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00:00And I am a fan of the
00:03The
00:05The
00:06The
00:09The
00:10The
00:13The
00:18The
00:20The
00:22The
00:23The
00:24The
00:26The
00:28.
00:52How's it going, Harz?
00:54What did he just say?
00:56How's it going, Harz?
00:57He said, how are you?
00:59Fine.
01:00Are you Mr. Big?
01:02How did he say?
01:03He said, how are you Mr. Big?
01:05Oh, I'm not the busman at all. No, Dick's the busman.
01:08Dick?
01:09Yes, Dick.
01:11You listen to me. I don't care who...
01:13Take this!
01:14I give you the gear.
01:15Now I want my money!
01:17Right hand!
01:18How did he say?
01:19He said he gave you the gear. Now he wants his money.
01:22Oh, do you have no money for your numbers?
01:24Oh, God knows.
01:25Dick, when he sees the virtual place there,
01:26he'll give you what you want to do next.
01:28What did he just say?
01:30He said, when Dick comes, he'll give you the money.
01:33Now you listen to me.
01:35I'll give you what you want.
01:37Now I want my money!
01:38Come on!
01:39The money!
01:40Money!
01:41We'll get you!
01:42Don't let go!
01:43What?
01:44Drop the volume!
01:45Don't let him!
01:46What?
01:47Drop the volume!
01:48Don't let him!
01:49What are you laughing at?
01:50He's gone!
01:51What is it, bud?
01:52It's a walk pack.
01:53What do they do?
01:54They're for cooking.
01:55They're all the rage, though.
01:56What are you laughing at?
01:58He-yosh!
02:04What is it, bud?
02:06It's a wok pan.
02:07What do they do?
02:08They're for cooking.
02:09They're all the rage, though.
02:17You could always use it for penis.
02:27They're the real deal, all right?
02:30We're going to make a fortune out of these.
02:32No!
02:34We won't hit you!
02:35Don't run! No!
02:38They're supposed to be about to pay the tradies, boys.
02:40They'll never do to follow with them fellas.
02:44Where'd they go to?
02:48I'll tell you one thing, Pear.
02:49That junk flow, I want to get a bit more exercise.
02:54That's right, Farrah.
02:57Leave of absence.
02:59Yep.
03:00P.S.
03:01The rubbish goes out on Thursdays and the toilet cleaner's in the cupboard.
03:04You get the gist of it, Farrah.
03:05The rest is all clerical mumbo-jumbo.
03:07So what are we going to do?
03:09We, Farrah?
03:11So you're in the board of management.
03:12So?
03:13Well, it's up to you to find a replacement.
03:15Hold on, Louie.
03:16I mean...
03:17We've never had a meeting or anything.
03:19I'm sorry, Farrah, I can't help you.
03:21I have a school to teach.
03:22Well, what am I supposed to do?
03:23I've never done anything like this before.
03:25Well, I suggest you arrange a meeting at the board of management.
03:27In other words, give Willie Power a shout.
03:29What do you mean?
03:31Sorry, Farrah.
03:32Shut up, Ritchie!
03:36Farrah, we have an inspector coming down from the department tomorrow morning.
03:39We don't have enough students, don't mind teachers, to keep the school open.
03:43Are you telling me that the school could be closed tomorrow unless we find a replacement from his fine?
03:48And about ten students.
03:51Hey, Louie, are you not the slightest bit concerned of the damage the closure of the school will do to the village?
03:57Farrah, when I left teacher training college...
03:59Just a second, Louie.
04:00For the love of God, would you shut up?
04:01Sorry.
04:02Farrah, when I left teacher training college, I had all the ideals and principles of a young student teacher.
04:14Actually, Farrah, there was a film that has inspired me to stay on this job.
04:18Don't tell me, erm...
04:21Boys Town.
04:22Spencer Tracy.
04:23Great movie.
04:24No, Farrah.
04:25Terminator.
04:27A gallon of Pepsi is too good for this place.
04:30Louie.
04:32I'll be back.
04:33No, Farrah.
04:34It's, I'll be back.
04:41Despite how it looks, I do love you.
04:44What?
04:46That is how she signs off.
04:48Her note.
04:50It was on the kitchen table this morning.
04:53In the kitchen, you said?
04:55Uh, yes.
04:56Why?
04:58And would you spend much time in the kitchen?
05:01Well, yes, quite a bit.
05:03Very interesting.
05:05I don't understand.
05:06Do you think there might be some connection?
05:09Connection with what, teacher?
05:11With the disappearance of Catherine.
05:13I know.
05:14It's just that a pair of corners met these Chinese fellas.
05:18And they do a great line in walks.
05:20Walks?
05:21That's right, walks.
05:23Oh, for God's sake.
05:24So, before you make up your mind, they're only 9.99.
05:33Have I been talking with the wall?
05:35Catherine is missing, disappeared.
05:37What do you want me to do about it, Dieter?
05:39Put up the road check blocks.
05:41Get the dogs who sniff people.
05:43Put the house-to-house thing in.
05:45And do whatever you have to do to get Catherine back.
05:49Look, Dieter.
05:50There's nothing I can do.
05:52Officially, Catherine isn't a missing person until after 72 hours.
05:55So that is it, is it?
05:58I must go home and fiddle with my thumbs until 72 hours has passed?
06:03No.
06:04Have you seen that?
06:05Cooking for one.
06:07It's especially for fellas who are on their own.
06:10It'll help you kill the time.
06:11And you can have it for only 4.99.
06:16Now.
06:18It's a hardback.
06:26Come on, Sandra.
06:27We'll see if Uncle Willie and the Dairy Queen are home.
06:30Wow.
06:31This place is amazing.
06:33Did you say Dairy Queen?
06:35That's where he picked up the lovely Noola.
06:38At the Killin' a Scully Dairy Queen beauty pageant.
06:41Mind you, she's never here.
06:43Come on.
06:49Oh, Lord, what a despair, won't you?
06:53What kept you?
06:54We're frozen standing around out here.
06:58Uncle Willie.
07:00Ladies, come in with you.
07:02I have searched everywhere, and there is no trace of her anywhere in Killin' a Scully.
07:13I'm going out of my mind.
07:15Here you are, Dairy.
07:16Get that inside you.
07:17It'll help with the shock.
07:19Fairly shocked meself, Jexy.
07:21I mean, we're all in shock.
07:22Really?
07:23I'm shocked.
07:24Pretty shocked meself now.
07:26That'll be 1880, Dieter.
07:28Huh?
07:29Four brandies, 1880.
07:31Oh, yes.
07:33I'm sure there must be a simple explanation for it, Dieter.
07:36I mean, Catherine's not the type of woman that would do something irrational, is she?
07:39No.
07:40That is what is so unusual about all this.
07:43Who was the last to see her?
07:44Me, I think.
07:51Mr. Langer!
07:54The last time you saw her, was she acting strangely?
07:56I don't think so.
07:58Is it possible she may well have been having an affair?
08:02No.
08:03We were due to get married in just a few weeks.
08:06And Catherine was overhead the moon about the wedding.
08:09And she even had her dress picked.
08:12Catherine is not like that.
08:13What are you trying to say to me, Mr. Clancy?
08:16Exactly!
08:17That's exactly what I'm trying to say to you.
08:20What exactly are you saying, then?
08:22Yes, then.
08:23What?
08:24Nothing.
08:25I... I... I... I... I... I've seen her model, she thought.
08:28Oh, Jessica.
08:29Oh, good mind then, Doc.
08:30Good old Jessica.
08:33Murder, she wrote.
08:35Yeah.
08:37You think Catherine might have been murdered?
08:40No. No, I mean, I... No.
08:41I was... I was only...
08:43I... I just... I just... I just...
08:46Arad, Dan.
08:48Murder?
08:50My God, Catherine.
08:52Eh, now, Dieter. Pay no heed to Dan.
08:54It's only a bit of old crack.
08:56I must go to Sergeant Dick.
08:58She could be lying in a ditch somewhere.
09:04What would she be doing lying in a ditch?
09:06Sunbathing?
09:09Loodle.
09:13Well, where is she?
09:14Who might that be?
09:16Charming Nuala.
09:18She has the house looking as, er...
09:20Well, eclectic as always.
09:22She just popped into town to a few messages.
09:24I was actually on my way out the door meself when he called.
09:27Not looking like that, I hope.
09:29No, no, I was just patting around the house.
09:32I didn't expect visitors.
09:36Tell me he's got visitors.
09:41Well, what can I do for you ladies?
09:42Well, I get straight to the point.
09:44Sandra here has just finished in college and is looking for a job.
09:48And the last time we were talking, you said she was to contact you
09:52and you'd see what was available in the village and get her set up.
09:55Well, here she is.
09:57So what have you got in mind for her?
10:01Hello, fella!
10:03Hello, er...
10:05Ladies.
10:06Willy!
10:11Willy!
10:13Well, you see, I've nothing really kind of lined up as such.
10:17You might come back maybe in six months.
10:19Ah!
10:21Look!
10:23Willy!
10:25Willy!
10:29I'm okay, thanks.
10:31I'm okay.
10:33Thanks, ladies.
10:34Thanks.
10:35Now, would you like a cup of tea, Phil?
10:36In private?
10:40Sorry, ladies.
10:46This is a little bit awkward, Father.
10:48That's an understatement, Willy.
10:50If this gets out, I could lose my parish.
10:52But you're not thinking straight, Father.
10:54You're still going to cuss after the fall.
10:56I mean, you don't realise...
10:58I'm a happily married man.
11:00What are you raving about?
11:01I'm talking about the school, Willy.
11:02Catherine has left at short notice, so we need a replacement teacher.
11:06What's more, there's an inspector from the department coming down tomorrow.
11:09So we have to fill the position by then.
11:11And if we don't, the school will close.
11:12And if that happens, we're both out of a job.
11:14Father, I think I have what you're looking for.
11:23Mum?
11:24I'm not sure you do.
11:25It's my sister Kathleen and her daughter Sandra.
11:28They're just leaving.
11:30Just a minute there, Willy.
11:32What did you mean?
11:34Uncle Willy here has been promising Sandra a job for the last number of years.
11:38As a special needs teacher in the local school.
11:41So we just thought we'd pop in today and see if the position was still available.
11:45You never said anything, Willy.
11:46Well, she'd have to submit her CV and then go to an interview with the Board of Management.
11:50Never mind all that red tape.
11:51We're the Board of Management and your credentials.
11:54Perfect.
11:55When can you start?
11:56Well, straight away.
11:58Great, that's all sorted.
11:59Congratulations, you have the job.
12:00Well done.
12:02Oh, thanks, Uncle Willy.
12:04Thanks, Father.
12:05I'm going to be the new principal at Uncle Willy's school.
12:08No, no, no.
12:09Not the principal.
12:11It's a sub-teacher position until Catherine comes back to us.
12:15Oh, come on Sandra, we're going home.
12:17Here.
12:19No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
12:20What about if you took the position now, for the moment, you know, a year down the line, I don't know what might happen.
12:27Can I take it from that then that you're offering her the job of vice-principal?
12:33Yes.
12:34God bless you, Father.
12:35We leave ye two at it then, and...
12:38Don't worry, Father.
12:40Your secret is safe with us.
12:42What?
12:44We leave ourselves out.
12:46Come on.
12:48Sorted.
12:50Yes.
12:54So, ladies, to recap, what do we need?
12:59Brady Clancy.
13:00An old flame.
13:02A large flame, Brady.
13:05That is the beauty of the wok.
13:07With the large flame, you can cook a stir fry in minutes.
13:11Which would leave you a lot more time with your old flame.
13:16And a bottle of wine too.
13:18Walk away at whatever you want.
13:20Get some more of that empty there, no Brady, because I have a lovely Australian Merlot tucked away in my drawers.
13:28I say it isn't the only surprise you've tucked away in your drawers.
13:32Oh, ladies, come on in, you're welcome.
13:36Sergeant Dick.
13:38Dieter, excuse me a moment, ladies.
13:44Sergeant Dick, I must talk to you.
13:46Hi, Dieter.
13:47Did you come back for a walk?
13:48No, it's about cats.
13:49God, that Brady Clancy's a fiery little nivel, isn't she?
13:52You'd never think Dan and herself came out of the same stable, would you?
13:55Sergeant Dick.
13:56Sergeant Dick.
13:57Catherine.
13:58Oh, yeah.
13:59Did she turn up?
14:01I think she might have been murdered.
14:04God, Dieter, would you keep it down?
14:06Like a station full of customers in there.
14:09Now, what in the blazes are you on about?
14:11I'm thinking she might have been abducted.
14:14Look, Dieter, was she involved with drug cartels lately?
14:18No.
14:19Money laundering, or was she a paid-up member of any illegal organisation in the last couple of months?
14:23Of course not.
14:24Well then, who in the village of Kilnaskully is going to take out a contract on her?
14:28Nobody, but you see Dan.
14:29I don't mind Dan.
14:31I know that, officially, Catherine won't be a missing person until this time tomorrow.
14:35But seeing that it yourself, I'll start the investigation early.
14:39Thank you, Sergeant Dick.
14:41Now, if you don't mind, I have a business to run around here.
14:45Is the demonstration over, Dick?
14:47No, you're glad, Josie.
14:48I kept a bit of chicken.
14:49I just have to heat it up for you.
14:50In you go.
15:00Is that him?
15:01No.
15:03Would you please stop making noise?
15:05Sorry.
15:06Dick.
15:07Willie.
15:08What have you got here?
15:09Female.
15:10Young.
15:11Skinny.
15:12She been there long?
15:13Two days, maybe three.
15:14Conor's phoned her this morning at 7.20.
15:15Any ID?
15:16Nothing.
15:17200 inches yours.
15:18You must be joking.
15:19150.
15:2075.
15:21120.
15:22100.
15:23Dumb.
15:24I found something, Dick.
15:25What is it, Dick?
15:26A name tag.
15:27Hitler.
15:28Hitler!
15:29Heel Hitler!
15:30Heel Hitler!
15:31Heel!
15:32Heel!
15:33Hello!
15:34Hello.
15:37Willie.
15:38Hello.
15:39Willie.
15:40Hello.
15:41Lovely morning, eh?
15:42And a big day as well.
15:43Yeah, you know, with Sandra starting up at the school and, you know, you had to say,
15:46Hitler. Hitler? Heal Hitler, heal!
15:57Hello? Willie, hello. Lovely morning, eh? And a big day as well.
16:01Is it? Yeah, you know, with Sandra starting up at the school and the inspector coming and all that.
16:06Sorry? What was that, Willie? Sorry, Fathers.
16:09Just had a big meeting in the county council offices this morning. I have to be there.
16:13Oh, no, Willie, come on. You can't back out now.
16:16We haven't got it sorted yet, you know, with the ten extra kids that we need to keep the school open.
16:20Yeah, well, I've taught it that, and I have a plan. Did you ever hear of a dizzy peak?
16:25What?
16:30I hope they're not yours.
16:33Morning, Dick. What brings you around?
16:35Ah, house-to-house inquiries. A missing persons case. Here.
16:40The state paying for this? Yes.
16:42No.
16:43Will you come in?
16:44I can't. I have a few other calls to make, but I'd like to ask you a question.
16:49If I can be of any assistance, Sergeant, fire away.
16:53Well, I was wondering, at approximately 20-hundred hours, what would you be doing?
16:58I'm not hiding anyone, if that's what you're asking.
17:01No, no, not last night. Tonight. Have you anything on?
17:05Are you asking me out, Sergeant?
17:07Yes. I was wondering if you'd like to go to the pictures. They've shown Police Academy 3 below the hall.
17:13I hope, Sergeant, that just because you're wearing a police uniform, you think you can throw your weight around the parish, preying on vulnerable single ladies, plying them with drink, and forcing them to submit your every whim.
17:30I wouldn't dream of it.
17:31That's a pity. Pick me up at half seven for eight.
17:37Yes, ma'am.
17:39See you, Dick.
17:40I can assure you, Lou, she's very capable.
17:47I'm sure she is, Farrah, but I should have been at that interview. What's more, she's late.
17:51There's a car coming.
17:53Here's your inspector. What's your big plan now, Farrah?
17:56The dizzy pig plan.
17:58The what?
17:59The dizzy pig plan. It's an old smuggler's trick. Willie told me about it.
18:02Look, imagine that all of your pupils are pigs, right?
18:06That wouldn't be too hard.
18:07Now, what we do is, we distract the inspector, and then we move the pigs, we move the pupils, we move them around so much that they actually get counted twice.
18:17So you want me to move the kids from class to class?
18:19Exactly. And I'll distract the inspector. Here he comes.
18:23Right, G-10, it's my class. Come on, come on, get in.
18:26Hello, Inspector. Hello.
18:28Tom Slatteryfather from the Department of Education.
18:31Tom.
18:32This won't take long.
18:33Tom, you'll have a cup of tea. After your long journey down from Dublin, it's an awful long way.
18:38I just had one. I got down late last night and I stayed in the B&B next door.
18:43Yeah.
18:44Actually, I had a lovely conversation with your new vice-principal.
18:48Oh, no. I mean, good. I mean, it was very short notice. She was the only candidate.
18:54I must say, I'm very impressed with the views she has on the department's new guidelines.
19:00Oh, here she is now, Father.
19:04There you are, Father.
19:05Yeah.
19:06I see you've met Tom.
19:07Yes, yes, yes, yes, met Tom.
19:10You're in safe hands here, Father, I can tell you that.
19:14Our little chat earlier has made my job a lot easier here this morning.
19:19Right, let's get started, shall we? Shall we get started?
19:24You should have told me that you'd met him. What did you say to him?
19:28Well, nothing that he didn't want to hear.
19:31Sorry about that, Father. I must have tripped over something.
19:35Right, will we start in your class, Sandra?
19:37No, no, no, no. We'll get out to Mr Cantwell. He's expecting he'd be very disappointed.
19:41That'll give Sandra a chance to get ready.
19:43Well, let's not delay.
19:44Good morning, class. Please be seated. And good morning, Mr Cantwell. What lovely students you have here. I'll just do a quick head count.
20:06Well, thank you very much, Mr Cantwell.
20:25He say goodbye?
20:27Goodbye.
20:29Right, Tom. This way.
20:33Right. You ten. Out.
20:37Okay. In here, Tom.
20:40What are we doing in here?
20:42Thought you might like to see how clean the toilets are.
20:45Are you mad?
20:47You know what they say about a good restaurant? You can tell how good a restaurant is by how clean the toilets are.
20:54I think I've seen enough. Thank you, Father.
20:57Wait a second. I'll just check to make sure the coast is clear.
21:00Why?
21:01Tom, an inspector and a priest leaving a toilet together, you know, to stay in age.
21:06Come on.
21:07Come on.
21:12Okay, coast is clear. Let's, um, go to Sandra's class, shall we?
21:17Yes, Father.
21:23Good morning, sir.
21:24Good morning, sir.
21:25Oh, good morning, sir.
21:27Oh, good morning, sir.
21:31I think I recognise some of these children.
21:35A lot of big families in the parish, Tom.
21:39Most of these children would have brothers and sisters in Mr Cantwell's class.
21:42Of course they would, Sandra.
21:50Right, Tom, come on.
21:57Well, here's to our new teacher.
21:59Cheers.
22:00Cheers.
22:02There's no doubt about it, Sandra, but you have your uncle's blood in you all right.
22:06It just worked out well that I met him.
22:09Jacksy, excuse me, Sam, one second.
22:12Jacksy, how's, um, how's Dieter?
22:14It's not well, Father. He's been drinking all afternoon. He's not himself.
22:18Oh, that's very bad.
22:19I know, Father.
22:21We could do a few more like him.
22:28I give you the care.
22:29Now give me my money!
22:31He said he's looking for...
22:32I've just walked out myself.
22:34You're looking for your noni?
22:36No, he's not looking for noni.
22:38He's looking for his money.
22:40Oh.
22:43That was a lovely night, Dick.
22:45Thanks very much.
22:47Not at all.
22:48Are you sure you don't want me to give you a lift home?
22:50No.
22:51I told Goretti I'd meet her here.
22:54Will you come in for one?
22:55No.
22:56I have an early start in the morning.
22:58I still have the look out for Miss Fahey.
23:01It's the new teacher.
23:04They're all having a drink to welcome her.
23:07Right so.
23:09Right so.
23:18Wait, Dieter.
23:19Oh.
23:21Well, to be honest, Father, I am near the end of my feather.
23:26I do not know what to think.
23:28Was it me?
23:29Did I say something?
23:31It is the not knowing which is so hard.
23:33Yeah.
23:34Not knowing what?
23:36But just that, Father, not knowing.
23:39We never know anything, Dieter.
23:41I'm sorry, Father.
23:43But you know, sometimes we think we know what we don't know.
23:47Only to find out that what we think we know is not really what we know at all.
23:51At all.
23:52Do you know?
23:53Do you know?
23:54Excuse me, Father.
24:00It is Catherine.
24:02Thanks be to God.
24:03How is she?
24:04Dead.
24:06What?
24:07Her battery is dead.
24:08Oh.
24:11Where is she?
24:13Space?
24:15Isn't that gas?
24:16Yes.
24:23Here we are.
24:25Yes.
24:27Give us a kiss, you lord.
24:32Make a sign.
24:33Don't go.
24:34Don't go.
24:43Sorry.
24:45Brady Clancy.
24:47I've been trying to track you for a while.
24:49I know him, Dick.
24:50He's a harmless old devil.
24:52So what could he have done?
24:53Nothing.
24:54It's just that I went to pay him the other night for some woks and he ran off without the money.
25:00How do you know him?
25:02Carry out in Ballye.
25:04I think I'd better go and strain the house spots.
25:08I think that fella's a wok shot for a couple of noodles.
25:10I never knew you were Chinese.
25:11You were Chinese.
25:12I've had my share of Chinese pork roll, Dick.
25:16But tonight I'm going to have the full Irish cream.
25:20I hope I can do it all and I'll be running.
25:26I'll be right back.
25:34Yeah!
26:05We're right back.