Malcolm In The Middle Season 3 Episode 8 Poker
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00idea to build a fire. Yeah. Hey, I didn't build a fire. I thought you built a fire.
00:15Well, looks like Reese got a D in English.
00:22And Dewey seems to be fighting again. Fighting. Oh, Malcolm! Tell your teacher I'd love to
00:29shop around the class overnight. We can share a tent.
00:35Yes, no, maybe. I don't know. Can you repeat the question?
00:45You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now.
00:53You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now.
01:04You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now.
01:09I can't believe Mr. Hercubee let you do a video project instead of a paper.
01:19You could have asked. I don't have parents rich enough to buy me a video camera.
01:25Rich and compensating. I don't even know what I'm going to write about. I mean,
01:31what's your movie going to be about? The creative process. You writing your paper.
01:41Is that thing on? Turn it off. I don't even have an idea yet. You're going to make me look like an idiot.
01:46I'm serious. This is great. Now knock me over.
01:53Yo. Hey, it's Abe.
01:57Oi. I know it's short notice, but someone dropped out of our poker game. Can you make it tonight?
02:04Are you kidding? I have been waiting for you to invite me for months. See you at eight.
02:09Thanks.
02:15Honey, honey, guess what? Guess what? I'm going to go play poker at Abe's tonight. He just asked me.
02:20Hal, tonight's our first dance class.
02:23That's tonight?
02:24Yes, it was your birthday present to me.
02:27Oh.
02:28Oh.
02:50Fine. Go play poker.
02:52I love you!
02:56Great. Now who am I going to go with?
03:00Did Rich finish his homework yet?
03:02Of course I finished my homework.
03:04Good. You can come to dance class with me.
03:06What? No, I was lying. I didn't finish my homework.
03:10I don't even know what my homework is.
03:12Go get your shoes.
03:13The weather report's right. The storm's going to last the week.
03:24Now you ration these supplies.
03:27Make no mistake.
03:29You're the last ones we'll dig out.
03:32We're supposed to live for a week on meat paste and caribou jerky?
03:36Hey, that's a week I don't get any work out of you.
03:40No one's crying for me!
03:42Now it's just a friendly game.
03:48Mostly we sit around talking, but eventually we get around to playing cards.
03:53Sounds good to me. I'm looking forward to meeting your friends.
03:59Hey everybody, this is Hal.
04:02Hal?
04:03Oh, Hal.
04:06Hal, this is Brian, Trey, Steve, and Malik.
04:10Hey.
04:12It's great to meet you guys.
04:16So, what's the buy-in?
04:18Fifty dollars.
04:26So what's with Wanda?
04:27Ain't no fame.
04:28Put a dollar in the pot.
04:42Oh, we got a regular D-Dog here.
04:45Oh, yeah.
04:46And right, left, cha-cha-cha.
04:51And remember, God created artificial hips for a reason.
04:54Let's use them.
04:56And back to cha-cha finish.
04:59All right.
04:59Very good.
05:00Everyone, let's pair up.
05:07Can I?
05:07Oh, okay.
05:15No way.
05:16You be a gentleman.
05:22It's just like touching that person.
05:25It's just like touching that person.
05:27Goodness, how many lessons have you had?
05:30What?
05:31None.
05:32Really?
05:32I'm impressed.
05:34You have very good instincts.
05:36I do?
05:37Mm-hmm.
05:38I'm not surprised.
05:39You're built for it.
05:40You have a dancer's ankles.
05:42I do not.
05:46You're a lovely young man.
05:48You don't shake like all the other men here.
05:53Mind if I cut in?
05:54You wait your turn.
05:57I'll give you five bucks to dance with me.
06:00Okay.
06:00Okay.
06:06And still, he has nothing.
06:20All right.
06:21You know what?
06:21That's it.
06:22I'm writing about you doing your movie.
06:25But my movie's about your paper.
06:30Yeah.
06:31I'm doing my paper about you doing your movie about me doing my paper.
06:37Fine.
06:37You know what you should do your movie about?
07:06Old people.
07:07Did you know that some of them have spent their entire lives saving money only to find out
07:12they've outlived everybody they want to share it with?
07:16Talk about sad.
07:26I'll raise you five.
07:28I'll see your five and raise you.
07:30Two.
07:39Two.
07:42Call.
07:43Full house.
07:44Kings over eights.
07:45Straight flush to the jack.
07:47I knew you had it.
07:50How could you know that?
07:51He had nothing on top.
07:53Trey never stays unless he's got something good.
07:56Well, perhaps we should call it a night.
07:59Perhaps.
08:00We are definitely bringing you back.
08:03Yeah.
08:04Hey, Brian, when was the last time you were here for an evening?
08:08Hey, you can't remember that far back.
08:11Now you got something to sneak into your wife's purse.
08:14I had the most wonderful time in dance class.
08:26Every time the instructor needed to show the class something, he used me as his partner.
08:32I always thought I was such a clawed hopper.
08:34I cannot believe what I have missed all these years.
08:39Oh, how was your poker game?
08:41Hmm?
08:42That was great.
08:43Why wouldn't it be?
08:45I love Abe.
08:46I love poker.
08:47A whole night playing poker with Abe and his friends.
08:51The teacher thinks I have a dancer's ankles.
08:55What do you think?
08:56Huh?
08:56You want to dance with the star pupil?
08:59Huh?
09:00You know, dance.
09:02No, I'm not in the mood.
09:06You're always in the mood.
09:07Not every single night of my life.
09:10Yes, you are.
09:11I'm not like some kind of machine.
09:13Yes, you are.
09:14You can't just snap your fingers.
09:16Yes, I can.
09:17I always have.
09:21Oh, all right.
09:26Palm kernel oil, pectin, manganese sulfate, and...
09:32Zinc oxide?
09:35Yes.
09:36That's meat paste, baby.
09:39Man, this sucks.
09:40We knew we were going to be stuck here for a week, and no one even bothered to grab a deck
09:44of cards or a magazine.
09:46I could do my foot puppets again.
09:48Please.
09:49No.
09:51How long have we been stuck here for?
09:53I have lost all sense of time.
09:56I guess about five days.
09:58We just got to keep ourselves busy.
10:01Tell you what.
10:02Let's put our heads together and recreate whole episodes of Gilligan's Island.
10:07We already did that.
10:08That was this storm?
10:10Look, if we don't come up with something to do, I'm going to go insane.
10:14Come on, Breeze.
10:30We don't want to be late.
10:32We're doing the mambo tonight.
10:33I'll be home about 10.30.
10:35Yes!
10:37What are you doing?
10:39Is it too much to ask that we get some pickles in this house that are edible?
10:43Hal, what's wrong?
10:44Nothing.
10:45Just go to your class.
10:48Look, you have been snapping at everybody all week.
10:53My class can wait one minute.
10:56Now you tell me what's going on.
11:00All right.
11:02This thing happened, and I didn't want to talk about it because I wasn't sure it actually happened.
11:06And if it didn't, I'd be like the biggest jerk in the world for saying that it did when it didn't.
11:10I'd be creating this whole big issue.
11:13But you know what?
11:13The more I think about it, the more I realize it did happen.
11:16Oh, it did.
11:17You know, dude, I recently come into a little money.
11:20So I went to the mall to buy myself a CD player.
11:24And then I saw this little kid that reminded me of you.
11:28And I thought of a better way to spend it.
11:30So here.
11:34Wow!
11:34Wow!
11:35Oh, my God.
11:43The look in your face.
11:44I was totally worth it.
11:46You're the worst brother ever.
11:48I know.
11:49I know.
11:50Because I wish that wouldn't happen.
11:52Oh, we like to think that the differences people have aren't really differences at all.
11:56But then suddenly you're on the outside being taken advantage of because you're different.
12:01Honey, I'm sorry.
12:02I got to go.
12:02We can talk later.
12:03Bye.
12:04Bye.
12:05Bye.
12:06Bye.
12:07Bye.
12:08Bye.
12:09Bye.
12:10Bye.
12:11Bye.
12:12Bye.
12:13Bye.
12:14Bye.
12:15Bye.
12:16Bye.
12:17Bye.
12:18Bye.
12:19Bye.
12:20Bye.
12:21Bye.
12:22Bye.
12:23Bye.
12:24Bye.
12:25Bye.
12:26Bye.
12:27Bye.
12:28Bye.
12:29Bye.
12:30Bye.
12:31Bye.
12:32Hello?
12:37Abe, it's Hal.
12:38You've reached the Carnarvins.
12:39Please leave a message after the beep.
12:47Abe, it's Hal.
12:48I don't know if this is recording,
12:50but we have something we need to talk about.
12:52Now, I could be mistaken,
12:54and if I am, I'm sure it's going to make me sound
12:56like I'm an idiot.
12:58Oh!
13:00Oh!
13:02Dad!
13:06Dad!
13:07Stevie's being really annoying.
13:09He's filming everything I do.
13:11Malcolm's...
13:12Damn it, Stevie, I don't want to hear it.
13:15You just behave yourself.
13:16You are a guest in this house.
13:19He was a guest in your house.
13:22People should never yell at children,
13:24especially children that aren't their own.
13:27I apologize two minutes later.
13:31And Stevie accepted the apology.
13:34You know, he's not that fragile,
13:35so why don't you just relax?
13:37Really?
13:38What?
13:38And at least I'm man enough to apologize
13:41when I've been a jerk.
13:43What is that supposed to mean?
13:45You know darn well what I'm talking about.
13:48The way you and your friends treated me the other night.
13:51What?
13:51Oh, please.
13:53Look, obviously I'm different.
13:55I mean, I walked through that door and stuck out like a sore thumb.
13:58I always thought those things didn't matter,
14:00but if you're implying what I think you're implying,
14:04you want me to just come out and say it?
14:06I think you better.
14:07Fine.
14:08You and your poker buddies all ganged up on me
14:12because I'm not a professional.
14:17Excuse me?
14:18You and your doctor friend and your lawyer friend
14:20and your dentist friend,
14:22you decided it was okay to skin a guy
14:25just because he's a working stiff.
14:27And I bet you had a big laugh about it afterwards.
14:31Listen, you idiot.
14:32We didn't gang up on you.
14:34You just stink at poker.
14:35Oh, is that right?
14:37That was a cheap shot.
14:38The truth hurts.
14:41If we were playing in a straight game,
14:44I would have mopped the floor with you.
14:46We did play in a straight game.
14:49And you went home crying to your mama.
14:53Why don't we play right now
14:54and we'll see who will do the crying
14:56and who will do the mopping.
14:58I will own you.
15:02I mean, I didn't mean.
15:05I meant to shut up and get the cards.
15:08I meant to shut up and get the cards.
15:35You're going to see me.
15:42He doesn't have the flush.
15:46What?
15:49He has a tell.
15:51He licks his lips when he's bluffing.
15:53I'll see your five and raise you five.
16:08Boom.
16:09That's ten.
16:33I call.
16:34Straight.
16:35Flush.
16:37Flush.
16:47Time's up.
16:48My turn with the string.
16:49I don't have it.
16:50I gave it to Pete.
16:51I gave it to Francis.
16:54And then I gave it back to Eric.
16:56What?
16:57You did not.
16:58Yes, I did.
17:00What are you trying to pull?
17:01Nothing.
17:02Nothing.
17:03I'm just saying I don't have the string.
17:05You're the last person I saw it with.
17:07What the hell are we going to do with that string?
17:09Guys, come on.
17:10It's just a stupid string.
17:16So what do you think would be a reason for saying that, Eric?
17:20You're the only one who seems to have a motive against the string.
17:23No, I love the string.
17:25It's just...
17:26Maybe you loved it a little too much.
17:28And I quote,
17:29If I can't have the string, no one will.
17:33I didn't say that.
17:34Well, someone said it.
17:36You, just now.
17:37Don't try to twist this around.
17:39He's not the one on trial.
17:42What trial?
17:44Guilty.
17:44Guilty.
17:45Guilty.
17:45She raises four.
18:11You are four.
18:13Five more.
18:14Malcolm, maybe you...
18:16You want to play?
18:17Fine.
18:18I almost feel sorry for them.
18:21Almost?
18:24All right, we're going to end this right here.
18:27Winner take all.
18:29Fine.
18:31Turn them up.
18:33Three fives.
18:34Three fives with a jack.
18:36No!
18:41That makes six fives.
18:43What the hell kind of deck has six fives?
18:46I don't know.
18:47I got them from the boys' room.
18:48You call yourself a poker player?
18:50You don't even have a decent deck.
18:52Well, I'm sorry I don't have solid gold playing cards like you're accustomed to at your house.
18:57This poor guy act is getting a little tiring.
19:01Your superior act is getting a little old too.
19:04Well, if I'm such a big jerk, why'd you even come over?
19:07Pardon me for wanting to play poker with my best friend.
19:17I mean, I was really excited to come over and play poker and meet your other friends.
19:24Truth be told, I was excited for you to come over too.
19:35I bought a new shirt.
19:37That Hawaiian one?
19:41Yeah, I like that one.
19:42Well, boys, what do you say we all go out and get some ice cream?
20:06Sounds good to me.
20:08Hey, Joey, come on.
20:09We're going for ice cream.
20:12Where's your brother?
20:15See this, ladies?
20:16Mrs. Angelo's going to get her dance.
20:19As for the rest of you, I am not running a charity here.
20:22You have to come up with the dough.
20:25I do not dance on credit.
20:27No offense, but some of you might not even be around next week.
20:31No offense, but some of you might not be around next week, but some of you might not be around next week.
21:01No offense, but some of you might not be around next week.
21:31Oh, I didn't want that to end.
21:34That does it.
21:35I'm signing up for your Monday-Wednesday class.
21:39Yeah, maybe Saturday, too.
21:40Oh, but first I've got to...
21:41Lois, Lois, please.
21:43Come with me.
21:45Um, we have to stop this.
21:55Why?
21:56Honey, you've outgrown me.
21:57I give beginning dance lessons, usually to people who can barely move.
22:04Now, this is another instructor.
22:10He's across town, but he is the best.
22:13He's the only one who can take you to the next level.
22:17But I really love it here.
22:20Lois, you have a gift.
22:25You mustn't waste it.
22:27It's time for you to spread your wings.
22:32Fly.
22:34Fly away, little bird.
22:37Oh, my God.
22:45Francis, you're going to do it?
22:47Hey, I'm your best friend.
22:49I'm not going to let one of these jerks brand you.
22:51Now everyone's going to know that you're a spring thief.
22:55We're shoveled out.
23:00Vacation's over.
23:05He took the...
23:07string.
23:15Every damn storm.
23:21So, Dewey, how come you're not playing with your toy?
23:25What are you smiling about?
23:43Where did you get this?
23:53Have a seat.
23:54In a minute, you and Mrs. Johnson do the forbidden dance.
24:00You think that's the only copy?
24:03What do you take me for?
24:06Enjoy your assembly tomorrow.
24:09So, I'm going to the ball game with Abe this weekend.
24:12I had one ticket.
24:14Invited me.
24:16That's great, dear.
24:17I'm glad.
24:19What's this?
24:20Who's this?
24:25I'll do this.
24:38I'll do this.
24:44He was trying to get rid of me.
25:04Hal, turn this off.
25:07Hal.
25:09Oh my God, I can't believe how beautifully you dance.
25:14Hal, you are such a fool.
25:44Hal, that's right.
25:45Hal.
25:46As soon as you have done that.
25:48You're so good.
25:49Hal, you are so good.
25:50I'm so good.
25:51Hal, you're so good.
25:52My God.
25:53My God.
25:54I'm so good.
25:55It's very good.
25:56I'm so good.