
13:30He's got, funnily enough, 19 to beat to take home the goal.
13:36LAUGHTER
13:37And in her hand we see A4 white paper.
13:40So this looks very tricky because she's got really little fingers.
13:44We're very worried that she might get a paper cut, but she's been working with Andy Murray's coach.
13:49And at this point it's almost certain that he's done ten keepy-uppies.
13:56Nine that time.
13:58LAUGHTER
13:59No!
14:00Twenty keepy-uppies.
14:02Thirty keepy-uppies.
14:05Iconic.
14:07And here we go, any minute now.
14:09Here we go, here we go, here we go.
14:10Oh, and there it is.
14:12Well done, Fettin.
14:13She is the best.
14:15LAUGHTER
14:18Can we go closer?
14:20Good idea.
14:21This is your 50th attempt.
14:22People will say, don't pick something you can't do.
14:25But this has to be really tricky.
14:27And I think I've proved that.
14:29Where are the grapes?
14:30She's rocking a little bit and she's going to throw it any second now.
14:34And it's gone in through the dome.
14:36I mean, I didn't doubt her, but I was a little bit sceptical.
14:40Magnificent athlete.
14:41And here comes Bainton to try and attempt the record for the highest thrown and caught-in-the-mouth grape.
14:54Oh, that first attempt didn't play out.
14:57And there's no rules about how many attempts you're allowed, so that's fine.
15:02Oh, he's really slung that one.
15:04Oh, he's caught it!
15:06Unbelievable scenes!
15:09That's a really tricky thing!
15:13Iconic!
15:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
15:20With a whistle of hindsight, knowing how good you are at keeping uppies,
15:24was 19 the right goal to set yourself?
15:26I thought with a football it wouldn't be that impressive,
15:29it wouldn't look like an RTT.
15:31So I went...
15:33I went tennis ball and I overestimated my ability.
15:37But, the grape thing, different story.
15:41But was it an RTT? He did it on his second go.
15:44But it was as high as the house.
15:45But it was high.
15:46Yes, Iconic is what we're looking for.
15:48I think it's strong.
15:49OK.
15:50I thought yours was good as well.
15:51Don't blame me.
15:52I'm not blame you.
15:53Lovely attention to detail.
15:55Andy Murray's coach.
15:57He's jumped over from tennis, why not?
16:00How did you feel about the first attempt?
16:03Awful.
16:04Crushing.
16:05But the second?
16:06I mean, I was surprised by how excited I was.
16:09You want to see someone else?
16:11Yeah!
16:12It's time for the handsome stranger from overseas.
16:15Yes, it's Jason Manzoukas.
16:16Ooh!
16:17And here we are back again at Taskmaster Sports.
16:21Up next, Jason Manzoukas.
16:23He's exiting the Taskmaster house with undue confidence.
16:27But can he achieve an iconic tricky thing?
16:30We don't know.
16:31Alex Horne is following him behind, wondering what exactly is Jason Manzoukas up to?
16:35And oh!
16:36Oh!
16:37Wait!
16:38He's getting on top of the hunch!
16:39Manzoukas is...
16:40He's got a ladder.
16:41He's got a ladder and he's trying to get it onto the roof.
16:44I've said it, so it is happening.
16:47He's starting to scale the roof.
16:49Alex Horne is freaking out.
16:51Never before in Taskmaster history has anybody gotten onto the roof, but American comedian Jason Manzoukas is going to be the first person in history.
16:59Oh!
17:00Alex Horne is on the phone.
17:01Alex is shutting it down!
17:02Alex is shutting down the most iconic, really tricky thing that's ever been attempted.
17:07Jason Manzoukas is now being pulled off at the roof by a bunch of people dressed just like him?
17:14Is this what he makes them do?
17:17Huh?
17:18I'm being told that Jason Manzoukas makes everyone in the crew dress exactly like him when he's shooting so that everybody knows what it feels like to be great.
17:26His words, not mine.
17:28Well, they've got him down.
17:30He's safe.
17:31But the really tricky thing has not been achieved.
17:33Another failure for Jason Manzoukas in a lifetime full of epic fail.
17:39What a piece of shit.
17:47Nailed it.
17:49Sure.
17:50Full-throated commentary.
17:51Oh, yeah.
17:52A lot of excitement from you.
17:54Did you do the tricky thing?
17:55The tricky thing was not accomplished.
17:57Yeah.
17:58Why?
17:59Because Alex Horne shut it down.
18:01I loved the commentary, but I think I have to go with the spirit of the task and that was to achieve a tricky thing.
18:07I understand.
18:08I mean, I think you're absolutely fucking stupid for saying that.
18:12Right.
18:13I enjoyed it, but I'm afraid I must give him one point because he didn't achieve the tricky thing that he advertised he would be doing that was tricky.
18:21OK.
18:22So, it's one point to Jason.
18:23There you go.
18:24I don't know how tricky jumping on your back and heading a goal is.
18:27Oh!
18:28But it's context-based.
18:29It's tricky for me.
18:30You could see I couldn't even achieve it.
18:32What?
18:33Did it say tricky for you personally, the task?
18:35Oh, fair enough.
18:36No.
18:37So, I must give you two points.
18:40Two points for Steve.
18:41You've got it.
18:42Up we go.
18:43OK.
18:44Well done.
18:46Well done.
18:47Yeah.
18:48And here we go.
18:49He threw a grape into his mouth.
18:50Yes.
18:51I made a paper plane and flied it.
18:52They both flied their things.
18:53He's ridiculing you.
18:54I'm not quoting.
18:55It's all right, don't worry.
18:56I'm busy giving you a dirty look.
18:57When I finish with you, I'm going to go to him.
18:58Got it.
18:59Is that your dirty look?
19:00Yeah.
19:01Oh.
19:02Oh.
19:03Oh.
19:04Oh.
19:05Oh.
19:06Don't worry.
19:07I'm busy giving you a dirty look.
19:08When I finish with you, I'm going to go to him.
19:10Got it.
19:11Is that your dirty look?
19:12Yeah.
19:13Oh.
19:14Don't worry.
19:15We're going to get married.
19:16You don't understand.
19:17This is foreplay.
19:19I think, and my future wife is going to hate me for this,
19:24that I found the passion with which he took that high grape
19:28to be the most iconic.
19:29OK.
19:30So, I'm going to give him five.
19:31But, Fatia, four points for throwing a paper airplane.
19:33There's a happy five for Matthew.
19:37Right.
19:38Let's have a peek at the scoreboard, please.
19:39Yes.
19:40Well, Jason's at the bottom with four.
19:41Right at the top, maximum points.
19:42Matthew Bainton, ten points.
19:44Wow.
19:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
19:47OK.
19:48Can we have something nice and special?
19:50Just a bloody bit, because it's team time!
19:53Oh!
19:54Ooh!
19:55You've sat on a cow?
19:58.
20:12You ever sat on a cow?
20:24I've not.
20:25No.
20:27What have you sat on?
20:28Um, horse.
20:29Oh, a horse.
20:30Anything else?
20:31Um, no, I can't.
20:34So you've only sat on horses?
20:36Not that I can remember.
20:37Hi.
20:39Hello.
20:39Hello.
20:40Hi, I'm Max.
20:41I'm Rosie.
20:41Hi, nice to meet you.
20:42Nice to meet you.
20:43Hi.
20:43Hi, Rosie.
20:44Hi.
20:44Have you ever sat on a cow?
20:45Um, no.
20:46Okay, same as Matt.
20:48Mmm.
20:49Nothing smaller.
20:50Not a sheep or a dog.
20:52No, I don't think that would be responsible.
20:57Okay.
20:58Okay.
20:59Hello.
21:00Hi, I'm Stevie.
21:01Hi, Stevie, I'm Jason.
21:02An absolute pleasure.
21:04How are you?
21:04I'm good.
21:08You're good.
21:11I've got to ask you.
21:12Do you want to read?
21:13You've got a better voice than me.
21:14No, you've...
21:15Go on, he's an affidavit.
21:17She wants me to.
21:18He'll read it better.
21:19I'll pay more attention if you read it.
21:20If I read it, I won't.
21:22So what?
21:22Hello.
21:22Oh!
21:23Hello.
21:24Hi.
21:25I'm Fatiha.
21:26I'm Rosie.
21:26Nice to meet you.
21:27Hello.
21:27Hello, I'm Fatiha.
21:28Hi.
21:28Hi, Fatiha.
21:29Have you ever sat on a cow?
21:30No.
21:31I don't like heights.
21:32Do you?
21:33Like heights?
21:34I'm dressed like this, bro.
21:36Good question.
21:38I've got a spare hijab.
21:39Shall I put it on him?
21:41Are we getting time for this?
21:42He's faulting about it.
21:43Right, give me that.
21:44Are we getting time for this?
21:45Right.
21:45All right.
21:46We might be getting time.
21:46All right.
21:47Give Alex exactly 100 marbles on a plate.
21:53And an egg cup full of tepid water.
21:56Right.
21:56One of you must always be sitting down.
21:59One of you must always be jumping.
22:01And one of you must always be clapping your hands.
22:04My word.
22:05You must each change your action every 30 seconds.
22:09And no one may hold anything for more than five seconds at a time.
22:13You're a liberty, bro.
22:15Fastest wins.
22:16Your time starts when Alex blows his whistle.
22:24Teams all seem to get on.
22:25I'm sure.
22:26It was a little awkward between you.
22:28But I have no doubt you pulled it all together.
22:31Okay?
22:31All right.
22:32Well, it's the team of two's turn to take the tepid test.
22:34Yes, it's Mandzukas and Martin and Marbles.
22:37I'm jumping.
22:38I'm jumping.
22:42Oh.
22:43You just need to put them down.
22:50Every five seconds.
22:51Oh, whoa, whoa.
22:51I see.
22:52Yeah.
22:52You're getting the hang of it straight away.
22:55Put those down, please.
22:57Please change actions.
22:58Okay.
22:58Should I open them?
22:59I think so.
23:00Make sure it's tepid water.
23:02Put them down, please, Stevie.
23:04Keep jumping.
23:04I think this is hot.
23:17What's tepid?
23:18Tepid is not hot and not cold.
23:20Oh, I get it.
23:21Here we go, Stevie.
23:22Oh, I found the marble.
23:27Switch.
23:28Switch.
23:28How many did you do?
23:29Unclear.
23:34You're going to have to put that down now.
23:36Okay.
23:36Put it down.
23:40I found one marble.
23:41Oh, I'd love it if someone was clapping.
23:42Clap, clap, clap, clap.
23:43Do you think this is an egg cup or do I need to find an egg cup?
23:53That's a lid.
23:54That's a lid.
23:57Let's look at the task again, Stevie.
24:01Stevie, huge news.
24:03Yeah?
24:04There's a goddamn map on the back of the task.
24:06Huge news.
24:07Put it down, Stevie.
24:09Okay, hold on.
24:10Oh, well, you found it.
24:12Please switch.
24:13Oh, my legs are on fire.
24:41Oh, my legs are on fire.
24:41Oh, my legs are on fire.
24:43That's perfect.
24:44That's how I like it.
24:46Should I just give these two of you?
24:47Yeah.
24:48Now, all of the marbles that were...
24:49Do you want me to stop the clock?
24:53Stop it!
24:54Stop it, you asshole!
24:59Well done.
25:01What a team.
25:04Wow, powerhouse and we all know what the absolute highlight of that
25:10Doing that and I was like, I'm still really going
25:18Another human move
25:22Of course I want to see
25:34I think there's an invisible jump rope in there. Can you play it again?
25:36Let's watch it again. Yeah, let's watch it again
25:42Not sped up, not sped up. Do you want to give any statistics about them?
25:46Sub 12 minutes, 11 minutes 45. Incredible.
25:49Okay, that's part two over and done with. Part three next, then four.
25:53You must know how this works by now. We'll see you in a minute.
26:04Hello! Welcome back! Where were we, Alex?
26:11Now for the team of three. Fatia, Matt and Rosie.
26:15Right, clap!
26:17Right. I'm going to have to sit here. Go.
26:22Pass it to me.
26:23You open them. You're sitting down.
26:25Can I jump? I jump.
26:28Please put that down now. That's water.
26:31Yeah, you open it, you open it.
26:33Are you jumping, Fatia? Yes, I am.
26:35Just because I'm doing it one leg, it's still a jump.
26:37Is it? Yeah. Yeah, that's tepid.
26:39Rocky, brother. Have you not seen Rocky?
26:41We need an egg cup. We need an egg cup.
26:45Egg cup! Yes!
26:47There's a plate here!
26:49It's had someone's breakfast on it, I think.
26:51Please put the plate down.
26:53What's going on?
26:55What about in here?
26:57Oh, there's marbles. The marbles are here.
26:59100 marbles on a plate.
27:01I can't hold it for long.
27:03Please change your action.
27:05Everyone.
27:07Oh, my God!
27:13Mix them, mix them, mix them.
27:15Right, whoever sat down needs to count the eggs.
27:17Yeah.
27:18Apparently someone needs to count the eggs.
27:19Why do we have to count the eggs?
27:21Count the marbles.
27:22That's perfect. It's not too hot, not too cold.
27:2497.
27:2598.
27:2698.
27:27We need two.
27:28Yes.
27:29Have you lost your marbles?
27:30I remember early on some were thrown over here, so I'm just...
27:34I remember that.
27:35I remember that.
27:36I remember I threw them here.
27:37Yeah.
27:38I can't find them.
27:39Should we get a rake and rake the grass?
27:40That's a good idea.
27:41Can't hear any clapping.
27:42There were enough marbles there.
27:43Oh, come on!
27:44This is crazy.
27:45Are you jumping, Rosie?
27:46Oh, my God.
27:47Well, this is a mess.
27:48We've got two more to find.
27:49I think we've lost the task.
27:50Are you holding anything?
27:51Do you know what?
27:52I found one!
27:53I found two!
27:54Yes!
27:55Is that it?
27:56Is that it?
27:57Is that it?
27:58Is that it?
27:59Is that it?
28:00Is that it?
28:01Is that it?
28:02What am I doing?
28:03In the plate.
28:04In the plate.
28:05In the plate.
28:06Deliver it.
28:07I'm going to break the grass.
28:08That's a good idea.
28:09Can't hear any clapping.
28:10There were enough marbles there.
28:11Oh, come on!
28:12This is crazy.
28:13Are you jumping, Rosie?
28:14Oh, my God.
28:15Well, this is a mess.
28:16We've got two more to find.
28:17In the plate.
28:18Deliver the plate to us twice.
28:19Ah!
28:20Ah!
28:21Ah!
28:22Ah!
28:27I've stopped the clock.
28:28Are you happy with that?
28:29Yeah.
28:30Well...
28:31Happy is a strong word.
28:39I guess the obvious thing we need to talk about is what your definition of jumping is.
28:44Fatia?
28:45Yeah?
28:46Do you want to jump is?
28:47Yeah.
28:48Because you were just stepping.
28:49And when someone said you're supposed to be jumping, you shouted, and I've written
28:53it down, Rocky bruv.
28:56Yeah, you know when he jumps from foot to foot, innit?
28:59What, when he runs?
29:00Yeah.
29:01Rosie, you pleased with your jumping?
29:02I think I was alright.
29:03Let's see Rosie jumping, shall we?
29:04Okay, here's Rosie jumping.
29:05Are you jumping, Rosie?
29:06That's actually twerking.
29:07That's actually twerking.
29:08Come on, isn't it?
29:09Let's ask the big question.
29:10Why did you throw the marble?
29:11Why did you throw the marble?
29:13Because he was shouting, innit?
29:14He was going, don't hold it, don't hold it, and blowing his whistle and I just couldn't
29:29take it.
29:30They took pretty much twice as long.
29:32The team of two took 11 minutes 45, you guys took 22 minutes 34.
29:36The only thing I would say in my job as administrative assistant, it was to bring me exactly 100 marbles
29:42on a plate.
29:43If I show you the two teams' efforts...
29:45Oh!
29:46Uh-oh!
29:47Is it a double disqualification?
29:48Oh!
29:49I mean, is that a plate on the left?
29:52It looks tambourine-y.
29:54Given everyone's understanding of the word jump, I'm tempted to allow plate.
29:58We're allowing the tambourine?
29:59Let's assume it's a yes, and then let's talk about marbles.
30:03Oh, well, it's obviously worth counting the marbles.
30:04There had to be exactly 100 marbles.
30:06Oh.
30:07I counted the marbles.
30:08I have to count the marbles.
30:09Of course.
30:10So I split them up into tens.
30:11It's my system, Rosie.
30:12We've all got systems, haven't we?
30:13LAUGHTER
30:14I knew you were a stellar guy, that's all it is.
30:16Let's put them into ten like this.
30:18Ten, ten, ten, ten, ten.
30:20They both did really well.
30:21We've got 100 and we've got 100...
30:22Oh!
30:23We've got 101 over that size!
30:25What?
30:26Well, that's your fault.
30:27And in a tambourine.
30:28We're putting more marbles in a place where we were meant to find marbles.
30:30We deliberately put more marbles in the place.
30:32Clever.
30:33Yeah.
30:34Thank God that Fatia threw some of the marbles away.
30:36Yeah!
30:37Do you know what?
30:38Actually, yeah.
30:39APPLAUSE
30:40So are we saying the team of three get five points?
30:43Of course they do.
30:44Five points.
30:47I think on this occasion I have to reward effort and hilarity,
30:51so I can't give them nothing.
30:53Right.
30:54I think one is fair because they failed on both counts.
30:57OK.
30:58One and five points to the team of three.
30:59There we go.
31:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:02OK.
31:03That's please.
31:04Yes, please.
31:05And it's time to get wet in the sub-maravan, please.
31:07MUSIC
31:08Here we go.
31:21Hello.
31:22Oh, welcome to my...
31:23Oh, sorry about that.
31:24Oh, gosh.
31:25Hello.
31:26Oh, Stevie.
31:27You've just written the word Stevie on your pad.
31:29I was guessing who was going to come in.
31:31Matthew.
31:32Alex.
31:33Welcome to my home.
31:34Don't live here, do you?
31:35I eat, sleep, urinate, do everything here.
31:37Oh, yeah, it smells like it.
31:39You ready?
31:40Mm-hmm.
31:41What's in here?
31:42Ow!
31:43Hmm.
31:44Get the most liquid in this can.
31:45You may not leave the sub-maravan.
31:48You have 15 minutes.
31:49Your time starts now.
31:50I do need a wee and that's a problem for you.
31:53LAUGHTER
31:54APPLAUSE
31:56So, get as much liquid in to the tin as possible.
31:59Absolutely.
32:00Who's first?
32:01Here they come, it's rosemary and fatia.
32:03Get the most liquid.
32:04I've seen liquid there.
32:05Oh, milk!
32:06Milk!
32:07All right, let's get these.
32:09What?
32:10What?
32:11What?
32:12What?
32:13What?
32:14What?
32:15What?
32:16What?
32:17What?
32:18What?
32:19What?
32:20What?
32:21What?
32:22What?
32:23What?
32:24What?
32:25What?
32:26What are your feelings on milk?
32:27I hate milk.
32:28Yeah.
32:29The things you have to do in this place, I'll tell you.
32:33What's this?
32:34Toiletries.
32:35Yeah.
32:36These liquids?
32:37You get them taken off, you're on a plate.
32:39Ah, bath pearls.
32:40Yeah, but they need to melt.
32:42Quick time, bruv.
32:44This is liquid.
32:45Liquid.
32:48What's this?
32:49Oh!
32:50Ice!
32:51Ice!
32:52Hold on, hold on.
32:53There's something in here, and it says...
32:55Decking cleaning.
32:56Yeah, that's how I clean the decking.
32:58Oh, you've just activated it, yeah.
33:01OK.
33:02Yeah.
33:03So it's started?
33:04Yeah, it's going on the suit to the decking.
33:07Oh!
33:08Oh!
33:09Oh!
33:10OK, happy bit of understanding now!
33:12Oh, look, there's a little thing here.
33:14Right, here we go.
33:16Can I do that?
33:17Let's try it.
33:18Oh!
33:19Yeah!
33:20It's working!
33:21Yeah, of course it's working, I made it.
33:23LAUGHTER
33:24Something's happening.
33:25Where did that come from?
33:26Did it go into the tin?
33:27No.
33:28Ah.
33:29The tin was the other way, because I was waiting for it to come from there.
33:30That's a shame.
33:31Excuse me.
33:32There's something that could be quicker, isn't there?
33:33Yeah.
33:34Yeah.
33:35Yeah.
33:36Yeah.
33:37Yeah.
33:38Yeah.
33:39Yeah.
33:40Yeah.
33:41Yeah.
33:42Yeah.
33:43Yeah.
33:44Yeah.
33:45Yeah.
33:46Yeah.
33:47Yeah.
33:48Yeah.
33:49Oh, are these real grapes?
33:50All right, we're going to squash the grapes.
33:51What's out here?
33:52Are you kidding me?
33:5325 seconds.
33:54Why didn't I look out here?
33:55Oh, my God!
33:56You haven't got that long.
33:57I busted the pearls.
33:58You busted the pearls?
33:59Yeah, bro.
34:00It took a couple of seconds.
34:01Have I?
34:02You're going to have to be really quick.
34:03OK, OK, OK, OK, OK.
34:04I'm not curious.
34:05Sorry.
34:06These are not real, man.
34:07And look at my best look.
34:08Sorry.
34:09Oh, my God.
34:10Oh, my God.
34:11Oh, my God.
34:12Oh, my God.
34:13Oh, my God.
34:14Oh, my God.
34:15Oh, my God.
34:16Oh, my God.
34:17So, can I do my best look?
34:18Sorry.
34:19I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
34:21I'm sorry...
34:26..the question I found myself asking was how much you
34:31understand about the way that liquids work.
34:35Quote me if I'm wrong, you just put the tin on its side.
34:39Yeah.
34:40So...
34:41Did you think it would flow in and then just...
34:43Just do it.
34:44..stay there?
34:45LAUGHTER
34:48At the moment, I'm just gathering information so I understand.
34:52OK, thanks.
34:53So it's two wet men now, Jason and Mason. Here we go.
34:58OK.
35:04Solid. For now.
35:06It is quite a powerful shower, so beware.
35:15That's how I like my showers.
35:18Good to get a nice flow in the morning.
35:20What? Why would you say that?
35:23Oh, oh.
35:35Breakfast drink!
35:38Alex, could you go hand me that?
35:40I'm not allowed out of the Submaravan.
35:41OK.
35:47Have I left the caravan?
35:49Where are your feet?
35:50My feet are inside of it, I believe.
35:52You're fine.
35:53Thank you, sir.
35:56This is how I have to get it every morning, it's a nightmare.
36:01Ooh, this is dicey.
36:03Ooh, I don't love this.
36:11Not a problem.
36:13Can you keep it yourself?
36:15It's a small triumph.
36:19OK.
36:20Is this piss?
36:21OK, this seems like it's part of that shower.
36:25Why didn't all that water come out of it?
36:27Is it doing anything when I did that?
36:29Yeah, it's leaking.
36:31This is gonna take ages, isn't it?
36:35It's almost as if these tasks are designed to make a fool of you.
36:39It's quite beautiful, though.
36:40Mmm.
36:41I've got all this liquid here that I wish would just come out.
36:42Oh, ho, ho, ho.
36:43Damn it!
36:44God damn it!
36:45God damn it!
36:46How do you get water to come out of the drain pipe over there?
36:48It looks like some sort of Rube Goldberg machine.
36:53Okay.
36:54Let's see if this works.
36:58Ooh, here we come!
36:59Something's happening.
37:00Yeah, that's exciting.
37:02Oh, dear.
37:03there it looks like some sort of Rube Goldberg machine okay let's see if this
37:10works oh here we come nothing's happening that's exciting oh yeah that's just my
37:20leg mmm and my skin I guess if you bleed into it that'll help not a bad
37:24point I've cut myself that's my blood
37:3320 seconds 20 seconds and break your fight five seconds that's your time up
37:47this is an awful lot of latent rage with both of you how do you feel spending time with Alex
37:54Horne oh no I understand that I feel very angry but this rage Matthew did you feel it in the caravan
38:02very very often not just in the caravan almost every time I read a task it was immediate but
38:09you up to this stage you've been very gentle very amenable and at one point you managed to get the
38:14breakfast drink in using the grabber and you really cockily went not a problem they both did very well
38:23in there I can't tell you yet how well okay time for the last break of the show some snooty prizes
38:29will be one including a hat from Eton and a painting of a tortoise as a war general the middle classes love us
38:36I can't believe it's part four there's just one person left to go in the task where they have to fill the can with the most liquid
38:54yes well you better believe it Greg and you'd better also believey it's time for Stevie
38:59couldn't have been that easy could it you're trying to turn the tap on yeah obviously that would be number one what I'd be trying to do
39:10okay ice what are you doing with the ice I'm holding it in my hand so that it warms and drips
39:22okay now we're cooking with gas wait is wax a liquid it is when it's liquid okay I'm gonna set fire to
39:33this right start a small fuck that's gonna keep it warm
39:46the sink liquid you say what have you made straws I could wait I think what I would gain in amount of
39:56liquid I'd lose in every other element why's that window open okay I can't so I can't leave three minutes
40:09Stevie yeah we've made a connection yes what do you think's gonna happen
40:17how in God's name are you meant to do that it's not like a long litter picker that I've not seen
40:31probably one minute left what are you talking about probably
40:34oh shut up
40:40shut up
40:4332 seconds yes okay I'm bringing him home right 23 seconds
40:49shut up
40:58about 15 seconds really
41:06that's the timer
41:13yeah I really enjoyed watching it yes well it was the worst
41:21Stevie's one by far we've actually measured them we froze the water is the easiest way to represent what
41:26you did you froze the amount of liquid yeah oh nice into ducks
41:29the breakfast drink make gave it that lovely color so if we see that on the graph
41:39Stevie you only got 2.5 ducks 219 milliliters then we got Rosie six ducks
41:46Matthew you got your 10.7 ducks of course Wow Jason 16.2 ducks but fattier 8.6 ducks so slightly there
41:55so as you can see it's one point to Stevie two to Rosie three to Fatia four to Matt and five to
42:03Jason Mandzukas
42:05right please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show
42:11to the best boy in the land you know that I'm good at jumping
42:23having a pop at you you know that no and you're gonna let him chat to your woman like that
42:29who's gonna read the task go I think Jason should read this one please here we go
42:36choose an item from each box and place them on the corresponding half of your
42:40table you have one minute your time starts on the whistle there are ten items
42:45in the boxes all together you're each gonna have two items on your table in the
42:49end one on the right hand side from the right box one on the left hand side from
42:52the left box you've only got a minute so you're gonna have to decide who gets
42:56which in your own way ready everybody one minute on the whistle
43:06I'll just go back are we just given this yeah I think I do it I don't know what this
43:11means you're not meant to and that's the joy it doesn't make sense take an item from the
43:16right box just take something with your idea okay someone swap with me because I'm not
43:25popping these I know he's gonna say pop it please put them down that's it we've all
43:29got two items well Jason you know read the next task one at a time pass the
43:36item on your right to the person on your right and the item on your left to the
43:43person on your left I'll talk you through this but you're gonna end up with
43:47balloons fat here that's the headline so fat you what's on the left of your table
43:51foil please give the foil to the person on your left okay and please give the
43:56trousers to the person on your left Jason and so on so the balls go to Rosie
44:01cardboard goes to Stevie and the piping goes all around to fat you and while
44:06you're there fat is gonna give you a sleeping bag and then what do I get do I
44:11get that no you're gonna get the balloons that's gonna go on the right hand side
44:14over there go Matthew please give him thank you the microwave goes Matthew and the flower goes to
44:22Rosie they're ready Greg for part three of the time okay put one of your items
44:31completely inside the other item fastest wins your time starts on the whistle it has
44:39to be completely inside the other item it's up to you which goes in which your time starts
44:44you're gonna have to put one inside the other one fat here can I blow them up you have to pop them fat
44:52yeah I feel like I can't enter the code how do you know the code it's on the balloon it is on the
45:13balloon I 2851 it's on the balloon but they won't register I think in the foil I know the code I know I did the
45:26code part well there's gonna be completely
45:33I could have simple task like that because so contentious yes a Rosie only got one point in the end
45:59oh she was the slowest by some distance fatty you got two points Jason three points Matt four but
46:05Stevie Martin's over a winner gets five points I just want to say if my safe had worked I would have
46:13nailed it Jason was very unlucky spotted the code to the safe which was on the balloons next to him
46:18but I'd forgotten to change the batteries in the safe so it's a very interesting final scoreboard
46:27we have three people in joint third can you believe it Jason Rosie and Stevie all in 13 points
46:31Fatih is in second place with 15 points but the runaway leader with 23 points it's Matthew Bainton
46:37Matthew Bainton where is the exercise please shoot up to the stage and claim your snooty booty
46:46Matthew Bainton
46:56Jaw ю
46:57als
46:58Might
46:59Been
46:59my
47:00my
47:01my
47:01my
47:01my
47:02my
47:04my
47:05black
47:06zł
47:07why
47:07my
47:08my