Malcolm In The Middle Season 3 Episode 17 Dewey's Dog
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00:00...making small incisions into the wall of the eye to allow the introduction of instruments into the vitreous cavity.
00:07Is there anything else on?
00:09Dad, this is interesting. I might be a doctor someday.
00:12You're right. You're right.
00:14The draining of the vitreous, the clear gel-like fluid that fills the back of the eye.
00:19Oh, I'm gonna go read.
00:26Kiki beats the heat in a red chiffon teddy.
00:29You don't want to watch a lingerie calendar shoot with your dad.
00:32It's Alexandra Light.
00:34Yes, no, maybe. I don't know. Can you repeat the question?
00:45You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now.
00:53And you're not so big. You're not the boss of me now.
00:59You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now.
01:04You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now.
01:09Come on!
01:16You boys are late. I want you out of this house in 30 seconds. Let's show some hustle.
01:21We've got time. When we're really late, our lunch is right on the front lawn.
01:24Come on, Reese! Go, go, go, go, go!
01:34Okay. I'm doing dry cleaner, mechanic, and post office. You're doing groceries and DMV, right?
01:40Right. Got the cable bill. Great. Bye, guy.
01:51Did I just say bye, guy, to you?
01:53I'm pretty sure you did.
01:55Guy? I called you guy? How can that happen? I've never done that before.
02:00Hell, it's a lapse. It doesn't mean anything.
02:03Guy?
02:04Hell, it happens.
02:05Let's get one thing clear.
02:08In no way, shape, or form do I think of you as a guy.
02:12You are a gorgeous, exciting, feminine goddess that I still don't know what I've done to deserve.
02:21Do you understand that?
02:23Yes.
02:29Let's do this walking.
02:31Okay, just for argument's sake, let's say Dr. Bombay was one of the mass surgeons.
02:39I'd still want Hawkeye operating on my perforated aorta.
02:44It's experience that counts.
02:46Think about it.
02:54Will you hurry up with those dishes? My bubbles are evaporating.
02:57Eric, you're not going to believe this.
02:59I swear, I just saw Come and Don Spangler standing outside the window.
03:06That's not even funny, Francis.
03:08There are some things you just don't joke about, and that hook-handed maniac is at the top of the list.
03:14But he was so real. It was like being back at military school.
03:17I know. For a long time, I saw him every time I shut my eyes.
03:21You just have to remember, we escaped from that hellhole.
03:25We made it out and found better lives for ourselves.
03:28Now, let's get these dishes done.
03:30We still have to snake out the toilets before we can call it a night.
03:33Hey, guys! Wait up!
03:42Hey, guys! Wait up!
03:51Hi! I'm Dewey.
03:53Dewey, you smell terrible.
03:56I like you.
04:00Maybe you could come home with me.
04:02Dewey, you're not allowed to have a dog, remember?
04:06We want you to be miserable.
04:08That's right, son.
04:09It's our job to make sure we're as unfair as possible to you.
04:13Don't listen to them, Dewey.
04:16I studied the matter thoroughly, and I'm convinced you can get away with it.
04:21All you have to do is hide me.
04:24Hmph!
04:27I'll call you Marshmallow.
04:28Tonight's the night
04:43It's gonna be alright
04:49Cause I love you, girl
04:52Ain't nobody gonna stop us now
04:58Hal, what are you doing here?
05:04Well, you're off work in five minutes
05:06And I am here to whisk you away for a night of romance
05:09Oh, honey, that's so sweet, but I can't
05:12I've got a cover for Craig tonight
05:14Why?
05:16Oh, he's sick as a dog
05:18Come on, you know that guy's the biggest faker in the world
05:21The last time he was out with the flu, we saw him
05:25Jumping up and down in the window on the Today Show
05:28That doesn't mean I wasn't sick
05:30You didn't happen to tape that, did you?
05:34I set my timer wrong
05:35Oh, honey, I'm so sorry
05:38After all the trouble you went through
05:41No, it's no big deal
05:44Really, it wasn't any trouble
05:48Thanks again for the ride home
05:50Wow
05:53So this is what it would have been like to go to my prom
05:57All I wanted was a nice evening with my wife
06:00I even dug up the wedding vows
06:02I never was able to read to her
06:05What happened?
06:07Oh, she went into labor with Francis in the middle of the ceremony
06:11I was going to read them to her tonight
06:14God, now I feel awful
06:19Don't worry about it, Craig, it's not your fault
06:24No, I really feel awful
06:26No, I really feel awful
06:26No, I really feel awful
06:29Are you awake?
06:55Oh, honey, I'm so sorry about tonight
07:01Listen, tomorrow night, I'm going to fix such a special dinner
07:04Just the two of us will lock the boys in the garage
07:07Open a bottle of wine, it'll be great
07:09Oh, I know, honey
07:13I know
07:15That's all I have
07:20That's all I have
07:50Is the roast medium rare?
07:57Did you put the wine in the fridge?
07:59Mom, my roast is perfect
08:01I never even knew we had fancy silverware
08:03When was the last time you used this?
08:05The night you were conceived
08:07You want more details?
08:08No
08:09Good
08:09Thank you so much for your help
08:12Now get in your room and don't make a peep for the next five hours
08:15Move!
08:20He's not a dog
08:24He's just pretend
08:26What's for dinner?
08:27A dog?
08:31Busted
08:32Please don't tell, Mom
08:33Please
08:34Do you have a death wish?
08:36Just let me have him one night
08:37I love him and he loves me
08:39Please, please
08:40Okay, do we relax?
08:43We won't tell
08:44Thank you
08:45So when do we tell?
08:49As soon as Dad gets home
08:51It'll be funnier
08:52I couldn't sleep at all last night
08:55Me too
08:56It's like there's something creepy in the air
08:58Francis!
08:59Come on, Spengler
09:05What are you doing in Alaska?
09:11I've come for you, Francis
09:14I've been searching for you for months
09:18Me?
09:20Why?
09:21Why?
09:22Why?
09:25Because
09:26After 32 years as an educator and disciplinarian
09:34Your desertion stood out as my only failure
09:40A failure
09:42That haunted my every waking moment
09:48I began to see your face
09:51In those of other young cadets
09:55Who didn't deserve the wrath
09:57That I poured down on their innocent souls
09:59There was a lawsuit
10:01Charges were filed
10:05Disgrace
10:07I can't even remember the fire
10:12But I do remember the cause
10:17Through all of my suffering
10:20I saw the stupid
10:24Grinning face of the one person
10:28Responsible for all of my suffering
10:33Who
10:35Die!
10:38Die!
10:41Die!
10:43Die!
10:44Sir, come out
10:45Your hooks are cold
10:46I saw the joy
11:02And then
11:07Dewey and Marshmallow
11:09Killed the evil dragon
11:11Rescued the poodle princess
11:13and flew all the way back home.
11:17And they got medals and big red capes,
11:21and everybody loved them.
11:25Are you okay?
11:32Marshmallow, roll!
11:40Marshmallow, stop!
11:42Boys, I thought I told you to stay in your room.
11:46Marshmallow, hide!
11:59I don't understand it!
12:02An entire roast with your bare hands!
12:06The salad, the potatoes, the green beans!
12:10What do you have to say for yourself?
12:13I was hungry, I guess.
12:15This is great!
12:16Let's tell them about the dog in really now's coffin shut.
12:19Not yet. I have a hunch.
12:21An entire stick of butter?
12:24Now! Let's tell them now!
12:26Wait for it. Wait for it.
12:28Wait a second.
12:29How could you eat a candle?
12:33I like candles!
12:37I think they're good!
12:39That's it!
12:41You are going to the hospital and getting your stomach pumped!
12:44All right, young man.
12:54I think you're empty.
12:57Well?
12:58He's fine.
12:59We didn't find any candles,
13:01but we did find some marbles
13:02and the waistband to a pair of underpants.
13:06Don't ask.
13:07Thank you, doctor.
13:08I do it.
13:11This is the end.
13:13You and your brothers are now officially in the red zone.
13:17But...
13:17Red zone, mister!
13:19Tomorrow night, I am taking your mother out on an emergency date.
13:23It will be a beautiful, romantic, magical evening
13:27that we need very badly,
13:29and nothing is going to derail it on penalty of death.
13:36Good.
13:38Do you want your army, man?
13:45Okay.
13:47So, how's he doing?
13:49I was out with him all night.
13:51It got pretty wild, but I think he's doing better now.
13:55I want to die!
13:57Why can't I just die?
14:01Stop talking like that, sir!
14:03This is just a momentary setback.
14:05I have nothing to live for.
14:09Mother no longer acknowledges me.
14:12I have no friends, no money.
14:15I won't even tell you how I paid for my journey up here.
14:20If it means anything to you, sir,
14:22you taught me how to be a man.
14:25I have no idea who you are.
14:29You don't remember me?
14:32After all that time at Marlin,
14:34the hell that you put me through,
14:35you don't even remember me?
14:39Cadet Dudley?
14:40Cadet Dudley?
14:41No!
14:42Eric!
14:43I just spent the last ten hours cradling you!
14:47Sir, this is because you're not feeling useful.
14:50Look, I talked to some people,
14:52and I think I may have found you a job.
14:56A what?
14:57It'd be with the interior department.
14:58You'd be helping the environment,
15:00working with people.
15:01You would be making a real difference.
15:04I couldn't do that.
15:07Thank you, son.
15:09And please, thank that girl
15:12for rocking me in her arms all night long.
15:15All right, who's ready
15:36for a fantastic night on the town?
15:39Oh, hell.
15:41They're beautiful.
15:43Just give me two minutes
15:44to freshen up,
15:45and I'll be ready to roll.
15:49Just stay put, Dewey.
15:50You're doing great.
15:51We've been in here
15:53for three hours.
15:56Hey, I'm just looking up
15:57your best interest.
16:01Okay, Dad just came home.
16:03Let's tell them now
16:03so it ruins their date.
16:05Or we can wait till they come home,
16:07and they might be drunk.
16:09This is true.
16:11All right, boys.
16:13Your father and I are leaving now.
16:14I left the number
16:15for the restaurant on the counter.
16:16If we get a call,
16:18it better be from the coroner.
16:19Nothing is going to ruin this night.
16:23Well, lady,
16:24your carriage awaits.
16:27Well, I'm out of here.
16:35Back at ten?
16:37Sounds good.
16:38Dewey, you and your dopey dog
16:40are on your own for an hour or two.
16:42Nope.
16:43What are you talking about?
16:44Did something happen to the dog?
16:46Oh, he's fine.
16:47He's just busy destroying
16:48your comic book collection.
16:50What?
16:50That's it.
17:01You're getting rid of that thing
17:02right now,
17:03and you're going to pay for this.
17:05I don't think so.
17:07Oh, I think so.
17:08I wasn't talking to him.
17:21Ever since the day I was born,
17:37you guys have been torturing me.
17:40I remember you trying to switch me
17:42for another baby at the park.
17:44I remember you telling me
17:45the Tooth Fairy was a vampire.
17:48I remember every wet willy,
17:50every booger sandwich,
17:52every stink hat.
17:54Dewey, we're sorry.
17:55Every waffle butt,
17:57every Chester Baxter,
17:59and every purple narple.
18:02And now you're going to pay.
18:06Dewey, this isn't going to work.
18:08Mom and Dad will be home
18:10in a few hours.
18:11That dog will be gone.
18:12You'll be in trouble,
18:13and we'll kick your ass
18:14for the next ten years.
18:16I know.
18:17So we better get started.
18:19What do you want?
18:23Everything.
18:24I want everything.
18:28Hal, this place is beautiful.
18:32It's so romantic.
18:34Everything is fabulous.
18:36Yes, it is fabulous.
18:38Look, they have your favorite.
18:40Oysters.
18:41We'll have to order some of those.
18:42Actually, I had a big batch
18:44of oysters for lunch.
18:46You did?
18:47Where did you get oysters?
18:49A guy has a cart
18:50outside the building.
18:52Besides, I am dying
18:54to try this plain broth.
18:56They're famous for it.
18:57For their broth?
18:58What are you talking about?
19:00Is that your friend Susie
19:01from work?
19:01Who?
19:02That fat old man?
19:04Oh, never mind.
19:05I'm just so excited
19:06to be here.
19:08Excuse me.
19:08Oh, sorry.
19:10Please, could you turn
19:11the air conditioning
19:11like 10 to 15 degrees colder?
19:14Okay.
19:18Okay.
19:19Hal?
19:20What are you up to?
19:22I'll never tell.
19:23I love this.
19:26I'm having such a great time.
19:29I'm too.
19:32Excuse me.
19:35Hurry back.
19:43Excuse me.
19:44I need your help.
19:46Here.
19:47Here's $20.
19:48Go and buy me some medicine.
19:49Some cold medicine.
19:51Insert it to me
19:52in a champagne glass.
19:53But I...
19:54Stop talking and go!
19:56Oh!
19:57Oh!
20:00Petzels down!
20:02Who wants to read
20:04their essay first?
20:07Marshmallow?
20:09Why don't you choose?
20:15Fifty reasons
20:16why Dewey is the greatest brother
20:18in the history of the universe
20:19and I'm a worthless
20:20chunk of garbage.
20:22Is that what we were
20:22supposed to be writing about?
20:26From the top.
20:28Fifty reasons
20:29why Dewey is the greatest brother
20:30in the...
20:31Stop!
20:32Something's not right.
20:37Wait.
20:42There.
20:44Continue.
20:45Nobody...
20:46Nobody...
20:48Move.
20:50Hello?
20:52I know someone's home.
20:54I saw shakes moving on a curtain.
20:57Marshmallow guard.
21:02Hey, Sport.
21:03Is your dad home?
21:04No.
21:04They went to a restaurant.
21:06But they said you should go over...
21:08Well, I just came to drop off some pants.
21:10They got out...
21:11Frank, help!
21:12Help us, please!
21:13No, he's gotten crazy.
21:14He's solving his prisoner.
21:21I'm sorry you had to see this.
21:23Number 12.
21:29His twinkling eyes.
21:31To us.
21:32To us.
21:34You know, Lois...
21:36Don't pass out!
21:38No.
21:39Don't keep it together.
21:41Smile.
21:42Smile.
21:43Love!
21:43Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
21:45You're going to throw up.
21:48Okay, if it comes to an aim for the ice bucket.
21:51Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
21:53We're stinky and evil.
21:55We're dumb and sarcastic.
21:57While Dewey, in contrast, is super fantastic.
22:01That's why Dewey is king.
22:03Why Dewey is king.
22:06Hey, it's haircut time.
22:09Think of your favorite stooge, and I'll be right back.
22:13Marshmallow, if anyone moves, eat them.
22:17This is insane.
22:19We've got to do something.
22:20I'm Moe.
22:22We don't have a choice.
22:23I say, on the count of three, we split up and all run for different doors.
22:28Are you nuts?
22:29He might get one of us.
22:31Yeah, but two of us will get away and go for help.
22:33I'm willing if you are.
22:35I can't sing anymore.
22:37Ready?
22:39On three.
22:40One.
22:44Two.
22:45Three.
22:46Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
22:49Good God.
22:50No, no.
22:52Oh, no.
22:53Oh, no.
22:53Oh, no.
22:55Craig's a good guy.
22:57He always comes through for us.
22:59I couldn't find any rusty scissors, so we're going to have to use...
23:03Where is he?
23:05He should have been back by now.
23:07Look at this.
23:08My palms are sweaty.
23:09Would you calm down?
23:11Here he comes.
23:16So?
23:18For some reason, I was fired.
23:25I don't believe it.
23:26He's drunk again.
23:27You're just going to have to face it, Francis.
23:30There's no hope for this guy.
23:32The only thing that ever made him remotely happy was tormenting and bullying helpless students.
23:38Without that, he's nothing.
23:42You call that a collage?
23:46It is an insult to the craft.
23:49I can see paste coming up over the top of the popsicle stick.
23:54I'm sorry.
23:55I have arthritis.
23:56That's it.
23:58You have just lost pudding for the whole group.
24:03Feel free to thank Mrs. Mikicuk after I leave.
24:16I feel like dancing.
24:18Me too.
24:26Darling, there's something I wanted to say to you for the longest time.
24:56I have to go to the hospital.
25:02Oh, Hal, you don't know how happy that makes me.
25:06What do you think?
25:11One more can?
25:13No, we don't want to spoil him.
25:16Besides, he probably has to go to the bathroom now.
25:19Who wants to go out in the front yard?
25:22Lord, I'll remember this, too.
25:25And how can words describe how I feel on this the day of our marriage?
25:31You are my day, my night, the sun in my sky.
25:35You are the Duran to my Duran.
25:39Oh, Hal.
25:42Her name is Lois, and she dances on the sand.
25:46Just like that river twisting through a dusty lane.
26:05For the saves that day in the dark yard.
26:12Did you think you canaken up in the � σεar Reach with me?
26:17You are the Duran.
26:17Until she-
26:18You are the Duran.
26:19I have two to go out in the sand.
26:20Just like I needed you to get out of bed for everything.
26:21I'm the Duran.
26:22To be careful where you want something.
26:24To be careful while you're not dying.