Dave & Chuck the Freak ask listeners to share their embarrassing or hilarious family story about themselves and one call involves a guy doing some naughty stuff to a couch.
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00:00What is the hilarious or embarrassing family story that's about you?
00:12248-544-9743, where Sleazy will start us off.
00:16One of the unknown seven dwarfs.
00:18Sleazy, good morning.
00:20Good morning.
00:21Morning boner to you.
00:22And to you as well.
00:25So I'm 34 now.
00:28When I was about 15.
00:29You know how 15-year-old boys are.
00:32So anyways, I was in the living room.
00:34And I was in there with a buddy.
00:36And we were talking about something.
00:37And I said, you ever had such a couch before?
00:40And he's like, no.
00:41How do you do that?
00:42And I was like, well, let me show you.
00:44So I show him.
00:45And he goes, now, what are you going to do when your mom walks in?
00:48And I said, she ain't coming in here.
00:50As soon as I said that, she walks around the corner and says, what in the hell are you boys doing?
00:56Oh, my God.
00:57That still comes up.
00:58You are a couch banger.
00:59They still tell that story?
01:01I love the couch.
01:06Oh, sleazy.
01:08Poor sleazy.
01:09She didn't get rid of it either.
01:12Oh, no.
01:13Oh, no.
01:14Sleazy.
01:15What kind of cuckold would that be?
01:16You got a dude watching you bang a couch.
01:18I know.
01:19Yeah.
01:19We were 15, man.
01:21Oh, yeah, Dave.
01:22You never did it.
01:24No.
01:25No, I can guarantee I didn't do it, sleazy.
01:27I banged that.
01:28I was banging chicks then.
01:29Yeah, that's true.
01:30You were, sleazy.
01:31Thanks for calling in.
01:32Dave got around.
01:33That couch is only 19 years old.
01:35Oh, yeah.
01:36Listen to the math pretty quick.
01:38Lip, lip, lip, lip, lip, lip.
01:42Couch math.
01:43It's seen a lot, that couch.
01:45Yeah.
01:46Oh, you're going to see.
01:47There's been a sad couch, Adam.
01:48They probably keep it because they think that he loves it.
01:51Yeah, well, he does love it.
01:51We can't get rid of the couch.
01:52It's the family couch that he banged all the time.
01:55Yeah, he bangs it every time he goes over there.
01:57We kept that couch you're in love with.
01:59Yeah.
02:00Hey, sleazy.
02:01Your love couch is here.
02:03We slotted it up for you.
02:05Put some new upholstery on her.
02:06Yeah.
02:07It's in the basement.
02:08Get it down there.
02:09It's a little crispy if you know what we're doing.
02:1019 years old, a couch.
02:12The thing is, though, you know that couch wasn't brand new?
02:15Yeah, when he was having it.
02:17So it's maybe a 25-year-old couch.
02:19Oh, yeah.
02:21The amount of fart miles on that couch.
02:22Oh, never mind the young man miles.
02:25Yeah.
02:27I built up a fine film.
02:30Yuck.
02:31Let's go to Ashley, who's next with us here.
02:34We're talking about the embarrassing family story about you.
02:37What's yours, Ashley?
02:39Hi.
02:39Mine's actually about my husband.
02:42And this actually happened the past Christmas Eve.
02:46We always stay the night at his sister's house, and we were drinking that night.
02:52He actually went into the wrong bedroom and crawled into bed with his mother and started cuddling with her and rubbing her butt and told her she had a nice booty.
03:04Oh, no.
03:06No, that's fine.
03:08No.
03:09No.
03:10Yeah.
03:11Yeah.
03:11That was pretty bad.
03:12That is awkward and incest-y.
03:14That is no good.
03:16It's dangerous to have, like, a girlfriend with the same dimensions as your mom.
03:21You know what I mean?
03:21It's easier when mom is a little bigger.
03:24Bigger.
03:25Yeah.
03:25I'm always fascinated by those kinds of stories.
03:29I just am well aware of who I'm laying next to.
03:32Yeah, it's odd.
03:35Oh, your ass is so nice.
03:37And it's your mom's ass.
03:39Yeah.
03:39Who knows what you're rubbing it with.
03:42If I accidentally rubbed my boner upon my mother's ass, I would jump off the nearest building.
03:53That's it for me.
03:54Oh, that's it for me.
03:56The tears you'd shed?
03:58The tears you'd shed.
04:00Ah, Stephen.
04:02Yeah.
04:03Hey, man, what's the embarrassing family story about you that always comes up?
04:08Um, never knew my dad and me and this girl.
04:15We were all messing around all the time.
04:18And then three years after that, we completely stopped messing around.
04:24Uh, I met my dad.
04:27No.
04:27Well, he came here and come to find out, I screwed my own cousin.
04:35Ah, yeah.
04:36Yeah.
04:37Common tale on the show.
04:38Oh, this is the hilarious family story?
04:41Yeah.
04:42Oh, yes.
04:43Every single time I go there.
04:44They talk.
04:45They bring it up.
04:45Remember when you banged your cousin?
04:48Oh, yeah.
04:49Yeah.
04:49It happens, Dave.
04:52Okay.
04:53Oh, man.
04:53One man's tragedies is another man's hilarity, I guess.
04:56That's right.
04:57That is it.
04:58Yeah, right.
04:59Oh.
05:00And then, she's our babysitter.
05:04Oh, boy.
05:07Well, shucks.
05:12She's my cousin's sister-sitter.
05:15Wow.
05:16Your cousin's watching the kids.
05:17Don't you try banging her now.
05:19I already did that.
05:20No worries.
05:21Been there, done that.
05:22Happy Thanksgiving.
05:24Good to see you.
05:25You stay away from your cousins now.
05:27Remember that time Stephen banged his cousin?
05:29Are you ever going to let me live it down?
05:31Are you ever going to let me live it down?
05:32Family reunions next week.
05:34Don't you go banging any more family members.
05:36Come on.
05:37Come on.
05:40Yeah, see, cousin effing.
05:41Like you wouldn't.
05:42Most family gatherings wouldn't be brought up again.
05:44Yeah, exactly.
05:45That would have been a taboo.
05:47I can't believe that happened.
05:48We will never speak of it again.
05:49Yeah.
05:50That's like a dark family secret.
05:51Nah.
05:53Stephen!
05:54I guess so.
05:55Remember that time you screwed Susie?
05:57I'll tell you what.
05:58You kids and your cousin banging.
05:59Every time I look at her, I remember.
06:04She babysits my kids.
06:06You know?
06:10She babysits my kids.
06:13It is awkward.
06:18That is awkward.
06:19That is awkward.