Therapy Thursday: A Dad Needs Help When He Found Out His Son Was Beat Up By A Girl.
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00:00Therapy Thursday is where we jump in with any kind of question.
00:04We always feel that it's better to talk it out sometimes if it's silly or if it's serious.
00:09We can handle it, Dr. Davi.
00:10Let's do it.
00:11All right, Meredith M.D.
00:12Hello.
00:13Orlando B.G.Y.N. is here for your queries.
00:17All right, 888-429-0941.
00:20We have out of the 941 freak show.
00:23My son got into a fight at the park on Monday.
00:26He came home with a bloody lip that looked a lot worse than it was but wouldn't give us any information other than he got into a fight.
00:34I took him back to handle it and found out that it was a girl at the park.
00:39I wasn't ready for that twist.
00:42We left.
00:43His mama's going to handle it now.
00:44Oh, damn.
00:45What was I supposed to do?
00:47I think we need to make sure that our boy can fight, right, in general.
00:51I think that's an important part of this.
00:53Yeah.
00:54You can't let somebody step up to you like that.
00:56Use Ds.
00:57Yeah, male or female.
00:58You're not supposed to take them back, though, because, like, once you leave the fight, the fight should be over.
01:04It shouldn't be like, I'm going to go get somebody and I'll be back.
01:07That's how things escalate.
01:09So I think Dad was wrong for that.
01:11Like, once the fight's over, you get in a fight at the park, you leave the park, that fight is supposed to be dead.
01:17What if you're going to get a big brother?
01:18See, that's not the move you're supposed to make, because then that's how guns get involved.
01:24That's how things escalate.
01:26If you got beat up by a girl, I see why you wanted to leave the park, don't go back.
01:31Matter of fact, don't go to that park no more.
01:32You can't go to the park.
01:34You got beat up by a girl.
01:35If you're the dad, you're saying, okay, your son walks in, got bloodied up, and you're like, boy, what happened?
01:42He said, I got in a fight.
01:43Right.
01:44He didn't get jumped.
01:45He didn't get beat up by a group of people.
01:47I got in a fight.
01:48And you lost.
01:48Yeah.
01:49We got to work on your hands.
01:51So you're not taking him back?
01:53No.
01:53You're not going to talk to any parents?
01:55No.
01:56Not probably.
01:57I'm going to enroll you in Taekwondo or something like that.
01:59Would you go, if your kid popped in with a bloody anything, are you going to talk to some parents, or are you going to leave it on the field like that?
02:07I do some investigation.
02:08Like, I don't think I would go back to the park.
02:11That's not really something that I would personally do.
02:14As long as it wasn't somebody, like, older, somebody picking on you, if this was a mutually agreed upon battle, and you lost that battle, you lived a battle another day.
02:24You don't go back.
02:25That's true.
02:26Okay.
02:26All right.
02:27I'm going back to the park.
02:28This one's also about a kid.
02:30It says, my son got ripped off buying a car.
02:33The car he bought was good, but the deal he made was awful.
02:37They got over on him on his trade-in, and they approved him for a lot more than he can really afford.
02:42I want to go up there and make them do right by him, but he's 23, and I also feel like if I go save him, he won't learn from this.
02:50I don't know if there's anything you can do about that.
02:52He already signed the paperwork.
02:53You can't do nothing on that.
02:54Yeah.
02:55I mean, you can just call or talk to the manager.
02:57It sounds like being a Karen, but I mean, just to find out what really happened.
03:01Talk to the manager.
03:03Yeah, because obviously he doesn't know what happened.
03:05So, I mean, you got to talk to the salesperson or whatever if you want to help out, but it sounds like you just got got.
03:10There's no, like, three-day thing where you can bring this car back or something like that?
03:14There is that.
03:15There is, like, a lemon law that whatever.
03:18That's for new cars only.
03:19Is that?
03:20That's for new cars.
03:21Nope, it's not because I went through that.
03:22It's not for used cars.
03:23When you flooded your car?
03:24No, that's a different.
03:26Thank you very much.
03:27That's a different lemon law.
03:27I know my mom got taken by, she had a lease, and my dad had it set up for her, and after he passed, she went to the dealer who was his guy, and they got over on her major.
03:42And because me and my nephew started calling and calling and calling, and then I had to throw out there, hey, I work for CBS Radio.
03:50I had to leave him some emails with CBS Radio.
03:53I was like, we're the same CBS who has CBS News in Chicago, and I could easily, and I started trying to float that out there, and they let her come back and undo the deal after, like, a week.
04:04She's lucky.
04:04So, I'm saying they don't have to do those things.
04:07You have to really get nasty to try and get that done.
04:10But they don't, they're going to look at it like he was a 23-year-old kid that wasn't taken advantage of, and you got screwed, you know?
04:16So, now you just got to either help him out of it or whatever.
04:20But going back, talking to the manager, I don't think that's going to get you any help.
04:23I mean, do what you can.
04:24I mean, you're a parent.
04:25This says every day, every car has a seven-day return policy in the state of Florida.
04:28You better get your ass over there, then.
04:30Get over there, then.
04:30Don't waste your days.
04:32Yeah.
04:32There you go.
04:33You wrote us.
04:33That's good to know.
04:34Get out there.
04:34You got a couple more days left.
04:36All right, let's see here.
04:38I have one.
04:38It says, I'm single, and the dating world is extremely difficult nowadays.
04:42There is a guy that I've been crushing on.
04:44I would like to take the next step, but I'm not sure how to approach it.
04:48What advice would you guys give me to help shoot my shot?
04:51What would get you guys interested?
04:53Oh, that's so hard.
04:55I'd say go for it.
04:57You don't wait for him to make plans or initiate it.
05:01I say it's 2023, women go for what they want oftentimes, and as a dude, I would honestly
05:08find that flattering.
05:09What's the method, though?
05:10I think she's looking for it.
05:11Hey, do you want to go out and have a drink sometime or get some food or go do X, Y, and
05:16Z?
05:17Just an invite.
05:18Just, yeah, throw it in the air.
05:21Let him know that you're interested in hanging out.
05:24I want to see you.
05:24I'd say start talking about restaurants or something that's going on, and then be like,
05:28oh, I like this, and then go from there and see if you guys can make a date like that.
05:32If it depends on how you met them, because, I mean, did they say?
05:35Nope, nope.
05:36Okay, because if it's like an app and you got some kind of information about them, find
05:39some common area and then make a kind of an invite that way.
05:43Like, hey, I saw you like, and I like, you want to go check it out together?
05:47Something like that.
05:48Be prepared to hear no and that they're not interested and be okay with that.
05:52Set yourself up for a little bit of heartbreak there.
05:55That way, you're not going to hurt so bad.
05:57And you know what?
05:58It'll be easier to shoot your next shot.
06:00If he says no for whatever reason, there's going to be somebody else, and it's going to
06:03be easier for you.
06:04You're going to have less apprehension to be, you know, forthwith and wanting to make it
06:09happen.
06:09And the best advice is that no won't kill you.
06:12Right.
06:12So, you know, that's the best thing you should know.
06:14Life lesson.
06:15Facts.
06:15You know, if you get a no, it ain't going to kill you.
06:17Because if you, I remember Jamie, God bless, I remember Jamie Fox said this.
06:21He said, you ask a hundred people, people concentrate on the 70 people who said no, but the 30 people
06:26who said yes, you're living.
06:28Yes.
06:28You know, so don't worry about the no.
06:30Man.
06:30And I did that.
06:31Come on, Jamie.
06:32I just remembered that thing.
06:33I'm like, come on, man.
06:34I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years.
06:37We have a four-year-old son.
06:39Every time I raise my voice a little bit for our child for something that he's not doing
06:44right, my boyfriend seems to get in my face like I'm the one who's doing something
06:48wrong, like I'm the child that did something wrong.
06:52It's starting, it's starting to be a lot and we start to fight a lot more about it.
06:58What can I do with this situation?
07:01Okay.
07:01So you don't want to check your significant other when they're trying to reprimand the
07:05kid because then the kid's getting mixed signals and then maybe they're not going to
07:09necessarily listen to the mom or the dad.
07:11They, you want to make sure you're on the same page.
07:13It's okay to not always agree about how to handle the kids.
07:16I would say you both need to have a conversation about how you're going to handle things in
07:20the future.
07:21And if you don't like how I'm raising my voice or my tone or anything like that, you know,
07:25give me a signal, look at me or something like that, but don't do that in front of
07:28my kid.
07:29I don't even like the signal or the look.
07:31Like just wait until we get on our own.
07:32That's what, exactly.
07:34Talk about it.
07:35Don't do it in front of, like we supposed to be a team.
07:37Right.
07:38Exactly.
07:38That should be the conversation.
07:39When he goes to bed and then you get in bed with him, you're like, listen here.
07:43We need to be a team.
07:44I take care of you.
07:45You take care of me.
07:46That little hell you're not there is extra.
07:48It's us against him.
07:50So don't be like getting mad at me because I get loud.
07:53You get loud.
07:54Like, you know what I'm saying?
07:55Like we should be able to get loud.
07:56And also I feel like that's healthy.
07:57If you can actually have a healthy argument, if there is such a thing, I mean, people do
08:02yell.
08:02People will get upset.
08:03Your voice is going to be raised and that's okay for a child to see as long as you do it
08:07in a respectful manner.
08:08Absolutely.
08:10Don't check your partner.
08:10Don't check me.
08:11It's not good.
08:11You got one more time.
08:13Right.
08:14Check me and you got some crunchy arsenic in your tuna.
08:17Let him know.
08:18I'm going to take you out.
08:20Out the 813.
08:20It says, my girlfriend keeps having falling outs with people.
08:23We've been together about nine months and she has lost a lot of friends in the meantime.
08:27Is this a red flag or am I looking too deep into this?
08:30No.
08:31Yeah.
08:31That's a red flag.
08:32That's a big one.
08:33That's a red flag.
08:34You ain't got no friends left.
08:35Yeah.
08:35Right.
08:36There are people out there that don't have any friends though.
08:39Not even like a one.
08:39Or that oftentimes have fallen outs with acquaintances.
08:43Like I've never had a fallen out with any of my boys ever not once.
08:46And I know a lot of people, mostly girls.
08:49That go through friends like underwear.
08:55Yeah.
08:55And the thing is, you got to let them go and you have no problem with them.
08:59That's most of the people who I know who don't have somebody come home with a problem.
09:03They now vote you to be on their side and we got a problem with them.
09:07Yeah.
09:07It's like you can't continue being somebody's friend because your partner is now not checking
09:11for them.
09:12If that's your snick or another, I would definitely talk to them about it.
09:15And say, you might be the problem.
09:17So, right.
09:18Maybe not those words.
09:20But let's figure out, let's pinpoint three issues that happen with three different friends
09:24quickly and then assess it.
09:26And then maybe, you know, they will see that it's them.
09:28And then if not, then yeah, you got to be blunt.
09:30Right.
09:30Let's squeeze one more in.
09:31I'm running into an issue with our wedding planning.
09:34My rule of thumb is that if we haven't talked in a year or two, you're not invited.
09:39A wedding is a very intimate occasion and should only be for people that matter to us.
09:44However, he wants to invite the neighbors and the neighbor's kids and so on and so on.
09:49How can we compromise?
09:51The cost is adding up and he is not seeing it at all.
09:54I would say to make your list in tiers, essential, and then pick some people depending on your
10:01numbers, how many people you got left.
10:03If you're trying to do 100 people and you got 60 essentials, now you got 40 slots that
10:07you want to fill with people who have to have some sort of equity.
10:11You got to have some sort of return, like whether it's, hey, this is my boss.
10:14This will help me at my job.
10:15Let me make sure I bring them.
10:17This is our neighbor that we borrow a lot of stuff for.
10:19And I think we owe him that.
10:21Like, you know, like you sit down there and work out your list.
10:23Don't just be like everybody get to come because that neighbor ain't bringing their
10:26kids and all this other stuff.
10:28Like, you know, like sit down together and say, hey, we got 30 wiggle room spaces.
10:33Who's the essentials that are outside of our real group?
10:37Sure.
10:37I agree.
10:38I think it starts with a limit, a hard limit that you guys both agree we're not
10:42going past this number.
10:44If it's 100, if it's 80, if it's two, whatever that number is, and then start
10:48working backwards.
10:49Like you said, yo, these 50 people, there's no debate about it.
10:53Now we got to fill up the rest of it.
10:54And honestly, the most rewarding, I will tell you this, and I mean, I haven't done a
10:59lot of weddings, but when I did mine and I was at like 150 and I needed to get down
11:03to 120, let me tell you, it was the most joyous thing ever.
11:07It's an enjoyable thing to assess who doesn't need to, you vote them off the island like
11:12Survivor.
11:12It's like, listen, this dude, I haven't talked to him in a while.
11:15This person, he don't give good gifts.
11:16Like, you know what I'm saying?
11:17Like, I mean, you whittle down the group and it makes you feel better because you know,
11:21you got, it's 125, 130 bucks a plate.
11:24Yeah, it is.
11:24Or more.
11:25And you're seeing how many, yeah, hell no.
11:26It's a lot.
11:27Hell no.
11:28Vote them off the island like Survivor.
11:29You could also think about who you're going to be friends with or involved within 5,
11:3310 years.
11:34If you don't see them, then scratch them off the list.
11:36Or if they was in your, if you were in their wedding.
11:38Oh, then you have to invite them.
11:40That sucks.
11:41That's part of that thing too.
11:42You got to boomerang that thing back.
11:43All right, man.
11:44Therapy Thursday is a wrap.
11:45Hooked up by Demesman and Dover.