Therapy Thursday: How To Keep A Child His Your Life After A Breakup From The Mom?
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00:00All right, Therapy Thursday is where we talk out our problems.
00:04And when I say our, I'm being kind.
00:06It's really your problems.
00:07888-429-0941.
00:09Get in on us.
00:10Meredith MD, are you ready?
00:12Oh, I definitely am today.
00:13Rich the resident, are you ready?
00:15Emotional support Rich.
00:17Emotional support Rich is in the building.
00:20Orlando, your OBGYN is here for you as well.
00:24We got all of your questions out of the 727.
00:27It says, my boyfriend and I tried to cut our drinking because we were hung over almost every weekend.
00:34And it was wearing us out.
00:36But without it, we're not as much of a good time.
00:39Are we alcoholics?
00:41Needing drinks feels sad, but it's obvious we're happier when we're drinking.
00:46Tell us what to do.
00:47It doesn't mean you're an alcoholic.
00:49I just think like maybe you're used to partying and living that certain lifestyle.
00:54And if you're going to choose a sober life, it does take a while to adjust to that.
01:00I mean, give yourself a little bit of some space and a little bit of breath and learn different things that you can do to make you happy.
01:06It's muscle memory.
01:08If you're drinking and you're used to turning up that way or feeling that vibe in you, that venom, and you're like, oh, now I'm ready to have a good time, then that's going to take a minute.
01:17And you kind of find some other paths.
01:19It doesn't mean you're an alcoholic, but it does mean you might be alcohol dependent.
01:23And you can come off of that.
01:24And your situation might be alcohol dependent.
01:26So give yourself some time.
01:27Don't go back to the liquor real quick.
01:29Just find yourself some stuff that might not include liquor.
01:32And I got to tell you, there ain't many.
01:34There's not many of those things out there, but there are.
01:37I mean, like, you know, water sports and things like that.
01:39Hit some jet skis or whatever.
01:41And just when it's time to hit the pier and go drink, then go home and do some other stuff.
01:46Just, you know, but if you are doing it as a team, that's a good look.
01:48It's much harder to do it with one person when the other person is still running around smelling like, you know, Tito's.
01:54So, you know, do what you got to do.
01:56Not drinking is a mental thing just as much as it is a physical thing.
02:00So I know a lot of people take it from somebody that was drinking for a long time and stopped.
02:05I thought that I needed to drink to have fun.
02:08But then you realize and get more comfortable not drinking.
02:12And also you find different ways to have fun without it.
02:15And it actually becomes a lot more fun.
02:19It's a habit.
02:20Yes.
02:20We're habitual.
02:22We got a question out of the 941.
02:25It's pretty long, so I'm going to have to paraphrase it.
02:27It says, would you guys pursue this in court?
02:29There's so much to this story.
02:31Okay.
02:32It says, keeping a long story short, me and my ex-girl broke up a month and a half ago.
02:37And on that day, she said, I was mad at her, which I wasn't at all.
02:43But she decided to start packing when she got home from work.
02:46When I asked her where she was going, she said, minding my business.
02:50Then tells me to round up all the clothes she got me over the years.
02:55And, of course, I said, hell no, because it's my stuff no matter who got it for me.
03:00So then she proceeds to break two of my 55-inch televisions.
03:06She put holes in my walls.
03:08She tried putting her hands on me and then comes back to my house at 6 a.m.
03:12After I kicked her out when she knew I would be gone to work.
03:16And she took more stuff.
03:18My family is telling me to let this go.
03:21And it's just material stuff.
03:23But it's more of the principle for me.
03:26If me as a black man in America did something like this, there would be massive consequences every time.
03:33P.S.
03:34I did not cheat.
03:35For sure.
03:36I mean, you have a big point here.
03:38I would definitely not.
03:40I don't want to mess with that.
03:41That sounds like a Tasmanian devil just waiting to explode again.
03:46Run away from the situation as far as you can.
03:48I wouldn't ask for any money.
03:49I wouldn't ask for any TV.
03:51I would just move on with my life.
03:52Wait, wait, why don't you have to pay any kind of restitution for what you did?
03:57Should you?
03:57Yes, absolutely.
03:59Me, personally, that is such an explosive situation.
04:04It's scary.
04:05That's a terrifying thing to go through.
04:08I mean, I don't know if there was a lot of physical abuse, too.
04:11I mean, you're terrible.
04:12Yeah, that's what she said.
04:12Yeah, no, no, no, no.
04:13I don't want nothing to do with that at all.
04:15Those are actions from a person that has already checked out.
04:18And they have no, like, you can't talk them into trying to stay.
04:23It's not even about staying.
04:25You ruined, like, stuff that costs to replace.
04:28I mean, you can go after, like, legally and all that stuff if you want to.
04:31That's also going to cost you at the same time.
04:33I would just be, like, wrapping up.
04:34Consequences are consequences.
04:35And you said it right.
04:36If you did this, police would have showed up at the door, and you would have been in bracelets.
04:41So I think you need to make sure you take an itemized list to a lawyer and say, this is what happened.
04:46This is the evidence.
04:47Show them the text pages and all that other stuff.
04:49And make some consequences.
04:51You ain't got to get back in the relationship.
04:52That's over.
04:53I wouldn't let the heifer back in my house at all.
04:55But I'm going to make sure that somebody's going to pay for my stuff.
04:57You want them to be held accountable for their actions.
05:00Absolutely.
05:00I don't think you're wrong for that.
05:02And I don't think that's petty at all.
05:03So I think you need to get that in.
05:04I think cut bait, be done with it.
05:06Cut bait?
05:07We got one out of the 863.
05:09Says, Freak Show, I'm in the process of filing for divorce from my wife.
05:14Don't really need advice about that part, but my stepson is most affected by this.
05:19He has his dad every other weekend that he spends where he would be with us the rest of the time.
05:26He's openly told me in this process that he wants to stay with me when he is not with his father.
05:31But with the divorce happening, me and his mother won't be together.
05:35So I'm lost about how to still fit in with this really good child.
05:40He's been in my life for six and a half years.
05:43I don't know what legal rights you have after a divorce as a stepfather.
05:46So let me just put that out there.
05:48But I really feel like I was in a similar situation as a child.
05:52And then my mom divorced my stepdad.
05:55And I just wish he wanted to keep and maintain a loving relationship with me.
06:00So I would do my best.
06:01Here's my advice.
06:02I would do my best to see if you could spend time with the child.
06:05Ask the mother.
06:07Ask the father if it's okay that you can take them or he can spend the night or anything like that.
06:11And really, I mean, you could be the person that they could lean on during such a difficult time.
06:16And they need that right now.
06:17It's not that much time in the week, though.
06:19Like, if you got one weekend with your mama, you got two weekends with your mama and two weekends with your real dad.
06:26Right.
06:26And now your mama then broke up with her man.
06:30So now we're trying to find weekends for him, too.
06:32Like, I mean, it doesn't matter what it is.
06:35It doesn't even have to be spending the night.
06:36It could be a pickup after school, going to a game, being supportive, talking on the phone.
06:40Like, anything like that to help maintain the relationship.
06:42Keep a relationship.
06:42And the communication open.
06:44Because, trust me, the kid is going through it just as much as the mom and you.
06:48If you, what I did notice when you said he wants to stay with you.
06:51I think you need to define that to the kid and say, hey, where you stay doesn't mean who's in your life.
06:56I'm important in your life.
06:57We have built a relationship that ain't going to end.
07:00So wherever you live, I'm still here for you.
07:02You can always reach out, hit me, digitally, FaceTime, whatever it is that you're going to do.
07:06So that, you know, can at least show the kid that you're not bailing on him.
07:10Don't disappear.
07:11All right.
07:11So that's a good look.
07:12So that's a good look.