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00:00Just because he doesn't do what everybody else does
00:05That's no reason why I can't give him all my love
00:09He is always good to me, good to him I'm trying to be
00:13Cause he's not a rebel, no, no, no
00:15He's not a rebel, no, no, no, to me
00:19Oh, no, no, no
00:23No, no, no
00:25No, no, no
00:28It's right there, Murphy.
00:30Second paragraph, how can you not see something that's right in front of you?
00:33Miles, your tie's in your coffee
00:35What?
00:36Oh, great
00:38Just great
00:40This one was my favorite
00:41I can tell, they all look the same
00:43Except this one has a really big sting
00:46Alright, alright
00:48Let's just pick this up after lunch
00:50How about two?
00:52No, no, better make that 215
00:54That'll give me enough time to run over to Brooks Brothers and get a new tie
00:57Oh, haven't you heard they're all out?
00:58Big problem at the factory
01:00Evidently, the soap bars got so sick of churning out those strike numbers that they spun little looses and hung themselves
01:06You know, I really should take you shopping
01:09Humor?
01:11This somehow amuses you, Frank?
01:13Well, yeah, women always think they know how to dress, man
01:16Best way to help Miles look out is to go with another guy, like me
01:19What's wrong with my look?
01:20Oh, nothing if you're tearing tickets down at the centerplex
01:23Don't listen to them, Miles
01:25There's nothing wrong with finding a style you like and sticking with it
01:28Thank you, Jim
01:29And sticking with it
01:30And sticking with it
01:31Look, I'm just talking
01:33You're more conservative than I am
01:35You can't be serious
01:36Look at this rose pinstripe
01:38My socks have flecks of gold
01:40Well, compared to you, I'm a chorus boy at the Tropicana
01:43Open your eyes, man
01:46Don't you worry, Miles
01:48I'll take you shopping
01:49We'll make it Saturday
01:50I have a few things to pick up anyway
01:52Purse, belt, blouse to go with my new red suit
01:55There's a couple of shoe sales I want to check out
01:57You know what?
01:59You better set aside the whole day
02:00Oh, this is going to be so much fun
02:01Why does everybody want to take me shopping?
02:06There is nothing wrong with Brooks Brothers
02:07I even have my own salesman
02:09Bert
02:10Every time he sees me, it's
02:12Hello, Mr. Silverberg
02:14What can I do for you, Mr. Silverberg?
02:16Are you working out, Mr. Silverberg?
02:19Oh, yeah, you're hunky
02:21Look, obviously you need some help
02:23And since my interview with Oliver North was rescheduled to not in this lifetime, you're a luck
02:28I'll take you shopping
02:29That's all right
02:29Oh, definitely
02:30Shop with a woman who dresses like this
02:32So tell me, you can keep your socks in this drawer here
02:34I'll take you shopping
02:36No, I don't need
02:37Oh, great
02:37You'll both come back looking like Italian peasants with your shirts buttoned up to here
02:41GQ, babe
02:43Hot for spring
02:44What year, Frank?
02:451982
02:46I'm going shopping by myself
02:48Hey, it's your life
02:49But Miles, just out of curiosity
02:51If you'd have to choose between me and Frank
02:54Who would you have picked?
02:55Murphy, let go of the door
02:56Miles, you're holding up an elevator full of people
02:58Answer the question
02:59All right, if I had to pick, I'd choose Frank
03:01Wrong answer for you, boy
03:03Hi there, and welcome to Caravaggio
03:08May I help you find something today?
03:11Uh, yes, see, he's looking for a suit
03:15But you obviously don't have any
03:17But you obviously don't have any
03:17Let's go
03:18Oh, I haven't talked to you
03:19And I'd be happy to show them to you
03:21My name is Thaddeus
03:22I know you, I am a big fan
03:25I'm in love with that jacket
03:26Who's this?
03:29Miles Silverberg
03:29Right this way, Miles
03:31Mr. Silverberg
03:36Miles, you are what, about a 38 short?
03:40Regular
03:4038, regular
03:42Bert would have known that
03:43Forget Bert
03:44Bert's tip
03:44The wall of wingtips fell on him
03:46Now, these suits have just arrived from Milan
03:50They are the spring line from Roberto Brandini
03:52The suits, they come with wheatgrass and mustard
03:55But for your coloring, I am going to recommend eggplants
03:59I don't think so
04:03Eggplant upsets my stomach
04:05Look, don't you have anything that looks more like this?
04:10I mean, what's wrong with this?
04:12Well, to start, that blazer is cutting you in half
04:14Making you look shorter than you are
04:15And those vents
04:16You might as well have a sign on the back that says wide load
04:19But with this springini
04:23It would smooth out lumps
04:25While lengthening and enhancing the torso
04:27So, what are you saying?
04:29I'm a lumpy troll with a big butt?
04:32The dressing room is over here
04:34I'll find you a different shirt
04:35Okay, okay
04:38Maybe it's not what I would have chosen
04:40But we're here to experiment
04:41Go on, try it on
04:42I can't believe I let you rope me into this
04:50Here I am
04:52A successful man in my thirties
04:54Suddenly I'm back shopping with my Nana Silverberg
04:57Oh yeah, that was fun
05:02She'd take me to Saks
05:04Have them bring out jacket after jacket
05:06Until she found the perfect one
05:08Then, when they weren't looking
05:10She'd write down the style number
05:12Fake heart palpitations
05:14And we'd wind up on the Lower East Side
05:16Buying the same suit wholesale out of the trunk of a car
05:18Murphy
05:20Oh, sorry Miles
05:22You lost me when you said I reminded you of your grandmother
05:25I want to see the suit
05:27Okay
05:28I feel like the villain in a Batman movie
05:36You're not surprised
05:39You look ridiculous
05:40Take that thing off
05:41Oh, you look sensational
05:43I love this
05:44This is wonderful
05:44You're on commission, aren't you?
05:46Take it off, boss
05:47We'll find something else
05:48Fine
05:49But nothing from the produce department
05:51Listen, Taddeus
05:55I rarely say this
05:56But let's look for something more conservative
05:58Think Bob Dole
06:00Without the glitz
06:00Well, I do have this
06:08It is blue
06:10It is the dullest thing I have in store
06:12It's perfect
06:13Hey, Miles
06:14Right here
06:15Try this on
06:16Murphy, what are you doing?
06:19You got boxers on
06:21So I can see any
06:22Whoops
06:23The quorum dictates that a 20th anniversary
06:28Be commemorated with a gift of fine china
06:30But here at Nick at Night
06:33We're celebrating our 20th
06:34With a gift of fine travel
06:36And Nick was
06:39I didn't see that much of your
06:40Oh, look good back
06:45If it isn't Mr. and Mrs. Blackwell
06:47Where are the bags?
06:50Yeah, what's the matter?
06:51Didn't you see anything interesting?
06:52We saw nothing
06:53Nothing at all
06:56What is with you people?
06:59We have work to do
07:00We're workers
07:02If this were a beehive
07:03We'd all be sitting around on our stingers
07:05And nobody would have any honey
07:06We have a meeting to finish
07:08Buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz, buz
07:09I'm just gonna get my notes
07:12Oh, Murphy
07:14Can I borrow your copy of last Sunday's Washington Post?
07:17There's an article on evaluated taxes that I
07:20Okay
07:22What's going on with Miles?
07:25What makes you think something's going on?
07:26Oh, come on
07:27He was fine this morning
07:29Then you took him shopping
07:30Now he's buzzing around the office like a giant bee
07:33Did something happen on the way to the store?
07:35On the way to the store?
07:37No
07:37Okay, at the store
07:38Something happened at the store
07:40Oh, my God
07:41They didn't decline his credit card, did they?
07:43That's the most embarrassing thing in the world
07:44Well, I wouldn't say that
07:47Oh, look
07:52I forgot to feed McNeil
07:54You know
07:55I think he's still mad at me
07:56For flushing Lehrer down the toilet
07:58Changing the subject
08:02That means it is something
08:03Tell me, Murphy
08:05I can't
08:07Why not?
08:08Um
08:09Well, let's just say
08:10It's not something Miles wants out in the open
08:12She saw me, Frank
08:18She saw me
08:21She saw me
08:25It's not funny
08:36No, no, no
08:37It's not funny
08:38No, of course
08:39Of course not
08:39So she saw you
08:40So what?
08:41So what?
08:43Oh, come on, Miles
08:44There's nothing to get all worked up about
08:46Has she ever seen yours?
08:47Oh, God, no
08:48Look, you know
08:51Really, I only say that
08:53Because it's Murphy
08:55Not because
08:56I have anything to be concerned about
08:59So, so
09:00What are you saying?
09:02That I do?
09:04Because
09:05I don't
09:06I know that
09:08I mean, I
09:10I don't
09:10Know that
09:11But
09:12Listen
09:13I'm sure you haven't had any complaints
09:16Right, man?
09:17Wait?
09:18I don't think so
09:20Quite the opposite, my friend
09:24Well, there you are, right?
09:28Nothing to be embarrassed about, in fact
09:30Could be something to be proud of, huh?
09:42They've been in there for a while
09:44You don't
09:46Oh, no
09:47Definitely not
09:48Women don't talk about stuff like that
09:50Oh, my God
09:53Keep your voice down
09:56Oh, my God
09:57Then what happened?
09:59Oh, well, I'm not exactly sure
10:01He let out some kind of little yelp
10:03And then he bounced into the wall
10:05And then he tripped on his pants leg
10:06And fell on the floor
10:07Poor Miles
10:10So, what did it look like?
10:17I'm not telling
10:18Fine
10:19I don't even know why I asked
10:21I've always thought it was the best picture
10:24The men you work with is
10:25Ken dolls
10:26Well
10:29He's not a Ken doll
10:31No, no
10:32Just
10:35Pick something on your desk
10:37That it looks most like
10:38Corky
10:41Well, I'm sorry
10:43But I haven't seen as many as you
10:45What am I?
10:48A urologist?
10:50Anyway, we shouldn't even be having this conversation
10:52You know how insecure men are
10:53When it comes to that part of their anatomy
10:55Wouldn't you be?
10:57It's like going through life wearing a slinky
10:59I will tell you something else about women
11:07Freud was right on the money
11:12About that envy thing
11:13Because for a brief moment
11:17I saw a look in her eye
11:19That couldn't be explained any other way
11:23Hey
11:26We've all been there
11:28And that's why value-added taxes don't work
11:35Hi, Miles
11:37So, there you are
11:38Let's get this meeting started
11:41Great
11:42Not great
11:44Just what we do
11:44We have meetings
11:45And here's Jim
11:47To join our meeting
11:48I'm sorry, I'm late, Miles
11:49Hope I didn't leave you dangling
11:50You told her
11:54Could you tell her?
11:57Really?
11:58Murph?
11:58You told Frank?
12:00Yeah, he told me
12:01A guy can tell another guy
12:02Tell a guy what?
12:03I can't tell you
12:04Because it's embarrassing to Miles
12:08You said I shouldn't be embarrassed
12:09But what was I supposed to say?
12:10Would somebody please tell me what's happened?
12:13Murphy saw Miles' winner
12:17Well, you told me
12:29And Miles told Frank
12:30Somebody had to tell Jim
12:31No, they didn't
12:33And after six years of working together
12:36You should know
12:36That's precisely the sort of thing
12:38I want kicked from me
12:39Now, I believe
12:41We were in the middle of a meeting
12:42And I, for one, would like to finish it
12:44You, sit
12:45You, talk
12:47We'll start with you, Murphy
12:55Saw your edit on that NATO story
13:00Very informative
13:02Very thorough
13:04But I want you to go back into editing
13:06What? Why?
13:07Because after really looking at it
13:09I'm convinced your piece is too long
13:10I want you to follow up with that executive
13:31From Capitol Records
13:32On a possible Beatles reunion concert
13:34Because he might have a hot tip
13:35Jim
13:45Uh-huh
13:46I read your commentary
13:49Excellent
13:51Good job
13:53Now, Frank
13:58What did I say?
14:06I'm sorry
14:07I'm sorry if I was
14:07We'll be good
14:08No, no, no
14:11All right
14:14You're right to laugh
14:15You know, I mean
14:17If it had happened to anybody else
14:18I'd be making jokes, too
14:19Hey, want to go to the movies?
14:23I hear the fly is reopening
14:25And then Free Willy is coming out
14:29Here's another one
14:35Knock, knock
14:36My penis
14:38This isn't funny at all!
14:47Hey
14:48Oh, hey
14:49Hey, Andrew
14:50We haven't seen you all morning
14:52Come join us
14:54No, no, thanks
14:54I'm just getting something to go
14:56I'm busy
14:57Very busy
14:58In fact, who am I kidding?
14:59I don't have time for a sandwich
15:00It's okay, Phil
15:01Cancel it
15:01Uh, uh, Miles
15:02You can go
15:03But before you do
15:05We have to talk
15:06Come on over here and sit down
15:07Now
15:09There's something
15:11There's something
15:11I want to tell you
15:13And I'm going to tell it
15:16In front of everyone
15:17It's the story about
15:19A little girl
15:20In fourth grade
15:21A little girl
15:23Who was just
15:25As embarrassed
15:25As you
15:26And it was Murphy
15:28It happened during
15:31Story time
15:32We were all taking turns
15:34Reading out loud
15:35When the book was passed
15:37To Matthew Flynn
15:38This little Brad
15:38Who always thought
15:39He was smarter than I was
15:40So when he said
15:42The word sovereign
15:43I stood up and said
15:44Excuse me, Mrs. Ramsdale
15:46But I think that word
15:48Is pronounced souvenir
15:49But it really was sovereign
15:55Oh, yes, it was
15:59And I just wanted to die
16:04That's it?
16:12That's your most embarrassing moment?
16:14Well, of course
16:16There are others
16:16During my drinking days
16:18But, I mean
16:18How many times
16:19Can you hear about
16:19The evening at the White House
16:21When I grabbed the microphone
16:22From Wiza Minnelli
16:23And did my own version
16:24Of New York, New York
16:25I think the point
16:28Murphy's trying to make here
16:30Is that at one time
16:31Or another
16:32We've all been
16:32Deeply embarrassed
16:34I mean
16:34Who here
16:35Hasn't dropped a tray
16:38In the cafeteria
16:39Or
16:39Or flooded a toilet
16:42At someone else's house
16:44My biggest fear
16:46Or lost the inflatable woman
16:49Your friends got you
16:50For your 16th birthday
16:51Only to find
16:53Your little sister
16:54Floating on her
16:54At the Flatbush Community Pool
16:56Your turn, Cork
17:02This will help you, Miles
17:05It was the 4th of July
17:07Parade in Nebo
17:08I was 15
17:10And as captain
17:11Of the drill team
17:12I got to twirl
17:13The flaming baton
17:14Well, my first two tosses
17:17Were perfect
17:17But on the third toss
17:20I must have given
17:21A little something extra
17:22I waited
17:24And waited
17:26And then I smelled smoke
17:29I turned around to see
17:32The entire salute
17:35To cotton float
17:36Completely engulfed
17:37In flames
17:38The ember spread
17:41To Uncle Sam's pant leg
17:42Well, you never saw
17:44A man on stilts run so fast
17:45Wow
17:47Burning down your hometown
17:50That's about as embarrassing
17:51As it gets
17:52Don't you think?
17:52Of course, we haven't heard
17:53From Jim
17:54Jim?
17:55I'd rather not
17:56Thank you
17:56Okay, well
17:58Then I think
17:59This has been good
18:00I mean
18:00Obviously
18:01We've all had moments
18:02Where we just wanted
18:03The earth to open up
18:05And swallow us
18:05But we managed
18:06To rise above it
18:07So
18:08I think we should just
18:09Put this behind us
18:11And move on
18:12With our lives
18:12I want to hear Jim's
18:14He, uh
18:17He wants to hear yours, Jim
18:19Miles would feel better
18:21If he heard yours
18:22Our friend
18:24Who we love
18:24And hate
18:25Oh, all right
18:26You must know
18:27I was on
18:32A plane to Paris
18:33In 92
18:33We were about an hour
18:35Into the flight
18:36When I decided to
18:37Freshen up
18:38I securely locked
18:41The laboratory door
18:43Behind me
18:43I distinctly remember that
18:44So you can imagine
18:46My surprise
18:47When I brushed up
18:49Against it
18:49And the door flew open
18:50Giving the entire cabin
18:52An unobstructed view
18:53Of my
18:53Bare body
18:55You mooned the plane
19:00I'll never forget
19:03The expressions
19:04On the faces
19:04Of those
19:05Two elderly women
19:06In the front row
19:07One of them was
19:09The other was
19:13The most horrifying experience
19:21Of my entire life
19:22Whoa
19:24That's about as
19:27Embarrassing as it gets
19:29Wouldn't you say, Miles?
19:30I mean
19:30What
19:31I guess about
19:33A hundred people
19:34Saw Jim's bare bottom
19:35Wouldn't you say, Jim?
19:36About a hundred people
19:37Saw your bare bottom?
19:39I never really
19:40Stopped to count
19:41Oh, well, yeah
19:42I think at least
19:43A hundred
19:44And then let's not
19:45Forget Jim is famous
19:46So all of those people
19:47Probably told all
19:48Their friends
19:49And then
19:49They told all
19:50Their friends
19:51So I'm guessing
19:52About a thousand
19:54No, a couple thousand
19:55People are talking
19:56About this
19:56You know, Murphy
19:57You know, Murphy
19:58Murphy
19:58Jim might still be
20:00A little sensitive
20:01About the whole thing
20:02Can you blame him?
20:04I mean, just picture it
20:05Excuse me, stewardess
20:06I didn't know
20:07I was in the tail section
20:08Oh, boy
20:10Go ahead and laugh
20:12You with your little
20:13Floaty girlfriend
20:14At least I only humiliated
20:16Myself in front of strangers
20:17And she did it
20:18In front of her entire town
20:20Well, maybe my cheeks
20:22Were red
20:23But I bet your cheeks
20:25Were redder
20:25Just about
20:27Enough of it
20:28All right
20:28I think it's clear
20:30That we're all open
20:31To a little friendly ribbing
20:33And we can't just be
20:34Too sensitive about these
20:36Start spreading the news
20:38Hey, lay off, moon man
20:41It happened 15 years ago
20:43And I've gotten over it
20:44None of you have
20:47All you've done
20:49Is prove that
20:49Your embarrassing moments
20:50Stay with you
20:51For the rest of your life
20:52I thought if I could just
20:54Get through
20:55The next couple of days
20:56It would be okay
20:57But it won't
20:59See
21:00You people
21:02Don't have to see
21:03The airplane ladies
21:04Or
21:04Liza Minnelli
21:06Every day
21:06But I can't avoid Murphy
21:09Unless I change jobs
21:12Maybe there's an opening
21:14At the morning show
21:15At least Paula Zahn
21:17Hasn't seen me
21:17With my pants down
21:18No, but she's
21:22Certainly heard the story
21:23All right
21:34This has gone far enough
21:35Jeez, you never knock
21:36Do you?
21:43I know you men
21:44Think the world revolves
21:45Around your south poles
21:46But what happened yesterday
21:48Was just a silly
21:49Little incident
21:50Between two friends
21:51That was over
21:52In the blink of an eye
21:53Okay, maybe three blinks
21:55The point is
21:56It hasn't affected
21:57My relationship to you
21:58And you shouldn't
21:59Let it affect
22:00Your relationship to me
22:01I know I shouldn't
22:03But it does
22:04If it were anyone else
22:06Jim or Frank
22:07Or Corky
22:08Or Ruth Bader Ginsburg
22:10It wouldn't matter as much
22:11Ruth Bader Ginsburg?
22:14I have enough problems
22:16Don't ask me where
22:16That came from
22:17The fact is
22:20You don't realize
22:22What you're like
22:23You are a powerful
22:25And intimidating person
22:26And I have worked hard
22:28To gain your respect
22:28It has taken me
22:30A long time
22:31To establish my authority
22:32With you
22:32And now that's gone
22:34Now your opinion of me
22:35Has been diminished
22:36Or enhanced
22:38Come on, Miles
22:42That's not where
22:42Your authority comes from
22:44I mean, you're smart
22:45You're creative
22:46Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah
22:47It's all just words
22:51Our balance has been altered
22:53And there is nothing
22:54That can change that
22:55Well
22:57Looks like we have
22:59A real problem here
23:00I guess there's
23:03Only one thing left to do
23:05Restoring the balance
23:18Now
23:21When you say
23:22Restoring the balance
23:24You're taking off your shirt
23:26Well, talking didn't work
23:29This is how much
23:30Our friendship means to me
23:31I don't know what else to do
23:33I don't know how to fix this
23:34You're taking off your shirt
23:37You are not
23:39You're bluffing
23:39All right, all right
23:40All right
23:40You're not bluffing
23:41Hey, hey
23:42You know
23:43Suddenly
23:44I feel a lot better about this
23:45I mean, it's all authority
23:48And respecting
23:48Ooh, it's back
23:49I don't know
23:51You don't sound too convinced
23:52I'm not
23:53I'm not
23:53But I'm willing to work on it
23:55Because as difficult as this has been
23:57It would be harder
23:58Carrying around the image
23:59For the rest of my life
24:00Are you sure?
24:04Yes
24:04Oh, my God
24:07I haven't flashed these since Woodstock
24:10I want you to know
24:14I appreciate the gesture
24:16Hey
24:17What are friends for?
24:20Oh, Rance
24:21I dropped a button
24:22What does it look like?
24:25I want your little white
24:26Hey, Miles
24:27Hey, Miles
24:27Oh, dear
24:29Miles
24:30To celebrate our 20th anniversary
24:41We're gonna party like it's 1985
24:44With a lineup of hit shows
24:46From the year Nick at Night began
24:48It's Nick at Night's 20th anniversary celebration
24:52Three nights beginning tomorrow night at 10 p.m.
24:54I'm like, what do you think?
24:56I don't know
24:58I don't know
24:58What do you think?
24:58I don't know
24:59It's Nick at Night's 20th anniversary
25:00I'm going to be thinking about it
25:01I don't know
25:02I don't know
25:02I don't know
25:03I don't know
25:04I don't know
25:04I don't know
25:05I don't know
25:06What do you think?