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FunTranscript
00:00Here you go.
00:02If you need any recommendations while visiting New York,
00:05please don't hesitate to contact me.
00:07Well, it is our honeymoon.
00:09So we are going to be quite busy.
00:11Got it.
00:12Harry Potter Play Parts 1 and 2.
00:15And tomorrow, a tour of the sites where Nikola Tesla lived, worked, and slowly went crazy.
00:21And, of course, Coitus.
00:26Huh.
00:28Enjoy New York.
00:29And, I guess, Coitus.
00:36Really, Sheldon?
00:37You want to do it again?
00:40Don't act surprised.
00:42It's clearly marked on the schedule.
00:44Now, shall we steam the wrinkles out of our wizard robes
00:48or make vigorous, socially-sanctioned love?
00:51Either way, I can check something off my to-do list.
00:54Socially-sanctioned?
00:55Oh, wow, yeah.
00:56There it is right there.
00:58You know what I love about Broadway theater?
01:00It's so interactive.
01:02Uh-huh.
01:04You're so close to the actors.
01:05It's like you're in the play.
01:07Uh-huh.
01:08And you yell, Harry, watch out.
01:10He looks right at you.
01:12And not just Harry.
01:13Everyone on stage.
01:15At the risk of sounding redundant.
01:17Uh-huh.
01:19All right.
01:20Well, it's a bit late,
01:21but I did block out the rest of the evening for conjugal relations.
01:24Should we shower?
01:26I mean before, not during.
01:27That's how you fall and break a hip.
01:30You know, I'm a little jet-laggy.
01:31Maybe we can revisit this in the morning.
01:33Oh, no can do.
01:34If we miss tonight, it's not scheduled until Thursday at 6.
01:37And that'll have to be no frills,
01:39because we've got a 6.30 reservation at Benihana.
01:42Sheldon, do we really have to do this on a schedule?
01:46Are you suggesting spontaneity?
01:48I guess, yeah.
01:50So now that we're married, sex can occur at any time?
01:53Like, we could be brushing our teeth,
01:55and suddenly your minty-fresh tongue is in my mouth?
01:57No thank you.
01:58Really?
01:59Would it be so bad to mix it up a little?
02:01Mix it up?
02:02Who are you, Betty Crocker?
02:04Where are you going?
02:06To take a shower.
02:07Now that sex can happen at any time,
02:09I'll always have to be ready.
02:11I should probably live under a waterfall.
02:13Well, you don't have to worry about sex happening tonight.
02:16Oh.
02:17Well, thanks.
02:18But I'm still going to rinse off.
02:19I touched a lot of stuff in the gift shop.
02:24And here we have the former hotel,
02:26where Tesla perfected the three-phase alternating current motor.
02:30That's wrong. I'm going to say something.
02:32Don't.
02:33Well, then how will everyone know I'm the smartest boy here?
02:36Just let it go.
02:38Is everything all right?
02:40You seem testy this morning.
02:42Not testy.
02:43I'll have to take your word for it.
02:45There's no test for testy.
02:48Is it possible that you're sexually frustrated?
02:51Okay, now I'm testy.
02:53If you had adhered to my coital schedule,
02:55your brain would be floating on a sea of oxytocin right now.
02:58Don't talk to me about my brain. I'm a neurobiologist.
03:01Then you should know the benefits of the special hug
03:04that grown-ups give each other.
03:08Sheldon, everybody's listening.
03:10Well, of course they're listening. We're interesting.
03:12I'm like that guy.
03:14I'm walking away from you.
03:16I'm walking away from you.
03:23Yeah, I'm only recently married.
03:25Do I stay here? Do I follow?
03:27Say something useful.
03:31Hello.
03:32Hello.
03:33I brought you two hot dogs.
03:35Aren't you going to eat one?
03:37From a street cart? Are you crazy?
03:40I'm amazed that I'm holding them.
03:43I'm not really hungry.
03:45You realize that I'm not a particularly physical person.
03:50I know.
03:51Now, when I was little,
03:52and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up,
03:54I'd always say a brain in a jar.
03:59Sure.
04:00Yeah, but I want to be a good husband to you,
04:02and intimacy is a part of that.
04:06Please put those down.
04:09I'm just worried that if I don't schedule our bedroom endeavors,
04:12then I may not think about them,
04:14and you'll grow cold and distant
04:16and seek solace in the arms of a heavily muscled longshoreman.
04:21Where would I find a longshoreman?
04:23Along the shore. It's in the name.
04:28Sheldon, I could never be with anybody but you.
04:33That's good to know.
04:34I wouldn't want to fight a man who's brave enough to touch a fish.
04:40How's this for a compromise?
04:43Make all the schedules you want.
04:45Just don't tell me about them.
04:48Excellent.
04:49I'll create an algorithm that'll generate a pseudo-random schedule.
04:52And do you know why it won't be a true random schedule?
04:56Because the generation of true random numbers
04:58remains an unsolved problem in computer science.
05:01Come with me.
05:02Where are we going?
05:03To the hotel room.
05:04And when we get there, I'm going to need you to say that again,
05:06except naked.