Frasier Season 9 Episode 8 The Two Hundredth
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00:00Welcome back, Seattle. Thank you for joining us in celebrating this, our 2,000th show.
00:07Hard to believe, isn't it, Roz?
00:09No, that feels just about right.
00:11Ah, yes. Well, what a festive day this is. No stop has been unpulled.
00:18I would like to take this opportunity to acknowledge the anniversary luncheon spread
00:24provided by our friends at Señor Jose Fong, home of the sweet and sour taco.
00:31And don't forget, a little later, we'll have Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates live in studio
00:38to congratulate me on my 2,000th show.
00:42Apparently, I hear through the grapevine, he is a big fan.
00:48Roz, what do we have next?
00:51It's time for another blooper.
00:53Oh, well, I believe we're up to number four as voted by you, the listeners.
01:01Here's what happened when a certain producer didn't realize her microphone was on during the show.
01:13Yo, what the f*** is this? You call this a f***ing paycheck?
01:18How the f*** am I supposed to live on this s***?
01:21I'm going to have a little word with that damn station manager
01:25walking around here like he owns the mother f***ing place.
01:29Can't believe that wasn't voted number one.
01:32Ladies and gentlemen, it's our station manager, KACL's own Kenny Daly.
01:40Listen, Doc, I got a special someone out there who'd like to say hello.
01:44By all means, let's bring him in, Kenny.
01:47Ladies and gentlemen, our special guest has finally arrived.
01:52Please welcome...
01:56Bulldog!
01:57Great to see you, Doc. Hey, Roz.
01:59Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's our old friend and former colleague, Bob Bulldog Brisco.
02:05Thanks for coming down to celebrate my 2,000th show.
02:08Yeah, yeah, congrats. Didn't think you'd last two weeks.
02:11Listen up, Fudge fans, Bulldog here.
02:14I know what you're all thinking. Bulldog's been gone too long.
02:18How can you get me back in the air? Okay, listen up.
02:21You send your cards and letters of support to Kenny Daly, KACL, P.O. Box...
02:25Oh my, Bulldog, our special guest has arrived.
02:28P.O. Box 451, Seattle.
02:30Would you and your noisemaker please wait in Roz's booth?
02:33This is an air horn, Doc.
02:34Yes, I was referring to that flapping hole above your chin.
02:38Now get out.
02:41Ladies and gentlemen, let's please welcome Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates.
02:46Good to see you, sir.
02:48Sorry I was late.
02:49Oh, that's all right.
02:50I was just talking to an old friend.
02:52Yes.
02:59Well, I've got so many questions to ask you.
03:03Why don't we just dive right in?
03:06I've been wondering, when did you first become a fan of my show?
03:13Excuse me, Warren from Kirkland is online too.
03:17Yes, Roz, I won't be taking any calls until after Mr. Gates has left.
03:21Actually, it's for Mr. Gates.
03:26Go ahead, caller, you're on with Mr. Bill Gates.
03:29Yeah, hi, Mr. Gates.
03:31I bought your new Windows XP program.
03:34I'm about to install it, but it's an upgrade.
03:37Do I need to make a boot disk?
03:39That's a very good question.
03:41You don't need to make a boot disk.
03:43You just put the CD in and it'll upgrade.
03:46I hope that answers your question, Warren.
03:48It's a feature of XP.
03:49Very quick, very smooth.
03:52Hey, this is fun.
03:56Thank you for calling, Warren.
03:58Now, where were we?
04:00Can Mr. Gates take a few more calls?
04:02The board is lighting up.
04:04Wow, who knew we had a line seven?
04:08Roz, I believe Mr. Gates is probably anxious to get on with the interview.
04:12No, no, I'm happy to.
04:20Go ahead, caller.
04:22Wow, Bill Gates, this is so cool.
04:27Hey, I have a question about multilingual user interface add-ons.
04:31What are those?
04:33Well, the multilingual add-ons let you run Windows in different languages.
04:39You said German.
04:40Do you believe this egomaniacal gas bag?
04:43He's taking over my show.
04:45Don't you think you're exaggerating just a bit?
04:48Who do we have next, Roz?
04:50We have Bob from Fremont.
04:52He has a question about his laptop.
04:54Go ahead, Bob.
04:56I'm listening.
05:20Two thousand shows.
05:27Hurry up, Frasier.
05:29We're going to miss the reservation.
05:31I'll be right there.
05:57Humming
06:20Two thousand shows. That's quite a milestone.
06:23It certainly is.
06:25Can anyone tell me what happened today? I forgot to listen.
06:28I just listened for five minutes in case you asked me what my favorite part was.
06:33I'd just say the call from Tacoma.
06:35There's bound to be a call from Tacoma.
06:39Excuse me.
06:41Could I see all of you in my room for just a jiff?
06:46I'm hungry.
06:51Okay, are we all here?
06:54Good. What's wrong?
06:56Something is amiss.
07:02I'll say. I always thought that was a sweater cubby.
07:08But it's not. It's a collection of all my shows.
07:16I was just examining my collection when I realized that someone...
07:21had placed one of my tapes...
07:27upside down.
07:30What kind of sick twist is that?
07:35Well, turn it right side up and let's go eat.
07:38You probably did it yourself quite conceivably.
07:41But I guarantee you I would never have removed my tape from the case...
07:47and replaced it with the best of haul and oats.
07:55All right, I won't be mad. Just tell me who did this.
08:04Nobody did this.
08:06Tell you what, I did it. Now come and go eat.
08:09Not so fast, Dad.
08:11Okay.
08:14Let's examine the evidence.
08:16Oh, no.
08:21A haul and oats tape.
08:24That rules you out, Dad.
08:27And it definitely rules out Niles.
08:32Dr. Crane, I...
08:34Or does it?
08:38The tape is just a red herring meant to throw me off the scent.
08:42A psychological game.
08:44There's only one of you that would combat me on that level.
08:48I did it.
08:49Ah-ha!
08:51I can't say ah-ha. You thought it was me.
08:55Why'd you do it, Daphne?
08:57I didn't mean to.
08:59I was trying to listen to a tape in that boom box she gave me for Christmas...
09:03only I wasn't getting any sound in.
09:06I didn't know if it were the tape or the boom box...
09:09and I didn't have any other tape, so I grabbed one of your tapes...
09:12just to test the boom box out...
09:14and it turns out it was the boom box after all.
09:18Only then I couldn't get it out of the boom box...
09:21so I used a screwdriver to pry it out and I broke the tape.
09:25I'm so sorry.
09:27There, there, Daphne.
09:28Stand down, Niles.
09:35Daphne...
09:38do you realize what you've done?
09:42This isn't like any normal tape...
09:45that you can just go down to your local music shop and purchase.
09:52It's unique...
09:54and irreplaceable.
09:57Can't you just get the station to make you a copy?
10:00Unless I get the station to make me another copy...
10:06which, of course, I can.
10:09The only transgression here is that...
10:12Daphne didn't come to me...
10:15with the truth.
10:17I'm so sorry, Dr. Crane.
10:19I will never lie to you again.
10:22Well, then, if that's what you've learned...
10:24it was all worth it.
10:26So, what are we all sitting here for?
10:28I believe we have a 2,000th show to celebrate.
10:32We're here.
10:33So, did you all listen?
10:35Oh, didn't we?
10:36Great.
10:37I especially like that coal from Tacoma.
10:40Oh, which one?
10:45You know, in nine years...
10:46this is the first time I've been down to the archives.
10:49Oh, my God, I remember this place.
10:52Really?
10:53I came down here once after a Christmas party.
10:57What ever for?
10:59Well, yeah, I had a little too much champagne, and...
11:03you know how you get a little lonely around the holidays?
11:07Brings back memories, huh, Russ?
11:10Bulldog.
11:11Well, that was some Christmas, huh?
11:13When Santa left a bit of Bulldog in your stockings?
11:18You're disgusting.
11:20What, I went too far?
11:21I'm sorry.
11:22Why don't you come back here?
11:23I'll slip you an apology.
11:26Bulldog's still got it!
11:30What the hell are you doing here?
11:32Oh, this is, uh, this is my new job.
11:35I, uh, catalog the archive.
11:37You know, I clean up a bit.
11:39But, uh, I figure I'll be back on the air in no time...
11:43as long as I attack this job with my trademark can-do attitude.
11:47Great, well then, we're looking for a copy of my show, episode 893.
11:52No can-do.
11:53What?
11:54What, I've only been here an hour.
11:56I don't even know where the John is.
11:59Wait.
12:01Where's my power bar?
12:04I had a power bar here.
12:06Someone stole my power bar!
12:08This stinks!
12:10This is totally ass!
12:11This is...
12:12Oh, here it is.
12:18Richard, here's a box marked Best Frame.
12:20Oh, wow.
12:21Thanks, Ross.
12:22Let's have a look.
12:23Oh, good.
12:25Just a few tapes in here.
12:27All right, keep looking.
12:30Oh, hey, Doc.
12:31Kenny, I'm just the man I was looking for.
12:33Listen, where are all the tapes of my shows kept?
12:39You got them.
12:40Right there.
12:42Well, where are the rest of them?
12:44Yes, there are no rest.
12:46We record over them.
12:48I mean, look around, Doc.
12:49We got a space problem down here.
12:51Hey, Kenny.
12:52Where do you want me to put these snow tires?
12:54Oh, put them right next to my kids' bikes.
13:04Good afternoon, Seattle.
13:06Before we go to the phones,
13:08I have a boon to ask of you.
13:13If any of you happens to have in your possession
13:16a tape of my broadcast,
13:20a tape of my broadcast
13:22from June 14, 1996,
13:30I am in need of a copy.
13:33You see, I understand that from time to time
13:35people who call into my show record it,
13:39perhaps in order to review my advice
13:42or even just play it for some friends.
13:45Now I realize that this is a bit of a long shot,
13:49but it is the only missing tape of my collection
13:54and therefore, of course, has great sentimental value.
13:59Thanks for your consideration.
14:00Now, Roz, who's our first caller?
14:02We have Joe from Bashan Island on line one.
14:06Go ahead, Joe.
14:08I'm listening.
14:10About that missing tape.
14:12Yes, yes.
14:13I know what you're going through.
14:15A couple of years ago,
14:16I was in a taxi cab and lost a gold cuff link.
14:20Yes, and this relates to my missing tape how?
14:23Well, it's missing and I'm bummed.
14:27It has the initials JS on it.
14:30If anyone finds it, I'd love to have it back.
14:33Yes, I'm sure you would,
14:35but unless it's about my missing tape,
14:37well, then I would prefer to stick to calls
14:39about mental and emotional issues as usual.
14:45Thank you for your call.
14:48Who's our next caller, Roz?
14:50We have Phyllis from Green Lake.
14:52Phyllis, go ahead.
14:54I'm listening.
14:55My cat ran away last Wednesday.
14:58She's orange with a white chest and one white paw.
15:02Wait, Phyllis, Phyllis.
15:04All right, hold on.
15:05Hold on a minute.
15:08All right, now listen to me, people.
15:10I don't want to turn this show
15:12into the lost and found bin of the airwaves.
15:16Phyllis, I'm going to let you finish
15:18your description of your cat,
15:20and then we're going back to our regular show, all right?
15:23Okay.
15:24She has green eyes, a rhinestone collar,
15:27and when she's happy...
15:29Let's recap.
15:32In the last three hours,
15:35we have located a missing engagement ring,
15:40one lost cuff link,
15:43two missing cats,
15:45and we've actually reunited Eric from Belltown
15:49with his biological parents.
15:54Still, sadly, no sign of my missing tape.
16:00To that end, listeners,
16:02please scour your attics,
16:05basements, hope chests, whatever.
16:08Meantime, this is Dr. Frasier Crane
16:10wishing you a good day and good mental health.
16:14And don't forget to look behind things.
16:22I'm sorry, Frasier.
16:24Oh, that's all right, Roz.
16:27I mean, it'll turn up.
16:29I mean, it's only the first day.
16:30Word will get around.
16:31I'm sure somebody has that tape.
16:35I just don't want you to get your hopes up too high.
16:38Chances are that tape is gone for good.
16:42Well, if that's the case, then so be it.
16:46Life will go on.
17:02BEEP
17:14Hello, Dr. Crane.
17:16How was your nap?
17:22It's lovely.
17:24Oh.
17:28Daphne, could you make me a cup of tea, please,
17:32and whatever meal would be appropriate to this time of day?
17:40Dr. Crane, you've been in bed all weekend.
17:43How about going for a nice walk, hmm?
17:47No, thanks.
17:50Well, how about going to a movie, then?
17:53Get your mind off your troubles.
17:55My car's in the shop.
17:57You could take public transportation.
18:06Oh, I wonder who this could be.
18:13Oh, look, it's your brother, Niles, here for a visit.
18:19Hello, Frasier. How are we today?
18:24What the hell is wrong with the two of you?
18:27You'd think I've been found walking through the park in my underwear,
18:31talking to pigeons.
18:33Would we like a walk in the park?
18:38All right. Frasier, Frasier, wait.
18:41Hey, looking good, buddy.
18:44Hey.
18:48Not any better, huh?
18:49No, and I feel just awful. This is all my fault.
18:53Oh, come on.
18:54I'm the one who ruined his treasured collection.
18:57Oh, all his crap is treasured.
19:02But, look, don't feel bad. I've broken lots of this stuff.
19:07I've never heard of you breaking anything.
19:09Well, that's because I know how to cover my tracks.
19:12Take a look at that fertility god statue over there.
19:17It used to be a lot more fertile, if you know what I mean.
19:26Oh, my God, this is a tootsie roll.
19:34That's brilliant.
19:36Oh, that's nothing, Ian. Check out this vase.
19:39Two years ago, Eddie and I were horsing around, and I knocked it over.
19:42It took me hours to glue it back together again.
19:45Wait, you can't even tell.
19:47I have no idea you were so deviant.
19:51Come on, I'll show you how to make ginger ale look like 50-year-old brandy.
19:58Listen, Niles, I appreciate your concern. I really do.
20:01But, frankly, I am in no mood to endure therapy with my younger brother,
20:05no matter how well-intentioned.
20:07I'm not trying to butt in.
20:09I'm just curious as to why this tape matters so much to you.
20:14Have you ever listened to these?
20:16Once.
20:19When I had a date over.
20:24It proved a useful mood setter.
20:30Okay.
20:34Well, tell me this, then.
20:36Do you ever intend to listen to any of the others?
20:39Don't know.
20:41So, why is it so important to you to have each and every one of them?
20:46Because it's a collection, Niles. That's what a collection is.
20:50Is it possible that a harmless collection has become an unhealthy obsession?
20:56It's... it's just a hobby, all right?
20:59Or an obsession.
21:01An eccentricity.
21:03Or an obsession.
21:05Quirk. That's it. I'm quirky. I'm delightfully quirky.
21:12Do you realize that your delightful quirk has brought your life to a standstill?
21:17Niles, I've just finished my 2,000th show.
21:24I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally.
21:30I believe that I am entitled to an entire weekend of doing nothing.
21:37Don't you?
21:41You know you have your pajamas on backwards?
21:45Another delightful quirk of mine.
21:48Not from where I'm sitting.
21:52Hey, Fringe! The station called. Some guy has your tape.
21:58Oh, uh, well, thanks, Dad.
22:03Yes, well, I'll, uh, tend to this.
22:07Bye and bye.
22:10All right, I'll get the car. I'll put on pants.
22:13Zipper goes in front.
22:16Hello?
22:17Hello, yes. Dr. Crane, please, come in. Make yourself at home.
22:22You must be Tom.
22:24And you must be the greatest radio talk show host ever.
22:29You can call me Frasier.
22:32I think I'll wait outside.
22:36I didn't know you were back.
22:38I'm sorry.
22:40I think I'll wait outside.
22:44I didn't know you were bringing someone.
22:46Oh, Tom, this is my brother, Niles.
22:49Oh.
22:50Hello, Tom.
22:51Hi, yes.
22:52Yeah, didn't you fill in on Frasier's show a couple of times?
22:56Oh, yes, actually, I did.
22:58Yeah, yeah, you were all right.
23:01Oh, well, you flatter me.
23:03So, what's it like?
23:06Excuse me?
23:08Frasier Crane's brother.
23:10Being able to talk to him any time you want,
23:12having access to that great mind 24 hours a day.
23:17You know, I think I left my lights on.
23:19Oh, no, no, no, please.
23:21Please don't leave yet, please.
23:23If you don't mind, I was hoping that you would take a picture of Frasier and I.
23:27Well, of course he doesn't mind.
23:29Actually, I've even brought along an 8x10 photo.
23:34Personalized.
23:36Of course.
23:37There we are.
23:38Oh, my, that's really, I don't know.
23:43Yes, well, I thought you might like that.
23:45Yes, I'll have to do some rearranging, but don't worry,
23:50I'll find some room for it somewhere.
24:00I thought that was a window.
24:03Yes, well, it was.
24:06Okay, I'm going to go get the camera.
24:10Frasier, this man is deeply disturbed.
24:15Why? Because he has a few pictures of me on his wall?
24:20The man is obviously obsessed with you.
24:22What is it with you?
24:24I'm obsessed, he's obsessed.
24:26You know, I think you're the one who's obsessed with being obsessed.
24:29Okay, I apologize.
24:30He's delightfully quirky.
24:33Go ahead, caller, I'm listening.
24:37This is your mother.
24:40Call me and change that stupid message already.
24:43Mom, get a life, why don't you?
24:46Okay, here we go.
24:48Now, I want to record this historic moment,
24:51because I don't want to wake up tomorrow
24:53and find out that this was all part of a dream.
24:55All right.
24:56Because I've had this dream before, many times.
25:01Sometimes we're in London.
25:03Sometimes we're in Paris.
25:05Sometimes we're riding mules down the Grand Canyon.
25:10Oh, my God!
25:12This is going to be the jewel of my collection.
25:15I'm going to get a special frame for it,
25:17and I'm going to look at it while I'm listening to the show,
25:20and I... Oh, wait a minute.
25:22Oh, listen, uh, uh, uh, Frasier's brother.
25:25Um, your thumb was in front of the lens,
25:28if you don't mind, just one more.
25:30And you know what? Bring that chair closer.
25:32Come over here for a second.
25:34Okay.
25:35Just sit here.
25:36Yeah.
25:37Less like that.
25:38This is going to be great.
25:39Okay, sit here, and this time,
25:40why don't you act like you're giving me advice?
25:44Right, all right.
25:45Uh, Tom, well, you know, I was just wondering, um,
25:49have you ever called into the show?
25:52Me?
25:53Why would I call the show?
25:58Ooh!
25:59Did your head just touch that?
26:01Yes, I'm sorry.
26:02Don't be.
26:07Oh.
26:09So, uh, Tom, I-I take it
26:13you've been listening to the show for...
26:16for some time.
26:18Oh, are you kidding?
26:20From day one, I got so hooked
26:23that eventually I started taping them
26:25so that I didn't miss anything.
26:27I even was skipping out of work early
26:29so I could make sure to be home in time.
26:32So, in a way, Tom, you could say
26:34that your obsession with your collection
26:38was bringing your life to a standstill.
26:41Yes, yes, exactly.
26:43Until I realized how ridiculous I was being.
26:47I mean, missing work to-to tape the show?
26:51Oh, good for you, Tom.
26:53So you could say that, uh,
26:55it is possible to have a passion for collecting
26:58without losing sight of your priorities.
27:01Yes, exactly.
27:02And-and that's why I quit my job.
27:05Oh, this turned out really nice.
27:08And, you know, eventually the-the money ran out,
27:12so I got a gig as a night doorman.
27:15And-and that way, I could, uh...
27:18Ooh, I could, uh, you know,
27:20listen to the show a second time
27:22on my Walkman,
27:24and then I could do my transcriptions at work.
27:28You transcribed the show?
27:31Well, you gotta have a backup.
27:36Uh, listen, Tom, you know, I must confess,
27:40I'm a-I'm a bit concerned.
27:42Um...
27:44I'm delighted to have you as a fan.
27:47I really am.
27:48But the-the whole purpose of my show
27:50is to help people...
27:53live better lives.
27:56And I'm afraid that I've hurt yours.
27:59I just...
28:01There should be more to-to life than...
28:07There should be more.
28:09Yes, but as you always say,
28:11life is most fulfilling
28:13when spent in the pursuit of one's passions.
28:17Yes, but as I've also said,
28:19weave the tapestry of your life
28:23with many diverse threads.
28:26Ah, yes, but you added,
28:29make sure to weave the pattern
28:32that pleases you most.
28:37Weave the tapestry with diverse threads?
28:41Yes, Frasier said all of these things,
28:45and many others.
28:47He is a genius.
28:50Would you like some guacamole?
28:53Uh, yeah, sure.
28:57Thanks, Tom.
28:59Listen, I'm-I'm just, uh, thinking, um...
29:02I don't really want to talk you into anything.
29:05It seems I've done enough of that already.
29:08I, uh...
29:12Uh...
29:15Uh, Tom,
29:17what I'm getting at here is,
29:19I think there could be more to your life
29:23than just my tapes and pictures.
29:28Um, now, if you'd be interested
29:31in exploring those issues further,
29:34I can recommend someone
29:37who'd be glad to talk with you.
29:40Why? I-I have you.
29:53Well, you know, I-I think it's time we got going.
29:57Oh, no, so soon?
29:59Well, I suppose someone like you
30:01probably has a lot of things they gotta do.
30:03Right.
30:04I'm glad you could come at all.
30:06You know, stop by any time you want.
30:09Thank you, Tom. It was a pleasure.
30:12Oh, don't forget your tape.
30:18You know, Tom,
30:21I'd like you to keep that.
30:23But this is the reason you came.
30:26If I ever need it,
30:29I'll know where to find it.
30:37Um, you know those shows
30:40where I sat in for Frasier?
30:45You wouldn't happen to have those tapes, would you?
30:48Sorry, I-I don't collect just anything.
31:00Hey, there he is.
31:02Did you get your tape back?
31:05Actually, no, I didn't.
31:07What happened?
31:09Yeah, I think...
31:13Tonight I saw an example
31:16of how an obsession can take over a man's life.
31:22I don't want to be that man.
31:25Therefore, I chose to leave it
31:28and render my collection imperfect.
31:33But that's all right.
31:35You see, I don't need things to be perfect.
31:44Hello.
31:49Something's amiss.
31:54My double-handled amphora!
31:58All right, no one leaves!
32:03© BF-WATCH TV 2021
32:34They're calling again.
32:37Good night, everybody!