Frasier Season 4 Episode 2 Love Bites Dog
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00:00Baby, baby, all I'm saying is we should cool it for a while.
00:05Now, what's that thing, uh, if you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you, yada, yada, yada?
00:12Yeah, that's it.
00:14Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm really broken up about this.
00:18Hey, big fast!
00:25Come on, now.
00:26No tears, no, oh.
00:31I'll never forget you either, Sandy.
00:34Linda?
00:37Really?
00:38Oh, I thought I was talking to your sister.
00:41Oh, well, tell her, same goes.
00:46Hey, Fringer, do you have a minute?
00:48Yes, of course, Rob, what is it?
00:49Well, you're not gonna like this idea, you're gonna complain and make up excuses and then say no anyway.
00:55That's the very words I would use to woo my dear Lilith.
01:00Okay, here goes.
01:02I have this friend, and I think you two would really hit it off.
01:05And you were wondering if I might meet her for a drink, which might lead to dinner, and then after that, uh, who knows where?
01:12Yes, exactly.
01:13Oh, oh, listen, Ross, did you hear that?
01:16What?
01:18If you listen very carefully, you can actually hear my skin crawling.
01:23I know, blind dates stink, but I'm a friend, and I'm worried about it.
01:32Oh, yeah, Ross.
01:33When was the last time you were with a woman?
01:34Well...
01:35Seems like almost a year.
01:37Oh, it has not been that long.
01:39I mean, that is a laugh.
01:41Ha!
01:41The last time was, uh...
01:46Well, let me see the, uh...
01:49Well, the tree was still up.
01:52Oh, God.
01:54Her name is Sharon.
01:55She's 5'7".
01:57Oh, Ross, I'm not interested.
01:58No, she's an incredible person.
02:00She's smart.
02:01She's funny.
02:02She's a former pro golfer.
02:03She just hasn't met the right guy.
02:05A woman golfer.
02:06I'll be quite certain there is a right guy.
02:10She dates men.
02:12Not this one.
02:13She plays chess.
02:14She loves your show.
02:16And I know this sort of thing isn't supposed to matter to people like you,
02:19but I've seen her in the shower at the gym.
02:21Oh, please.
02:21She has a body that makes Bo Derek look like Bo Diddley.
02:28A chess player, did you say?
02:29Look at these pants.
02:39Oh, dear, Mr. Crane.
02:41Did Eddie drag you through the puzzles again?
02:44Every last one of them.
02:46Eddie, get in here.
02:49Eddie, I mean now.
02:54What am I going to do with you?
02:57My favorite shoe's a salt.
02:59Eddie, look at me when I'm talking to you.
03:04You're doing it again.
03:06What?
03:07You're acting like one of those nut jobs in the park who treat their pets like children.
03:12Yeah?
03:12Well, when you do it outside, you're a nut.
03:14When you do it inside, it's your own damn business.
03:18Eddie, go to your room.
03:24Oh, don't worry about your shoes.
03:27I'll get them all dried out for you.
03:30Well, I hope.
03:31They're not just any shoes, you know.
03:32These are muckabees.
03:33Most comfortable shoes made.
03:36Air cushioned insoles.
03:38Deep flannel lining.
03:41You know, I remember one anniversary.
03:43I surprised Hester with a pair of lady muckabees.
03:47Don't remember which anniversary, but I know it ended with a zero.
03:50I don't doubt that.
04:03Oh, all right.
04:05I think, yeah.
04:07I love you, too.
04:09Yeah, I do.
04:10You'll always be my very best boy.
04:13You know, Dad, there are some fathers who actually praise their sons and whistle at their dogs.
04:25New suit, huh?
04:27Who's the lucky girl?
04:28Well, if you must know, I'm meeting a friend of Ross's today after work, but it's no big deal.
04:32Oh, congratulations.
04:33What's it been, a year?
04:34It has not been that long.
04:43I remember the tree was still up.
04:48What the hell?
04:50Look at you all got that book of Don's dinner.
04:52Yes, it's a new suit.
04:54Yes, I'm meeting a woman.
04:55And yes, it has been a while.
04:58Thanks.
04:59That reminds me.
05:00I have to order me cards.
05:04Daphne, are you finished here with the microwave?
05:11Oh, no.
05:18Oh, look at these.
05:20Well, I'm sorry.
05:21I didn't mean to leave them in there for so long.
05:24Yes, well, English cooking strikes again.
05:26Oh, no.
05:34Well, I think you should be happy that one of your patients feels healthy enough to terminate this therapy.
05:38I would, but it's happened so often lately.
05:40I find myself in financial straits.
05:42Deep financial straits.
05:45Look at this belt.
05:48Spanish leather.
05:51Yes, well, if Mr. Blackwell comes in, I'll create a diversion.
05:54You can make a dashboard.
05:55Obviously, the time has come for me to expand my practice, so I'm placing an ad in Seattle-style magazine.
06:05Advertisement.
06:06Isn't that a bit commercial for a psychiatrist?
06:08Said Dr. Pot to Dr. Kettle.
06:11Besides, a highly respected obstetrician on my floor did it,
06:19and now his waiting room has more swollen bellies than a Buddhist temple.
06:24That's a good news.
06:26I like that.
06:30I'm on my way to call it in.
06:31I just want to run it by you.
06:32All right.
06:34Dr. Niles Crane, young specialist, servicing individuals, couples, groups.
06:39Satisfaction, guaranteed.
06:43Tell me where it hurts.
06:44Well, that's just excellent, Mild.
06:47The only missing now is a very tasteful cartoon,
06:50with you smiling brightly and holding a shrunken head.
06:56I'm sorry I didn't hear you.
06:57I was too distracted by your face going by on the side of a bus.
07:02I'm off.
07:06Hey, Wild Thing.
07:07Yes, hello.
07:08Look, we have on the same belt.
07:11Oh, my God.
07:16Hi, Ross.
07:16Hey, Fraser.
07:17Okay, Sharon's going to be here any minute.
07:19You didn't say anything to her, did you?
07:20No, not a word.
07:21She has no idea that this is a setup.
07:23Good, good.
07:23Now, listen, if I don't like her, I will simply excuse myself and leave.
07:27But if I do like her, I will find some polite and discreet way of indicating that you may go.
07:34Beat it, Ross.
07:35Hi, Sharon.
07:40Good to see you.
07:42Look who I ran into.
07:43My boss, Dr. Fraser Crane.
07:46Hello.
07:46Fraser, this is Sharon Payton.
07:47Oh, pleased to meet you.
07:49I'm a big fan of your show.
07:52Sure you're tired of hearing that.
07:53You probably get it all the time.
07:55Oh, well, not lately.
08:01Listen, Sharon, I am so sorry to do this to you, but I just got a call from the office, and it's urgent, and I have to go.
08:07Oh, sure.
08:08That's all right.
08:10Well, you know, as long as you're here, you might as well join me.
08:13That would be nice.
08:16Oh.
08:17Okay.
08:18Bye, Ross.
08:18Bye.
08:18You know, I really do love listening to your show.
08:25Well, I think it's because you have such a soothing voice.
08:30What a very kind thing to say.
08:31I almost called in once.
08:37Really?
08:38May I ask what the problem was?
08:41Well, I'm terribly competitive, which is great for sports.
08:46I used to play pro golf, but sometimes it seeps into my personal life.
08:51Ah, well, I don't really think that's too great a problem, but if I were to make a recommendation, it might be to start seeing a therapist.
09:02Whoa.
09:03Hello, gorgeous.
09:04Hello, Bulldog.
09:05It's not you.
09:08Hey, are you going to introduce me?
09:10Well, actually, I wasn't, no.
09:12Bob Briscoe.
09:13Sharon Payton.
09:14Yes, good to see you, Bulldog.
09:15Don't be a stranger.
09:16Hey, wait a minute.
09:18Wait, wait a minute.
09:19Sharon Payton?
09:20I know you.
09:22LPGA, you won the Denver Open in 1992.
09:261992?
09:261992?
09:27You know, there's a fabulous year for a particular champagne I took a shine to.
09:30I know you, too.
09:32You're that guy that said golf is not a sport.
09:34Well, it's not.
09:36Oh, really?
09:37Yeah.
09:37No cheerleaders, no blood, and the only cups involved are in the ground.
09:42You know, this reminds me of a debate I had with my brother Niles about whether or not Stephen Sondheim is really light opera.
09:49You know, I have a theory that people who put down golf do so because they can't play well.
09:55Is that a challenge?
09:56It might be.
09:57If we leave right now, we could get in nine halls.
10:00Loser buys dinner.
10:01I got a nine handicap.
10:03You're on.
10:04Frazier, would you like to join us?
10:06Well, no, I don't play.
10:08Oh, well, it was really nice meeting you.
10:10Likewise.
10:11I'll get my coat.
10:13Hold on.
10:15Ross set this up that I might meet Sharon.
10:17Two of you got here, things are going in a very positive direction.
10:20Yeah, well, things seem to have changed, haven't they?
10:22What do you eggheads call that?
10:24Irony?
10:25Look, there's nothing I can do to appeal to your sense of decency.
10:29Hey, I have no sense of decency.
10:31That way, my other senses are enhanced.
10:33But the real secret to muckabees is that they mold themselves to the shape of your foot.
10:50Now, my problem was always hammertoes.
10:54In that hammertoes, you have a hell of a time finding shoes.
10:57But muckabees fit over my hammertoes like a claw.
11:00It's funny, you know.
11:07When you're young, you dream about fame and fortune.
11:10And it gets me my age.
11:12All you really want out of life is a comfy pair of shoes.
11:16Right now, I'd settle for never hearing the word hammertoes again.
11:21Hey, don't give me any attitude.
11:23It wasn't me that nuked the muckabees.
11:25I'm not the one who can't remember where the store is where you bought the damn shoes.
11:29Just drive.
11:30I'll tell you when to stop.
11:33Stop!
11:35Is that it?
11:37It's a red light.
11:40In this country, we stop for those.
11:43All right, all right.
11:46Woman driver.
11:48Hamertoes.
11:49Frasier.
12:04Frasier.
12:08What?
12:10Oh.
12:11Oh.
12:12Haven't you spoken with Sharon?
12:13I tried, but she wasn't home all weekend.
12:18Frasier.
12:18Look, before you snap my behind with a wet towel.
12:25Last time I saw Sharon was leaving Caffe Nervosa with Bulldog.
12:30Frasier!
12:31How did you let that happen?
12:33Well, I don't know.
12:34The whole thing is sort of a blur.
12:36We were talking about golf and something called a handicap.
12:38The next thing I know, I'm sitting there with a cappuccino muttering to myself with a very soothing voice.
12:45I'm sorry.
12:46Well, it's all right, Ross.
12:48It's just the whole thing just catapulted me back to high school.
12:51You know, people didn't know me as an adult, but back then I was rather an unathletic, bookier sort.
12:57Get out.
12:58Well, jocks were the bane of my existence.
13:02They always called me a weenie.
13:04They would steal all the girls that I wanted.
13:07Oh, Frasier, you must have had some girlfriends.
13:10Friends?
13:11Yeah.
13:12Yeah.
13:12Anytime they wanted a sensitive shoulder in a car, I thought some long-handed pillar of testosterone would come by.
13:18And if it was by my phrase, maybe we can study later.
13:23And I'd head home to Niles and we'd put on the Brandenburg Concertos and play air violin.
13:35Gee, what a couple of nerdlingers.
13:37Well, I suppose you were Miss Popular in high school.
13:42I would say yes.
13:43I'm guessing that explains why, too.
13:49Hey, guys.
13:50What a weekend.
13:55Listen, Bulldog.
13:57Sharon is my friend and you better not hurt her.
14:00What?
14:00Hurt her?
14:01Hurt her?
14:03I am crazy about her.
14:07I never felt this way before.
14:09You know, on my way to work, all these songs on the radio suddenly made sense to me.
14:16Have you ever listened to the words, the time in a bottle?
14:25It is so beautiful, man.
14:26I had to pull over.
14:28Oh, my God.
14:29It's in love.
14:32And last night, for the first time in my life, I actually said those three little words.
14:40Stay for breakfast.
14:43You had sex with Sharon?
14:46Doc, please.
14:47We made love.
14:50You know what?
14:51I got to call her.
14:53No, wait.
14:54No.
14:54I got to play hard to get.
14:56But I missed the sound of her voice.
14:58I'm calling her.
14:58No.
14:59Wait.
15:00It's too needy.
15:01Chicks hate that.
15:02I shouldn't call her.
15:04But I want to.
15:07Doc, what should I do?
15:09Don't ask me.
15:09I don't even know who you are.
15:16This was it.
15:19This was the Muckabee store.
15:21Now it's gone and so are the only shoes I ever loved.
15:24Mr. Crane, look at me.
15:26We're talking here about something that's old and smelly and dirty.
15:31Hey.
15:35Not you.
15:36We're talking about Muckabees.
15:38Oh.
15:39Great shoes.
15:41Just to sell them.
15:42Yeah.
15:43What happened to the store?
15:45Moved.
15:46Do you know where?
15:47Yeah.
15:49It'll cost you.
15:50How much?
15:53Oh.
15:53Not money.
15:55I want a kiss.
15:58What?
15:59You heard him.
16:01Mr. Crane.
16:03You burned him.
16:04You owe me.
16:04It's only a kiss.
16:06Not her.
16:17This is Dr. Fraser Crane.
16:18K-A-C-L-7-80.
16:20Talk radio.
16:22Thought you'd never finish.
16:24You know, Niles, let's say I buy us dinner and a lot of martinis.
16:27Sounds great, except for the dinner part.
16:31Take it you had a bad day, too?
16:33I had an abysmal day.
16:35Remember the ad I placed?
16:36Oh, yes.
16:37About Niles Crane, young specialist, blah, blah, blah.
16:40Yes, well, they've made a tiny little typo.
16:43See if you can find it.
16:47Niles Crane.
16:49Hung specialist.
16:55Oh, my.
16:58The rest they got perfectly.
17:01Servicing individuals, couples.
17:07Groups.
17:11Satisfaction guaranteed.
17:12Tell me when it hurts.
17:23Well, any calls?
17:26It's a telethon.
17:27Yes, well.
17:29We'll start with double martinis.
17:31All right.
17:31Hey, Doc.
17:35Wait a second.
17:36I need to name one of those fancy restaurants you go to.
17:38Hey, hi.
17:40Sharon.
17:40It's me, Bob.
17:42Hey, I had a great time last night.
17:45Listen, how about dinner tonight?
17:48You do?
17:49All right.
17:51All right.
17:51How about tomorrow night?
17:55Hey, it's a good thing I'm not paranoid.
17:58I think you were dumping me.
17:59Well, I walked into that one.
18:05All right.
18:07Yeah, me too.
18:09Good luck, Sheriff.
18:10See, I'm sorry, Bulldog.
18:14Me too.
18:17I'll call Francois, see if you can get us a table on the patio.
18:21Two seconds, Bulldog.
18:22All right.
18:23Right.
18:24Listen, Bulldog, are you going to be all right?
18:28What?
18:28Me?
18:28Are you kidding?
18:29Enough Bulldog.
18:32Attention!
18:33Sports fans, you're in the doghouse.
18:35Hur!
18:36Hur!
18:37Uh.
18:38Uh.
18:38First, some weekend scores.
18:42In football, the Packers crushed the Saints, 42 to 10, and the 49ers humiliated.
18:50The Patriots, 35 to 7.
18:53And in golf, golf.
18:57Hey, golf sucks, right?
18:59Got to call.
19:00You're in the doghouse.
19:02Put on a flea collar.
19:05We have the table, Frazier, but Francois says he can only hold it for two.
19:08Ten minutes.
19:09Ten minutes.
19:10We want to wait.
19:10What's up with the rumor that the Seahawks are thinking of leaving Seattle again?
19:15I have no respect for that, man.
19:18Anyone who has their fun, then they just leave you.
19:23Hey, to hell with them, right?
19:25We'll get another team.
19:26A team that, a team that won't ever leave us.
19:32A team we can love forever.
19:35You better go to commercial.
19:37I already did.
19:39Bulldog, are you going to be all right?
19:41You think you can take the show?
19:46Wait, Bulldog, we need a tape.
19:48Where's the best of Bulldog?
19:49She took the best of Bulldog.
19:51We've got dead air in 15 seconds.
19:56Great.
19:56Okay, I'll go get Bulldog.
19:57You, take over the show.
19:59Me?
20:00A sports show?
20:01You're the only one here.
20:02Okay, uh, sports enthusiasts, this is Dr. Fraser Crane filling in for Bob Bulldog Briscoe.
20:23You're on the air.
20:24This is Mike.
20:26I wanted to talk to Bulldog, but you'll do.
20:28So what's your take on the damn Yankees this season?
20:32Are you speaking of the, the frothy musical adaptation of the Palsy myth or, or the, the baseball team of which I know nothing?
20:42What a weenie.
20:46Doesn't that take me back?
20:49But he brings up a good point.
20:50You see, while I'm on the air, please feel free to call in about anything other than sports.
20:56Please.
20:57Hello.
20:58You're on the air.
20:59Yeah, you think it was a good idea for the Sonics to give up those draft choices so they could free up some money under the cap?
21:07You know, to go after a wide body to help them in the paint?
21:13Yes.
21:19You're on the air.
21:20Bulldog.
21:21Bulldog.
21:24I know you're in there.
21:26Get out here.
21:29Oh, give me a break, Leonard, like you haven't fantasized about this moment.
21:36Go away, Ron.
21:38Well, you grow up.
21:40See, you got dumped.
21:42You got a little payback for the way you treated women all your life.
21:45Besides, Bulldog I know doesn't get sad.
21:51He gets angry.
21:53You're right.
21:55This stinks.
21:57This is total, total payback.
22:03If you don't come out in the next three seconds, I'm going to reach in there and drag you out by your ankles.
22:10Hello, Roz.
22:11Playing hard to get.
22:12It's Bulldog.
22:16You're a psychiatrist?
22:18Help him.
22:18As distressed as I am by his condition, he's not the only one suffering here.
22:22In eight minutes, Frazier and I are going to lose our patio table.
22:25Well, as long as Frazier's filling in for Bulldog, you're not going anywhere.
22:30You poor man, help is at hand.
22:34No, no straights.
22:36I hate straights.
22:38You're all a bunch of wimps, weirdos.
22:42Help me.
22:45There, there.
22:47I'm here for you.
22:49And you're over there for me.
22:56Well, I sense you're in a great deal of pain.
23:00Yeah?
23:01Make it stop.
23:02No.
23:03No, the first step toward healing is not to bury the pain, to feel it at its fullest step.
23:14Okay.
23:14Well, before security arrives, let's skip on to step two.
23:17What is going on?
23:21Excuse me, Bulldog.
23:22Frazier, please.
23:22We're in session.
23:23Look, now, we have to pull this man together in minutes, not in a lifetime.
23:26How dare you talk to me like that?
23:28Oh, I will talk to you anyway.
23:29I wish to...
23:29We don't have the time for this now.
23:31Get out.
23:31All right, all right.
23:32Bulldog, I'm referring you to my brother.
23:34Frazier, I'll call Francois.
23:35I'll tell him there's been a death in the family.
23:37That ought to buy us another ten minutes.
23:40All right, Bulldog.
23:40Look, we're on a news break.
23:42You have got to pull yourself together because there is no way I'm enduring any more of that humiliation.
23:46I am not going out there, man.
23:48You have got to.
23:49I can't even decipher the abbreviations of the score sheets.
23:52I'm guessing by your producer's guffaws that it is not the Cleveland Independent.
24:00Have you ever felt this way about a chick before?
24:06I was even thinking about her and me having kids.
24:09Isn't that scary?
24:12Positively bone-chilling.
24:15It hurts like hell.
24:17I know.
24:18I know, Bulldog.
24:19You know how often through pain we can achieve emotional growth.
24:23It reminds me of a paper I recently presented to the Vancouver Psychiatric Association.
24:29The grovel of my discourse was the sufferer, I.E.U.
24:33Doc, Doc, you're hurting my head here.
24:35Can't you stop being a shrink and just be like a guy?
24:41Like a guy.
24:48Like a guy.
24:52Screw her!
24:56What?
24:57Yeah, you don't need her.
24:58She's trash.
25:01Yeah, trash.
25:02You're better off without her.
25:03We both are.
25:05I like the sound of this.
25:06Yeah, so do I.
25:07It's unattractive.
25:08Get liberating.
25:09Rather like the one and only time I wore a European bathing suit.
25:13Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
25:14She's a bitch!
25:16Hey, she wasn't even that hot.
25:19You're right.
25:19All she did was save me the trouble of having to dump her.
25:22I never thought about that.
25:23There you go.
25:24Hey, I'm feeling a little better, Doc.
25:25That's right.
25:27Thanks.
25:28It's great talking to you.
25:30Likewise.
25:30You know, I can talk like this for another 30 seconds.
25:35There was nothing.
25:37There was less than nothing.
25:39Yeah, right.
25:40But tomorrow you're going to find somebody even hotter.
25:43And you know what you're going to do?
25:44Yeah.
25:45You're going to have your fun with her.
25:47And then you're going to dump her just for the hell of it.
25:51Yeah.
25:52Dump her.
25:53And you know what?
25:54You're not going to feel bad about it at all.
25:55You know why?
25:57Because we're guys.
25:58And that's what guys do.
26:03Distressing news, Frasier.
26:04Francois gave away our table.
26:06Screw him!
26:09Excuse me?
26:10You heard what I said.
26:11We don't need him or his stinky little restaurant.
26:14There are plenty of restaurants in town.
26:15I said we go somewhere we don't even need a reservation.
26:23Thank you, Doc.
26:24You're welcome.
26:24Yes, you know, if we hasten, perhaps we can catch the first city at Le Cigar Volant.
26:34Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin'
26:37Tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:41Quite stylish.
26:43And maybe I seem a bit confused.
26:46Well, maybe.
26:47But I got you pegged.
26:49Ha!
26:50Ha!
26:50Ha!
26:51Ha!
26:51But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:59They're calling again.
27:02Again!
27:03More!
27:03No!
27:03No!
27:034 Corpus is属.
27:04No!
27:04No!
27:04No!
27:04No!
27:04No!
27:08No!
27:08No!
27:11No!
27:14No!
27:15No!