#the #ten #year #plan #2014 #comedy #romance #gay #lgbt #el #plan #años #comedia #romance
Categoría
🎥
CortometrajesTranscripción
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:30CastingWords
00:01:32CastingWords
00:01:33CastingWords
00:01:34CastingWords
00:01:35CastingWords
00:01:36CastingWords
00:01:37CastingWords
00:01:38CastingWords
00:01:39CastingWords
00:01:40CastingWords
00:01:41CastingWords
00:01:42CastingWords
00:01:43CastingWords
00:01:44CastingWords
00:01:45CastingWords
00:01:46CastingWords
00:01:47CastingWords
00:01:48CastingWords
00:01:49This calls for a toast.
00:01:52Here's to relationships.
00:01:57To first dates.
00:02:04Would you excuse me for a minute?
00:02:06Of course.
00:02:19What's up, Miles?
00:02:25He's so cute and smart.
00:02:28I really like him.
00:02:30I think he may be the one.
00:02:31What kind of puppy did you pick out?
00:02:33I took him to this amazing restaurant.
00:02:36Just gave him a red rose.
00:02:42He's leaving, isn't he?
00:02:44He just slipped out the door.
00:02:46Oh, Miles.
00:02:48Time to initiate our suicide pact.
00:02:51I'm sure the time's upon us.
00:02:53Death by chocolate?
00:02:55I'm afraid so.
00:02:56Text me where you are.
00:03:06Jeez.
00:03:08Nice place.
00:03:10It was before my date left me.
00:03:12Here, this'll cheer you up.
00:03:15What's this?
00:03:16It's your birthday present.
00:03:18My birthday isn't for two months yet.
00:03:20I know.
00:03:21I figured you could use a little happy now.
00:03:24Oh, hello.
00:03:26Oh, you got my favorite.
00:03:28Of course.
00:03:31Don't get too excited.
00:03:32It's not much.
00:03:36Oh, come on.
00:03:37Don't get all gushy on me.
00:03:40You do have a sentimental side.
00:03:42That's the day we met.
00:03:43I made two of them.
00:03:44One for you.
00:03:45One for me.
00:03:48I just want to do something that you would like.
00:03:50Don't make me regret being nice, alright?
00:03:52Enough of this sappy crap.
00:03:55Here is to men.
00:03:58To finding the perfect man.
00:04:01To friends.
00:04:03To relationships.
00:04:04Being single.
00:04:11Do me a favor.
00:04:12Don't let me die alone.
00:04:13You're not gonna be alone.
00:04:14I'm gonna be there holding a pillow over your face.
00:04:18This is to the hangovers we're gonna have tomorrow.
00:04:20So we agree.
00:04:22To being hungover?
00:04:23No.
00:04:24But we won't grow old alone.
00:04:26Oh, I'm never gonna be alone.
00:04:28In fact, I'm already drafting a list in my head of all the things I'm gonna do to our waiter.
00:04:33Most of them are still illegal in 42 states.
00:04:36Hey.
00:04:38Hey.
00:04:39I'm serious.
00:04:40Come on, you know that I'm always gonna be here for you.
00:04:43Alright, I can tell you're obsessing over this already.
00:04:47I'll make you a deal.
00:04:49If in ten years we're both still single, neither of us have found anybody,
00:04:53we'll be boyfriends.
00:04:54A couple.
00:04:55Together.
00:04:56Forever.
00:04:59Backup plan?
00:05:02You're serious.
00:05:03Sure.
00:05:04Here, you're the one who's going to school to be a fancy attorney.
00:05:08Write something up, I will sign it, make it legally binding.
00:05:12So I have ten years then.
00:05:14To find love before you're 35.
00:05:19Just being in love.
00:05:21Here is to ten years of freedom.
00:05:28and whoop!
00:05:34And have eightungen you paint on the wall, and whoop!
00:05:38And Jonathan.
00:05:39And you can modify the affinity together.
00:05:41And you can't feed anyone.
00:05:43And you can't destroy anything.
00:05:45What is the matter of culture?
00:05:47No matter what they're doing.
00:05:49And you can't.
00:05:52You're on my mind, I don't fall asleep most nights, staring up with open eyes.
00:06:17Here they are.
00:06:18Made you those appetizers you like with the imported goat cheese.
00:06:23Please, sit down.
00:06:26I will, but trust me, you don't want dinner to burn.
00:06:31It does smell great.
00:06:32What is it?
00:06:33Eggplant Sorrento.
00:06:34Are you kidding me? That's my favorite.
00:06:37I know, I called your mother.
00:06:39You're making my mom's eggplant Sorrento?
00:06:41Well, you've been working a lot recently, so I thought it'd be nice to do something extra special for you.
00:06:45I can't believe you called my mother.
00:06:47It's a tad scary.
00:06:50Sit.
00:06:51Relax.
00:06:52Sit.
00:06:5386 Cabin A.
00:06:54I'm back in a few.
00:06:56What's up?
00:06:57Hey, you want to get your movie tonight?
00:07:01Can't, man.
00:07:02Got plans already.
00:07:03Start with a cold beer and then with a sticky towel.
00:07:05The best nights do.
00:07:06Looks like it's just you and me again tonight, buddy.
00:07:07Hey, you're the one who insists on being straight.
00:07:09Look, why don't you just come out with me tonight, huh?
00:07:11You give me ten minutes, I will get you an a** so hot you can eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner off of it.
00:07:12I prefer my partners not to have the same equipment as me.
00:07:13Not me.
00:07:14I prefer the same.
00:07:15Or bigger.
00:07:16Hey, you're the same.
00:07:17Hey, you're lost.
00:07:18Hey, you're lost.
00:07:19Hello, David.
00:07:20Say hello to David.
00:07:21Is it really that easy for you?
00:07:22Dude, that's the beauty of being straight.
00:07:23It's just you and me again tonight, buddy.
00:07:24It's just you and me again tonight, buddy.
00:07:25Hey, you're the one who insists on being straight.
00:07:26Look, why don't you just come out with me tonight, huh?
00:07:27You give me ten minutes, I will get you an a** so hot you can eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner off of it.
00:07:32I prefer my partners not to have the same equipment as me.
00:07:35Not me.
00:07:36I prefer the same.
00:07:37Or bigger.
00:07:38Hey, you're lost.
00:07:41Hello, David.
00:07:46Say hello to David.
00:07:47Is it really that easy for you?
00:07:49Dude, that's the beauty of being a man.
00:07:51Look, there's no whining and dying.
00:07:53Five minutes, we'll have had a beer.
00:07:54Fifteen minutes, we'll be in the sack.
00:07:55Sixteen minutes, I'll be at home watching pay-per-view.
00:07:58It's amazing.
00:07:59You should try it.
00:08:00Well, if you put it that way.
00:08:03Seriously?
00:08:05Hell no.
00:08:06Someone was hungry and thirsty.
00:08:20Here, taste.
00:08:21Are you ever gonna sit down?
00:08:23I'd really like to talk.
00:08:25Wow.
00:08:26That is good.
00:08:27It's exactly like my mom makes it.
00:08:28Good.
00:08:29Now, I want to hear all about your day.
00:08:30Come to the table.
00:08:31We'll talk over dinner.
00:08:32What?
00:08:33I don't even know what to say.
00:08:34How about let's eat?
00:08:35Fine.
00:08:36Hi.
00:08:37I'm David.
00:08:38Hi.
00:08:39I'm Brody.
00:08:40Nice to meet you.
00:08:41What is it with you guys introducing yourselves?
00:08:42Like, you don't already know who I am.
00:08:43I mean, you have sent me so many pictures.
00:08:44I don't know what to say.
00:08:45I don't know what to say.
00:08:46How about let's eat?
00:08:47Fine.
00:08:48Hi.
00:08:49I'm David.
00:08:50Hi.
00:08:51I'm Brody.
00:08:52Nice to meet you.
00:08:53What is it with you guys introducing yourselves?
00:09:07Like, you don't already know who I am.
00:09:09You have sent me so many pictures of yourself that I probably know you better than your own
00:09:14doctor does.
00:09:15I don't know.
00:09:16Do you have a better way of greeting someone at the door?
00:09:19How about-
00:09:20Hey, Brody.
00:09:21Come on in.
00:09:22Do you want a beer?
00:09:24Hi, Brody.
00:09:25Come on in.
00:09:26Do you want a beer?
00:09:27No.
00:09:28I'm good.
00:09:29You look terrified.
00:09:31First time on Grindr?
00:09:33No.
00:09:34Maybe.
00:09:36Yeah.
00:09:37Okay.
00:09:38Well, relax.
00:09:39We're gonna have fun.
00:09:40How about you?
00:09:41You want a beer?
00:09:42Actually, I'd love one.
00:09:44Okay.
00:09:53Well, that's a nice compliment.
00:09:56That was amazing.
00:09:58I'm glad.
00:09:59How'd the client meeting go today?
00:10:01I hope you got all the I'm thinking of you texts I sent.
00:10:04Yep.
00:10:05All ten.
00:10:06You seem a little tired tonight.
00:10:12Why don't you just take your shoes off?
00:10:14Relax.
00:10:15I'm just-
00:10:16I'm just-
00:10:17I'm trying to figure out the best way to talk to you about something.
00:10:22As long as it's not let's see other people.
00:10:28You want to see other people?
00:10:30I'm just thinking that we're moving too fast.
00:10:32We've been dating a month.
00:10:35I see you once a week for dinner and sex, and I do all the work for both.
00:10:38How is that possible to be moving too fast?
00:10:40I just want to pump the brakes a bit.
00:10:42Well, do you think you could have pumped them on a day I didn't spend cooking an elaborate dinner and planning erotic massages?
00:10:49Wow.
00:10:53Ah.
00:10:54Miles.
00:10:56One day, you are going to make someone the most amazing husband.
00:11:01Just not you.
00:11:04No.
00:11:11I'm going to leave.
00:11:12Yeah.
00:11:30Miles.
00:11:31Say hello to David.
00:11:32Say hi David.
00:11:33Hi.
00:11:34Hello David.
00:11:35It's always a pleasure meeting one of Brody's hookups.
00:11:38Especially after I've just been dumped.
00:11:41Oh.
00:11:42What happened?
00:11:43You have to ask.
00:11:45You want me to come over?
00:11:47That depends.
00:11:49Would you like strawberries infused with cognac hand dipped in dark chocolate?
00:11:52I'll be right there.
00:11:53If.
00:11:54Mm.
00:11:55Mm.
00:11:56Mm.
00:11:57Mm.
00:11:58Mm.
00:11:59Since when did you start f***ing Martha Stewart?
00:12:00One does what one has to to get a man.
00:12:01I've had a lot of men.
00:12:02I've never injected a strawberry with cognac before.
00:12:04Well, not in literal sense.
00:12:06Well, it doesn't matter anyway.
00:12:07I'm done.
00:12:08I'm in my mid-thirties.
00:12:09I've had a lot of men, and I've never injected a strawberry with cognac before.
00:12:13Well, not in literal sense.
00:12:18Well, it doesn't matter anyway.
00:12:21I'm done. I'm in my mid-thirties.
00:12:23It's time to acknowledge the fact I'm destined to become a gay spinster.
00:12:27If the thought of dog hair ever didn't disgust me, I'd be a gay cliché.
00:12:31Trust me, you don't need a small dog to be a gay cliché.
00:12:35Thanks.
00:12:36Either way, I'm tired and done.
00:12:38I'm sick of chasing men, only to have my heart broken every time.
00:12:41Okay, enough. I'm taking you shopping. If you're going to be single, you need the proper tools.
00:12:46I'm afraid of you right now.
00:12:48You're smarter than you look.
00:12:50Come on.
00:12:54If I know you, a kinky evening of sex means using your left hand,
00:12:59and your toy arse holds nothing more than a two-year-old jar of lube.
00:13:02Look, being single requires the proper equipment, and there's no better place to get it than here.
00:13:07Then here.
00:13:08Ah.
00:13:09Flesh Jack.
00:13:10Better than the real mouth.
00:13:11Why?
00:13:12Because it doesn't speak.
00:13:15Dildo.
00:13:17No more gambling with what's on the other side of the zipper.
00:13:20Nothing is worse than unwrapping the Whopper only to find they skimped on the pickle.
00:13:24Now you can come home to Jeff Stryker every night.
00:13:27Oh, mini projector.
00:13:30Now you can watch your favorite pornos in HD above your head.
00:13:35One can see you've done extensive research on the subject.
00:13:38Hey, I may not be good at many things, but the things I'm good at, I'm an expert in.
00:13:43Minty Fresh.
00:13:45Here.
00:13:46Richard.
00:13:47Thank you very much.
00:13:48I enjoyed it, sir.
00:13:49I can't believe you make me eat here.
00:13:50Are you kidding me?
00:13:51Everyone knows the best food in L.A. comes from the food trucks.
00:13:52Yeah, so does E. Coli.
00:13:53Oh, hey.
00:13:54I got you something.
00:13:55What?
00:13:56It's a sex toy.
00:13:57If this goes where I think it goes, you and I are going to have a big problem, buddy.
00:14:01It doesn't.
00:14:02Trust me.
00:14:03You're going to like this.
00:14:04I went shopping with Miles last night.
00:14:05I was trying to cheer him up.
00:14:06And I was trying to cheer him up.
00:14:07He was trying to cheer him up.
00:14:09He's trying to be with my brother.
00:14:10Look, boys, man.
00:14:11And who are they?
00:14:12I don't know why.
00:14:13Hey.
00:14:14Oh, I'm sorry.
00:14:15I'm sorry.
00:14:16I'm sorry.
00:14:17I can't believe you make me eat here.
00:14:18Are you kidding me?
00:14:19Everyone knows the best food in L.A.
00:14:20Trust me, you're gonna like this.
00:14:22I went shopping with Miles last night.
00:14:25I was trying to cheer him up.
00:14:26He just broke up with his newest boyfriend.
00:14:27Another one?
00:14:28I feel so bad for that guy.
00:14:30Yeah, me too.
00:14:32Miles is a bit much.
00:14:33No, I meant Miles.
00:14:37You feel bad for Miles.
00:14:39Don't. If you want to pity someone, try me.
00:14:41Miles and I made a deal ten years ago
00:14:43that if we were still single by the time we were 35,
00:14:46we would be a couple.
00:14:47That's ridiculous.
00:14:48Miles is a successful, smart lawyer.
00:14:50He can do so much better than you.
00:14:51I know, right?
00:14:52Wait, what?
00:14:53I don't even know why you're complaining.
00:14:54I think it's a great idea.
00:14:55No.
00:14:56You'd be lucky to have a guy like Miles.
00:14:57That is the last thing in the world I need.
00:14:59Yeah, you're crazy, but we both know that.
00:15:01Sounds like if you don't want to be Miles' next boyfriend,
00:15:04you're gonna have to do something about it.
00:15:05Quick.
00:15:07Miles turns 35 in one month.
00:15:09We have 30 days to find Miles a boyfriend.
00:15:12No, not we.
00:15:13You.
00:15:18It's open.
00:15:25Hey, hey, hey.
00:15:28You ready for boys night out?
00:15:30Yeah.
00:15:31Can I get you a drink?
00:15:32I trained you well.
00:15:34No, I got it.
00:15:37Hey, can we stop by my place?
00:15:39I don't have time to go back to the station.
00:15:41Sure.
00:15:42Whatever you need to do.
00:15:47Ugh, I waited all day for that.
00:15:50What are you looking at?
00:15:51It's just I rarely see you in a uniform.
00:15:54You like a man in a uniform?
00:15:56Who doesn't?
00:15:57What do you think?
00:15:59I think you look less like a real cop, more like a male stripper.
00:16:02It's no wonder you're so easily able to catch the bad guys.
00:16:07Oh, really?
00:16:08Huh?
00:16:09Little male stripper?
00:16:10Okay.
00:16:17Have you been a bad boy, Morales?
00:16:20Hmm?
00:16:21I may have broken a few.
00:16:22There's someone in you with a hard time.
00:16:25Tell me now.
00:16:31We should get going.
00:16:32Yeah.
00:16:33We should go.
00:16:34I'll get my keys.
00:16:35I'll get my...
00:16:37I'll be at the car.
00:16:52A go-go bar?
00:16:53Hey, every once in a while, a guy's got to get his gay on.
00:16:56If you're worried about not being gay enough, I'd say you're good for the next year.
00:17:01Maybe ten.
00:17:02Ha.
00:17:03Two martinis.
00:17:04So dirty, the health department will shut your ass down for serving them.
00:17:07What is it with you and go-go bars?
00:17:09Hey, now I have four of my favorite things.
00:17:12Booze, music, hot, almost naked men.
00:17:15That's three.
00:17:19You shouldn't snub your nose at go-go bars.
00:17:21They are a very important tool in the gay man's sexual arsenal.
00:17:26Like candles and chocolate-dipped strawberries.
00:17:28Yes, and no.
00:17:30Look, you need less romance and more sex.
00:17:33Okay, bear with me.
00:17:34Define go-go boy.
00:17:36A young, fit, attractive male, wearing next to nothing, thrusting his engorged...
00:17:44Let's just say he's a sexy male dancer.
00:17:47Yes!
00:17:48Exactly, sexy.
00:17:49Men are visual animals.
00:17:50Look, we see a hot guy, we get turned on.
00:17:52Go-go boys are just eye candy.
00:17:54Here to stimulate our adrenaline, boost our testosterone.
00:17:58Okay.
00:17:59So they're here to tease.
00:18:01You can't have them.
00:18:02You can just look and gently touch.
00:18:05Look, it's all fine, but it has nothing to do with me.
00:18:10That is where you're wrong.
00:18:11It has everything to do with you.
00:18:14Guys want them, but they go home with me?
00:18:16Finally, yes.
00:18:17You want a man.
00:18:18These boys will help you get one.
00:18:20Yeah, but I want someone who cares about me.
00:18:22Not someone who has sex with me while thinking about some greased-up muscle twink in the G-string.
00:18:27Sex is sex.
00:18:28For you.
00:18:29You need to relax, okay?
00:18:33Look.
00:18:34See that cutie over there?
00:18:36He's serving up mouth shots.
00:18:37Go get him.
00:18:38Yeah, along with possible meningitis.
00:18:39I think I'll stick with my cocktail out of my partially clean glass.
00:18:44I'd rather not.
00:18:46I know, but do it anyway.
00:18:48Here you go.
00:18:57Got a minute?
00:19:02No, no, I'm up to my nose in briefs.
00:19:05And not the good kind.
00:19:07Hmm.
00:19:12What is wrong with men?
00:19:14Oh, at least it's not a complicated question.
00:19:17Let me clear my calendar for the next decade and we can figure it out.
00:19:20Do you have any idea what it is like to have an ovary full of eggs screaming fertilize me?
00:19:25It adds a whole new dimension to the misery of being single.
00:19:28Uh, no.
00:19:29And I don't want to either.
00:19:30In fact, I'd rather not discuss it.
00:19:32Being gay does not excuse you from having to deal with this.
00:19:34I'm pretty sure it does.
00:19:38Besides, I'm newly single now, too.
00:19:41Aww.
00:19:42Soon it'll be time for you and Brody to be a couple.
00:19:44How sweet.
00:19:45No, and when did I tell you about that?
00:19:50If I know Brody, he's probably forgotten all about it.
00:19:52Remind him.
00:19:53And videotapes expression when you do.
00:19:55It'll be a good one.
00:19:56I'm planning on Brody not remembering our little plan.
00:19:59Why?
00:20:00He's a great catch.
00:20:01And so hot.
00:20:02But he's not relationship material.
00:20:04Well, what about the two of you just fooling around?
00:20:07I cannot understand how your best friend is a sexy cop and you have not hooked up yet.
00:20:11Contrary to what you may think, gay people don't all just sleep with each other.
00:20:14Really?
00:20:15I didn't get that memo.
00:20:16And neither did the rest of West Hollywood.
00:20:21Brody's my friend.
00:20:22You don't sleep with your friends.
00:20:25How's it that I've never heard of any of these rules?
00:20:27I swear you make them up as you go along.
00:20:29Well, Brody and I don't see each other that way.
00:20:31Don't tell me you're not his type.
00:20:33Brody only has one type.
00:20:35Facing down!
00:20:37Okay, thanks.
00:20:42Good job.
00:20:43Right.
00:21:07Join me now.
00:21:08Bye.
00:22:07Oh, great.
00:22:37Hey, Brody.
00:22:51Oh, someone's getting busy.
00:22:54Huh?
00:22:55Oh, wow.
00:22:56No.
00:22:57Talk about incriminating evidence.
00:23:00I'm just cleaning up.
00:23:01Everything is covered in lube.
00:23:04Atta boy.
00:23:05It's not what it looks like.
00:23:07What do you want, Brody?
00:23:09I just called to tell you that I went south of the border,
00:23:11and I'm not talking about a little road trip to Tijuana.
00:23:13I just made it with a smoking hot Latino papi.
00:23:17Dude, I don't know what's gotten into me lately.
00:23:19Probably about nine inches.
00:23:21Quick.
00:23:22Nice.
00:23:22Well, I was having a nice night by myself.
00:23:27I can tell.
00:23:29Not that.
00:23:31Cooked a terrific dinner.
00:23:33Read a good book.
00:23:33Played cards.
00:23:34I was about to get into this big soft bed without some strange guy next to me
00:23:38snoring and farting his way through the night.
00:23:41Mm-hmm.
00:23:41You sound miserable.
00:23:44I am.
00:23:44I'm going to find you the perfect guy.
00:23:53Oh, no.
00:23:54No, no, no.
00:23:55Dude, I'm your best friend.
00:23:56Who is more qualified than me to find a guy for you?
00:24:00Your argument is compelling, and as always, disconcerting.
00:24:05Trust me.
00:24:06I have met a lot of great guys over the years,
00:24:08and if I wasn't a confirmed bachelor,
00:24:10I would have scooped one of them out myself.
00:24:11But hey, my loss is your game.
00:24:15I'm going to find you a husband, buddy.
00:24:17You better buckle up, because we're going on a manhunt.
00:24:20I'll brace for impact.
00:24:21Bye.
00:24:26Hi, I'm Miles.
00:24:27It's really nice to meet you.
00:24:29Brody told me a lot about you.
00:24:30I'm Stu.
00:24:31It's so funny you picked this place.
00:24:33It's my favorite coffee shop.
00:24:35And you bought me a Neclair.
00:24:37I love these.
00:24:38Here's a double decaf soy latte, too.
00:24:41I like to do my research before I meet someone.
00:24:42When you say you like to do your research before you meet someone,
00:24:47what exactly do you mean by that?
00:24:49I like to know who I'm meeting.
00:24:50I just do a standard Google, Facebook, LinkedIn search before I meet them.
00:24:54You know, see if we're compatible, find out what you're into.
00:24:58So you do this kind of investigation with every guy you go out with?
00:25:02It helps me come up with some things to talk about.
00:25:05There's nothing worse than meeting a guy for the first time
00:25:07and having nothing to talk about.
00:25:10My research also helps me do things like this.
00:25:16It's your favorite flower.
00:25:19I also know you play lacrosse in high school.
00:25:21You love to go camping.
00:25:22You have a French bulldog named Doug.
00:25:26Could you excuse me for one moment?
00:25:28Do you want me to order for you?
00:25:31Vanilla latte, extra foam, extra hot, right?
00:25:35Oh, wow.
00:25:36My sister just texted.
00:25:38She just swallowed a rusty nail.
00:25:40I'm sorry.
00:25:40I'm going to have to take her to the hospital.
00:25:45Call me.
00:25:45What up?
00:25:57Okay.
00:25:58I officially give up.
00:25:59No more men.
00:26:01Okay, let's start with the mildly overdramatic
00:26:03and work our way back to the partially sane.
00:26:05I'm like kryptonite to my Superman.
00:26:07I'll never find someone to love me.
00:26:10You're probably just coming on too strong, buddy.
00:26:12Look, you just need to relax,
00:26:14you know, get to know someone,
00:26:15have a little fun.
00:26:16Oh, so it is me?
00:26:18It's not you.
00:26:20Look, I'm just setting you up with the wrong guys.
00:26:22Give me one more chance.
00:26:23No.
00:26:24I'm heading straight to the kennel.
00:26:25I'm going to pick out a little white dog.
00:26:26I'm going to plan to spend the rest of my days alone.
00:26:29Come on.
00:26:30One more chance.
00:26:30One date.
00:26:31I promise.
00:26:34Okay.
00:26:35I'll consider one more date under one condition.
00:26:38It's non-negotiable.
00:26:41What are your terms, counselor?
00:26:42Will you come with?
00:26:45Oh, God.
00:26:46I won't do this alone.
00:26:48Look, you pick out a date for me
00:26:50and I'll pick out someone for you.
00:26:51If you're there,
00:26:52then you'll get to witness a disaster firsthand.
00:26:55It's like having box seats
00:26:57at a NASCAR event
00:26:59where you know there's going to be
00:27:00a multi-car pilot before it's all over.
00:27:02Well, as long as you're going into it
00:27:04with such a positive attitude.
00:27:06Positive I'm going to end up alone again
00:27:07at the end of the evening.
00:27:08Bye.
00:27:18I hope you like this place.
00:27:20They have the best stuffed mushrooms.
00:27:22I love stuffed mushrooms.
00:27:23I had them the last time I was...
00:27:25when my date decided to ditch me.
00:27:29Oh.
00:27:30Sorry.
00:27:31Well, uh,
00:27:32hopefully tonight will be better for you.
00:27:35Here's to not being dumb tonight.
00:27:35Wow, sorry.
00:27:37My house can be a tad bit depressing.
00:27:39Hence, having a way to remove
00:27:40all the sharp objects from the table.
00:27:42You're an a**hole.
00:27:45Uh, you don't recognize me, do you?
00:27:49Brinder?
00:27:52I tried to message you a couple times,
00:27:54but you, uh,
00:27:55never responded.
00:27:57I'm sorry.
00:27:57I'm just, I'm not really good with technology.
00:27:59Just a simple farm boy.
00:28:02Oh, yeah?
00:28:02Where are you from?
00:28:04New York.
00:28:05Oh, so how was the harvest
00:28:07in Manhattan this season?
00:28:11I'm originally from Colombia.
00:28:13My parents are farmers.
00:28:15Organic coffee trade.
00:28:17There's no such thing as organic coffee.
00:28:19You're just a marketing ploy
00:28:20to drive up the cost of beans.
00:28:22My family's in the coffee business, too.
00:28:24We sell espresso machines
00:28:25and roasted beans.
00:28:26Mostly organic.
00:28:28I don't know.
00:28:29What's your family name?
00:28:31Fiore?
00:28:31I've heard that name before.
00:28:33I think my family supplies your coffee beans.
00:28:35Get out of here.
00:28:36I'm serious.
00:28:37I'm a total coffee whore.
00:28:39Double decaf latte.
00:28:40Extra soy, extra foam, extra hot.
00:28:42You don't want to know
00:28:43what I do for one of those
00:28:43before work in the morning.
00:28:44And you said that was just a little
00:28:47vanilla froth
00:28:48in the corner of your mouth
00:28:49the other day?
00:28:50Hey, what goes on between
00:28:51my barista and I
00:28:52is my business.
00:28:54Do you know Vincent?
00:28:57Vincent Fiore.
00:28:58He's only my brother.
00:29:00Are you serious?
00:29:01Yes.
00:29:02What an awesome guy.
00:29:03Yeah, Vincent's been trying
00:29:04to get me to travel with him
00:29:05for years.
00:29:06I mean, I think he's even told me
00:29:07about your farm.
00:29:08No way.
00:29:08Yes.
00:29:09We have 1,000 acres
00:29:10of the luscious farmland
00:29:11you've ever seen.
00:29:12So how about them Dodgers, huh?
00:29:14I don't follow sports.
00:29:16Yeah, sports are what
00:29:16straight guys talk about
00:29:17when they have nothing
00:29:17better to say.
00:29:18Come on.
00:29:19Yeah, right.
00:29:21I'm starting to regret
00:29:22having the waiter remove
00:29:23those sharp objects
00:29:23from the table.
00:29:24Yeah, I know.
00:29:24Give me a minute
00:29:25and I'll forge a ship
00:29:26out of a breadstick.
00:29:27Do you think they would
00:29:28notice if we left?
00:29:29I've always wanted to be
00:29:30the guy that leaves.
00:29:32Miles, that is a horrible
00:29:33thing to do to your date.
00:29:34I know, you're right.
00:29:35I'm sorry.
00:29:36I didn't say we shouldn't do it.
00:29:38I just said it was a horrible
00:29:38thing to do,
00:29:39which is what makes it so fun.
00:29:41Excuse me.
00:29:42I'm going to go too.
00:29:45Sean's going to be the same.
00:29:46Are you okay?
00:29:47You do the same.
00:29:48Sean's going to be the same.
00:29:48Okay.
00:29:49I'm going to be the same.
00:29:55Fiore.
00:29:57Well, that went predictably bad.
00:30:01I'll give you that much.
00:30:02Tonight needs to end
00:30:03with a stiff drink.
00:30:05Scotch?
00:30:06No, I've got to be meeting mom.
00:30:07Come on, hang out.
00:30:08Chill.
00:30:09You don't have to rush home
00:30:10to Jeff Stryker.
00:30:11Jeff Stryker?
00:30:12Oh, the dildo?
00:30:16Oh.
00:30:19Here.
00:30:22You know, I can sell my
00:30:23cleaning lady over if you want.
00:30:25She's only 75 bucks a visit.
00:30:26She'll bring her own napalm.
00:30:28Hey, I made a path to the couch.
00:30:29That counts for something, right?
00:30:31Ugh.
00:30:32You need someone to take care of you.
00:30:33No, I need to hire a maid.
00:30:35Everyone needs someone, even you.
00:30:38What are you afraid of?
00:30:39God, of being nagged to death
00:30:41about being single.
00:30:42Oh, I need to get you a man.
00:30:45Give me your phone.
00:30:45All right, take your shirt off.
00:30:52What?
00:30:53Take your shirt off.
00:30:55No, you're not putting up
00:30:56half-naked pictures of me
00:30:57on the internet.
00:30:58No way.
00:30:59Oh my God, it's not the internet.
00:31:00It is an app.
00:31:01Everyone does it.
00:31:02Look, you need to try something
00:31:04different for a change.
00:31:05No.
00:31:07How do you do it?
00:31:09Very well, and often on all fours.
00:31:10Oh my God.
00:31:12Trust me, it is better than being alone.
00:31:16I'm really not comfortable with this.
00:31:18It's all about advertising.
00:31:20If you want to catch a fish,
00:31:21you've got to show them your worm.
00:31:24Nobody's seeing my worm.
00:31:26And the shirt stays on.
00:31:28It's non-negotiable.
00:31:29Fine.
00:31:30Leave the shirt on.
00:31:31I'll smile and say,
00:31:33I'm a bad little boy
00:31:34who's looking for a sexy daddy.
00:31:37Cheese.
00:31:41Cheese will do.
00:31:47Look at that.
00:31:48Oh my God.
00:31:48It's beautiful.
00:31:50It's awful.
00:31:52Delete it.
00:31:53No way.
00:31:57I have got to delete this.
00:32:03Wow.
00:32:04Okay.
00:32:06Wow.
00:32:11Now?
00:32:41I like the, uh, abercrombie meets mob cabin Republican thing you've got going on.
00:32:56I gotta tell you, I've never done this kind of thing before.
00:32:59And what kind of thing is that?
00:33:00Meet up with a guy I don't know in the middle of the night.
00:33:03What do you think so far?
00:33:05Nervous.
00:33:06How adorable.
00:33:08You wanna come in?
00:33:09You're not gonna kill me, are you?
00:33:11Do you really think that someone who's planning on killing you is gonna answer that question
00:33:15with a yes?
00:33:16I feel like taking your chances.
00:33:20I wasn't planning on revealing I was this neurotic until much later.
00:33:24Cat's out of the bag now.
00:33:26Offer still stands.
00:33:27Can I get you a drink?
00:33:28I got whiskey, beer, vodka.
00:33:29I'm fine.
00:33:30Hit?
00:33:31No, I'm good.
00:33:32You mind?
00:33:33I got whiskey, beer, vodka.
00:33:34I'm fine.
00:33:35Hit?
00:33:36No, I'm good.
00:33:37You mind?
00:33:38You go home.
00:33:39I got whiskey, beer, vodka.
00:33:40I'm fine.
00:33:41Hit?
00:33:42No, I'm good.
00:33:43You mind?
00:33:44You go home.
00:33:45Are you sure?
00:33:46You're fine.
00:33:47I'm fine.
00:33:48See?
00:33:49Oh, I'm fine.
00:33:50You go home.
00:33:51Are you sure?
00:33:52Can I get you a drink? I got whiskey, beer, vodka. I'm fine.
00:33:57Hit?
00:33:59No, I'm good.
00:34:01You mind?
00:34:08Are you sure? I'm fine.
00:34:15So what happens now?
00:34:19Whatever you want.
00:34:22I don't bite. Very hard at first.
00:34:32You sure I can change your mind about that drink?
00:34:37Make it a double.
00:34:52What's up, bud?
00:34:56Hey. Check it out. I took your advice.
00:35:00Where are you?
00:35:01I'm at the Searcy Hawkeyes house.
00:35:04Don't even say you did it. I will not believe you.
00:35:06This is so hot.
00:35:08Where are you?
00:35:10His name is Hunter.
00:35:11Yeah, I'm sure it is.
00:35:13I'm not sure. Here comes. I gotta go. I'll call you later.
00:35:16Hey, wait!
00:35:18Is that your backup plan?
00:35:22Oh, no. It's just my buddy. He always calls me whenever he meets a hot guy, so...
00:35:28I just called Tim.
00:35:33I'm flattered.
00:35:35I'm sorry.
00:35:36You can get it if you want. Just one second, Tim.
00:35:47What do you want?
00:35:48What are you doing?
00:35:49I'm taking your advice.
00:35:51My advice?
00:35:52Yeah, meet people. Have fun. Look, I gotta go. I don't wanna be rude. I'll call you later.
00:35:57Hey, wait!
00:35:58No, I'll call you later.
00:36:05That was ridiculous, I know.
00:36:07Um, now I'm embarrassed.
00:36:09No, no, no. Don't worry. It was sweet.
00:36:14Well, if there's no one else you'd like to ring up at midnight,
00:36:17are you ready to get to know each other?
00:36:22Do you mind if we just hang out tonight?
00:36:25Oh.
00:36:27Oh, okay. Um...
00:36:29No worries. I'm down with whatever.
00:36:32You sure?
00:36:34Yeah, that's fine.
00:36:36I just assumed it was what you wanted.
00:36:39Um, I'm not really like that.
00:36:43Me neither. I'm really just a simple, romantic homebody.
00:36:49I'm good with just...
00:36:52hanging out tonight.
00:36:54That's very cool.
00:36:56You just seem like a really great guy.
00:36:59I do.
00:37:05You know, if you wanna put your hand on my leg again, I won't freak out. I promise.
00:37:10I won't be a house.
00:37:12I'll look at you.
00:37:14I won't be a house.
00:37:18I won't be a house.
00:37:23If you don't really have any house in the house, do I have to give?
00:37:26You just want to make the house.
00:37:28I don't bite out.
00:37:31I won't.
00:37:33I'll take a bite off.
00:37:34how sweet well that was certainly hot i needed that listen i need to go i i have class
00:38:02oh yeah what are you studying it's an aerobics class oh is it tough it's actually quite fun no i mean
00:38:11getting back to the 1980s when they actually taught aerobics it's coming back i'll have you know
00:38:17i have to remember to tell my leg warmers that what are leg warmers you kidding me no and unfortunately
00:38:25i don't have time to find out i need to leave i have to be there at 11. oh my god it's 11.
00:38:42hey what happened to you you never called me back last night
00:38:45it's diane brody do you know where miles is well did you try him at home
00:38:51it's a wonder you're not a detective yet uh i don't know i haven't seen him since last night
00:38:56well he had a client meeting on the books at 9 30 and he missed it
00:39:00uh okay um let me go check in on him i'll get back to you in 10 minutes
00:39:04thank you miles you in there don't you have a key
00:39:13what a new key for huh is there a problem officers no sir we're just uh responding to a call
00:39:20you know miles i do quiet fella but nice always a hello in the hallway raised right smells good too
00:39:30what'd he do he didn't do anything we're just checking on him did you happen to see him last
00:39:34night nope don't think he came home or i would have heard him i hear everything even with his bad ear
00:39:41i catch it all let me know if you need my help i'm a vigilante you know i think we got it covered
00:39:49but thank you for your help anything for officers of the law keep up the good work boys
00:40:12miles miles you here miles miles
00:40:26wow who's his roommate mr clean
00:40:32carafe silver shaker who does he entertain here james bond
00:40:41when blockbuster runs out of dvds to rent do they come here and borrow a few from miles
00:40:46okay enough with the running commentary can you just see if you can find something please
00:40:49like what dust good luck with that
00:40:56come on
00:41:00he never came home last night i'm sure he's fine yeah famous last words before they find his body
00:41:05in a dumpster look we need to put an apb out and get more eyes out there looking for him now before we
00:41:09sound the alarm let's stop by his office see what we can find relax it'll be fine just one quick stop
00:41:16okay okay
00:41:30there you are thanks recovery wait a second why do you look like this
00:41:34is this a walk of shame i'm not ashamed of anything well you obviously didn't do it right i wouldn't be so
00:41:39sure about that okay i want to hear everything and it had better be filthy phone numbers names
00:41:45descriptions is video asking too much a gentleman never kisses and tells a gentleman who doesn't tell
00:41:51is asking for a beating okay but only because i'm afraid of you right now wait hold that thought
00:41:56before you start i have to call brody and have him call off the swat team he's going to send after you
00:42:05i was just calling you see i told you he was fine has he been here the whole time
00:42:11he just got here hence me trying to call you hey i'm standing right here
00:42:16diane called she said you didn't come into work she made us all nervous i just came in a little that
00:42:20you really didn't have to call brody don't blame me it's my maternal instincts i'm a slave to them
00:42:27suddenly this day has just taken a turn for the better
00:42:30hello my name is diane i hope you enjoy the softer of the two sexes hi i'm officer garcia and i do
00:42:42where were you i thought something happened something did
00:42:44he was just about to tell me all the sort of details i'm dying to hear them i have a feeling
00:42:49that most of them are filthy well i can't right now i've got a ton of work to catch up on so now if
00:42:54you'd excuse me are you serious is he serious look would you can you give us a minute you take all the
00:43:02time you need you come with me okay what were you doing what are you thinking going to some strange
00:43:10guys house in the middle of the night for a hookup it was your idea i'm trying new things plus you do
00:43:15it all the time yeah i'm different than you how i'm a cop i can defend myself unlike you oh please
00:43:24miles i know guys some of them are real creeps i see what people are capable of look i appreciate
00:43:30your concern really i do but i can take care of myself thank you really like that time those girl scouts
00:43:37talked you into buying a dozen boxes of cookies that wasn't my fault there were four of them only
00:43:42one of me so do you have a first name officer garcia it's richard as in yes richard uh-huh i can see
00:43:57that you're packing a lot of equipment well we're outfitted with the proper gear to handle any situation
00:44:02i can see that look i gotta get to work can we fight about this later maybe if i'm not too busy dad
00:44:16so what does a girl have to do to get her hands on your nightstick well it's actually bigger than it
00:44:20looks if you let's go it's nice meeting you you too so what's the deal with diane oh i know i'm sorry
00:44:35you got stuck with her she's a psycho it felt like a piece of meat for her to chew on and spit out how
00:44:42awesome is that wait what diane as in you and diane no no no that is a bad idea the two of you could
00:44:52not be more different friction is what makes the heat my friends oh besides i'm packing and i carry a
00:44:59gun let's leave the bad sexual puns to me so what happened with miles oh he
00:45:09went home with some guy last night it's great your plan worked yeah i guess it did right
00:45:17should be happy you're off the hook beer's on me you pick the place deal
00:45:27yeah he clearly doesn't know i carry a gun hey i have gone to plenty of bars with you you can get
00:45:32your go-go along with me in that case i want to need another drink here oh
00:45:48hey what the hell
00:45:52i'm sorry you just you caught me off guard i was gonna warn you about that
00:45:58i know you weren't they're called mouse shots for a reason what the hell other kinds of shots are
00:46:03there well don't answer that all right i gotta run where are you going i told diane i meet up with
00:46:11her after she got off of work don't forget your handcuffs
00:46:28me
00:46:50someone's having wwf smackdown screaming till your neighbors being on the wall style sex
00:46:55It shows.
00:46:57I'm talking about myself and my spicy Latino lover.
00:47:00You and Richard?
00:47:02It's kind of like a spin class, hot and sweaty,
00:47:04but with handcuffs and nightstick and pepper spray.
00:47:07Okay, pepper spray is too much.
00:47:10How are you and Hunter doing?
00:47:11Judging by the recent playlist of 80s love songs,
00:47:13I'd say it's going pretty well.
00:47:17Oh, you really are an easy-bake oven
00:47:19away from being a 12-year-old girl, aren't you?
00:47:23Bye, love.
00:47:25You okay, partner?
00:47:38I took the new recruits out last night to O'Malley's.
00:47:40I don't know which is worse,
00:47:42the gay bars or the Irish ones?
00:47:44I guess it depends on what you're looking for
00:47:45at the end of the rainbow.
00:47:47At this point, I would settle for a well-hung leprechaun.
00:47:50That's why I'm glad I'm dating again.
00:47:52I'm in bed by 10 p.m.
00:47:53If I'm ever in bed by 10, put a bullet in me.
00:47:56I'm telling you, these past two weeks have been great,
00:47:59and sex with Diane is amazing,
00:48:01which reminds me I need some more pepper spray.
00:48:03I'm not even going to ask.
00:48:06Besides, the image of Diane having sex is not something I want stuck in my head all day.
00:48:10Really?
00:48:11Because I do.
00:48:12Ugh.
00:48:13Speaking of which, it's been two weeks for Miles and his boyfriend.
00:48:16I know because I'm patiently waiting for him to get dumped again.
00:48:19Well, that's a kind of positive, healthy support a best friend deserves.
00:48:22Hey, I'm just waiting in the wings like I always do for when he gets his heart broken again.
00:48:27Face it, you miss him.
00:48:29You don't know what you're talking about.
00:48:33If you say so.
00:48:34But I do know this.
00:48:35If you were my friend and I missed him,
00:48:37I'd grab a couple of beers, get some Chinese food,
00:48:40and go over to his place after work.
00:48:42Well, you're not me, and I don't need your advice.
00:48:54Come in.
00:48:56Oh, hey.
00:48:57Brody.
00:48:58I thought it would be nice if I surprised you with dinner.
00:49:02That's actually a really nice surprise, but I already have plans.
00:49:06I can see you have plans.
00:49:08Are you having Liberace over for dinner?
00:49:10What is this?
00:49:11It's Hunter's first time coming over tonight.
00:49:14I wanted to do something special.
00:49:17Oh.
00:49:18Well, we can do something another night.
00:49:21You know you don't have to go.
00:49:24You can join us if you want.
00:49:26Don't be ridiculous.
00:49:27You know I don't do threesomes.
00:49:29Since when?
00:49:34It's too much, isn't it?
00:49:36What?
00:49:37No, it's ridiculous and over the top,
00:49:40but it's you and that's what I think is so nice about it.
00:49:44Other guys might find it terrifying, but I...
00:49:47I think it's wonderful.
00:49:50You like that about me?
00:49:51What, that you're a psycho?
00:49:53Yes, it makes me feel more...
00:49:55normal.
00:49:56Look, finish getting ready and we'll do something tomorrow.
00:50:03Happy hour?
00:50:04Yeah.
00:50:06See you tomorrow then.
00:50:07Later.
00:50:08You kind of go in the back of my school.
00:50:09I just want to leave it on the floor as well.
00:50:11Later on.
00:50:12I'll have a little two other side.
00:50:13Here we go.
00:50:15What was that?
00:50:16No, it's alright.
00:50:17Well, it's alright.
00:50:18第二, but, you know you guys have a commitment to the wheels.
00:50:20Hello Stone. I'll see you in five minutes.
00:50:50Hey birdie. Stone.
00:51:20Come on in, have a drink.
00:51:22I can see you've done this before.
00:51:24Maybe once or twice.
00:51:26So how do you want to do this?
00:51:28Quickly. I've got dinner in an hour.
00:51:30I'm fine with being an appetizer.
00:51:34Just so you know, you're going to be late for dessert.
00:51:40Fine by me.
00:51:46It's probably my date tonight.
00:51:48He's obsessive compulsive.
00:51:50How annoying. I know, right?
00:51:54I'm sorry. I can't. Just get it.
00:51:58I'll send it to voicemail.
00:52:04Please tell me your name is not Hunter.
00:52:08No, of course it's not.
00:52:10Thank God.
00:52:12Hunter's my hookup name.
00:52:14Mike Stone.
00:52:16Oh.
00:52:17Sure, if you want me to tap.
00:52:20No, as in...
00:52:22What's the problem?
00:52:24Man, I really wanted you to turn out to be a good guy.
00:52:28I am a good guy.
00:52:30Well, maybe not marriage material, but...
00:52:33I...
00:52:34I gotta go.
00:52:36Dude, chill out.
00:52:39This is not a big deal.
00:52:41Actually, it is.
00:52:42Miles is my best friend,
00:52:44and he is going to freak out
00:52:46when he finds out that I hooked up with his boyfriend.
00:52:48Boyfriend?
00:52:49We're not boyfriends.
00:52:51Miles is a nice guy and a decent lay,
00:52:53but that's about where it ends.
00:52:55Don't make me knock you out.
00:52:57Hey, you're in my house, remember?
00:52:59Okay, look.
00:53:00This is how this is gonna go.
00:53:01You go have dinner with Miles,
00:53:03and you don't say anything about this.
00:53:05Look, this never happened.
00:53:07You know what?
00:53:08I really think you should leave.
00:53:09I'm serious, now.
00:53:10I'm not done here.
00:53:11Yeah, you are,
00:53:12and if you don't leave, I'll call the cops.
00:53:14I'm a cop.
00:53:16Yeah.
00:53:17Well, if that's the case,
00:53:18then I'll just call Miles
00:53:19and tell him I hooked up with his best friend,
00:53:21the cop.
00:53:23Okay.
00:53:24Calm down.
00:53:25Look, I'll go,
00:53:26but I just,
00:53:27I need you to promise
00:53:28that you're not gonna be in Miles, okay?
00:53:30Just go have dinner with him.
00:53:32Don't say anything about this.
00:53:33I am asking you nicely.
00:53:35See?
00:53:36Now you're being a good boy.
00:53:38Just so you know,
00:53:39I'll do what I want.
00:53:40And I'll start by throwing you out.
00:53:41Got it?
00:53:43I got it.
00:53:44Good.
00:53:45I'm glad we're on the same page again.
00:53:47Now leave.
00:53:48Now leave.
00:53:49You see?
00:53:50Then leave.
00:53:51Now leave.
00:53:52You're so ready.
00:53:53Ready?
00:53:54All right.
00:53:55You go down.
00:53:56Excuse me.
00:53:58You get this 1st.
00:53:59You shut up?
00:54:01You're right.
00:54:02All right.
00:54:03Okay.
00:54:04You're right.
00:54:05You're right.
00:54:06You're right.
00:54:07You're right.
00:54:08I'm gonna bourbon.
00:54:09You're right.
00:54:10So,
00:54:11you're right.
00:54:12Now you're right.
00:54:13I'm gonna be the best friend.
00:54:44Hey Miles, Hunter broke up with me.
00:54:58I'm so sorry Miles.
00:55:04Could you come over?
00:55:07Death by chocolate?
00:55:11Death by homemade tiramisu.
00:55:16I'll be right there.
00:55:21One day you were gonna find a guy who sees what a great catch you are.
00:55:28You were gonna make someone the best husband.
00:55:33What about you?
00:55:35I am not a catch.
00:55:37Well that's not true.
00:55:38Yes, it is.
00:55:40Look, I'm not like you.
00:55:43Anybody who would pass up an amazing evening like this with you is a fool.
00:55:52Mom.
00:55:53I'm obviously doing something wrong.
00:55:56You have lousy taste in men.
00:55:58Take...
00:55:59Hunter!
00:56:00Let's not talk about him.
00:56:01I think we should.
00:56:02No, I really don't want to.
00:56:03Let me finish.
00:56:04Anybody who would break up with you in a text is a creep and not worth your time.
00:56:14You think I don't know them?
00:56:16I didn't even text him back.
00:56:18I'm sick of being mistreated by guys that don't appreciate me.
00:56:23Good for you Miles.
00:56:25Now, can we just move on?
00:56:29Let's just enjoy the fact we're hanging out together.
00:56:33Yes.
00:56:34Let's make tonight about this amazing tiramisu you made.
00:56:38And us.
00:56:39And us.
00:56:51So, run this by me one more time.
00:56:54Why didn't you tell him what happened the other night?
00:56:57I just couldn't.
00:56:59If you knew Miles and how upset it would make him, trust me, you would not have told him either.
00:57:02Actually, yes.
00:57:03I would have.
00:57:04Miles can't handle these things.
00:57:07He's a grown man.
00:57:08Yeah.
00:57:09On the outside maybe, but on the inside he's all Hello Kitty.
00:57:13He's never going to find out.
00:57:15That's not how it works.
00:57:17Trust me, they always find out.
00:57:19And even if they don't, you always think in the back of your head that they know something but just aren't saying anything.
00:57:23How?
00:57:24Does someone have a little baggage or a past relationship they like to talk about?
00:57:27That's just the act of learning the hard way.
00:57:29Fine.
00:57:30I'll talk to him tonight.
00:57:33Okay?
00:57:34Alright.
00:57:35How you doing?
00:57:36I liked him.
00:57:37He was a great guy.
00:57:38He wasn't that great.
00:57:39Hi Brody.
00:57:40Martini?
00:57:41No thanks.
00:57:42I'm probably just going to get it thrown in my face.
00:57:44What did you do?
00:57:45Can I just start off by saying that it was not my fault.
00:57:47That is the worst way to start a conversation.
00:57:49That's like saying, I know this looks bad, or this is just going to hurt a little bit.
00:57:54I can tell already this is just not going to hurt a little bit.
00:57:59What did you do?
00:58:00Can I just start off by saying that it was not my fault?
00:58:04That is the worst way to start a conversation.
00:58:07That's like saying, I know this looks bad, or this is just going to hurt a little bit.
00:58:11I can tell already this is not going to end well.
00:58:15I've known you over 10 years.
00:58:16Nothing you can say is going to bother me or surprise me anymore.
00:58:19Just tell me.
00:58:21I ran Hunter's ID down at the station.
00:58:25His real name is Stephen Adams.
00:58:26He's from Nebraska.
00:58:28Well, I know where he's from.
00:58:29I didn't know his name wasn't Hunter.
00:58:31Yeah, and it's not Stone either.
00:58:33That's my point.
00:58:34What's the point?
00:58:35And who is Stone?
00:58:36Exactly.
00:58:36Neither of us knew his real name.
00:58:38Just tell me what happened.
00:58:42After I left your place the other night, I went on Grindr to meet someone.
00:58:51You hooked up with Hunter.
00:58:52I didn't know it was him.
00:58:53He said his name was Stone.
00:58:54I mean, who uses that name anyway?
00:58:56He texted me on Grindr.
00:58:57I went over there.
00:58:58I did not know what I was doing was wrong.
00:59:00I would never do that to you.
00:59:02You suck.
00:59:03How was I supposed to know?
00:59:04It's not like you introduced me to the guy.
00:59:05You were the one that ruined this for me.
00:59:07I met a great guy.
00:59:08And you just couldn't stand it.
00:59:10He is not a great guy.
00:59:11Believe me.
00:59:12And certainly not the prince charming you think he is.
00:59:14Trust me.
00:59:15Hunter is a creep.
00:59:16Trust you.
00:59:17Think about it, Miles.
00:59:20It's always the same thing with you.
00:59:22You bring this on yourself.
00:59:24You keep thinking that some one guy is going to be exactly what you need to be happy.
00:59:28It is not the case.
00:59:30Never will be.
00:59:31Well, Siley, that's true, isn't it?
00:59:38You're right.
00:59:38Things have got to change.
00:59:40I've got to go.
00:59:41Sorry.
00:59:41I can't do this anymore.
00:59:42Wait.
00:59:43What?
00:59:44Martini.
00:59:45Dirty.
00:59:49Miles.
00:59:49Miles.
00:59:51Miles.
00:59:51Look at this guy.
01:00:07He didn't even attempt to slow down when he saw us.
01:00:10So light him up.
01:00:11He was only going 40.
01:00:13He's speeding right in front of us.
01:00:14People need to learn to respect authority.
01:00:16Light him up.
01:00:17It's not a big deal.
01:00:18I said, let's get him.
01:00:20So now you're that...
01:00:21You're a cop that chases down an 87 Corolla for going 15 miles over the speed limit.
01:00:26Yes.
01:00:28You really need to straighten this thing out with Miles.
01:00:31I've tried calling, texting, emailing him.
01:00:33He obviously doesn't want to talk to me.
01:00:36I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I can take a hint when someone doesn't want to see me.
01:00:40You have to go over there and work this out.
01:00:42Knock his door down if you have to.
01:00:44He doesn't want to talk to me.
01:00:46You're a cop, for Christ's sake.
01:00:48Pull your balls out of your ass and man up.
01:00:50You miss him.
01:00:51Make it right.
01:00:55Fine.
01:01:05Miles!
01:01:06Open up!
01:01:07Miles, come on!
01:01:08Open up!
01:01:09I need you to open up!
01:01:10Just talk to me!
01:01:11Knock one at a time and I'm calling the cops!
01:01:14Officer.
01:01:22Undercover, huh?
01:01:23Sting operation.
01:01:25I get it.
01:01:26Still after Miles.
01:01:28Have you seen him?
01:01:28Nope.
01:01:30What did he do?
01:01:31He didn't do anything.
01:01:33It's always the quiet ones.
01:01:35I knew he was a bad seed.
01:01:38That isn't the case, sir.
01:01:40Of course you can't say anything.
01:01:43I know what's going on.
01:01:44I just hope you get the s***.
01:01:58Miles!
01:01:58Come on.
01:02:04Miles.
01:02:04Pizza, wings, and beer.
01:02:12Who needs men?
01:02:16We'll have more fun without them.
01:02:19No, we won't.
01:02:20You're right.
01:02:23Try not to f*** about how much men suck tonight.
01:02:26Why?
01:02:27It's my favorite subject.
01:02:29Luckily for you, I have the perfect evening planned.
01:02:32Comfort food, ice cream, and...
01:02:36a romantic movie.
01:02:38I love that we're doing this.
01:02:40I do it every day.
01:02:41What about Richard?
01:02:43Are you kidding?
01:02:43It's his favorite thing.
01:02:45Two bowls of pistachio-froyo, twin snuggies, and a romantic movie.
01:02:49We cry all night long.
01:02:51Lucky b***h.
01:02:52I know.
01:02:56Diane, I need to tell you something.
01:02:58Please don't be upset.
01:03:00Any conversation that begins with please don't be upset upsets me.
01:03:05I need to start fresh.
01:03:07Get somewhere far away from here.
01:03:09You're moving to the valley.
01:03:12No, I'm thinking of transferring to the New York office.
01:03:15There's a job opening there for a senior litigator.
01:03:18It starts next week.
01:03:19I know you're not going to agree with this.
01:03:20You want to leave and move to New York.
01:03:25We both know I should go.
01:03:27Actually, we don't.
01:03:28I think you're running away from your problems.
01:03:30Please don't make this any harder for me than it already is.
01:03:32I really need to do this.
01:03:34No, you don't.
01:03:35It's an irrational, impetuous, and totally emotionally clouded decision.
01:03:40I need to break this cycle, and I can't do it for Los Angeles.
01:03:45I need to break this cycle, and I can't do it for you.
01:03:47Fine.
01:03:49I'll concede.
01:03:50But only under one condition.
01:03:53Let the negotiations begin.
01:03:55You have to let me have a going away party for you this weekend.
01:03:58Absolutely not.
01:03:59No party.
01:04:00Just a few friends over for drinks at my place.
01:04:01No more than six.
01:04:02Deal.
01:04:03So how are you going to tell Brody that you're moving to the other side of the country?
01:04:20I don't know yet.
01:04:24I could have Richard do it.
01:04:26Brody!
01:04:40And to think he's a cop.
01:04:52Brody.
01:04:52If you were a horse, I'd be obliged to put you down.
01:05:10What time is it?
01:05:12Am I late?
01:05:13Let's just say you're early for lunch.
01:05:15Why don't you get in the shower?
01:05:18So, how long is this going to go on?
01:05:21Just give me five minutes to take a shower, okay?
01:05:24Not the shower.
01:05:25The self-pity and depression.
01:05:27It's been every night this week.
01:05:29Hey, I finally found something I'm good at.
01:05:31Why quit when I've almost mastered it?
01:05:35Well, since you're already down, I've got something else for you.
01:05:38It's an invitation.
01:05:40From who?
01:05:42Diane.
01:05:44She's having a few people over.
01:05:47Is Miles going to be there?
01:05:49Yep.
01:05:51Hey, this is the perfect opportunity for me to smooth things out with Miles.
01:05:55In theory.
01:05:59Was this Diane's idea?
01:06:01Absolutely.
01:06:03So, you'll come?
01:06:05Hell yeah.
01:06:06Now I've got something I'll look forward to.
01:06:12Me too.
01:06:12Me too.
01:06:13I kept it small like you wanted.
01:06:26I asked you not to do anything.
01:06:28This is my compromise.
01:06:31I'll miss you.
01:06:32I'm well aware.
01:06:34I still can't believe you're doing this.
01:06:36Five days on the open road will do me good.
01:06:40Wait till you hit Nevada.
01:06:41You're going to regret that decision all the way to the Statue of Liberty.
01:06:44Brody's here.
01:06:45I'll be in the bomb shelter if anyone needs me.
01:06:46Oh, no.
01:06:47You're not going anywhere.
01:06:48We need someone who can operate a handgun.
01:06:49Hey.
01:06:52Thank you so much for inviting me.
01:06:54It's good to see you.
01:06:56So, what's the occasion?
01:06:58You got a promotion, right?
01:07:04Richard, will you help me, dear?
01:07:06Oh, and bring a shovel.
01:07:08Would you excuse us?
01:07:09He's going to be really busy digging a six by three foot very deep hole out back.
01:07:16What was that about?
01:07:18Justice isn't exactly a party for my promotion.
01:07:21Oh, so you didn't get a promotion?
01:07:23Technically, I did.
01:07:25I guess you could say that.
01:07:26Well, congrats.
01:07:28It's also a going away party.
01:07:31For who?
01:07:36Oh, you're leaving.
01:07:42Where?
01:07:43When?
01:07:46I head out on Saturday morning.
01:07:48Drive across the country to New York.
01:07:51Saturday to New York?
01:07:54And this is how you tell me?
01:07:56Well, Richard was meant to tell you.
01:07:58You asked Richard to tell me.
01:08:02Diane did.
01:08:06How could you leave and not say anything to me?
01:08:11I haven't left yet.
01:08:12Yeah, but you're planning on it, Miles.
01:08:15Why?
01:08:16Because I don't have a reason to stay anymore.
01:08:20I'm not a good enough reason.
01:08:24You tell me, Brody.
01:08:26Look, if this is about the Hunter thing,
01:08:28I told you I did not mean to mess it up for you.
01:08:31I was just, I was trying to protect you.
01:08:33I know that, and I'm not mad about it anymore.
01:08:36I'm the reason I need to leave.
01:08:37I need to grow up and stop
01:08:39looking for my Prince Charming to come save me.
01:08:42That is what I have been telling you the whole time.
01:08:45Well, then I agree with you.
01:08:50So you think that
01:08:51going to New York is what's going to make you happy?
01:08:55So start.
01:08:58Well, then
01:08:59I guess that's that.
01:09:02I guess so.
01:09:32Oh, baby.
01:09:33Oh, baby.
01:09:35I wanna take you on the west coast.
01:09:39I light your fire down on each side.
01:09:44So I can make you fall in love with my smile.
01:09:49Cause, baby.
01:09:52Should I get down on the knees?
01:09:56And, baby, I've ready, I've ready, I've used.
01:10:00Get you another one?
01:10:13Nah, I'm good, thanks.
01:10:25I'm mad at you.
01:10:27I know.
01:10:30But being that I'm your only friend now, and your partner at work, I figure you're going
01:10:34to have to get over it pretty quickly.
01:10:39You knew that was a going away party.
01:10:42I'm sorry I didn't tell you.
01:10:45But I figure you deserve to hear directly from Miles.
01:10:48Plus, if I had told you, you wouldn't have come and said goodbye.
01:10:51You don't know me.
01:10:52It's like we never even met.
01:10:56You know, he's right.
01:10:57It is better for both of us if he just leaves.
01:11:01Well, you certainly know what's best.
01:11:04I'm not like Miles.
01:11:05I don't need anyone.
01:11:07It's true.
01:11:08You're not miserable at all when he's gone.
01:11:11Miles is a hopeless romantic.
01:11:13I mean, all he wants is someone to love him.
01:11:16Yeah, so unreasonable.
01:11:18And plus, he's a people pleaser.
01:11:20I mean, all he cares about is the guy he's with.
01:11:23That's horrible.
01:11:24I can see why guys would hate that.
01:11:25Miles is like a penguin.
01:11:26I mean, he will bond to you, and he's dependable and trustworthy.
01:11:31I'm really starting to hate that guy.
01:11:33I mean, can you imagine if Miles and I were together?
01:11:37Not at all.
01:11:39It's crazy to think that two people who cared about each other as much as you two do would
01:11:43ever, ever want to be in a relationship.
01:11:47Yeah, I know, right?
01:11:49I mean, if Miles were the perfect guy for me, I would have realized that years ago.
01:11:55Absolutely.
01:11:55I mean, there's no way you would overlook something so obvious so long.
01:12:00Exactly.
01:12:03Miles just wants to be married, and all I want is for him to be happy.
01:12:13And I guess the only way for that to happen is to remove you from his life.
01:12:22Yeah.
01:12:24I guess.
01:12:25Remember how it was before, not a care of what life is.
01:12:55Never thought we'd ever want for more.
01:13:05Said we'll always have you and me, my friend.
01:13:13We will always have you and me.
01:13:18I hope you find someone to love you.
01:13:40I hope you find someone to love you.
01:13:42We will always have you and me.
01:13:46Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to bear witness to the matrimony of these two men.
01:14:08This is a relationship that stands for love and loyalty.
01:14:16This is a relationship that stands for honesty and trust.
01:14:20But most important, this is a relationship that stands for friendship.
01:14:28Because before they were lovers, they were friends.
01:14:32And it is this seed of friendship that love was their destiny.
01:14:40One cannot dictate or determine the course of love.
01:14:42For if love finds you worthy, then love directs you.
01:14:51And if there is anyone who has just cause why these two should not join as one.
01:15:03Let him speak now or forever hold his peace.
01:15:24Do you take this man to love, honor, and comfort, and keep in sickness and in health, in sadness and in joy, and cherish and bestow upon him your deepest devotion for as long as you both shall live?
01:15:43I do.
01:15:44Then, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and husband, you may now kiss your groom.
01:16:14I do.
01:16:44Come on, are you kidding me?
01:16:53Oh my god, I can't...
01:17:03Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!
01:17:14There's a really goodêm, come on, come on, come on...
01:17:23You have a good job!
01:17:29You can't take care of the restaurant and sit in the room!
01:17:37Miles, you in there?
01:17:54Miles, you in there?
01:17:56Miles!
01:17:57What are you f***ing kids up to now?
01:17:59I'm sorry to disturb you, sir.
01:18:01Sorry, officer. I didn't realize it was you.
01:18:04You still haven't caught him yet.
01:18:05Have you seen him today?
01:18:07I saw him this morning. He woke me up making a ruckus.
01:18:10I went back to sleep, which I never do, by the way.
01:18:12Damn sciatica kept me up all night.
01:18:15I got one of these dial mattresses.
01:18:18I changed it from a four to a six. Thought that might help.
01:18:21I slept better on my old Sealy.
01:18:23You think they'd let me take this one back? It's only been six weeks.
01:18:26You know, I really have to get to Miles, so if you know where he is.
01:18:31He's gone now. Guess you missed him.
01:18:34Yeah, guess I did.
01:18:36You're going to go after him, aren't you?
01:18:38He's not a criminal.
01:18:42I know that.
01:18:43I ain't blind and stupid.
01:18:46You obviously love him.
01:18:48I do.
01:18:51Then go after him.
01:18:54Don't make the same mistake I did and end up like me. Trust me.
01:18:58Don't just stand there. Go get him.
01:19:02He's going to New York. I don't know where he is. I'm not going to catch up to him.
01:19:07You got a cop car, don't you?
01:19:09Light up that bitch.
01:19:10I've seen him go 200 miles an hour.
01:19:12Tear ass down that freeway.
01:19:14Don't let him get away.
01:19:15Okay.
01:19:17Okay.
01:19:20Okay.
01:19:23Crazy kids.
01:19:24I'm sorry for getting you out of bed so early for this.
01:19:38Who needs sleep on a Saturday morning?
01:19:41Besides, this is fun.
01:19:43Just like those movies Diane makes me watch.
01:19:45Look, I have to catch up with Miles before it's too late.
01:19:48Do my favor. Call him. See where he is.
01:19:49No way. That is not how it's done.
01:19:53Miles is a romantic.
01:19:54We have to catch up with him.
01:19:55It's the element of surprise that we win a match.
01:19:57Yeah, and what if we don't make it there, Tony?
01:19:59Trust me on this one. I know how it's done.
01:20:01You always get the guy in the end.
01:20:07Calling doesn't seem like such a bad idea now, does it?
01:20:11It always works in the movies.
01:20:17So what now?
01:20:19I don't know.
01:20:21It usually doesn't turn out this way.
01:20:26I'm too late, aren't I?
01:20:32Might as well head back.
01:20:33I know your plans with Diane.
01:20:37Let me call her and let her know I'll be a little late.
01:20:39I'll be in the car.
01:20:40Okay.
01:20:40Okay.
01:20:49This better not be an I can't make it today call.
01:20:57No, no, I'll be there.
01:20:59Small emergency.
01:21:01I'll just be a little late.
01:21:02Well, hurry so you can start making it up to me.
01:21:03And don't forget your uniform.
01:21:06Especially the nightstick.
01:21:08Bye.
01:21:08Richard's going to be a little bit late.
01:21:20Keep me company for just a bit more.
01:21:22I got 3,000 miles ahead of me.
01:21:24Now all I'm going to be able to think about is you and Richard playing cops and robbers.
01:21:27You should see me trying to resist arrest.
01:21:30I really need to go.
01:21:32I just wanted to help you clean up.
01:21:33Say goodbye.
01:21:34Let's have a mimosa for the road.
01:21:37No one should drive into the middle of this country without at least one drink in them.
01:21:41You're awful.
01:21:42I know.
01:21:42You're awful.
01:22:12Especially those in love.
01:22:19Where the hell have you two been?
01:22:21You brought the squad car.
01:22:23Nice touch.
01:22:27We drove to Nevada this morning.
01:22:29We're trying to catch up with Miles.
01:22:30Nevada.
01:22:32Why are you trying to catch up with Miles?
01:22:33Brody wants to talk to him.
01:22:35He doesn't want him to leave.
01:22:36Well, you just missed him.
01:22:38Obviously.
01:22:40You and your detective skills.
01:22:41I mean, he was just here.
01:22:42He left a minute ago.
01:22:44Hey, we can still catch him.
01:22:47You can't call him.
01:22:48That's not the way it works.
01:22:49I know.
01:22:50I've been trying to tell him that.
01:22:52I just can't.
01:23:02Hi.
01:23:03Hi.
01:23:03This is Miles.
01:23:04Can you see me a voicemail?
01:23:05Straight to voicemail.
01:23:20He's right there.
01:23:22Go.
01:23:30Go.
01:23:31Go.
01:23:32Are you crazy?
01:23:38Move.
01:23:39Are you kidding me?
01:23:39Stop.
01:23:40Get out of my way.
01:23:42I need to leave.
01:23:44Miles.
01:23:44No.
01:23:46Let me go.
01:23:48Move.
01:23:53Why are you all doing this to me?
01:23:58There's nothing you can do to make me stay.
01:24:00Is that supposed to change my mind?
01:24:12That was the idea.
01:24:13It didn't.
01:24:14I can't do this with you anymore.
01:24:21I've got to do what's right for me now, and that's getting away from you.
01:24:26You may not need someone, but you deserve someone, and I want to be that person.
01:24:31You're not capable of having a relationship.
01:24:33What have we been doing the last ten years?
01:24:35I may not be the Prince Charming that you imagined, but you know I would slay a dragon for you.
01:24:44It's not enough, Brody.
01:24:46What else is there?
01:24:50Trust?
01:24:50Love?
01:24:52Companionship?
01:24:52Respect?
01:24:54We don't have all those things.
01:25:03Well, then I guess I'll have to make this easy for you.
01:25:05Because you don't have a choice.
01:25:07I'm sorry, what?
01:25:10I'm glad you're here because I need a lawyer.
01:25:12Would you please tell me if this is still legally binding?
01:25:14I charge $700 an hour.
01:25:19Fine, I'll do a pro bono.
01:25:21Let me see.
01:25:25I'm sorry, it's not legally binding.
01:25:27It states that this becomes effective on Miles' birthday.
01:25:31Unfortunately, that's not until tomorrow.
01:25:34Well, then.
01:25:35I guess we'll just have to wait 12 hours.
01:25:37We can put him under house arrest until the contract is due.
01:25:40I can leave this perp in your custody.
01:25:43Well, how's the law?
01:25:46I'm so glad that everybody's made the decision about what I should do.
01:25:51Does anybody want to know what I think?
01:25:58Yes.
01:26:00Of course.
01:26:01I think that after waiting 10 years, I deserve a proper kiss.
01:26:07Thanks.
01:26:07I'm so glad that you're calling me.
01:26:25you're calling me why well i always call you after i hook up with a hot guy
01:26:40how was it let me put it like this i'm gonna have to call you back
01:26:46because i'm about to do it again it was that good
01:26:49oh yeah and by the way happy birthday miles it certainly is
01:27:19you
01:27:49you
01:28:19you
01:28:20you
01:28:49oh let the music play
01:29:19just say the words and you'll change
01:29:49you
01:29:50you
01:29:52you
01:29:54you
01:29:56you
01:29:58you
01:30:00you
01:30:02you