Murphy Brown Season 6 Episode 7 I Don't Know You From Madam
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TVTranscript
00:00hi i'm murphy brown you must be my new secretary would you mind returning this
00:13take the editing for me i've got a very good feeling about this one that's what it is has anyone seen
00:37this the tribune founded by horace greeley one of the last bastions of serious journalism in
00:42this country is running a front page expose on holly adams the beltway madam listen to this
00:51nicknamed the beltway madam for allegedly running the capitol's priciest prostitution ring
00:56holly adams grew up the middle daughter of a small-town businessman full of determination and
01:01grit this is unbelievable hoker gets the headline and half the front page clinton's health care
01:06package gets two paragraphs and a dunesbury what is happening to this it's like people are obsessed
01:11you can't turn on the television or the radio without hearing holly this holly that meanwhile
01:16there's fighting in bosnia russia's collapsing what could these women possibly do to get that kind of
01:24money oh
01:28sex and innuendo that's what sells these days woody allen and mia farrow donald trump and marla maples
01:35peewee herman and peewee herman
01:40i remember a time when journalism was a profession of honor
01:43morning people
01:48well i just had an interesting meeting with the network brass all those guys
01:58why are you automatically assuming it's something bad because every time you laugh like that after
02:02your network meeting it is something bad the last time they wanted us to do cameos as victims of a
02:08stagecoach accident on dr quinn medicine woman remember that jane seymour was going to amputate frank's
02:14leg with a bowie knife this isn't like that at all in fact the entire meeting was about the news and
02:22how much of it there is these days from the deficit to somalia to holly adams
02:27oh boy they want us to cover holly adams you told them we wouldn't do it didn't you miles
02:38now let's just face facts for a minute this kind of thing fascinates people
02:42solar traffic accidents but we don't set up our camera on i-95 and wait for a 10 car pile up
02:49murphy's right i'm not about to do the kind of sensationalistic trash i saw on channel three last
02:53night what men want the love secrets of holly's dollies or the garbage on channel 12 suburban
03:01sex rings how to tell if your neighbor is a hooker
03:06what about that capital sex posee on channel eight will someone please explain the news value of
03:11reporting from inside an s m shop there were devices in there they could have front mounted on tanks during
03:17the gulf war well well well considering how disgusted you all are by all the coverage it doesn't seem
03:27like any of you missed the single report it was not while i was folding my laundry it was doris's night
03:33with the clicker i was uh looking for the discovery channel oh admit it you weren't folding or flipping or
03:43clicking you were watching and why because you were curious everyone's curious who's hooking who's
03:51being hooked is there a black book who might be in it people there is a story here and our competition
03:58is running with it are we going to be the only ones left in the dust sure fine so what if there are 37
04:05other magazine shows waiting to drive us off the air 20 20 48 hours 60 minutes date line night line prime
04:12time it's a jungle out there and everyone expects old buona silverberg to carry us through
04:19well grab your machetes and start whacking fyi is doing this story yeah you can whack all you
04:26want miles but you're whacking alone tell him guys you know i don't like this story any more than
04:32you do but this may be one fight we can't win you've got a point slugger my experience when the boys
04:37upstairs want hookers they usually get them miles i'm sorry but i'm not gonna have anything to do
04:44with this story that's all right corkey you don't have to cover this well and miles i'm up to here
04:48with my pentagon story there's no way i'm gonna be able to break don't worry about it
04:54oh no you're not looking at me miles why aren't you looking at me
05:01oh no the network specifically asked for you why why do you think it's a cheap and taudy story and they
05:08need you for credibility they're not the complete idiots you think they are no you're right miles but with a
05:12little work in practice i'm sure they could reach full idiot potential and no let me remind you
05:18about something murphy this is a job not make believe we're not doing the mary tyler moore show here
05:26there's no audience laughing at every cute little thing you say
05:30this is the real world so when i tell you you're doing a story you don't just say oh mr grit i don't
05:36want to you do it now holly adams is being rained in about 45 minutes so you better hurry if you're
05:46going to get to the courthouse in time mom i still don't see why i can't go out angie i told you we've
05:54got guests coming it's a new season of fatherhood with big guests oh boy look at this place carl
06:04everyone waiting to pounce on the first warm body that crosses their path it's like a tail hook
06:09convention without the room service this isn't the kind of assignment you're relish but i'm not
06:15sorry we're here i've missed being out in the field with you more than i've missed real butter
06:22we've done some great stories together yeah great ones man those lawyers drag out an arraignment or
06:31what well hey hey hey what a surprise murphy brown you know i thought it was you but then i figured
06:39why would the first lady of television news be slumming around a prostitution story excuse me do
06:46i know you tom del rubio current edition you don't remember me that's surprising you know because
06:53you did mention our show in the last issue of broadcast monthly tennessee what did you call us
06:59a festering boil on the back side of journalism oh right you know i i really didn't want them to
07:06publish that but they felt that my original quote was too harsh yet here you are festering on the
07:14rest of us by my count there must be six or seven of you prime time big shots lurking around our little
07:20gutter hey mister you don't know how lucky you are to have murphy brown in the gutter with you
07:26she's ten times a journalist you are and if she's ready to move into prosecution then you'd better just
07:31stand back watch it and learn how it's okay uh listen tell rubio i don't owe you any explanations but
07:41if you want to know why i'm covering the beltway madam i'll tell you because this story transcends
07:48tawdry sex and smarming innuendo it's a story about our nation's capital as a microcosm for this country
07:55and it's unraveling social fabric oh an unraveling social fabric show geez they'll be glued to their
08:02tvs for that one you know you can dress it up any way you want it's still sex and you're selling it
08:09just as much as holly is the only difference is her customers usually stay awake until it's over
08:14this is a flying paddling smut jocky i'm not about to lower myself
08:27were you protected by federal officials holly how do you feel
08:36how do you feel piercing question
08:39hey murph how's it going oh great frank and it just keeps getting better did i tell you holly's
09:01gone into hiding it's true nobody knows where she is i'm feeling ashamed and alone and i'm
09:08looking for a hooker now i know what it feels like to be jimmy swagger
09:15oh god i miss real news talk to me frank how's your story going oh it's going great
09:21well well not great good fine it's going okay really tell me all about it well there's really
09:29not that much to tell i did this morning i i had a briefing at the pentagon the pentagon oh i love the
09:36pentagon were the flags out front snapping in the wind well they weren't exactly snapping they're
09:43just sort of waving in the breeze and who did you talk to there frank were there any generals did you
09:48get to grill a general no honest just a colonel or two and that's right let's ask him call he's ready to
09:55see you oh thanks bobby i gotta go i can't keep less aspen waiting less aspen i love less aspen
10:04but i'm sorry murph uh listen how about i bring you something back from the gift shop
10:09maybe maybe one of those floaty pens with a stealth bomber inside
10:15say hi to less
10:21i see you jim
10:27you're looking good today i was just saying to corky considering the stress she's been under murphy's
10:32looking surprisingly good did i say surprisingly i'm sure i must have said astonishingly oh um so
10:44how are things in guacamora
10:49they suck jim
10:53oh murphy there you are now i knew you were feeling sad so i decided to do for you what i do for myself
11:00every day i sat down and wrote a list of 10 things you can be grateful for here read it corky
11:06please i'm really not in the mood oh just try it it always works for me i know it'll make you feel
11:12better go on number one at least i'm not stuck with that disgusting degrading hooker story oops
11:22unless i've given you my list at least you got an idea of the way these things work
11:36there's something you should keep in mind slugger anyone can do a compelling story about hard news
11:43but to create award-winning journalism out of cheap filth that's the mark of the great
11:51that's the mark of the great news
11:55217.
12:02murphy
12:04the murphynator
12:10fyi's own little slayer of big old nose dragon
12:14they have nothing miles 48 hours grabbed her housekeeper 2020 has a real estate agent and the
12:27kid who mows her lawn isn't talking to anyone until he finishes his screenplay
12:36so uh you don't have much i don't think you understand i don't have anything
12:42nothing nada book this the big zippo
12:47okay murphy you're off the story i am well yeah you just said you tried everything you could look
12:56you never liked this story so who could blame you if you weren't i don't know hungry enough willing to
13:02dig a little deeper obviously other people were which is probably you know why you got scooped i guess
13:10probably well we'll never know i was thinking about doing this story on the free trade agreement
13:14no no no no no no no no free trade i just put a challenge out there you're supposed to grab it
13:19hungry dig scooped those are the words of a challenge
13:30i am under intense pressure from the network i am the butt of jokes from other producers
13:36last night at the press club they were calling me miles away from the story silverberg
13:44i want holly adams i want her bad you think i'm not trying i could put her dog groomer on film
13:51get the exclusive story of the chronic flea problems of her precious little shih tzu maybe you
13:57can live with filler like that miles but it's still shih tzu to me
14:03i gave it my best shot i promise you if there'd been any legitimate lead whatsoever even once until
14:10i would have been on it like that but there is nothing hey there murphy i've got that sandwich you
14:18ordered i didn't order anything yes you did and you want to eat it in your office right now
14:30come on murphy let's go look at that sandwich
14:36i don't have to tell you if there are certain stories i think you guys should be above poking
14:41your nose and your nose is it you know the kind i mean lurid tawdry without redeeming social value
14:47wait wait wait and even so when information comes along that i think may help out a friend
14:55i'm willing to overlook my moral dilemma on the back of this napkin is the address where holly adams
15:03is hiding out yes oh gee thanks phil well there's gratitude for you maybe i should have just taken this
15:16state line they say i owe them one i don't know why if i told you to blow up a truck wouldn't you know i
15:24was joking this is so great now all we have to do is stake out this address and we're back in business
15:35i'll arrange for your surveillance truck no no no miles i think you mean our surveillance truck
15:40at least if i'm going down i'm taking you with me you're not going to be miles away from the story
15:45on this one young women make up the majority we're going to keep this up miles don't you think of
15:56holiday wearing there we would have seen something by now where in that donna karen ad lurking among
16:03those ferragamo shoes would you get in the game please anything can happen tonight we need to be ready
16:08don't worry about me miles first sign of anyone in or around the house i'm on the move and murphy
16:15if things turn ugly i want you to know i'm there for you just like kevin costner was there for whitney
16:24houston good to know carl think about it whitney was always in the spotlight adored by millions
16:35while kevin toiled quietly behind the scenes
16:40fate had a way of hopelessly intertwining their lives
16:46by the way miles if uh if there's anything i could do to get you to stretch your legs for half an
16:52hour or so there's some things a man can only say to a woman in private
16:58pearl if you could say that fate intertwining their lives stuff in front of me i think you
17:02could say just about anything
17:03i just don't understand how you can be so blasé maybe i'm crazy maybe it stopped getting to you
17:12after your 50th stakeout but i am jazzed i mean what could possibly be more exciting than playing spy
17:19versus spy waiting watching hoping the other guy will slip up
17:30carl we're trying to draw as little attention as possible
17:33was i singing sorry right now holly adams the woman all of america is looking for could be inside
17:42that house and what if she has a visitor someone wants to talk to her about her little black book
17:47what if some judge or a senator comes walking up and we're there to confront them camera at the
17:51ready mike in hand what if we get someone even bigger maybe a member of the cabinet or maybe even the
17:58president who's that coming down the sidewalk it's the entire supreme court here to take advantage of holly's group rate
18:14fine joke all you want but you know as well as i do plenty of groundbreaking stories started with
18:20less than we have here name one the hud scandal love canal what if no one poked around long enough to
18:27connect the arms sales to iran with the supplies to the contras what then
18:37come on murphy admit it weren't there a few times you struck gold by following some pretty weak leads
18:44what about noradine pharmaceuticals well noradine i haven't thought about that story in here how do you
18:52know about that story i wrote a term paper on it for my freshman mass media class a textbook case of
18:59undercover journalistic investigation sure it's textbook now boy when i started working on that the only
19:07lead i had was about as flimsy as whitney's negligent their first on-screen log scene
19:18so every day for three weeks you hid in the ladies lounge while the vp secretary smuggled you page after
19:28page of company records until you found what was it again a phony research grant hiding a secret slush fund
19:38used to bribe an fda official i won my first humboldt for that and you deserved it talk about your
19:45perseverance sort of reminds me of a couple of guys from the 70s a couple of guys who wouldn't give up on a
19:54lead about a third rate burglary a couple of guys who gave us a little story called watergate
20:02oh my old lord i was a good story it wasn't a watergate a watergate no
20:12but maybe this one is are you prepared to walk away now never knowing or worse
20:17to turn on your tv tomorrow night and see holly adams sitting with barbara walters
20:24trying her eyes out as barbara hands her kleenex after kleenex oh i hate when she does that
20:31what does she do murphy we all do wouldn't it be great if once just once babs was the one doing the
20:38cry yeah oh yeah make her cry murphy do it for all of us hey a light just came on downstairs
20:52someone's in there see they're coming out okay okay carl get ready to move but not until she's at
20:58least 30 feet from the door we don't want her disappearing back inside the door's opening
21:01is it holly not unless she's a chinese man with a mustache just a guy carrying out the trash okay
21:09okay so it's not holly at least we know there's someone in there wait there's a man coming down
21:14the street he's slowing down he's stopping in front of the house does it look like a judge or maybe a
21:18senator oh my god my heart it's pounding so fast can you hear my heart he's going for the garbage can
21:24he's looking for something in the garbage oh my god he's looking for something in the garbage
21:31hey hey hey get your hands out of my garbage
21:38get out of here hey i've got as look right through this story as you do
21:42oh yeah i don't see your name on the phone
21:46you know what you want to get help really no you're crazy you're out of your mind
21:50what have you got nothing
21:54all right you just drop that post-it and step away from the garbage
21:59now murphy
22:01get out of here get out of here
22:03get out of here
22:05it's over here
22:08look at all of this
22:09great stuff
22:11come on come from me look help me
22:13murphy for god's sakes look at yourself
22:15what murphy what
22:18oh god god
22:20i got a hamburger helper on me
22:25i sank to their level no i sank below their level i fought over garbage
22:32i i fought over carrot tops and onion skins and whatever the hell this is
22:41i'm here for you happy i would have been here sooner
22:45but i pulled the hamstring climbing out of the truck
22:48it's okay carl how can you say that i failed you
22:51you know i've had dreams where you were covered with fruit
22:59a long time before i had one of those again
23:02i did this to you this is all my fault i'm calling the network no story is worth this
23:11no i'm just sorry we both had the wallow in garbage for me to realize it no myles
23:23now we've both swallowed in garbage
23:30well could have been worse we could have gone on the air with this story and lost all our dignity
23:36yeah at least whatever humiliation we suffered we suffered in private
23:42good evening tonight we take you to bosnia and its continuing civil war
23:48then to israel's west bank where peace springs unforeseen changes
23:52but first the washington media circus refuses to relinquish the tale of holly adams
23:59in a disturbing illustration of the depths to which news correspondents have sunk in their efforts to
24:05gather new material amateur video shot by a local washington resident reveals fyi's murphy brown
24:13fighting with an unidentified man over garbage allegedly belonging to the beltway madam
24:20a sad commentary on the state of journalism today coming up the british royal family
24:26caught with their parents down again