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00:00and racetrack.
00:06So thanks for joining us for another conversation on manhood.
00:11This one, there's a lot of dialogue that was taking place
00:14just before we hit that record button.
00:16So I want to make sure that you guys are in on this topic.
00:20It's a bit off topic from the subjects
00:23that we would have picked going into the season,
00:26but it's a very important one.
00:27You know, some of the feedback that we've been getting
00:29is that we need to have some younger people on the set.
00:32And initially I took umbrage to that
00:35because I was like, you know, I'm a young guy.
00:38I'm, you know, I feel young.
00:40I think I look young.
00:41Don't mind the, you know, the salt and pepper
00:43and all that in it.
00:46You know, women, don't fool yourselves.
00:47You know, the salt and pepper is experience.
00:51So let me get straight into it.
00:53I have with me today Sarius Gishad,
00:57announcing training.
00:59A good friend, Kimron, a.k.a. Crazy Legs,
01:03influencer, producer, good partner.
01:06And Nile Royal, Mcnish, Royal, Mcnish.
01:11He's, he's Royal.
01:13So, you know, and the topic today,
01:17you know, with these gentlemen,
01:18gentlemen, gentlemen, is based on being single.
01:25And in being, the fact that the three are single,
01:29not necessarily disengaged, I said single.
01:33What do men really want?
01:35What do boys really want?
01:37What does the male population,
01:39Trinidad and Tobago in general, really want?
01:41And that's what we're really here to discuss.
01:44So, you know,
01:45Sarius is in for us for the first,
01:48the first half of the show.
01:49And then, of course, Johanse will join us
01:52as our behavior change consultant
01:54to give us some more perspective
01:56on the ultimate conversation
01:58outside of what do men really want
02:00when we start to speak about respect.
02:03So, let me get jumped straight into it.
02:06Sarius, what do the younger generation really want?
02:10What do you want?
02:11What does a man want?
02:12I mean, it's tough to speak for a whole generation.
02:15But to me, I know personally,
02:18I don't have any immediate plans
02:20or long-term plans for relationships
02:22or anything like that.
02:24Strictly because I have to,
02:27to me personally,
02:28I've seen so many people older than me,
02:3110, 15 years older than me,
02:32go through so many things on so many levels,
02:34whether it be divorce
02:35or just toxic relationships in general.
02:39And it really put things into perspective
02:41for me growing up and seeing all of that
02:43because I've seen so many toxic relationships.
02:45So, to grow up and see all of that,
02:47it put things into perspective
02:48for me personally, for what I wanted.
02:50And what I want probably doesn't really align
02:52with what the typical 23-year-old
02:54really wants in 2023.
02:57It kind of boils down to me
02:59just focusing on building my wallet
03:02and building my mind and spirit,
03:05you know, growing as a person
03:06before I could even consider
03:08becoming one with somebody else.
03:10Right.
03:11But that's on relationships,
03:12and that sounded,
03:13that sounded really good
03:14for your first,
03:14your first dig at hand,
03:16being on manhood.
03:17Right?
03:17But let's be real now.
03:19Right?
03:19What is it really want?
03:21Is, is...
03:21Anybody have time for that?
03:22Several girls, you know,
03:24you don't want a parrot on a stick,
03:26you want to drive,
03:27you know,
03:27you want to drive that luxury car,
03:29you want to travel.
03:31And I should.
03:31I have plenty trust issues,
03:33honestly speaking.
03:34Right.
03:35And coming up in a more liberal generation,
03:41when it comes to relationships,
03:43when it comes to sexual activity,
03:46there's less of an importance,
03:48I've seen recently,
03:49at least on the love aspect of it.
03:51Right.
03:52That's true.
03:52You know,
03:52it's more,
03:53it's more just an action now
03:56than anything.
03:57Right?
03:58I,
03:58a lot of people say
03:59I am an old soul
04:00because I am,
04:01they think I'm old school
04:02because I look at sexual activity
04:05as making love,
04:07as two souls becoming one,
04:08you know.
04:09Hey, this guy, ladies.
04:09Hey, this guy.
04:11I just thought this was
04:12where I am, boy.
04:14Is he doing it for the camera?
04:15Come on.
04:16Hello, I tell him,
04:17name her number.
04:19It's,
04:19it's not one of those
04:20if you're not going to put
04:20your Instagram hand.
04:23It's not saying I'm an old soul.
04:24I'm an old school.
04:25I want to,
04:26I want to,
04:27you know,
04:27I want to cuddle,
04:28you know,
04:29really.
04:30There's two sides to that coin,
04:31right?
04:32So it has that side of it for me
04:33because,
04:34I mean,
04:34there's,
04:34to me,
04:35there's a lack of options
04:36when you're,
04:36when you're that type of person.
04:37Right.
04:38And then they have the other side of me
04:39that is just like,
04:40Jordan,
04:40I know,
04:41start working.
04:42And,
04:43you know,
04:43recently we had,
04:44we had a $200 trend
04:45in Trinidad and Tobago.
04:47But to me,
04:47I looked at people's reactions
04:49to that.
04:50Men and women
04:51across the island
04:53were talking about,
04:55man,
04:56$200 is,
04:57is plenty
04:58or $200 is not enough.
04:59And I'm just sitting there,
05:00I'm like,
05:00I can't even afford
05:01to take myself on a date.
05:03Right.
05:03I go on.
05:04So Instagram handle taken down.
05:06Yeah.
05:07Right away.
05:08No,
05:08I appreciate you being real.
05:13And what it comes down to,
05:14I mean,
05:14and let me see if we could contextualize
05:17some of it here,
05:17is that the Gen Z,
05:19the younger generations
05:20that we're talking about,
05:22it's not that sex
05:23isn't important
05:25or it's trivialized.
05:26It's just not
05:27as important
05:28as maybe
05:28previous generations.
05:30It's not on that pedestal anymore.
05:31It's not on that pedestal.
05:32So therefore,
05:33if it happens,
05:34if your number is higher,
05:35which we're going to be speaking about
05:36on another,
05:37another episode
05:38or conversation
05:39with manhood,
05:40if your number is,
05:41say,
05:4120,
05:4130,
05:41it matters not.
05:42That's not what you're looking at.
05:44What connection do we have now?
05:46What are we building?
05:48And where do we go from here?
05:50You know,
05:50so maybe more polyamorous relationships.
05:53I don't know.
05:53I mean,
05:53Niall,
05:53you know you want to speak to that,
05:54I'm sure.
05:56So is that what you're saying?
05:59I mean,
06:00it's not for me personally.
06:01Right.
06:02I know you and me,
06:02kid love.
06:03I mean,
06:04I've always looked at
06:05the whole polyamory thing
06:06because I've heard Niall talk,
06:08I've seen the episodes
06:09where Niall talked about polyamory
06:10and I'm just sitting here
06:11and I'm just like,
06:12that's real things to juggle,
06:14boy,
06:14just on a daily basis.
06:15I just be,
06:16I struggle to talk to one person
06:18and you're talking about
06:19so five,
06:19six people
06:20and making sure everybody gets
06:22equal shopping,
06:23equal,
06:23equal attention
06:25and love and activity.
06:27And I just sit in here,
06:27I'm like,
06:28man,
06:28I can't even,
06:29like I said,
06:29it's definitely,
06:32you have to be built for that
06:33in terms of polyamory.
06:35You have to be,
06:37you have to see
06:38life and love
06:39as a certain way
06:40to be okay with
06:41saying,
06:42yeah,
06:42man,
06:42I'll give you some love
06:43and I'll give you some love
06:44on Sunday
06:45and then she will get some
06:46on Tuesday.
06:47Or no love at all.
06:48Or no love at all.
06:49Or no love at all.
06:49It's understanding.
06:50Well,
06:50first of all,
06:51it was never polyamory,
06:52right?
06:53I still want one wife,
06:55you know,
06:55I just want to have
06:56co-parents,
06:58right?
06:58But that's a whole
06:59different topic.
07:00But I feel,
07:00I feel what's happening now,
07:02at least in the younger generation,
07:03which I will fit myself into it,
07:05right?
07:05Is that,
07:06You're going there,
07:07okay.
07:07There's a,
07:08there's a level of needed
07:09selfishness
07:11that is happening
07:12with men.
07:13Long time,
07:14when a man gets successful,
07:15his first thing is,
07:16I want to take care of a woman
07:17and a family,
07:18right?
07:19When a woman gets successful,
07:21her first thought would be,
07:23I don't need a man.
07:24So you see,
07:25there's a difference in
07:26the minute that they make it,
07:27right?
07:28But now,
07:29what I see,
07:31which is,
07:31again,
07:31needed selfish,
07:33self,
07:34selfishness,
07:36is that,
07:36when a man gets his coin,
07:38he'll be like,
07:38you know what?
07:39I need to take care of myself first.
07:41I need to enjoy my freedom
07:42in this plane of,
07:44of success.
07:45And then,
07:46if it is,
07:47I find somebody of my ilk
07:48that I feel that could share
07:50my success,
07:51then we could move forward
07:52because I bet you,
07:53if you had multiple $200
07:55in your pocket,
07:57you would have been,
07:57you would have been pumping.
07:58You would have been shopping.
07:59You would have been pumping.
08:00You would have been like,
08:01you would have been,
08:02hey,
08:02Susie,
08:03hey,
08:03Sarah,
08:04what's he seeing?
08:05You would have been flying up,
08:06been doing things.
08:07I don't,
08:07I don't,
08:07I mean,
08:08not to cut you off,
08:08but I don't,
08:09I don't think I would,
08:10I would,
08:11you know,
08:11honestly speaking,
08:12because,
08:12because of who I am,
08:13I just,
08:14I'm laser focused on,
08:16if I have that 200 by two by,
08:19by three,
08:19I turn that into a thousand,
08:21I'm looking at,
08:21okay,
08:22cool,
08:22let's make it 10,000.
08:24I'm not stopping to,
08:26to look at the roses
08:26and sit down and say,
08:28all right,
08:29cool,
08:29let me take a little bit
08:30to a movie tongue
08:31and,
08:32and spend a little $60 on a,
08:33on a date.
08:34You understand?
08:35Okay.
08:35So you,
08:36you believe,
08:37you believe that,
08:37I remember seeing a meme
08:38where they said,
08:39if you make the money,
08:41the women will follow.
08:42If you follow the women,
08:43the money will disappear.
08:45I do believe that.
08:46So,
08:46I do believe that.
08:47I'm not,
08:47I'm not putting women down to,
08:49that's what they aspire to be.
08:50But there is some credibility
08:51in what you're saying.
08:52I mean,
08:53the men of the past,
08:54when you work hard,
08:55you're thinking,
08:55wow,
08:55I can look for that mate now.
08:57I can,
08:58I can,
08:58I can,
08:59you know,
08:59provide for my children.
09:00I can do things.
09:01I can get a house,
09:02be a man,
09:03you know,
09:04do things that men,
09:05a man,
09:05be things that men,
09:07you know,
09:07generally aspire to be.
09:08You know,
09:10we,
09:10we spoke about sugar daddies
09:11at one point,
09:12but you know,
09:12that,
09:13that again is an,
09:13is another conversation.
09:14And if you want to know more about that,
09:16look at the other episodes.
09:19But now we're saying that,
09:22that,
09:22that,
09:22that might be the focus
09:23where the woman may still have,
09:25back in the day,
09:26and now,
09:27they may still look at that as,
09:29you know,
09:30I make my money.
09:31I don't,
09:32I don't need a man.
09:32You know,
09:34and,
09:37that,
09:37that in itself,
09:38I'm pausing because I'm like,
09:39oh my gosh.
09:40Now there's a lot of that.
09:41That just come out of my mouth.
09:42I mean,
09:42how many people are going to target
09:44the fact that I just said that?
09:45Yeah,
09:45but,
09:46but it's,
09:46but it's,
09:46but that's the reality.
09:47That's the reality now.
09:49So,
09:49if it is that a woman
09:50making her own money
09:51and she's independent,
09:52because that is the slogan,
09:54but the men can't say that at all.
09:55Like I always say,
09:57women make their money,
09:58the queen independent,
10:00but we can't say king independent.
10:02Right?
10:03So,
10:03all well and fine.
10:04But,
10:05let me just say that we go for someone
10:06and drop our standards.
10:07Is that,
10:08is that a new thing though?
10:09What you just said there?
10:10I,
10:10I wasn't aware of that.
10:11No,
10:11there is something that.
10:12Is it like toxic masculinity
10:13or mansplaining?
10:14Is it another thing
10:15that's come up recently?
10:16Toxic masculinity is that
10:16a man will obviously
10:18want to be a man
10:19in certain points.
10:19No,
10:19no,
10:20I'm talking about in terms of
10:20terms that were coined.
10:22Is the queen part of it
10:23one of those recent terms
10:24that are better going around?
10:25Well,
10:26most people,
10:27for myself,
10:27I can speak,
10:28obviously I want somebody
10:29to build with.
10:30And to get that,
10:31then you have to have understanding
10:32in 50,
10:3350 shares
10:33or whatsoever it is
10:34that you want to go forward with,
10:35which you're not going to get
10:37either or
10:38because it will have
10:39like a poor struggle
10:40somewhere in between there.
10:41And this is where
10:42the male testosterone
10:44bravado dominance
10:46will be like,
10:47you know,
10:47we make certain decisions.
10:48You can make your own thing deal.
10:49We could do this thing together.
10:51But at the same time
10:52and all too,
10:53is that we get in
10:54a pull from us
10:55slowly,
10:56but surely
10:56from under our feet.
10:58And if we just say,
10:59okay,
10:59you drop your standards
10:59and you want to build
11:00with somebody
11:00or whatsoever,
11:02then the probabilities
11:03of that is even lower
11:05because everybody
11:05don't want to build anymore
11:07because of the time
11:08and investment
11:09they want somebody
11:09self-made immediately.
11:11That is true.
11:11And if you want somebody
11:12self-made immediately,
11:14then how much
11:15could you trust
11:15this person
11:16for long term
11:16that they are riding
11:17for you
11:18or are they riding
11:19for your career?
11:20So you spoke there again,
11:22you happen to mention
11:23the word trust.
11:25You know,
11:25Zarius mentioned
11:26the word trust.
11:27Being trust issues.
11:28So I realize trust
11:29is really top of mind.
11:31And I want to hone in
11:33once again
11:33to the topic of today.
11:35You know,
11:36how we view things.
11:38All of these conversations
11:39might be a reasoning
11:40as to why more and more
11:41certain fabrics
11:43of our moral standard
11:46or compass
11:46from previous incarnations
11:50or previous generations
11:51might be slowly
11:52but surely
11:53being torn
11:55or ripped
11:56or moved away
11:57or...
11:58I would say evolve.
12:00That's something.
12:01So,
12:01but to an older generation
12:02it would be seen
12:03as torn
12:04or the fabric
12:06is no longer there
12:08but to the younger generation
12:09it's like you said
12:10it's evolving.
12:11So,
12:12I come back to it
12:13not just that you guys
12:14are younger than me
12:15or part of the young,
12:16certainly Zarius
12:17is part of the Gen Z.
12:18what do men want
12:21and being single men
12:23what are you waiting on?
12:25This is not necessarily
12:26to go into a relationship
12:28I'm talking about
12:29out of life.
12:31Well,
12:31for me,
12:32working for everything
12:35that I wanted
12:35was just wanting
12:36a better life,
12:37stability,
12:39bill free.
12:40So,
12:40that requires
12:41more of your
12:42skill,
12:43self-worth,
12:44determination
12:45to get it done,
12:46to retire your family.
12:47that is that period
12:48but for long term
12:49men,
12:50as for myself,
12:50I would say
12:51obviously we want
12:52to carry on
12:52our lineage.
12:54I want a little me
12:55running around you,
12:56please.
12:57Most men want that.
12:58They want that.
12:59We want to carry on that
13:00but at the same time
13:02and all too,
13:02like him,
13:03carrying some of our
13:04older generation
13:05morals
13:06is that
13:07we don't want
13:08a broken home.
13:09We don't want
13:09each other to grow up
13:10broken.
13:11I think that men
13:12right now
13:13would rather
13:13give their all
13:15to have a family life.
13:17to ensure that
13:18they have a proper
13:19family life.
13:19You think?
13:20I think so right now.
13:21There's so many
13:22children out there
13:23and I know the
13:23conversation came up
13:24at one point about
13:25the reason so many
13:26children don't have
13:27their father around
13:28is sometimes
13:29as a result of
13:30the mother
13:31locking off the
13:32father and not
13:33wanting the father
13:34in that child's life
13:36but there are
13:37many other instances
13:38where the father
13:39themselves don't want
13:40any part of us
13:41around the child.
13:41We don't call them
13:42men at the end
13:42if you can't be there
13:43for your child.
13:44If you can't put
13:46that and take care
13:47of that then we
13:48separate you
13:48immediately.
13:49You're falling
13:50under just
13:50reproducing and
13:51making numbers
13:52in this world
13:52and not growing
13:54men up.
13:55And I think
13:55that is something
13:56that we're getting
13:57happening right now.
13:58Broken home,
13:59separation,
14:00too many people
14:02losing the value
14:03of family.
14:04And this is where
14:06it comes down to
14:06women I would say
14:07sometimes but
14:08they control the
14:10sex wherever it
14:12goes.
14:13And men would
14:14love purity more
14:15knowing that
14:16hey,
14:17we know this,
14:18if a woman say
14:19you ain't getting
14:20nothing until
14:22six months,
14:23one year or
14:24whatsoever but
14:24this girl real
14:25nice real thing,
14:26you as a man
14:27tell yourself,
14:28I go hold out.
14:30You know what,
14:30she's a nice person,
14:32I go hold out.
14:32You're holding out
14:33with her or
14:34you're holding out
14:35with her.
14:37Because let's
14:38be real,
14:40you're holding out
14:41and saying,
14:41hey,
14:42I hear,
14:42I understand
14:43what you're
14:43coming,
14:43I'm not
14:44pressuring you.
14:44I know you're
14:44talking about
14:45otherwise.
14:45But while you're
14:47not pressuring,
14:48right,
14:48you're dipping
14:49in another
14:49but that is
14:51men.
14:51And that is
14:52something about
14:52with primitive
14:53inmates at the
14:54end that have
14:54no control
14:55of our hormones
14:57that we need
14:57to just go out
14:59there and be
14:59like,
15:00yeah boy,
15:00I feel good.
15:02Because we have
15:05to release that.
15:06Women on the
15:06other hand,
15:06I would always
15:07say more evolved
15:07because they have
15:08the power to
15:08control that.
15:09But let me just
15:10say,
15:10you know this
15:11female,
15:11but this girl
15:12real nice,
15:13she's real good
15:14and everything
15:14like that.
15:14She's running
15:15things first,
15:15she's saying,
15:16hey,
15:16nine months
15:17I really like
15:17you,
15:18you had a
15:18hold off.
15:19But let me just
15:19say,
15:20you know this
15:20girl who
15:21gave a
15:21thing,
15:22but you're
15:23watching that
15:23one and you
15:24know you can't
15:25choose she has
15:25a long term.
15:26Because why?
15:28You're getting it.
15:28So if I get it,
15:29who else get it?
15:30I just want to,
15:31I wanted to,
15:32I wanted to answer
15:33but you know,
15:35we're going to
15:36take a short
15:37break.
15:37We're not going
15:38to have much
15:38dialogue because
15:39I really want
15:40you out there
15:42to hear a lot
15:43of the conversation
15:43that happens
15:44behind the scenes.
15:45I want it now
15:46in front of the
15:47camera.
15:48And to finish
15:51off on that
15:51topic,
15:52but again,
15:52I still don't
15:53feel I have the
15:54nugget as to
15:55what single
15:56men really
15:58want.
15:59And again,
16:00to speak about
16:01this respect
16:02and feeling
16:02disrespected.
16:03and I want
16:05to hear more
16:05from Zarius
16:06as well.
16:06So we're
16:07taking a short
16:07break and
16:08coming back
16:10with some of
16:10this juicy
16:11conversation that
16:12seems to
16:13somehow go on
16:14to relationships
16:16when I just
16:17want to know
16:18what else you
16:19want.
16:19we're back
16:31with manhood.
16:32As always,
16:34in between the
16:34break,
16:35we had an
16:36intense conversation
16:37happening and
16:38we had to
16:39stop the
16:39conversation just
16:40so that we
16:41could include
16:41you guys back
16:42into the
16:43mix now.
16:43So,
16:44where were we?
16:45What we
16:46was actually
16:46discussing
16:47before,
16:48well,
16:48in between
16:48the break
16:49was they
16:50wanted to
16:51get down
16:51to what
16:52single men
16:53wanted,
16:53right?
16:54And I feel
16:54that the
16:55answer is
16:55really simple,
16:56personally,
16:57for me.
16:58One,
16:59we don't
16:59want to make
16:59the mistakes
17:00of our
17:00parents.
17:01I find that
17:02the main
17:02thing.
17:02We saw
17:04the errors
17:05that they
17:05made and
17:05we don't
17:06want to
17:06make them.
17:07And two,
17:08we just
17:08want to
17:08enjoy our
17:09life.
17:11Now,
17:12in our
17:12enjoyment is
17:13that you
17:13don't want
17:13responsibility.
17:15Is it
17:15commitment
17:16issues?
17:18I don't
17:18want to
17:18say
17:19commitment
17:19issues
17:20because I
17:21still want
17:21to be
17:21committed.
17:22It's just
17:22not in
17:23the time
17:23frame that
17:23most people
17:24would have
17:25deemed me
17:26to want
17:27my commitment.
17:28So,
17:28you're supposed
17:29to be ready
17:30for marriage
17:31by the time
17:31you enter
17:32in 30.
17:33That's how
17:33it used
17:34to be.
17:34But now,
17:36men want
17:36to play
17:37in their
17:3730s.
17:38So,
17:38it's really,
17:38to be honest,
17:39it's a stunted
17:40maturity.
17:41It's what I
17:41feel a lot
17:42of men
17:42want.
17:43They want to
17:44play a little
17:44bit longer
17:45than they
17:46need to
17:47or should
17:48based on
17:49society's
17:49needs.
17:52So,
17:52you still
17:53think that,
17:54and I just
17:54want to put it
17:55into context,
17:56play a bit
17:56longer,
17:57just like
17:57women are
17:58working longer
17:59and their
17:59careers are
18:00going longer
18:01and they're
18:01finding other
18:02ways through
18:02biology,
18:03through technology,
18:04et cetera,
18:05to, say,
18:06freeze the egg.
18:06they're being
18:07forward-thinking,
18:08but at the
18:09same time,
18:09they're telling
18:10themselves,
18:10I want to
18:11be able to,
18:12in my 40s
18:13or late 40s
18:14into probably
18:15sometimes even
18:1650,
18:16still have the
18:17option to
18:18really fulfill
18:19for myself.
18:20So,
18:20it's not
18:20selfish,
18:21it's probably
18:21acknowledging more
18:22self-worth as
18:23to what you
18:24want to then,
18:26because of,
18:26you know,
18:26that biological
18:27clock now that
18:28technology is
18:29allowing it to
18:29then say,
18:30okay,
18:30at this stage
18:31in my life,
18:31I'm going to
18:32settle,
18:33and I know
18:34women or
18:34people a lot
18:35of times have
18:36an issue with
18:37that,
18:37would settle
18:38and compromise,
18:40but what I'm
18:40trying to get
18:40from you,
18:41is it that
18:41you're saying
18:42that men
18:42as well
18:43want to
18:44play longer
18:45but still
18:45have that
18:46vision that
18:47you want a
18:49family,
18:50you want that
18:51picket fence,
18:52you want
18:52children,
18:54you want a
18:55dog,
18:55or is it
18:56that you
18:57not on any
18:58of that?
18:59Like,
18:59is that even
19:00a thought?
19:01Is that you
19:02feel that you
19:02really have
19:03that,
19:03everyone has
19:04that need
19:04to spread
19:04their seed?
19:06I actually
19:06think that
19:07most,
19:07but I'm
19:07sure that
19:07you want
19:08a family,
19:08right?
19:10No?
19:11Wow.
19:12Wow.
19:13That's what
19:13I'm saying.
19:14I want it,
19:16but to
19:17continue on
19:19what you were
19:19saying there,
19:19right?
19:21Again,
19:21I kind of
19:22grew up
19:22being educated
19:23a certain
19:24way,
19:24right?
19:25So I grew
19:25up with
19:26teachers telling
19:28me,
19:28look at the
19:29world,
19:29we're taking
19:30resources,
19:31we're polluting,
19:32we need
19:33less people,
19:33we're overpopulated,
19:34right?
19:34So I'm
19:35looking at
19:35the world
19:36and be like,
19:36I need to
19:37add more.
19:38I'm looking
19:38at the
19:38society that
19:39I would
19:40have to
19:40bring a
19:41child into
19:41and the
19:43responsibility
19:44because a lot
19:44of people,
19:45I feel,
19:45have kids,
19:46me personally,
19:47I feel like
19:47they have
19:47kids for
19:48selfish reasons.
19:49They want to
19:50have a kid
19:50because you
19:50want to
19:51have a kid.
19:51Right?
19:51right?
19:53The kid
19:54in any
19:55scenario
19:56would never
19:57be the
19:57guilty
19:58person.
19:58The kid
19:58didn't ask
19:59to be
20:00here.
20:00The kid
20:01didn't ask
20:01to be
20:01born.
20:02You had
20:02the kid,
20:02right?
20:04It happens,
20:05actions occur
20:05and you end
20:07up with your
20:07end result
20:08nine months
20:09later.
20:09So you had
20:11said something
20:12about trust
20:13and commitment
20:14issues,
20:15right?
20:15And not
20:15wanting to
20:16repeat the
20:17mistakes of
20:18our parents.
20:19and I
20:21definitely
20:21agree with
20:22that.
20:22So I
20:24strongly agree
20:24with that
20:25in a way
20:25because you
20:27grow up,
20:29the divorce
20:29rate in
20:30every country
20:31across the
20:31world,
20:32especially in
20:32the Caribbean,
20:33in the States,
20:34in Canada,
20:34everywhere,
20:35has grown,
20:36right?
20:37And Crazy
20:38Lex was
20:38talking about
20:39earlier where
20:39sometimes you
20:40put two
20:41years,
20:41three years
20:42into a
20:42relationship
20:43and you
20:43feel,
20:44okay,
20:44maybe you're
20:45ready to
20:45take that
20:46next step
20:46and make
20:47that commitment
20:47and say,
20:48okay,
20:49that person
20:49should be
20:50my partner
20:51for the
20:51next half
20:52of my
20:53life,
20:53for the
20:53next quarter,
20:54three quarters
20:55of my
20:55life.
20:55Till death
20:56do us part,
20:58right?
20:59And I
21:01find a
21:02problem
21:02sometimes
21:03looking at
21:03that way
21:04of thinking
21:05and saying,
21:06okay,
21:07I'm going
21:07to meet
21:07somebody and
21:08I'm going
21:08to be
21:08with them
21:08forever.
21:09Forever is
21:10a really
21:10long time.
21:12You know,
21:13during COVID,
21:14my grandmother
21:14passed away
21:15and it put
21:15mortality into
21:17perspective for
21:18me,
21:18right?
21:19Because you
21:20know,
21:20death is
21:20always looming
21:21over every
21:21person,
21:22but I
21:24feel like
21:25when you
21:25reach a
21:26certain age
21:26where maybe
21:27you lose
21:27somebody that's
21:27close to
21:28your life
21:28and it
21:29puts it
21:30into perspective
21:31where,
21:32right,
21:32it's going
21:32to happen
21:32to you
21:33eventually,
21:35at some
21:36point,
21:36but you
21:36know you're
21:37living on
21:37borrowed
21:37time,
21:38you have
21:38one life
21:39to live,
21:39you only
21:40live once,
21:40right?
21:41So I
21:42used to have
21:43that opinion
21:43of,
21:44yeah,
21:44man,
21:44one,
21:45I'm going
21:45to grow,
21:45so it'll be
21:46great with
21:46this person
21:47or whatever
21:48and then I
21:48turned around
21:48and I
21:49looked at it
21:49and I'm
21:49just being
21:50like,
21:50that's one
21:50life,
21:51who is
21:52that special
21:53in the
21:53world that
21:55you want
21:55to marry?
21:56I looked
21:57around at,
21:57I started
21:58looking around
21:59because I like
21:59to observe
21:59things plenty,
22:00so I started
22:01looking around
22:01at my
22:02surroundings,
22:03at people
22:03in my age
22:04range,
22:05I started
22:05looking at
22:05what my
22:06bedrooms were
22:06doing,
22:06I started
22:07looking at
22:07what cousins
22:09were doing,
22:09girl cousins,
22:10guy cousins,
22:10a lot of them
22:11and I started
22:12observing of
22:12how their
22:13relationships were,
22:14if they were
22:14even happy
22:15to begin with,
22:17if they were
22:17happy by
22:18themselves,
22:18if they were
22:19happier by
22:19themselves,
22:20if they were
22:20happier with
22:21this person.
22:21Or what did
22:22they understand
22:23when they went
22:23into that
22:24relationship?
22:24What did they
22:25understand that
22:26they were getting
22:27out of it?
22:27You know,
22:27I listened to
22:29this podcast
22:29once where,
22:30you know,
22:31the male and
22:32the female
22:33were having
22:33a conversation
22:34and the male
22:36went into it
22:36with thinking
22:37commitment
22:37and he knew,
22:38okay,
22:38this is longevity
22:39and it's part
22:40of what a
22:40relationship is,
22:42the woman went
22:43into it
22:43with expectation
22:44and the moment
22:46that expectation
22:47dropped and the
22:48vows would have
22:49been for better
22:49or worse
22:50and it started
22:51to get to that
22:51period of worse,
22:52it's like,
22:53I didn't account
22:54for this.
22:55I was expecting
22:56this part of it,
22:58you know,
22:58sickness and in health,
22:59I'm not up for that
23:00and it's how honest
23:02and true you are
23:02to yourself
23:03when you're giving
23:03that commitment
23:04as to whether
23:05you can really
23:06handle it
23:06and what you
23:08expect out of
23:09that person,
23:10you know,
23:10I had a conversation
23:10with a friend
23:11of mine
23:11just,
23:13you know,
23:14a couple days
23:15ago and one
23:16of the things
23:16was that
23:18in the relationship
23:19what she liked
23:21about the person
23:21was that he
23:22made her laugh
23:22and,
23:24well,
23:25you know,
23:25that's a lot,
23:26women like somebody
23:27can make you laugh
23:28but is that person,
23:30does that mean
23:31that the chemistry,
23:32the physical chemistry,
23:34was that chemistry
23:35there?
23:35The answer was no.
23:36So the moment
23:37that laughter
23:38dissipated,
23:39right,
23:40or the fella
23:41became a bit
23:42demanding in other
23:43things or felt a bit
23:44cocksure about himself,
23:46you know,
23:46it's like,
23:47who you feel you are?
23:48So the dynamic
23:49change.
23:49The dynamic change,
23:50like,
23:50you're not making me
23:51laugh as much,
23:51oh,
23:51now you feel you're
23:52something?
23:53Because to her,
23:54it's like,
23:54well,
23:54you're not that
23:56strapping man
23:57that I really
23:57have attraction to
23:58or may have had
23:59attraction to
24:00or is out there,
24:02you know,
24:02I want you for laughter.
24:03And then from,
24:04so again,
24:05it turns out
24:05you're not that
24:06funny.
24:06Yeah,
24:07and it might be
24:08that funny,
24:08you know,
24:09or it's not funny
24:10that you're broke.
24:12Yeah,
24:12you know,
24:12so it comes
24:16down to really
24:17and truly,
24:17you know,
24:18I've always said
24:19that maybe
24:19vows should change
24:20now to I will
24:21always give you
24:22my truth.
24:23Because like you
24:24said,
24:24the younger
24:25generation of that
24:26would forever
24:27and even in jobs,
24:29you know,
24:29the fact is a six
24:31month turnover,
24:31this job for life
24:33type thought process
24:35or way people
24:38ascribe to is no
24:39longer there.
24:41But again,
24:42I just,
24:42because I know
24:43we have to take
24:43another short break
24:44and I want to
24:45thank his areas
24:46for being here
24:46and being honest.
24:47And we want,
24:48of course,
24:48we're going to
24:49invite Johansi in
24:50to give,
24:50you know,
24:51his,
24:51his,
24:52the psychology
24:55behind a lot
24:56of the behaviors
24:57and the why,
24:58you know,
24:59commitment issues
24:59or resolve.
25:01Just to be,
25:02you know,
25:02to really,
25:03you know,
25:04your sort of
25:05final thoughts,
25:07well,
25:07final for this
25:08conversation
25:09and clarify
25:10maybe not just
25:11your perspective
25:12but what,
25:13what,
25:14what again
25:15and I keep,
25:15you know,
25:16I'm going at it
25:17because I still
25:17don't feel I have it.
25:19What does a young
25:21man want
25:22out of life
25:23at this point?
25:26And I'm glad
25:26that you said
25:26that it's not
25:27always to have
25:28children to procreate.
25:30It's not always
25:30to see yourself
25:31because that in a way
25:32could be selfish.
25:33You could be being
25:33selfless
25:34or you could be
25:35being,
25:36it might be admirable
25:38that you're telling
25:38yourself,
25:39I don't want to add
25:40to the commerce
25:41that's out there.
25:42You know,
25:42I don't want to add
25:43to the 7 point
25:43something billion
25:44when the planet
25:45was only designed
25:46for 2 point
25:46something billion.
25:47There,
25:48there,
25:48there are many,
25:49there are many,
25:50you know,
25:50conversations
25:51around those things.
25:52Again,
25:52it depends,
25:53you know,
25:53what angle
25:54you're going to go,
25:55whether you're young,
25:55whether you're young.
25:56So,
25:56sorry,
25:57let me just.
25:57So,
25:58definitely thinking
25:59about what I want
26:01from life
26:02is probably balance.
26:03As you said just now,
26:04yin and yang.
26:07To,
26:08to,
26:08to live just a balanced
26:10life on all levels,
26:12whether it be spiritually,
26:13financially,
26:15emotionally,
26:15to try and get
26:16better in touch
26:17with how I feel
26:19about certain things
26:20on a daily basis,
26:21on a yearly basis,
26:22going forward,
26:23what,
26:24what my plans are really,
26:25to tell you the truth.
26:26Honestly,
26:27I have no immediate plans
26:28for a relationship.
26:29Like I said earlier,
26:30definitely kids might
26:32probably be out of the question
26:34just because,
26:35again,
26:36raising another person
26:37is a very big responsibility.
26:41When you can't figure yourself out.
26:42When you don't know
26:42who you are,
26:44you know,
26:44I'm not saying
26:45I don't know who I am,
26:46but I mean,
26:47a lot of people
26:47who have kids don't.
26:49A lot of people
26:50have the ability
26:51to be a mother
26:52and a father,
26:53but not a mommy
26:54and a daddy.
26:55So,
26:56I heard a lot of that
26:57this past Father's Day
26:59when a lot of people
27:02were giving praise
27:03to everyone can be,
27:04well,
27:04every man can be a father.
27:06Not every man
27:07could be a daddy.
27:08Correct.
27:09So,
27:09it put things into perspective
27:10for me when
27:11I used to think about
27:14if I'm ready.
27:15Because you have activities,
27:16you go,
27:17you have,
27:17you go to a party,
27:18you go to a lime,
27:19you meet a girl.
27:20Sometimes things happen,
27:21right?
27:22If you don't protect
27:25yourself accordingly,
27:26a lot of the times
27:27a kid pops out
27:28nine months later.
27:30That's the conversation
27:31we had about just the tip.
27:32Yeah,
27:33yeah.
27:33So,
27:34whether you,
27:36sometimes whether you want to
27:38or not give,
27:39whether your religious beliefs
27:40are abortion
27:41or no abortion,
27:42whether anything
27:43on that spectrum
27:44comes into play,
27:45sometimes you just have to
27:47man up,
27:47take responsibility
27:48and sit down
27:50and raise a child.
27:51Might not always be
27:52an option,
27:52but it is what your life
27:54turns into sometimes
27:55when you make certain decisions
27:57and it comes down to
27:58what decisions
27:59you make
27:59now.
28:01So,
28:01just to put it
28:02into context,
28:03guys,
28:03I know we have to go
28:04to the break
28:04and I want,
28:05you know,
28:05to hear from
28:06Crazy and Niall
28:08with regards to
28:09is it then
28:10that we're seeing
28:10the younger generation
28:12now
28:13are living more
28:15in the moment?
28:16So,
28:16it's not like
28:17they don't have a plan,
28:18their focus is on
28:19let me,
28:20I'm not,
28:21the past is gone,
28:23past is prologue,
28:24right?
28:24The future is not short,
28:26the present is a gift,
28:27right?
28:28And so,
28:28are we living
28:29in the moment
28:30and just enjoying
28:32what that presents?
28:34I think it's less pressure
28:35from the parents
28:36because
28:37where every generation
28:38that passed
28:39used to take on
28:41the traditions
28:41of the home
28:42and as the generations,
28:45as you get younger,
28:47shifting,
28:48that pressure
28:49becomes less
28:50and less
28:50and less
28:51and less.
28:52So now,
28:53you know,
28:53when it comes to,
28:54you know,
28:55the,
28:55what was your generation?
28:57Name again?
28:58Gen Z.
28:59Crazy,
29:00right?
29:02His parents
29:03are pressuring him
29:04to have a family
29:06and you need
29:07to have a good job
29:08and get a wife
29:09at 23.
29:10My father was married
29:11at 23
29:12with his first child.
29:14All right?
29:14I can't even fathom that.
29:16You understand?
29:17So,
29:18and you're 23 now.
29:20Yeah,
29:20that put things
29:21into perspective
29:21when you're reading
29:22So,
29:22I actually think
29:23there's less pressure
29:24coming down
29:24through the generations.
29:25So,
29:26when you see
29:27the older generation
29:28looking at the fabric
29:30being torn,
29:30it's not that,
29:31I don't know.
29:31It's more like
29:32they would
29:33keeping up the stitches
29:34in the fabric
29:36to keep it together.
29:37Crazy.
29:37Just to add
29:39overall
29:40of this whole thing,
29:42I think
29:42where it is
29:43that we lost
29:44our way
29:45along the way
29:45is that
29:46men forget
29:47how to be men.
29:50Or,
29:50let me just say
29:51that
29:51we don't have
29:53a community
29:53for men
29:54or course
29:55to be a man.
29:57And that's something
29:58that we need
29:59to find back
30:00to help build
30:01society
30:02or understand men
30:03or help them
30:04mentally
30:04because
30:06certain things
30:07that we'll come
30:07across in life.
30:08So,
30:08you're saying,
30:09and I wanted
30:10to finish your point,
30:10I just want to make
30:11sure that we're
30:11on course here.
30:13When you say
30:13they've lost
30:14their way,
30:15is it that
30:16we're saying
30:16that the old way
30:17was the way?
30:18Well,
30:18the old way was...
30:19And that if we bring
30:19back the old way...
30:20The old way,
30:21for example,
30:22like we were saying,
30:2323-year-old,
30:24your dad
30:24had a hit
30:25around that,
30:26right?
30:26But your dad
30:27raised a good son,
30:28was able to have
30:29a household,
30:30was able to do
30:30all these things
30:31with the economy
30:32back in that time,
30:33which shows
30:34that somehow
30:35he had a formula
30:36to be a man,
30:38to provide,
30:38to make sure
30:39everything was good.
30:40My son get his education
30:41and so on and so forth
30:42and I think
30:42majority of us
30:44have that benefit
30:45from that generation
30:46and we lost
30:48that somewhere along the line
30:49because why?
30:49We get too party-ish.
30:52We get too much
30:52asprey
30:53and like you were
30:54saying earlier,
30:55men in the titties.
30:56Yeah.
30:57Why?
30:58Because wealth
30:59or stability
31:00is harder to find
31:01in your twenties
31:03or your teens
31:04but you're getting it
31:05from the last
31:06of your twenties
31:07to your titties
31:07so you say,
31:08hey,
31:09I want to enjoy
31:09this money now.
31:10I want to go here,
31:11I want to buy that.
31:14A good time
31:15to take a pause.
31:17A lot to take in there.
31:18Maybe a lot
31:19of some conversation
31:20behind the scenes
31:20because I'm not too sure
31:21I fully inscribed
31:22to what you're saying
31:23about old ways
31:25and new ways
31:25because things change
31:26as you go along
31:27and what the older generation
31:30may have had,
31:32they wouldn't have had access
31:33to social media,
31:34cell phones,
31:36the access to planes,
31:38to cheaper flights.
31:39All of these things
31:40make communication
31:41and so it's good and bad
31:42because now you're open
31:43to a lot,
31:44they're the negative sides
31:45but they're also
31:46the positive sides.
31:47For me,
31:48I remember having a pen pal
31:50on ICQ
31:51and things like that
31:52was my only connection
31:52when I was living in Germany.
31:53Writing letter.
31:54So,
31:55you know,
31:55things are different.
31:58Correct.
31:58And the art of doing
31:59those things
31:59have been lost
32:00but things have progressed
32:02at the same time.
32:03But did that have much more value
32:05writing a letter?
32:06I hear you.
32:07You remember writing a letter
32:08not so?
32:09I do,
32:10I do.
32:10I don't know if I could
32:11write that much again
32:12because I'm always typing.
32:14But we take a short break.
32:15Zarius,
32:16thank you so much
32:16for being honest,
32:19for being here
32:20and giving us
32:21your perspective.
32:24So once again,
32:35you know,
32:35a lot of really,
32:36really good conversation.
32:37Johanse,
32:38glad you're back with us.
32:39I know you took in
32:40a lot of the conversation
32:42that,
32:42you know,
32:42Zarius brought to the fore
32:44as a young person.
32:46You know,
32:46and I know we are
32:46young people ourselves.
32:48You know,
32:48people don't get caught up
32:49with the white in our beards,
32:51et cetera.
32:51But I want to take this segment
32:54and use this segment
32:55to really now focus
32:57and hone in.
32:58We heard a lot of variations
33:00and different ideas
33:01as to what men really want.
33:03But does it come down
33:05to what men really want
33:06is respect?
33:09And let us talk about,
33:10we hear a lot of times
33:11people say,
33:12boy,
33:12you're disrespecting men.
33:14Whether it be
33:14a man to a man,
33:16a man in a relationship,
33:18a man at work,
33:19it always comes down
33:20a lot of times
33:21or to that ego,
33:23which is,
33:24you either feel respected
33:25or disrespected.
33:27Does that have to do
33:28with scarring?
33:30You know,
33:30what's your take on
33:32what do men really want?
33:34All right.
33:34So we dive in deep
33:35into the word disrespect.
33:37Right?
33:37What do men really want?
33:39Again,
33:40we're not speaking
33:40for all men.
33:42Right?
33:42But we're going based
33:43on our relationship
33:45with ourselves
33:46because we are men first
33:47and then of course
33:48we interact with a lot of men.
33:49So I'll give it
33:50from a personal
33:50point of view first.
33:53Disrespect for me
33:53has evolved
33:54over the years.
33:55Right?
33:56In terms of
33:56from relationships
33:58around people,
33:58et cetera.
33:59And I'll give
33:59the example
34:00we spoke about
34:01the phone before.
34:02To me,
34:03if you're on the phone
34:04while we're talking
34:04is a disrespect.
34:07Right?
34:07Unless of course
34:07you say,
34:08well,
34:08I'm doing something,
34:09you know,
34:10but I'm listening to you.
34:11If you give a caveat,
34:12right,
34:13I would take it.
34:13But if in the middle
34:14we speak
34:14and you just look down
34:15at your phone,
34:16to me it indicates
34:17that whatever
34:18you're doing
34:19is more important
34:19than me.
34:20Now,
34:21here that part,
34:21the more important part.
34:23So now I'll segue
34:24to a conversation
34:26I had with
34:27an inmate
34:28who,
34:29he was doing a robbery
34:30and in the robbery.
34:31He killed,
34:31he killed,
34:33I think,
34:33two of the victims.
34:35And you know,
34:35we always say,
34:36well,
34:36just rob the person,
34:37why you killed him?
34:38And I had the opportunity
34:39to ask him,
34:40well,
34:40why he killed him?
34:42And what he said,
34:43now I'm not justifying
34:44what he said,
34:45but essentially
34:46what he said is
34:47that they disrespected him.
34:49Right?
34:50Because what he wanted,
34:52and this might even
34:53go a little deeper now,
34:54a lot of criminals
34:57I've spoken to,
34:58what comes down
34:59to when they commit crime
35:00is at that moment,
35:03all the attention
35:03is on them.
35:05Now,
35:05here we're telling you,
35:06and you know,
35:07they say a pause reason
35:08because this is that deep.
35:10They didn't get
35:11certain recognition
35:12when they were young.
35:13Recognition,
35:14respect,
35:15right?
35:16So,
35:17sometimes,
35:18even unconsciously
35:19when they're committing
35:20the crime
35:20and all attention
35:21is on them,
35:22they are the center
35:23of attention.
35:24The attention
35:25that they may have
35:26not gotten from
35:27whether it is parents,
35:28et cetera.
35:29Right.
35:29So,
35:29when he said
35:30he was disrespected,
35:31the people
35:32didn't react
35:33the way he thought
35:35they should react.
35:36So,
35:36it's not an indictment
35:37not to say
35:38they cost him
35:39or anything like that.
35:40He is the perpetrator
35:42and they're supposed
35:43to react accordingly
35:44because they have
35:45to respect him
35:46and respecting his mind
35:48looked a certain way
35:50but they didn't react
35:51that way.
35:51To cower,
35:52to cry,
35:53to do all of these
35:53different things
35:54that they may have
35:55asserted themselves.
35:56Yes.
35:57He said one person
35:57did not cry.
35:58He said one person
35:59did not look frightened.
36:01Right?
36:02Now,
36:02inside the person
36:03could have been frightened
36:03but they did not
36:06look frightened
36:06and I'm saying that
36:07because even to us
36:08we personally
36:10have our own
36:11perceptions of respect
36:12and I'll segue again
36:14my belief
36:15is common sense
36:16does not exist.
36:17What exists
36:18is your sense
36:19and my sense
36:19so it's not even
36:20it's common.
36:21We have different values,
36:23different norms,
36:23etc.
36:24So,
36:24we view the world
36:25through different lenses.
36:26So,
36:27now if we talk
36:27about respect
36:28and disrespect,
36:29we're viewing it
36:29through different lenses
36:30and it may not
36:32always be
36:32through the lenses
36:33of being from
36:34a healthy place
36:35because I don't know
36:36anybody who had
36:37a perfect childhood.
36:39Right?
36:39So,
36:40therefore,
36:41there are scars
36:41that we carry,
36:44there are things
36:44that we did not get
36:45that we would want
36:47in terms of our emotional
36:49and mental development.
36:51So,
36:51now,
36:52when somebody
36:53may be saying,
36:54you know what,
36:54I was looking on your phone
36:55because you're seeing a topic
36:56and I really want to research it
36:57for you to help you,
36:58their place may be coming
36:59from a sincere place
37:00but as soon as I see
37:02you on your phone,
37:03it automatically
37:04is disrespect.
37:05As soon as I see,
37:06and this is one I encounter
37:07a lot in couples therapy,
37:09your facial reaction.
37:12So,
37:12even my wife,
37:14because sometimes
37:15I have a stoic face
37:16in terms of my profession,
37:18I don't react.
37:20I would say,
37:21I thought it would help
37:22in those endeavors
37:23because sometimes
37:24my wife would say,
37:25you're not listening
37:26or I haven't even seen
37:27a reaction from you.
37:28So,
37:28now that could be
37:29in disrespect
37:29and then if I do something,
37:31she could say,
37:31well,
37:31what are you ting your face
37:33so for?
37:34Right?
37:34So,
37:35it is that perception
37:37of,
37:39well,
37:39you don't like
37:39what I say or what?
37:40Or,
37:41even the facial reaction
37:42could be rudeness
37:43because I've encountered
37:44this a lot with parents
37:45and children.
37:45The child,
37:46really sincere
37:47and not being rude
37:48to my parents,
37:49and not showing
37:50any disrespect
37:50to my parents,
37:51but that parent perception
37:54is either,
37:55well,
37:55you shouldn't have
37:56no reaction at all,
37:58but then of course
37:59you end up having
37:59no reaction.
38:00So,
38:00if you understand
38:00what I'm saying
38:01and if you're bringing
38:01it back to men.
38:03So,
38:03your neolinguistics
38:04are important
38:04and like even
38:05in your profession,
38:06you have to be mindful
38:07as to how the other person
38:09may interpret
38:10certain things.
38:11Yes.
38:11So,
38:11you may be,
38:12like you said,
38:12listening,
38:13but to me,
38:13for example,
38:14when you were on your phone,
38:15it made me feel,
38:17if we're talking about feelings,
38:19that I chose to feel,
38:22and that means
38:23I was out of control
38:25because I've given off
38:26my emotion
38:26to someone else
38:27to determine
38:28what I felt
38:30about myself.
38:31So,
38:31yes,
38:31in other words,
38:32I chose to give off
38:33that control,
38:35the student
38:36has become the master
38:37with regards to this.
38:39You know,
38:40but,
38:40but in seriousness,
38:43the,
38:44at that point,
38:45it was,
38:46when you say
38:47you're listening to me,
38:49it's like,
38:49it's an option
38:50because had it been
38:52someone maybe
38:52of maybe another stature
38:54or seeing something
38:55that was really important
38:56to you at that point,
38:57right,
38:58you would have given me
38:59that full attention.
38:59I'm just talking about
39:00into how many people
39:02interpret,
39:04you know,
39:04women say a lot of times
39:05that I'm nobody's option.
39:07You know,
39:07I'm the first choice
39:08and if,
39:09if you're not giving me
39:10that attention
39:11or you're not giving me,
39:12you know,
39:14all your love
39:14or in different aspects
39:17of it,
39:17I'm nobody's option.
39:19You hear,
39:19but again,
39:20that's another,
39:20that's for another conversation.
39:22I,
39:23I want to come down,
39:25come back to the fact
39:26that
39:26it comes down
39:29then to a certain level
39:31of scarring
39:32or your history
39:33or your societal influence
39:35is growing up
39:36as to how you perceive
39:37respect
39:38and disrespect
39:39and also more importantly,
39:42when we ask the question,
39:43what do men want?
39:45Respect
39:45is huge
39:47on the agenda
39:48that,
39:50because it strikes
39:51the ego
39:51and what,
39:53what Niall might feel
39:54disrespected by,
39:55I might,
39:56I have not,
39:56no issue with.
39:57Vice versa,
39:58what Niall may feel
39:59respected by,
40:00I might feel disrespected.
40:01So,
40:02I want you to really
40:03kind of dig deeper
40:04into that for us
40:05and hear from,
40:06from,
40:06from some of the other guys
40:08and you said something
40:09at the start
40:10and I just want to
40:10once again say it
40:11because we haven't said it
40:12in a while,
40:13is that
40:13we are not speaking
40:15on behalf of all men,
40:16we are a few men
40:17speaking to all men.
40:19So,
40:20this is,
40:21might be my opinion,
40:22but it's my thought
40:23on the topic.
40:24being,
40:29and I say this often
40:30on the show,
40:31on this conversation,
40:33being true to yourself,
40:36I think should be
40:36our highest priority
40:37as men.
40:39Right?
40:39Now I'm talking
40:39to myself too,
40:40because sometimes
40:41I have difficulty
40:42in just being honest.
40:45Even if
40:46I perceive
40:47the person
40:48mightn't take it
40:49in the way
40:49I want them
40:50to take it
40:50because
40:51even those scars,
40:53disrespect and scars,
40:54how would we even
40:55heal or even
40:57elaborate on those things
40:58if we're not honest?
40:59So,
41:00you said
41:00you're on your phone.
41:02If you didn't communicate
41:03to me,
41:03I would not have even
41:04been aware of that.
41:06And I say,
41:06I noticed that
41:07even with my wife
41:08because sometimes
41:09when she said,
41:10you know,
41:10this,
41:11when you do this,
41:11it indicates this to me.
41:13So,
41:13we had a conversation.
41:14Is this your intent?
41:16And then she understood.
41:17So,
41:17then now when
41:18even sometimes
41:19I go on my phone
41:20when she's speaking,
41:21we already had
41:22that conversation.
41:23So,
41:23she understands.
41:24So,
41:25now it's no longer
41:25disrespect,
41:26but let's just say
41:26if I didn't say anything,
41:27if I wasn't honest,
41:28because a lot of us
41:30may just keep things inside
41:31and we let it ruminate
41:33and let it fester
41:34and then say,
41:35she's a disrespectful person
41:37or he's a disrespectful person.
41:39I'm not actually
41:40having that conversation.
41:41Now,
41:42that is how common sense
41:43is formed
41:44because now two people speak
41:45so the sense
41:46becomes common
41:47between two of them
41:48but it's not innate.
41:50So,
41:50I put it in that way
41:51and then I want to add
41:52to what it's saying.
41:52That's powerful.
41:54I like that.
41:54That was a nice one.
41:55And I wanted,
41:56you impress yourself there
41:58even I'm sure,
41:58right?
41:59You're like,
41:59yeah.
41:59Let me talk myself
42:00on the back of that one.
42:01I realize that.
42:03And the reason why
42:04that is powerful
42:06because you touched
42:07on nerve with me
42:08with regards to
42:09something that I go through
42:11very often
42:12where
42:13many people
42:14feel
42:15disrespected
42:16by sometimes
42:17my disposition
42:18with them,
42:18right?
42:19And whereas
42:20I know
42:20it's passion
42:21to that person's
42:22aggression
42:23so you might find
42:24I don't like
42:25how he spoke to me
42:26and
42:27or I might be
42:28speaking to wifey
42:29and she,
42:30as you said,
42:30the sense is now common.
42:32She now understands
42:34that
42:34when I say something
42:35it's not out of aggression
42:36but to someone else
42:38hearing
42:38to them
42:39it's like
42:40oh,
42:40we talked to her
42:41so boy
42:41but it was just
42:42said.
42:44It wasn't,
42:44there was no malice,
42:46there was no aggression
42:47by it
42:47so now
42:48even more so
42:49when I'm speaking
42:50to people
42:50because of the depth
42:51of my voice
42:52I almost go through
42:53some levels of anxiety
42:55where I'm speaking to you
42:56and I'm like
42:56did they
42:57so when you hear
42:59people know
43:00when you hear this
43:01rambling
43:01sometimes the rambling
43:03is because I'm trying
43:04to bring context
43:05trying to make you
43:06aware that
43:07hey,
43:07I'm not saying this
43:09in an offensive way
43:10I'm not saying this
43:11to hurt you
43:12I'm not saying this
43:13to disrespect you
43:14I'm just
43:15saying something
43:16one thing I've learned
43:18being in the social realm
43:19and this will carry
43:21a long way
43:23for people
43:23and it's a skill
43:25that you have to derive
43:26and it's one
43:27that take everybody
43:29neutral
43:29because every person
43:31is going to be
43:32different
43:33and like you say
43:33everybody will be
43:34disrespected
43:34differently
43:35and the way that you
43:37take something
43:37from someone
43:38may be weird
43:39may be out of place
43:40but that test
43:41may be the character
43:42for example
43:43like yourself
43:43and it all
43:45comes down
43:45to you
43:46how you reacted
43:47and if you reacted
43:49at any manner
43:49of
43:50or if it is
43:52that you want
43:52to be like
43:53it is not
43:54my concern
43:54that is the person
43:55how he is
43:56if is that
43:57how he is
43:57if somebody
43:58has to speak
43:58to him
43:59don't speak
43:59to him
43:59but for your
44:00inner peace
44:01accept the people
44:04for how they are
44:04sometimes
44:05but as a chosen
44:06feeling crazy
44:06what I'm saying
44:07to you
44:07is you may
44:07interpret that
44:08that is how he is
44:09but that
44:11that is how you are
44:12but that mightn't be
44:13how I am
44:14a certain way
44:14you are trying
44:15to degrade anyone
44:15correct
44:16so you want
44:17everybody to understand
44:18you
44:18become in common
44:19right
44:19I like it
44:20not to give
44:21the sense
44:22let's not do this
44:24in our man
44:24should I robot
44:25is important
44:26you know what I mean
44:27I didn't do so
44:28okay
44:30I always say
44:30I see
44:31and I think
44:33I think
44:34that's important
44:35because if you take it
44:36from a neutral perspective
44:37then you're still
44:39subject to interpreting
44:40how that person is
44:42and I'm not
44:42I'm not going to choose
44:43to feel a particular way
44:44but it
44:46it comes back down
44:47to that mightn't even be
44:48the way I was actually
44:50feeling in the first place
44:51then after somebody
44:51then after you ask him
44:52for somebody
44:53to judge you
44:53you see
44:55if you stay neutral
44:56if that's how robot is
44:57robot is that
44:58that's how he react
44:59to get his things done
45:00let's go forward
45:01how do you react
45:02to get your things done
45:02and if we just
45:04respect everybody's
45:05way how they get along
45:06because we know
45:07obviously it has no malice
45:09like you said
45:09we're not trying to
45:10disregard or
45:11degrade anyone
45:12this is just the manner
45:13how they care about themselves
45:14but they always mean well
45:15you can
45:16and I think
45:17this is something
45:17that people
45:18are always in their emotions
45:19because anything
45:21that gets so
45:22ticked to them
45:23god behavior
45:24is stupid
45:24but they don't understand
45:25that if you look
45:26deep down inside
45:27there's love
45:29still in that person
45:30they don't look at you
45:31any differently
45:31they're just passionate
45:33about what they do
45:34they want it done
45:35plain and simple
45:36but it's just that
45:37how the person
45:38gets on
45:39they just want to
45:40react to the person's
45:41emotion
45:41so we have another
45:43soft touch
45:43like with Zarius
45:44where they want
45:45to make love
45:45you know
45:46so this is
45:47crazy soft
45:48I just say
45:49because
45:49if it is that
45:51you want to stay
45:51seen
45:52as men
45:54and
45:55this is what
45:55most fighters
45:56happen
45:56because
45:57before a fight
45:58even happen
45:59you can communicate
46:00it before
46:00because one thing
46:01I don't understand
46:02is
46:02did I say something
46:03to disrespect this person
46:04and if you be a man
46:05about it
46:06and be like
46:06hey brother
46:07if I disrespect you
46:07I'm sorry
46:08and I didn't mean it
46:08we're probably
46:09different in that manner
46:10but let me talk
46:11to you little rab
46:11and you can save
46:12our life for that
46:13but if you choose
46:14to feel that way
46:15or react on that
46:16basically what you're
46:17doing is you're
46:17out of control
46:18and you're not
46:19controlling emotions
46:20you know again
46:21as we always say
46:23you know
46:23in manhood
46:24the conversation
46:24well you know
46:26this particular
46:27conversation needs
46:28to end
46:28but it's a topic
46:29that needs to continue
46:30and we will discuss
46:31it more and more
46:32and more
46:32so gentlemen
46:33what do men
46:35really want
46:36your final thoughts
46:37and your hands
46:39I'd like you to close
46:40with that
46:40because you might
46:40come in with
46:41another
46:41common sense
46:43100 billion US
46:45cool
46:46let's start with you
46:49Neil
46:49what do men
46:51really want
46:51just to keep it
46:55on the topic
46:56of respect
46:57personally
46:58I feel that
46:59let me go with
47:00what men should
47:01thrive for
47:02and it would be
47:03I feel that
47:05a perceptive
47:06maturity
47:07that way
47:09they could
47:09understand
47:10what someone
47:12else
47:12the perception
47:13of someone
47:13else
47:13and I feel
47:14that that's
47:15where the key
47:16of communication
47:16comes in
47:17and after that
47:18life is getting
47:19real easy
47:19because essentially
47:21what men want
47:21is just peace
47:22a peaceful life
47:23no stress
47:24balance
47:25and I wish
47:27Zarius was here
47:28at the time
47:28to hear this part
47:30because he said
47:30that he didn't
47:32feel that anybody
47:32would be special
47:33enough to spend
47:34forever with
47:35but having a woman
47:37by your side
47:38especially a good
47:39woman
47:39you would be
47:41a different type
47:42of man
47:42you know
47:43you give a woman
47:46a seed
47:47of your plan
47:48and watch that
47:49grow into
47:49an oak tree
47:50and I feel
47:52that's real
47:52important
47:52to have
47:54and yeah
47:55I think
47:58what men
47:59really want
48:00is to become
48:01the best
48:01versions
48:01of themselves
48:02but they
48:03don't know
48:04how to
48:04they want
48:06that stability
48:07to be that
48:07man
48:08that their
48:09father will
48:09or who they
48:10will
48:10that mentorship
48:11or make sure
48:12that the family
48:12that they have
48:13for the future
48:13have everything
48:14or go through
48:14the struggles
48:15that they don't
48:16and try to be
48:17the best version
48:18for their kids
48:19and be everyone
48:20but they don't
48:21have the guidance
48:22and I think
48:23that comes down
48:24to the fear
48:24of failure
48:25to actually
48:27turn on them
48:28heavier
48:29than the possibility
48:30of becoming
48:31greater
48:31so I think
48:33it's more of
48:34men
48:34just want to
48:36really find
48:37the real purpose
48:39of being a man
48:40long term
48:42and not just
48:43now
48:44that's it
48:45you want to say
48:46why
48:46why
48:47why do
48:49why do we
48:50place so much
48:50importance on
48:51respect
48:53or even
48:54more so on
48:54being disrespected
48:55and act
48:57accordingly
48:57and I'm going
48:59to tie that
49:00answer into
49:00both of your
49:01answer
49:02because
49:03we place
49:04we place
49:04that important
49:05on disrespect
49:06because
49:06we want
49:09to be free
49:10we want
49:11to be
49:11accepted
49:12for who we
49:13are
49:14by the
49:14outside world
49:15but the thing
49:17is
49:17if we don't
49:18accept ourselves
49:19for who we
49:19are inside
49:20then we're
49:21forcing
49:21it on
49:22others
49:23so I would
49:23say
49:24not necessarily
49:25know what
49:26men want
49:27versus
49:27to get
49:29what we
49:29want
49:30we should
49:31develop
49:32the courage
49:32to be
49:33exactly
49:34who we
49:34are
49:35to be
49:36the courage
49:36to be your
49:37true self
49:37your true self
49:38may be flawed
49:39you may have
49:40the scars
49:40but if you're
49:41honest about it
49:42even if it's
49:43to yourself
49:43you're able
49:44now to
49:45open it
49:45you're able
49:46to face it
49:47and become
49:48better
49:48instead of
49:49us trying
49:50to make
49:51everybody
49:51around us
49:52respect us
49:53or make
49:53everybody
49:54around us
49:54accept us
49:55yeah
49:57a lot of
50:00nuggets in
50:01there
50:01a lot of
50:02nuggets in
50:02there
50:02you know
50:03making sense
50:05common
50:06that's a
50:09good one
50:10so
50:11that's a
50:13big one
50:14that's a
50:14big one
50:15for me
50:16so
50:16what do
50:17men want
50:17I hope
50:18we've
50:19touched on
50:20maybe
50:20given some
50:21sort of
50:22perspective
50:22what do
50:24I want
50:25is to be
50:25the best
50:26version of
50:26myself
50:27and to
50:27leave a
50:28room
50:28better
50:28it may
50:29sound
50:30cliche
50:30but to
50:31leave a
50:31room
50:31a place
50:32a legacy
50:33better than
50:34I found
50:34it
50:34a positive
50:35impact
50:36and for
50:37the almighty
50:38to say
50:39you did
50:39well
50:39that's
50:40ultimately
50:41what I
50:42want
50:42and what
50:43I would
50:44strive to
50:44be
50:45so
50:45Niall
50:46Crazy
50:47Johanse
50:47always a
50:49pleasure
50:49this was
50:50a really
50:50good
50:50topic
50:51manhood
50:53thank you
50:53manhood
51:03brought to
51:04you by
51:04Jameson
51:05natural
51:05sauce