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The Conners Season 7 Episode 4,
the conners s07e04
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Transcript
00:00He's upstairs hacking.
00:02You might not have made a big impression, but you moved him down the block.
00:06Is anybody else around?
00:08Well, Harris is making dinner in the kitchen. Are we in danger?
00:13No, I just need a few minutes with Dad's lawyer when she gets here.
00:17I'm going to try to trick her into giving me free legal advice about Mark.
00:21Oh, who would have thought little baby Mark would grow up to be a gay cyber criminal?
00:26I don't think his being gay has anything to do with it.
00:29No, I just like that the criminal playing field is becoming more diverse.
00:34So, what'd Ben have to say about it?
00:37Well, I'd have to see him to talk to him, and he's never around,
00:40so I'm going to have to figure out this whole Mark thing on my own.
00:42Well, you better hurry up, darling, because even if I don't turn Mark in,
00:45somebody's going to catch on.
00:47Listen, I know you're worried that this puts you in a bad position as a cop,
00:52but maybe you won't even pass the physical, and then you won't have a problem.
00:59You have the right to be a loving and supportive family member.
01:02Now you think I can't pass my physical, huh, do you?
01:06Who is it?
01:08It's Gene, your dad's lawyer.
01:11Do you mind opening the door?
01:12There's a weird dog out here.
01:15Uh, yeah, just give me a minute to ditch the cops.
01:18Hey, Darlene.
01:24Hi.
01:26Oh, it's you.
01:28Take it.
01:34Listen, I've been practicing with Dan for his pharmaceutical deposition,
01:39and I can't get him to be emotional when he talks about what happened with Roseanne.
01:44He just stuffs it down.
01:46Yeah, he's a typical stoic Midwesterner.
01:49I even sent him links from depositions where loved ones really broke down
01:53to show him what will move a jury.
01:57Never opened them.
01:58Listen, we will work on my dad,
02:02but I actually have a few questions of my own about the lawsuit, if you don't mind.
02:07Sure, shoot.
02:08Um, would it impact the case if my mom was a hacker?
02:12A gay hacker.
02:17Was she?
02:18Well, I don't want to incriminate myself or you,
02:22so let's just say no, but keep talking about it.
02:25Would she have been better off turning herself in,
02:29or leaving town hoping it would all blow over?
02:32Well, in your mother's particular situation,
02:34she had a real ace in the hole that keeps her from being prosecuted.
02:37Um, she's dead.
02:41Sure, yeah, yeah.
02:42But, I mean, just for fun.
02:44Um, what if she were alive and, like, I don't know, like a teenager?
02:51I would say you need to pay me for my time
02:54about something that is obviously a different case.
02:57Oh, busted coal!
03:05You're too late to help me with dinner,
03:06but could you at least Google
03:08is it bad if you open a jar of tomato sauce
03:11and it exhales?
03:14Sorry.
03:15I got to prep for my job interview Wednesday.
03:18Oh, yeah, I can't work Wednesday.
03:20My car won't start that day.
03:22On Friday, there's going to be a payroll glitch,
03:24and you're not going to get as much money.
03:26What a week we're going to have.
03:28I'm interviewing with this cool tech company
03:30that's starting a mental health wellness department
03:32for their employees.
03:33Oh, they're hiring you as the bad example.
03:37Oh, Mom, uh, Ben called.
03:39He is going to stop by and pick up some food,
03:41but he's going to eat at work.
03:43Oh, cool.
03:43I'll stick around so I can see my husband
03:45for a whole two minutes.
03:46Not enough for you,
03:48but probably the perfect amount for him.
03:52Either way, after that,
03:54I'm going to head to the Lobo.
03:55I made them carry impossible burgers,
03:57so now I've got to eat a whole case in a month.
04:01So, wait.
04:02No one's eating,
04:03and this jar of spaghetti sauce
04:05sounds like an old man getting up off a couch,
04:07so...
04:08I'm out.
04:12Well, the Lobo, again?
04:15So you're just trying to drink
04:16your Ben problems away?
04:18No, it's just a bummer
04:19being home alone every night.
04:21I'm home every night.
04:23I do the math.
04:25So what, you just drink at the Lobo by yourself?
04:27No, I hang out with my buddy Chad.
04:30Chad?
04:31Well, we have a lot in common.
04:33A lot in common with who?
04:35Um, it's not important.
04:36How are things going at the office?
04:37Oh, we are busy.
04:40But, uh, I feel so bad
04:42I'm not going to make it for family dinner night.
04:44Oh, hey, you know what you should do sometime?
04:46Go buy the Lobo.
04:47I hear they got impossible burgers.
04:48Huh?
04:50Really weird move for a bar
04:52whose logo's a wolf
04:53standing over a deer carcass,
04:55but hey, you know?
04:57Love you.
04:57Love you.
05:00That was sketchy.
05:02What?
05:03You were telling me about Chad,
05:04and you totally clammed up
05:06when Ben came in.
05:07I didn't clam up.
05:09I get, like, one minute with him.
05:10I'm not going to waste it
05:11talking about some random guy.
05:13A guy you see every night?
05:15No, he's just a friend
05:16that's going through something.
05:17There's nothing more to it than that.
05:20Let me give you some advice.
05:22If you want people to believe
05:24anything you say,
05:26don't start by saying you have a friend.
05:27Oh, I can't help out for long.
05:55I'm training for my police physical.
05:58Doesn't look stupid at all.
06:02Hey, everybody.
06:04This is Riley.
06:05Hi, Ben.
06:06Hi, Riley.
06:07This is Harris,
06:08and that woman over there
06:11trying to open a Doctor Strange portal
06:13with decaf is Jack.
06:16It's nice to meet you guys.
06:17Oh, stop it.
06:19You're the one who's nice to meet.
06:21You want some breakfast?
06:22No, we can't stay.
06:24I'm just showing them
06:25where to come to pick up lunch.
06:26Riley is a journalism intern
06:29who's soaking up my wisdom,
06:31helping out around the office.
06:32I'm also looking for a paying gig
06:34if you guys hear of anything.
06:35Well, I'm actually hiring servers,
06:39and you'll be done
06:39soaking up Ben's wisdom
06:41in three, two,
06:43when can you start?
06:45I just need to get my stuff.
06:47I'll get back in an hour.
06:47I'm sorry.
06:48I really need the money, man.
06:50So that's it?
06:51I can't believe you're doing this.
06:54You know, for those two hours,
06:58you're like a son to me.
07:03So you just hired somebody
07:05without even asking
07:06if they ever worked
07:07at a restaurant before?
07:09I can tell by talking to a person.
07:12Waiting tables is mostly just personality?
07:13Because it came across
07:15as little, teeny, tiny,
07:17just a little,
07:17just a tiny bit predatory.
07:21If we happen to end up dating,
07:23that's not predatory.
07:24People meet at work all the time.
07:26It's called fate.
07:27It's called sexual harassment
07:29when you hire fate
07:30because it has the ass
07:31of a volleyball player.
07:33Come on, Jackie.
07:35I have no social life.
07:36I'm stuck here.
07:38Well, all I'm saying,
07:39and if you don't act respectably,
07:42people aren't going to
07:44treat you with respect.
07:51Hey, Dad,
07:52what are you doing here?
07:53Hiding from my lawyer.
07:55She keeps pushing me
07:56to be more emotional
07:57for the deposition.
07:58I'm just that good
07:59at opening up.
08:00I drink to get in touch
08:01with my emotions,
08:02but after five or six beers,
08:03I forget what I'm supposed
08:04to be feeling.
08:09You feeling good
08:11about the interview?
08:14I feel like an imposter
08:15who's too old
08:16and too inexperienced
08:17to do the job,
08:18so I have that going for me.
08:21Hey, you know,
08:22if you want to stand out,
08:23you could position yourself
08:24as the one who's shaky
08:25and unqualified.
08:28Do you have anything
08:29that could actually help me?
08:31Oh, I mean,
08:31I am a manager.
08:33I guess there might be
08:34some interview techniques
08:35that could help you.
08:36If there was ever a time
08:37to put aside our differences.
08:38It's when you desperately
08:39need me?
08:41I'll do it anyway.
08:44Okay, one important thing
08:47to do is called mirroring
08:48where you do whatever
08:49the interviewer does
08:50because if they see
08:51themselves in you,
08:52then they'll like you.
08:53Makes sense.
08:56It doesn't work on people
08:58who have years of resentment
08:58towards you.
09:00Okay, another thing
09:01is your posture.
09:03So you want to sit up tall,
09:05no slumping,
09:06hide that old lady hump
09:08you're developing.
09:09That's going to be
09:10a real nice surprise
09:11for Tyler.
09:13And, uh,
09:14oh, wear your glasses.
09:16I don't wear glasses.
09:17Well, you do now.
09:18It makes you look smart.
09:19You got to counteract
09:20the perfect skin
09:21and the blonde hair.
09:24That's the nicest way
09:25you've ever called me stupid.
09:28I'm surprised
09:29you understood that.
09:29Rebecca Conner Healy.
09:37Hello.
09:38Hi.
09:39I'm Sven.
09:40Have a seat.
09:49More than welcome
09:49to sit wherever you'd like,
09:51but might be more
09:52comfortable in a chair.
09:54Oh, I meant to do this.
09:56I don't have any chairs
09:57in my living room.
09:58They're all balls.
10:02Uh, but if there are chairs here,
10:05then I'll try that.
10:13So, I invited you in, Rebecca,
10:15because Dr. Michaels
10:16highly recommended you.
10:17He felt that
10:18since you're a single mom
10:19putting yourself
10:20through grad school,
10:21you could relate
10:22to the stress
10:22that some of our employees
10:23who have kids deal with.
10:25I think that kind
10:26of life experience
10:28is a real plus
10:29for someone who's gonna
10:30head up our new
10:32wellness department.
10:33Did you say
10:34head of the department?
10:35Yes.
10:36This is a management position.
10:38Oh, my God.
10:39That is fantastic.
10:41I am so grateful
10:42that you appreciate
10:43what I've gone through.
10:45You know,
10:45I'm a recovering alcoholic,
10:46and I have learned
10:49so many coping strategies
10:51that I know
10:51can help your employees.
10:53Wait.
10:54Rebecca.
10:56Becky,
10:57I think I remember you
10:59from an AA meeting.
11:00You...
11:01It was the night
11:01you got your three-year chip.
11:02Oh, my God.
11:04That was a big night.
11:06So you know
11:06what I've been through.
11:08No one gets pregnant
11:10in a freezer
11:11on a one-night stand
11:12or blacks out
11:13and loses their kid
11:14or is so out of it
11:17that they don't know
11:18their mother
11:18is hooked on painkillers
11:20without learning
11:20a couple things.
11:21I mean,
11:22I'm sure you have
11:22your own stories.
11:24Full disclosure,
11:25I was only there
11:26to support a friend
11:27who was also
11:27getting their chip.
11:29I saw you,
11:29but I left before you.
11:31Shared.
11:34But thank you.
11:37You're welcome.
11:41Of course you know
11:43that addicts
11:44always exaggerate.
11:46We are such drama queens.
11:48We have a saying.
11:50Take everything I say
11:52with a gram of Coke.
11:58So, hey,
11:59thanks for coming down.
12:00I was thinking
12:01about what you said
12:01about Dan
12:02not wanting to be vulnerable
12:04and I had an idea
12:05about something
12:05that might help him
12:06to open up.
12:07I'd love to hear it.
12:08Okay, well,
12:09one time way back,
12:10we met up with
12:11three of his Irish uncles.
12:13They were visiting.
12:14We went to a pub.
12:15The band broke out
12:16into Danny Boy
12:18and the three old guys
12:19got so emotional
12:20that when Dan saw them,
12:22he started to tear up.
12:24So are you saying
12:25I should have
12:26his crybaby uncle
12:27show up at the deposition
12:28and play Danny Boy?
12:29No, no, no, no.
12:30I'm just saying that,
12:31no, maybe
12:32right before you go in,
12:35oh, Danny Boy.
12:37I'm not doing that.
12:38The pipes,
12:39the pipes are calling.
12:40Nope, you can stop right there.
12:41His name is Dan.
12:42I got that.
12:43Oh, Danny Boy.
12:44It's not happening.
12:46So maybe
12:47he doesn't want
12:48to open up to you
12:49because you're so negative
12:50when somebody
12:51has a good idea.
12:52They don't feel safe.
12:53You know what might
12:55make Dan feel safe?
12:56Why don't you put
12:56a bell around your neck
12:58so he hears you coming?
12:59And when you come back
13:00to respond to that,
13:01will you bring me a beer?
13:05Right, you did say
13:06no cheese, extra pickle,
13:07no mayo mustard on the side.
13:08Yeah, and this is
13:09an eggplant parm?
13:11Yeah.
13:12I ordered a burger.
13:14I, um,
13:14I should write this stuff down.
13:16Um, do you know
13:18who ordered
13:19the eggplant parm?
13:20Wow.
13:24He was clearly
13:25oxygen-deprived
13:26at some point in his life.
13:28That's the closest
13:29he's gotten to getting
13:30an order right
13:31in the last two days.
13:33Keep walking.
13:37You gotta let him go.
13:38I know.
13:40Earlier,
13:41he dropped a pie
13:41on a baby.
13:43If I fire him,
13:44he's never gonna
13:45want to go out with me.
13:46That's a chance you take
13:47when you dabble
13:47in the skin trade.
13:50Okay, here's a suggestion.
13:54Maybe on your
13:55next job interview,
13:56you steer the conversation
13:58towards your computer skills
13:59and away from the fact
14:01that you blacked out
14:02and couldn't find your baby.
14:04See?
14:05This is the bar.
14:06It's just a bunch
14:07of sad old drunks
14:08like I told you.
14:09That's Chad,
14:10the guy I was telling you about.
14:12And I assume
14:13the woman who looks like
14:14she wants to kill him
14:15is his wife.
14:16Oh, yeah,
14:17that's how he describes her, too.
14:18Oh, and blonde.
14:19You're wasting your time
14:21dragging me in here.
14:22It's not gonna change anything.
14:23I just wanna show you
14:24that it's not some
14:25pickup joint.
14:26It's just a regular
14:27neighborhood bar
14:27with cheap booze
14:29and, for some reason,
14:29impossible burgers.
14:32Oh, so you meet
14:33drunk, cheap vegans
14:35who live nearby
14:35and take them
14:36to sleazy hotels?
14:38Wait, did she just
14:39accuse him of cheating?
14:40Because I've been here
14:41with him every night
14:42for weeks
14:43and he's never
14:43picked up anybody.
14:44Don't get in the middle,
14:45Darlene.
14:46But he's a good guy.
14:47I feel like I gotta go
14:49over there
14:49and help him out.
14:50Yeah, I gotta go
14:51pick up Beverly Rose
14:52at her dad's.
14:53I'll see you later
14:53when I bail your ass out.
14:59Just so I can tell
15:00my attorney
15:00which one of these
15:01old neighborhood skanks
15:02are you shacking up with?
15:04Hi.
15:05I am so sorry.
15:07I couldn't help
15:08but overhear
15:09and I feel obligated
15:10to tell you
15:10that I've been here
15:11every night
15:12for the past few weeks
15:13and I have never
15:14seen your husband
15:15pick up a woman.
15:16I mean, like, not once.
15:17Thanks, Darlene,
15:18but I think you're
15:19giving CPR to a dead guy here.
15:22Oh.
15:22Oh, Darlene.
15:24What, are you watching
15:24from the minute he comes in
15:25until the minute
15:26he leaves, Darlene?
15:27I can do you one better.
15:29I sit at a table
15:29with him night after night.
15:32Oh, that really won't help.
15:37So you've been hanging out
15:38with my husband every night?
15:39Yeah.
15:40I've been keeping an eye
15:41on the rascal,
15:42a very well-behaved rascal.
15:48You are welcome.
15:50For what?
15:51For having an affair
15:52with my husband?
15:54You can pick up your things
15:55on the front lawn.
15:56Just sign the divorce papers.
15:59Oh, no.
16:01Don't go.
16:05I just couldn't sit there
16:06and let her treat you
16:07like that,
16:08but obviously,
16:09I just made things
16:11so much worse.
16:13All right,
16:13I better get home.
16:14I'm so sorry.
16:16No, stay.
16:18If ever I needed
16:19an old neighborhood skank
16:20to talk to,
16:20it's now.
16:22All right,
16:23I'm going with
16:23you're mad at all women
16:24right now,
16:25so I'm going to let that slide.
16:27Yeah, I'll grab us some drinks.
16:28Two vodka sodas?
16:32Gotcha.
16:34Look, I, uh,
16:35I think you're making
16:36the right choice.
16:37Oh, vodka soda's my go-to
16:38whenever I'm feeling
16:39kind of bloated.
16:41Yeah,
16:41I was actually talking
16:42about, um,
16:43going with the girlfriend
16:44instead of the wife.
16:46Oh, she's not my girlfriend.
16:48She just came over
16:48to try and help.
16:49You sure she was
16:50trying to help?
16:51She's here every night
16:52for a reason.
16:53Maybe she was trying
16:55to blow it up.
16:57Oh, wow.
16:58Maybe she was.
17:07Hey.
17:08Ben Olinsky,
17:09is that you?
17:11I cheat you
17:12in an eye on 20 years.
17:15Yeah,
17:15I've been homesteading
17:16where the old
17:17hair salon used to be.
17:18You know,
17:19out there by the old
17:19Starbucks place.
17:22Yeah,
17:22I've been pretty scarce.
17:23Man,
17:24it's been a lot of work.
17:25Yeah.
17:25What are you doing?
17:26Oh,
17:27I'm cramming
17:27for my deposition.
17:29These are Roseanne's
17:30old medical records.
17:31Yeah,
17:32it turns out
17:32she had acid reflux,
17:33but she never told me.
17:35So mine would be
17:36in the spotlight.
17:37She was sweet like that.
17:40Yeah,
17:41I wish I could have met her.
17:42I understand a lot
17:43more of your family's jokes.
17:48How'd the interview go?
17:49I almost fell off a ball.
17:51Did you lose your balance
17:54when you tried
17:54to catch the fish?
18:00I feel stupid
18:01for being so honest,
18:02but it's because
18:04I felt so emotional
18:05about everything
18:06that happened to me.
18:07I wanted him to know
18:08that I learned from it.
18:09You know,
18:10there's no shame
18:11in being vulnerable
18:12with people
18:13about your toughest moments.
18:15He could be proud
18:15you survived them.
18:16It's good advice
18:17coming from a guy
18:18who needs to do
18:18the same thing
18:19in a deposition.
18:20Why must you lurk around
18:23listening to other
18:24people's conversations?
18:26Because I care about people
18:27and because I'm so bored
18:29I could cry.
18:33She's not wrong.
18:35Maybe we should both
18:36wear our scars proudly.
18:38Not how I was raised.
18:40My parents said
18:40if you tell everybody
18:41about your problems,
18:42you sound weak.
18:44Of course,
18:44between the two of them,
18:46you could teach a course
18:46in ulcers,
18:47alcoholism,
18:48and IBS.
18:50Probably wouldn't hurt me
18:51to try something different.
18:52Now you're talking.
18:55Yeah,
18:56I'm never gonna
18:57remember all of that.
18:59Why don't we just
18:59cut out the middleman
19:00and you go tell the coop
19:01what you want?
19:03I'm so sorry.
19:04Riley,
19:05let's talk for a second.
19:06Yeah.
19:11So,
19:12hmm,
19:14I have to
19:16fire you.
19:18Yeah.
19:18No, that makes sense.
19:19I suck at this.
19:21I'm more of a
19:22journalism nerd.
19:23I don't know why
19:23you didn't fire me sooner.
19:25Well,
19:25in my defense,
19:26I mean,
19:26you've only been
19:27working here for two days.
19:29And
19:30you're cute.
19:32I just,
19:33I took this job
19:34because I thought
19:34you were cute.
19:35Oh.
19:36I wanted to ask you out,
19:37but I don't,
19:38um,
19:39have a job now.
19:40So,
19:41you'll have to pay.
19:42Uh,
19:43why don't we just
19:45eat here?
19:46The help sucks,
19:47but the food's okay.
19:48Yeah.
19:50I understand.
19:52Thank you for calling.
19:55That was the tech company.
19:56I got the job.
20:01Oh,
20:01boy.
20:01Woo.
20:03I'm the head
20:03of the wellness division.
20:05Ah.
20:05I'm in charge
20:06of a big important thing
20:08where I'm actually
20:09going to be making
20:10a big difference.
20:11Blah, blah, blah.
20:12How much money?
20:14A lot.
20:15A lot.
20:15A lot.
20:16What's a lot?
20:16A lot for a conor
20:17or a lot for a guy
20:18that could buy
20:18four new tires at once?
20:21Four new tires
20:22and a spare.
20:23Oh, damn.
20:24I'm riding with you
20:25this winter.
20:26We gotta celebrate.
20:27Oh, yeah.
20:28Let's go to that
20:28expensive Italian restaurant
20:30in Hoffman Estates.
20:31Oh, thank you,
20:32but you can't afford that.
20:33But you can.
20:34Tis I'll be