#aetin# #out #gay #homosexual #party #fiesta
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00:00:00Coming!
00:00:10Who is it?
00:00:12Phone service, ma'am.
00:00:16Phone service, ma'am.
00:00:20Hi.
00:00:22Howdy, ma'am.
00:00:24The phone, it's in my boudoir.
00:00:30It works fine, ma'am.
00:00:36Does it?
00:00:40You didn't call me here for the phone.
00:00:44I did.
00:00:50Where do you think you're going?
00:00:54Maybe this isn't such a good idea.
00:00:56No, you call me here for a reason.
00:00:58Okay.
00:01:00I thought you were cute.
00:01:04You like that, huh?
00:01:06Please.
00:01:08Hold still.
00:01:10Please. Stop. This isn't funny.
00:01:12It's not funny to call in if you pull in trouble and waste my time.
00:01:14You're scaring me.
00:01:16You're right, bitch.
00:01:18No!
00:01:20I've got a stun gun in here!
00:01:22Go for it.
00:01:30No!
00:01:32No!
00:01:34No!
00:01:35Please no!
00:01:36No!
00:01:38No!
00:01:39No!
00:01:40No!
00:01:41No!
00:01:42No!
00:01:43No!
00:01:44No!
00:01:45No!
00:01:46No!
00:01:47No!
00:01:48No!
00:01:49No!
00:01:50No!
00:01:51No!
00:01:52No!
00:01:53No!
00:01:54No!
00:01:55No!
00:01:56No!
00:01:57No!
00:01:58No!
00:01:59No!
00:02:00No!
00:02:01No!
00:02:02No!
00:02:03Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Did you come? No. Did you? No, I was faking it for you.
00:02:28Well, I was faking it for you. Jesus, I thought... I thought you were coming.
00:02:37I'm sorry. I can't get into it with you, Caleb. You didn't even grab my titties.
00:02:45Well, it didn't occur to me. My titties didn't occur to you? Look at them, Caleb.
00:02:55They occur to every man I meet, but not you. I don't think this is working.
00:03:00I can be meaner.
00:03:01You're too nice. I need a little shake and bake in my life. I need to feel dirty. Filthy.
00:03:08You're so SUV, double coupons, family fun.
00:03:14I'll break stuff next time.
00:03:15Caleb, it's over.
00:03:16Tiffany.
00:03:17Goodbye.
00:03:18I waited 24 days to have sex with you.
00:03:20Well, I didn't want to seem like a slut.
00:03:23Tiffany.
00:03:24Caleb.
00:03:25Leave.
00:03:26I got a Jetta.
00:03:31My belt.
00:03:39Fucking bitch.
00:03:43I'm still not buying it.
00:03:45Give me another chance.
00:03:50I am not a slot machine.
00:03:55Goodbye, Caleb.
00:03:56You're a decent boy.
00:04:02Nice ass.
00:04:04That's the most important thing you can't do.
00:04:09Nice.
00:04:10Yeah, it's not the case.
00:04:11There's no money for me.
00:04:13That's what I need.
00:04:15You can't have enough money to do.
00:04:17But you're getting the money.
00:04:18Yeah, that's what you need.
00:04:20When you're on my mind, because of you, I'm restless.
00:04:23You tease and you play and you leave me insane.
00:04:28I know it's your game, but I play anyway.
00:04:32You touch and you pull, so I have no control.
00:04:37I'm under your spell, there is no letting go.
00:04:42I want you every night till the morning light.
00:04:45Do you want to try?
00:04:47I want you to turn me on till the break of dawn.
00:04:50Make it feel so right.
00:04:51I want you every night till the morning light.
00:04:55Do you want to try?
00:04:56I want you to turn me on till the break of dawn.
00:04:59Make it feel so right.
00:05:01I want you to turn me on till the break of dawn.
00:05:04Make it feel so right.
00:05:05I want you every night till the morning light.
00:05:08Do you want to try?
00:05:10I want you to turn me on till the break of dawn.
00:05:13Make it feel so right.
00:05:14I want you every night till the morning light.
00:05:18Do you want to try?
00:05:19I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you to the break of dawn
00:05:22Make a kid so feel you, son
00:05:24Heterosexuals are a fucked up species
00:05:2624 days, and then one week of me not raping or me enough and I get shat out
00:05:31Almost like a computer, man, you do every little thing right and then wham
00:05:35Sad face, fatal error, 3801
00:05:37For us, sex on the first date is a given
00:05:39You figure out the hardware mismatches and you move on
00:05:41Oh, well, it's just so easy-baked for you, huh?
00:05:44Well, most guys don't know when to stop moving on
00:05:46We should get laid all the time
00:05:47It's like 104 days between dates for me because I don't look like you
00:05:52Like me
00:05:53I'm not going to stroke your gorgeous muscular ego
00:05:57Well, so whatever happened with the Jason thing?
00:06:01Justin, guys around here are like day-old donuts
00:06:05I mean, I eat them because they're there, but you don't want to invest anything in them
00:06:08Well, at least you got the whole box right there, you don't have to starve
00:06:11Caleb, I'm on Friendster
00:06:13My life is so not having sex in the city right now
00:06:17If only I were gay
00:06:20Honey, come out or stay in. Do not hash me into a Mariah
00:06:25I don't mean literally
00:06:27Oh, of course, illiterally
00:06:28You know what I mean
00:06:29You know
00:06:30It's easy for us to get chicks, too
00:06:32Straight girls love gay boys
00:06:35I could get any girl I wanted
00:06:37Shut the fuck
00:06:37Serial killer
00:06:38Remember Marcy Brooks?
00:06:40Shut the fuck, Milkshake Marcy
00:06:45Right after I came out senior year, she offered to hoover me to see if she could cure me
00:06:50You were a geekazoid, no offense
00:06:52Point is, I'm a geek and I could have got Electrolux treatment from Milkshake Marcy
00:06:56Because I'm gay
00:06:57Man
00:06:58Now I really want to be a fag
00:07:03You and Ricky Martin both
00:07:04Oh, Jennifer Seaver
00:07:06Ginny the Beaver, firecrutch
00:07:07Shoves her fist down my pants, full on grabs my corn dog, I swear to god I was going to puke
00:07:16They feel safe with us because we're not a threat
00:07:18Like how they get naked in front of puppies
00:07:20We're just puppies with dicks
00:07:22You know, chicks and their puppies
00:07:24Let them eat them right out
00:07:25I read that McKinsey report
00:07:27My speciality
00:07:28Oh, what I would have done with the beef
00:07:30Impregnated her
00:07:31Got a shit job
00:07:32Ooh, sounds real hot
00:07:34She's not even your type
00:07:36So, you think more girls would go for me if they thought that I was gay?
00:07:45Stop thinking
00:07:46You just look pretty and turn the letters
00:07:49No, but I mean, look, let's get a Sofia Coppola thing straight here
00:07:52Being gay is more than listening to good music and eating low-fat foods
00:07:56There are certain things you have to do to convince the general public
00:07:59Oh
00:08:00We could stage bashing
00:08:03No, what you need to do is find the loudest queen on campus and smoke his pole
00:08:09Now that would be a wrist stamp to pussy's smorgasbord
00:08:12I'm hungry
00:08:22I'm not your bitch
00:08:24Ah!
00:08:25Oh my god!
00:08:26You pricked it, Gwen!
00:08:27You pricked it!
00:08:28I can't believe it!
00:08:29I love you, Gwen
00:08:31And I love you, Joey
00:08:33Ginger Butt
00:08:34Oh honey, that one!
00:08:35So big!
00:08:36I love you, Bunny Cakes
00:08:37And I love you, Ginger Butt
00:08:38Mongoloid
00:08:39Build-o
00:08:40Ooh!
00:08:41This is one that big girl work from!
00:08:42Your girlfriend
00:08:43Oops!
00:08:44I mean, ex-girlfriend
00:08:45Who is that?
00:08:46It's my brother
00:08:47He just got dumped
00:08:48Hard
00:08:49I hate your brother
00:08:50Who told you, you little bitch
00:08:51B cars
00:08:52I know
00:08:53He totally is
00:08:54But it's her pride
00:08:57I hate your brother
00:08:58I hate it
00:08:59I hate that
00:09:00I hate that
00:09:14Who told you you a little bitch
00:09:15I know
00:09:16He totally is
00:09:17All I've hated
00:09:18How Seemed
00:09:18Excuse me, why don't you okay? Why don't I just turn into Gash's form for a minute?
00:09:27Smells like you're already halfway there. Dogs have a heightened sense of smell. Well with an ass that big, it's like blood lights to us
00:09:35These are headlights and I don't plan on breaking. Well keep pedaling because you're almost a busy intersection
00:09:41The intersection is only busy because you are giving half-price blowjobs. All right, what are the rules of this game?
00:09:45I don't know, but you just lost. Loser. Freak.
00:09:50I'm on the phone! He won't leave me alone. Go graze outside. Stop mooching. Go back to college and eat your instant ramen.
00:09:59Mom! Caleb's drinking out of the milk carton!
00:10:02I am not!
00:10:04It's the acidophilus!
00:10:08Caleb, honey? You okay? We heard you got dumb.
00:10:15You're way hot.
00:10:22Your accent's sexy.
00:10:30You're in the homeless people that have accents, huh?
00:10:32I don't like to kiss.
00:10:48You're cheating.
00:10:50Seriously.
00:10:54You can put on my nipples if you want.
00:10:56Come on, give me just a little bit more.
00:11:01You know, kissing is so 1990s.
00:11:04I think I might be...
00:11:24I think I might be gay.
00:11:28Gay?
00:11:29Well, just a little bit.
00:11:32I turned another one?
00:11:33It could be just a phase.
00:11:35Oh, please.
00:11:37Can you list any tracks on Madonna's Like a Prayer album?
00:11:40Um, Express Yourself, Cherish, Oh Father...
00:11:43Vogue?
00:11:44No, honey, Vogue was on Dick Tracy.
00:11:46It's not a fucking phase. You're a full-fledged homo.
00:11:49Jesus, what did I do?
00:11:50Well, didn't you ever suspect? I mean...
00:11:54I am a little...
00:11:56I know what you mean.
00:11:59We're all just people.
00:12:03Just bodies with organic needs.
00:12:08We need satisfaction.
00:12:11We shouldn't deny our bodies.
00:12:15Let's not deny our bodies.
00:12:16I think it's not gonna work this time.
00:12:19I'm pretty gay.
00:12:21I was good enough for you last night, you fucking faggot.
00:12:24Well, you're not being very positive about this.
00:12:26I couldn't be any more positive if I was gang-raped in a repository bin at the Needle Exchange!
00:12:32All I do is help gays come out.
00:12:37So who are you fucking?
00:12:39Well, I haven't had sex yet.
00:12:41Ha!
00:12:42Except with you.
00:12:44And some of the girl.
00:12:46Get out!
00:12:47Can we be like best friends or something?
00:12:49I already have a gay best friend.
00:12:51Yeah.
00:12:53Mark.
00:12:55Is he single?
00:12:56Get out!
00:13:04It's like I'm on a conveyor belt.
00:13:06A little piece of sushi. You know what he wants.
00:13:08You looking for Mr. Right now?
00:13:09Please, I'll settle for Mr. Five minutes ago.
00:13:14Sorry.
00:13:16No crap?
00:13:18Long.
00:13:20Joey!
00:13:22Just remember, every time you suck a dick, every time you poke some boy in the brown eye, just remember that you've eaten pussy!
00:13:32You ate pussy and you liked it!
00:13:35I-
00:13:36YOU CAME!
00:13:37Hey Gwen, who's your friend?
00:13:41Oh jeez!
00:13:46Fare thee well, my fairy fairy.
00:13:49Who was that?
00:13:50I don't know, he's a newborn.
00:13:52No, the girl.
00:13:56Gwen.
00:13:58She looks hot.
00:13:59She's cute.
00:14:00But a total Meredith Brookshead single.
00:14:03Excuse me.
00:14:06Is that her boyfriend?
00:14:09Ugh.
00:14:10No, her roommate, Mark.
00:14:12Love of my life.
00:14:14He's gay and I'm invisible.
00:14:17So all her friends gay or what?
00:14:19She's kind of a fag hag.
00:14:20Oh, I hate that term.
00:14:21Cause you're a woman.
00:14:22Shut up, I am not.
00:14:23You live with me.
00:14:25So she's straight though, right?
00:14:27Yeah, I was just totally in love with Mark.
00:14:28They dated when he was in the closet and we've just been trying to replace him ever since.
00:14:33Doing a real good job though.
00:14:34Keeps dating, thanks.
00:14:36I feel like a turnstile to the white party.
00:14:41Why do you keep doing this?
00:14:43I don't know.
00:14:46They're time bombs, Gwen.
00:14:49It doesn't seem worth it.
00:14:52I met you.
00:14:54Let's not go there.
00:14:56The best thing that ever happened to me.
00:15:01I wanna go home, Mark.
00:15:02Take me home.
00:15:04I just got here.
00:15:05Let's just hang for a bit.
00:15:07I'll do a little damage control.
00:15:09I bet I looked pretty stupid out there.
00:15:17Not at all.
00:15:19Liar.
00:15:21You did look sorta good.
00:15:23I did.
00:15:27You ate pussy!
00:15:28You liked it!
00:15:30Fuck you.
00:15:34I almost made a British guy in a broom closet.
00:15:36But he wouldn't kiss.
00:15:40Maybe your breath was penis-y.
00:15:59Can I make you a drink?
00:16:00Did you want me to make you a drink?
00:16:05Did you want me to make you a drink?
00:16:07I'm gorgeous.
00:16:08Not helpless.
00:16:10It's not a sexist thing.
00:16:11I just thought you might be,
00:16:13you know, stressed out.
00:16:15Just get the fuck out of my way.
00:16:17Sorry.
00:16:19Thanks, hon.
00:16:20You wanna make one for yourself?
00:16:21Fuck you!
00:16:23She just brushed me off with a flamethrower.
00:16:25She's just like that at first.
00:16:26You like them, Butch.
00:16:31Would you stop being a total zit and leave me alone?
00:16:35It's taking so long.
00:16:37Hi, Gwen.
00:16:39You know this guy?
00:16:40Yeah, Caleb.
00:16:41This is Gwen.
00:16:43Sorry, Caleb.
00:16:44It's been a night.
00:16:46Uh, nice to meet you.
00:16:48Caleb's gay.
00:16:55You're gay?
00:16:57Uh...
00:16:59He's kinda new.
00:17:01Oh, honey, that's so sweet.
00:17:03Are you two together?
00:17:05Oh, no.
00:17:06Well, not anymore.
00:17:07We're just roommates.
00:17:09Good.
00:17:10We were never together.
00:17:12Sorry.
00:17:13Sometimes I can be a cut and a half.
00:17:15I thought you were a drunk breeder boy going for the chicken to spare.
00:17:20Your shoes had me fooled.
00:17:21Like I said, he's new.
00:17:30Gwen.
00:17:32Hi, Mark.
00:17:33Kevin.
00:17:35Kyle.
00:17:36Mark, this is Caleb.
00:17:40Hi.
00:17:42It's family.
00:17:43Nice to meet you, Caleb.
00:17:55Oh.
00:17:56Oh, sorry.
00:17:57I'm...
00:17:58I'm totally drunk.
00:18:00No, you're not.
00:18:01You're designated driver.
00:18:02No, I think you're wrong, Gwen.
00:18:04Uh, I was just meeting Gwen and...
00:18:05Are you new here?
00:18:07Oh, he's my roommate.
00:18:08We dated.
00:18:09We...
00:18:10We didn't date.
00:18:11Let's away.
00:18:12Our work is done here.
00:18:14Uh, where are you going?
00:18:15What?
00:18:16Let's give them some room to breathe on each other.
00:18:18I want to talk to her.
00:18:20Not a chance with that around time.
00:18:24So...
00:18:28You stole my boyfriend!
00:18:30He's not your boyfriend.
00:18:31Oh, so now you're gay?
00:18:32This was your idea.
00:18:33You knew how I felt about him.
00:18:34We're not doing anything.
00:18:36You're going on a date.
00:18:37That was his idea.
00:18:38I've been stalking him for years.
00:18:39You decided to be gay for one night.
00:18:41I'm not gay.
00:18:42Why don't you just tell him you like him?
00:18:44That would be as futile as drug testing at the gay games.
00:18:46So you think you're going to get Gwen like this?
00:18:50I don't know.
00:18:55I don't want to go.
00:18:57But he lives with her.
00:18:59I'll get to see her again.
00:19:01And I can just tell her the truth and get this whole thing sorted out.
00:19:05Of course, there goes any chance I had with her.
00:19:08And you live with me.
00:19:11So Mark will have to come here.
00:19:13This could be parfait.
00:19:15Go on a few dates with Mark.
00:19:16The four of us hang.
00:19:18You come to the sad realization that you're straight.
00:19:21You go running to Gwen.
00:19:22Mark comes running to me.
00:19:24Genius.
00:19:26I'll be your, um, goatee.
00:19:28How do you know they'll do that?
00:19:30That sounds etch-a-sketchy to me.
00:19:31No, no, it's parfait.
00:19:32You don't understand human nature the way that I do.
00:19:34I'm a musician.
00:19:36And who got you that date with Tiffany?
00:19:38You hit her with my car on purpose?
00:19:39No, that was just dumb luck.
00:19:41I knew how to take advantage of the situation.
00:19:43Plus, Tiffany lives right next door to them and seeing you date her neighbor would kill her.
00:19:47Okay, one date and we'll see how it goes from there.
00:19:53But no sex stuff.
00:19:55Yeah, try to control yourself.
00:19:56Fuck me or fuck you?
00:20:15You'll actually wear it for, what, 20 minutes?
00:20:18Not with this guy.
00:20:20Because he's Mr. Wonderful.
00:20:23Mr. Yin of my Yang.
00:20:25I talked to him for 15 minutes and I feel like I've known him my whole life.
00:20:31I'll be happy if he likes to kiss.
00:20:34He's probably a freak.
00:20:36When he's around, my heart beats like a trailer park husband.
00:20:40That is so gay.
00:20:44And I mean all three definitions.
00:20:46So what are you doing? Eating out?
00:20:49Richard's having a BBQ for staff in the music department.
00:20:53And then?
00:20:56I don't know.
00:21:02But try not to be here.
00:21:05So then you're eating out.
00:21:07What if he tries to grab me?
00:21:08We're not pirates. We just dress like them. And chase Booty.
00:21:18But he'll be just as nervous as you so try not to punch him if he makes a move on you or anything.
00:21:22I don't think I'd punch him.
00:21:25I think I'd probably just start crying or something.
00:21:28Aww, you got a fagitude.
00:21:31Well, how do I know if he wants to do it? Is there like a code word or something?
00:21:36You mean like homo lingo? We talk normally in English.
00:21:40Ugh, I'm a failed role model.
00:21:41Do I look gay?
00:21:45Like an insatiable bottom.
00:21:50Why'd you say that?
00:21:52Just to fuck with you.
00:21:54It's for you, blow me out.
00:21:57Hello?
00:21:59It's me.
00:22:01Hi, Tiffany. I was just running out the door, but... Hi, Tiffany.
00:22:09So, I ran into Max today.
00:22:13How is that?
00:22:15Well, he's fine and you're gay.
00:22:19That's just, it's...
00:22:21It explains an awful lot.
00:22:23I thought maybe I wasn't attractive enough, but now I see where I stand.
00:22:27Why are you calling?
00:22:30I thought maybe, you know, I could win you back to our team.
00:22:41Sorry, Tiffany. I'm gay now.
00:22:44How could you do this to me?
00:22:47Well, actually, I think you did it to me.
00:22:50What?
00:22:52I think you turned me gay.
00:22:54I did not turn you gay! How could you say that?
00:22:55Well, I mean, don't take it personally.
00:22:58I ain't my person! How else am I supposed to take it?
00:23:01Bastard!
00:23:03Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!
00:23:25You know, it's funny. I used to have one. I had a friend that lived in the same building.
00:23:30I'll be like five minutes, okay?
00:23:32Please, Siegfried and Roy couldn't tame your hair.
00:23:35It's okay.
00:23:36Gwen can keep you company.
00:23:38I'm used to entertaining your tricks.
00:23:40Okay, mute!
00:23:42She's kidding. I haven't had a trick in like so long.
00:23:45I mean, tricks are for kids.
00:23:48I've had dates. It's just...
00:23:52Go powder your nose, babe. The powder that goes on your nose.
00:24:03Hello, and welcome to The Gwynn Anderson Show.
00:24:06Hi.
00:24:07Mind if I couch with you?
00:24:09Sure.
00:24:10So, what's your majorette?
00:24:12Uh, poli-sci.
00:24:14Ooh, brainy smurf.
00:24:16I'm not very good at it, though.
00:24:19Honest.
00:24:21I like you.
00:24:23Thanks.
00:24:25Did you bring condoms?
00:24:27Uh, for...
00:24:29I'm kidding. Relax. You look so tense.
00:24:31How's that?
00:24:38It's nice.
00:24:42When you guys come home tonight, try not to make too much noise.
00:24:46I have to tutor in the morning.
00:24:48I don't think you need to know that.
00:24:50Kidding again. I don't tutor.
00:24:53Make all the noise you want.
00:24:55This girl upstairs has all these guys over and makes them pretend to rape her.
00:25:00She screams and throws things.
00:25:03It really freaked me out.
00:25:05I called the cops the first couple of times.
00:25:07Oh. Huh.
00:25:09Well, it's probably not different guys.
00:25:11It's probably the same guy you know, just different roles.
00:25:14Oh, no. It's different guys.
00:25:16Sometimes there's like three or four of them, and they do this whole gangbang routine.
00:25:20She's all,
00:25:22No! You're doing me all at once!
00:25:25Sick, huh?
00:25:26But, you know, to each your own.
00:25:30My parents think I'm nuts for chasing gay boys.
00:25:34Maybe they'd lighten up if I told them I was into orgiastic splendor.
00:25:40You know.
00:25:42Two guys.
00:25:44One orifice.
00:25:46They call it double dicking.
00:25:48Double dicking.
00:25:52It's pretty weird.
00:25:56So.
00:25:59Caleb.
00:26:04Before you started to go girl, did you ever go girl?
00:26:14Oh, no. I mean, just the thought of it is...
00:26:17Oh. Defensive.
00:26:19Like, not even before you came out?
00:26:22No.
00:26:24Okay.
00:26:26So, sue me, but I have to say it.
00:26:30If you've never tricked with a chick, are you sure you pick dick?
00:26:36Well, I've never done it with a dude.
00:26:40And I, you know, gay.
00:26:43God.
00:26:45You're a virgin?
00:26:47A virgin homosexual?
00:26:50Let me touch you.
00:26:51What about Kyle?
00:26:53Oh, no. We never...
00:26:55Thank God. You just don't look right together.
00:26:58A virgin.
00:27:00You're so cute.
00:27:02How'd you make it past 18?
00:27:04I would've thought some muscle daddy would've looked at you.
00:27:07You're so cute.
00:27:09How'd you make it past 18?
00:27:11I would've thought some muscle daddy would've looked at you.
00:27:14You're so cute.
00:27:16How'd you make it past 18?
00:27:17How'd you make it past 18?
00:27:19I would've thought some muscle daddy would've plucked you from the chicken coop a long time ago.
00:27:26Well, Mark's very gentle.
00:27:29He plucked my cherry.
00:27:31Got nothing to worry about.
00:27:35Okay.
00:27:39Caleb.
00:27:41Honey.
00:27:42If you've never had a boy or a girl, maybe you should try the normal thing first.
00:27:52I mean, why stray down a path of oppression and isolation when happiness might be right here?
00:28:01Have you ever been curious about kissing a girl?
00:28:11A little, maybe?
00:28:16Gwen.
00:28:18Yes?
00:28:20We need to talk.
00:28:22Talk.
00:28:26Am I interrupting?
00:28:28Okay, I tried everything.
00:28:30Total fag.
00:28:31He's all yours.
00:28:33She tries that on everyone.
00:28:36Not that there's a lot of guys.
00:28:38You ready?
00:28:42Sure, whatever.
00:28:47Play with the safety on, boys.
00:28:49Always do, Mother.
00:28:50Would you boys do me a favor?
00:28:55It would so turn me on.
00:28:59What's that?
00:29:01Kiss.
00:29:03I think two guys kissing is so hot.
00:29:06Not in front of you.
00:29:08Please.
00:29:10We haven't even done it in private yet.
00:29:12I mean, we don't even know if we're going there.
00:29:15Think of it as an icebreaker.
00:29:17Caleb.
00:29:20Please?
00:29:22For me?
00:29:24Um, only if it's okay with Mark.
00:29:27Oh, it's okay.
00:29:28Well, great.
00:29:30Great.
00:29:32Great.
00:29:40Please, how's a girl supposed to get off on that?
00:29:42Kiss my grandma like that in her coffin.
00:29:44Gwen, if he doesn't want...
00:29:50...
00:29:51...
00:29:52...
00:29:53...
00:29:55...
00:29:57Wow.
00:29:59That's a way to start a date.
00:30:03How was that?
00:30:05It was great.
00:30:07It was a start.
00:30:09Goodbye, Gwen.
00:30:11Uh, bye, Gwen.
00:30:13Bye!
00:30:15Sexual.
00:30:17Sorry about all that.
00:30:20That's just Gwen.
00:30:22Oh, I totally dig her. She's great.
00:30:25Oh, yeah, I totally love her.
00:30:27If only I was straight, you know.
00:30:29It seems like every time I find the perfect guy...
00:30:32...it's a girl.
00:30:34Straight boys must have it so easy.
00:30:37Uh, I wouldn't say that.
00:30:40Come on.
00:30:41Every girls are everywhere.
00:30:42It's cruel.
00:30:46I'm sorry.
00:30:48Am I making you nervous?
00:30:50Not at all.
00:30:53I'm making you nervous.
00:30:57Nah, it's okay.
00:31:00So, uh, I gotta warn you.
00:31:02They're all music types at this party.
00:31:06Classical musicians.
00:31:08A little offbeat.
00:31:10That is crazy.
00:31:11Yeah.
00:31:16Do you like classical?
00:31:19Hello, sweetheart!
00:31:22Ooh!
00:31:24Who is this?
00:31:26Caleb, this is Richard and his wife Mika.
00:31:29And so the program spelled Beethoven B-E-A-T.
00:31:44So, Caleb, what do you do?
00:31:47Oh, he goes to the U.
00:31:49Wonderful.
00:31:51So how long have the two of you been an item?
00:31:53Ronnie...
00:31:55Please!
00:31:56We kind of just met.
00:31:58Oh, that's so sweet.
00:32:00The two of you look so cute together.
00:32:03Like a couple of Judds or Kalkins.
00:32:06Caleb, have you heard Mark play?
00:32:09No.
00:32:11Well, you must.
00:32:13He's the most talented pianist the school's had in years.
00:32:16It's divine.
00:32:18Mark, you have to play something before you leave.
00:32:22Well, I thought we were going to do Eight Hands, Two Pianos later.
00:32:24Yes!
00:32:25Richard!
00:32:26Set that up!
00:32:31Caleb, why don't you turn the pages for Mark and Winston?
00:32:35Just turn the page as fast as you can when I nod.
00:32:39You'll do fine.
00:32:42Ready?
00:32:47And...
00:32:54turn!
00:33:14Oh!
00:33:18Sorry.
00:34:19That was so cool, man.
00:34:33You guys were awesome.
00:34:35You really had a good time?
00:34:36It was great.
00:34:38That Ronnie's a character.
00:34:39Yeah.
00:34:40Yeah, I have some weird friends.
00:34:44They're fun, though.
00:34:44And you're great on the piano.
00:34:47Well, I'm also a flautist.
00:34:50Just eat less beans.
00:34:53Have you seen this one?
00:34:58I don't think so.
00:35:00It's really good.
00:35:04Your next appointment?
00:35:05Yeah?
00:35:09What are you guys doing?
00:35:10It's just Kyle.
00:35:11He asked about me?
00:35:12No.
00:35:13Well, has he mentioned me?
00:35:14No.
00:35:15What do you want?
00:35:16What are you guys doing?
00:35:18Renting videos.
00:35:20What?
00:35:21I can't believe you're going along with this.
00:35:22Sick.
00:35:24I'm in a video store, so I can't really talk right now.
00:35:27Franco!
00:35:28Hey.
00:35:29I'm at Debbie Milford's.
00:35:30Am I going to have to hang overnight here?
00:35:32Renting a video is code for having sex.
00:35:35You're paranoid.
00:35:36Renting a video?
00:35:38So I am staying the night.
00:35:40Gwen, he's so cute.
00:35:43What else is going to happen?
00:35:44Two gay men sitting on a couch, boring movie, raging, hard on.
00:35:49It's the code.
00:35:49You rent a video, you get laid.
00:35:53Dude, you said there was no such thing as Gaseby.
00:35:56Well, I was wrong.
00:35:56Do not go home with him.
00:35:58Gwen's going to be there.
00:35:59Only if she's a bad fag hag.
00:36:01Gwen, honey, your turn.
00:36:04Just a second.
00:36:06Take your time, sweetie.
00:36:08We have all night long.
00:36:10Caleb, this is so not cool.
00:36:11Nothing's going to happen.
00:36:13Plus, I can tell Gwen's into me.
00:36:15It's working.
00:36:16Of course she's into you.
00:36:17You're gay.
00:36:17Shut the fuck up.
00:36:21God, Gwen.
00:36:22He is so...
00:36:24Well, sweetie, if you don't score, will you please, please, please call me so I can come home?
00:36:29Okay.
00:36:30Swear on your Simon Rex jack-off video?
00:36:32No fair.
00:36:33Look, don't you get vicarious now.
00:36:35If she's not home, then I'm out of there.
00:36:38Keep your hands off my man.
00:36:40I'm hanging up.
00:36:42Okay, he's getting off.
00:36:48So, have you seen any of these?
00:36:58Gwen?
00:37:01Gwen?
00:37:04Hmm.
00:37:05I thought she'd be back by now.
00:37:12Well, at least we have the place to ourselves.
00:37:15Go ahead.
00:37:16Make yourself at home.
00:37:18And when I say that, I mean take off all your clothes and roll around on the floor.
00:37:25Gwen?
00:37:26Gwen?
00:37:26Oh, trust me.
00:37:27If she were here, she'd be all up in our pubes.
00:37:33So, video?
00:37:39Huh?
00:37:39You know, that thing we rented.
00:37:43Oh, yeah.
00:37:45Well, we could watch it.
00:37:48Yeah?
00:37:51Or...
00:37:52Or...
00:37:53Or we could not watch it.
00:37:59Oh.
00:38:00It's up to you.
00:38:03I'm cool either way.
00:38:05It's up to you.
00:38:07Yeah?
00:38:08Oh, yeah.
00:38:17Wow!
00:38:32Bye!
00:38:33Sorry.
00:38:48And that was really good.
00:38:51Yeah.
00:38:54So, uh,
00:38:56Gwen's still not back yet, huh?
00:38:58She usually is by now.
00:39:02It's getting late.
00:39:03Yeah, I'm getting tired, too.
00:39:07Yeah, I should probably...
00:39:12Yeah.
00:39:18Hello?
00:39:19You answered, you fuck.
00:39:21Gwen!
00:39:22What's going on?
00:39:23Because if you were fucking, you wouldn't be answering.
00:39:26And if you're not fucking, then you should be calling me, telling me I can fucking come home.
00:39:30Yeah, Caleb's here.
00:39:32We just watched a video.
00:39:33You actually watched it?
00:39:35Look, Debbie had one of her breathing fits, so they put me in her dead grandma's room.
00:39:41It's really creepy in here.
00:39:44Uh, we thought you'd be back by now.
00:39:46Ha fucking ha.
00:39:48I'm dying La Moira de Loca here.
00:39:50Yeah, maybe he can stay and we can all three hang out some.
00:39:53So, you're that desperate.
00:39:56Hasn't anyone made a move yet?
00:39:58Yeah, the movie was great.
00:40:00God, Mark, let me talk to him.
00:40:03What?
00:40:04Put him on.
00:40:04Let me get the balls rolling.
00:40:08Um, she wants to talk to you.
00:40:11Really?
00:40:13Yeah.
00:40:14Here he is.
00:40:15Mark, don't fucking waste this.
00:40:16Hello?
00:40:23Hi, Caleb.
00:40:25How was the date?
00:40:27Um.
00:40:29Oh, I guess you can't answer because he's right there.
00:40:32Yeah.
00:40:32Okay.
00:40:35Let's play a game.
00:40:37Do you want to play with me?
00:40:39Okay, sure.
00:40:40I'll try to figure it all out while you just say yes or no, okay?
00:40:45Yes.
00:40:46Good start.
00:40:48Hmm.
00:40:50Have you done anything?
00:40:53No.
00:40:54Are you nervous?
00:40:57Yes, definitely.
00:40:59But are you excited?
00:41:00I guess.
00:41:04Very excited?
00:41:07I don't know.
00:41:11Could you get very excited?
00:41:15Yeah.
00:41:16Is this exciting you?
00:41:21Yes.
00:41:22I can make you less nervous.
00:41:25Close your eyes.
00:41:26Huh?
00:41:27Come on, just play along.
00:41:29Close your eyes.
00:41:32Okay.
00:41:34Closed?
00:41:35Yes.
00:41:37Tight?
00:41:39Yes.
00:41:41Now lean back.
00:41:44Very...
00:41:46Slowly.
00:41:47Slowly.
00:41:52Okay.
00:41:55Do you like my voice?
00:41:56Yes.
00:41:58It's comforting, isn't it?
00:42:00Yes.
00:42:01I like yours, too.
00:42:04It's sexy.
00:42:07Is mine sexy?
00:42:09Yes.
00:42:11Do you feel sexy?
00:42:13Do you feel sexy?
00:42:18Yeah.
00:42:20Now, just feel your heart pumping the blood through your body.
00:42:29I can feel mine.
00:42:32Can you feel it?
00:42:34Yes.
00:42:35Feel it traveling from your heart, through your chest, up and down, your arms, legs, and your fingers and toes?
00:42:51Can you feel it?
00:42:56Yes.
00:42:58Is it going faster?
00:43:00Yes.
00:43:01Is it getting warmer?
00:43:04Yes.
00:43:06What kind of shirt are you wearing?
00:43:10Um...
00:43:10I mean, is it a pullover?
00:43:13No.
00:43:14Does it button up?
00:43:17Yes.
00:43:17Do you want to unbutton it?
00:43:22Yes.
00:43:23Open the top button.
00:43:27Okay.
00:43:28Keep your eyes closed.
00:43:32Is it open?
00:43:33Yeah.
00:43:35Are your eyes still closed?
00:43:37Yeah.
00:43:39I want you to breathe with me.
00:43:42Try and match my breathing, okay?
00:43:44Okay.
00:43:45Hey, hey, hey, man.
00:44:04Oh, sorry.
00:44:06You scared me, man.
00:44:08Caleb, what's going on?
00:44:10Uh, nothing.
00:44:13Did Mike touch you?
00:44:15Yeah.
00:44:17Did he hurt you?
00:44:20No.
00:44:21Did it feel good?
00:44:25I don't know.
00:44:26This is embarrassing, man.
00:44:27Yes or no.
00:44:28Did it feel good?
00:44:31I don't know.
00:44:33Lie down, Caleb.
00:44:35What are you doing?
00:44:36Do you want me to hang up?
00:44:38No, no.
00:44:39Are you lying down?
00:44:41No.
00:44:45Yes.
00:44:49Eyes closed?
00:44:54Yes.
00:44:57It's okay, you're a virgin.
00:44:59I'm not going to let anything happen that you don't want, okay?
00:45:04Okay.
00:45:05You want to stop you to say so, okay?
00:45:07Okay.
00:45:08Do you want me to hang up?
00:45:11No.
00:45:13Okay.
00:45:17Breathe slowly.
00:45:21Deeply.
00:45:23Just like before.
00:45:24Is your shirt still open?
00:45:32Yes.
00:45:36Ask Mark to massage your neck.
00:45:42Go on.
00:45:46Mark?
00:45:47Uh-huh.
00:45:52Will you massage my neck?
00:45:54Please.
00:45:55Please?
00:45:59Don't open your eyes now.
00:46:02I want your entire world to be only my voice.
00:46:05Okay.
00:46:06My voice.
00:46:08His hands.
00:46:13Is he doing it?
00:46:15Yeah.
00:46:18Does it feel good?
00:46:23Yeah.
00:46:25Used to do that to me.
00:46:28It feels really good.
00:46:33Yeah.
00:46:37Keep breathing with me.
00:46:42Do you like hearing my breathing?
00:46:45Yes.
00:46:46It's kinky, isn't it?
00:46:48Yes.
00:46:50Are you turned on?
00:46:53Yeah.
00:46:54I'm so turned on.
00:46:57Do you mind?
00:46:58No.
00:47:00Do you want me to stay on the phone?
00:47:03Yeah.
00:47:05Are you hard?
00:47:07Yes.
00:47:08What's he doing?
00:47:13Kissing my neck.
00:47:14Does it feel good?
00:47:16Yes.
00:47:18Is his mouth warm?
00:47:21Oh, yeah.
00:47:23Tell him to unbutton your shirt.
00:47:27Unbutton my shirt.
00:47:29Please.
00:47:30Please.
00:47:31Please.
00:47:31Please.
00:47:31Please.
00:47:31Please.
00:47:31Please.
00:47:31Please.
00:47:31Please.
00:47:33Please.
00:47:35Please.
00:47:35Please.
00:47:36Please.
00:47:37Please.
00:47:38Please.
00:47:39Please.
00:47:40Is he doing it?
00:47:43Does it feel good?
00:47:46Yeah.
00:47:48Oh.
00:47:49Caleb.
00:47:50Yeah.
00:47:52Are you still excited?
00:47:54Yeah.
00:47:56What's he doing to you?
00:47:58Oh.
00:47:58Oh, licking my stomach.
00:48:03Does it turn you on?
00:48:06Yes.
00:48:07Tell him to unbutton your pants.
00:48:10But...
00:48:11You're having fun, aren't you?
00:48:13Yeah.
00:48:15Do you want to lose your virginity with me?
00:48:20Yeah.
00:48:22You're raging hard, aren't you?
00:48:25Yes.
00:48:26A nice, wet mouth would feel so good right now, wouldn't it?
00:48:33Oh, yeah.
00:48:35Tell him to unbutton your pants.
00:48:37Unbutton my pants.
00:48:38Please?
00:48:39Please.
00:48:44Okay, Caleb.
00:48:46I really want to make you feel good.
00:48:50Do you want to feel good?
00:48:52Yeah.
00:48:53Say it.
00:48:54I want to feel good.
00:48:57Beg for it.
00:48:59Make me feel good.
00:49:02Please.
00:49:11What's he doing?
00:49:12His mouth.
00:49:14Is he sucking you off?
00:49:16Uh, yeah.
00:49:17You like that?
00:49:22Yeah.
00:49:24Does it feel good?
00:49:25Yeah.
00:49:27Do you want him to stop?
00:49:28No.
00:49:29Do you want to come?
00:49:30Oh, yes.
00:49:32Oh, yes.
00:49:32Oh, my God.
00:49:35Oh, fuck.
00:49:37Jesus.
00:49:38Do you want me to come?
00:49:39Oh, yeah.
00:49:40I'm gonna come.
00:49:41Yeah.
00:49:42I'm gonna come.
00:49:44Oh.
00:49:46Fuck.
00:49:46Oh.
00:49:47Oh.
00:49:48Oh.
00:49:49Oh.
00:49:49Oh.
00:49:49Oh.
00:49:50Oh.
00:49:50Oh.
00:49:50Oh.
00:49:51Oh.
00:49:51Oh.
00:49:53Oh.
00:49:53Oh.
00:49:55Let me get you a towel.
00:50:09So, how was your first time?
00:50:19Fuck.
00:50:23I don't even know.
00:50:25Did it weird you out to have a girl on the phone?
00:50:30No, not at all.
00:50:32You're kinky.
00:50:37I like you.
00:50:40I like you, too.
00:50:41You're dirty.
00:50:43I'm filthy.
00:50:47Where's Mark?
00:50:48Uh, getting a towel.
00:50:51Did he come?
00:50:53Uh, I don't know.
00:50:56Well, it's safe for me to come home now, anyhow.
00:51:00I'll be there soon.
00:51:02Uh, uh, okay.
00:51:03Goodbye.
00:51:13Here.
00:51:15Thanks.
00:51:22Mind if I get off?
00:51:25Huh?
00:51:27I can take care of myself.
00:51:29Just sit there.
00:51:30Uh, so, Gwen said she's on her way.
00:51:46Uh.
00:51:51I like your TV set up.
00:51:52It's really high-tech and stuff.
00:51:55Thanks.
00:52:17I didn't do anything.
00:52:19You did good.
00:52:23You want this?
00:52:30You got it pretty wet.
00:52:33I don't normally...
00:52:35What?
00:52:39You make that much?
00:52:43I should go.
00:52:45Yeah, sure.
00:52:47Thanks.
00:52:51Yeah, you're welcome.
00:52:55I'll call you.
00:52:57Yeah, call me.
00:52:59I could swear it was your voice
00:53:03You whisper softly to me
00:53:07So perfectly
00:53:09So very clear
00:53:13I know you didn't know it
00:53:17I know I'm such a fool
00:53:19You weren't even there
00:53:23But I was with you
00:53:27Visions of you
00:53:29Dancing with me
00:53:31Drive safe
00:53:33You too
00:53:37Visions of you
00:53:39Do you see what I do
00:53:41I'm dreaming of wishes
00:53:43Wishing of dreams
00:53:45You're living
00:53:47With visions of you
00:53:51Visions of you
00:53:53I know you're
00:54:21Wish I had your cell. I would have called instead of stopping.
00:54:40No, I'm glad you stopped. You want my cell?
00:54:43Absolutely.
00:54:44Let me get mine.
00:54:48Let's fast forward through the small talk.
00:54:50I want to know how it went.
00:54:55Went?
00:54:56You just made it with your first guy.
00:55:04Aren't you happy?
00:55:07I'm confused.
00:55:09Didn't it feel good?
00:55:14Oh. Shut up. I was too pushy.
00:55:20Honey, Mark's a good guy. The best. You're in good hands.
00:55:30It's just too much to...
00:55:31Too soon?
00:55:33No, it's not that. It's just...
00:55:35We're just people. Just bodies with organic needs.
00:55:39We need satisfaction. We shouldn't deny our bodies.
00:55:48Are you turned on?
00:55:51No. That's just...
00:55:52You're still turned on.
00:55:56You've had a boner since you left Mark.
00:55:58No.
00:55:59Don't be embarrassed.
00:56:01That's what happens the first time you do it.
00:56:04You just want to do it again.
00:56:10Do you mind me doing this?
00:56:13No.
00:56:13How about this?
00:56:24Well...
00:56:25Well, I mean...
00:56:26I mean, don't you think we should...
00:56:28You know, we're in public.
00:56:30I think it's sexy that you're worried about Mark.
00:56:33But it seems to me that he didn't do his job.
00:56:36Calm down.
00:56:44No, it's just that...
00:56:46Suck that.
00:56:48Don't give me any of that strictly gay shit.
00:56:52Who needs friends that won't fuck friends?
00:56:57Eat it, little gay boy.
00:57:00Yeah.
00:57:03That's your perineum.
00:57:04You're such a fag.
00:57:09Why are you back so late?
00:57:11Can we talk about this in the morning?
00:57:12Caleb, fucking A, what happened?
00:57:14Did you do it with Gwen?
00:57:16Sort of.
00:57:17Well, did you talk about me?
00:57:20Caleb!
00:57:22Hello?
00:57:34Good morning.
00:57:55Uh, wait for the beat.
00:57:59Tell me something I don't know.
00:58:00This is for Caleb.
00:58:03You're probably sleeping.
00:58:05I just wanted to say I had a great time last night.
00:58:07Really.
00:58:08So, I just wanted to call,
00:58:09because lots of guys have a thing about calling,
00:58:11where you don't call,
00:58:12and kind of just wait and see who calls first.
00:58:14And, well, I didn't want to.
00:58:16Oh, jeez.
00:58:17I sound really stupid.
00:58:19Anyway, call me.
00:58:21Mwah.
00:58:22Okay, bye.
00:58:23What the fuck?
00:58:26Shit.
00:58:29Kyle, I'm sorry.
00:58:31It...
00:58:31Fuck you.
00:58:32Kyle, it's not what you think.
00:58:43Uh, wait for the beat.
00:58:45Tell me something.
00:58:46Hello?
00:58:47Oh, shit.
00:58:48It's Mark.
00:58:49I'm sorry.
00:58:50Did I wake you?
00:58:52No, I just got your message.
00:58:55God, I feel like a stalker.
00:58:57I just realized I didn't leave my number
00:58:59and thought I'd call and leave it on your machine.
00:59:01I didn't think you'd answer.
00:59:02No, that's fine.
00:59:05Well, it's nice to talk to you anyhow.
00:59:08I'm sorry.
00:59:09Were you busy?
00:59:09No, just...
00:59:11recovering.
00:59:26You must be one fucker who a fuck.
00:59:32That was him.
00:59:41Mark's the asshole type.
00:59:44He normally fucks and moves on,
00:59:46but I guess with you, I mean,
00:59:48who wouldn't want to
00:59:49keep you around?
00:59:52How could you fucking do this to me?
00:59:59It's not fair.
01:00:00It's not like you two...
01:00:00You don't even know, do you?
01:00:04You're so stupid.
01:00:05I invited them over for dinner.
01:00:10Here?
01:00:13Great.
01:00:15You guys want to make out in front of me?
01:00:17Want to screw in my bed?
01:00:19I invited Gwen, too.
01:00:21We're all going to sit down and tell the truth.
01:00:24And just...
01:00:25Just what?
01:00:28Huh?
01:00:31Things are so simple
01:00:32in your simple little world, aren't they?
01:00:36Well, it doesn't work that way, Caleb.
01:00:39Things are more complicated
01:00:41than just sitting around
01:00:42telling people how you really feel.
01:00:45I'm just trying to fix things here, okay?
01:00:46Well, you're doing a Fabio job so far.
01:00:48Just say you'll come to dinner.
01:00:57Okay.
01:00:58Fine.
01:01:00I'll be there with balls on.
01:01:04You're not planning on cooking, are you?
01:01:08Well, I wasn't going to ask,
01:01:09but since you brought it up...
01:01:10Fine.
01:01:11I'll cook.
01:01:18I'm not that stupid.
01:01:23I do know.
01:01:26If I work eight, even a little,
01:01:30it'd be you.
01:01:31All right, I won't go.
01:01:56Tell him I have consumption.
01:01:58I shouldn't have done that last night.
01:01:59It was hot.
01:02:04It was fucked up.
01:02:07You should have seen him.
01:02:09He flew out here like a Seminole Meat Loaf album.
01:02:12He seemed to like it on the phone.
01:02:16That's what's so fucked up about it.
01:02:21Are you jealous?
01:02:23No.
01:02:25You're jealous?
01:02:27I am not.
01:02:28This is so great.
01:02:31It's finally the other way around.
01:02:34Do you know how many boys have fucked me just to get to you?
01:02:37Shut up.
01:02:39You're scared I could be hurt.
01:02:43Maybe I just will.
01:02:45I need to practice.
01:02:46I'll take that as a challenge.
01:02:48I can't hear you, babe.
01:02:52I know something you don't know.
01:03:01What the hell are you making?
01:03:04Sausages.
01:03:05Big.
01:03:05Fat.
01:03:06Sausages.
01:03:08Dude, people don't eat sausages.
01:03:09You're supposed to make like spaghetti or some shit.
01:03:11Fine.
01:03:12You want to cook?
01:03:13No.
01:03:14I mean, I've never seen you make sausages before.
01:03:17Well, I'm trying something new.
01:03:19It wasn't too much.
01:03:21Well, I invited some friends over too.
01:03:22Go get the door.
01:03:23This isn't a cager, bro.
01:03:25This is like serious.
01:03:26Who did you invite?
01:03:27Like they said to Anne Frank, why don't you answer the door and find out?
01:03:33Oh, Jesus, it's you guys.
01:03:39I brought this for you.
01:03:42Cool, it's yellow.
01:03:47And some wine.
01:03:49Oh, awesome.
01:03:51All we got is beer.
01:03:53Cool.
01:03:53This is the part where you invite us in.
01:03:58Oh, geez.
01:03:59I'm sorry.
01:04:00Come in.
01:04:01Kyle's in the kitchen.
01:04:04Honey, this is how you do it.
01:04:07Ha, ha.
01:04:10Funny.
01:04:11I get it.
01:04:14So, Caleb, Mark thinks that...
01:04:16Hey, Gwen.
01:04:18Mark?
01:04:19Did you offer them beverages?
01:04:21Oh, you want some?
01:04:22I'll pour some drinks.
01:04:24Will you show me where the glass is at?
01:04:29So, what do you think?
01:04:32Oh.
01:04:34I think, um...
01:04:36I think you're a really nice guy.
01:04:39That's all.
01:04:41Thanks.
01:04:43I've got to go to the head.
01:04:47We need to talk.
01:04:49Dude!
01:04:49Dude!
01:04:49I want you to be honest.
01:04:54I've got to talk about an hour.
01:04:55You're taking a leak.
01:04:57Please, I've seen it.
01:04:59How you doing, man?
01:05:00My God, what are those?
01:05:02Dinner.
01:05:04Is this some kind of ethnic thing?
01:05:07Mark, I think you're really cool.
01:05:12What?
01:05:14What?
01:05:14Is there something with you and Kyle?
01:05:20No, it's definitely not that.
01:05:22Nice to meet you.
01:05:23Oh, shit.
01:05:26Don't say anything.
01:05:28Okay?
01:05:29What's wrong?
01:05:29Hi, Mom, Dad, Jamie.
01:05:41Oh, this is Mark.
01:05:42Mark, my family.
01:05:43I was just showing Mark the flusher thing.
01:05:45It's broken.
01:05:46Yeah, the Bobby thing.
01:05:47It has to stay on top.
01:05:49It's called the ball cock.
01:05:51Well, nice to meet you, Mark.
01:05:53Are you gay?
01:05:55That's rude.
01:05:56Oh, please.
01:05:57I don't mind.
01:05:58Kyle, I think you need my help in the kitchen.
01:06:03I'm going to circumcise your fucking neck.
01:06:10All right, look.
01:06:11I know this looks fucked up.
01:06:12You're going to look fucked up.
01:06:13But we can't do it your way.
01:06:14We can't just tell them.
01:06:16They won't give either one of us the time of day.
01:06:17I just didn't much at stake here, okay?
01:06:19Kyle, those are my fucking parents.
01:06:22This is my life, you know, my real life.
01:06:23Calm down.
01:06:24Just calm down, all right?
01:06:25Uh, Gwen, Mark, could you guys come in here for a sec?
01:06:32Well, that's us.
01:06:41Okay, what's the Kim deal?
01:06:42Okay, Caleb's not out to his parents yet.
01:06:44No shit.
01:06:46Of course they don't know.
01:06:48Should we leave?
01:06:49No, I think that would look too weird.
01:06:50It already looks pretty fucking weird.
01:06:52No, no, no.
01:06:53I got it worked out.
01:06:54Gwen, pretend to be with Caleb, and Mark can be my date.
01:07:00What?
01:07:01Just until dinner.
01:07:02Until after they leave, and then everything is back to normal.
01:07:04Everything cool in there, dudes?
01:07:06Very cool, Mrs. Peterson!
01:07:09Now you sit next to Caleb and Mark with Mark.
01:07:17Oh, I get it.
01:07:21Well, if you need anything...
01:07:22Let's go meet Mr. and Mrs. Roper.
01:07:24Peterson.
01:07:30So those were very interesting sausages, Kyle.
01:07:35What flavor exactly is white jello?
01:07:37Oh, it's just the way that it's...
01:07:38You know what it looks like?
01:07:39It looks like...
01:07:40So when did you meet this lovely young lady?
01:07:44Uh, at a party last week.
01:07:45Right after the Tiffany ordeal?
01:07:48Tiffany.
01:07:50You never mentioned Tiffany.
01:07:52Tiffany was a bitch.
01:07:53I liked her.
01:07:54She was cute.
01:07:55So how did you meet each other?
01:07:57Was it across a crowded room?
01:07:59Uh, she was screaming, and I saw her.
01:08:02Screaming?
01:08:03I was so surprised he wasn't gay.
01:08:06Oh, you must get that a lot, hon.
01:08:09I mean, living with Kyle and your haircut.
01:08:12So, Mark, when did you meet Kyle?
01:08:14I hope we're not being too personal.
01:08:17Kyle's like a second son to us.
01:08:19Or a daughter.
01:08:21It's a small world, young lady.
01:08:23I know.
01:08:24Celebrate our diversity.
01:08:26We met at the same party.
01:08:32It's his music.
01:08:34It's really good.
01:08:35I don't know, it's Kyle's shit.
01:08:38Oh.
01:08:39Who is this, Kyle?
01:08:40Oh, it's mine.
01:08:42My old stuff, but my new stuff's better.
01:08:46Kyle's a composer.
01:08:48Didn't he mention it?
01:08:49No, he hasn't mentioned much.
01:08:53Isn't his work beautiful?
01:08:55Yeah, it's nice.
01:08:58You in the music school?
01:09:00Yeah.
01:09:01I never noticed you around.
01:09:03Well, you're classical.
01:09:04I'm jazz.
01:09:05You know how they are.
01:09:06Yeah.
01:09:11Well, this is really good.
01:09:13It's always nice to know what's going on in your lives, boys.
01:09:17But isn't it a little early to be meeting the parents?
01:09:20I mean, you hardly seem to know each other.
01:09:23I just thought this would be nice, you know, all of us together.
01:09:26One big family.
01:09:27Better than Springer.
01:09:30Is there something you want to tell us?
01:09:33We're here for you, son.
01:09:36Just wanted to have dinner, no interior motive.
01:09:40Ulterior.
01:09:40I knew that.
01:09:41I didn't invite anyone else.
01:09:45Honest.
01:09:46I hear you have phone trouble, Miss Thing.
01:09:58That's Mr. Miss Thing to you.
01:10:03Tiffany?
01:10:04You little hoes, Hopper!
01:10:08Why don't you come join us?
01:10:10Go, Miss Mortician.
01:10:11Little Wednesday.
01:10:12I'm sure this would be awkward for Gwen.
01:10:15I don't mind.
01:10:16I want to see this.
01:10:17You know, you guys seem really nice.
01:10:38Oh my God, Gwen, don't.
01:10:40Caleb, honey, I'm going to do you a really big favor.
01:10:43Oh, shit.
01:10:44You'll hate me now, but you'll love me later.
01:10:46Gwen, please, shit.
01:10:48Mr. and Mrs. Peterson, your son is gay.
01:10:57Fag, you're it.
01:11:00I turned him gay, but I can turn him back.
01:11:03No fag facts.
01:11:04Please, with that word.
01:11:06Mark and Caleb are boyfriends, and I'm just Mark's roommate.
01:11:10You're a reality show without a camera crew.
01:11:16We're not boyfriends yet.
01:11:24We've only been on one date.
01:11:25I told you.
01:11:27Son, how did we manifest our homophobia?
01:11:31Must have been horrible living with us.
01:11:33Straight this, straight that.
01:11:35I'm sorry you needed all of this to face us.
01:11:38I'll call Tammy at P-flog first thing.
01:11:41We'll go to meetings.
01:11:44Jamie, hon, is there something you wanted to tell us?
01:11:47I don't think I'm a lesbo.
01:11:49I experimented once.
01:11:53Son, give me a hug.
01:12:03Caleb, hug your father.
01:12:06You're still my son, and I love you.
01:12:18This is so beautiful.
01:12:20Barf, you should see them on anniversaries.
01:12:23I love you, Caleb.
01:12:25I love you, Mom.
01:12:26I love you, Dad.
01:12:28Come on, family hug.
01:12:33Love you, Gabriel.
01:12:34Come on, I said family hug.
01:12:38We're all family here.
01:12:40Well, come on.
01:12:44Oh, what the fuck?
01:12:45But I'm mad.
01:13:03I'm so proud of you, son.
01:13:14Take good care of my boy.
01:13:16Yes, sir, Mr. Peterson.
01:13:18I bet he will.
01:13:20I bet he will, too.
01:13:22No offense, Kyle.
01:13:24Next time we're eating out.
01:13:26Come on, hon.
01:13:27Let's go.
01:13:27Back to Stepford.
01:13:36Do you think I'm stupid?
01:13:37No.
01:13:38Not you, hon.
01:13:40Kyle, I know what's going on.
01:13:42You're acting like a baby.
01:13:43I didn't think that you're...
01:13:44Well, it's time to make a change in your lifestyle.
01:13:46Okay, babe.
01:13:48This is one of the reasons I get called a bitch.
01:13:51Because I tell it like it is.
01:13:53Kyle, reality.
01:13:56Reality, Kyle.
01:13:58You are not in Mark's league.
01:14:01I mean, you're not a total canine,
01:14:03but you are a...
01:14:04K-5.
01:14:05Gwen, come off it.
01:14:06Mark's not a K at all.
01:14:09Your chances of ever scoring with someone like Mark?
01:14:12Zero.
01:14:13Nothing.
01:14:14El nacho.
01:14:15Gwen, stop.
01:14:15Live with it.
01:14:17Move on.
01:14:35What?
01:14:36He pulled a dirty fucking trick.
01:14:37That was harsh.
01:14:39Well, would you?
01:14:40Would you, Mark Everhart,
01:14:43ever go out with Kyle...
01:14:45What's his nuts?
01:14:48Maybe.
01:14:51She's right.
01:14:52You wouldn't ever.
01:14:53I would too.
01:14:54You don't know me.
01:14:55He is not a nice person.
01:14:57He was trying to split you guys up.
01:15:00I blame him and those who harbor him.
01:15:02You can't possibly be that stupid.
01:15:04You don't belong to a frat.
01:15:05I'm not stupid.
01:15:06I'm not stupid.
01:15:06Look, go talk to him.
01:15:13Kyle is a really nice person.
01:15:15He's amazing.
01:15:17Why aren't you with him?
01:15:19I would be in a second, but...
01:15:22But what?
01:15:24I'm listening.
01:15:25It's complicated.
01:15:27Christ, now you're talking like a straight guy.
01:15:29Um...
01:15:31Oh, shit.
01:15:38You fucking heterosexual liar!
01:15:41Gwen, I'm sorry.
01:15:42You pretended to be gay?
01:15:44I had sex with my best friend?
01:15:46Came out to your parents just so you could fuck me?
01:15:55I guess.
01:15:55I can't believe I let you fuck me!
01:15:59You fucked her?
01:15:59You fucked him?
01:16:04That's the sweetest thing that anyone's ever done for me!
01:16:11I'm really sorry, dude.
01:16:15Hey, someday I'll look back on all this and...
01:16:18think it was really hot.
01:16:21Me too.
01:16:25I'll talk to him.
01:16:29Hey.
01:16:30You hurt him?
01:16:31I will seriously fuck with your shit.
01:16:34Back at you with her.
01:16:36Oh, please.
01:16:36Fuck all y'all shit.
01:16:48Go away.
01:16:51Caleb, it's me.
01:16:53Oh.
01:16:55Oh, my God.
01:16:58May I?
01:17:00Sure.
01:17:05So I guess...
01:17:06Caleb told you...
01:17:08Yeah.
01:17:10I guess he and Gwen are...
01:17:12Yeah.
01:17:15Okay, listen.
01:17:16I don't...
01:17:16I don't think I can handle
01:17:18Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall,
01:17:20Let's Be Friends speech.
01:17:21Good.
01:17:24Because I don't know one.
01:17:28I knew your name was Kyle.
01:17:31Huh?
01:17:33At the party.
01:17:35I called you Kevin, but...
01:17:37I knew you were Kyle.
01:17:39I knew you were in the music school.
01:17:50Why do you do that shit?
01:17:53I don't know.
01:17:54I guess it's kind of fucked up.
01:17:57Damn straight.
01:17:59Why stop at one?
01:18:01I don't know why I do it.
01:18:06It sounds stupid.
01:18:07Why?
01:18:14To make you want me.
01:18:17That is stupid.
01:18:18It's true.
01:18:20Isn't it painfully obvious?
01:18:24What, by the way,
01:18:25you always look away
01:18:26whenever I walk into a room
01:18:27and whisper something to your friends
01:18:29the second you think
01:18:30I'm not paying attention?
01:18:33What, by the way,
01:18:34you always come up and talk to Gwen
01:18:35and not me?
01:18:37Come on.
01:18:39You're too good for me.
01:18:41Like they said,
01:18:42you know how the system works.
01:18:44The system sucks.
01:18:45Life is so good
01:18:47And you remind me
01:18:53of someone I want
01:18:55used to be
01:18:58I've always loved your music.
01:19:00I went to your recital.
01:19:07They told me someone came.
01:19:14Please tell me you like to kiss.
01:19:15I love it.
01:19:22Okay, so I know
01:19:23I might just be a rebound
01:19:24or a really shitty cancellation prize
01:19:26or you're just really looking
01:19:28for an ego boost
01:19:28but whatever it is
01:19:29I'll take it.
01:19:33You're so weird.
01:19:34I don't know if you want to back
01:19:35And here it might be
01:19:41of someone I want
01:19:43You to be
01:19:45of someone I want
01:19:48Does that turn you on
01:19:50as much as it does me?
01:19:54Huh?
01:19:54I thought so.
01:19:55I won't be
01:22:54I think everybody's gone now.