Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Maintaining five friendships promises to be a Herculean task, so I'm going to have to let one of you go.
00:10Me, me, let it be me.
00:15Leonard, you are my roommate, my source of transportation, and you help me fold my sheets when they come out of the dryer.
00:23You are safe.
00:26Can I whistle?
00:27Don't be silly.
00:29Howard, you do not have a PhD.
00:32Your cologne is an assault on the senses, and you're not available for video games during the Jewish High Holidays.
00:40Guilty as charged, I'm out.
00:42No, you two are safe.
00:46Come on, what do I have to do?
00:49Okay, you know what? I see where this is going. I'm not one of you guys, I'm not a scientist, so just tell me what to do.
00:54Penny, Penny, Penny, everything you're saying is true, but please allow me to continue.
00:58Raj, you're out.
01:05It's a good question.
01:08While you do provide a certain cultural diversity to an otherwise homogenous group, your responses to the questionnaire were truly disturbing.
01:15How could you for a moment think that my favorite amino acid is glutamine?
01:21He had lysine, but changed it.
01:23Shoulda, woulda, coulda, Raj.
01:30The problem appears to be unsolvable. Maybe we could run some computer simulations.
01:34There are too many variables, it would take forever.
01:37We've gotta be missing something. Let's start again.
01:41The movie is playing here at 7.20, here at 7.40, here at 8.10, and here at 8.45.
01:47Alright, these theaters have to be eliminated.
01:50Why? They're state-of-the-art. Digital projection, 20-channel surround sound.
01:53Yes, but they have no IC machines.
01:57Despite my aggressive letter-writing campaign, I might add.
02:01What about the multiplex here? The seats are terrific.
02:04They have Twizzlers instead of Red Vines. No amount of lumbar support can compensate for that.
02:10Well, it's gonna take at least an hour to eat, and I don't see a Sheldon-approved restaurant proximate to a Sheldon-approved theater.
02:16We could eat after the movie.
02:17Unacceptable. The delay would result in tomorrow morning's bowel movement occurring at work.
02:23Hang on, hang on. There's a 7-Eleven here.
02:26We smuggle Slurpees, which are essentially ICs, in under our coats after having a pleasant meal either here, here, or here.
02:35Wow. I don't see how we missed that.
02:38Excuse me, in what universe are Slurpees ICs?
02:43That's how we missed it.
02:46Sheldon, would you be prepared on a non-presidential basis to create an emergency ad hoc Slurpee IC equivalency?
02:52Oh, Leonard, you know I can't do that.
02:57Okay, I guess we only have one option.
02:59Yep, I don't see any way around it.
03:02Bye, Sheldon. See ya.
03:03Later, dude.
03:10They're right, it was the only option.
03:13So, Dr. Hofstetter, Leonard rarely talks about his incredibly successful brother and sister.
03:19Please don't go there, Howard.
03:21I understand that, unlike Leonard, they're at the top of their respective fields.
03:29Boy, you suck.
03:31Well, Leonard's younger brother, Michael, is a tenured law professor at Harvard, and his sister just successfully grew a human pancreas in an adolescent gibbon.
03:40So she's close to curing diabetes.
03:44Why else would you grow a pancreas in a teenaged gibbon?
03:48Wow, you must be very proud.
03:50Why? They're not my accomplishments.
03:54I have to urinate.
03:59Why are you doing this?
04:01You know the rules, you brought your mom to work. You must suffer.
04:04Ah!
04:08That was fast.
04:09Oh, the middle stall was occupied. I'll have to try again later.
04:13That's totally understandable. In bladder voiding, as in real estate, it's location, location, location.
04:21So where were we?
04:22Howard lives with his mother, and Raj can't speak to women unless he's drunk. Go.
04:26Oh, that's fascinating. Selective mutism is quite rare.
04:31On the other hand, an adult Jewish male living with his mother is so common it borders on sociological cliché.
04:39It's just temporary. I pay rent.
04:41He lives in the same room where his bassinet was.
04:44You know, both selective mutism and an inability to separate from one's mother can stem from a pathological fear of women.
04:50It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy.
05:04Say what?
05:07That's basically what I just said.
05:10You brought your husband to work? Do you know the rules?
05:12You brought your husband to work? Do you know the rules?
05:23It's out of order.
05:25Yes, I can read the sign. I'm just pondering the implications.
05:30I think it implies that the elevator doesn't work.
05:35Again, I can read the sign.
05:37But the sign and the tape are covered with a layer of dust, which indicates that the elevator has been non-functional for a significant amount of time,
05:44which suggests either a remarkable passivity among the, I assume, 24 to 36 residents of this building,
05:50based on the number of mailboxes and given typical urban population density, or a shared delusion of functionality.
06:00You must be Leonard's mother.
06:03Oh, I don't know if I must be, but yes.
06:05I'm Penny. I'm his neighbor.
06:07Oh, Dr. Beverly Hofstadter.
06:09Oh, nice to meet you.
06:11Oh, you're a handshaker. Interesting.
06:16Why don't you come with me? I'll walk you to the apartment.
06:18Oh, all right. Would you like to exchange pleasantries on the way?
06:22Yeah, sure, I guess.
06:23All right, you start.
06:26Okay, you know, I've always been curious. What was Leonard like when he was little?
06:29Oh, I think you mean young. He's always been little.
06:32Right. Okay, what was he like when he was young?
06:34You'll have to be more specific.
06:36Oh. Okay, like five or six.
06:45Five.
06:46Oh, well, at that age, he was well enmeshed in what Freud would call the phallic stage of psychosexual development.
06:52An outmoded theory, of course, but the boy did spend most of his waking hours with a tight grasp on his penis.
06:58Oh, yeah, Leonard mentioned you were a psychiatrist.
07:00Well, that is one of my degrees. My primary field is neuroscience.
07:04Oh, well, I'm an actress.
07:11Why?
07:14What do you mean, why?
07:15Well, there are studies that suggest that many who go into the performing arts suffer from an external locus of identity.
07:23Yeah, I don't know what that means.
07:27Well, it means you value yourself only as others value you, which is often the result of unmet childhood emotional needs.
07:35Oh, well, I had a wonderful childhood.
07:39Tell me about it.
07:42I know my dad wanted a boy.
07:44I just, I tried being good at sports, but I hated getting dirty.
07:50And then I'm assuming you entered adolescence.
07:53Uh-huh. He called me slugger until I got my first training bra, and then he just stopped playing catch with me.
08:00I wasn't slugger anymore.
08:06I'm sorry.
08:08I'm sorry.
08:10I'm sorry.
08:11Your...
08:14Your mother's here!
08:21If you want to have intercourse with that girl, find out what kind of cologne her father wore.
08:30Good to see you, Mother.
08:34Here you go, fresh from the cleaners. Good as new.
08:36Really? Great. Sheldon, look, good as new.
08:38From that key maker, I highly doubt it.
08:42Come on, Sheldon, just give it a try.
08:46All right.
08:51There, nice and comfy cozy. Zero, zero, zero.
08:55There's one more zero.
08:58You forgot the time parameter.
09:01Sit on the damn couch.
09:12Okay.
09:26Nope.
09:29What do you mean, nope? What's wrong with it?
09:31Nothing. It's what's wrong with him.
09:34It's exactly the same.
09:36Penny, Penny, I think I know what to do.
09:40Sheldon, I have some bad news.
09:42More?
09:44I'm afraid so.
09:46You know the cashew chicken I get you on Monday nights?
09:48Yes, from Szechuan Palace.
09:51Szechuan Palace closed two years ago.
09:56What?
09:58Where did my cashew chicken come from?
10:01Golden Dragon.
10:07No.
10:10Oh, this isn't right.
10:13Our food always comes in Szechuan Palace containers.
10:16Yeah, well, before they went out of business, I bought 4,000 containers.
10:22I keep them in the trunk of my car.
10:26But...
10:28Oh, this changes everything.
10:32I thought that might take his mind off the cushion.
10:35What's real? What isn't? How can I know?
10:40You did make that up, right?
10:42Oh, God, I wish I had.
10:46Blender?
10:47Yeah, buddy.
10:48I still don't like this cushion.
10:52That was close.
10:56God, I love the smell of paintballs in the morning.
11:00Yeah, still funny, Raj.
11:05There's no way we can get to the ridge.
11:06The chemistry department has us completely cut off.
11:08What about the creek bed?
11:09The pharmacology department controls that,
11:11and they're all hopped up on experimental steroids.
11:14That's it, then. We're doomed.
11:16I think the time has come to acknowledge that we are paying the price
11:18for some of us failing to attend my physics department paintball strategy meeting.
11:23My mom has spider veins.
11:25I had to take her to the laser clinic.
11:29And I told you I wanted to see a doctor's note.
11:34We need a plan.
11:35How about Operation Hammer of the Gods?
11:37I forget. Which one is Hammer of the Gods?
11:39We hide behind the dumpsters in the parking lot
11:41and ambush people when they come to pee.
11:44No, go.
11:45The dumpsters are deep in astronomy department territory.
11:47It shouldn't be a problem.
11:48Venus is up during the day.
11:49They're probably just all staring at the sky.
11:52All right, what we need now is a tactical retreat.
11:54Did you see the episode of Stargate
11:56where they found themselves on a planet with a culture
11:58based loosely on Earth's Athens and Sparta?
12:02Not important.
12:03Leonard, Raj and I are going to burst out the door and run away.
12:06Howard will cover us.
12:07Why don't I run away and you cover me?
12:09Because you chose your mother's veins over victory.
12:13On three. One, two, three. Go!
12:18I had to take her. It's almost bathing zoo weather.
12:28I surrendered. Don't shoot. They went that way.
12:30Don't shoot. They went that way.
12:33Howard, I'm on your team.
12:35Oh, Leslie, thank God.
12:38Where's the rest of your squad?
12:41They left me here to die.
12:43What about yours?
12:45Dead. All of them.
12:47Sorry.
12:48Don't be.
12:49It was friendly fire.
12:53They just wouldn't listen.
12:56Well, I'm surrounded.
12:58So, I guess there's nothing for us to do
13:01but wait to be captured or killed.
13:04Hmm. That's the worst part.
13:06The waiting.
13:08All the while knowing that there's a paint pellet out there
13:11with your name on it.
13:14Yeah.
13:15The big, wet ball of death.
13:22Kind of makes you feel more alive, doesn't it?
13:25Kind of does.
13:29I say we make every moment count.
13:31I agree.
13:34How exactly do we do that?
13:40Howard, why aren't you covering us?
13:42We're getting slaughtered out here.
13:44War is hell.
13:47Okay, I got a box, but there's no key in here.
13:50Just letters.
13:51That's the wrong box. Put it back.
13:53Oh, Sheldon, are these letters from your grandmother?
13:56Don't read those letters.
13:58Oh, look, she calls you Moon Pie. That is so cute.
14:01Put down the letters!
14:06Hey, Penny, it's Leonard.
14:08Hey, Leonard, how's the train ride?
14:10Delightful.
14:12Listen, I don't know what you're doing right now,
14:14but there are little bubbles forming in the corner of Sheldon's mouth.
14:17Okay, yeah, I kind of crossed a line. Put him back on.
14:22I'm back.
14:23What up, Moon Pie?
14:25No one calls me Moon Pie but Meemaw.
14:30Hey, Penny, Leonard again.
14:34Okay, I found the box. Now what?
14:36You're holding a Japanese puzzle box,
14:39which takes ten precise moves to open.
14:42First, locate the panel with the diamond pattern
14:45and slide the center portion one millimeter to the left.
14:49Then, on the opposite end of the box,
14:51slide the entire panel down two millimeters.
14:54You'll hear a slight click.
14:56Hang on, Sheldon, do you have any emotional attachment to this box?
15:00No, it's a novelty I ordered off the internet.
15:02Did you hear the click?
15:04Not yet.
15:09There it is.
15:13What on earth are you doing?
15:15Whatever it is, I'm guessing you're doing it wrong.
15:19Gentlemen, this is the Coast Starlight,
15:23one of the great American trains
15:25operating on one of the classic American routes.
15:28On this side, you'll see panoramic ocean vistas
15:31inaccessible to any other form of transportation,
15:33while on your side,
15:35you'll be treated to 350 miles of Costco's Jiffy Lube's
15:38and Cinderblock Homes with above-ground pools.
15:43Come on, Raj.
15:45What's wrong with Jiffy Lube's?
15:47No.
15:50Why not?
15:51That's over the wheelbase.
15:53Are you completely unfamiliar with the suspension characteristics
15:56of a pre-1980 Pullman-built Superliner Deluxe passenger coach?
16:00Sheldon, we've been on this train 90 seconds
16:02and you've already said a thousand words.
16:05Just tell us where to sit and shut up.
16:09Here.
16:11I'm hoping once you reap the endorphin rewards
16:14of a steady clickety-clack of steel wheels on polished rails,
16:17your sour disposition will abate.
16:19Yeah, maybe.
16:21Meanwhile, back in the 21st century,
16:23people are raising their tray tables
16:24and putting their seatbacks in an upright position
16:26because it's time to land in San Francisco.
16:29It's not so bad, really.
16:31At least these trains have modern plumbing.
16:33In India, you squat over a hole in the train
16:35and expose your naked buttocks to the chilly air of Rajasthan.
16:39He is referring, of course, to third class
16:41on Indian Railway's magnificent Rannikpur Express
16:44and its 1,200-kilometer journey from Maharashtra to the Beaconer Junction.
16:48Oh, look, now he's boring on an international scale.
16:52Knight to Queen's Bishop Five.
16:55Oh, very nice.
16:57What's Leonard going to do?
16:58Does he give up the pawn or does he give up the position?
17:00Let's find out.
17:02Leonard, ready?
17:04Ready.
17:06Cool.
17:08Okay.
17:31Damn it, I slipped.
17:33Too bad, you know the rules of Secret Agent Laser Obstacle Chess.
17:38Leonard died again, Sheldon. You're up.
17:40Despite my deep love of chess, lasers, and aerosol disinfectant,
17:44I must forfeit.
17:46Why?
17:47Because it's almost 11 o'clock.
17:49So?
17:50So Penny has a don't knock on my door before 11 o'clock
17:52or I punch you in the throat rule.
17:59You know what would be a great idea?
18:01We get some girls over here and play Laser Obstacle Strip Chess.
18:06Believe me, Howard, any girl who would be willing to play that,
18:08you don't want to see naked.
18:12You underestimate me.
18:32Yes!
18:35Sorry, guys, but Secret Agent Laser Obstacle Lunch is just stupid.
18:42Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah.
18:48Someone's in the kitchen, I know, ho, ho, ho.
18:53Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah.
18:57Sheldon. Sheldon!
18:59God's sold my soul to the company store.
19:06Honey, do you want some coffee?
19:08No, I don't drink coffee.
19:09Come on, but if you don't stay awake, we'll never finish in time.
19:12I'm sorry, coffee's out of the question.
19:14When I move to California, I promised my mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs.
19:18Leonard, help!
19:19Sheldon, we still have 380 of these things to make.
19:22I have complete faith that you will make them. Good night.
19:25Leonard!
19:26No, no, no.
19:27But Sheldon, without your insight and leadership, this entire enterprise will surely fail.
19:35You're right, of course.
19:38Here, this will help.
19:42Very well.
19:44But if this leads to opiates or hallucinogenics, you're going to have to answer to my mother.
19:51Look at Planck's constant.
19:53People say that's arbitrary. That could not be less arbitrary.
19:56If it varied even slightly, life as we know it would not exist.
19:59Bam!
20:04Now, now, let's reconsider the entire argument with entropy reversed and effect preceding cause.
20:10So, you are thinking of a universe. It's not expanding from the center.
20:14No, it is retreating from a possibility space.
20:18Bam!
20:19Bam!
20:21This is a space where we are all essentially Alice through the looking glass, standing in front of the Red Queen,
20:27and we're being offered a cracker to quench our thirst.
20:31Bam!
20:33And of course, in another universe, that's called a universe quantum. There's another, Sheldon.
20:37Should have let him go to bed.
20:39Bam!
20:41Zoom, zoom, zoom!
20:43Bam!
20:48Where's the coffee?
20:50We're out.
20:54No problem.
20:56I'll be back before this banana hits the ground.
20:59Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom!
21:02Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom!
21:06Come on. They're doing everything for you because you're leading them on.
21:10So, I let them do stuff for me. They're happy. I get stuff. Who cares?
21:15And how's it any different from what you do?
21:20Excuse me?
21:22I've seen you around them.
21:23Are you pretending like you don't do the exact same thing?
21:27Okay, lady. You are way out of line.
21:31Oh, I'm out of line?
21:33Yeah, you're out of line.
21:35Well, what are you going to do about it?
21:38Bitch.
21:41I like Green Lantern. I'm just saying it's pretty lame that he can be defeated by the color yellow.
21:48Only the modern Green Lantern is vulnerable to yellow.
21:51Golden Age Green Lantern was vulnerable to wood.
21:54Great, so I can take them both out with a number two pencil?
21:58Get out!
22:03Oh, my God, girl, bite!
22:07What are you doing?
22:08You're stupid enough to break it up.
22:25Who is it?
22:29Oh, hello, Penny. It's open. Come in.
22:35Sarcasm.
22:39Well, they're all still up there.
22:41You think I can't hear them? Listen to that. Stomp, stomp, stomp.
22:45It's Wallowitz and his stacked heels that fool no one.
22:50I don't even know why I care. I don't care.
22:53All right, I cared enough to memorize that stupid joke, but that's all I care.
22:58You know, Penny, there's something that occurs in beehives you might find interesting.
23:03Occasionally, a new queen will arrive while the old queen is still in power.
23:08When this happens, the old queen must either locate to a new hive
23:13or engage in a battle to the death until only one queen remains.
23:20What are you saying? That I'm threatened by Alicia?
23:23That I'm like the old queen of the hive and it's just time for me to go?
23:27I'm just talking about bees.
23:30They're on the Discovery Channel.
23:33What are you talking about?
23:37Bees.
23:41Gee, Penny, thanks for buying us dinner.
23:43Yeah, what's the occasion?
23:45Nope, no occasion. Just felt like getting some Chinese chow from my peeps.
23:51Do you remember to ask for the chicken with broccoli to be diced, not shredded?
23:53Yes.
23:54Even though the menu description specifies shredded?
23:55Yes.
23:56Brown rice, not white?
23:57Yes.
23:58Did you stop at the Korean grocery and get the good hot mustard?
23:59Yes.
24:00Did you pick up the leucidium soy sauce from the market?
24:01Yes.
24:02That's good.
24:06You see how it's done, Leonard?
24:10So, what do we got going on tonight, huh?
24:12Playing Halo, watching Battlestar, drop some Mentos and Diet Coke?
24:17You want to watch Battlestar?
24:19What can I say? I got my geek on, boys.
24:25Oh, no. PMS is different.
24:29Thank God you're home. I need help.
24:31What's wrong?
24:32I just got a call back to audition for CSI to play a hooker who gets killed.
24:36Oh, I'd watch that.
24:39But my car is in the shop and I have to be at Universal in 45 minutes.
24:43Okay, well, I'll take you.
24:44Oh, you're a lifesaver.
24:46I'll run lines with you in the car.
24:48Great. And afterward, I'll take you all out for Chinese.
24:51Oh, actually, that's okay. We already have one.
24:53Yum.
24:54Coming.
24:58Chinese food right here.
25:02They're gone, Penny. They can't hear you.
25:05Uh, hey, guys, guys, you will really appreciate this.
25:08I read the best science joke on the internet.
25:10Alicia, you won't get it, but it's right up their alley.
25:13Anyway, so, this physicist goes into an ice cream parlor every week
25:16and orders an ice cream sundae for himself
25:18and then offers one to the empty stool sitting next to him.
25:21This goes on for a while until the owner finally asks him what he's doing.
25:24The man says, well, I'm a physicist.
25:26And quantum mechanics teaches us
25:30that it is possible for the matter above this stool
25:33to spontaneously turn into a beautiful woman
25:36who might accept my offer and fall in love with me.
25:38The owner then says, well, lots of single beautiful women come in here every day.
25:41Why don't you buy an ice cream for one of them
25:43and they might fall in love with you.
25:45And the physicist says, yeah, but what are the odds of that happening?
25:49Ha!
25:55It's a little insulting, don't you think?
25:57How would I know? I'm not even sure I get it.
26:02Leonard, could you pick me up a few comics for my nephew's birthday?
26:05Sure, what is he like?
26:06I don't know, he's 13. Just pick out anything.
26:08Just pick out anything?
26:11Or maybe at the same time we can pick out a new suit for him without knowing his size.
26:15Or pick out his career for him without knowing his aptitude.
26:18Or pick out a new breakfast cereal without knowing his fiber requirements.
26:23Or his feelings about little marshmallows.
26:27Spider-Man, get him Spider-Man.
26:29Amazing Spider-Man, Ultimate Spider-Man, Spectacular Spider-Man,
26:32The Marvelous Adventures of Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2099.
26:36Leonard?
26:37You know this can go on all night, why don't you just come with us?
26:41Ugh, that's what I was trying to avoid.
26:45Oh, I forgot Sensational Spider-Man.
26:49Oh, what a cute little store.
26:57Everybody's staring at me.
27:01Don't worry, they're more scared of you than you are of them.
27:05Unlikely.
27:09Here, what about this one for my nephew?
27:11A superb choice.
27:13Oh, great.
27:14Yeah, provided he has already read Infinite Crisis and 52
27:17and is familiar with the reestablishment of the DC multiverse.
27:22What's a multiverse?
27:24Get her out of here.
27:27Come on, I'll help you pick something.
27:31That's right, she's with us.
27:35Guys like that are so pathetic.
27:39Tell me about it.
27:41Ooh, look, a new Batman belt buckle.
27:44So what are we going to do tonight?
27:46Well, if I may proffer a suggestion,
27:48in bars all across this great nation of ours,
27:51Thursday night is ladies' night.
27:54Which means, as the evening progresses,
27:56we will get better looking, courtesy of 99-cent margaritas
27:58and two-for-one jello shots.
28:03Come on, Howard, the odds of us picking up girls in a bar are practically zero.
28:07Oh, really? Are you familiar with the Drake equation?
28:10The one that estimates the odds of making contact with extraterrestrials
28:12by calculating the product of an increasingly restrictive series of fractional values,
28:15such as those stars and planets, and those planets likely to develop life.
28:18N equals R times Fp times Ne times Fl times Fi times Fc times L.
28:26Yeah, that one.
28:29You can modify it to calculate our chances of having sex
28:32by changing the formula to use the number of single women in Los Angeles,
28:35the number of those who might find us attractive,
28:37and what I call the Wolowitz coefficient.
28:42The Wolowitz coefficient?
28:44Neediness times dress size squared.
28:48Grunting the numbers, I come up with a conservative 5,812 potential sex partners
28:52within a 40-mile radius.
28:54You're joking.
28:56I'm a horny engineer, Leonard.
28:59I never joke about math or sex.
29:04Well, what are we waiting for? Let's bounce, bitches!
29:08Oh, you're right.
29:10It's Anything Can Happen Thursday. Let's hit the clubs and meet hot women.
29:13Here we go. Lock up your daughters. We're gonna hit it and quit it.
29:23Or we could finish eating and go to the comic book store.
29:27Also a good plan.
29:30Alright, but next Anything Can Happen Thursday, we're definitely going to a bar.
29:33Oh, absolutely.
29:34You heard that, ladies night ladies? We're eventually coming for you.
29:41Fascinating.
29:44You know, I bet if we hired her, that would cheer him up.
29:47We're not going to get Wolowitz a hooker.
29:54I'm so lonely and horny, I may open this $20 jar of peanuts and end it all.
30:05Suppose it wouldn't hurt to get an estimate.
30:11Alright, where are these amazing shrimp?
30:14Behold!
30:18Seriously, you think this is the size of a baby's arm?
30:23A little baby.
30:26I'm going back to the room.
30:28Boy, would it maybe kill them to put out a nice brisket?
30:41Hi there, Howard Wolowitz.
30:45Esther Rosenblatt.
30:54Turn-ons, let me see.
30:56Reading a good book in front of the fire, long walks on the beach,
31:01and getting freaky on the Sabbath with a bacon cheeseburger.
31:06Really? Me too.
31:10Why, Gavalt, you're hot.
31:14Yeah.
31:16Excuse me for a moment.
31:22Hey, how's it going?
31:24Cut the crap, you set this up, didn't you?
31:26Yes.
31:28She's a hooker, isn't she?
31:30A prostitute, yes.
31:32You already gave her the money?
31:34Yes.
31:41No!
31:44Hang on, I think the emergency key is around here somewhere.
31:47We have a bowl.
31:49Our keys go in a bowl.
31:52You should get a bowl.
31:54So, how did the beautiful mind of Sheldon Cooper
31:58So, how did the beautiful mind of Sheldon Cooper
32:02forget his key in the first place?
32:05I left them in the bowl.
32:07Uh-oh, I just remembered where the emergency key is.
32:10Where?
32:11In your apartment.
32:13What's it doing in my apartment?
32:15I went in there a few weeks ago when you guys weren't home, and I forgot it there.
32:18You went in my... What are you saying?
32:21It's not a big deal, I was making coffee and I ran out of milk.
32:24You're the milk thief!
32:29Glendon said I was crazy, but I knew that carton felt lighter.
32:33Alright, Sheldon, let's just calm down.
32:35I will call the building manager, he'll come open your door.
32:37You just eat your dinner here while you're waiting.
32:39Eat? My dinner? In your apartment?
32:42Yeah, why not?
32:44Sure, why not?
32:46And after the sun's down, we can all pile in my pickup and go skinny dipping down at the creek.
32:52Because today's the day to stop making sense.
32:56So, how was your day?
33:00Are you trying to make small talk?
33:02Oh, sweetie, you really don't have to.
33:05No, it's the accepted convention.
33:10How was your day?
33:14Well, they shifted my schedule around at the restaurant, so my hours are going to be a little different.
33:18I'm sorry, that's not going to interest me at all, just eat.
33:22I don't think the manager's coming tonight, so here.
33:26Are you suggesting I sleep on the couch?
33:30Well, it wasn't the first suggestion that came to mind, but it's the one I'm going with.
33:35I can't sleep on your couch, I sleep in a bed.
33:38And given its dimensions, I have no intention of living out E.M. Snickering's beloved children's book, The Tall Man from Cornwall.
33:46What?
33:48There was a tall man from Cornwall whose length exceeded his bed.
33:52My body fits on it, but barely upon it, there's no room for my big Cornish head.
34:03Alright, I will give you my bed on one condition.
34:07That you promise to zip your hole for the next eight hours.
34:11May I say one last thing?
34:13Only if it doesn't rhyme.
34:16Alright.
34:22Good night.
34:28Oh, Stuart.
34:34You're not going to answer it?
34:37He wants to talk about Penny, I don't want to talk about Penny.
34:41You're making an assumption.
34:44Perhaps the comic book store is on fire.
34:47He needs your assistance.
34:49Why would he call me?
34:52We don't know.
34:54And if you don't answer the phone, we can't know.
34:58I'm not answering the phone, Sheldon.
35:05Answer the phone, Leonard!
35:06No!
35:10There, it went to voicemail.
35:14Oh.
35:18Aren't you going to check your messages?
35:22No.
35:23You have to check your messages, Leonard.
35:25The leaving of a message is one half of a social contract,
35:28which is completed by the checking of the message.
35:32If that contract breaks down, then all social contracts break down
35:35and we descend into anarchy.
35:39There must be hell inside your head.
35:44At times.
35:46I would like to propose that the three of you accompany me.
35:51To the North Pole?
35:54Yes.
35:55Is this just so we won't touch your stuff while you're away?
36:00I'll admit that was a concern.
36:02But the fact is, I'll need a support team,
36:05and the three of you are my first choice.
36:07Really?
36:08Well, there are others who might be more qualified,
36:10but the thought of interviewing them gave me a stomachache.
36:14Now, I know I'm proposing an enormous undertaking,
36:16so why don't you take a few moments to discuss it?
36:22We're not really going to go to the North Pole with him, are we?
36:24I'm still within earshot.
36:28You may want to wait for my door to close.
36:32We're not really going to go to the North Pole with him, are we?
36:40Dammit.
36:41What?
36:42We're out of ice.
36:45All right, men.
36:46We begin initial assembly and deployment of the testing equipment
36:49starting tomorrow at 0700 hours.
36:51But until then, you're all off duty.
36:55I suggest you keep the shenanigans to a minimum,
36:57as medical help is 18 hours away by dog sled.
37:01What are you working on?
37:02Crossbow.
37:07Hey, guys, can I just say something?
37:09Why don't we take a moment to think about where we are right now?
37:12I mean, this is literally the top of the world.
37:15Only a handful of people in all of human history
37:18will ever see what we are going to see.
37:21He's right.
37:22Yeah, well...
37:23It is remarkable.
37:27So who's up for a movie?
37:29Good idea.
37:30What do you think, Ice Station Zebra or John Carpenter's The Thing?
37:34I say a double feature.
37:35Dinner's ready.
37:37What are we having?
37:38Reconstituted Thai food.
37:41Did you bring the dehydrated low-sodium soy sauce?
37:43Yep. Check.
37:44Freeze-dried spicy mustard?
37:45Check.
37:46And flash-frozen brown rice, not white?
37:48Uh, oh.
37:51Sorry.
37:52Not to worry.
37:53I hid it.
37:57Bazinga.
38:03You're in my spot.
38:08You're in my spot.