Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about what it would be like if humans had to go through similar mating rituals as animals.
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00:00we're off to georgia now imagine chuck you're asleep in your bed with your lovely bride okay
00:11yes and in wedding bliss and a man breaks into your house naked and gets into bed with you guys
00:19how you doing man
00:20that'd be a weird conversation um you mind is this cool
00:28yeah i don't care chuck would cuddle up this is cool you're making me uncomfortable man i didn't say
00:34you could do that already well um just don't tell james where are you putting my hand
00:40magic spot that took a turn i didn't expect the naked guy to get uncomfortable yeah i'm uncomfortable
00:47you better watch what bed you climb into pal yeah exactly you just all of a sudden the guy's got
00:52no throat i feel bad for whoever does that to me his eyeballs are both out i feel like your dad
00:57maybe not on the same scale but lenny lisa's husband would react similar to your dad if put
01:02in a military he's a trained soldier yeah so he's a trained soldier and he thinks sometimes he'll hear
01:08things in the middle of the night and he reacts a little bit i'm like oh my gosh you will kill
01:12someone yeah yeah it's good there's not a lot of people around you guys no it's probably a good
01:16thing i last night heard something and went down to kill it had my big knife i was ready to go kill
01:22it i want to see chuck walk around in his underwear with just a big knife i did i had it
01:28and i was like what the hell is this it sounded like um someone was rustling through like boxes and
01:38stuff oh man it was the guinea pigs oh guinea pigs oh yeah oh that's hilarious something you know
01:44what happened to us last night my brain didn't say it was guinea pigs like i went down to kill i thought
01:49i was like here we go god damn it here we go jameson's going crazy barking at something outside
01:54and i started to hear it it was like owls were mating like mating making making mating noises
02:00really i'll bang so loud i'm sure it's really loud it was like they were on a megaphone oh yeah
02:06when i opened the back door i'm like holy hell imagine how loud we'd be if we had to call for it
02:12honestly if humans if humans did it like that's all you'd hear that's all you'd hear all day
02:27i want sex
02:29i'm horny
02:31i wish it was like that i'd actually have sex looking for a woman i wish it was like that
02:37looking for a woman
02:38i hope this is on i am looking for sex
02:44i am looking for sex
02:48what a different world it would be if we had to call for it
02:56it really would be i guess once in a while women would call for it
02:59not as much as men
03:01i need some sex
03:02and then there'd be like
03:03there'd be like a hundred dudes
03:05no but they gotta call for quite like
03:06sex
03:08right because they'd be
03:09and they'd be
03:10exactly
03:10they'd get a million people banging on their door
03:13they do one little sex whispers
03:14sex
03:15sex
03:15sex
03:16and then a guy just like hops out of the pool
03:17i'm here and he takes two
03:20looking for sex over here
03:22looking for some sex
03:25anyone
03:26sex
03:29hey
03:30hey little lady
03:32hey someone's on sex
03:33hey you get out of here
03:34you get out of here
03:36fight
03:36you get out of here
03:37that's how it would be guys
03:42we're lucky
03:43listen we're lucky
03:44we ride the discotheque
03:46discotheque
03:48and do our dancing
03:49that's our mating ritual
03:51thank god that's our mating ritual
03:53yeah
03:53or now it's just swipe
03:54now it's just swipe
03:56yeah
03:56that's our mating ritual
03:58that's our mating ritual
03:59before you had to
04:00it's real quiet
04:00yeah
04:01before it was at the discotheque
04:02and it's all it would take
04:05was one girl being like
04:06sex
04:06yeah i mean like there are guys
04:08no guys
04:09guys
04:10spend all their money
04:12on the best listening equipment
04:13oh you're right
04:15they would have headphones
04:16like this big
04:16and they'd have these satellites
04:18they'd hear the faintest of like
04:21i got one
04:24i got one
04:26it would triangulate the location
04:28of where the noise came from
04:30jason said his would just be
04:33this
04:33yeah
04:35of course
04:36if you've got a talent
04:37jason's looking for a mate
04:40yeah
04:40yeah
04:41he's on a hill
04:43yeah i don't blame him
04:45blowing his horn
04:46he'd be inundated
04:47yeah i guess we are
04:48considerably lucky
04:50that uh
04:51as humans
04:51we don't have to
04:52sound our mating calls
04:53dude i think about it
04:54i think about it all the time
04:56like when you
04:56look at other animals
04:58and all the crap
04:58they have to go through
04:59like birds have got to
05:01do all sorts of
05:03look at my tail
05:04you know
05:04look at it
05:05you gotta do like a dance
05:06and stuff
05:06yeah you're right
05:07you gotta show them
05:07if we had to do that
05:09like if we
05:09if that was just
05:10we have different things
05:11comparable
05:12that's what i mean
05:13like we do do
05:14dumb stuff
05:15we still dance
05:16like we do dance
05:17and girls are like
05:18oh yeah that's
05:18and that guy
05:19can really dance
05:20you know
05:21like i mean it's
05:22we're not that far off
05:24it is sweet
05:24you don't have to like
05:25fight like some of the
05:26like a ram
05:27like a ram's always
05:28gotta be like
05:28here we go
05:29yeah exactly
05:30when only the biggest guy
05:32gets it
05:33and we do that like
05:39six times
05:40and then it's like
05:40i don't know
05:41and one of them
05:41like fine man
05:42just have her
05:43that hurts
05:43so god damn much
05:45what are we talking
05:46about is it certain
05:47monkeys that show off
05:48their b-hole to their
05:49mates in order to
05:49i honestly i don't
05:50know
05:51did we talk about
05:52that on the show
05:53i don't know
05:53that was part of
05:54their mating ritual
05:55that'd be a hell
05:57of a thing too
05:57hey take a look
05:59see
05:59i think those monkeys
06:01stole my move
06:02yeah i think they did
06:03someone said
06:04with my luck
06:05i'll call for sex
06:06and james would show up
06:07well you wish
06:08only in your wildest dreams
06:10dudes would have the
06:11best listening equipment
06:12oh yeah
06:12they would
06:13every time you
06:15screamed for sex
06:17there would be
06:17nine dudes
06:18and maybe
06:19one chick shows up
06:20yeah we gotta fight
06:22yeah
06:22just we're lucky
06:23yeah we are
06:24that humans don't
06:25have to make noise
06:26all we have to do
06:27is swipe now
06:28yeah
06:29yeah
06:30yeah