Married With Children Season 2 Episode 5 Girls Just Want To Have Fun Pt 1
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00:00Love and marriage, love and marriage
00:14Go together like a horse and carriage
00:19This, I tell you, brother
00:23You can't have one without the other
00:29Love and marriage, love and marriage
00:35It's an institute you can't disparage
00:40Ask the local gentry
00:45And they will say it's elementary
00:49Try, try, try to separate them
00:56It's an illusion
00:59Try, try, try and you will only come
01:07To this conclusion
01:11Love and marriage
01:14Well, Al, I got all the food out of the refrigerator
01:31You know, honey, I think it was real nice of you
01:36To take Morris' advice and hire a woman to fix the refrigerator
01:40I wish I could hire somebody to fill it
01:43Dream on, Al
01:48Well, since someone's gonna be doing some work in the kitchen
01:52I guess I better go upstairs and rest
01:54Well, I'm ready, Mr. Bundy
02:11Me too
02:13Let me just check out the wiring
02:21Take your time
02:23I'll just be looking over your, uh, shoulder
02:31Look at this
02:35Directions on how to clean the oven
02:38Still in its original plastic
02:41That's a little woman's
02:45I'll just go and put it up in the attic with her iron
02:48Oh, excuse me
02:53Just keep looking
02:54What's the emergency, Al?
03:01It's in the kitchen
03:02You brought me all the way over here
03:15Just to see that
03:17Uh-huh
03:18Thanks, Al
03:20Oh, you know, Al
03:25This brings back memories
03:27I saw one of those in college once
03:31I used to jog behind her for hours
03:36I ran a marathon once and didn't even know it
03:39You know her name?
03:45Yeah, but I'm calling her Heidi
03:47You know, Al
03:52I feel kind of like a pig
03:54Standing here enjoying myself
03:57Staring at a poor unsuspecting woman
04:00As if she were nothing but a piece of meat
04:01Look out, she's moving
04:06Yeah, looks like two little kittens
04:12Playing gently under some denim
04:14I think it looks more like an apple, Al
04:25What kind of apple, Steve?
04:29A little red one
04:31You know how they are just before you pick
04:38You're a pig, Al
04:45Oh, hello, Marcy
04:47Well, I gotta go back to the shop and get some more tools
04:51Hurry back
04:52This is why you left the PBS pledge drive?
04:58Well, uh, this is something like Masterpiece Theater
05:05I can't believe it
05:08You're as bad as Al
05:11You're worse than Al
05:13He's nothing but a Neanderthal sexist
05:16But at least he doesn't hide it
05:18Hide it?
05:19I get a t-shirt that says it
05:21I never thought I would say this
05:27But Stephen Rhodes, under that sensitive, caring facade
05:31You're nothing but a...
05:34A man
05:34That's not true
05:36Oh, hi there, Marcy
05:42Peggy, do you know what is going on
05:45Underneath your very own roof?
05:46Well, we're rotting our lives away
05:49But the kids seem to enjoy it
05:51Not that
05:54Our husbands have been ogling the repair girl
05:58That's repair woman
06:00Oh, Marcy, calm down
06:04Men will look at anything
06:06By the way, Marcy
06:19What are you doing tonight?
06:20I don't know
06:21Stephen and I were going to go to a fundraiser
06:24For my women's group
06:25But since I think he'd be spending the whole evening
06:29Looking up the Toastmaster's dress
06:31I guess I'm free tonight
06:34Was it going to be formal, Steve?
06:37You know, a bunch of 300-pound women
06:39In crew cuts and flannel shirts
06:41Well, actually, some wear tweed
06:44Keep it up, Stephen
06:47Just slide down that evolutionary scale
06:51Yes, Peg, I believe I'm free tonight
06:56What'd you have in mind?
06:58Well, why don't you come over tonight?
07:00Some of the neighborhood girls are dropping by
07:02Oh, that sounds like fun
07:03I'll bring a cake
07:04Oh, there's going to be a cake
07:06You better watch your fingers setting it out
07:08One of the girls has been known to debone a chicken
07:11From across the room
07:13It wasn't from across the room, Al
07:18I'll be here
07:21Steve, I'm going home now
07:25You?
07:28You can put a little mirror on your shoes
07:31And go downtown for secretary lunchtime
07:34Oh, Mars, come on
07:38So I stared at a hiney
07:39Does that make me a bad guy?
07:41So, uh, Al
07:45You were staring at that girl, too, huh?
07:48Yeah
07:49I bet she had great legs
07:54Yeah
07:55Good breasts?
07:58Oh, yeah
07:58You want to go upstairs?
08:02Yeah
08:02Wait a minute
08:08With you?
08:13Oh, yeah
08:14Isn't there any more cake?
08:26Oh, sorry about your finger, Marcy
08:32That's okay
08:35It's only a flesh wound
08:37I can't believe
08:40Your husbands were staring at that poor girl
08:44You know, because of men like that
08:46I don't even wear shorts anymore
08:49You sure it wasn't because of the guys with the harpoons?
08:55Must he be here?
09:04We had sex today
09:06Oh
09:07That must be the beef people
09:14Is that the other pig?
09:23It is
09:24Don't challenge them, Steve
09:28I've seen them send stronger men than you screaming to their graves
09:32Anyway, Marcy, I brought you flowers
09:38Gee, Al
09:40How come you never bring me flowers?
09:43We had sex today
09:44Well, I know
09:48But something I could enjoy would be nice
09:52Well, I remember that next month when you come begging
09:57I'm sorry
10:00I'm sorry
10:01Marcy, can I just talk to you for a second?
10:08Steve, please
10:09I'm talking with my new friends
10:12Marcy, he's undressing me with his eyes
10:17Madam, that would take years
10:22Well, I'm tired of sitting around the house
10:30I do that all day long
10:32Why don't we go out tonight?
10:35Someplace fun
10:37Okay, girls
10:39I've got it
10:40Let's go to Troy's
10:43Oh, yes!
10:44Oh, that sounds like fun
10:51What's Troy's?
10:52Oh, yes!
11:22Peggy, this is a strip joint
11:38Oh, really?
11:39Yeah, I didn't know
11:41You know, I've passed by dozens of times
11:45But I've never actually been in
11:47Oh, hi, Miss Spunny
11:49Hey, Miss Spunny
11:53What's going on?
11:56How you doing, Big Red?
11:59Okay
12:00So I've been here once
12:03Usual table, Mrs. Bundy?
12:06But I tip well
12:07Peggy, I can't believe we're actually here
12:31Does that all approve of you coming to places like this?
12:34Well, he's got mixed feelings
12:37Actually, he doesn't know
12:40Hey, ladies
12:42This is Spunny
12:44Can I get you anything?
12:46Uh, yes
12:47We'll have five of the usual
12:49Five strawberry fanny bangers?
12:51Coming right up
12:51Oh, Peggy
13:05I'm feeling a little uncomfortable here
13:07Oh, that's okay, Marcy
13:09It always takes me a while to warm up, too
13:12Game right
13:13Look at it, Steve
13:36It's like two rhinos gently playing under a tarp
13:49Well, Mr. Bundy
13:53I don't know who worked on this baby before me
13:56But they sure didn't know what they were doing
13:59She knew what she was doing, all right
14:02Just goes to show you
14:05You want something fixed right?
14:07Hire an ugly man
14:08You have my utmost confidence
14:13You know, Steve
14:14Sixteen years ago
14:17Peg's father came to me and said
14:19Here, take it
14:20From me to you
14:21It's yours
14:22It's hardly been used
14:23I should have known there was something up
14:26Come to think of it
14:28He saw me in that refrigerator, too
14:29Where do you think the girls went, Al?
14:34To a nice place
14:35Away
14:36This is the first time she's walked out
14:40Without giving me a chance to explain
14:42Well, what were you going to explain, Steve?
14:45It's simple, Al
14:46I was going to explain
14:47That while it might have appeared
14:49That we were looking at that girl's rear end
14:53So admirably hoisted in the air before us
14:58What I was actually doing
15:02Was looking with admiration
15:04As I pondered how far women have come
15:08In the last hundred, nay, fifty years
15:11Yeah, but she did have a nice one, eh?
15:17You betcha
15:18But I still feel like a hypocrite
15:23I mean, I give money to women's causes
15:25Look, Steve
15:27It's good for women to be gone
15:28When they're mad at you
15:29It's good for women to be gone
15:31But especially when they're mad at you
15:33Because they go out there
15:35They see what's available
15:37You know, those fat, bald-headed little twerps
15:40That have no idea how lucky they are
15:42That they can't get a woman
15:43And they come crawling back to you
15:46Thankful
15:46Knowing that there's no way
15:49They can do better than us
15:50See, let's face it
15:51You don't go fishing for minnows
15:54When you got
15:55Moby Dick at home
15:57All that knowledge
16:09And you sell shoes
16:11Hey, Michelangelo was just a painter
16:15But he did other stuff, too
16:16Well, Al, this may come as a shock to you
16:24But I love my wife
16:27I like being with her
16:29And I'm not happy when she's mad at me
16:31So, I'm gonna go find out where this Troy's is
16:35And I'm gonna go and apologize
16:37Hey, Hot Tub Girls is on
16:41I don't care, Al
16:46I'm gonna go apologize
16:48See, Al, it's time you joined the 20th century
16:57Appreciate women for what they have up here
17:00Not for, oh, they're huge
17:03What are you doing?
17:13Uh, hi, bud
17:14Hi, Dad
17:16I just wanted to talk to you about something
17:19Put a fire under it, son
17:21Daddy's trying to help Steve
17:23It's about me and Kelly
17:27Having to go to Grandma's this weekend
17:29What about it?
17:31Why are we being punished?
17:36Why am I?
17:37Why are any of us?
17:39Are we done, bud?
17:44No, Dad
17:45Look, Grandma's real nice and all
17:48But that said
17:49She smells
17:51And she makes me dance with her
17:57Oh, bud, do what I do
18:00Ride on her feet
18:01Please, Dad
18:05Send Kelly
18:05She's used to dancing with smelly old people for money
18:09Let me tell you something about grandparents, son
18:13They're your roots
18:14They're your heritage
18:16And they're not gonna be around forever
18:17But they do
18:19Own some lakefront property
18:22You get my drift, son?
18:26Thanks, Dad
18:27You're welcome
18:28So, that's what they mean by quality time
18:34No, Steve, this is
18:37Mr. Bundy
18:40Can I use your bathroom?
18:42Uh, no
18:48Well, then I'm, uh, just about done, then
18:54Did I just hear a car pull up?
18:58Oh, Steve, what's wrong with you?
19:00You gotta be the only guy in America
19:03Who actually wants his wife to come home
19:05Then he's the night I sit here
19:09Looking across at my wife
19:11As she's sitting over there
19:12Much like you are
19:13And I look at her and I think
19:15Go home
19:17Then the horror hits me
19:25Because it dawns on me
19:26She is home
19:29Now, look what you've done
19:33You've depressed me
19:34Ooh
19:38Daddy
19:40It's like they know
19:42Uh, what is it, honey?
19:45What's this about Bud saying
19:47That only I have to go to Grandma's?
19:48No, you're both going
19:49Oh, come on, Dad
19:51It's just a waste of my time
19:53She can't even tell us apart anyhow
19:56She's always telling Bud
20:00What a fine young woman he's growing into
20:02And then she sends me out to chop wood
20:06They want to see you
20:09And if you don't go to them
20:10They'll come here
20:11And frankly, we can't afford to reglaze the bathtub
20:13You can go upstairs and pack
20:17Fine
20:18This time Bud can help her cross her legs
20:22Because I want to have children someday
20:24Al
20:31You've got a
20:33Lovely daughter
20:35Uh, let me ask you this
20:37When she grows up
20:39Don't you want her to be appreciated
20:42For more than just her physical beauty?
20:46Well, let's see, Steve
20:47How can I answer that?
20:48Uh, well, let's see
20:50Uh, Kelly, honey
20:52Come on down here a second
20:54Come here a minute, sweetheart
20:56I want you to tell Uncle Steve
20:59What your guidance counselor said
21:01What career you'd be best suited for
21:04Lumber can't toy or the other woman
21:07Thank you, sweetheart
21:17You were saying, Steve
21:21Well, Mr. Bundy
21:23She's working
21:25No, she's not
21:27She's out with the girls
21:28Um, how much do I owe you?
21:3180 bucks
21:3280 dollars
21:3480 dollars to fix
21:34A big hulking thing
21:35That won't work
21:36And 20 dollars to marry one
21:37Wait a second
21:43This is where I hide my money
21:45Where'd my money go?
21:49Go
21:53Oh, my God.
22:23They keep it awfully hot in here, don't they?
22:28Peggy, you just put a dollar bill down that man's pants.
22:32Why?
22:33Because my checkbook makes him walk funny.
22:39How long are we going to be here?
22:44Oh, not long.
22:46Just long enough to spend this.
22:48Yeah!
22:50What?
22:53Oh, my God.
22:55Oh, my God.
23:04All right.
23:07That was our construction worker.
23:22He's got a tool for every occasion.
23:30I think I should be going.
23:32And now, ladies, let's give a big Troy's welcome for our Latin lover, El Zorro!
23:42Hola, muchachos!
23:52Oh!
23:59Oh!
24:01Oh!
24:05Oh!
24:10Woo!
24:11Woo!
24:14Woo!
24:19Woo-hoo!
24:20Woo-hoo!
24:22Woo-hoo!
24:23Woo-hoo!
24:24Woo-hoo!
24:25Woo-hoo!
24:26Woo-hoo!
24:27Woo-hoo!
24:28Woo-hoo!
24:29Woo-hoo!
24:30Woo-hoo!
24:31Woo-hoo!
24:32Woo-hoo!
24:33Woo-hoo!
24:34Woo-hoo!
24:35Woo-hoo!
24:36Woo-hoo!
24:37Woo-hoo!
24:38Woo-hoo!
24:39Woo-hoo!
24:40Woo-hoo!
24:41Woo-hoo!
24:42Woo-hoo!
24:43Woo-hoo!
24:44Woo-hoo!
24:45Woo-hoo!
24:46Woo-hoo!
24:47Woo-hoo!
24:48Woo-hoo!
24:49Oh!
25:04I'm mercy, chef in!
25:07Go on, go on!
25:09Get in all of it!
25:11I'm not putting money down a man's pants!
25:14It's dirty. It's immoral. It's degrading.
25:24Dollars! Dollars!
25:26Give me your dollars!
25:28Morsley, calm down!
25:30Zorro doesn't come back unless you give him dollars.
25:39Hey, Zorro!
25:41Bump him back this way, honey!
25:44Oh, boy!
26:12It's always the quiet ones.
26:14Oh!
26:16A shame.
26:16You better fold her finger.
26:20My wedding ring!
26:47It's gone!
26:49Peggy, I've lost my wedding ring down Zorro's pants!
26:51I've lost my wedding ring down Zorro's pants!
27:21I've lost my wedding ring down Zorro's pants!
27:25I've lost my wedding ring down Zorro's pants!
27:27I've lost my wedding ring down Zorro's pants!
27:32I've lost my wedding ring down Zorro's pants!