Frasier Season 2 Episode 16 The Show Where Sa M Shows Up
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00:00Well, that's our show for today. Don't forget Bob Bulldog Briscoe's up next, and...
00:05Oh, yes. This is KACL Cash Call Week.
00:11$5,000 if you answer your phone with the phrase that pays.
00:15So when your phone rings, don't say hello. Say, well, blow me down!
00:21No, no, no, no, just, um, say, um, KACL's, uh, talk of the town. Talk, talk of the town.
00:26Whatever. Bye-bye.
00:27Sam! Sam!
00:32What are you doing here, Tom?
00:38Uh, well, I'm here interviewing for a job.
00:42The Mariners need a pitching coach, and they gave me a call.
00:46They did? Yeah.
00:47Well, I mean, that's great, but...
00:49Come on in, come on in.
00:52This is all right? You're off the air?
00:54Oh, yeah, it's fine.
00:55Frasier, I gotta go. Your messages are on my desk.
00:58Whoa, who is this?
01:02I, uh, I'm, uh, Sam Malone. I was, uh, buddy of Frasier's in Boston.
01:07This is, uh, Ross Doyle.
01:09So, this is the Sam Malone you've always talked about, the one who has no respect for women and treats them like dirt.
01:17Anyone to show you around Seattle?
01:21Well, you know, tell you the truth, I'm all right with the city, but I get real lost in my hotel room.
01:27Oh, boy. Just look at the two of you, face to face.
01:33Imagine wild animals all over the Northwest are lifting their heads, alerted to the scent.
01:39Lyra?
01:40Well, if you need any company, give me a call. Here's my number.
01:45Oh, thanks. That's a snazzy card.
01:47Yes, glows in the dark.
01:48So do I.
01:49So, uh, how's everybody at Cheers?
01:57Yeah, oh, wow.
01:58Uh, well, let's see, uh, you know that Rebecca, uh, finally married that, uh, plumber.
02:05Yeah, yeah, that's ironic, isn't it?
02:07You know, she spent all her energy trying to land some rich guy, she ends up with an ordinary plumber.
02:11Well, yeah, that ordinary plumber struck gold.
02:15He's got a patent on some low-flow toilet thing.
02:18He is rich beyond her wildest dreams.
02:22Well, heck, I'm happy for her.
02:24Well, don't be. He dumped her.
02:29She's back at the bar.
02:31Working at Cheers again?
02:33No, she's just back at the bar.
02:38Hey, you know, here's some good news.
02:39Uh, Woody and Kelly, they had a, they had a baby boy.
02:43Oh, that is wonderful, but...
02:46Is he?
02:48No, he's smart.
02:50Smart.
02:56Genetics takes a holiday, huh?
02:58Yeah.
02:59Well.
03:00So, Sam, you want to continue this over some lunch?
03:02Yeah, I'd like that.
03:04So, are Norm and Cliff still holding up the bar?
03:06Uh, well, Norm is, but, uh, Cliff hasn't been in for a while.
03:09Yeah.
03:09Well, evidently he read this article about flesh-eating bacteria, and he hasn't left his mom's house since.
03:17You know, there's a good side to that, though, because, uh, a lot of people that haven't been around for a while are starting to come back to the bar.
03:24Hey, daft, Sam was a major league ball player. Put out the good china.
03:37Oh, yes, and while you're at it, don't forget the limoge spittoon.
03:45Well, as far as I'm concerned, Sam Malone's the most important person ever to set foot in this apartment.
03:50I don't understand this American obsession with sports figures. They're also superficial.
03:57Yeah, it's not like they do anything real important, like sit on a throne or christen ship.
04:04Hey, Niles, why didn't you bring Maris tonight?
04:07I'm supposed to ask Maris to spend an evening with a baseball player?
04:12Why didn't I just ask her to rub my shoulders?
04:19Here we are, Sam.
04:20Whoa, wow, look at this.
04:23Man, you got quite a babe magnet here.
04:27Oh, Sam Malone!
04:30Hey, I'm Marty Crane. I'm one of your biggest fans.
04:34Yeah, I was at the Kingdome the night you gave up four consecutive home runs.
04:41I'll bet you remember that, don't you?
04:43No, actually, I don't. You see, I was doing my drinking phase.
04:47Did I hit anybody? Did I hurt them?
04:51No!
04:52Oh, hey, well, that was a good game.
04:56Hey, Sam, this is my chair. You want to sit in it?
04:59Oh, yeah, well, maybe later.
05:02I'll keep it warm for you.
05:08Oh, Sam, this is my brother, Dr. Niles Crane.
05:12Pleasure to meet you.
05:13Oh, yeah, you too.
05:14Wow.
05:16Man, this is freaky.
05:17He looks just like you did when I met you.
05:22What happened, huh?
05:26Wasn't exactly a health club you were running there, Sam.
05:33This is strange, I gotta tell you.
05:35See, I didn't know he had a brother.
05:37Frasier, I don't mind telling you, I'm a little offended that in all the time you spent swapping
05:46Bon Moe with a beer nut set, you never once mentioned you had a brother?
05:52No, you know, the truth is, I bet he said something.
05:54It's just that when Frasier gets going, you kind of have to tune him out.
05:59The slogan for his radio show, Dr. Frasier Crane, when he gets going, you have to tune him out.
06:04Hey, what did he tell you about me, Sam?
06:09The father, the old cop.
06:12Uh, he told me you were dead.
06:17Dead?
06:18Well, we had had an argument.
06:20He called me a stuffed shirt and hung up on me, I was mad.
06:25You're a cop?
06:26Yeah.
06:27He told me he was a research scientist.
06:31You were dead, what did it matter?
06:34Oh, oh, oh, oh, Daphne, Daphne, uh, this is Sam Malone.
06:45Sam, this is Daphne Moon, Dad's physical therapist.
06:48Whoa, it's a pleasure to meet you.
06:51Daphne's from England.
06:53Yeah, yeah, boy, I've always been a sucker for the English accent.
06:56No matter what you say, it always sounds so, so classy and sophisticated.
07:01Oh, uh, you've got to run at the side of the thing.
07:07That kills me every time.
07:09Hey, well, let me get that for you.
07:11A pretty lady like you shouldn't spend her whole evening in the kitchen.
07:14Oh, I don't know.
07:16I don't think it's me, Winston.
07:18I don't know.
07:19Is it my imagination, or is Sam flirting with Daphne?
07:28Well, of course he's flirting with her.
07:30He flirts with everybody.
07:32He can't help it.
07:33He's a sexual compulsive.
07:34But he's getting help for it in the support group.
07:37Oh!
07:38Oh, my God.
07:40Did he miss a meeting?
07:52Hello?
07:54You'd like to speak to Sam?
07:56Uh, well, who's calling, please?
08:01Sheila?
08:02Um, yes, well, um, he's not here right now, but I'm expecting him soon.
08:11No, number two.
08:12Oh, I'm sorry.
08:13I'm sorry.
08:14I was mistaken.
08:16He was here, but he left.
08:24Well, yes, I'll give him the message.
08:28I'm sorry, Sam.
08:29I'm a little out of practice.
08:30So, uh, who's Sheila, hmm?
08:39It's just the, uh, woman I'm supposed to marry.
08:43Marry.
08:45When?
08:47Uh, oh, boy.
08:49Um, yesterday.
08:53Yesterday.
08:55Yeah, I don't want to talk about it, Frasier.
08:57But Sam.
08:58Frasier, please.
08:59Just.
09:01Oh, wow.
09:03Hey, something sure smells yummy here.
09:05Oh, wait a second.
09:06I think it's me.
09:07Oh.
09:09He was a, um, the smell of that.
09:12Yes.
09:12Come on, Sam, one more.
09:18All right, all right.
09:19Let's see.
09:20Uh, 1949, Yankees, initials, V, R.
09:25Vic Brashy.
09:26Oh, my God.
09:27You're great.
09:28You know, he's amazing.
09:29All you have to do is give him the city, the date, and the initials.
09:33Gets it every time.
09:34That's very similar to a game Frasier and I play.
09:37Uh, uh, uh, uh, I'll go first.
09:39Okay.
09:401962.
09:41Prague Philharmonic, viola section, initials, CM.
09:45Chancellor Miklovik.
09:46Wrong.
09:47Wrong.
09:48Wrong.
09:48No.
09:49No.
09:50No.
09:50I'm sorry.
09:51I'm sorry.
09:52Miklovik was first viola the year before, but by 62, he developed rosin poisoning and was
09:57no longer able to pluck.
09:58Oh, damn.
09:59That's a trick question.
10:06Well, I'm off to bed.
10:09Thanks, Sam.
10:11The chair's all yours.
10:14Come on.
10:19Oh, yeah.
10:23Good night, all.
10:24Good night, Dad.
10:26I'll be turning in, too.
10:28Pleasant dreams.
10:29Yeah, well, no problem, lad.
10:34Well, guess I'd better be getting back to my Maris.
10:37Clock strikes 12 and she hasn't felt my kiss upon her forehead.
10:41She gets nervous.
10:42Sam, it's been a pleasure meeting you.
10:45Yeah, yeah, you too.
10:46Hey, listen, you want to really put a smile on Maris' face.
10:50Let me tell you what she did.
10:51Okay.
10:51Exactly where am I supposed to find whipped cream and a car battery at this hour?
10:59You got neighbors, don't you?
11:13Well, Sam, now that everybody's gone, there was something I wanted to bring up.
11:19I just, what, what is it?
11:20What is it?
11:21Oh, yes, yes.
11:22I remember.
11:22What the hell do you mean you were about to get married?
11:27All right, all right.
11:30Well, I met this girl six months ago and we were supposed to get married.
11:36And yesterday I was standing in this church facing this minister and I hear him say,
11:42will you take this woman to be your wife?
11:46And I said, who, me?
11:51Well, the next thing you know, I'm running down the aisle.
11:54I didn't stop running until I got here.
11:57So you're not in Seattle because of the Mariners?
12:00Believe me, no ball player is in Seattle because of the Mariners.
12:03All right, all right.
12:07Look, look, Sam, come, let's have a seat here.
12:11Start this thing from the very beginning, you know.
12:15Who is this woman?
12:17Oh, she's a terrific person.
12:19She's smart, she's funny, she's horny.
12:22I mean, she's just the kind of chick you want to stick up on a pedestal.
12:27You know, Sam, it's always amazed me how you can elevate and demean in the same sense.
12:33Well, how do you think she found me here?
12:42I mean...
12:42Well, it's my guess, Sam, that you left a lot of clues as to where you were because
12:47basically you wanted her to find you.
12:49I have a feeling that you actually want to marry this girl.
12:59Yeah, I don't know.
13:00Look, look, Sam, all that happened was you panicked.
13:03It's perfectly natural.
13:05You know, the wedding ceremony represents the end of your old life.
13:11I'll tell you, man, she's one in a million.
13:15You know, for most guys, that's just an expression.
13:19You know, Sam, I have a feeling that you are finally ready for a commitment like this.
13:32I think you ought to get on that phone and call her.
13:35What would I say to her, though?
13:37Well, just tell her you panicked and ran.
13:39Tell her the truth.
13:40I mean, after all, honesty is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship.
13:49Come on, you know, thank you.
13:51You know, it's time I stepped up to the plate and stopped acting like a kid.
13:56Absolutely.
13:58She's the only question now is, will she still take you back?
14:02She actually forgave him?
14:17Yes, yes, more than that.
14:18She's on her way here on the plane right now.
14:20They're going to get married in Hawaii.
14:22Same old story.
14:24Love triumphs over Roz.
14:27Oh, Roz, don't be a sore loser, will you please?
14:30Look, I invited them here on their way in from the airport.
14:33I remember my wedding day, standing at the altar, feeling faint, shaky, sweating.
14:39Maris was so distraught, thinking I might have cold feet.
14:42Never forget how relieved she was to learn it was just a congenital heart murmur that would
14:46plague me for the rest of my life.
14:50Hey, everybody.
14:52Oh, so well.
14:53Here she is, the future Mrs. Sam Malone.
14:58Sheila, this is Frasier.
15:00Hello, Frasier.
15:01It's nice to finally meet you.
15:02Sheila, likewise.
15:04This is Roz and Niles.
15:07Congratulations.
15:09Well, you want to sit down?
15:10I'll get her some coffee or something.
15:12You know, actually, Sam, it was sort of a long flight.
15:15I was hoping maybe to go back to the hotel and freshen up.
15:19Well, all right.
15:20Yeah, whatever.
15:21Hey, will you join us for dinner about 8 o'clock?
15:24Sure.
15:24Right.
15:25Right?
15:25Great.
15:26All right.
15:26Uh, well, I guess we're off to Fresh Apple.
15:33Oh, my God.
15:36She was cute, but she's not an oh, my God.
15:41No, no, no.
15:42Not that oh, my God.
15:44Oh, my God.
15:45I slept with that woman three months ago.
15:47You slept with her?
15:53Yes.
15:54On what desert island with no hope of rescue was this?
16:02I was in Boston for a long weekend.
16:05And I was feeling a little depressed, so I took solace in the arms of a beautiful and remarkably welcoming young woman at a hotel bar.
16:18And that was she?
16:20No, Niles.
16:22I told you that for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
16:26Of course it was she.
16:27Did you see the way she ran out of here the minute she saw me?
16:30Ah, yes.
16:31The trademark of all your bedmates.
16:32Wait a minute.
16:39Three months ago, didn't Sam say they'd been together for six months?
16:44Well, it looks like this horse race is on again.
16:49Oh, put the weapon down.
16:52Stop it, Roz.
16:54Have you no scruples whatsoever?
16:56You're the one who slept with your friend's fiance.
16:58I didn't know that at the time.
17:00Surely you have to tell Sam about this.
17:02Oh, what?
17:03And ruin our relationship as well as theirs?
17:06What I've got to do is actually I've got to speak to her first.
17:10Hear her side of this story.
17:11I mean, after all, there are hundreds of reasons why people have affairs.
17:15Roz, want to get us started?
17:19Niles.
17:20Well, there's got to be some explanation.
17:22Maybe they stopped seeing each other for a couple of weeks.
17:25Maybe Sam cheated on her and she was just doing it to get even with him.
17:28Well, maybe she just found me completely irresistible.
17:32Oh, yeah, that's it.
17:34Oh, all right.
17:35You struggled there.
17:36Hello, Frasier.
17:47Hello, Sheila.
17:49Good to see you again.
17:51Sam, you are one lucky guy.
17:54He stopped getting our plane tickets.
17:56Oh, good.
17:57Look, you have some explaining to do, young lady.
18:00Okay, okay.
18:01Wine?
18:02Oh, thank you.
18:03Look, first of all, I know this is an excuse what I did,
18:10but I had no idea that you were a friend of Sam's.
18:14I'm a sexual compulsive.
18:17That's how Sam and I met in group.
18:24Look, that night I spent with you, I guess I just kind of fell off the wagon.
18:30But it was terrible.
18:32I felt awful afterwards.
18:35It ended up being a kind of a turning point for me.
18:40That's how it is with addiction.
18:42Before you get better, you have to hit rock bottom.
18:45Yes.
18:52Well, I'm glad I could be down there for you.
19:02Listen, Frasier, I'm human.
19:05I made a mistake.
19:06Can you understand that?
19:08Oh, of course I can understand, Sheila.
19:12And I sympathize.
19:13I've had many patients that share your affliction.
19:16Although to date, you're the only one I've met that can hit the emergency button of an elevator with a stiletto heel.
19:25I want you to know that I love Sam, and I'm going to do everything I can to make this marriage work.
19:31Well, you certainly do seem sincere about this.
19:36I think in all good conscience I can support this marriage.
19:40But I want you to know, if you start to feel yourself slipping, here's my number.
19:48No, no, no, so I can help you as a psychiatrist.
19:54Oh, and I think it's probably best if we don't tell Sam about the two of us.
20:03Agreed.
20:03It's not that I have a guilty conscience or anything.
20:06I'm back.
20:07Yeah!
20:11You all right?
20:15Got a little charley horse, Sam.
20:18Did you get the tickets, Sam?
20:20Yeah, I did.
20:21They're right here.
20:24I'm so happy.
20:25By this time tomorrow, we'll be Mr. and Mrs. Sam Malone.
20:31Hello.
20:32Um, yes, I want to talk to you about that.
20:38Fraser said something the other day that really stuck in my mind.
20:43Well, that's a first.
20:44What did I say?
20:46You know that thing about honesty being something of something?
20:52It was pro-honesty.
20:54Being the cornerstone of a good relationship?
21:01Right, right.
21:02Yeah, well, that really stuck in my mind.
21:05To tell you the truth, I haven't really been honest with you, Sheila.
21:11What do you mean?
21:15Listen, when we get married, I want us to have a clean slate, sweetheart.
21:20You know, boy, I hope you can forgive me for this.
21:24Uh, but a few months ago, I had a slip.
21:30Actually, it was two slips, but they happened simultaneously, so I'm coming to my room.
21:35Was this after you were engaged?
21:42Uh, actually, it was that night.
21:45I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm so sorry.
21:53Listen, it has not happened since, and I swear to God, it will not happen again.
21:58Sam, I forgive you.
22:01You do?
22:01Actually, I'm relieved, because I have something that I need to confess to you.
22:07You're not the only one who slept.
22:11I think it's time you guys had a little privacy.
22:15No, no, Fraser, you're responsible for getting us this far.
22:19Now, we have no secrets.
22:22All right.
22:25Who?
22:27Well, that, that's what makes it so tough.
22:31It was someone from Cheers.
22:33Oh, you know, I just remember, I, I parked in a loading zone.
22:37I better...
22:37Sam, I slept with Paul.
22:41Paul?
22:44Short, bald, fat, bald.
22:49I didn't say he was good.
22:53Well, are, you know, all right, that, I, I understand that.
22:57You were giving Paul a, a break or something, you know?
23:01I can forgive them.
23:03This is what this is all about, isn't it?
23:05Forgiveness?
23:05Yeah, yeah, sure, okay.
23:07Okay, you told one, you told one.
23:09That's great, you're all even, Stephen.
23:10Let's go eat.
23:13There was someone else.
23:15Well, are we still on this?
23:19Jesus, I mean, there is honesty and there's beating a dead horse.
23:26It doesn't matter.
23:27I don't care.
23:28It doesn't matter who it is.
23:29It doesn't matter.
23:30Yes, it does matter, Sam.
23:32I mean, this one is really embarrassing.
23:35I was lonely, I was desperate, and I, I'd just been to the eye doctor and my pupils were dilated.
23:45Oh, Sheila, for God's sake.
23:47Oh, look, I'll tell him what she's trying to say.
23:50It was Cliff.
23:51I believe she said Cliff.
24:04Cliff?
24:06Cliff, you, you slept with Cliff?
24:11Cliff?
24:12Oh, no, no, that's it.
24:14Wedding's off.
24:15No, Cliff, out of here.
24:21Well, Frasier, you, you gotta help me.
24:23You've gotta talk to him.
24:27I slept with a woman who slept with Cliff?
24:30Oh, boy.
24:40It's gonna be a long flight home.
24:42Well, I know it was painful, Sam, but you made the right decision.
24:48Yes, well.
24:51See, Cliff.
24:55You're just using Cliff as the excuse.
24:58Both know there were more compelling reasons for you to back out of this thing.
25:07No, it was Cliff.
25:14You know, Sam, to put this thing aside once and for all, I, uh...
25:19You realize you're probably the only friend I have who she didn't sleep with?
25:28Cliff.
25:31Cliff.
25:33You know, that is a tough one to swallow, huh?
25:37But, you know, the important thing is that you prove to yourself you're ready for a commitment, even if, uh, Sheila wasn't the one.
25:47Yeah, I suppose so.
25:50Yeah, in a way, we're...
25:51We're both in the same boat.
25:55Yeah, what do you mean?
25:57Well, you know, we've tried.
26:00We failed.
26:04But we'll try again.
26:07That's sad.
26:08We're looking for a meaningful relationship.
26:10Yeah, you know, that's it.
26:11That's the word, right there.
26:13Meaningful.
26:14We're gonna find it, though, buddy, I tell you.
26:16Yeah, you bet we will.
26:17You know, a stewardess is usually hanging out at that airport bar.
26:26That sounds meaningful, huh?
26:28All right.
26:28Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:43Mercy.
26:45And maybe I seem a bit confused.
26:47Well, maybe.
26:49But I got you pegged.
26:50Ha, ha, ha, ha.
26:53But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
27:00They're calling again.
27:04Thank you!