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00:00Hey, you don't need Leonard and his app.
00:02You can make one with me.
00:04With you?
00:07Seriously, I have a great idea for one.
00:09Is it better than your idea to move to Los Angeles and become a famous actress?
00:15Okay, look, when you see someone wearing shoes you like, you just snap a picture of them,
00:19and the app goes on the internet to find out where you can buy them.
00:23That's your app idea?
00:24You don't like it?
00:25I didn't say that. But no, I don't.
00:31Okay, these are Uggs.
00:35These are Crocs.
00:38These are knock-off Manolo Blahniks.
00:40Bored.
00:42Well, look, you said it yourself.
00:43We have to create a database before you can write an alga thingy.
00:47Algorithm.
00:48You see, Penny, Alan Turing defines an algorithm.
00:51Bored.
00:53Okay, these are Steve Maddens.
00:55These are Nine West.
00:57These are Target.
00:58Oh, but don't they look like Chanel?
01:01These are Michael Kors.
01:04These are Roxy.
01:06These are Sashell.
01:09I'm making the donation to your department, regardless of what happens between us.
01:13Really?
01:14Of course. There's no quid pro quo here.
01:17You and your colleagues are doing remarkable research, and you deserve the money.
01:21Oh.
01:23Then what was last night about?
01:25I took a shot. Sue me.
01:29Oh.
01:31You're a very handsome man, Leonard.
01:38It was foolish of me to think someone your age might ever be interested in someone like me.
01:42Oh, don't say that. You're a very attractive woman.
01:45Oh, please.
01:46No, it's true.
01:47Well, aren't you sweet?
01:49Just for the record, you'd remember a night with me for the rest of your life.
01:55I'm sure I would.
01:57But why, why exactly?
02:01You're a very smart man. How do you think our lad is such a rich husband?
02:06I hadn't really given it much thought.
02:08Well, think about it.
02:13You mean...
02:14Yep. I'm that good.
02:21But what the hell?
02:25Here's what I wonder about zombies.
02:27Oh.
02:29What happens if they can't get any human flesh to eat?
02:32They can't starve to death. They're already dead.
02:35You take this one.
02:37I spent an hour last night on how do vampires shave when they can't see themselves in the mirror.
02:43Well-groomed vampires meet in pairs and shave each other. Case closed.
02:48Yeah, okay. So, zombies.
02:50I guess it depends on the zombies, Roger.
02:53Are we talking slow zombies, fast zombies?
02:55Like in 28 Days, if those zombies didn't eat, they starve.
02:58You're thinking of 28 Days later.
02:5928 Days is where Sandra Bullock goes to rehab and puts the audience into an undead state.
03:05Hey, don't bag on Sandra Bullock.
03:07You think it makes you look cultured, but you just come off as bitter.
03:11Nice shot.
03:14My father taught me archery as a child.
03:18It's odd how the activity brings back the smell of Kmart bourbon.
03:24Perfect.
03:25I know.
03:27What an elf I would have made.
03:32What do you think you're doing?
03:34Shooting at a target.
03:35With what?
03:36An arrow.
03:37Really? I didn't see you draw one from your quiver.
03:41I'm not going to do that, Sheldon.
03:43Leonard, the people at Nintendo can only go so far
03:46in helping us recreate an actual athletic experience.
03:50We have to do our part, too.
03:59That was uncalled for, but I'll play along.
04:03Al.
04:04I got something I want to ask Bernadette,
04:07and I can't think of a better time than right now.
04:10Bernadette, and I can't think of a better time than when I'm with all my friends.
04:14Oh, hold on, Howard. There's lots of better times.
04:19Leonard, please. The man is talking.
04:21Let him get it out and let the chips fall where they may.
04:29Bernadette, Marianne, Rostenkowski.
04:32Oh, God. What's happening?
04:35I know things haven't been perfect with us and we've had our problems,
04:39but I just have to tell you, from the moment that...
04:42Howard, let me just stop you right here.
04:44This is it.
04:48Yes.
04:50Yes, what?
04:52Yes, I will marry you.
04:54You will? You will?
04:55I will.
04:58I will.
04:59Oh, I love you so much.
05:01Oh, I love you, too.
05:02Congratulations.
05:04Oh, I'm so excited.
05:05I'm so excited.
05:09Tonight is pizza night.
05:10I'd like to refer that to my attorney.
05:15According to what I see here, Thursday nights are Franconi's pizza night.
05:18Yes, and when Franconi's went out of business, we switched to Graziano's.
05:23That's interesting. Can you just switch restaurants like that, Priya?
05:30Good question, Howard.
05:32Turns out you can't.
05:34According to the document you drew up, Sheldon,
05:36the selection of a new take-out restaurant requires public hearings and a 60-day comment period.
05:42Were those criteria met?
05:50No.
05:57This is Greek food? Leonard, you hate Greek food.
06:00Not as much as you.
06:05No.
06:19Shake it, baby, shake it.
06:21Moi caliente, Sheldon.
06:25Care to dance?
06:26Oh, sorry. I'm engaged.
06:30How about you?
06:32Oh, what the hell?
06:35Oh!
06:51Leonard, are you in the shower?
06:53I can't hear you. I'm in the shower.
06:56I asked if you were in the shower, but that's moot now.
07:00What?
07:01Moot. Rendered unimportant by recent events.
07:05I can't hear you. I'm in the shower.
07:08I have to skip the chit-chat. Emergency.
07:11What kind of emergency?
07:13Mathematical. 32-ounce banana smoothie, 16-ounce bladder.
07:19You might not want to do that.
07:20Why, sure you, I do.
07:23Sheldon, I'm not alone in here.
07:25What?
07:28Hello, Sheldon.
07:30What are you doing in there? She can't be in here.
07:33We were in here first. You can't be in here.
07:35According to the roommate agreement, paragraph 9, subsection B,
07:38the right to bathroom privacy is suspended in the event of force majeure.
07:42And believe me, I'm experiencing a very majeure force.
07:48Come on, you can't wait two minutes.
07:50Leonard, let the men be.
07:52Penny.
07:58Penny. Penny. Penny.
08:02What?
08:03Move. Move. Move.
08:06Good news. I finally have a handle on my idea for three-person chess.
08:12That is good news. Bye.
08:15Do you know how I solved the balance center combat area problem?
08:19In five words, transitional quadrilateral to triangular tessellation.
08:26That's brilliant.
08:28It's what I do.
08:30But wait, there's more. I also invented two new chess pieces.
08:35The serpent and the old woman.
08:41Okay, now I have to ask, what do they do?
08:43When the serpent slithers to an opposing player's piece,
08:46that piece is considered poisoned and will die after two more moves.
08:54All right.
08:55Unless it gets to the old woman in time, in which case she sucks out the poison,
09:01turning her into the grand empress.
09:07A piece combining the power of the knight, queen, and serpent.
09:13Elegant.
09:14That's because it's simple.
09:15Priya just made a snide comment about your acting career.
09:18What the hell did she say?
09:20She thinks it's cool you're following your dream no matter what.
09:25Fat bitch!
09:29How do you want to handle it?
09:31Okay, tell Bernadette to tell Priya that I'm on my way to Prague
09:35to shoot a movie with Angelina Jolie.
09:38Got it.
09:39Is it going to be in 3D?
09:42What? I don't know. It doesn't matter.
09:44I'm going to say 3D.
09:45That'll let her know the studio has faith in it.
09:50You're kidding. 3D?
09:54That's what I hear.
09:56The studio must have real faith in it.
10:01I don't know why she didn't tell me.
10:03Have you been spending time with your ex-girlfriend?
10:05No.
10:08Then why are you surprised she didn't tell you?
10:11Well, it's not as much a surprise as, you know, the other thing.
10:20What other thing?
10:22If you, uh...
10:26I don't...
10:27What's the word I'm looking for?
10:29I'm not going to help you. This is hilarious.
10:32Let's see if this drug works.
10:41Forgive me for staring, but you're very beautiful.
10:52That's a great accent. Where are you from?
10:54India.
10:55Oh, cool. I've always wanted to go there.
10:57It's a beautiful country. You'd love it.
10:59May I join you?
11:01Uh, okay.
11:02Sure, why not?
11:03My name is Dr. Rajesh Koothrapalli,
11:05and this is my friend, Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
11:07Hi.
11:08Oh, there's no need to interact with me. I'm just here to observe.
11:14What's he observing?
11:15We're scientists. We observe everything.
11:16Here, go buy yourself a scone.
11:19All right.
11:22I'd like to buy a scone.
11:24Oh, I'm sorry. We're out. We have muffins.
11:26They sound delicious, but this money is earmarked for scones.
11:31What are you doing?
11:32Oh, just getting comfortable.
11:35So, how long have you lived in Los Angeles?
11:38They were out of scones.
11:40Oh, Sheldon, I'm talking to someone. You're being rude.
11:42I bet you're an actress.
11:44If not, you should be. You have a very expressive face.
11:48Oh, my God.
11:50Wait, where are you going? We were doing so well.
11:53She never even got to see my penis.
11:59Ta-da!
12:05I must say, Penny, this is great fun.
12:07Glad you're enjoying yourself.
12:09Until I met you and Bernadette,
12:11my trips to the bathroom had been entirely focused on elimination.
12:15Now they have a delightful social aspect.
12:18Candy, you must have been in the bathroom with other women before.
12:24Of course I have.
12:25But they were strangers and seemed off-put
12:27when I engaged in friendly stall-to-stall chit-chats.
12:30Some women don't like to get chummy when their panties are down.
12:35You okay in there, bestie?
12:37I'm fine.
12:38The reason I ask is that many people experience bladder shyness,
12:41the inability to pass urine.
12:43Yeah, I said I'm fine. Stop talking to me.
12:45Is she always this crabby when she urinates?
12:48We're really not that close.
12:51Screw it. I'll go later.
12:53And I'll be right by your side.
12:55Do you like her? She's great, huh?
12:58She's a lovely girl. Cute as a button.
13:02That's good to hear, because I've got some news.
13:06I hope it's good news,
13:07because I've got nothing but disappointment in here.
13:19Bernadette and I are getting married.
13:22Bernadette?
13:28Ma?
13:30You too busy bearing down?
13:35Ma?
13:39Oh, my God. Ma?
13:41Stand back! I'm gonna break the door down!
13:43Bernadette?
13:51Son of a bitch! Ma, help!
13:54Finally.
14:10Oh, what fresh hell is this?
14:12Wait, you can't leave here. You've been exposed.
14:18No, I haven't.
14:21It's all good.
14:28Mountain elf.
14:34He takes the elf from off the shelf.
14:39Hell hounds.
14:40Hell hounds who let the satanic dogs out.
14:47Colossal serpent.
14:48I got a colossal serpent right here.
14:54Must you?
14:55Sorry, I'm just trying to cheer my buddy up.
14:59Rotting zombie.
15:01Sheldon's new Facebook photo.
15:03Zandor.
15:09Zandor, wizard of the north. Ha, I win.
15:13You skipped the part about being under a two-week quarantine
15:15because you were exposed to a deadly disease? Absolutely.
15:19That's my water.
15:21What?
15:22My water. You're drinking it.
15:23Dear Lord.
15:26Have you been drinking it?
15:28Yes, it's my water.
15:30Well, that's it then. I'm dead.
15:34Here we go.
15:35I'm sorry, do I really need to connect the dots for you?
15:38The backwash into this glass is every pathogen that calls your mouth home sweet home.
15:43Not to mention the visitors who arrive on the dancing tongue of your subtropical girlfriend.
15:49Hey, that's my sister and my country you're talking about.
15:52Then it may have defiled one, but I won't have you talking smack about the other.
15:57You guys ready to order?
15:58Yes, I'd like a seven-day course of penicillin,
16:01and some syrup of ipecac to induce vomiting, and a mint.
16:06I don't understand.
16:07He drank from Leonard's glass.
16:08He drank from Leonard's glass. Words he'll be carving into my tombstone.
16:14That's actually my napkin.
16:15Oh, this is a nightmare!
16:17Where are you going?
16:18To the bar to sterilize my mouth with alcohol.
16:22Gangway! Dead man walking!
16:24Do friendship.
16:26Would you booze hounds please stop that infernal clinking?
16:31And the answer was elephant.
17:02Oh, God.
17:09Oh, God!
17:14Okay, look, this never happened. Do you understand me?
17:22Really? Still can't talk to me?
17:26Do you go on many dates?
17:27Yeah, I wouldn't say many. A few.
17:32What?
17:34Your characterization of approximately 171 different men is a few.
17:40Where did you get 171 men?
17:43Simple extrapolation.
17:44In the three years that I've known you, you were single for two.
17:47During that time, I saw 17 different suitors.
17:50If we work backwards, correcting for observation bias,
17:53and postulate an initial dating age of 15...
17:55Wait, wait, wait. I did not say that.
17:58...an initial dating age of 15...
17:59Wait, wait, wait. I did not start dating at 15.
18:03I'm sorry. 16?
18:0414.
18:07My mistake.
18:08Now, assuming the left side of a bell curve peaking around the present,
18:12that would bring the total up to...
18:14193 men.
18:16Plus or minus 8 men.
18:20Remarkable.
18:21Did you have sexual intercourse with all of these men?
18:23No.
18:24Although that number would be fairly easy to calculate,
18:27based on the number of awkward encounters I've had
18:29with strange men leaving her apartment in the morning,
18:32plus the number of times she's returned home
18:34wearing the same clothes she wore the night before.
18:36Okay, Sheldon, I think you've made your point.
18:38So we multiply 193 minus 21 men before the loss of virginity,
18:43so 172 times .18 gives us 30.96 sexual partners.
18:51Let's round that up to 31.
18:54Okay, Sheldon, you are so wrong.
18:56That is not even close to the real number of men need a drink over here.
19:01What about your pedometer?
19:02Don't have one.
19:03Do you have telematics in your shoes connected to an iPod?
19:05Uh, no.
19:06What do you do?
19:07You just go out there and gamble about like a bunny?
19:11No, I just run till I'm hungry and then I stop for a bear claw.
19:19Why are you doing that?
19:20It's good to stretch your muscles before you run.
19:22All right.
19:23All right, let's start with a toe touch.
19:27Okay, you do it.
19:30I am doing it.
19:33Oh, wow.
19:34Good job.
19:35Okay, um, can you do this?
19:39We'll never know.
19:41Okay, let's just warm up on the run.
19:43Okay.
19:44Okay, let's go.
19:45I've been reading up on biomechanics.
19:47I think you'll be surprised at my...
19:49Oh!
19:50Oh!
19:51Oh!
19:52Oh!
19:53Oh!
19:54Oh!
19:55Oh!
19:57Oh, my God, are you okay?
19:59I think so.
20:00Let me help you up.
20:04Oh, Sheldon!
20:07If it makes you feel any better,
20:09Thursday is no longer cruciferous vegetable night.
20:12Together, in this car, with my enhanced capabilities,
20:16we're like Knight Rider.
20:19Except in Knight Rider, the car isn't a yammering sphincter.
20:23You mock the sphincter,
20:25but the sphincter is a class of muscle
20:28without which human beings couldn't survive.
20:34There are over 50 different sphincters in the human body.
20:38How many can you name?
20:41I was wrong.
20:42This is exactly like Knight Rider.
20:45Perhaps you'd be interested in a different game.
20:47No!
20:48This is a photograph of the 1911 Solvay Conference
20:51on the theory of radiation and quanta.
20:54Using Photoshop, I've introduced a few anachronisms.
20:58See if you can spot all 24.
21:00I'll give you the first one.
21:02Madam Curie should not be wearing a digital watch.
21:06And go.
21:10That's it. Bye-bye.
21:15Bazinga!
21:19I have an override switch.
21:21I almost died!
21:23And I'm safe and sound in bed.
21:25Who's crazy now?
21:27I'm still gonna go with you!
21:32I'm not sure she's the best fit for our little,
21:35how shall we call it, Rebel Alliance.
21:38Oh, I never identified with the Rebel Alliance.
21:41Despite their tendency to build Death Stars,
21:44I've always been more of an Empire man.
21:47Yeah, not my point.
21:49I know what your point is.
21:50You're intimidated by Amy's intellect.
21:52To that I say, buck up.
21:55Okay, let me just get right to it.
21:57Amy is judgmental, sanctimonious, and frankly,
22:00just obnoxious.
22:03So?
22:05So we already have you for all that.
22:09Are you suggesting I terminate my relationship with Amy?
22:12No, no, of course not.
22:14You have your relationship someplace else.
22:17It's called counterfactuals.
22:19We postulate an alternate world that differs from ours
22:21in one key aspect and then pose questions to each other.
22:24It's fun for ages 8 to 80. Join us.
22:28All right, I like a good brain teaser.
22:30Give it a whirl.
22:31You're in luck. This is an easy one.
22:33In a world where mankind is ruled
22:36by a giant, intelligent beaver,
22:39what food is no longer consumed?
22:42Uh, a BLT where the B stands for beaver?
22:48Leonard, be serious. We're playing a game here.
22:52I can figure this out. Let's see.
22:54Um, well, beavers eat tree bark.
22:57The only tree bark I know that humans consume is cinnamon,
23:00so I'll say cinnamon.
23:02Incorrect. Obviously the answer is cheese danish.
23:07What?
23:08In a world ruled by a giant beaver,
23:10mankind builds many dams to please the beaver overlord.
23:13The low-lying city of Copenhagen is flooded.
23:16Thousands die.
23:17Devastated, the Danes never invent their namesake pastry.
23:24How does one miss that?
23:27Come in.
23:33Surprise.
23:35Mom, what an unexpected pleasure.
23:38My, my, that's a powerful smell.
23:42I'd like you to meet Oppenheimer, Frisch, Penofsky,
23:46Feynman, Weiskopf.
23:48Yeah, I get it. You got a lot of cats
23:50and you gave them cute Jewish names.
23:53Cats make wonderful companions.
23:55They don't argue or question my intellectual authority.
24:00And this little guy here,
24:02I think you'll find to be quite zazzy.
24:06You should have called sooner.
24:08Howard, if you want my help, I've got to know what happened.
24:11But it's embarrassing.
24:12Yeah, that's what I'm counting on. Spill.
24:16Okay, well, you know World of Warcraft?
24:19The online game? Sure.
24:21Did you know that the characters in the game
24:24can have sex with each other?
24:28Oh, God, I think I see where this is going.
24:32Her name was Glissinda the Troll.
24:36Bernadette walked in on me
24:39while we were doing the cyber nasty
24:41under the Bridge of Souls.
24:44Oh, you're right. That is so embarrassing.
24:48Would you talk to her?
24:49Bernadette or the Troll?
24:52Bernadette. She was so mad at me
24:54she wouldn't even listen to my side of the story.
24:56Well, what was your side?
24:57Well, for all we know,
24:58Glissinda the Troll wasn't even a real woman.
25:00I mean, she could have been a 50-year-old
25:02truck driver in New Jersey.
25:06Really? And that didn't make her feel better?
25:08Spin class worked up quite a sweat.
25:15Joy, this is Leonard. Leonard, this is Joy.
25:17Hi. Hi.
25:18You don't look like a genius.
25:19Go ahead, say something smart.
25:21Ah, time's up!
25:24Just kidding.
25:25First thing you need to know about me,
25:27I'm hilarious.
25:30Yeah.
25:31Yeah.
25:33So Bernadette tells me she knows you
25:35from self-defense classes?
25:36Yeah, Israeli Krav Maga. Lots of fun.
25:39Basically, a hundred different ways
25:41to rip a guy's nuts off.
25:44Wow. Wouldn't think there'd be that many.
25:46Number 42!
25:47Whoa!
25:49Isn't she a pimp?
25:56This lobster's good on the way down
25:58and the way up.
26:01Should be. It's $30 a pound.
26:05Hey, this is a date, right?
26:09Yep, it is.
26:1073!
26:11Whoa!
26:14Excuse me, I have to go to the little girls' room
26:17and take a wicked whiz.
26:19I'll go with you.
26:21Fair warning, I have the asparagus.
26:23My pee is going to stink up the place.
26:27That's okay. You can just sleep here.
26:29Oh, good, a slumber party.
26:31We'll do makeovers, initiate phony phone calls,
26:33and have spirited pillow fights in our frilly nighties.
26:37Oh, gosh, Amy, I don't know if I would call this
26:39an actual slumber party.
26:41Oh, that's disappointing.
26:42I've always wanted to be invited to a slumber party.
26:44You never were?
26:45Not even when you were a kid?
26:47Well, there was the time I had my tonsils out
26:49and I shared a room with a little Vietnamese girl.
26:53She didn't make it through the night,
26:54but up till then, it was kind of fun.
26:57Okay, well, I guess we're having a slumber party.
27:00Oh!
27:04Pillow fight!
27:07Good thing I drew this up.
27:09What's that?
27:10I present to you the Relationship Agreement.
27:17A binding covenant that in its 31 pages
27:20enumerates, iterates, and codifies
27:22the rights and responsibilities of
27:24Sheldon Lee Cooper, here and after
27:26known as The Boyfriend,
27:28and Amy Farrah Fowler, here and after
27:30known as The Girlfriend.
27:34That's so romantic.
27:38Mutual indemnification always is.
27:43Why don't you start perusing
27:44while I set up my notary stamp?
27:46Section 5, Handholding.
27:48Handholding is only allowed
27:49under the following circumstances.
27:51A. Either party is in danger of
27:53falling off a cliff, precipice, or ledge.
27:56B. Either party is deserving of a hearty
27:58handshake after winning a Nobel Prize.
28:01C. Moral support during flu shots.
28:07Seems a bit restrictive.
28:08Yeah, yeah, feel free to retain a lawyer.
28:11A.C.E.
28:12A.C.E.
28:13A.C.E.
28:14Feel free to retain a lawyer.
28:16Hey, sweetheart. How's it going?
28:18Ah, not so good. We have to talk.
28:21Sounds serious. What's up?
28:23Okay. Uh...
28:25Here it is.
28:27I met this girl,
28:28and I kissed her,
28:29and I feel terrible about it,
28:30but it's done,
28:31it's never gonna happen again,
28:32and I am so, so sorry.
28:35No, no. Relax. It's okay.
28:37It is?
28:38Yeah. These things happen.
28:40They happen to everybody.
28:41Oh my god, you are amazing. I mean, I don't deserve you. Well, what do you mean everybody?
28:51Leonard, I didn't know if I should tell you, but I kind of cheated on you too.
28:58Kind of?
29:00A couple of weeks ago, I slept with my ex-boyfriend. So I guess we both messed up a little.
29:08No, no, I messed up a little. You messed up a lot.
29:13Well, it's not a competition.
29:15Oh, yeah, it is. And you won.
29:20Good morning, handsome.
29:23Good morning, mom.
29:28It's me.
29:32Yes, it is. And you're so pretty in the morning.
29:35Your mom and I made you breakfast.
29:37Oh, wow. So you guys are getting along?
29:40Yeah, I guess. We're very different people, Howard, so communication's a little tricky.
29:46Does he like the pancakes?
29:48He didn't try them yet!
29:54Is there any butter?
29:56It's butter flavored syrup.
29:58So, what's the word?
30:00He wants butter!
30:03He wants butter!
30:06It's butter flavored syrup!
30:08I just told him that!
30:16I don't need any butter.
30:18If you want butter, I'll get you butter.
30:25Well, I guess I'll cut these by myself.
30:29Be sure to check the mail.
30:31How many times are you going to tell me? What's with you?
30:33Nothing. It's not suspicious that I'm fixating. It's consistent with my personality.
30:39Right.
30:40Hey, guys.
30:41More Halloween candy? Didn't you just buy a bunch of it yesterday?
30:43Oh, yeah, that's gone.
30:48It's a rough month when Halloween and PMS hit at the same time.
30:53Leonard doesn't have time to chat. He has to get the mail.
30:55Would you relax? I'll get it in a minute.
30:57Hey, how was work?
31:00Excuse me.
31:10A couple of circulars. Nothing important.
31:12What's with him?
31:14Hang on.
31:26You might be from Texas, but I'm from New Jersey.
31:30Test my ringtone?
31:38That really is a good song.
31:40Oh, yeah. There's a reason he's so Elton John.
31:42They don't make you a knight for writing,
31:44Wake me up before you go-go.
31:47Howard, are you coming down for breakfast?
31:50Ma, I told you I have a video conference with NASA.
31:52I said don't bother me.
31:54Oh, listen to Mr. Big Shot Astronaut.
31:56Yes, please listen to Mr. Big Shot Astronaut.
32:04Hey, good morning.
32:06Hey, Howard. Thanks for getting up so early.
32:08No problem, Dr. Massimino.
32:10The guys here call me Mass.
32:12Mass. That's a cool nickname,
32:14because force equals mass times acceleration.
32:16Yeah.
32:18It's just short for Massimino.
32:22Anyway,
32:25Anyway,
32:27the plan for this morning is to go over the...
32:29Sorry. My phone.
32:31What is that?
32:33Is that Rocket Man?
32:35Yeah, my ringtone.
32:37Kind of my favorite song, Rocket Man.
32:39Howard, your Froot Loops are getting soggy!
32:45Not now!
32:47Who's that?
32:49My mom. Sorry.
32:51No problem, Froot Loops.
32:53While he was telling you things,
32:55did he mention he owns not one,
32:57but two Star Trek uniforms?
32:59Really?
33:01Yeah. Wears them. Not just for Halloween.
33:05Hey, pal.
33:07You didn't see me telling Kevin
33:09that you thought Cold Wars
33:11were only fought in winter.
33:13Okay.
33:15Then I'll return the favor,
33:17and I won't tell...
33:19Laura.
33:22You are animated.
33:28When you were telling Kevin
33:30about your acting career,
33:32did you mention your long-running role
33:34as waitress in a local production
33:36of The Cheesecake Factory?
33:38Did you tell her about your
33:40lucky asthma inhaler?
33:42Oh, yeah? Spell asthma.
33:46A-S...
33:48Take me home.
33:50Maybe I'm not done hanging out with...
33:54You're right. It's getting late.
33:56A moment.
33:58We just had Thai food.
34:00In that culture, the last morsel
34:02is called the grain-jai piece,
34:04and it is reserved for
34:06the most important and valued
34:08member of the group.
34:14Thank you all for this
34:16high honor.
34:20I've seen pictures of your mother.
34:22Keep eating.
34:28All right. Honey, if we're gonna
34:30make the movie, we should go.
34:35This may be hard for you to hear,
34:37but when I say honey,
34:39I mean my fiancée.
34:42Yeah, well, now it means her.
34:47It's okay if he wants to come.
34:50Fine, but next time we get a sitter.
34:52The reaction I expected when I
34:54told you I was gonna be an astronaut.
34:56What did you think was gonna happen?
34:58Honestly? Sex?
35:02Howard.
35:04Do you realize what a big deal this is?
35:06What an honor it is to be chosen
35:08to go into space?
35:10Yeah, I get it. I just wish you
35:12included me in the decision.
35:14We're supposed to be partners.
35:16We're supposed to be a team.
35:18I'm sorry.
35:20You're right.
35:22Let's try this again.
35:24Bernadette, an opportunity
35:26has come up that
35:28impacts both of us
35:30and I'd like to discuss it.
35:34Okay.
35:36I've been offered a chance
35:38to go up to the International
35:40Space Station for three weeks.
35:42What are your thoughts on that?
35:45Well, first of all,
35:47thank you for including me
35:49in the decision-making process.
35:51Hey, we're a team.
35:53So what do you think?
35:55No.
35:57Glenner.
35:59Check it out.
36:01I bought an Engage locomotive
36:03half the size of HO.
36:05Look, it fits in my mouth.
36:09Sounds like you had a great night.
36:11I did.
36:13How was yours?
36:15Not bad. I had a lot more fun with Amy
36:17than I thought I would.
36:19What exactly do you mean by that?
36:21Turns out she really knows how to help a guy
36:23loosen up and have a good time.
36:25Although, truth be told,
36:27my groin's a little worse for wear.
36:29Ow!
36:33Why'd you do that?
36:35To send a message.
36:37She is not for you.
36:39What?
36:42To wine and bubble wrap.
36:46And to not having to watch Sheldon
36:48demonstrate his reverse osmosis machine
36:50that converts urine into drinking water.
36:54You know, in Girl Scouts,
36:56Tammy Denicia said you could do that
36:58with pantyhose.
37:00Boy, was she wrong.
37:04Anyway, you want to make out?
37:06I thought because our relationship's
37:08in a beta test, you wanted to
37:10take things slow.
37:12Okay. You want to make out slow?
37:16I can go so slow,
37:18it'll be like there's a snail in your mouth.
37:22Oh!
37:26Well, lucky for you, there's nothing else to do right now.
37:31He looks friendly.
37:33I think he might be someone's pet.
37:35No, Bernadette, don't be a hero.
37:37Aw, he's a sweetie.
37:40Yes, he's very sweet.
37:42Now, slowly and carefully,
37:44flush him down the toilet.
37:50Sheldon, the only way to get past
37:52this fear is to interact with it.
37:54Just like you did with the mailman.
37:58Every year, tens of people around the world
38:00are killed by birds.
38:02I'm not going to be another statistic.
38:06Look how sweet he is. Come over and say hi.
38:10Come on.
38:14You can do it.
38:16Don't be scared.
38:20Oh, just pet the bird,
38:22you big baby.
38:30I did it.
38:34I actually did it.
38:36Okay, now flush him.
38:40Oh, bother.
38:42Well, isn't that just always the way?
38:44You go to staple something
38:46and you're out of staples.
38:48Gosh, wish I'd known that earlier today
38:50when I was at staples.
38:52You ever think of paperclips right there?
38:54Well, no, no.
38:56I need something more permanent
38:58to join these papers.
39:00Say, don't you keep staples
39:02in your top-desk drawer?
39:04I don't know. Maybe.
39:06Be a lamb and check.
39:10All right.
39:14Who do we have here?
39:18It's a snake.
39:20A terrifying snake.
39:22Did some bad man
39:24put us in a drawer?
39:26Stop talking like that.
39:28You've been rendered speechless by fear.
39:32Let's go to the biology lab
39:34and find you some nice, yummy mice.
39:36I tried to scare an Indian
39:38with a snake.
39:40Yeah, come on, Cooper.
39:42You're better than this.
39:44How often would you pretend to like things
39:46just to have sex with me?
39:48All the time.
39:50You're kidding.
39:52Does this sound familiar?
39:54I'd love to go shoe-shopping
39:56with you.
39:58Hiking? It's great.
40:00It's 2 a.m. Of course I want to go
40:02to Koreatown and sing karaoke
40:04with my friends. Who wouldn't?
40:06Okay, we were going out.
40:08You were going to get sex anyway.
40:10Really? You would have slept with me
40:12after a three-hour documentary on dams?
40:16No, no woman would.
40:18See?
40:20Now that's the great thing.
40:22We're out as friends. This is not a date.
40:24Sex is off the table.
40:26So let's go learn why hydroelectric power
40:28might not be the environmental bargain
40:30you think it is.
40:32Spoiler alert.
40:36Alright, fine.
40:38Thanks.
40:40Tickets are 11 bucks.
40:44Not a date.