Category
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FunTranscript
00:00Penny. Penny. Penny.
00:04Yellow.
00:06You need to remove that chair from the building. It's a health hazard.
00:09Okay, relax. I took off the slipcovers, had them dry clean, and then fumigated the cushions.
00:14Really?
00:15Yeah. It's cleaner than my couch. Found half a Hot Pocket in there.
00:21Penny. Penny. Penny.
00:25What's up, Buttercup?
00:28You have to get rid of the chair.
00:30Nope.
00:34Penny. Penny. Penny.
00:38What's the word, Hummingbird?
00:41For your safety, please wait in my apartment as I call the authorities so they may remove the chair of death.
00:50No.
00:53Penny. Penny. Penny.
00:57What's the gist, Physicist?
01:02Under my authority as a self-appointed member of the Centers for Disease Control's street team,
01:09these premises are condemned.
01:12As a man with a keen sense of style, I must tell you, that chair does not work with the room.
01:23Penny. Penny. Penny.
01:37Ames, hi. How was the wedding?
01:40Great. Until I accidentally made Leonard fall in love with me.
01:45Who do we love?
01:46Penny.
01:47Who do we love?
01:48Penny.
01:49Who do we love?
01:50Penny.
01:51Hello, Sheldon. Come on in.
01:53Yes, well, thanks for seeing me to my door.
01:55Oh, you're welcome.
01:57Amy.
01:58Amy. Amy.
02:02Let's wrap things up out there.
02:08Penny. Amy. Bardette.
02:13That's my boyfriend. It's open!
02:17I got a splinter.
02:20What do you want me to do about it?
02:22Relationship agreement, section four, boo-boos and alfshies. You have to take care of it.
02:27I should have gotten a lawyer.
02:31I get it.
02:32One for good luck.
02:34Must be the kind of math they do at Princeton.
02:41Hey.
02:42What are you doing here?
02:43I want to apologize for stapling your balls.
02:49It's open.
02:52Hey, you ready to go?
02:55Hang on. Let me just finish this chapter.
02:58Well, can you finish it later?
03:00No, I can't. Reading books is a big part of my life now.
03:03Because, you know, we'd have more fun things to talk about if I read more.
03:15Surprise.
03:16What are you doing here?
03:18I'm here to help you get through this.
03:20You can't do it on your own. You need someone to take care of you.
03:23Oh, I love you so much.
03:25And I love you.
03:27Howard, your bath is getting cold!
03:32Penny. Penny. Penny.
03:35Sorry, stallion. Your weird friend giraffe is here.
03:41Hello, Penny. I just stopped by to bring you this gift.
03:45Gummy bears? Thank you.
03:47Now that you're in my debt.
03:50Amy. Amy. Amy.
03:56Seven o'clock. Right on time.
03:58It's not an accident.
04:00I waited outside your door for 20 minutes.
04:06Who is it?
04:07It's the groom.
04:10Can't come in. Bad luck to see the bride.
04:13Okay. Fine.
04:15Bernie, I have to go pick up my mother. I'll be right back.
04:19Why can't she drive herself?
04:21She doesn't want to sit in her dress and wrinkle it,
04:24so I'm going to lay her down in the back of my neighbor's van.
04:29All right. Just hurry.
04:31Okay. I'll see you later, my lovely bride-to-be.
04:37I'll get it.
04:38Go sports.
04:42Hello, Lolo.
04:45What are you doing here? I thought you were out with Sheldon and Amy.
04:47I was, but it's their anniversary, and I didn't want to be a third wheel,
04:50so I figured I'd come over here and hang out with you and Penny at your date.
04:55It's not really a great time. Penny and I have some things we need to talk about.
04:58No, we don't. Come on in.
05:01Hello.
05:02Hey, Stuart. Come on in.
05:03What are you doing here?
05:04Raj invited me to go to the movies with you guys.
05:08Excuse me?
05:11I didn't authorize this.
05:15Leonard. Leonard. Leonard.
05:20What?
05:22Are you sleeping?
05:23I was. Now I'm having a nightmare.
05:28What do you want?
05:32Never mind. I still can't tell you.
05:35Penny.
05:41Penny.
05:46Penny.
05:51Oh, my God! Sheldon!
05:53You frightened me!
05:57Amy.
05:59Amy.
06:01Angry Amy.
06:05What?
06:06I've been thinking about what happened.
06:08I've been thinking about what happened,
06:10and I hope this gift will make things better.
06:17Star Trek DVDs?
06:19Why would I want this?
06:21First of all, you're welcome.
06:24And furthermore, not being familiar with Wil Wheaton's body of work,
06:27there was no way for you to know you were being rude to a national treasure.
06:32Get ready for 130 hours if I told you so.
06:39Fine, I'll just tell you what happens.
06:43Episode 1, Encounter at Farpoint.
06:46Fade in.
06:47The New Enterprise heads out on its maiden voyage
06:50to contact the bandy people of Denip 4.
06:53Enter Wesley Crusher, played by my buddy...
07:00She's hooked.
07:02She's hooked.
07:08Wil Wheaton!
07:10Wil Wheaton!
07:12Wait, how many was that?
07:17Hey, Sheldon, what's up?
07:19Wouldn't you like to know?
07:23Have you been drinking?
07:24Just tea.
07:27It's the best tea I've ever had.
07:30Oh, I'll get it.
07:36Oh, looks like someone's on Team Bernadette.
07:42Amy?
07:43Amy?
07:44Oh, right, funeral.
07:47Amy.
07:51Hello, Sheldon.
07:52I'm not allowed to wear my silver surfer necktie.
07:55You can wear a bathrobe?
07:58I think I'm too sick to go to the funeral.
08:00You're sick? You poor kid.
08:03Well, see ya.
08:06Amy.
08:07Amy.
08:09Amy.
08:12I made a commitment in writing to comfort you in times like this.
08:15And additionally, you are my girlfriend, and I care about your well-being.
08:22Thank you, Sheldon.
08:23You're welcome.
08:24Let's get this over with.
08:27Rub my chest again.
08:31No, I need to get you down for a nap.
08:33And if for some reason that VapoRub gets you all fired up...
08:39How's the poor thing?
08:40Oh, I'm hanging in there. Thanks for asking.
08:46Hey, guys. I don't mean to interrupt your little game,
08:48but I thought you'd like to see what you're missing out on.
08:50So, Bernadette?
08:58Bernadette's wearing leopard print pumps
09:01and a ragtastic red dress from Forever 21.
09:10And there's Amy, showing all kinds of ankle
09:14in an outfit I'm assuming is from Forever 63.
09:20And I myself...
09:23I'm wearing a little number that got me out of two speeding tickets
09:26and jury duty.
09:29I know they're making a rhetorical point.
09:31I just don't know what it is.
09:33See you, boys. We are going drinking.
09:39Oh, hello, Alex.
09:41Let me go get you last night's recordings.
09:43What recordings?
09:44Well, you remember when you told me I talk in my sleep?
09:47Well, it occurred to me that, like most things I say,
09:49it's probably pure gold.
09:51So I started recording it all,
09:53and now Alex gets to comb through eight hours
09:56of what I like to call Sheldon After Dark.
10:02I'm sorry, Alex.
10:05Hit on me, hit on me, hit on me.
10:12Good buddy, Leonard. Good buddy, Leonard.
10:14Good buddy, Leonard.
10:16Good buddy, Leonard.
10:20What do you want?
10:21Hey, good buddy.
10:23So, uh, I was just talking to Amy,
10:26and she made me realize that this little dust-up
10:29between you and me is much ado about nothing.
10:32Is that so?
10:33Yes, all is forgiven, so come back home.
10:36I'll make you some soy hot chocolate,
10:38and then I'll tell you about our exciting new
10:41devil-may-care bathroom policy.
10:47Rise, you okay?
10:48You in there?
10:49Go away.
10:51Come on, buddy, open up.
10:52We're worried about you.
10:54Oh, just because I stopped going to work
10:56and answering my phone, you think something bad happened?
11:00Maybe something good happened.
11:02Did something good happen?
11:04Of course not, nothing good ever happens.
11:12Whoa.
11:15Ow.
11:16Hi, what's up?
11:17Um...
11:20You want me to shut the door
11:21so you can do your knocking thing?
11:25No, I didn't start yet, it's fine.
11:27Okay.
11:28Penny? Penny? Penny?
11:32Oh, yeah, much better.
11:36What?
11:40Just a sec.
11:41Oh, who says just a sec?
11:43I hate myself.
11:47Mrs. Davis?
11:49Mrs. Davis?
11:50Mrs. Davis?
11:54I know you're in there,
11:55I saw your car in the parking lot.
11:59Amy?
12:00Amy?
12:02Amy?
12:04What?
12:08Never knocked on my own door before.
12:12That was a wild ride.
12:16Hey, you guys have been in there for a while,
12:18you doing okay?
12:19We're fine, thank you.
12:21Okay, we just want to say we feel really bad about...
12:23Go away, Sheldon is nippling on my...
12:26Fourteen, yes!
12:30Penny? Penny? Penny?
12:34What's the matter?
12:36Um...
12:38Well, I was worried that you might be missing Leonard.
12:43And that might be causing you to have bad dreams.
12:46Like the kind you'd get if you watched Clash of the Titans right before you went to bed.
12:52Sweetie, did you have a bad dream?
12:56To be honest, I did.
12:58Back to the Future 2 was in the Back to the Future 3 case.
13:02Leonard did it.
13:04Good night.
13:05You wouldn't know what to wait.
13:07Perhaps I should sleep here.
13:10So you don't miss Leonard as much.
13:13Because you're being kind of a baby about it.
13:20You know what, that would make me feel better, thank you.
13:23You're welcome.
13:29Good night.
13:33Oh, that's pizza.
13:35Here's some money.
13:37I'm gonna hit the head.
13:39That's what us salty sea dogs say when we have to go pee-pee.
13:44Hey!
13:45Twenty-two fifty.
13:46Okay, here's twenty-five. Keep the change.
13:48Seriously? I just walked up like four flights of stairs.
13:53Oh, okay. Well, here's thirty-something cents.
13:58And I promise I won't call your boss and tell him you reek of marijuana.
14:03Oh, Penny, I see you've ordered pizza.
14:06I have Chinese food.
14:08That's nice.
14:09Oh, that's a rather earthy cologne.
14:13Leonard, you ready for lunch?
14:15One sec!
14:18Hey, sonny.
14:23Amy Bernadette Penny?
14:24Amy Bernadette Penny?
14:26Amy Bernadette Penny?
14:29He's never gonna stop doing that, is he?
14:31I don't mind.
14:32I'm hoping to put his love of repetition to good use someday.
14:39Hi. Um, I've reconsidered.
14:41You can't work where I work.
14:43Enjoy the rest of your evening.
14:45Amy?
14:46Amy?
14:48Amy?
14:52Sheldon, what are you doing here so late?
14:57Arthur?
14:58Arthur?
14:59Arthur?
15:00Arthur?
15:03Door knocker.
15:05That's TV money.
15:10Sheldon, what are you doing here?
15:12I'm sorry. Did I wake you?
15:14Of course you woke me at 7.30.
15:20Sheldon, can I come in?
15:21Do you have cookies?
15:22No.
15:23Good. I don't deserve cookies. Come in.
15:26Door knocker.
15:28I thought you were a badass.
15:29I lie about the pep show.
15:30I always use the little cup.
15:33Amy?
15:34Amy?
15:36Amy?
15:38I'll get right to the point.
15:39I think we need to end this relationship.
15:42So, just sign this with your finger.
15:45And, uh, please don't cry on my iPad.
15:48I didn't get AppleCare.
15:51Mother?
15:52Mother?
15:53Mother?
15:55Shelly, I'm so glad you're here.
15:58I saw you having naked sex.
16:05Hey, can I come in?
16:07Apparently any man is welcome in this house.
16:09Why not you?
16:11Come on. Let's get you to bed.
16:12You've had a lot to drink.
16:14No more than penny.
16:15That's what I'm saying.
16:17Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
16:20Empty room.
16:22Empty room.
16:23Empty room.
16:24Empty room.
16:26When somebody says come in, I'm gonna freak out.
16:36Hello.
16:37I didn't expect you this evening.
16:40Well, I was just feeling so bad about lying to you the other night.
16:43I wanted to make it up to you.
16:46How do you propose to do that?
16:54No.
17:00Unless you have gravity on Blu-ray under that skirt,
17:02I don't know where you're going with this.
17:06Come in.
17:09Hey.
17:10You got a second?
17:11Yes.
17:12Actually, I'm glad you're here.
17:13I'm working on the Star Wars Day schedule.
17:16Now, I have a window built in after Phantom Menace for complaining.
17:21But...
17:24I'm worried an hour won't be enough time.
17:34What do you want?
17:36I, uh, kind of got the feeling you might not be okay with me staying at your mom's.
17:41You're right.
17:42I'm not.
17:43I think it's weird.
17:44Howie?
17:45It is.
17:46He's a grown man.
17:47He's just gonna live there rent-free?
17:49How is that gonna motivate him to get off his butt and get a job?
17:52I mean, do you even have a plan?
17:55Hey, you're not my father, okay?
17:57And besides, your mother and I were talking.
17:59Your mother and I?
18:00You're not my father!
18:02I didn't say I was your father!
18:03I didn't say I was your father!
18:04Okay, calm down.
18:05You're not his father.
18:06He's not your father.
18:07Nobody's anybody's father.
18:11Mrs. Davis?
18:13Guess who?
18:14Dr. Cooper.
18:16That's right.
18:18Hello.
18:22Housekeeping!
18:26We got a complaint about somebody pooping on a party in there!
18:33It was us the whole time!
18:37Why didn't you tell her it was working?
18:39Was it working?
18:41Yeah.
18:48Dr. Lorvis?
18:50Penny, we should just be friends.
18:54Happy?
18:58Penny?
18:59Penny?
19:01Penny?
19:02Penny?
19:03Penny?
19:05You knocked more than usual.
19:06Next time I might be in a rush, it's good to have a few in the bank.
19:13Wow, you look amazing.
19:15Thank you, so do you.
19:17Sheldon, you look so handsome.
19:22Sheldon, doesn't Amy look hot?
19:24That's gotta put some starch in the upper flermen.
19:30What's that?
19:31Oh, it's a scaly genital organ that grows between these shoulder blades.
19:34Try not to touch it when you're dancing.
19:38Sheldon, can I come in?
19:40I don't think that's a good idea.
19:42Why not?
19:43Why not?
19:44According to an online message board, I may be having a panic attack.
19:48Soccer mom 09 had similar symptoms.
19:55LeVar Burton?
19:57LeVar Burton?
19:59LeVar Burton?
20:02What are you doing here?
20:06Penny?
20:08Penny?
20:10Penny?
20:14What?
20:15You sounded in distress.
20:17I was worried something unpleasant was happening to you.
20:19Like a murder.
20:21Or a spontaneous coitus with Leonard.
20:26Ladies?
20:27Ladies?
20:29Ladies?
20:30Come in.
20:32Ladies?
20:34Sheldon, it's me.
20:36Hey, did you see that?
20:39I figured out how to open the door all by myself.
20:44Maybe I'll fling some feces around my cage to celebrate.
20:50What are you talking about?
20:51I know you've been giving me secret puzzle tests.
20:57Leonard?
20:58Leonard?
20:59Leonard?
21:03Also, Wolowitz invited us all to dinner.
21:05So, I'm ready whenever you are.
21:10Sheldon?
21:11Sheldon?
21:12Sheldon?
21:13Sheldon?
21:21I bet that started off as a joke.
21:23But by the third one you realized there was something strangely enjoyable about it.
21:30Yeah, I kind of want to do it again.
21:40Knock, knock, knock, Penny.
21:42Knock, knock, knock, Penny.
21:44Knock, knock, knock, Penny.
21:48What's this?
21:49Leonard told me what happened, so I took it upon myself to make you a hot beverage.
21:53Oh, that's so sweet of you.
21:55I know.
22:10What are you doing here?
22:11I'm here to return your belongings.
22:13That's what people who've broken up do.
22:16And you didn't do your compulsive knocking ritual so I would open the door.
22:20On the contrary.
22:21You no longer get to enjoy my charming eccentricities.
22:26We're not friends with benefits.
22:34Hello.
22:35Hey, Sheldon.
22:36This is Adam Nimoy.
22:37Nice to meet you.
22:38Oh, it's nice to meet you.
22:39I admire your father's work very much.
22:42It's not every day I get to meet someone whose life's journey began in my hero scrotum.
22:51Birthday girl!
22:52Birthday girl!
22:54Birthday girl!
22:59Come in.
23:00Oh!
23:08Hi, Sheldon.
23:09Hello.
23:10Sorry I'm late.
23:11I also got you a balloon, but it floated away and I chased it for a while.
23:17You guys got a minute or are you still coddling?
23:21What is it, Stewart?
23:23Can I come in?
23:24Hang on.
23:26Should I send him away?
23:27No, it's okay.
23:29Thanks, Bernie.
23:33Oh.
23:35Maybe someone's here to apologize.
23:39Hey, Leonard.
23:49I was told this is where to go if I'm mad at Howard.
23:55Amy.
23:56Amy.
23:57Amy.
23:58Come in.
23:59Hello, everyone.
24:00Oh, Beverly.
24:01Good to see you.
24:02I'd love to chat, but there's a line that could start moving any minute, so let's do this.
24:05Amy.
24:06A proper apology requires three steps.
24:08Step one, an admission of wrongdoing.
24:10Amy, I was wrong.
24:11Step two, a promise never to repeat said action.
24:14Amy, that action will never be repeated, and that's a promise.
24:17Step three, an earnest request for forgiveness.
24:19Amy, I hope you can forgive me, and I hope you do it right now because there's an Uber waiting downstairs,
24:23and I don't want to repeat this apology nonsense with my driver, Ganesh.
24:29Sheldon, I know what you did.
24:31Now change the password back.
24:34Well, powder me in sugar and call me a donut if it's a Leonard Hofstadter.
24:41Sheldon, get out here.
24:44Will you keep it down?
24:46What kind of vengeful bed and breakfast do you think I'm running?
24:51Hello?
24:56Is this about the baby?
24:58No, people just keep kicking me out everywhere I go.
25:01Good, then you're used to this.
25:04What is that?
25:10What is that?
25:11I don't know, but if he yells,
25:13It's alive!
25:14We run.
25:23Oh, hey.
25:24If you knocked, I couldn't hear you.
25:26I'm welding this locomotive engine.
25:30And if you didn't knock, how about some manners?
25:34Will Wheaton?
25:36Will Wheaton?
25:38This is Sheldon, by the way.
25:42Hi, Sheldon.
25:44Here, I found this pizza flyer in your fence.
25:48Okay, now you owe me a favor.
25:51Bert?
25:52Bert-Bert?
25:54Bert-Bert-Bert?
25:57What do you want, Sheldon?
26:00Penny?
26:01Penny?
26:02Penny?
26:03Sheldon, go away, I'm making a video.
26:05I'm sorry, I'll come back when you're alone.
26:09No.
26:11Sheldon?
26:12Sheldon?
26:13Sheldon?
26:18It's annoying when you do it.
26:20Sheldon?
26:22Sheldon?
26:25I'm sorry, am I being too loud?
26:28No, you're being perfect and you know it.
26:31Would you like me to be a less considerate tenant?
26:35No.
26:36Yes.
26:37What?
26:38Stop messing with me!
26:41Hey, Sheldon.
26:45Hello.
26:46So, your contract provides for a three-day trial period, and I don't think this is working out.
26:52So, to put it in legal terms, the party of the first part would like the party of the second part to get out.
26:59Okay, don't be weird.
27:01Don't be weird.
27:02Don't be weird.
27:04Hello?
27:06Amy?
27:07Amy?
27:08Amy?
27:10Come in.
27:12There's something I need to tell you.
27:14Wow, you look amazing!
27:17That's not what I need to tell you, but you do!
27:21Guys, I need to show you something, but you have to promise not to make fun of me.
27:27Of course!
27:35No!
27:37Mrs. Fowler?
27:38Mrs. Fowler?
27:39Mrs. Fowler?
27:43Sheldon?
27:44What's going on?
27:45Where's Larry?
27:46Oh, turnips out.
27:47I'm bonding with you.
27:52Oh, hey, Leonard.
27:53Is the podcast too loud?
27:55I didn't hear a podcast.
27:57I told you no one could hear it.
28:00Wil Wheaton?
28:01Wil Wheaton?
28:03Wil Wheaton?
28:11Wil Wheaton?
28:13Wil Wheaton?
28:15Wil Wheaton?
28:19Now's not a good time, Sheldon.
28:21For what?
28:22You.
28:24Wil Wheaton?
28:29No.
28:30No.
28:31No.
28:32Hell no.
28:33Dr. Cooper?
28:34Can I get a minute of your time?
28:37Hello?
28:39Hey, can I help you?
28:41Yeah, actually.
28:42I had an appointment to interview Dr. Cooper about the Nobel.
28:45Hang on a second.
28:47Sheldon?
28:54Sorry, he's not here.
28:57Damn.
28:59Ooh, that might be my salted cod!
29:04What?
29:06Sheldon has something he'd like to say.
29:08I'm sorry I didn't react appropriately.
29:10You and Penny are bringing new life into the world.
29:12Congratulations.
29:13I can't wait to meet it.
29:15It?
29:16That's a gender-neutral pronoun.
29:17If you're offended, take it up with the English language.