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00:00The
00:30Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.
00:41In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
00:46Sorry, could I have your attention now for just a minute?
00:48I won't keep you long, but I have some great news to impart.
00:53The Inter-Parish Sports Day will be held here in Kiln-the-Scully next Sunday
00:58for the first time in 35 years.
01:01Sports Day? What's the Luther have to do now?
01:05Now, the Sports Day will be a great opportunity for us
01:08to meet the people of the neighbouring parishes
01:10in a friendly and relaxed atmosphere.
01:13I bet seven shares of shh!
01:17What kind of sports are there, Father?
01:19I do know that there's an under-twelves hurling challenge
01:23between Kiln-the-Scully and Bally.
01:26Mother of God.
01:28And the final event is the All-Priests 10k race.
01:31Isn't that gas?
01:32I have to get tugged out for that myself.
01:36Right, one other piece of news, and that is that Bally
01:38have a new parish priest who started last week.
01:40And of course, Sunday will be the perfect opportunity
01:43to meet and to welcome him here among us.
01:46What's his name, Father?
01:48Do you know, Timmy, I don't actually know.
01:50All I know is that he's back recently from the missions in Africa.
01:53His name is Father Gilmartin.
01:58Gilmartin?
01:59Yes, Father.
02:01Father Bob Gilmartin.
02:09You all right there now, Father?
02:12Fine, thanks.
02:13Sorry about that, lads.
02:14What happened to you at all?
02:15Ah, nothing.
02:16She'd be blessed in the past at all.
02:17Father Bob Gilmartin.
02:18Yeah, we were in the seminaries together.
02:22What was he like, Father?
02:24Well, um...
02:28Well, Father Pip, get your own locker.
02:40My name is Philip.
02:43This is my locker.
02:46Not anymore.
02:48I'll take your girlfriend with you.
02:57Loser.
02:59Grant, very popular.
03:00Pushy, maybe.
03:02Pushy?
03:03Oh.
03:05He was always top of the class, first at everything.
03:07Great athlete.
03:08Speedy Gilmartin, we used to call him.
03:10You name it, he won it.
03:12Voted student most likely to make Pope.
03:15But what I remember most about him was his backside.
03:18I did a lot of running myself, you know.
03:21That's all I ever saw of him.
03:22He was always in front of me.
03:24And when the Pope came, yeah?
03:27Whose name, do you think, was pulled out of the Monsignor's hat to go and meet the good man?
03:31Speedy Gilmartin.
03:32Ah, but that was the look of the draw, Father.
03:33It was not, Jacksy.
03:35I checked the names after the draw.
03:36Every name was Bob Gilmartin.
03:39The bastard.
03:40God forgive me for swearing, Father.
03:43And now he's a parish priest in Bali.
03:45And he's going to be here on Sunday for the sports day.
03:48Well, you don't have to see him if you don't want to, Father.
03:50I suppose.
03:52Just his backside.
03:52Thanks, Timmy.
03:57Cheers, lads.
03:58Cheers, man.
04:01What was the Ludo thinking?
04:03The challenge match between us and the Bali Bites on Sunday?
04:06See, that's not enough time to rear.
04:07It's just only a bit about fun.
04:09Fun?
04:10When was it ever fun between us and the Bali crowd?
04:13Never.
04:14The last time we had a challenge match between the Bali crowd
04:16was 1966, the under-12 final.
04:19And I should know because I captained the team the same day.
04:21He loves this spit.
04:22He tells this lovely.
04:23Dad!
04:23It was a cold, out, wintry old day
04:26and there was a breeze blowing, lads.
04:27They would have brass monkeys cross their knees.
04:30Well, the Bali crowd were playing with the breeze behind them
04:32downhill in the first half.
04:34At the halftime whistle, it was 7.13 to 8 goal and 8 pints.
04:38Dad!
04:39We were 2 pints behind when the wind changed.
04:41Well, there was a Yale Force 9 wind blowing into her face
04:45in the second half, that's it.
04:46And that's when it started to snow.
04:48Dad!
04:48What's wrong with you?
04:49If it was 1966, that would have made you 16.
04:53Yeah.
04:54And how could you play for the under-12s?
04:56Sure, why couldn't I?
04:57Sure, the Rhine twins on the Bali side were doing their intercept
05:00and their goalie was married with two children
05:02and there was about 7 on the Bali team that were playing overage
05:05and on our side was only myself.
05:06And the great Frank Millan!
05:08And the great Frank Millan, who was, how would you say,
05:11the borderline?
05:12And what happened then?
05:13Well, two teams were never going into the final minute of play.
05:17And myself and the great Frank Millan
05:18were defending the small parallelogram
05:20when the Bali Bites descended upon us with all holes.
05:23Come on!
05:23Yeah!
05:24And I was the first to go down.
05:25I took six of the Bali Bites with me.
05:27Woo!
05:27The great Frank Millan took two
05:29before I was able to hobble back in the Fincham
05:31against the last two Bali Bites who were standing.
05:33The Rhine twins!
05:34The Rhine twins.
05:36Who were at least 22 and a half years of age if they were dead.
05:38I thought you said they were doing the intersert.
05:40I had they stayed back a few years.
05:42Anyway, tutti Stoll of the Bali Bites
05:44descended down on top of the great Frank Millan
05:47who had a howl of the Schlitter and wasn't letting go of it.
05:49Well, I think it was the eldest boy of the twins
05:51hit him with clatter across the back of the head.
05:53And the great Frank Millan let out a cry.
05:55Loves this bit.
05:56That would rent the heavens asunder.
05:58That would rent the heavens asunder!
06:00Well, his right eye popped out of his socket
06:02and if it did
06:03didn't the other one of the Rhine twins
06:05booze it over the bar for the winning point
06:06just as the ref was blowing up the final oise.
06:09And the eye of the great Frank Millan
06:10to this day
06:11is in the baddie trophy room.
06:14They're bastards.
06:15Bastards.
06:16Dangerous game, all right.
06:17I don't know what you know about.
06:22Oh, by the way.
06:23You wouldn't do that in the field of play.
06:24Yeah.
06:25Dan.
06:27Oh, Dan.
06:28Yes?
06:40How can I help you?
06:41I have an appointment with Fedorgen Martin.
06:44This way, please.
06:50Mr. Power.
06:51This way, please.
06:52Right. Lovely.
06:53I'll tell you something, lad.
06:58There's only one word I can use
07:00to describe what I witnessed out there today.
07:02And that's bloody useless!
07:04Lad, you're going in on tackles there.
07:06And I'll tell you,
07:07the girl guys will do better than you.
07:08Slattery, I'm looking at you there.
07:10If I hear you one more time saying,
07:12excuse me when you're going in the tackle,
07:14I'll come out there and I'll bury you myself.
07:17What are you laughing at, Ryan?
07:18You're the worst of them.
07:20You're a broad netfield there
07:21and you're not keeping your eye on the ball.
07:23No, what's he doing?
07:24He's standing there,
07:25gawking into a puddle of water beneath them,
07:28admiring themselves.
07:29Like a dandy boy.
07:31Lad, when you're going in for a tackle there,
07:33will you pull hard on your man?
07:35Pull hard, hard, hard.
07:36Let every blow be a funeral out there.
07:38I want you to dig hard on them, lad.
07:40They're no relation.
07:41No relation.
07:42If I stand down there today,
07:44you might be laughing at me.
07:45But I'll tell you one thing.
07:47This time next year will be an eye-opener for you.
07:49Because you'll be hard playing on the top team.
07:51And then you'll know all about it.
07:55This way, Mr. Power.
07:56Ah, Mr. Power.
08:08We've been expecting you.
08:10I see you have met Kitty.
08:12Sorry about that, fella.
08:14It's quite all right, Mr. Power.
08:16Kitty here is quite the resilient little pussy.
08:18I rescued her from the bush in Africa.
08:21Oh, was she high up the bush, fella?
08:23The jungle, Mr. Power.
08:24It can be a lonely, desolate place.
08:26I can imagine.
08:27Two things kept me sane.
08:29My rosary and my Irish whiskey.
08:32But where are my manners?
08:33Can I offer you a drink?
08:35I'd love a glass of water, fella.
08:38Rosary.
08:39Yes, father?
08:40Could you get Mr. Power here a glass of water, please?
08:45So, Mr. Power,
08:47what is the purpose of your visit?
08:50Eh, I just thought, you know,
08:52since you were new to a constituency fan
08:53and I'd just hop around, you know.
08:55My time is valuable, Mr. Power.
08:57Just get to the point.
09:00Right, it's about sports day.
09:03Ah, yes.
09:04I'm rather looking forward to it myself.
09:06A bit of healthy competition
09:08never did any harm to the soul.
09:10What do you think, Mr. Power?
09:12Well, the people at Killing the Scully
09:14are taking it kind of seriously, you know,
09:16and I don't have a problem with the other parishes,
09:18but Ballying ourselves is a bit of a history, you know.
09:23And I think if we don't take
09:24the competitive edge out of it on the day,
09:27things might get a little out of hand.
09:30You're referring, of course,
09:31to the priest's 10k road race.
09:35That's right.
09:37Did Pip send you?
09:39Pip?
09:40Philip.
09:43Father Eno.
09:45Or Father Failure,
09:46as I like to call him.
09:48Well, Father Philip is...
09:49A pussy.
09:51Once a pussy.
09:52Always a pussy.
09:54It's been 10 years
09:55since I whipped his sorry arse.
09:57And I'll do so again on Sunday.
10:00That is,
10:01if he has the balls to show up.
10:04Excuse me, Father.
10:06Your personal trainer's here
10:07for your 11 o'clock session.
10:08If you'll excuse me,
10:11Rosary will show you out.
10:19Take off.
10:22Sunk.
10:23Shrunk.
10:24A 500 euro suit shrunk.
10:27The little shite.
10:29I haven't been that insulted since.
10:31And to think I was trying to be nice to him.
10:33And who the hell does he think he is?
10:34Well, I'll tell you who he is.
10:35He's nothing but a little shite.
10:36That's what he is.
10:37Now, Willie, come up the ditch now
10:38and tell us what you really think of him.
10:40What?
10:41Joke, joke.
10:42This is no time to be joking, Jimmy.
10:45Father Philip needs us all to rally around him.
10:47He might be an idiot,
10:48but he's our idiot.
10:49If that little shite wants a challenge we got,
10:51I give it to him.
10:52So what can we do, Willie?
10:52I mean, by the looks of things,
10:54Father Philip doesn't send a chance.
10:56Father Gilmartin even has what's-his-face training him.
10:59Timmy,
11:00I've had old mongrels and dogs
11:01that couldn't cross the road to save their lives
11:03win the big race.
11:04You just have to know to even up the odds, that's all.
11:07What are you suggesting, Willie?
11:09I'm not suggesting anything, Jaxie.
11:11He just get our idiot fit
11:12and leave the rest to me.
11:14You're not tired yet, Father, are you?
11:42I'm tired.
11:44I'm tired.
11:53Jaxie, you all right there, Father?
11:55You all right, Father?
11:56I can't drink.
11:58Water.
11:58What?
11:59Water.
12:00What?
12:00Water!
12:01There you go, Father.
12:04Top of the mountain to you, Pip.
12:06What happened?
12:07One stuck in your throat?
12:08You'd want to watch your weight.
12:10Loser.
12:11Are you?
12:11What are you laughing at?
12:18It is.
12:19It is.
12:20One toe, one toe.
12:28The glamorous Grammy competition
12:31is now subject to its torts inquiry.
12:36I'll bring you the audacious version
12:39as soon as I have it.
12:40Lads, remember the little parish in who?
12:44Hurray and break my land!
12:46That's your stuff, boys.
12:47Where's the belly crowd?
12:48They should be out by now.
12:50I'll ref this as my garden.
12:51I'll tell you something,
12:52if that crowd don't come out soon,
12:53they'll have to farfet the match
12:54and we'll go home.
12:56You are at home!
12:57Who's in that?
12:58Who's in that?
12:59Hey, Bob.
13:06Well, if it isn't Father Pip.
13:12Philip.
13:13Father Philip, actually.
13:15Just drop by, you know,
13:15to wish you good luck.
13:16This is Rosary, my housekeeper.
13:22Hello?
13:24This is the fella I told you about.
13:27Father Gilmartin never stops talking about you.
13:30Really?
13:31There's not gas.
13:33Father Pip at the Postino.
13:36Father Loser.
13:39Father Runner Up.
13:40Right.
13:41Okay, so I'll see you in the race anyway, yeah?
13:44Well, you'll see my arse.
13:46Still a loser.
13:54Arrogant little...
13:55Plenty simple, Bice.
14:01This bottle is full of laxatives
14:02I got from T.O. Wigmore.
14:04The pair of ye,
14:05all you have to do
14:06is to sneak into Father Speedy's tent
14:07and do the old switcheroo.
14:09The what?
14:10Swap this bottle for Father Speedy's one.
14:12No problem.
14:14What if he's in the tent?
14:16Oh, good question.
14:17We need a diversion.
14:18Watch up, Bice.
14:19You tip the truck.
14:23I think I have a plan.
14:24I think I have a plan.
14:31Hey, stop!
14:32Stop!
14:33I've got that bastard!
14:34Pice in!
14:34Stop!
14:35Stop!
14:36Stop!
14:37Stop!
14:38Stop the...
14:39The course is clear.
14:40Right, sir.
14:40My beautiful caddy.
14:41I love this car.
14:43You've ruined me leather.
14:44All right, boys.
14:46How are you, Father?
14:47Father.
14:48How are you doing?
14:49Nothing.
14:50Right.
14:51You've completely destroyed my car.
14:54She's in a bad way to rape us.
14:56What are you going to do about it?
14:58I'll give you a 500 euro for her.
15:00What?
15:01All right, 550.
15:04Actually, give us a slug of that, will you?
15:06No, it's Timmy's.
15:07Tim gives a sip.
15:08He's drinking it himself, Father.
15:09No, I'm not.
15:10No.
15:10Yeah, you're drinking it yourself.
15:12Just for that day.
15:14You're only getting a stroke there earlier on.
15:16Yeah, fine.
15:17Thanks.
15:21Jackson's that way.
15:25Attention, please.
15:27The old brief.
15:2810K race is about to start on the main street.
15:35All right, gentlemen.
15:36Take your marks there on the line.
15:38We're at the very fair race now.
15:39All right?
15:40And get out there and enjoy yourselves.
15:41On your marks.
15:47Get sick.
15:55And.
15:55How are you feeling, Pip?
16:11Grant.
16:11I mean, it's just a bit of crack, really, isn't it?
16:17Not really.
16:19So long, loser.
16:20Watch my ass.
16:21It's all you'll see of me.
16:22Oh, come on, Pip.
16:24Oh, come on, Pip.
16:37Look.
16:37them fellas couldn't be under twelves.
16:39That fellow's any longer, he'd be late.
16:40If that fellow's any longer, he'd be late.
16:43I've seen his birth third.
16:43Everything's in order.
16:44Well, if some of them fellas fell over to be halfway home.
16:45Look, step off the pitch so we can start the match.
16:46so we can start the match, or I'll have you removed from the park.
16:49Well done, Riff.
16:50Sorry, Dad.
16:51Sorry, Dad.
16:57How are you feeling?
16:58So, so.
16:59That's a good distinction.
17:00Left it behind, Joe.
17:01Good.
17:04Oh, for a feck's sake.
17:05Come on, you're wasting time.
17:06Come on.
17:08Get a staffer.
17:10Come on, come on, come on!
17:16Come on, come on!
17:17Come on, come on!
17:18Come on, come on!
17:19Come on, come on!
17:20Come on, come on!
17:39Yeah!
17:40Good job, buddy!
17:41Come on!
17:42Come on!
17:43Make a stake, then!
17:44Yeah, we don't need the kids alone.
17:45Kids!
17:46Do you see the size of Joe?
17:47He doesn't know that he's a child or a man or half a half of what it is.
17:50Have you go ahead of all of it.
17:51Go ahead of that!
18:15Oh, of a sudden, he's at the walking that end!
18:16Wow!
18:18Oh, for God's sake!
18:19We've got to walk it, then!
18:20It's a great point!
18:21Absolutely great point!
18:22Will you look how many steps he's at theak?
18:23You are blind or what?
18:24Oh, for God's sake, you're blind or what?
18:25Who you calling blind?
18:26I calling you blind!
18:27You calling me blind?
18:28I calling you blind!
18:30Oh, for God's sake, Riff, he's at the walk, isn't he?
18:33It's a great point. Absolutely great point.
18:35Will you look how many steps he's at the tent?
18:37Oh, for God's sake, are you blind or what?
18:38Who are you calling a blind?
18:39I'm calling you blind.
18:40You're calling me blind?
18:41I'm calling you blind.
18:41That's most of you, then.
18:42You come over here.
18:43That's most of you, then.
18:44Why come out, right?
18:53Loser!
18:59Loser!
19:00Watch my ass.
19:02It's all you'll see of me.
19:04Loser!
19:05Loser!
19:09Loser!
19:09Loser!
19:18Grant Mortifer!
19:19Oh, thanks, Mr. Jussie.
19:22Jussie, good girl.
19:24Okay.
19:26Right, lads, you're playing a blind out there.
19:28All you need to do is get a score above the score button,
19:30and you'll be doing fine.
19:31You're having a score up, then?
19:32You're not going to get past that quality.
19:33Look, you just go out and hold it and leave him to me.
19:36Come on, out you go, lads.
19:36Go on.
19:37Fogarty, come here.
19:39Are your sister's home for the weekend?
19:40Yeah, why?
19:41Go down and tell them to come up here straight away, I want to.
19:43Right to our way.
19:43And come here to me.
19:44Here.
19:44Tell them to be under a camogie gear.
19:46Camogie gear?
19:46Sure, that's too small for them now.
19:48Exactly.
19:49Go on.
19:49Beek.
19:56Oh, mother of God.
19:57Sorry.
20:04Come on, father.
20:08Come on, father.
20:09You can do it.
20:10Come on, father, you can do it.
20:11Keeper, you watch the ball.
20:29It's so big.
20:32Keep going, I want you to keep going.
20:36Yes!
20:41I can't stop the way in the back of Norway!
20:55Do we know who's winning?
21:06She knows thick all between and back the road.
21:08It's as simple as this now, Jimmy.
21:10Well, I'll depend on who comes in first.
21:13Right.
21:21Come on, then!
21:22There's only two places in it!
21:23Come on!
21:24Face off the military!
21:25Come on!
21:26Face off the military!
21:27Come on!
21:28Face off the military!
21:30Come on!
21:31Come on!
21:32Come on!
21:33Come on!
21:34Come on!
21:35Come on!
21:36Come on!
21:37Come on!
21:38Come on!
21:39Come on!
21:40Come on!
21:41Come on!
21:42Come on!
21:43Come on!
21:44Come on!
21:45Come on!
21:46Come on!
21:47Come on!
21:48Come on!
21:48Come on!
21:49Come on!
21:49Come on!
21:50Come on!
21:50Come on!
21:51Come on!
21:52Come on!
21:52Come on!
21:53Come on!
21:53Come on!
21:54Come on!
21:55Come on!
21:56Come on!
21:57Come on!
21:58Come on!
21:59Come on!
22:00Come on!
22:01Come on!
22:02Come on!
22:03Come on!
22:04Come on!
22:05Come on!
22:06Come on!
22:07Come on!
22:08Congratulations to kill the scotty in the under-twelve burning act!
22:14Now, please, please bear the drafts as the rulers are about to enter the stadium!
22:24Where the hell is our ruler?
22:26He'll be along any minute now, he'd say.
22:29I can't make a pose in the knee, but it's generally me!
22:34I'm a priest!
22:38Father, where are you going?
22:40Where are you going?
22:42You're going the wrong way, Father!
22:50Father...
22:52What the fuck?!
23:03Come on, Father, there's nothing in it!
23:05Come on!
23:07Come on!
23:13And now, have they hit the fire of 100 metres?
23:19They are Nick and Nick!
23:23Come on!
23:25Let's go!
23:26Come all the grass!
23:27Come that way!
23:29Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh tych dores measurement.
23:33This is a great day for this little parish, first to hold a match, and now it is!
24:01In second place, correction, loser, that are not so seen in that, and in first place, King of Scully, very odd, and are in a key note!
24:18Thanks!
24:28There he goes again!
24:31There's no doubt about it, he made a right arse of that phrase!
24:35You could say he's flushed with success!
24:38My Jimmy! Flushed!
24:41We'd have to get Sergeant D to get his crack squat look into it!
24:46Turn it off, Jacksy! We'll never get to the bottom of it!
24:49But do you know what's gas?
24:54Gas!
24:56Oh, that's brilliant, Father! Brilliant!
24:59No, seriously!
25:01What's that, Father?
25:03Well, when I ran into the field, right, I was convinced that Speedy was in front of me, and that it was all over!
25:08And that I turned into the home stretch, and there he was, behind me!
25:10But that's because he was in the loo!
25:13Loo?
25:15Losing position, Father!
25:17Oh, yeah, gotcha!
25:18You did very well, Father! Fair play to you!
25:20Where is, eh, Speed Eagle Martin, anyway?
25:24Haven't seen him since the race, Father!
25:30Hello?
25:32Anyone there?
25:35For feck's sake!
25:37I'm getting covered in shite!
25:40Hello?
25:42Rosary?
25:44Rosary, are you there?
25:46Oh, feck!
25:51I'll be back!
25:53You losers!
25:55Hello?
25:57Hello?
25:59Hello?
26:16Hello?
26:17Hello?
26:18Hello?
26:19Hello?
26:20Hello?
26:22Hello?
26:23Hello?
26:25Hello?
26:26Hello?
26:28How are you looking for?
26:29What are you trying to do?
26:31How many people do you do?
26:32Hello?
26:33Hello?
26:34It's not as being put in you.
26:36I'm just waiting for you to come.
26:38I'm really like...
26:39With that.
26:41I'm glad.
26:43I got the parents, it's pretty good.