Frasier Season 2 Episode 3 The Matchmaker
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00:00Oh my god! Fire! Fire!
00:07Eddie! Eddie! Where are you, boy?
00:11Dad, wake up! Dad, are you in there?
00:14Eddie! Here, Eddie!
00:16Dad! Dad, where are you?
00:18Have you seen Eddie?
00:19No! What's burning? Where is the fire?
00:23Eddie!
00:24Alright! It's alright! False alarm!
00:28Sam, the one over me bed went off.
00:31Thank God.
00:32And don't worry about Eddie. He's back in my room.
00:36God, the noise the bloody thing makes.
00:39It would be less upsetting to just wake up on fire.
00:44What the hell triggered it?
00:46Who knows?
00:47I was dozing quite peacefully when it started screaming away for no reason at all.
00:56I see.
00:58What are we here?
00:59Eddie?
01:00You've been smoking in Daphne's bedroom. Bad dog.
01:05No, I know.
01:07You have a no-smoking rule. I'm sorry.
01:10But every now and again, I feel a bit tense.
01:13And I find you sing it can be very soothing.
01:17Oh, yeah. It's real soothing.
01:18It should only be about an hour until my heart stops fibrillating.
01:22Oh, it figures. 3 a.m.
01:27Of course, this will happen on the night before I have an early morning meeting.
01:33Daphne, aren't you going back to bed?
01:35No, I'll just sit up for a bit. I'm feeling a bit blue.
01:42Anything you'd like to talk about?
01:44No. No, you need your sleep. It's nothing important.
01:48Just this feeling that me life's a gaping sinkhole and I'm just marking time while the flower of me youth rots on the vine.
01:57Well, so long as you're sure.
02:09Really wish you'd tell me about it.
02:13Well, if you must know, it's me love life.
02:18Really? You've been seeing a man?
02:21Only when I close me eyes and concentrate.
02:23I see you're going through a bit of a drought, eh?
02:30Small wonder.
02:32The rare times I do go out, it's usually with your father.
02:37People see us and assume I'm his daughter or else his girlfriend.
02:42Either way, it's like having the own personal can of stud repellent.
02:46Yes, well, I know how bleak these times can be, but believe me, they come to an end sooner or later.
02:55You know, I remember a time back in Boston.
02:57I was going through exactly what you're going through now.
03:00Just a week later, I met a lovely barmaid.
03:05Sophisticated, if a bit loquacious.
03:07We fell madly in love.
03:11We got engaged.
03:14Of course, she left me standing at the altar, but the point is, I didn't give up.
03:21I took my poor, battered heart and offered it to Lilith.
03:24Put it in her little Cuisinart and hit the puree button.
03:36I rebounded, and look how far I've come.
03:41I'm divorced.
03:43Lonely.
03:45Living with my father.
03:46You know, I figured I'd find you here.
04:09You know, you missed your meeting with the new station manager.
04:12Oh, no, I completely forgot.
04:13God, you look like you've been ridden hard and put away wet.
04:20Well, I was up all hours of the night with Daphne, competing to see which of us had the more pathetic love life.
04:26On the bright side, I won.
04:30Well, I know what your problems are.
04:32What are Daphne's?
04:34Daphne, oh, she's just having trouble finding men.
04:39Say no more.
04:40No, Ross, Ross, no, please, really, it's not necessary.
04:43You do not have to donate one of your boyfriends to Daphne.
04:48Please, I'd be happy to.
04:50Still, one hates to break up a collection.
04:56There you go, triple espresso.
04:58My mocha latte.
05:00Do those chocolate shavings look different to you?
05:02No.
05:03Well, they do to me.
05:04I think they've switched to an inferior domestic brand.
05:12Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
05:15Waxy.
05:19Spinbachman.
05:20He's an aerobics instructor.
05:22I don't think so.
05:23Oh, oh, this one's perfect.
05:25Gunther Dietrich.
05:26Oh, he's loads of fun.
05:28And he's a runway model.
05:29A German narcissist.
05:31There's an appealing combination.
05:32Okay, I'll keep looking.
05:38Looking for what?
05:40I'm helping Fraser find a man for Daphne.
05:48What?
05:51Here we go.
05:52Here we go.
05:52He's a tennis instructor, and his name is Brick.
05:55Dear God, Fraser, Sven, Gunther, Brick.
06:00Why not just lather Daphne up with baby oil
06:03and hurl her over the wall of a prison yard?
06:13Excuse me, but I've dated all these guys.
06:15Well, where do you think I came up with the imagery?
06:17Well, listen, you little titmouse.
06:25All right, now, listen, Niles.
06:26You are completely out of line here,
06:27and Ross, he does have a point.
06:30You and Daphne are entirely different kinds of women.
06:34While Daphne is very shy and inexperienced,
06:37you're more, well, a lot more.
06:39Well, actually, be hard-pressed to find anyone who isn't one.
06:42Oh, I get it.
06:44Not one man I've ever dated is good enough for Miss Daphne.
06:47Is that what you're trying to say?
06:48No, that is what I'm trying not to say.
06:51You're not making it very easy.
06:53Well, I'm out of here.
06:54Oh, Ross, please, wait.
06:56No, I can't stay.
06:57The fleet is in.
06:58And this concludes our test of the emergency broadcast system.
07:20Had this been a real emergency,
07:25your radio would be melting in your hands.
07:33We'll be right back after these messages.
07:37In the future, please keep your disgusting,
07:41half-eaten food off my console.
07:43In fact, just stay out of my sight.
07:45Oh, you're still mad at me, I can tell.
07:48Oh, there's that keen sensitivity
07:50that keeps you in such demand with the ladies.
07:57Look, Ross, I'm sorry if I insulted you earlier,
08:00but the truth is I feel very protective about Daphne.
08:04The kind of man I'm looking for has to be
08:06good-looking, smart, successful.
08:09Excuse me.
08:11Oh, yes.
08:12I'm Tom Duran, the new station manager.
08:14Oh, Tom.
08:16It's a pleasure to meet you.
08:17I'm so sorry about missing the meeting this morning.
08:20I slept right through it.
08:21Oh, yeah, me too, and I was there.
08:24Say, that's a beautiful tie.
08:27Oh, thank you.
08:28Yes, I got this in London at one of those custom shops.
08:31It's just off of Sloan Square.
08:33You know, I just came from London.
08:35I spent the last five years there working for the BBC.
08:37Really?
08:38Yes, I love London.
08:41The museums, the theater.
08:43Oh, yeah, I'm a big theater buff.
08:45Three shows a week.
08:46I hated leaving.
08:48I can imagine.
08:49Why did you?
08:50Well, I just kind of went through a messy breakout.
08:53I thought I'd sleep better with a continent between us.
08:57Yes, I know the feeling.
09:04So, I take it then you are unattached?
09:08Uh, yes, but I haven't given up hope.
09:11Well, you may have come to the right place.
09:15Really?
09:16Yes.
09:18You say you are very fond of the English.
09:20Oh, yes, very much.
09:21You know, I think I've always had a weakness for people who are just a little eccentric.
09:26Really?
09:27Fifteen seconds.
09:29Well, listen, it was nice meeting you.
09:30Likewise, huh?
09:32Oh, say, Tom, this may sound like short notice, but if you're not busy Saturday, why don't you come by my place for dinner?
09:39Nothing fancy.
09:40Well, thanks.
09:40I'd like that.
09:41Great.
09:41Hello, Seattle.
09:46We're back.
09:47Roz, whom do we have up next?
09:50We have James from Tacoma Online One.
09:53Hello, James.
09:54I'm listening.
09:56Well, I'm glad you're listening.
09:58Hey, Roz.
09:59Oh, hey, Tom.
10:01Well, you know, it's the same every job I take.
10:03Word spreads like wildfire.
10:06Oh, what's that?
10:08Oh, you know, you tell one or two people you're gay, and before you can blink, it's all over the station.
10:16Well, they don't call it broadcasting for nothing.
10:19He seems like a nice guy.
10:24Oh, he's okay.
10:26Oh, I hope he's more than okay.
10:27He just asked me out on a date.
10:37Frasier just asked you out on a date.
10:39Yeah, well, he asked me to do his place for dinner.
10:41So I wanted to ask you, is there any particular wine he likes?
10:45Well, listen, Tom, there's something you need to know about Frasier.
10:48What?
10:51He's nuts about Chardonnay.
10:53Does he ask permission first?
11:07Oh, no, he just barges in and says he set me up with God knows who,
11:11and I'm supposed to play on cartwheels like I'm bloody Cinderella.
11:16Will you please relax?
11:18Look, I told you, this is not a set-up.
11:21Tom doesn't even know you'll be here.
11:22Oh, an ambush, then.
11:24Much nicer.
11:27My girlfriends in Manchester used to set me up all the time,
11:31and it was always some gangly bounder with a boarding house reach,
11:35and he wasn't going for the Coleman's hot mustard, if you know what I mean.
11:40Keep in mind that Tom is just a co-worker coming by for a pleasant little dinner.
11:45Some spark should ignite fine, but there is no pressure, absolutely no pressure.
11:50Is that what you're wearing?
11:52Wow, what's wrong with it?
11:56Don't you have something with a little more oomph?
11:59I mean, what about that, oh, that strapless number you have, Lutids?
12:05Do you have any idea how uncomfortable a strapless bra is?
12:10Well, thanks to my fraternity days, as a matter of fact, I do.
12:20Tom, come on in.
12:22Hi, Fraser.
12:23Good to see you.
12:24Oh, I don't know, something told me you'd like Chardonnay.
12:27Oh, my.
12:28That's my favorite.
12:31So, what do you think of the place?
12:34That's a hell of a view.
12:35It's even better from the bedroom.
12:44Why don't we just start with a drink?
12:49Oh, four places.
12:52Who's joining us?
12:53Oh, well, just my little household.
12:55My father and his physical therapist, charming, Daphne.
13:01You live with your dad?
13:03Well, I can't even imagine that.
13:06Well, I mean, I think it's great that you get along so well,
13:09but doesn't having him here kind of put a crimp in your love life?
13:13Oh, not at all, no.
13:15Well, except when I bring my dates home, he tries to steal them.
13:26He's quite the old rascal, you know.
13:31Good evening.
13:32Oh, well, look who we have here.
13:38Tom, I'd like you to meet Daphne.
13:41Daphne, this is Tom Duran.
13:43Pleasure to meet you.
13:44Likewise.
13:46Oh, Dr. Crane, you didn't take his coat.
13:48Oh, sorry.
13:49May I?
14:00Oh, this is strange.
14:03I'm picking up a vibration from your coat.
14:05Excuse me?
14:06Yes, well, it definitely feels that she possesses psychic powers.
14:10You know, those English eccentrics.
14:12Oh, you've just been through a very painful breakup, haven't you?
14:18Yes.
14:19Oh, wait a minute.
14:20You told her that, didn't you?
14:21There was a bit of dispute about ownership of opera recordings.
14:26Whoa.
14:26Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll nip into the kitchen.
14:33I'll have a bird to be.
14:40Quite something, isn't she?
14:41Oh, she's great.
14:42Oh, I love hearing that accent again.
14:45Hey, Frazier, I don't have to put a tie on for this joker, do I?
14:53Tom, this is my father, Martin Crane.
14:57Tom Duran, this to me.
14:59Yeah, sorry about that joker business.
15:01I call everybody joker or jerk.
15:05Pinhead.
15:07Bozo.
15:07Amazingly, he's free for dinner on short notice.
15:13Why don't I just open some of this wonderful wine?
15:19Well?
15:20Whoa, he's a looker.
15:22I'm glad you made me put on me lucky bra.
15:25He's worth every wire digging into me ribcage.
15:29Yes, you made quite an impression on him, too.
15:32He thinks you're great.
15:33Oh, go on.
15:34Oh, God.
15:36Listen to me getting carried away like a schoolgirl when I just met the man.
15:41No, I'm not raising me hopes tonight.
15:44Though I'm glad I raised me bosom.
15:47Yeah, let me tell you, you're gonna love Seattle.
15:50It's a real people place.
15:52Good food, great bars.
15:54I've heard that.
15:55Any you recommend?
15:56Yeah, I usually hang out at a place called Duke's.
15:59Great crowd, a lot of young cops.
16:01You like football?
16:10Oh, yeah, yeah.
16:11I really missed it when I was living in London.
16:13Yeah, well, maybe we could take in a Seahawk game sometime.
16:16Frazier hates us.
16:18It ought to just be us.
16:19Hey, Frazier warned me about you.
16:24Yeah, I guess I yell at the players too loud.
16:28Here we are, Tom.
16:30Dad, I took the liberty of selecting an amusing little vintage for you, too.
16:37Sorry I didn't bring the pull tabs where you can sniff it.
16:42Merci beaucoup.
16:44Oh, excuse me.
16:45Oh, Niles.
16:55Hello, Frazier.
16:55Oh, thank you.
16:56Yeah.
16:59Just stop by to return your book.
17:01Oh, yes, well, thank you.
17:01Well, don't let me keep you.
17:03Oh.
17:05Am I interrupting something?
17:08No, as a matter of fact, I'm introducing a man to Daphne.
17:10Oh, I guess you don't want me around there.
17:15How do you do?
17:19I'm Dr. Niles Crane.
17:21Hi, I'm Tom Duran.
17:23The bird's all done.
17:24All I need is a pair of big, strong arms to haul it out of the oven.
17:29Well, I certainly don't need to be asked twice.
17:30So, halfway through the interview, her stomach starts rumbling, and her body mic's picking it up.
17:48But I have to ignore it, because what am I going to say?
17:51Excuse me, would Her Majesty care for her, Tums?
17:54Oh, I could listen to your stories all night.
18:02They're so funny.
18:04All involving bodily functions.
18:14Tom, I could use a little hand in the kitchen.
18:17No, no, sit, Daphne.
18:19After all that cooking, you must be absolutely strapless.
18:24Uh, Niles, can I speak with you a moment?
18:38Yes.
18:40I was wondering, did I do anything that offended you?
18:43No.
18:46Oh, must be all in my head.
18:49But I sensed that you had a problem with me dating Fraser.
18:52Well, if you must know.
19:06I'm sorry, what was the question?
19:11Do you have some problem with me dating your brother?
19:14No.
19:25Now, Niles, I didn't ask Tom to do this, so he'd end up talking to you all night in the kitchen.
19:29There are others who would like to have a crack at him.
19:32Hey, that Tom's a great guy, huh?
19:52You think, uh, maybe him and Daphne?
19:54You know, I can't remember the last time I had such a wonderful evening.
20:04Oh, no, we should be thanking you.
20:06I can't remember when I've laughed so hard.
20:09You've still got Mr. Crane going.
20:22Daphne, I think a little after-dinner music might be appropriate.
20:26Good idea.
20:26She's, uh, quite a woman, isn't she?
20:35Yeah, she's, she's really something.
20:38Uh, Fraser, I was wondering...
20:40Yes?
20:42Do you think before the evening's over we could get a little one-on-one time?
20:48Oh, I think I can arrange that.
20:51Daphne, he says he wants to be alone with you.
21:01No!
21:02Yes!
21:02This really is me lucky, bro.
21:04I have to keep the wine flowing.
21:05I'll go fix me list.
21:06Okay.
21:08Yeah, I guess I'd better be hitting the old sack.
21:14I don't want to stand in the way of young romance.
21:19Thanks, Dad.
21:20Good night, Tom.
21:21Good night, Martin.
21:25Good night.
21:26I think it's time that you'll be running along.
21:28Oh, yes, I guess I must be on my way.
21:29And, Fraser, I must apologize.
21:31I was wrong about Tom.
21:32If I had to choose a man for Daphne, he's the one I'd pick.
21:37Uh, good night, Tom.
21:38Nice to meet you.
21:39Good night.
21:40I'll just show you out.
21:41Fraser, a word in your ear?
21:44Oh.
21:45Oh, uh.
21:46Excuse me.
21:49There's something I have to tell you.
21:51Dad wanted to, but I won the coin toss.
22:00Yes, what is it?
22:01Oh, I had a little chat with Tom in the kitchen, and he told me he's interested in pursuing a romantic relationship.
22:07But the object of his affections is not Daphne.
22:11Damn!
22:12That raws!
22:13No, no, no.
22:15It's you.
22:22Me?
22:23Well, that's impossible.
22:24Tom's not gay.
22:26He seems to be under that impression.
22:27What on earth could have made him think that I was interested in him?
22:39All I did was ask him if he was attached, and then we talked about the theater and men's fashions.
22:44Oh, my God.
22:45Niles, do you realize what this means?
22:52Yes, you're dating your boss.
23:01You, of all people, should know the pitfalls of an office relationship.
23:05You know, he didn't say anything.
23:09He just never mentioned the fact that he...
23:10I'll call you tomorrow, but not too early, of course.
23:13So.
23:37So.
23:38So.
23:41God, I hate this song.
23:44You know, I've broken my rule for you.
23:46I usually don't date guys I work with.
23:50Yes, well, I've sort of relaxed my rule for you, too.
24:07You're cute when you're nervous.
24:13Yes, well, I must be downright adorable now.
24:17I'm sorry, but we seem to have gotten our lines crossed here.
24:28The truth is, I'm entirely straight.
24:36Hey, if you're not interested, just say so.
24:39No, no, it's true.
24:40I really am.
24:41I just invited you to dinner because you seemed so charming and you were so fond of the British.
24:48I thought you might be the perfect man for Daphne.
24:52Oh, I can't believe this.
24:55You really had no idea that I'm gay?
24:58No.
24:58Don't take this wrong, but it never even occurred to me that you might be gay.
25:17Well, it never even occurred to me that you might be straight.
25:27Jeez, Tom, you know, I feel just awful.
25:30Well, it seems I've just been leading you on all night.
25:33Oh, it's okay.
25:35Honest mistake.
25:36Yes, but I've been pouring your drinks, building up your hopes,
25:40making you think you might have found a man sophisticated and sensitive enough to help you.
25:45Major, I'll learn to love again.
25:48Yes, of course.
25:50Uh, you'll apologize to Daphne?
25:53For the rest of my days.
25:56Does this mean your dad's not gay either?
26:00No, no, dad's not gay.
26:07But Niles, come on.
26:16No, I'm afraid not.
26:20So, wait a minute.
26:21This Maris guy he kept mentioning is a woman?
26:24Well, the jury's still out on that one.
26:30Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling
26:38Tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:43Oh, my.
26:44And maybe I seem a bit confused.
26:47Well, maybe.
26:49But I got you pegged.
26:51Ha, ha, ha, ha.
26:53But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
27:00They're calling again.
27:03Frasier has left the building.