Frasier Season 2 Episode 23 The Innkeepers
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00:00And so, in the opinion of this critic, Mickey's Good Time Tavern is anything but.
00:07Dismal decor, perfunctory service, and cuisine that's only marginally preferable to hunger.
00:16And finally, on a sadder note, after 53 years in the same location, Orsini's is closing its doors.
00:24And so tonight, a sad adieu to the grande dame of Seattle restaurants.
00:31I thought he was the grande dame of Seattle restaurants.
00:35Until next time, this is Gil Chesterton saying bon appétit, bon appetito, and nifty noshing.
00:45Gil, why is Orsini's closing?
00:48Well, the owner's getting old. He wants to sell.
00:51And, uh, just between us, I'm afraid Orsini's is a bit like wine that stayed too long in the cellar.
00:57It retains only memories of its former glory.
01:00Not comping your check anymore.
01:02Not for months now.
01:05You know, Orsini's used to be my favorite restaurant.
01:09You ever been there, Ross?
01:10Are you kidding?
01:12My typical day's idea of a gourmet evening is take-out, make-out, and home by Letterman.
01:21Knock, knock.
01:22Hello, Niles. It's not really a good time for a visit. Show starts in two minutes.
01:25Just enough time to show you the John Steinbeck first edition I bought at the rare book fair.
01:31St. Katie the Virgin in like-new condition.
01:34Yes, well, she'd have to be, wouldn't she?
01:39It's quite a charming book, really. It's a shame more people haven't read it.
01:43Oh, let's see.
01:43Don't touch. The smallest smudge decreases its value.
01:47Oh, Niles, guess what? Thriving Seattle Nightspot is closing its doors.
01:52Roz, you're moving.
02:06No, Niles.
02:08Orsini's is closing.
02:09Oh, it can't be. That's part of Crane history.
02:14Grandfather took me there for my eighth birthday.
02:21Your childhood memory is so vivid.
02:24Wearing paper hats, singing happy birthday, sending back the veal Prince Orloff.
02:34Thirty seconds, Brasio.
02:35Thank you, Will.
02:36Oh, Niles, tonight, let's go to Orsini's for one glorious farewell dinner.
02:41Why not?
02:42I'll make the reservations.
02:44We'll take Dad and Daphne.
02:45Great.
02:46Will Maris be joining us?
02:47Oh, sadly, no.
02:49She had a bad experience there one Christmas Eve.
02:52An Italian soccer team was at the next table.
02:54Maris announced she was in the mood for a goose,
02:56and perhaps inevitably, tragedy ensued.
02:58Oh, dear God.
03:25What has happened to this place?
03:29I know.
03:31It's like running into a movie star you worshipped as a child,
03:34only time has left her hair brittle,
03:38her eyes sunken and dull,
03:41her skin waxy and...
03:44Well, I've got quite an appetite.
03:49How about you?
03:51Yes, sir.
03:52Do you have a reservation?
03:54Yes.
03:54The name is Crane for four.
03:58Ah, the table nine seems to be free.
04:02Right this way, sir.
04:04Your waiter will be with you in a moment.
04:07Oh, here, Dad.
04:09Oh.
04:12Dad.
04:13Fraser.
04:14Isn't that Otto?
04:15Oh, my God.
04:16I believe it is.
04:17You know, Otto is legendary here.
04:19He's been with them forever.
04:20He never writes a single thing down.
04:22He keeps it all in his head.
04:24Otto.
04:25Oh.
04:25Coming up.
04:29Your check, sir.
04:34No, no.
04:34Wrong table.
04:37Oh.
04:38We would like menus, please.
04:40Sorry.
04:41I hate it when we get crowded.
04:46I'm going to the jar.
04:47Order me a beer.
04:49Oh, gee, Dad.
04:50For a moment there,
04:50I thought you were going to surprise me
04:52and order a glass of wine.
04:53I, uh, for a moment,
04:54I thought you were going to surprise me
04:56and button your yap.
04:59I'd order him the crab cocktail,
05:01but I'm afraid the irony would be lost on him.
05:04The owner's going to have his hands full
05:08trying to find a buyer for this place.
05:10Yes, alas.
05:11Afraid we've found one old relic
05:13whose time is going to be put out of his misery.
05:17Oh, no, Otto.
05:17I didn't mean you.
05:20Your menu, sir.
05:24Lovely.
05:27It's all right.
05:28He's in the men's room.
05:29Oh, no, no.
05:34Leave it here.
05:35Why are Americans always in such an almighty rush
05:43to tear things down?
05:45At home, we treasure our antiquities,
05:48but you people just can't wait
05:50to bring in the bulldozers.
05:52You know, I'm inclined to agree with Daphne.
05:54Try to contain my amazement.
05:56It would be a crime to lose a landmark like this.
06:01I mean, look at it.
06:03It's well built, good structure.
06:06It does have good bones.
06:07It's in a very good location.
06:09Excellent location.
06:11They only had valet parking.
06:13They just took down those awful curtains.
06:16Knocked out these pillars.
06:18Frasier, you know,
06:21I've always dreamed of owning a four-star restaurant.
06:27What growing boy hasn't?
06:30Of course, we need a new chef.
06:33I happen to know the chef at Emilio's is very unhappy.
06:36Oh, yes, everyone knows that.
06:37The man's scongeli is a cry for help.
06:42Frasier, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
06:44I'm picking out China and sandblasting the wine cage.
06:48Owning a restaurant is hard work.
06:53If you don't scourge yourself or lop off a finger with a cleaver,
06:57you spend your whole time gagging at grease fires,
07:00killing rats and brawling with labour racketeers.
07:04Me auntie had a little tea room.
07:12Wait a minute.
07:13Don't tell me you two are seriously considering doing a dumbass idiotic thing like buying this place.
07:18With all due respect, Ted, you know, we are not exactly neophytes in this field.
07:23We know food.
07:24We know wine.
07:25Lord knows we have style, taste, and refinement.
07:29You see, that's what always gets you guys in trouble.
07:31You don't think about the hard work or the long hours.
07:35No, to you, owning a restaurant is just wearing fancy clothes,
07:39hobnobbing with your friends, and turning your enemies away at the door.
07:43I hadn't even thought about that.
07:47Look, when I was a cop walking the beat, there was this one restaurant on the corner.
07:51In ten years, it must have changed hands twenty times.
07:56First, it was Ling Fung's Lychee Palace.
07:59Then it was Tony's Meatball Hutch.
08:01Then it was a little taste of Yorkshire.
08:04English food.
08:05Huh, big surprise.
08:06That lasted about five minutes.
08:10You know, Fraser, Dad has a point.
08:12A lot of people have lost a lot of money in this business for one reason.
08:16They picked the wrong name.
08:17True, Niles, but I've got something very special.
08:22I was thinking about this while Dad was talking.
08:29Maison Crane.
08:31Oh, God, your point is a little too obvious.
08:33We want our name to be inviting and welcoming.
08:37Oh, oh, what's the word for light-hearted in French?
08:42There isn't one.
08:42I've got it, Niles, I've got it.
08:49Les Frères Hureux.
08:52The Hamid Brothers.
08:54Brilliant.
08:55It's homie, but just hard enough to pronounce to intimidate the riffraff.
08:59Yes.
09:00Oh, we'll make the place very, very exclusive.
09:05No sign on the outside, no advertisements, and an unlisted phone number.
09:09Hey, well, don't stop there.
09:11Maybe you could post some guards on the roof who can shoot people as they try to get in.
09:17Never mind.
09:18I believe, Niles.
09:20Do you believe?
09:20I believe.
09:21Have you decided what you'd like?
09:24Yes, I'd like the whole damn place, right from the wine cellar to the rafters.
09:29And for the lady?
09:30Yes.
09:30We're a hit, a palpable hit.
09:58But every table in the place is full.
10:01Except for that tiny one wedged in that horrible dank little corner next to the men's room.
10:06Oh, no, no, Niles.
10:07That is not a dank little corner next to the men's room.
10:10That is the enchanted grotto.
10:14I've been getting nothing but compliments.
10:16Yes, Chef Moise has really outdone himself.
10:18The menu simply cannot be improved upon.
10:21I agree.
10:21Unless it would be to add just a soup sort of brandy to the cherries, Jubilee.
10:31Yes, yes.
10:32I want those cherries to be jubilant.
10:38Happy?
10:38Yeah.
10:39Everything all right here?
10:41Oh, yes, Dr. Cream.
10:42Whatever this sanguila is, it's perfectly smashing.
10:46It's our chef's specialty.
10:47A man can do things with eels you just wouldn't believe.
10:50I arrested a guy for that once.
10:54You and your brother really pulled it off, Dr. Cream.
10:58Yes, well, sorry to disappoint you, Dad, but it seems the restaurant is a success.
11:04But tomorrow will be the toast of Singapore.
11:15What's in there?
11:16Anguila.
11:17Dear God!
11:18It's Moise's speciality.
11:22He prefers to kill them to orders and serve them with their heads still on.
11:27Thank God his specialty isn't roast beef.
11:33Are those the supplies for table nine, Moise?
11:35I'm just about to beg them.
11:38I know it's not my place to second-guess your presentation, but would you be averse to trying
11:43something radical?
11:46What?
11:48Well, instead of individual souffles, make one large souffle and dish the portions out
11:54at the table.
11:55When people hear the name Niles Crane, I want them to think Big Souffle.
12:02As you wish.
12:07There's a party at the door without a tie or a reservation.
12:11Leave them to me.
12:12Hey, Miles, baby!
12:13Good evening, Mr. Briscoe.
12:17May I help you?
12:19Does it look like I need help tonight?
12:23Do you have a reservation?
12:24Okay, okay.
12:25I know what you're sniffing around for.
12:28These guys are all alike.
12:31Mr. Lincoln wonders if you've got a table for the bulldog and his leg.
12:34Well, Mr. Lincoln's in luck.
12:38Please, seat these people in the Enchanted Grotto.
12:43Miles, the grotto.
12:45Oh, bulldog.
12:47Enjoy our finest sailor.
12:51Hey, you see that?
12:52Little flights of green, you get whatever you want.
12:55But look who I'm telling.
12:56Maurice, it's not to second-guess your creativity, but...
13:15I thought that we agreed that we would serve a souffle in individual cups.
13:22But I was asked to change.
13:24Change on opening night?
13:25Oh, Lord, no, no.
13:27Start pouring, man.
13:32Dad, Daddy?
13:34If you're almost finished, I can call for your car.
13:37You know, your parking attendant looks familiar.
13:40It was Otto, the waiter.
13:43It's another hard to let him go, so...
13:46Hello, Otto?
13:48Who is this?
13:51Dr. Crane, Otto, please bring up car 44, please.
13:57Little innovation of mine.
13:59This way, your car will be waiting when you're finished.
14:02Oh.
14:13Maurice, I thought we agreed one large bowl for the souffle.
14:16This is crazy.
14:18This is my kitchen.
14:19Well, it's in my restaurant, so one big bowl, chop-chop.
14:23And you, you, you.
14:25Table 12 is still waiting for their entree.
14:27Don't force me to send them complimentary zucchini.
14:30Ah, that's the indoor, sir.
14:33Good Lord, I wonder what I did.
14:34What happened?
14:36Oh, this man must have fainted.
14:38Here, help me get him into the kitchen.
14:40Oh, that's the outdoor.
14:44Well, no, I've got it.
14:46Good Lord, I think his nose is broken.
14:49What shall we do?
14:50For one thing, start ladling out zucchini.
14:52No, that one's out cold.
14:55Give me a hand.
14:56I'll take them both to the emergency room.
14:57Yes, that's the bloody of them, sir.
14:59Please help this man.
15:02Thank you so much.
15:02Treasure, treasure, to your name, I'm trying to remain a happy brother, but do you find
15:06it just the tiniest bit discouraging that suddenly we find ourselves with neither waiters
15:10nor a bartender?
15:11First rule of the kitchen, Niles.
15:14Remain calm.
15:15No, no, no!
15:17I told you individual cops, you oof!
15:20I told him I hurt you.
15:21What?
15:21You told him what?
15:23Oh, Niles, we're letting you serve in a baseball club.
15:26Oh, God's sake.
15:28I'm insane.
15:29I've never had such a ridiculous idea in my life.
15:31How gross!
15:32I had no idea.
15:32It's streaking.
15:33Please!
15:34No, I still play.
15:35Please, please.
15:36You did nothing for me.
15:37I have to say no, it was an oversight on my part.
15:40Oh, fine.
15:41Now what?
15:42Simple.
15:42We'll just make a battlefield promotion.
15:45Congratulations.
15:46You are our new head chef.
15:47Oh, thank you.
15:49Oh, make us proud.
15:51We've got a very important clientele out there.
15:52Yes.
15:53Governor's table alone, we have two state senators and the head of the Immigration Bureau.
15:56Huh?
15:58So.
16:01Any other names you'd like to drop?
16:17By now, we have no chef.
16:18No.
16:23No.
16:24Put the hat down.
16:26No.
16:27No.
16:27You are our new head chef.
16:29Don't be absurd.
16:30I can't possibly cook all this.
16:31Oh, of course you can, Niles.
16:33My God, most of the meals are already started.
16:35Dad and Daphne can help us out.
16:38Otto, cancel car number 44.
16:40Who is this?
16:41It's Dr. Crane.
16:44It's always Dr. Crane.
16:45I'm the only one on here.
16:51Dad, Daphne.
16:53I need your help.
16:54We've had a little disaster.
16:55Disaster?
16:56What are you doing?
17:00Tire staff has walked out.
17:02It's a long story.
17:03Daphne, I need you in the kitchen.
17:05I need you behind the bar, Daphne.
17:07You can gloat later.
17:09I'll pencil it in.
17:13Well, it won't be the first time I've had to wash dishes for me so far.
17:18Who's going to wait on all these tables?
17:21Oh, Frasier.
17:24Ross.
17:26Ross, Ross.
17:28Oh, Ross.
17:30I'm glad to see you too.
17:32Frasier, this is my day, Brad.
17:34Oh, Brad, pleasure.
17:35Pretty great, huh?
17:36Oh, yes, yes.
17:38So we got our special table?
17:39Yes, I certainly have.
17:40But before you sit at it, there's something I want to discuss with you.
17:44It's probably some kind of surprise.
17:46Oh, I'm trying to fool you.
17:49What's your poison?
17:50Oh, I don't know.
17:51Maybe I should wait for Ross.
17:53I'd have one now.
17:57Blacknealer!
18:00Honey, listen, I'm really, really sorry,
18:03but Frasier's a dear friend
18:05and his waiters have had a terrible accident
18:07and this is his grand opening
18:09and he really, really needs my help,
18:11so I hope he'll try to understand.
18:14No problem.
18:16Listen, could I get a menu
18:17and maybe some bread and butter?
18:18Hey, buddy, you come around here?
18:26How about those supersides?
18:30Listen, Niles is starting to panic in the kitchen.
18:33I don't know if we're going to be able to pull this thing off.
18:35Why don't you just wobble with them?
18:37Tell them what happened.
18:39People are more understanding than you think.
18:43Well, maybe you're right.
18:44Maybe honesty is the best policy.
18:49Everyone?
18:52Excuse me.
18:54Ladies and gentlemen,
18:57I would just like to say...
18:59Good evening, Frasier.
19:02Bon appétit.
19:03Gil!
19:06Gil, I can't be surprised to see you.
19:08I thought you never reviewed opening night.
19:10You're my friend.
19:10I made an exception.
19:12And a special surprise,
19:13I bought an entire table of restaurant critics.
19:16Oh!
19:17Well...
19:18Oh!
19:19Oh, that's...
19:20You know, we're so booked up,
19:23I don't know if I can accommodate you.
19:24Oh, we'll take that one over there.
19:26We don't mind squeezing in.
19:28We're simply salivating to try the anguila.
19:31We hear a chef's an absolute wizard with eels.
19:34Eels!
19:36Well, that was his old specialty.
19:40So you really must try his new specialty.
19:43Scrambled eggs.
19:49Eels it is.
19:50Okay, table four wants to make some changes.
19:53They want the soul baronica without the grapes.
19:56Spinach instead of broccoli and risotto instead of pasta.
20:00They also want the swordfish but hold the capers.
20:02Oh, for heaven's sakes!
20:03Can't you just tell them no substitutions?
20:07I have trouble saying no.
20:09So the guidebooks tell us.
20:10Do you want to get thrown in the tank with the rest of the eels?
20:15Well, you're not making this very easy.
20:18You won't sit here, queen of the waitresses,
20:20la-di-da, extra broccoli,
20:23hold the capers,
20:24and then you go back out on the fun side of the door.
20:27You want to trade places with me, Mary Poppins?
20:30Be my guest!
20:31How dare you use that tune with her?
20:35I have a light out of the way!
20:36I have a light out of the way!
20:37Wait!
20:38Wait!
20:39All right, stop it!
20:43Get a grip!
20:45I'm not being asked to do anything that none of us hasn't done before
20:48in our own kitchens and our own home.
20:50Now, quick!
20:50Niles, kill five eels!
20:54Wait!
20:55Wait!
20:56Wait!
21:00What?
21:00I'm serious!
21:02Every restaurant critic in Seattle is out there
21:04and they all want anguilas,
21:05so start killing eels!
21:06Wait!
21:07How do you suggest I do that?
21:09How do I know you're the chef?
21:11Throw a toaster in the damn tank for all I care!
21:17Dr. Waring Eels.
21:19Eels are on their way.
21:21Our mouths are watering, Frasier.
21:23The chef is in the process of...
21:25I'm frying them now.
21:37Excuse me.
21:40This is veal piccata.
21:42I ordered veal marsala.
21:43So it is, I'll rectify that at once.
21:47I'll be right back.
21:50This veal piccata has to be veal marsala.
21:51The mayor's table all wants cherries jubilee for dessert.
22:07All right, fine.
22:08You flame them.
22:09I'll be out to serve them.
22:11Niles, how are those eels coming?
22:12I'm just trimming them now.
22:13Take them out of the tank!
22:17Not till I'm sure they're dead!
22:21Oh, for heaven's sakes!
22:40What was that?
22:43Big blue flash.
22:47Cherries everywhere.
22:55Lucky it didn't set off the sprinkler system.
22:58Yes, fortunately.
22:59We have a built-in safety delay for just this sort of thing.
23:02Gives you 15 seconds before the sprinklers...
23:09...kick in.
23:13Wait till I tear myself.
23:15Right over there.
23:16I hope you're satisfied you've thinned my brown saw.
23:24Good news!
23:26That was just a test!
23:31Put my car.
23:32Now.
23:32Yes, ma'am.
23:33Right away.
23:34One little more.
23:36Otto, quick.
23:38Bring car 23 and hurry!
23:40Who is this?
23:41It's the voice of God!
23:43Hey, dark!
23:44Dark!
23:45Great touch for the sprinklers!
23:47My date's dress is clinging to her like saran wrap!
23:50Oh, ladies and gentlemen, every restaurant has its little adjustment period.
23:55I'm sure someday you'll look back at this and remember it as an adventure.
23:58And if they didn't remember it, I'll remind them.
24:06Now, for those of you who are leaving, please keep us in mind for your next special occasion.
24:12We plan many new and exciting innovations in the weeks to come.
24:16Starting with our drive-thru window.
24:32Number 23 is ready.
24:35How much firepower do you suppose is necessary to embed a cherry in an acoustic ceiling tile?
24:58There's another question we should have asked ourselves before we entered the exciting world of food service.
25:10Man, those eels are starting to stink.
25:16Dad, for an hour you've been circling us like a shark.
25:19Why don't you just give us your little speech and get on with it?
25:21Hey, come on.
25:22Dad, I know you guys, you're going to punish yourselves enough without me chiming in.
25:29Thanks. Appreciate it.
25:30Hey, I'm your dad.
25:37Whoa, happy brother's restaurant.
25:41Table for two?
25:42Yeah, no problem.
25:44Smoke damaged or non-smoke damaged?
25:52You know, we could tell people he died in the explosion.
26:08Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling.
26:10Tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:14Mercy.
26:16And maybe I seem a bit confused.
26:20Yeah, maybe.
26:20But I got you, pigs.
26:22Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
26:25But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:33They're calling again.
26:37Scrambled eggs all over my face.
26:40What is a boy to do?
26:44Good night, everybody.
26:50Good night, everybody.
26:51Good night, everybody.
26:52Good night, everybody.
26:53Good night, everybody.
26:54Good night, everybody.
26:54Good night, everybody.
26:55Good night, everybody.
26:55Good night, everybody.
26:56Good night, everybody.
26:57Good night, everybody.
26:58Good night, everybody.
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27:00Good night, everybody.
27:01Good night, everybody.
27:02Good night, everybody.
27:03Good night, everybody.
27:04Good night, everybody.
27:05Good night, everybody.
27:06Good night, everybody.
27:07Good night, everybody.
27:08Good night, everybody.
27:09Good night, everybody.
27:10Good night, everybody.
27:11Good night, everybody.
27:12Good night, everybody.
27:13Good night, everybody.
27:14Good night, everybody.
27:15Good night, everybody.
27:16Good night, everybody.
27:17Good night, everybody.
27:18Good night, everybody.