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FunTranscript
00:00.
00:30I personally think this story is funny.
00:41But if your sense of humour doesn't happen to be the same as mine,
00:44then I'm afraid you're going to be rather frightened by the time it's finished.
00:49And by the way, if any of you are tempted to think it's all pretty far-fetched,
00:54then you should stop and ask yourself seriously
00:57whether such a thing as this could really happen.
01:00The answer is yes, of course it could.
01:03Even to you.
01:21Billy Weaver was travelling down from London on a slow afternoon train
01:25with a change at Swindon on the way.
01:30Bye-bye.
01:33Bye-bye.
01:35Bye-bye.
01:43Bye.
02:14Oh, I'm sorry.
02:20I'm nodded off.
02:29Excuse me.
02:31Do you know Bath?
02:32Certainly.
02:34You, I take it, do not.
02:35No.
02:39This is my first visit.
02:41Vacation?
02:42No.
02:44I've been assigned to our branch office.
02:49Make yourself sound like a pastor.
02:56Mr. Greenslade, he's our personnel manager at head office in London.
03:00He says, well, he says I'll profit from the experience.
03:04I sincerely hope you do.
03:05What line of business are you in?
03:07Insurance.
03:08All risks.
03:11I suppose I could say the same.
03:15Ah, yes.
03:28Bath is the most beautiful city.
03:30You'll like it, you'll like it, I'm sure.
03:33One sometimes feels time has stopped in Bath.
03:36Oh, bring back my bunny to me.
03:42My bunny lies over the ocean.
03:47My bunny lies over the sea.
03:51My bunny lies over the ocean.
03:55Oh, bring back my bunny to me.
04:01Goodness me, the wind's like a knife.
04:25Shhh.
04:28Goodbye.
04:29Goodbye.
04:32Um, you could try the Bell and Dragon straight down the road about a quarter of a mile.
04:37They might take you.
04:39Um, you can't miss it.
04:41Um, AA recommend.
04:43Right, thanks.
04:47But if they're full, there are plenty of B&Bs in Bath.
04:51And much cheaper, of course.
04:52B&Bs.
04:53Bed and breakfast.
04:55Landladies, kippers, roller towels.
04:58Good luck.
04:59God bless.
04:59Bye-bye.
05:13I'll be here soon.
05:35I can feel it.
05:36Bye-bye.
05:38Bye-bye.
05:40Bye-bye.
05:41Bye-bye.
05:42Bye-bye.
06:12Bye-bye.
06:13Bye-bye.
06:42silly boy you've made up your mind really you know you have
07:08please come in
07:09I haven't taken my finger off the bell come in it's so cold out isn't it
07:14uh yes but um you saw the notice in the window yes yes yes I did I knew you
07:20would knew that's why I put it there you need a room well yes as a matter of fact
07:28it's all ready for you my dear but I was going to the Bell and Dragon they're
07:32full full they always telephone me when they are we have a little joke about it
07:37I'm their overflow a sort of annex to the official hotel do come out of the cold
07:44yes thank you thank you
07:51oh excuse my asking but four pounds you won't find anywhere more reasonable and that includes
07:58an egg for breakfast oh oh that's fantastic the Bell and Dragon charges more than double
08:05but they're full anyway exactly saints men what we used to call commercial travelers I never take that
08:12I always put up the chain at night safer welcome home dear home I tell all my guests that to treat my house as home home from home dear
08:35home home from home dear to put your hat there
08:42and let me help you with your coat thank you very much
08:50I expect you're from London aren't you that's right yes you'll find a bath so much more restful
08:57shall I lead the way oh please
09:04we have the house all to ourselves the fact is I'm just a teeny weeny bit choosy
09:11particular if you see what I mean but I'm always ready be prepared as we used to say in the girl guides
09:17everything's always ready here just on the off chance and an acceptable young gentleman should come along and it's such a pleasure when I do happen to open the door and see someone standing there who's just exactly right
09:36like you dear
09:42this floor is mine
09:47I shouldn't rely on that dear
09:50it stopped ages ago
09:51I see
09:52quite
09:53you intend to work involved
09:56yes I've been sent down to our brown shops
09:59what fun
10:07oh no after you dear
10:09it's your room
10:11thank you
10:12thank you
10:18oh
10:19it's super it's very nice
10:21I'm so glad you like it dear
10:23the morning sun comes right in the window Mr Perkins
10:28it is Mr Perkins isn't it
10:30no
10:31no it's Weaver as a matter of fact William Weaver
10:34of course Mr Weaver how silly of me
10:37weaver such a nice reliable name too
10:44I've put a hot water bottle in your bed
10:47it's such a comfort don't you think
10:49to find a hot water bottle in a strange bed
10:52and do light the gas fire at any time if you feel chilly
10:56thank you
10:57that's very kind
10:59I'm so glad you materialized
11:02I was beginning to get worried in case my inner voice had let me down
11:08inner voice
11:09intuition dear
11:11but then
11:12just as I thought it had got too late
11:14there you were
11:15now
11:16how about supper
11:17oh I'm not hungry thank you
11:19I had some sandwiches on the train
11:21my mother made them
11:23ham and watercress
11:24how nice
11:25plenty of iron in watercress
11:27good for the blood
11:29so I think I'll just go straight to bed as I've got to get up rather early tomorrow you see
11:35so as to report to the office
11:37of course dear
11:41oh er
11:42the you know where is at the end of the passage
11:46well I leave you to unpack
11:48but before you go to bed would you be so kind as to pop downstairs and sign the guest book on the piano
11:53everyone has to
11:54it's the law of the land
11:56and we don't want to go breaking the law do we
12:24and remember there's no barking when he comes down
12:38dear mum and dad
12:40just a quick newsflash to say I've arrived in one piece
12:45good lodgings with a nice landlady
12:48a bit crazy
12:50but okay
12:52sort of everyone's favourite art
12:55very cosy
12:59don't let my awful sisters drag you down
13:04joke
13:07love
13:09Billy
13:10oh I'm so glad you remember the book
13:16that's funny
13:19hmm
13:20these names
13:23Gregory Temple
13:24and Christopher Mulholland
13:31oh such charming boys
13:35they sound sort of familiar
13:36do they?
13:37hmm
13:39I'm sure I've heard of them somewhere before
13:41really what fun
13:44was it in the papers?
13:47oh I shouldn't have thought so dear
13:50perhaps they're famous footballers or pop stars
13:54famous no but they were extraordinarily handsome
14:02and the dates
14:04this entry's over two years old and Christopher Mulholland's is nearly a year before that July 75th
14:09how time does fly Mr. Wilkins
14:11weaver
14:14w-e-a-v-e-r
14:16silly me I do apologise
14:18in one ear out the other that's me
14:21weaver
14:22Mr. Weaver
14:24weaver
14:25meant it in my mind
14:27it's kind of peculiar you see
14:30Mulholland and Temple
14:32sort of connect
14:34you know go together in my mind like
14:37um
14:39Laurel and Hardy you know
14:41I don't dear
14:42your tea's poured out
14:45oh you shouldn't have bothered I
14:47it was no trouble
14:48do come and sit down
14:50that's right
14:51by me dear
14:53um
14:55oh
14:57thank you
15:03what I mean is it
15:06oh it's stupid
15:08it's on the tip of me tongue now
15:10where have I heard those two names before
15:13the best thing is not to think about it dear
15:16then it'll come
15:17mm-hm
15:18mm-hm
15:37milk or lemon
15:41mm
15:42it's China tea oh milk please thank you got it Mulholland sugar he was on a
15:52walking tour of the West Country and oh where three lumps please he was a
15:56schoolboy at he oh no dear that can't be right my mr. Mulholland was at
16:00Cambridge he was an undergraduate biscuit how cozy the fire isn't too hot for you
16:16is it I do hope you like China tea it's very nice dear mr. Mulholland such a one
16:28for his tea I never saw anyone drink so much tea has he stayed with you
16:34recently sweet boy I know I saw his name in the papers oh I like a ginger
16:44biscuit to be crisp mr. Mulholland is staying here now and mr. Temple they're
16:49both still with me oh will I meet them a DV as we say mm-hmm God willing dear oh
17:00how old are you mr. mr. don't tell me wheel weaver there oh what a relief yes 18 I'm
17:1318 18 oh it's the perfect age mr. Mulholland was 17 when he first stayed with
17:21me he can't have he can't have been he was but you can't go to Cambridge when
17:30you're 17 you can if you're clever dear he was terribly clever a scholar very
17:35studious he was a trifle shorter than you and his teeth weren't quite so white as
17:41yours you have the most beautiful teeth mr. weaver my dad calls them my whited
17:48sepulchers you should see the fillings at the back mr. Temple was rather older 28 in
17:56fact but I'd never have believed him if he hadn't told me he hadn't a blemish on his
18:01body
18:07a what his skin was just like a baby's more tea
18:16no thanks
18:18that parrot
18:22when I first saw it you thought he was alive
18:27yes
18:28alas no
18:30poor Sinbad
18:32can I look
18:34of course dear of course
18:37oh
18:41pretty boy
18:50sinbad always said that
18:53so full of himself
18:55it's amazingly clever
18:58who did it it doesn't look dead at all
19:02I know
19:03I did it dear
19:04you did
19:05yes
19:07excuse me
19:11I do feel
19:15this room does get very warm
19:18have you met Basil
19:20that's why he didn't bark when I came in
19:27Basil was a terrible barker
19:29ooh
19:31he feels hard
19:33it must be awfully difficult to do a thing like that
19:37on the contrary no
19:38not a creature one has loved
19:40that way one can go on loving him forever and ever and ever
19:46oh
19:48I'm sorry I must sit down
19:56you did sign the book didn't you
20:00yes
20:01good
20:02more tea
20:03no thank you
20:04I stuff all my little pets
20:08when they pass away
20:10I'm glad you remember the book
20:13because later if I forget
20:14and you know now what a one I am for forgetting
20:17I can always pop down and look it up
20:19I still do that every day with Mr Mulholland
20:23and Mr
20:23Mr
20:25oh they are gone again
20:28Temple
20:31I remember now
20:39they were in the papers
20:44I read
20:46bedtime dear
20:52up we go
20:56nearly there
21:02no
21:03there's a good boy
21:05in we go
21:07the tea tasted bitter
21:22quite dear
21:24quite dear
21:24exactly
21:25to help you sleep
21:27no
21:28no
21:28there
21:31I must breathe
21:35the place for you is bad Billy
21:43did you
21:59did you undress me
22:02of course dear
22:05and believe me you're just as handsome as the others
22:08no need to blush
22:14you're beautiful
22:16you're beautiful
22:16sleep tight Mr Wilkins
22:32still reading Mr. Mulholland
22:41can't you see that Mr. Temple wants to sleep
23:02Lights out boys
23:32music plays
24:02music plays
24:32music plays