Married With Children Season 1 Episode 12 Where's The Boss
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00:00Love and marriage, love and marriage
00:14Go together like a horse and carriage
00:19This I tell you, brother
00:23You can't have one without the other
00:28Love and marriage, love and marriage
00:35It's an institute you can't disparage
00:40Ask the local gentry
00:44And they will say it's elementary
00:49Try, try, try to separate them
00:56It's an illusion
00:59Try, try, try and you will only come
01:07To this conclusion
01:11Love and marriage
01:13Mom, you're cooking
01:27Well, it's not every year Kelly gets promoted to the next grade
01:32You know, Kel, for a while there I was catching up with you
01:39Another couple of years and we'd have been in the same grade
01:42You could have gone out with my friend Moosey
01:47Oh, I couldn't
01:51Word around schools that you're dating him
01:54Come on now, kids
01:57We're Bundys
01:59How often do we get to be happy?
02:04Kelly, I'm so proud of you
02:06I remember your first day of school
02:08How we both cried
02:10And then you discovered boys
02:12And I discovered daytime television
02:15You know, one of these days
02:18You're gonna marry one of those boys
02:19And then you'll discover daytime television
02:22Is it okay if I have a life first, Mom?
02:28Sure
02:28Give it a try
02:30Bye, honey
02:34Hey
02:35I heard some bad news on the radio driving home
02:38If you don't use it, you lose it
02:40What do I care? You already got it
02:48Hey, you know Gary
02:52The guy who owns the shoe store
02:53Well, he was in a plane that crashed into the ocean
02:57Off the coast of Hawaii
02:58Gee, everybody gets to go to Hawaii but us
03:02Hey, for a change you don't understand
03:07A human life has just been snuffed out
03:10Who's gonna sign my paycheck?
03:13What's to sign?
03:14They just hand you a roll of nickels
03:16Well, it isn't anything compared to what you bring home
03:23You know, like the swine flu you brought back from your family reunion
03:27Look, I could end up unemployed here
03:31Now, how am I gonna pay my bills?
03:34Well, if Kelly ever graduates
03:36We're gonna have a heck of a lawsuit against the Board of Education
03:39We can't count on that, bud
03:45You know, they already call us the poor bundies
03:51I mean, what will they call us when we have no money?
03:54Those darn poachers
03:56Ed, what am I worried about?
04:02They're not gonna fire me
04:03I got experience
04:06I got
04:06But they're not gonna fire me
04:09You know what really bothers me about this death thing?
04:15Here's a guy lying dead on the bottom of the ocean
04:18And he never even took the time to meet me
04:22Well, I bet he's sorry now, Al
04:26Yeah, you bet
04:30You know, I worked for this guy for years
04:32And he never even knew that I was alive
04:34You know, I never thought of this before
04:37But I deserve some recognition
04:39Everybody deserves a pat on the back every now and then
04:43Yeah, what about me, Al?
04:46I'm sorry, honey
04:47I was talking about people who work
04:49Well, now there'll be new owners that'll ignore me
04:56Well, you know, after the family stops bereaving and all
05:00You know, Al
05:01Maybe we should send something special to the family
05:05Yeah?
05:06And how about some scuba gear in a body bag?
05:13Ah, no, you're right, Peg
05:15We ought to get something
05:16You know, get something big and expensive
05:18Yeah, I don't think they'd appreciate your father
05:21So, uh, I guess we'll have to do with flowers
05:25Al, you never even met Gary
05:28Well, Peg, that's the whole point
05:30When they see my present, they'll remember Al Bundy
05:34Well, if you wanted that, why don't you just send them your socks?
05:37Mom, how do we know this tuna isn't Dad's boss?
05:45Because we bought it last year
05:47I'm going to call the florist right now
05:52You know, Al, all this talk about death really makes you think
05:57I mean, one minute the breadwinner is still alive
06:00And then the next
06:02You have insurance, don't you, Al?
06:09Kelly, the guys in here are naked
06:12If I ever see anything like this in your room again
06:16You can just kiss it goodbye
06:17Hello
06:19Well, I sent the flowers out
06:26I sent so many flowers they'll forget all about, Gary
06:31You ever think about sending me flowers, Al?
06:35Why would I do that?
06:37You're still alive
06:37Well, they should have been delivered by now
06:43Stay off the phone
06:44The family will probably be calling any minute
06:46For 300 bucks, they better
06:49$300?
06:52Al, where did you get $300?
06:54Our vacation money
06:56Oh, Al
06:57I was planning on spending that on clothes
07:00All right
07:01Our future begins with Gary's death
07:04Now
07:05Come on, phone
07:08Ring
07:09Tell me you got the flowers
07:11What a guy
07:12We're going to give you a raise
07:13Come on, ring
07:14Hello
07:17Al, it's the door
07:22Well, get it
07:22I'm on the phone
07:23Hello
07:25Hi
07:30Hi
07:31Hey, Al
07:32Did you hear about Gary?
07:34Yeah, yeah, yeah
07:35He's dead
07:35Great tragedy and all that
07:37Stay off my phone
07:38Hello
07:41That's the oven timer, Al
07:44You cooked?
07:46Nah, it's just a reminder to order dinner
07:49Don't use my phone
07:53Gary's widow is going to call me
07:55Uh, no, she's not, Al
07:57Gary's not dead
07:59We just heard it on the news
08:01He's alive?
08:02Are you sure?
08:05Your boss is quite a guy, Al
08:07A self-made millionaire
08:10He was flying his own jet
08:13Had an equipment failure
08:15Bailed out and washed ashore
08:17At a topless hula school
08:19They made a litter for him
08:23Out of their grass skirts
08:24And nursed him back to health
08:25I think he's a god
08:28So do I
08:30Oh, gee, isn't that great news, Al?
08:35You just spent $300 on flowers for a millionaire
08:38So that your family could starve
08:40And your wife could go naked
08:42Believe me, Peg
08:45I'd kill before I let you go naked
08:47And no jury would convict me either
08:51All right, all right
08:54So this guy's still alive
08:56Fine, good
08:57Uh, so when he gets home
08:59He'll see the flowers
09:00He'll see how much I care
09:02And, uh, I'll still get my raise
09:03This will be the best $300 I ever spent
09:06I don't think he's going to see your flowers, Al
09:09They said the family sent all the flowers out
09:12To his favorite charities
09:13Oh, well, gee, I hope they send some to the poor and stupid home
09:18Because that's where we'll be in a few years
09:20I told you we're not going to live with your mother
09:24Well, Al, at least you have a boss who's still alive
09:33Stand back, it's Mardi Gras time
09:36So I got the same stinking job I always had
09:40But I'm out $300
09:41The only thing I ever wanted out of this death
09:45Was a little recognition
09:46Well, not only is Gary not dead
09:50He still doesn't know I'm alive
09:52Well, you know, honey
09:53Sometimes at night I'm not sure either
09:56But then you burp
10:00You know, Peg
10:04Why don't we just get you a pointed hat
10:06With a bell on top
10:07And you could squirt me with seltzer and everything
10:10Doesn't anybody understand what I'm talking about?
10:14I worked for a guy who wouldn't spit on me if he saw me
10:18Oh, come on, Al
10:19Don't be so hard on yourself
10:20I'm sure he'd spit on you if he saw you
10:23Yeah, I'm sure you're out there shooting hoops with Mr. Savings and Loan
10:28Look, I don't know the guy who owns the bank
10:31Who knows his boss today?
10:32Who cares?
10:33Well, I do
10:34I'm gonna meet my boss
10:36He owes me that
10:38I'm tracking him down
10:40I'm going to give Gary 30 days
10:44To meet me face-to-face in Chicago
10:46He's gonna shake my head
10:48He's gonna say
10:48Thank you, Al Bundy
10:50Nice job
10:51And what if he doesn't?
10:55Then I'm going to quit
11:01Mom, what are you humming about?
11:12This is the day Dad said he's gonna quit
11:14Oh, so young, so young
11:18Your father's not gonna quit
11:22From the time he gets home
11:24Till the time he goes to sleep
11:25He hasn't talked about anything else
11:27Yes, but have you noticed in the last week
11:30He hasn't mentioned it at all?
11:32That's just your father's way of saying
11:34Oops
11:34Don't worry, honey
11:38Your father's not gonna quit
11:39I don't know
11:41He's a proud man, Mom
11:43Of what, dear?
11:47I don't know
11:48But in case you're wrong
11:51I figured out a couple of ways
11:52For us to cut back
11:54Oddly enough
11:55They all involve Kelly
11:56I say we make a clean break
12:01Right now
12:02Before we come attached to her
12:03Bud, she's my daughter
12:08She's my sister
12:10And I'm willing to give her up
12:11All right
12:15Who put this ad in the paper?
12:19Cheap blonde
12:2316 looks 30
12:25Seeks job out of state
12:30No reading or writing, please
12:33Now listen
12:37The day that I have to get a job
12:39Is the day that I walk out of this house
12:41I feel the same way
12:43Dad's not really gonna quit, is he?
12:48I mean, it's like you always tell me
12:51If a man doesn't work
12:52He's no use at all
12:53Don't you think your father knows that?
12:59Just don't say anything to anyone about Gary
13:02And I'm sure this whole thing will blow over
13:04As long as no one knows
13:07Your father will never quit
13:08Five
13:10Four
13:11Three
13:12Two
13:13One
13:14Five
13:15Five
13:15So long
13:22Shoe man
13:23You guys are pretty jolly
13:27Don't you understand
13:30I'm doing this for us
13:31The little guys
13:32And one large woman
13:35If I can meet my boss
13:39Maybe you can meet yours
13:40I don't wanna meet my boss, Al
13:43I steal
13:45Hey
13:48We came to see you leave
13:51Don't let us down
13:53Going, I'm going
13:55Wait a second
13:57Have you seen any sign of a rich guy in the parking lot?
14:03A helicopter, a plane, a guy in a suit, anything
14:06Let me check
14:08Hey Ed
14:10You see the rich guy coming?
14:14I can't quite hear you
14:16Some guy in a ski mask
14:19Just set off his car alarm
14:21Trying to get in
14:23Hey, mister
14:28No need to break that window
14:30I got a coat hanger you can use
14:34Look, I got another appointment
14:38So if you're not gonna leave
14:40At least impale yourself on your shoe horn
14:43Alright, I said I was going and I'm going
14:46But let me tell you something
14:47I'm not gonna just disappear
14:51You'll see me again
14:53Wherever a fat woman shoves a smelly foot
14:58In front of some poor guy's face
15:01I'll be there
15:04Wherever someone comes into the store
15:09And tries to exchange a pair of shoes
15:11He's been wearing for three months
15:12I'll be there
15:14Whenever kids come into the store
15:18Take off their old shoes
15:20And try to sneak out with new ones
15:22I'll be there too
15:25Madam
15:27When Shamu needs a mate
15:30You'll be there
15:33Gee, Al, it's almost three o'clock in the afternoon
16:03You think you might want to get dressed
16:05What for?
16:09Aesthetics
16:10And so you look more dignified
16:13When you go beg for your job back
16:15I can't do that
16:17You know what would happen if I went back?
16:19Yeah, I could go back to enjoying my days
16:22What, do you think I like being here with you?
16:26Look, it's not like I haven't checked out the want ads
16:29Look at this
16:30All these jobs want a college degree
16:33Or computer skills
16:35Or worse, references
16:37What am I supposed to do?
16:40Stoop as low as this cheap blonde who can't read or write?
16:44I don't know
16:51Maybe I should have gone into my father's line of work
16:55Al, they have automatic pin setters now
16:59It's probably just as well
17:05I remember many of the night
17:08He'd wake up in a cold sweat
17:10Yelling, wait, wait
17:12Hey kids, your father just moved
17:19What are you doing?
17:24I'm gonna watch the ball game
17:25Excuse me
17:27Spell that word is coming on
17:30And Al, during the day
17:32This remote control is mine
17:34Now, for the his and her car wax
17:39Uh-oh, this is a long one
17:42Spell
17:42Newspaper
17:45Take me, Trevor
17:59Take me
18:00Take me
18:02Where?
18:06Who's that?
18:07That's Jade
18:08The one with the haunted past
18:10I thought Iris had the haunted past
18:12That's another show
18:14Hmm, this really is better, Jane
18:18Who's that?
18:20Al, that's the lady who sells soap
18:22It's a commercial
18:23I can't stand this anymore
18:27You have been home for one day
18:28And you are driving me crazy
18:30What did I do?
18:31How am I driving you crazy?
18:33Who's that?
18:34Oh
18:35Go back to work
18:38Who's that?
18:40Oh
18:41Hello, hello
18:48Hi
18:49We brought you some leftovers
18:51Vegetarian fajitas
18:53And tofu croquettes
18:55Now, don't get the wrong idea, Al
18:59We are not doing this because you're out of work
19:02It's just a coincidence
19:03We happen to make too much
19:04You'd really be doing us a favor
19:06To take it off our hands
19:07Ah, who are we kidding?
19:10It's charity
19:10Oh, how you doing, buddy?
19:15Enjoying your first day out of work?
19:17Ooh
19:18Ooh, nice pajamas
19:19Unemployment's really agreeing with you, big guy
19:24Well, it all comes down to priorities
19:27What's more important?
19:29Pride
19:29Or money?
19:31Money, Al
19:32I love it
19:34I love to look at it
19:36And be around it
19:37And count it
19:38That's why I went to the bank biz
19:41But that's me
19:42And you're out of work
19:43But hang in there
19:46There's plenty of work
19:47For a man with your qualifications
19:49Did you ever try to, uh
19:51Shoe a horse, Al?
19:53You know, you are tall enough to be goofy at Disney World
19:59Of course, you'd have to relocate
20:02But, uh, they have real nice trailer parks down there
20:06You're enjoying yourself, aren't you, Steve?
20:10Remember what you did to my dog, Al?
20:14Yes, I do
20:15To continue, then
20:16You could get yourself some flowers
20:19And sell them at the expressway off-ramp
20:21Now, Steve
20:22Oh, can't I do one more?
20:26Well
20:26Okay
20:28You could sell your blood, Al
20:32They give you juice and cookies afterwards
20:36Gee, Al
20:39If you could manage to stagger home without spilling the juice
20:43That would be dinner for the family
20:45Personally, Al
20:48I admire your conviction
20:50Throughout history
20:51Many men
20:52Considered great in retrospect
20:54Had to stand alone for their beliefs
20:57Although I think Al is the first shoe salesman
21:01We're gonna go upstairs and listen to some records
21:07Who's the guy in the pajamas?
21:11Is that your dad?
21:14Are you kidding?
21:17No, no, my father's in prison
21:19That's just my mom's boyfriend
21:24Oh, cool
21:28Do they have to be here?
21:33Yes, Al
21:34Until the state takes them from us
21:36Hey, Dad
21:39This is Teddy
21:41His dad's been unemployed for seven years
21:44So he's gonna drop by tomorrow
21:46And teach you how to play a game called
21:48Three-Card-Monte
21:49Yeah, really gets us through some hard times
21:54And it doesn't interfere with welfare
21:56Oh, kids
22:01Juice and cookies for supper tomorrow
22:04I'm sorry, Peg
22:08But after 16 years of marriage
22:10I have no blood left to give
22:11I have no choice
22:14I'm going back to work
22:15Oh, that's wonderful, Al
22:18I tell you what
22:19I'll bring the kids down tomorrow
22:21And you can buy us lunch
22:22I just love you so much more
22:25When you're not at home
22:26Poor Al
22:33He really thought he was somebody
22:36We knew he wasn't
22:38Gee, I guess we should have told him
22:41You think we should tell him now?
22:44Yeah
22:45Al
22:50You're not somebody
22:52Not then
22:54Neither are we
22:56Sure, we made fun of you
22:58But deep down
23:00We were really hoping
23:01The rich guy would show
23:03All of us mall guys feel that way
23:06You were right, Ed
23:09He came crawling back
23:11After one day
23:12Hey, I guess they run out of bags
23:18At the jewelry store
23:20These two guys are carrying the stuff out loose
23:24Hey, slow down, boys
23:29It's too hard to be running in this heat
23:31God, this is ugly
23:40That's your reflection, Kill
23:42Hi, honey
23:45I was going to bring you a sandwich
23:47You know, to save some money
23:48But then I figured, why bother?
23:50Let's go eat
23:51Well, well, well
23:54Prince of the penny loafers
23:57King of the canvas back high tops
24:00He's back
24:02You're back
24:04Well, where's your pride now, shoe man?
24:08Hey, Al
24:11Isn't she the one that got wedged in the escalator?
24:18You must be the wife
24:20And you must be why they're starving in China
24:23Is Al Bundy around?
24:32Over there
24:33Another spectator
24:35Go ahead, take your shot
24:37Well, I'm not sure what you're talking about
24:39I just want to meet Al Bundy and shake his hand
24:42Just who are you?
24:44Gary
24:45Gary, Gary Patterson
24:46You know, I own this place
24:48Gary?
24:51Our Gary from Gary's Shoes and Accessories for Today's Woman?
24:56I'm Al Bundy
24:57You know something?
24:59I got your letter and it really affected me
25:01After years of sleeping with beautiful women
25:04And living life just for fun
25:05I, uh, I thought I would come back to the trenches
25:09Say thanks
25:11And then get back to the beach
25:13You know, I know a great beach over at my house
25:16Uh, Gary
25:19As you might have guessed
25:20This is the wife
25:22Hit the showers, babe
25:28Al
25:32I want you to know I appreciate what you're doing here
25:35One day I would like to have you on my yacht
25:38Of course I won't
25:41But I want you to know that the next beautiful woman I bed down is dedicated to you
25:48Would you make it a blonde?
25:51They make life worth living, don't they?
25:55I wouldn't know
25:57How about showing me around?
26:01Sure
26:01Well, yeah, over here we have some shoes
26:07And, uh, over here's more shoes
26:10Here's an old bag
26:12Back here in the stock room is where we keep the rest of the shoes
26:19Gee, he did it
26:21He actually got the owner here
26:24You should be proud, kids
26:27There's a very special man in there
26:30And he's talking to your father
26:32Oh, you see, Daddy really does count
26:37Twenty-three
26:39Twenty-four
26:41Twenty-five
26:43Now, the deal was for fifty, Al
26:45And worth every penny
26:47They really thought you were Gary, Nick
26:49Hey, I've got alimony
26:50I'll do anything for money
26:52Six
26:54Twenty-seven
26:56Excuse me
26:57Thank you