The Conners Season 7 Episode 2
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00:00A piece of dark hair?
00:02Sit down, you didn't miss much.
00:04So far it's just been Chef Chestnut telling Jackie that her cooking is the enemy of taste buds everywhere.
00:10I could jab a knife into my hip and I'd cry real tears!
00:14I can't believe how these Hollywood types cut this show together.
00:17I look all defensive and crazy.
00:22Yeah, they didn't cut anything. It's one long shot.
00:25There's no way I was glaring at the guy like that.
00:28That's obviously a special effect.
00:31And you hear how they make my voice sound? It's all shrill and angry!
00:37That's exactly what you sound like!
00:39No, I don't! America thinks all women sound like that! That's the problem!
00:44I gotta pee!
00:48Pretty weird seeing yourself on TV, right?
00:50Yeah. I always thought the first time I saw myself would be on Cop, stealing copper wire out of streetlights.
00:58By the way, apropos of nothing, where do you actually take the copper wire to get that money?
01:05The finance is a little tight lately.
01:07Yeah. I've been having a hard time keeping up.
01:10Aren't you living in sin with a pilot?
01:12I'm not gonna ask him for money, but I will occasionally take a 20 out of his wallet as an open-bathroom door tax.
01:23Look, there's Ben falling in love with Adam Chestnut on TV, but that's a nice reminder of what your husband looks like, huh?
01:29If you think I'm bothered that I never see him anymore because he's launching a magazine, you're wrong.
01:35Maybe someday somebody will love you enough to avoid you at all costs.
01:40Aw, there you are, Grandpa. You look great.
01:43Yeah. I think standing again while I brush my teeth is really paying off.
01:47Hey, Tyler.
01:55Thank you. He's watching it from New York.
01:59Oh, honey. I don't think my eyes look like sparkling diamonds.
02:04They're blue. They're more like brilliant sapphires.
02:09Oh, you're missing a 20?
02:11Oh, it might be somebody from my low-life family. Everybody says hi.
02:17Wow. We already have over a thousand new followers on the Lunchbox Instagram from the show.
02:23Anything on there about how the previous owner's passion and intellect shines through the cracks of this show's obvious smear campaign against her?
02:33Uh, no, but someone did make a nice gif comparing you to a howler monkey.
02:41You know, I don't mean to brag, but Tyler's right. I look pretty good on TV.
02:47I bet some of those Lunchbox followers want to see more of me.
02:50Well, you are attractive to people who don't know you yet.
02:55Maybe I should be an influencer.
02:57They make a lot of money.
02:59I got plenty of riz. I just got to figure out my hook.
03:02Well, here's a guy with a million followers being kicked in the groin by a kangaroo.
03:07That could be you.
03:09Hey, Gene.
03:11Hey, how you doing, Dan?
03:12Great. Come on in.
03:14Everybody, this is Gene.
03:17Now, Jackie, I know you're still mad at me about not suing the drug company over Roseanne,
03:22so as a peace offering, I thought I'd introduce you to a really good lawyer.
03:25Oh, we know each other.
03:27Last time Gene and I saw each other was in court
03:30when her client allegedly contracted hepatitis in the bathroom at the Lunchbox.
03:37Really? Not the kitchen?
03:40Well, he was a member of the city council,
03:43and I had no idea a lot of them were intravenous drug users.
03:50Well, she helped me sue a contractor once.
03:53Bastard didn't tell me about his unstable roof.
03:56Oh, and I wish I could have gotten you more for that, but you weren't paralyzed.
04:00Oh, so much of this is luck.
04:03Oh, terrible.
04:06All these new cars have automatic braking,
04:08so you can't throw yourself in front of one
04:10and make an honest buck anymore.
04:13Well, I'm going to grab a beer.
04:16Should we take this to the kitchen?
04:20Colvin?
04:20Oh, I'd love one, but I've got to blow into my ignition to start my car.
04:29Just so you know,
04:31I'm only suing
04:32because somebody's got to stand up to these pharmaceutical companies
04:35when the deceased partner won't do it.
04:38Well, it's a better case
04:40if the spouse lays out the whole experience
04:42really selling the pain and suffering.
04:45It's called loss of consortium,
04:47and you establish that,
04:48well, the three cherries come up on the slot machine,
04:51the sirens go off,
04:52and everyone in the casino wishes they were you.
04:58Talking about the death of my wife here.
05:01Oh, I'm sorry.
05:01No, that was insensitive.
05:04You like boats.
05:08There's nothing for grief
05:10like being out in the open water
05:12with a beer in one hand,
05:14Marlin pole in the other.
05:16Hey, and if you get out into international waters,
05:19ho, ho, ho,
05:20you can do all kinds of nasty stuff.
05:24I'll remember that,
05:25but I'm not going to change my mind game.
05:27Okay.
05:28Of course.
05:28I will just leave the paperwork
05:30with Jackie
05:32and get it back to me as quick as you can.
05:33Yeah, yeah.
05:35Sure, thank you.
05:36Thank you, Dan.
05:38Hey, Jackie,
05:40you think you'd mind if I hung out a bit?
05:42Because I'd actually really love that beer.
05:46But I got to drink a gallon of water
05:48and wait a few hours,
05:49unless you got a skateboard.
05:50You got a skateboard?
05:55No.
05:56No.
05:58Don't have that.
06:01Um...
06:02You can just let yourself out.
06:04The Conners is recorded
06:27in front of a live studio audience.
06:29Hey, Jackie,
06:30thank you again for coming in to help.
06:32I knew the TV show
06:33was going to bring in a lot of people,
06:34but, I mean,
06:35this is pretty crazy.
06:36No, no worries.
06:37Feels great to tie the apron strings
06:39and get back in the saddle again.
06:42Oh, she still purrs for Mama.
06:47Wow.
06:48This might be my fault.
06:50I think they're here
06:51just to get a peek at me,
06:52just to see if I'm for real.
06:54They probably thought I was AI
06:56because of all the perfection and everything.
06:57Before you fall into that lake
07:02you're looking into,
07:03would you please deliver this grilled cheese
07:04to that customer at the end of the counter?
07:05Yeah, sure.
07:09Sorry, I'm getting ready
07:10for my first live stream.
07:12You're gonna have to hire more people.
07:14Once I get enough followers,
07:16I'll get paid sponsors,
07:17and I won't have to work here anymore.
07:19Not to mention the disability money
07:20you'll be getting
07:21from your break with reality.
07:22What's up, single moms?
07:27It's your girl Becky
07:28from Restaurant 911.
07:30But I'm more than a hot waitress.
07:33I'm a hot mom,
07:35student,
07:36girlfriend,
07:37and someone who can still fit
07:39in her high school jeans.
07:42Speaking of hot moms
07:43who can do it all,
07:45this is my daughter,
07:47Beverly Rose.
07:49Hey, could I help you
07:50with your homework?
07:51You never ask me that.
07:53Why are you asking me now?
07:55I ask to help you all the time.
07:59She's a little camera shy.
08:01No, I'm not.
08:01I just don't need attention like you.
08:06Oh, my gosh.
08:07Look who it is.
08:08Hey, it's my boss,
08:11Harris,
08:11the owner of the lunchbox.
08:13What up, niece?
08:14Please don't mention me,
08:15the lunchbox,
08:15or America.
08:16We're all embarrassed for you.
08:21Oh, oh.
08:22Got a lot of comments coming.
08:25Oh, I guess you want to see
08:27Beverly Rose again.
08:31Oh, nope.
08:32She's on to us.
08:35Less of the desperate old blonde,
08:37more of the sarcastic kid.
08:39Okay, hey.
08:41We don't want any of that
08:42hateful trolling here, okay?
08:46Excuse me?
08:48Shut up,
08:50Reese Deliverspoon.
08:57Hey.
08:58Hey.
08:59How about this?
09:01Ben felt so bad about
09:03putting our relationship
09:04on the back burner
09:04that he set up
09:05this romantic dinner.
09:07Oh, he even printed up
09:09this little card.
09:11I hate when we're apart,
09:12but it just makes
09:13our time together
09:13more special,
09:14and it's signed B.
09:16Oh.
09:18Yeah, B.
09:19For Becky.
09:20I wrote that.
09:23Wait, what?
09:24It's for Tyler.
09:26I told him people
09:27were being mean to me online,
09:28and so he's flying back
09:29from Paris
09:30just to spend some time
09:31with me for a couple hours.
09:33I mean, who does that, right?
09:36I let myself get happy
09:37for a second,
09:38so I had it coming.
09:41Sorry,
09:41and this may not be
09:43the best timing,
09:44but Ben came by
09:46and told me to tell you
09:47that he grabbed some clothes
09:48because he has to sleep
09:50at the office again tonight.
09:53Did he say
09:54if he was sleeping
09:54in the front
09:55or back of the office?
09:56I don't want to drive
09:57my car through
09:58the wrong part.
10:01I know it's rough,
10:02but he's not going
10:03to be working
10:04around the clock forever.
10:05Well, he says that,
10:06but he's just setting up
10:07the magazine right now.
10:08When he's in production,
10:09the hours are going
10:10to be even worse.
10:11Sorry about that.
10:12Oh, and if you don't mind,
10:14could you stay in your room
10:15for the next few hours
10:16so that all of this
10:18doesn't kill the mood tonight?
10:22Don't worry.
10:23I'm going to go
10:23to the Lobo
10:24because all of this
10:26doesn't want to see
10:27all of that
10:28get all worked up
10:29and do something disgusting
10:30on top of all of this.
10:37Hey,
10:38saw your truck outside.
10:42What are you watching?
10:43Highlights of the Bulls game,
10:44but that got depressing,
10:46so I flipped over
10:47to a documentary
10:48about microplastics.
10:49I like knowing
10:52what I'm putting
10:52in my body.
10:54Did you know
10:54they found them
10:55in 100%
10:57of human testicles?
11:01Well,
11:02we have to talk.
11:03I filled out
11:04all the paperwork
11:05and Gene says,
11:06I don't have a case.
11:07I was never
11:08financially supported
11:09by Roseanne
11:10and she didn't live
11:11with me,
11:12so unless you sue,
11:13it's over.
11:14Why are you even here?
11:16Well,
11:17Gene told me
11:17the same thing
11:18and I knew
11:18you'd try to hunt me
11:19down at the house,
11:20so I came here.
11:22It's the best hiding place
11:23I could think of
11:24with pie.
11:26Gene says,
11:27you have a slam dunk case.
11:30I don't know
11:30how many times
11:31I could tell you
11:32or how many ways
11:33to show you.
11:34It's blood money
11:35and I don't want it.
11:36Yeah,
11:36I knew you were
11:37going to say that.
11:39I was going through
11:40some texts
11:40from Roseanne
11:41from 2018
11:42to get details
11:43for the lawyer
11:43and I found something
11:45that I want to read to you.
11:46This is the night
11:47before she had
11:47her knee surgery.
11:48She was on pain pills,
11:50Jackie.
11:50We all got strange texts.
11:52She thought
11:53you were an alien.
11:55I texted Beth.
11:56That explains a lot,
11:57but the truth
11:58is probably
11:58more disturbing
11:59than that.
12:00Okay,
12:00just listen to this.
12:03I'm worried sick
12:04about Dan.
12:05If I can't work again,
12:07he'll push himself
12:08to cover us
12:08and it'll kill him.
12:09He's worked
12:10so damn hard
12:11his whole life.
12:12I just want him
12:13to be able
12:14to kick his feet
12:14up one day
12:15and I don't see
12:16the kids
12:16being able
12:17to help him.
12:17I don't see
12:18Becky ever
12:18putting down
12:19the bottle
12:20or Darlene
12:21ever being able
12:21to trap another man.
12:25And then I wrote
12:26back to her,
12:27you're being silly.
12:29You'll be fine
12:29and you guys
12:30will live a long
12:31happy life together.
12:32And that is
12:33one of the last
12:33times we ever texted.
12:35The last one
12:36was,
12:38you're an idiot,
12:40you're ruining
12:40your life,
12:41you're da-da-da-da-da.
12:42Yeah, God,
12:43I miss her.
12:48Well,
12:49she was wrong.
12:50I'm fine.
12:51Are you?
12:52You paid off the house
12:53but that used up
12:54all the insurance money
12:55and I know
12:55your pension's
12:56not that much
12:57so you're basically
12:58living off
12:59a social security.
13:00Roseanne wanted
13:01you to have more.
13:02Okay, Jackie,
13:03I got it.
13:05I've got another
13:06hiding place
13:06but this one
13:07has cake.
13:08Don't follow me.
13:08Oh, my last beer
13:14was from Colorado
13:15so let's keep
13:16heading west
13:17and follow
13:17the Oregon Trail.
13:19I want to feel
13:19the same sense
13:20of adventure
13:20the pioneers felt,
13:22you know,
13:22minus the rattlesnake bites
13:23and the cannibalism.
13:26Hi.
13:27Sorry to bother you
13:28but could you
13:29take a picture of us?
13:30Oh, sure,
13:31no problem.
13:33Good.
13:35Actually,
13:36can you take
13:36another one
13:37with us
13:37looking into
13:38each other's eyes?
13:40I don't feel
13:41good about it
13:41but I can.
13:45All right.
13:46Now maybe just
13:46one more
13:47where we're kissing.
13:49Uh, listen.
13:52My beer came
13:53all the way
13:53from Oregon
13:54to be with me
13:54and I don't want
13:55to be rude
13:55and make it wait
13:56so last one,
13:57all right?
14:00Okay.
14:04It's enough,
14:05you guys.
14:07Uh, no.
14:10Hey,
14:10why'd you do that?
14:12Because you're
14:13disgusting
14:13and no one
14:14wants to see you
14:15guys frenching
14:16like a couple
14:16of horny teenagers.
14:17Bye!
14:20Or is it because
14:21nobody wants
14:21to do that
14:22with you,
14:22bitch?
14:26Are you serious?
14:27Hey, hey, hey, hey.
14:28Cool out.
14:29This isn't about you.
14:30Whoa, cool out.
14:31Don't touch me.
14:32Don't touch me, bro.
14:33You won't touch me.
14:33No, you still...
14:34Come on.
14:36Damn it.
14:37Let's get out of here.
14:39Yeah, that's right.
14:40You better walk away.
14:44I am so sorry.
14:45Are you okay?
14:47Yeah.
14:47Crap,
14:48does it look okay?
14:49Oh!
14:51Uh,
14:51well,
14:52if you wanted
14:52the blood
14:53on the outside
14:54of your nose,
14:54then you nailed it.
14:56Okay.
14:57Uh,
14:57can we get
14:58something cold
14:58for his face?
15:03Do you have
15:04anything domestic?
15:04I don't even
15:05know this guy.
15:09Again,
15:10I am so sorry.
15:11I don't usually
15:12fight with people
15:13like that.
15:14Uh,
15:14to be honest,
15:15they were driving
15:15me crazy, too.
15:16There's something
15:17about people
15:18being happy
15:19in public.
15:20It's just wrong.
15:22Right?
15:23That's why
15:24I came here tonight.
15:25It's dark.
15:26Everybody's depressed
15:27and miserable.
15:27These are my people.
15:28If you want
15:29to be happy,
15:30go to Chi-Chi's.
15:32Yeah,
15:32I hear you.
15:33I just, uh,
15:34separated from my wife
15:36and all I want
15:38is a beer
15:38and to look around
15:39at people
15:39who are worse off
15:40than me.
15:41Look no further.
15:42You found your gal.
15:45Yeah,
15:45what's your sad story?
15:47My husband
15:48is working 24-7,
15:49so I'm alone a lot
15:50and I miss him.
15:53What's he do
15:53that keeps him so busy?
15:55He is starting
15:56a hardware magazine.
15:57Why?
16:02We're not supposed
16:03to ask that.
16:04Uh,
16:04he's going through
16:05something.
16:06I don't know.
16:07Yeah.
16:08Well,
16:08not being with your
16:09partner sucks,
16:09right?
16:10It's like
16:11every song you hear
16:12is about breaking up
16:13and everybody you see
16:14is in love
16:15and the little gecko
16:16in the insurance
16:17commercial says,
16:18you're gonna die alone.
16:20Oh, no,
16:23that could have been
16:23the edible.
16:25Uh,
16:26two more beers,
16:27please.
16:28Oh,
16:28I'm Darlene,
16:29by the way.
16:30Chad.
16:31Mmm,
16:32Chad.
16:33Were you just
16:34playing your hot
16:35sax over at
16:36St. Elmo's Fire?
16:37Yeah,
16:39I wouldn't be
16:40making fun of names
16:41if I had one
16:42that sounds like
16:42you got done wrong
16:43by your two-timing man.
16:45Darlene.
16:45You think you're funny,
16:50huh?
16:51All right,
16:51I like that.
16:58Hey,
16:59haven't seen you
17:00go live for a while.
17:01What's up?
17:02Did you see
17:03any of the comments?
17:05I glanced.
17:06Uh,
17:07I saw the word
17:07desperate a lot
17:08and also the word
17:09old
17:10and then various
17:11combinations of the two.
17:13Yeah,
17:14they were brutal.
17:15It was like having
17:16a thousand Darlene's
17:17coming at me
17:18but without any
17:19of the fake love
17:20underneath.
17:22Did you ever go
17:23to a carnival
17:23and see the game
17:25where you throw a ball
17:26and if it hits
17:27the bullseye,
17:27some poor dumbass
17:29gets dunked
17:29in the water tank?
17:31They were looking
17:31at that when
17:32they built social media.
17:33Well,
17:34I'm done.
17:34As much as I need
17:35the money,
17:36that whole influencer
17:37thing is too toxic.
17:39I understand.
17:40You have to
17:41protect yourself.
17:42Oh,
17:42no.
17:43No,
17:44not me.
17:45I'm tough.
17:45I can take it.
17:47It's bad for Beverly Rose.
17:49She's worked too hard
17:50to overcome her issues
17:52to leave her
17:53self-esteem
17:54in the hands
17:55of those monsters.
17:57Yeah.
17:58Uh,
17:59for the record,
18:00I think she looks
18:01pretty damn good
18:02for her age.
18:06She went through
18:07a phase where
18:08she smoked
18:08and drank
18:09but
18:09seeing out
18:11of the sun
18:11saved her.
18:12want some company?
18:19From the very
18:20bottom of my heart,
18:22no.
18:24Dad,
18:24we all have
18:25a little something
18:26to say to you.
18:28I'm on team Jackie.
18:30She showed us
18:31the text
18:31and it's pretty clear
18:33that mom would
18:34want you to get money
18:35from the drug company.
18:37Dad,
18:38it is also clear
18:39that mom thought
18:40we would never
18:41be capable
18:42of taking care of you.
18:43And the sad news is
18:44even though we are
18:45doing a little bit better
18:46and I did manage
18:47to trap a man,
18:48you're probably
18:50still on your own.
18:51Grandpa,
18:52you took me
18:53and mom
18:53and Mark in
18:54when we had
18:54no place else to go
18:55so I just want you
18:57to know that
18:57wherever I go,
18:59you can live
18:59in the basement.
19:00Alice,
19:01we're trying to
19:01talk him into suing.
19:03Do not give him
19:04options.
19:05It's okay,
19:06Jackie.
19:06Even with the
19:07generous offer
19:07of me living underground,
19:09I have no intention
19:10of being a burden
19:11on any of you.
19:14Okay,
19:14Mr. Stoick,
19:16we're running
19:17out of time.
19:18There's a statute
19:18of limitations
19:19on these things.
19:20She died six
19:21and a half years ago.
19:22It's now
19:23or never?
19:27It's now.
19:29I knew this
19:30was going to be
19:31hard on me
19:31to do this,
19:32but now that I realize
19:33what Rosie wanted
19:34for me,
19:35I'm not going
19:36to let her down.
19:39So,
19:40you let us
19:41all make
19:41these stupid
19:42little speeches
19:43and you knew
19:43the whole time
19:44you were going
19:44to sue?
19:45I'm on Social Security.
19:47This is my
19:47entertainment.
19:49I knew the minute
19:51Jackie read the text
19:52and I talked it over
19:53with Louise
19:54and she agrees.
19:56But thank you all
19:57for worrying about me.
19:59If we get anything
20:00from this lawsuit,
20:01I will extend
20:02the same amount
20:03of security
20:04to you
20:04as what is
20:05extended to me.
20:08Did I say basement?
20:09I meant the big bedroom.
20:11Too late.
20:13They're taking money
20:14from big corporations
20:15that killed your spouse.
20:18Here.
20:18Very heartfelt
20:19and not usable
20:20in many situations.
20:25Seriously digging
20:26this Massachusetts IPA,
20:28you can just tell
20:29the hops were ground
20:30by hand
20:31by real Boston artisans.
20:32You can really
20:33taste the notes
20:34of cheese
20:34in my Wisconsin lager.
20:37That's from Miller Lite.
20:39Oh, I might address