Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a man with no penis who is wondering if he's an a-hole for peeing in a friends shower. This leads to a conversation about peeing in other people's showers and even some people who poop in there.
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00:00A guy is wondering if he's the a-hole.
00:10A house guest has voiced his anguish after confessing that he urinated in a friend's
00:16new home, prompting her to cut off all contact with him.
00:22He said because of his condition...
00:25Mm-hmm.
00:26Okay, this is different than I thought.
00:30I missed the part about he doesn't have a penis.
00:33What?
00:35He has a condition.
00:37Okay.
00:38Where apparently he wasn't blessed.
00:42Not a sex change, not a...
00:44No, just nothing, like a eunuch.
00:47His message is this.
00:51Staying at a friend's place for a few months over spring break, we'll call her Natalie.
00:55Natalie and I have been friends for a while, but we haven't been able to hang out as much
00:58since she graduated.
00:59This is my first time seeing her place and our first time spending the night together.
01:03No romantic involvement here.
01:05Obviously, there's no equipment to...
01:07Well, how are we going to be romantic?
01:10I don't know how romantic...
01:10You got a tongue, Lees.
01:12Tongue and fingers.
01:12Oh, yeah, but I mean, all bets are off when I'm...
01:15Dave can find a way to make it work.
01:17If I'm a Ken doll with balls, I don't think I'm making too many moves on anybody.
01:24We're good.
01:25We're just friends.
01:28Oh, my God.
01:30I figured that.
01:31You were friend-zoned again just because of your balls?
01:34Yeah, all I've got is balls.
01:36If I even have them, I don't even know if I've got them.
01:40I have no idea what's going on down there with me.
01:42Sorry for the guy, but...
01:44Yeah, no.
01:45No romance.
01:46Nah.
01:48So, yes, no romance.
01:49He says, as a guy without a penis, I can't pee standing up.
01:54However, when I shower, I can pee.
01:57It just goes down the drain, washes off my leg if I aim badly.
02:00I shower every night before bed and just always pee.
02:04It's totally satisfying.
02:05I don't really talk to my friends about it or anything,
02:07but my whole family pees in the shower.
02:09I just assumed it was normal.
02:11Anyway, last week, Natalie and I hanging out with some of our friends.
02:14Somehow, we started talking about peeing,
02:15and so, of course, peeing in the shower came up.
02:17Okay, how awful are these friends?
02:21There was awkward silence.
02:23Natalie approached me and nervously asked me,
02:26Did you pee in my shower?
02:30And I said, yeah.
02:32She got really quiet, and the whole thing got awkward.
02:35She kind of shuffled away,
02:36and we sort of avoided each other for the rest of the evening.
02:38Later, one of our mutual friends texted me to tell me Natalie was really uncomfortable
02:42to learn that I pee in her shower,
02:43and she was reconsidering whether she'd let me stay with her again.
02:47I texted her about it directly and apologized,
02:50but she hasn't replied yet.
02:52So am I the a-hole for peeing in her shower?
02:54Yes.
02:54I mean, I get it.
02:55You are.
02:56You know who the a-holes are?
02:58You know who the a-holes are?
02:59The group of friends that starts talking about peeing
03:03when they know that the one guy there doesn't have a penis.
03:06You can still pee, though.
03:08I know, but I wouldn't.
03:09It'd be the last thing I'm talking about.
03:11But you wanted to share that he did that.
03:14Do they know?
03:14He seems pretty upbeat about it.
03:16He is.
03:16He's probably-
03:17Yeah, his biggest concern is that Natalie's upset
03:20that he peed in the shower.
03:22I mean, you don't have a penis.
03:23Yeah.
03:25Let's focus on the priorities here.
03:27No penis, no sex ever, no masturbation, no finishing ever.
03:33I mean-
03:33Peeing in Natalie's shower.
03:35No one wants to get romantic with you?
03:38I just think every guy has peed in your shower, ladies.
03:42Sorry.
03:43They have the water.
03:45I think a lot of guys have peed in your shower.
03:47Yeah.
03:48I think so.
03:48I'm thankful that I'm with a guy who does not do that
03:50because I am anti.
03:52That is like one of the worst things that you could do.
03:54It's disgusting.
03:55I'm peeing in every shower I get it.
03:57So they ask people,
03:58do you think it's acceptable to pee in a friend's shower?
04:01Yes or no?
04:02I'm not sure it's acceptable to shower at a friend's.
04:05Shower at a friend's.
04:06Well, I mean, you're staying at them.
04:07Yeah.
04:08It's not just like you went over for dinner.
04:10Yeah.
04:10Hey, you guys mind-
04:11Chip was popping the shower for a minute.
04:13Imagine I'm just over for whatever,
04:16like to hang out for a minute.
04:17Oh, it's Chuck.
04:17He loves to shower.
04:18Yeah.
04:18I'm like, I come down, I'm soaked.
04:21It's like, oh, what happened?
04:22Oh, you know, I had to pee,
04:23so I got your shower going.
04:25So if you were a guest at someone's place,
04:28you would pee in their shower?
04:31Without any-
04:31Like you were staying with them?
04:32Without any question,
04:33pee right on all other stuff.
04:35Why?
04:36Pee in your own shower, that's fine,
04:37but don't-
04:38Or in a hotel, I guess.
04:39That's disgusting to you.
04:40I wouldn't pee in a friend's shower.
04:41But why?
04:43Why would you do that?
04:44Are you in full circles?
04:45You don't just aim right at the drain?
04:47My goodness.
04:47Oh, man, I'll put it anywhere.
04:48Oh, man.
04:49I'm going to remember that next time you come over to my house.
04:51Make sure all of your house guests are hearing this, hopefully.
04:55Like, if you stay with someone,
04:57know that they will pee in your shower.
04:59I think you're seeing 53% of people will pee in anyone's shower.
05:03Have no problem with it.
05:04Yeah.
05:04It's only 47% that got-
05:07Well, I don't have a lot of guests.
05:08Well, that's just it.
05:09Don't have guests, for sure, 100%.
05:12You don't know what-
05:12Remove the shower, put a bathtub in.
05:13You think that that's-
05:14How many guests are jerking off in your shower?
05:16Oh, my God, stop it.
05:17I'm just saying!
05:18How many do that in a friend's house?
05:20They're just thrown upon, too!
05:22What?
05:22What's wrong with that?
05:24Listen, man, there-
05:24You animals.
05:25It's in the shower!
05:26There are dudes that that's where they do it.
05:30Come on.
05:30It's going right down the drain.
05:31There are dudes that that is where they do it every day.
05:36And so, to me, it'll be a smaller-
05:37It won't be 53%, but it's a percentage.
05:41I'm not changing my morning routine just because I stayed the night at your house.
05:46Especially a hotel room.
05:47Billy's with us in Lexington.
05:49Hi, Billy.
05:49Hi, guys.
05:51I'm listening to this, and I'm kind of baffled, and I heard, Lisa, you know, you're saying
05:55that definitely don't pee in my shower.
05:57So, what would you rather, somebody that crapped their pants and then jumped in your shower
06:02to wash it off, or pee in your shower?
06:06I don't understand this.
06:07What?
06:07So, just, uh, the shower is a place that, say, if I was at staying with you, Lisa, I'm
06:14staying over at your place, and I had an unfortunate incident where I crapped my pants.
06:20Well, I hope you could clean it up before you got in the shower.
06:22Well, the shower, what he's saying is the shower is made for cleaning.
06:26Yeah, but usually people don't have poop all over themselves.
06:29You hope not.
06:30Do people do that?
06:31What?
06:31Do people poop, don't wipe, and just jump in the shower?
06:34Yes.
06:34Yes.
06:35Oh, my God.
06:36Yeah.
06:36Clean up before you get in the shower.
06:39Oh, my God.
06:39Have you ever heard the saying, like, oh, this, uh, oh, I'll have to shower now?
06:43Yeah, but I thought that's because they were so dirty, but they still didn't think it was
06:49enough.
06:49Well, and I think maybe even if they did a little bit of cleaning and knew it wasn't
06:54enough, they're jumping right in.
06:55I had a roommate that would just jump right in.
06:57Oh, I think I remember you saying that.
06:58He would forget to flush the toilet.
06:59Oh, God.
07:00To the point where I had to threaten him to increase his rent.
07:04Right.
07:04If he does it again.
07:05See, there you go.
07:06See, because that's the thing, right?
07:07Because you saw the toilet with not a paper in it.
07:11No toilet paper.
07:11One big, long, brown snake in a wet shower.
07:16And I'm like, what the hell?
07:17What the hell happened in the bathroom?
07:19This is all I'm saying.
07:21I mean, I understand it's gross.
07:22Some people can't deal with it.
07:24No, people are disgusting.
07:25Yes.
07:26There is at least a group.
07:30They are dirty animals.
07:31Yeah.
07:31Just sounds like me.
07:33No, it's true.
07:34There are people that wash their butt in a fountain and just, like, put their hand in it.
07:39In a fountain.
07:39They are homeless people.
07:41No, I think it's not.
07:42That's not what homeless people do, not people with holes.
07:44It's not.
07:45It's not.
07:46I just feel like if I ever have a guest, I'll never be the same after this conversation.
07:51I'll be like, listen, I don't want to be a stickler, but there are some rules here.
07:56You can't poop in my shower.
07:58You can't poop.
07:58I wipe before you go in the shower.
08:00Are you one of those people that poops, doesn't wipe, and then gets into the shower?
08:03Don't do that.
08:04Don't do that.
08:04By the way, it's called the dump and jump.
08:06No, don't do that.
08:07The dump and jump.
08:08Are you a dumper and jumper?
08:10Don't jerk off in my shower.
08:13Don't pee.
08:13Don't you pee in my shower.
08:16It's like you're bathing in a toilet, basically, at that point.
08:19That's what it becomes, yeah.
08:20It's not a toilet.
08:21It's a bathing space.
08:22It is a bathing space.
08:24Cleanse.
08:25Cleanse yourself.
08:28Get clean.
08:30Renewed.
08:31Sanitized.
08:35Man.
08:36Yep.
08:36Got to bleach everything down.
08:38My ex-wife clogged my shower with a turd.
08:42We've talked about that through the past, and it just still blows my mind.
08:46Yeah, I know.
08:46But a lady.
08:47Well, anyone.
08:49But yes.
08:49That's why she's their ex, right?
08:50Right.
08:51Oh, yeah.
08:51If I find a lady's turd in my shower.
08:54What has happened?
08:54You, like, trusted a friend.
08:56I am shipping her out of the country.
08:58I am putting her on a plane and sending her to a different land.
09:01Deported.
09:02Get in there, and you plunge the shower.
09:04Oh, that's so gross.
09:06Listen, I don't.
09:07I'll just tell you this.
09:08Dear God, where's ice?
09:09I'll tell you this right now.
09:11It's not going, and it's still in there.
09:15There are parts of it still down that drain.
09:17Oh, in the drain?
09:18Yeah, that drain's not meant for fecal matter.
09:19I mean, it's not meant for that.
09:21I mean, it's down there somewhere.
09:23With the centipedes.
09:24Yeah.
09:25Yep.
09:25It's feeding time for the centipedes.
09:30Do what you want in your own shower, right?
09:32That's up to you.
09:33That's your shower.
09:33That's your shower.
09:34Do whatever you want.
09:35You're sharing that with anyone.
09:37Right.
09:37That's when you have to be more considerate.
09:39Yes.
09:40And the guy with no penis who is peeing in his friend's shower, you should never have
09:46told her, I guess, because you just ruined that relationship.
09:48Right.
09:49And friends, if you know someone doesn't have a penis, stay away from any kind of penis-related
09:54topics.
09:54Don't talk about anything to do with penises.
09:57Don't talk about anything to do with penises.