Married With Children Season 2 Episode 9 Alley Of The Dolls
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Love and marriage, love and marriage
00:14Go together like a horse and carriage
00:19This, I tell you, brother
00:23You can't have one without the other
00:30Love and marriage, love and marriage
00:35It's an institute you can't disparage
00:40Ask the local gentry
00:45And they will say it's elementary
00:49Try, try, try to separate them
00:56It's an illusion
00:59Try, try, try and you will only come
01:07To this conclusion
01:11Love and marriage
01:14Hi, hi, hi, how are you?
01:29Gee, I just love bowling
01:32The sound of the pins
01:34The feel of the ball
01:36The smell of dead farm animals
01:41Peg, I'm going for a beer, you want something?
01:52Yeah
01:52Yeah, but I'm sure a waitress will be along in a minute
01:56Oh, Peggy
02:14Oh, hi, I didn't see you there
02:18Oh, Mimi
02:20That is you under that bad dye job
02:24Oh, kids
02:29Kids, come meet an old woman
02:31Peg, I'd like you to meet the twins
02:35Roscoe and Frank
02:36Gee, they don't look alike
02:40Same father
02:42Or should I say donor?
02:47Peg
02:48So, life hasn't been too good to you, huh?
02:51I don't work
02:53Well, I don't work either
02:54I don't do anything
02:57Either do I
02:58I have a maid
02:59Not me
03:01My house is a stye
03:03And I don't care
03:04Hiya, babe
03:07That's my husband, Chuck
03:11You poor thing
03:13Oh, yeah?
03:14But he has a
03:16It was so nice seeing you again, Peg
03:26It's so nice to see you, too
03:28God, I hate her
03:31What an idiot
03:40Look at that stupid little hop
03:43Does she really think that she's gonna get some
03:44You're right
03:45Your turn, Peg
03:49Oh, no, Al, I can't
03:51She's watching me
03:53The minute I get up there
03:54She's gonna bet that I can't strike like she did
03:57And she'll be right
03:58It'll be just like high school all over again
04:02Peg, I'm looking at both of you
04:05Believe me, it won't be like high school
04:08I don't know
04:11I kiss you and I kiss you
04:13And you're still a frog
04:15Anyway
04:17When we were in school
04:19We would bet on everything
04:20We didn't have a lot of money then
04:22So we'd bet pride
04:23You know
04:24We'd pick something humiliating
04:26And then the loser, me
04:28Would have to do it in public
04:30Ooh, nice spare, honey
04:38Watch me and want me
04:44Stay right
04:57Yay
05:00Al got a strike
05:03My husband is better than your husband
05:05More than you're better than me
05:07Oh, yeah
05:07Well, my kids are better than your kids
05:09Better than I'm better than you
05:11Yeah, well, you're aging badly
05:13Oh, yeah?
05:15Well, how about a little family ball-off?
05:19No
05:20What do you mean, no?
05:25I can bowl that doofus off the face of the earth
05:28We can beat him
05:30Yeah, but Mimi's better than me
05:33Well, since Bud's taking bowling lessons
05:35He says he's bowling 130
05:37Look at eight eyes over there
05:44They're pathetic
05:46Even though Kelly stinks like you
05:49What with me and Bud taking up the slack
05:52We can't lose
05:53Go ahead, bet
05:54Mimi?
05:57Yes, Peggy?
06:03Okay, it's a bet
06:04Saturday night
06:06Family bowl-off
06:07Eight o'clock sharp
06:08Fine
06:09Okay
06:11Now for the bet
06:13Let's see
06:15Loser sniffs every bowling shoe in the alley
06:19No
06:24Okay, all right, okay
06:25Um
06:27Winner walks the loser through the mall in a leash
06:30No
06:33All right, okay, okay
06:35Uh
06:36Loser runs through the bowling alley naked
06:39No
06:40I know
06:47The loser, you
06:49Will have to dress like a human trophy
06:52And pose for pictures with everybody in the alley
06:55Okay
07:00Okay, it's a bet
07:01Oh, uh
07:05Peggy
07:06I'd like you to meet my daughter, Deedee
07:08That's two I's
07:11Not for ease
07:13She has beautiful children
07:16Yeah, right
07:19But Deedee could break 200
07:22Hey, now wait a second
07:26That's five
07:27We don't have five
07:29Oh, gee
07:30Peggy
07:31Surely you must have some relatives somewhere that you can de-louse and trot out
07:36No bet
07:41Oh, fine, Peggy
07:44I understand
07:45Kids
07:46Take a look at a born loser
07:48Kids
07:50Take a look at a bald woman
07:53Oh
07:56Oh
07:57Wait, I don't
07:58I never liked you
07:59I never liked you
08:01I don't want you to let go
08:01I hate you
08:03Oh
08:03Do I hate her?
08:07Well, at least you got that souvenir
08:09That's just not enough
08:11I really wanted that bowl off
08:14I just know we could have won if we'd had five
08:17Why didn't we have another child?
08:23Sorry
08:24Well, there goes my day
08:37What do you want?
08:39Hey, we're friends
08:40Can't we drop over for no reason?
08:43No
08:43Why are you here?
08:48We set off a bug bomb
08:49And can't go back for another ten minutes
08:51So
08:55What's going on?
08:57I'm a little down tonight
08:59I ran into an old friend that I hate more than life
09:03Did you ever go to school with someone who does everything just a little bit better than you do?
09:10Barb Lenhart
09:11What?
09:13My rival was Barb Lenhart
09:16It started in kindergarten
09:18I let Don Thutie kiss me on the cheek
09:21She showed him her underpants
09:24First day at gym, I was wearing a t-shirt
09:29She was wearing a bra
09:31I finally had a chance to beat her at our high school reunion
09:35I couldn't wait
09:37I had a great job
09:38A terrific husband
09:40And I'd lost ten pounds
09:42Then she went and died a tragic death
09:45And that's all anyone could talk about
09:47Poor Barb
09:50Poor Barb
09:54They could care less that I was a success
09:57Her decapitation got all of the attention
10:01It was so Barb
10:06God, I hate her
10:08Well, my Barb is Mimi Stoats
10:11And I have finally got a shot at beating her at bowling
10:14And I'm not going to get the chance
10:16I'm one bowler short
10:19And I needed a good one
10:21Done
10:22You know somebody?
10:26I sleep with him
10:27Shh
10:29Who?
10:34Steve
10:35Oh
10:37Steve?
10:39Look at him
10:41His lithe, wiry body was made for bowling
10:45And he does a heck of a little mambo, too
10:48Al
10:50Steve can bowl
10:52You bowl?
10:55Well
10:55I don't like to brag
10:58Marcy
10:58He's a wonderful bowler, Al
11:01What do you bowl?
11:04Uh
11:04Marcy
11:05About 165
11:07Uh
11:08170
11:09Steve
11:11You're a godsend
11:14I need you to be my ringer
11:15Will you bowl for me Saturday night?
11:19If I still can't have you let go of me
11:21Thank you, thank you, thank you
11:23It's Saturday night at 8
11:26All you have to do is bowl great and be a Bundy
11:29Yeah, right
11:31When I grow fur and marry Cheetah
11:34Not a chance
11:38Besides
11:39No one will believe I'm a Bundy
11:41We'll Bundy up
11:43I don't want to be Bundied up
11:47What if you do it and I can't come back?
11:50Steve
11:51Please
11:52Do it for me
11:54And I'll do it for you
11:57Let's bowl
12:02We're gonna do it, Peg
12:08We're gonna beat the Stoats family
12:11Hey, kids
12:17Come on over here
12:18It's time for the Bundy cheer
12:20Oh, no
12:21Come on over
12:23Whoa, Bundy
12:29Great news, kids
12:33We are gonna bowl against the hated Stoats family Saturday night
12:37Bowl?
12:39Yes, and we're really looking forward to your 130
12:42I love you, Bud
12:45Hey, I'm giving up a Saturday night here
12:50Doesn't anyone love me?
12:53Kelly, you bowl a 60
12:54What do you want?
12:57Hank, let's go upstairs and call Mimi and tell her the bet's on
13:00Oh, uh, you better dial
13:02Cause, uh, I'm saving my hand for bowling
13:05Oh
13:06You make me sick
13:11Bud's the smart one
13:13Bud's the good one
13:15Bud's the hero
13:16Yeah, yeah, I'm giving up a great date
13:19But who cares?
13:20Cause I stink
13:21So go ahead and gloat
13:23Well?
13:30Kelly
13:30The only reason I'm telling you this
13:32Is because you're so used to failure
13:34So maybe you can tell me how to break this to mom and dad
13:38That money I took for bowling lessons
13:41I now have a lifetime pass to the Pussycat Theater
13:45And I can't bowl worth a damn
13:50Wait, well, you're not kidding me, are you?
13:55No, Kel
13:56Oh, God, I love you!
14:01You're not gonna tell, are you?
14:03Tell?
14:04And give up counting the beads of sweat forming on your forehead
14:08Cause you've ruined your mother's life?
14:11Oh, no, Budrick
14:12I plan to be just as stunned as the rest of the family
14:18Bud?
14:20A liar?
14:25Okay, the bet's made
14:27Oh, and did I tell you?
14:29The loser has to dress up as a human trophy
14:32Oh, the humiliation
14:35I'm finally gonna beat her
14:38Thank you, Bud
14:39Yes
14:42Thank you, Bud
14:44I'm the good one now
14:47Bud, where's Mom and Dad?
14:59They went to Bowl Town
15:00Dad needed some stuff
15:02What am I gonna do, Kel?
15:05Stink and be punished
15:07Oh, my God, this is great
15:09And it's only the first day
15:12Gee, the pressure must be terrible
15:16Oh, oh, could you do me a favor?
15:21Right after your first gutter ball
15:22And I get that picture of Mom and Dad
15:24And their looks of disappointment and horror
15:26Could you kind of tilt your chin up
15:29So that the light catches that tear
15:31Streaming down your face?
15:35You dirt, Kel
15:37Yes, but everybody knows it
15:41Howdy, teammate
15:45Bud's a 130 bowler, you know
15:49Uh, listen, Bud
15:56Are your folks in?
15:58I wanted to ask him if I could be an adopted Bundy
16:01That would help explain my hygiene, grammar, and full set of teeth
16:06Mr. Rhodes, could you do me a favor
16:10And run over my hand with your car?
16:14When will this punk stuff end?
16:18A mangled hand is not what you're going to want when you're 40, young man
16:22Mr. Rhodes, sit down
16:27Have you ever lied to your mother?
16:34Of course not
16:35Well, I did tell her I was the bank president
16:40But, uh, I will be someday
16:42So that's not really a lie, is it?
16:46What did you do?
16:48I told her I could bowl
16:49Well, of course you can bowl
16:51You're a Bundy
16:52A failed Bundy
16:55She's counting on me
16:56And I'm going to let her down
16:58Well, how about this?
17:01I have to believe that somewhere in your chromosomes
17:04There lies a bowler
17:05We got six days
17:08Let's you and I go to lanes and practice
17:10You pay
17:11You've got a deal
17:13And buy me an ice cream
17:16Don't push it, Mr. Rhodes
17:18All right
17:21A lot can be accomplished in a winter
17:23Now let's see your form
17:25All right
17:31I know
17:32I know
17:35what I would like to be a book
17:36All right
17:36I want to see your form
17:38That's why I'll leave you
17:39I want to see your form
17:40And
17:41And
17:44We'll see you
17:45I want to see your form
17:45And
17:47We'll see you
17:47I'll see you
17:48No
17:49Oh, God
17:50Good, good.
18:05Al, it's 7.15.
18:08If we don't get there by 8, we forfeit.
18:11Come on, honey.
18:13I'm ready.
18:20What is that?
18:32That's my Pro Bowler Automatic Thumb Warmer Limited Edition.
18:40Let's get us some stoats meat.
18:45No!
18:47Fenty!
18:50Okay, okay, so you've touched paws.
18:55Can we ball now?
18:56My daughter's on her way.
18:58We'll wait for her.
18:59Uh-uh, not a chance.
19:01She gets a zero for every frame she misses.
19:04Wait a second.
19:06Who's this guy?
19:09Cousin Steve.
19:11I smell a ringer.
19:12This guy's no Bundy.
19:20My mistake is a Bundy.
19:23So, are we ready?
19:32Let's bowl.
19:33I smell a ringer.
19:34I smell a ringer.
19:35I smell a ringer.
19:35I smell a ringer.
19:36I smell a ringer.
19:37I smell a ringer.
19:37I smell a ringer.
19:38I smell a ringer.
19:39I smell a ringer.
19:39I smell a ringer.
19:40I smell a ringer.
19:40I smell a ringer.
19:41I smell a ringer.
19:41I smell a ringer.
19:42I smell a ringer.
19:43I smell a ringer.
19:43I smell a ringer.
19:44I smell a ringer.
19:44I smell a ringer.
19:45I smell a ringer.
19:45I smell a ringer.
19:46I smell a ringer.
19:47I smell a ringer.
19:47I smell a ringer.
19:48I smell a ringer.
19:49I smell a ringer.
19:50I smell a ringer.
19:51I smell a ringer.
20:03Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
20:25Come on, kill those pins.
20:33Yes!
20:55Steve! Run!
20:59Yeah!
21:03Well, it's about time.
21:15I'm sorry I'm late. I really wanted to be here to see your face when Bud Bowled is 49 by the fourth frame.
21:27Bowling lessons pay off, Kel. Thank God for Bud. Bud's the good one.
21:37Where were you anyway?
21:39He was the most gorgeous boy in school. It's Saturday, I'm young, and this is bowling.
21:47Show them what you got, Roscoe.
21:49Yeah, Roscoe.
21:50You know, I can't believe you. Just once I would like to see you do something to help your family.
21:56That's my girl.
22:06That's my girl!
22:08No!
22:09Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
22:11Ha, ha, ha, ha!
22:12Ha, ha, ha.
22:56Yeah, all right!
23:04Yes!
23:56Ow!
23:58Al, he got a spare.
24:01We're in our final frame and we need 23 pins.
24:0523?
24:07No problem.
24:13I'm ready.
24:14Steve Rake!
24:30Can you do it again?
24:37That's all I ever hear from you.
24:41For my next ball,
24:44I'd like a steak dinner with all the trimmings.
24:48I'll even make potatoes.
24:58Steve Rake!
25:00Oh, let's go!
25:04Yes!
25:04Yes, you did it!
25:06We need three pins to win.
25:08Three pins!
25:10Oh, you have the sex drive of a stone,
25:14but I love you.
25:16Three pins!
25:18Well, let's see.
25:19Which one should I get?
25:21The, uh,
25:22one, two, three,
25:23the, uh,
25:24three, four, five,
25:25or the ever-tricky
25:26one, seven, nine.
25:29Just ball, you moron.
25:31Okay, kids,
25:32get out the cameras.
25:34History is about to be made.
25:36I don't know what happened, Peg.
26:03The ball must have slipped.
26:06Somebody must have tampered
26:07with my thumb warmer.
26:10And I still bowled a 175, Peg.
26:13Good, Al.
26:15No, I mean it, Peg.
26:17I'm upset about this.
26:18You know how much this thing costs?
26:21You're gonna be much longer, Peg.
26:23The kids are getting hungry.
26:24Just go home, Al.
26:27You sure you'll be okay?
26:28Get the hell away from me, okay?
26:32Say goodnight to your mother, kids.
26:36Goodbye, Mom.
26:41Goodbye, Mom.
26:43Come on.
26:48I can't walk out on her like this.
26:51I can't walk out on her like this.
26:52Come on.