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00:00and racetrack.
00:07Thanks for joining us again on Manhood,
00:09another conversation about all things man, boys.
00:16I mean, we even talk about women
00:17because all that is part of manhood
00:20and what it takes to be a man.
00:21And again, I always want to reiterate
00:23that what it takes to be a man
00:25is not based on testosterone
00:27or whether you like sports.
00:28It's simply based on a behavior
00:30and your moral standard.
00:32And that's what we're trying to communicate
00:33and get across here
00:35in these conversations that we have.
00:37I hope you've been enjoying it so far
00:39and taking note of a lot of what we're saying
00:41because as much as we try to bring
00:43some element of humor
00:44and meet people where they're at,
00:47the topics and the message
00:49is one that is very, very serious.
00:52I'm delighted with our panel today.
00:55Johansson Iodike, behavior change consultant,
00:59one of my really good friends,
01:01though we don't support the same football side,
01:04Jason Williams.
01:05Yes, it does.
01:07And the one and only Niall McNish.
01:10What's up?
01:10So last conversation,
01:14we were talking about
01:16why do men cheat?
01:19And of course, we then went on to
01:22why do women cheat?
01:23Why do we cheat?
01:25And that really brought about
01:28some really engaging conversation
01:30and gave me pause
01:31for transgressions in the past.
01:35Today's topic is specifically now,
01:37and it's going to be a big one.
01:40Can women have guy friends?
01:44I'm just going to open the floor.
01:47All right.
01:48I'll put it a little general.
01:50Can men and women be friends?
01:53Right?
01:54And I would say no, firstly.
01:59Because, and be friends
02:00and just stay friends.
02:02Right.
02:02To me, what entails being a friend
02:06is a sharing of certain intimate details
02:08of your life.
02:09And when you share that with someone,
02:13eventually, of the opposite sex,
02:14eventually, feelings will start.
02:17Right?
02:18More than platonic feelings.
02:20So you could have a female associate.
02:23Let's say, okay,
02:23you're married in a committed relationship.
02:25You could have somebody of the opposite sex
02:27as an associate,
02:29as a colleague.
02:30When you reach the realms of friend,
02:32that's where danger could start
02:34because there's emotional sharing,
02:37there's intimate sharing,
02:39and both of you all will kind of get
02:41into each other's life in a certain degree
02:43that could start to grow things.
02:45But, Jay, I just want to,
02:47go ahead.
02:48I have my point.
02:49I was just going to say,
02:50I mean, intimate sharing, yes,
02:52but does that necessarily mean
02:53the relationship will get to a place
02:55of intimacy?
02:56And I do feel so,
02:58especially if there's no kind of sexual energy
03:01or no attraction, really.
03:03Because, I mean,
03:04don't get me wrong, eh?
03:05If you have friends,
03:05female friends,
03:06you will have who you might
03:07might actually be a type,
03:08and if they slip,
03:09they slide.
03:10Yeah.
03:11Well, then there's not your friend.
03:14Well, you start off as friends,
03:15but, I mean,
03:16a position,
03:17a situation present itself,
03:18a nice, cool,
03:19cool night somewhere in Tobago,
03:21a cool night in Tobago.
03:24It's softening.
03:26It must be real.
03:27So, as opposed to,
03:28let's say,
03:28a friend that has your friend
03:30and the night could be cool,
03:31it could be whatever,
03:32but you're cool.
03:34But, you know,
03:35I want to really explore.
03:36Attraction important.
03:37I agree.
03:38Now,
03:39I even want to contest that,
03:42but just to touch on what,
03:43start off what Johansi said.
03:47Where's that line evident?
03:49So, you know,
03:50you always hear when you're dating,
03:51are we an item now?
03:54People ask the question,
03:55at what point do you become an item?
03:57Are you dating?
03:57Does it mean that you can date other people?
03:59When those conversations don't happen,
04:01so if I have a colleague,
04:02at what point is it evident
04:04that we are now friends?
04:07If I'm your colleague for eight years
04:09and we've shared some conversations,
04:11even if it's a case of how that party was
04:15or how that line was
04:17or my condolences,
04:19or congratulations on your wedding,
04:21these are things that,
04:23when do you cross over
04:24into what could be seen as a friendship?
04:27And therefore,
04:28it still comes down to the point of,
04:31can I be friends?
04:32And to touch on what you said,
04:34attraction,
04:35matraction.
04:36Once you reach a point of,
04:39like you said,
04:40you're cool,
04:41it's a cool night in Tobago,
04:43man is man.
04:45And opportunity is opportunity.
04:47And there are times,
04:48Jay,
04:49let's be honest,
04:51let's be honest.
04:52Woman is woman too.
04:53Let's be honest.
04:54You're going up,
04:54you know those things that I've heard.
04:56I mean,
04:56I've heard conversations about these things
04:58like peepholes and things like that,
04:59right?
05:00And lights off,
05:02whatever the case may be,
05:04and something happening.
05:07Does it matter,
05:08that particular point?
05:10I think it does.
05:11I think,
05:11you know,
05:11it boils down again,
05:13everybody will be an individual
05:15when it comes to this particular development
05:17and people couldn't really speak on themselves
05:19and what they'll do.
05:20But I think sincerely,
05:21if you're in tune with yourself,
05:24it takes,
05:25don't get me wrong,
05:25it's not easy.
05:26It takes a lot of self-restraint.
05:27But I think you could put it in such a way
05:30that it won't go across that particular line.
05:34As opposed to if you really have an attraction
05:36to somebody,
05:37I think it's a little more difficult.
05:38And if somebody asks,
05:39what are we?
05:40I remember somebody once saying that,
05:42you tell the girl that we are the world,
05:44you know,
05:44we are the children.
05:45We are the world.
05:47We are the children.
05:48We are the world.
05:50What are we?
05:50What kind of question is that?
05:52People should know.
05:53We don't have to ask these questions
05:54that define relationships.
05:56You must know what that friendship is.
05:57Now,
05:57women need to ask that question
05:59to define relationships
06:00because if left up to men,
06:01we will just go,
06:03we will ride our bus until the end,
06:04until we'll never actually give them a point.
06:07But to bring it back to
06:08if women could have male friends,
06:10right?
06:11The reality is,
06:12is that,
06:13I say yes,
06:14simply because women get inundated
06:16with men whole day
06:19and they get to choose
06:20who they decide they want to get with,
06:23right?
06:23So it really boils down to
06:25if it is a man is okay
06:27with himself
06:27of her having
06:29options or options
06:31so close within her sphere.
06:33That's literally what we're talking about here.
06:35I say yes.
06:35I say it's not a problem.
06:37Personally.
06:38I want to bring it,
06:39I want to bring it back
06:40to the original question,
06:41right?
06:41I put more clarity
06:43on the question.
06:44Can women
06:45have guy friends?
06:47But
06:47it is not necessarily
06:49that the woman
06:51themselves
06:52or the woman
06:53herself
06:54may be attracted
06:57to the man.
06:57Right.
06:58But the man,
06:58so in other words,
07:00let's flip it.
07:00Let's flip it.
07:02A man is just there
07:04in the wings
07:05and at this point
07:06he might even realize
07:07maybe the opportunity
07:08was there.
07:09You know,
07:09she says,
07:10then that's not a friend.
07:11Well,
07:12nobody's a friend.
07:13That's not a friend.
07:14If the man
07:15want to jam you,
07:16he's not your friend.
07:18I do understand that.
07:19I can't accept that answer.
07:21What do you mean?
07:21Yeah, you answer it.
07:22I feel we got a shit
07:23from that.
07:24What is a friend then?
07:24Let us define friend.
07:25Then you're
07:26maybe a lover in wait.
07:28You're waiting
07:29for an opportunity
07:30but then he's not a friend
07:31because friend,
07:32unless all they're together,
07:34is platonic,
07:36right?
07:36Me and my wife
07:37could be friends
07:38and we're together,
07:40right?
07:40But if she
07:41have somebody
07:42who is a male friend
07:43who is looking
07:44for the opportunity
07:45to jam,
07:46then that is not
07:46our friend.
07:47That man,
07:47he's listening.
07:48That man,
07:48he's listening.
07:49He's waiting for an action.
07:50Oppa!
07:53That is not our friend.
07:54This man here
07:55living in a utopian world.
07:57Nah.
07:57You living in a utopian world.
07:58That is not our friend.
07:59I look at it from the realm again
08:00and I go back to my original
08:01point of intimacy.
08:02Intimacy changes everything.
08:04Now,
08:04intimacy is now only sex, eh?
08:05Well,
08:06I talk in sex.
08:06I talk in intimacy.
08:07So,
08:07let me use the word sex.
08:08Okay,
08:08sex then.
08:09Right.
08:09All right?
08:10You know,
08:10it end up going down
08:12that particular road.
08:12That is where now
08:13feelings get involved
08:14and the dynamics change.
08:16Up until that point,
08:17it's a friendship,
08:18you know?
08:18Correct.
08:20But you could be friends.
08:21Being friends with a woman
08:22doesn't necessarily mean
08:24you're friends with the
08:25boyfriend
08:26or the husband
08:27or anything else.
08:28You still could be friends
08:30with that person.
08:31But you want to jam?
08:32But you're not necessarily
08:33going in there
08:33saying you want to jam.
08:34Men are opportunistic
08:36in terms.
08:37We talk about,
08:38we had other conversations
08:39where we talk about
08:40polyamorous relationships
08:42and people.
08:43But I think the key is also,
08:45the key is
08:46knowing your partner.
08:47And if I'm dealing
08:49with somebody
08:49and that's my girl,
08:51that's my,
08:51you get to the place
08:52of that's your wife,
08:54you will know
08:54what she might be attracted
08:55to,
08:56who she owns.
08:57And if the man
08:58kind of,
08:59you know,
08:59that is why men
09:00have bigger horrors
09:00with other men.
09:01Because you know personally
09:02that this man
09:03actually might capture
09:05the eyes and attention
09:06of a woman.
09:06but if it's a guy
09:07totally out of her
09:09her spectrum,
09:11he mightn't take a horrors,
09:12you don't feel threatened.
09:13That's the thing.
09:14A guy totally
09:15out of her spectrum.
09:16So the woman
09:17may not act on it
09:19so a woman
09:19can have a guy friend.
09:21But let's face it,
09:22the guy himself
09:23might be like,
09:24hey,
09:24she's our best,
09:25she's out of my league,
09:27but if an opportunity
09:28presented it to himself,
09:29he will never,
09:30he will never act on it
09:31because he may,
09:32he would lose that friendship
09:33because she is not interested.
09:34She's a one-way friendship
09:35so she's his friend
09:36but he's not her friend.
09:37But you have this understanding
09:38of what a,
09:39because you want a jam
09:40means you're not a friend.
09:42That is a very,
09:43that is a very,
09:43so with friends with benefits,
09:45if you want a jam
09:45is not,
09:46Friends with benefits
09:47is not a thing
09:48in your will.
09:49No.
09:50That is just
09:51a relationship with,
09:52a relationship with sex,
09:53you're not really friends.
09:54And or,
09:55sometimes you see
09:56that friends with benefits
09:57does a couple
09:58by one or both people
10:00because they don't
10:00want to come in.
10:01What they really have
10:02is a relationship.
10:03Right?
10:04They're really
10:05in a relationship
10:05but they,
10:07they copy it out
10:07in some way.
10:08Sometimes,
10:08sometimes my friend,
10:09my close friend
10:10that I will look at as,
10:12yo,
10:13another interested.
10:15You're not that interested.
10:16Hold on guys,
10:17hold on,
10:17hold on.
10:18Dictionary meaning
10:19for your benefit.
10:21The meaning of friend.
10:22Dictionary meaning.
10:23A person with whom
10:25one has a bond
10:27of mutual affection.
10:29Let me,
10:29let me read that again.
10:31Mutual affection.
10:31A person with whom
10:32one has a bond
10:33of mutual affection.
10:34I take your point.
10:36Typically one exclusive
10:37of sexual
10:39or family relations.
10:41Typically.
10:42Typically.
10:42Typically.
10:43Mutual affection.
10:44Doesn't mean
10:44there's not an exception.
10:46Okay.
10:46So having the exception.
10:48Mutual affection.
10:49Right?
10:50If she don't want to jam
10:52but he wants to jam
10:53then it's not
10:53mutual affection.
10:55Typically.
10:56The word is.
10:57You want me to
10:57google the word
10:58typically?
11:00Alright, alright.
11:01I'll go in with typically.
11:02Because there's an exception.
11:03So generally
11:04I have
11:05female friends
11:06and I can tell you
11:07I don't want to jam them.
11:09Not because
11:10they're not attractive
11:11but the friendship
11:12means way more
11:13than anything
11:14being skewed in there.
11:15And of course
11:16I also want to be
11:17faithful to my partner
11:18but I wouldn't say
11:20that in the past
11:21I didn't have
11:23female friends
11:23who
11:24you know
11:25that I may have
11:26wanted something more
11:27or would have
11:27taken the opportunity
11:28on a cold night
11:29in Tobago.
11:30So I don't want to
11:30ask them
11:31and let's be real
11:31because it's real talk
11:32and real talk.
11:33That's all we have.
11:34Plenty times women
11:35will transition
11:35into friendship
11:36because at some point
11:37at some moment
11:38that early part
11:40of the relationship
11:41when you saw this person
11:42get to know them
11:43you wanted to you know
11:44but sometimes you realize
11:45the person not you're near
11:46the energy not there
11:48so you just segue
11:49now into a friendship
11:50because it come like
11:50you bowl your ball
11:51and you bowl wide.
11:52Right.
11:52Got a ball.
11:53Right.
11:53You bowl a ball already
11:54early.
11:55The ball was wide
11:56but you just
11:56because you don't want
11:57to make it look like
11:58your fox can get
12:00the grapes
12:00so you see it's sour
12:01you act normal
12:02and it end up now
12:03developing into a friendship
12:04you realize with not
12:05this girl really
12:06have nice ways
12:07and you're cool
12:08but you bowl a ball already
12:10and you're not going
12:10to bowl the ball again.
12:11And you're not going
12:13to bowl the ball again.
12:13No you're going to bowl
12:14the ball again.
12:15But if she say
12:16cold night in Tobago
12:17you have six.
12:21Exactly.
12:21I see that's my point.
12:22No but that's still
12:23making it
12:23but you're still friends.
12:24If I bowl the ball
12:25and it's wide I got it.
12:26Listen thus far
12:27thus far I go in
12:29with evidence.
12:30Right.
12:30Right.
12:30I am okay to change
12:31in my thoughts
12:32but I have not seen
12:34that happen.
12:35Right.
12:36All men
12:36and this is not in the world
12:38all men I've spoken to
12:39I'm not getting
12:39miniatypically
12:40for your answer.
12:41Right.
12:43That say they have
12:44this friendship
12:45with somebody
12:45eventually
12:46and even me observing
12:48eventually
12:48something could
12:50or does happen
12:51in that
12:53and the only reason
12:54it does not happen
12:55is because maybe
12:56it was circumstantial
12:58but if you're saying
12:59at first
12:59I don't want to sleep
13:01with this person
13:01but if you get
13:03the opportunity
13:03you will
13:04right.
13:05It's not a conscious thing.
13:06What do you mean
13:07it's not a conscious thing?
13:08I'm saying that people
13:09in the same way
13:10colleagues can develop
13:11you could develop
13:12a friendship
13:12as a result of being
13:13a colleague
13:13over an extensive
13:14period of time.
13:15If that friendship
13:16and the status
13:17of that friendship
13:17changes
13:18whether it be
13:19the person
13:19that they may be with
13:20you get a divorce
13:21or they're no longer
13:22with that person
13:23your circumstances change
13:24you may be working
13:25on a project
13:26you see things
13:27that you didn't notice
13:28before things develop
13:29you always see people
13:30say that person
13:31is now my best friend
13:32right.
13:33Let me give you
13:34a biological perspective
13:36of this right.
13:37So when two people
13:39meet each other
13:39for the first time
13:41right
13:42you have
13:43you're always on guard
13:44because you don't
13:45know this person
13:45whether it is male
13:46or female
13:46exactly
13:46you don't know
13:47this person
13:47so you're on guard
13:48right.
13:49But the more
13:50that you see this person
13:51the more you interact
13:52with this person
13:53naturally your guard
13:54go down
13:54chemistry
13:55and I believe
13:56I believe
13:59it's serotonin
14:00is the hormone
14:01that is produced
14:02when you are
14:03around somebody
14:03you're comfortable
14:04with
14:05right.
14:05So the more
14:06you are around
14:06this person
14:07the more comfortable
14:08you get
14:08then
14:09and I'm going
14:10biological
14:10so you talk
14:11about conscious
14:12just now
14:13so I'm going
14:13unconscious now
14:14unconsciously
14:15you guard open
14:17you guard open
14:18somebody
14:18so if it's
14:19a male and female
14:20you guard open
14:21and that's where
14:22the feelings
14:22come in sometimes
14:23and you don't even
14:24know where it
14:24come from
14:25because even
14:26though you do
14:26follow through
14:27on something
14:28right
14:28you might say
14:29well how come
14:30I'm feeling this
14:31way about this
14:31person
14:32or the person
14:32might pass
14:33and touch
14:34a bye bye
14:35mistake
14:35and you feel
14:35a certain
14:36or you're
14:37studying
14:37I want to talk
14:39to this person
14:39and why I want
14:40to talk to him
14:41or her boy
14:41what I'm saying
14:42is it happens
14:44it happens
14:44unconsciously
14:45and I'm going
14:46to add a caveat
14:46to that quick
14:47it's like
14:48a woman passing
14:49every day
14:50and a man
14:51so isn't she
14:52and the man
14:52that is not
14:53she type
14:54she's not on him
14:55at all
14:55right
14:56but everyday
14:56soothing
14:57every day
14:58eventually
14:59she will realize
15:01he's not dangerous
15:02right
15:02the first time
15:03she see him
15:04he might be dangerous
15:05eventually
15:06eventually
15:06right
15:06so let me say
15:07it happened
15:07for a month
15:08straight
15:08after a while
15:09when she passed
15:10by him
15:10one day
15:11he's not there
15:11and he didn't
15:12suit
15:12she will miss him
15:14maybe not even
15:15consciously
15:15it's unconsciously
15:17something that
15:17happens
15:18and attraction
15:19part of that
15:20too
15:20is unconscious
15:21so therefore
15:22if you're talking
15:22to somebody
15:23which is your friend
15:24if you're using your friend
15:25so your colleague
15:26you've seen him
15:27every day
15:27you're not consciously
15:28I don't want to sleep
15:29with this person
15:29but you've seen him
15:30every day
15:30every day
15:31eventually
15:32that occurs
15:33so
15:34I
15:35I hate to break
15:38the momentum
15:38I hate to break
15:40the momentum
15:40but we certainly
15:41come back
15:41and continue
15:42with that
15:42that biology
15:44and that science
15:44because
15:45there's a lot
15:46there's more
15:46than the pestle
15:47with regards to that
15:48and we're going to
15:49turn it on its head
15:51now
15:51because we keep saying
15:52can women have
15:53guy friends
15:53but the truth is
15:54if women
15:55could have guy friends
15:57or we're saying
15:58according to Steve Harvey
15:59no they can't
16:00right
16:00the question is then
16:01is it then that
16:02your male partner
16:04women
16:04can then have
16:06a girlfriend
16:08because then
16:09can males have
16:10can they have
16:12a female friend
16:12so it turns it on its head
16:13so guys be very
16:14very careful
16:15with what
16:16what you're really
16:16saying or accepting
16:17but we take
16:18a short break
16:19so I'd really
16:31like to thank you
16:32for staying with us
16:33and to thank
16:34our sponsors
16:34Jameson
16:35and Racetrack
16:37a really snazzy set
16:38you know everyone
16:39who comes on the set
16:40says they feel
16:40a sense of
16:41testosterone
16:42being on this set
16:43and part of that
16:44testosterone
16:45is not necessarily
16:46what it takes
16:46to be a man
16:47I mean it's part
16:48of the biology
16:49as my friend here
16:50was discussing
16:51just before the break
16:52but it's all about
16:55standards
16:56and morals
16:57and speaking of morals
16:59speaking of biology
17:00this is where we now
17:01turn things on the head
17:02because the opening
17:04question
17:04the opening salvo
17:05was all about
17:06can women
17:07have guy friends
17:08but if we're seeing
17:10and I've looked at
17:11quite a few podcasts
17:12if men
17:13across the globe
17:15are saying
17:15no women
17:16can't have guy friends
17:17then
17:18it means that
17:20all friends
17:20are supposed to be
17:21female, female
17:22male, male
17:23because
17:23if I'm saying
17:24to my partner
17:26oh you can't have
17:27any guy friends
17:28because I know
17:29what guys are thinking
17:30what going on
17:31in their head
17:32then
17:32can she not
17:34ask me
17:35so therefore
17:36how come you can
17:36have girl friends
17:37it means that
17:37aren't you a guy
17:39it means you are
17:40thinking
17:40the same way
17:41so be very careful
17:43with exactly
17:43what you're willing
17:44to accept
17:44or not accept
17:45and what your
17:46position is
17:47and
17:48this
17:51based on that
17:52I see you smiling
17:53there like
17:53oh my god
17:54people are going
17:55to be set up
17:55now in a particular
17:56way
17:56but that's the truth
17:57we're not about
17:58on this show
18:00we're about being real
18:01we're meeting people
18:02where they're at
18:03we're talking
18:04we're talking
18:04real things
18:05and we're not about
18:07we're not about
18:10being false
18:11or being
18:12you know
18:13what is good
18:14for the goose
18:14must be good
18:15for the gander
18:15I agree
18:16so
18:16or
18:17without being said
18:19no
18:20no the answer
18:21is no
18:21men can't have
18:22female friends
18:23either
18:23that is weird
18:25this guy
18:25don't you see
18:26how unbalanced
18:27that is
18:28as humans
18:29for us to say
18:31that if I'm in a
18:31relationship
18:32I can't have
18:33any female friends
18:34you're not learning
18:35any skills
18:36and I'm saying
18:36don't talk to
18:37females
18:37and I'm saying
18:38don't have
18:38friends
18:39we're talking
18:39about people
18:40confidence
18:40that you could
18:41speak with
18:42why confiding
18:43in somebody
18:43besides your
18:44husband or your
18:45wife
18:46because they
18:47might have
18:47other things
18:48some of my
18:48it could be
18:49a therapist
18:49called a
18:50professional
18:50environment
18:51yeah but again
18:52let's go back
18:52down to
18:53learning skills
18:54right
18:55as humans
18:56we have
18:57to be
18:57as balanced
18:58as possible
18:59they might
19:00have things
19:00they might
19:00have
19:01let's just
19:01say I don't
19:02have a wife
19:02right
19:03I don't have
19:03a girlfriend
19:03am I able
19:05to have a
19:05female friend
19:06at that point
19:06if you don't
19:07have a wife
19:07or a girlfriend
19:08it could
19:09start as a
19:10maybe start
19:10as a friendship
19:11but even
19:12why you decide
19:13to talk to
19:14this person
19:14right
19:15it could
19:16depends on
19:17okay if you
19:18decide I want
19:19to talk to this
19:20person because
19:20they're nice
19:21to talk to
19:22right
19:22that doesn't
19:23necessarily mean
19:24as a friend
19:24that could be
19:25an associate
19:25because you
19:26haven't shared
19:27anything
19:27you're not
19:27close
19:28anything like
19:28well alright
19:29but as
19:29everything
19:30it grows
19:30into something
19:31into something
19:32more
19:32so it grows
19:33into friendship
19:33so you all
19:34haven't slept
19:34together yet
19:35right
19:35that's correct
19:36right
19:36at that point
19:38when you get
19:39that close
19:39to the person
19:40you will
19:40develop feelings
19:41well right
19:42but I can
19:43develop feelings
19:44I can develop
19:44feelings
19:45I am struggling
19:45what is the word
19:46feeling in this
19:47particular situation
19:47I think we need
19:48to go back
19:48to the word
19:49friend
19:49I know
19:50Robert gave
19:50us the
19:51dictionary
19:52a lot of us
19:53in life I realize
19:54is acquaintances
19:55we have
19:56the word
19:56friend
19:56okay fine
19:57I could
19:58count friends
19:58probably on
19:59one hand
20:00and it will
20:01boil down to
20:02people probably
20:02from
20:03foundation
20:03which will
20:04be like a
20:05cousin or
20:05somebody that
20:06you grew up
20:06with somebody
20:06that you
20:07reconnect with
20:07in school
20:08and probably
20:09let's say
20:09from the
20:10workplace
20:10most people
20:11have I would
20:12say three
20:13four some
20:13people one
20:14friend you know
20:15okay friend
20:15so if we're
20:16talking about
20:17it as real
20:18friend now
20:18for me do I
20:20have like a
20:20real close
20:22female friend
20:23I could probably
20:24say one
20:25and again
20:26it have no
20:27sexual energy
20:29there that is
20:30just more
20:30else is strange
20:30we could be
20:31wherever she
20:32could come out
20:32in wherever
20:33I know
20:34we're not
20:34going through
20:35that
20:35I agree
20:36if you
20:37slip
20:37would she
20:39slap you
20:39for six
20:39no I
20:40don't feel
20:41so
20:41two of my
20:42closest friends
20:42are female
20:43and there's
20:44nothing there
20:45nothing happening
20:45in any
20:46circumstance
20:46I think when a
20:47girl said I
20:47called you
20:47brother and
20:48you said I
20:48see a girl
20:49as a sister
20:49that is when
20:51the friendship
20:52I think
20:52because those
20:53are the words
20:54women use to
20:55describe you
20:55know
20:55exactly
20:56when you
20:56are no
20:57harm and
20:57no threat
20:58to them
20:58I feel
20:58you want
20:58they say
20:59hey
21:00they
21:00know
21:00they
21:01know
21:01they
21:01know
21:02they
21:03know
21:04they
21:04know
21:04they
21:05associate
21:05them
21:05and you
21:06see them
21:06as sister
21:06because let's be real
21:07nobody looking at the sister
21:09or the brother
21:09now we
21:10but it's very rare
21:11you probably might get one
21:13in your lifetime
21:13I can't see other females
21:15in your life
21:16as friends
21:16them as acquaintances
21:17them can't be friends
21:18because let's be real
21:20that same cool night in
21:21Speyside
21:22when rain falling
21:22after 3 in the morning
21:23all you come back
21:24from a juve party
21:25is blast
21:26so wait
21:27I want to bring it back
21:28because I don't want us to go
21:29we're talking about
21:30the definition of friends
21:31and acquaintances here
21:32but let us
21:33whatever we understand
21:35by friend
21:36friends are friends
21:37you guys are my friends
21:38whether we talk
21:40every day
21:41whether you know
21:42you know what happened
21:43with my
21:44life
21:46my life
21:47and all the other things
21:48like that
21:48matters not
21:49the fact is
21:50there may be levels
21:51of friendship
21:52you know
21:52there may be friends
21:53that you go to
21:54for certain things
21:55and other ones
21:56like you said
21:57could be a day
21:57once you're real
21:58as we said
21:59we cross over
22:00to my real brethren
22:01my real sister
22:02but that being said
22:04the topic
22:05as we say
22:06I want to make it clear
22:07I am one to say
22:08women can't have
22:09guy friends
22:10but the woman
22:11also needs to be
22:13cognizant to the fact
22:14that don't be naive
22:15to the fact
22:16that something could happen
22:17and guys likewise
22:19women
22:20because people
22:21naturally
22:22you know they say
22:23opportunity makes a thief
22:24if you
22:25if somebody's passing
22:27and they're not
22:28a painter
22:28say for example
22:29or anyone
22:30is passing
22:31and you see
22:32a thousand US
22:33on a table
22:34you're not necessarily
22:35you didn't come there
22:36to steal
22:36but you see that there
22:38you might be
22:38struggling a bit
22:40pick it up
22:40there's a thief
22:41that means it was
22:41inside the air
22:42so it's the same way
22:45it's the same way
22:46with men and women
22:46inside the air
22:47exactly
22:48but that doesn't mean
22:49that they're not
22:50they're not with friends
22:51so when we talk about
22:52let's talk about
22:53our own stories here
22:55about
22:55this proverbial
22:58shoulder to cry on
23:00well
23:00I have learned
23:01through my experience
23:02that as much as
23:03what you're saying here
23:04on paper
23:05it makes sense
23:06it's very much
23:07good working template
23:09in practice
23:10it don't work out
23:11because I've learned
23:12and I end up
23:13losing out
23:14in a relationship
23:14based on me
23:15being adamant
23:16and standing firm
23:18and saying
23:18hey that's my female friend
23:19and I know them
23:20before I know you
23:21so you have to respect them
23:22because they're in my life
23:23long before I know you
23:24and
23:25she didn't give way
23:27and I didn't give way
23:28and eventually
23:29she was
23:30she was leaving
23:31she went
23:32I'm leaving
23:33she give me the
23:33I'm leaving
23:34and I stand up
23:35in a kind of bubble
23:36now
23:37and I get to realize
23:38now
23:38you have to kind of
23:40almost
23:40put some of them
23:41girls on pause
23:42them female friends
23:44be cool with them
23:45but I realize
23:46you have to kind of
23:46put them on pause
23:47especially if you want
23:48the relationship
23:49why you have to put them
23:50on pause
23:51because
23:51women have seen
23:53that they are liking
23:54that vibe at all
23:55they are going and see that
23:56but not everybody mature
23:57and able to have
23:58the opposite
23:58have a female
24:00on majority
24:00you use the word
24:02naivety
24:03when somebody naive
24:05that means you
24:06don't even know
24:06what's going on
24:07so that means
24:09you can get catch
24:09and you don't even know
24:11so going back
24:11with the biological
24:12part of it
24:13sometimes what
24:14causes naivety
24:15give me a story
24:15inside of the biology
24:16I can relate
24:19more on the scenario
24:20and the biology
24:21and I'll give you
24:22something
24:22quite personal
24:23too
24:24I grew up hearing
24:26that certain things
24:28about my father
24:28in terms of
24:29him not being
24:31faithful to my mother
24:32and you know
24:34in terms of
24:34running down
24:34women and things
24:35and I said
24:36I am not
24:38I swear to myself
24:39I'm not going
24:40to be that person
24:41so from young
24:42maybe even
24:43eight
24:44anywhere between
24:45eight and ten
24:45I remember reading
24:46psychology books
24:47on women
24:49and how to treat
24:49women
24:50and things like that
24:51and understanding
24:52the plight of women
24:53with men
24:53etc
24:54so I say
24:54you know what
24:55I'm going to
24:56treat as many
24:57women good
24:58as possible
24:59and you know
25:00what I'm just
25:00going to be
25:01their friend
25:01I'm not going
25:01to go after
25:02them for nothing
25:03so as many
25:05women
25:05and then I
25:06remember
25:06I was in
25:07form two
25:08or form three
25:09and saying
25:10then I remember
25:11on Valentine's
25:12Day
25:12writing five
25:14different poems
25:14trying to be
25:15unique
25:15and saying
25:16wait now
25:18I becoming
25:19what I didn't
25:20want to become
25:21but thinking
25:22all of these
25:23girls in my mind
25:24women friends
25:25but because of
25:26spending time
25:27talking to them
25:27being that
25:28shoulder to cry
25:29on
25:29showing them
25:30love
25:31and I'm going to
25:31say love
25:32platonic love
25:33the feelings
25:34develop
25:35whether or not
25:36I wanted it to
25:38and I said
25:39but how I
25:40came to this
25:41point
25:41and I said
25:42maybe
25:42and I thought
25:43maybe something
25:43wrong with me
25:44but then I
25:45started observing
25:46it throughout
25:46the years
25:47with other people
25:48male and female
25:49and realizing
25:49if you continue
25:51along this path
25:51feelings will
25:52eventually develop
25:53and again
25:54I opened a
25:55change in the
25:55tunnel
25:56but I haven't
25:56had any
25:57empirical evidence
25:58to show
25:58otherwise
25:59you know in
26:00school at
26:00those times
26:01good guys
26:01finish last
26:02I'm just saying
26:02later on
26:03they may want
26:04to
26:05that's a whole
26:06other conversation
26:07again
26:07so let me
26:09go into
26:09say that
26:10to the nation
26:11shoulders
26:12are for legs
26:12not tears
26:13right
26:14but we move
26:15on to
26:16let me give you
26:17a story
26:17right
26:18let me give you
26:20a story
26:20so I had a
26:21friend
26:21most of my
26:22most of my
26:22friends
26:23are actually
26:24female
26:24we do this
26:25right
26:25we had a
26:26friend
26:26I had a
26:27friend
26:27like as in
26:29I've over
26:3120 years
26:32friendship
26:32right
26:33hard past tense
26:35well we're still
26:35friends to this
26:36day but I'm
26:37going to give
26:37a story now
26:38that may give
26:39some evidence
26:40of what you're
26:41saying to make
26:42your point
26:42but we were
26:44friends for over
26:4420 years
26:45I see her
26:45kids grew up
26:47as in I was
26:48always there
26:48part of her
26:49life right
26:49and one
26:50day she
26:51was down
26:51bad
26:52the person
26:53that
26:53had a
26:54cold night
26:55in Spaceside
26:56happened
26:56baby dad
26:58wasn't
26:59giving
26:59blah blah
27:00so she
27:02asked to
27:02borrow some
27:03meat
27:03and I
27:05loaned her
27:06the meat
27:06I said
27:07this is a
27:10temporary
27:10loan
27:11after two
27:11you know
27:12the moment
27:13there
27:14I was really
27:15hoping when
27:15you said
27:16some meat
27:17I was hoping
27:17you meant
27:17like a cup
27:18of sugar
27:18that analogy
27:19I didn't
27:20realize
27:20she asked
27:20for a little
27:21bit of sausage
27:22I lent it
27:24to her
27:25you obliged
27:25I obliged
27:27it made her
27:28feel better
27:29it made her
27:30feel wanted
27:30it made her
27:31feel like
27:32it filled her
27:33up she felt
27:34like a woman
27:34again which is
27:35what she
27:35was valuing
27:37the day
27:39after
27:39we went
27:41back to
27:41how we
27:42were
27:42until the
27:43day I
27:44feel like
27:44I need
27:45to get
27:45my payment
27:46back
27:46I would
27:47like
27:47some salami
27:49at some
27:52point maybe
27:53you know
27:53if ever I
27:54feel like
27:55you know
27:55hey I
27:56don't feel
27:56like a
27:56man right
27:57now
27:57I
27:57remember
27:58that loan
27:58that I
27:59gave
27:59back in
27:59the day
28:00I just
28:01want to
28:01say
28:01nation
28:01remember
28:02we spoke
28:03about
28:03when I
28:03said the
28:03definition
28:04of a
28:04friend
28:04and we
28:05spoke
28:05about
28:05typically
28:06so
28:07typically
28:07there's
28:08always
28:08an
28:08exception
28:09meet
28:10Niall
28:10McNeish
28:10I
28:10don't
28:11know
28:11if
28:11that
28:11is
28:11the
28:11exception
28:11I
28:12think
28:12that
28:14is
28:14the
28:14rule
28:15not the
28:15exception
28:16but we
28:16still
28:17cool
28:17think about
28:18it
28:18not
28:18friends
28:21but wait
28:21I find
28:22that I
28:22was even
28:22more of a
28:23friend than
28:23anybody
28:24I did
28:24what most
28:25friends
28:26want
28:26I
28:27was
28:27there
28:28for her
28:28inside
28:29and
28:29out
28:30when you
28:30really
28:30think about
28:31it
28:31I
28:32gave her
28:34what she
28:34needed
28:34that is
28:36not a
28:37friend
28:37that is
28:38something
28:38a little
28:38more than
28:39a friend
28:39maybe less
28:40than a
28:40husband
28:40or a
28:41boyfriend
28:41right
28:42and I
28:42don't want to
28:43get too
28:43semantic
28:44but that is
28:45not a
28:46friend
28:46y'all are
28:46not
28:47friends
28:47I don't
28:48know how
28:49then
28:49before you
28:51said
28:51friends
28:51with
28:51benefits
28:52we
28:52come
28:52back
28:52because
28:53y'all are
28:53friends
28:53but
28:54they
28:54are
28:54those
28:55benefits
28:55then
28:56y'all are
28:56not
28:56friends
28:57based on
28:59your
28:59definition
28:59I
29:00think
29:00what's
29:00important
29:00and what I
29:01get to
29:01understand
29:02in the
29:02journey
29:02if
29:03you
29:04meet
29:05someone
29:05and
29:06you
29:06meet a
29:07girl
29:08and
29:08you
29:08develop
29:08a
29:09vibe
29:09and
29:09you
29:10see
29:10potential
29:11I
29:11think
29:12it's
29:12important
29:12to
29:12introduce
29:13her
29:13to
29:13your
29:13friends
29:13and
29:14let
29:14her
29:14see
29:15from
29:15the
29:16onset
29:16this
29:16is
29:17your
29:17circle
29:17and
29:18if
29:18they
29:18are
29:18female
29:19person
29:19in
29:19the
29:19mix
29:20let
29:20her
29:20know
29:20this
29:21is
29:21my
29:21sister
29:21in
29:21from
29:21long
29:21time
29:22and
29:22see
29:22how
29:23that
29:23dynamic
29:23work out
29:24because
29:24sometimes
29:24funnily enough
29:25your girl
29:26and your
29:26female
29:26friend
29:27end up
29:28real close
29:28as in
29:29they like
29:30sisters
29:31and then
29:31sometimes
29:31the chemistry
29:32off
29:32they
29:33like
29:33her
29:33and
29:34in
29:34that
29:34moment
29:35you
29:35have
29:35to
29:35make
29:35a
29:35decision
29:36and
29:36most
29:36times
29:37you
29:37go
29:37with
29:37where
29:37you
29:37get
29:38the
29:38warmth
29:46for
29:47years
29:47before
29:47you
29:47meet
29:48this
29:48particular
29:48person
29:48but
29:49again
29:49as
29:49a
29:49man
29:50how
29:50serious
29:51you
29:51want
29:52that
29:53relationship
29:53to
29:53establish
29:54itself
29:54because
29:55love
29:55again
29:56and
29:56relationship
29:57is a
29:57choice
29:57and
29:58if
29:58you
29:58make
29:58a
29:58choice
29:59that
29:59in
29:59my
30:00mind
30:00as
30:00I
30:00learn
30:01the
30:01game
30:02now
30:02if
30:03I
30:03make
30:03a
30:03choice
30:03that
30:03this
30:03is
30:04what
30:04I
30:04want
30:04sometimes
30:05them
30:05things
30:06are
30:06you
30:07got
30:07a
30:07ease
30:07of
30:08especially
30:08if
30:08it's
30:08a
30:08female
30:09dynamic
30:09because
30:10women
30:10just
30:10feel
30:10threatened
30:11too
30:11within
30:12our
30:12vibe
30:12so
30:13it
30:13comes
30:13to
30:13that
30:14moment
30:14again
30:14you
30:15know
30:16and
30:17on
30:18this
30:18show
30:18we
30:18always
30:18pride
30:19ourselves
30:19to
30:19say
30:20that
30:20even
30:20though
30:20there's
30:21equal
30:21opinion
30:21the
30:22opinion
30:23is
30:23never
30:23just
30:26on
30:27based
30:27on
30:28what
30:28that
30:28person
30:28is
30:28so
30:29I
30:29don't
30:29want
30:29us
30:29to
30:29be
30:29walking
30:30away
30:30thinking
30:30this
30:31person
30:31thinks
30:31this
30:32or
30:32this
30:32person
30:32thinks
30:33that
30:33it's
30:33a
30:33conversation
30:34that's
30:34happening
30:35and
30:36even
30:36though
30:37it
30:37might
30:37be
30:37four
30:37persons
30:38the
30:38irony
30:39is
30:39even
30:39though
30:39it
30:39seems
30:40like
30:40three
30:40have
30:41one
30:41side
30:42of
30:42an
30:42opinion
30:42to
30:43a
30:44fourth
30:44it
30:45still
30:45comes
30:46down
30:46to
30:46an
30:46equal
30:46viewpoint
30:47because
30:47it's
30:47a
30:48conversation
30:48we're
30:49taking a
30:49short
30:49break
30:50and
30:51during
30:52that
30:53break
30:53I wish
30:54you guys
30:54could hear
30:55some of
30:55the
30:56behind
30:56the
30:57scenes
30:57loan
30:58officer
30:58here
30:59but
30:59loan
30:59officer
30:59conversation
31:12the
31:12conversation
31:13is
31:13about
31:14can
31:14women
31:15have
31:15guy
31:16friends
31:16can
31:16men
31:17have
31:17women
31:17friends
31:18the
31:19definition
31:20came
31:20about
31:20about
31:21what
31:21is
31:21a
31:21friend
31:22what
31:22is
31:22an
31:22acquaintance
31:23can
31:24you
31:24as
31:25some
31:25may
31:25say
31:26can
31:26you
31:27have
31:27a
31:27friend
31:27jam
31:28and
31:29go
31:30back
31:30to
31:30being
31:30that
31:30friend
31:31there's
31:31so
31:31much
31:31conversation
31:32happening
31:32here
31:33and
31:33again
31:33I'd
31:34really
31:34love
31:34if
31:35some
31:36of
31:36you
31:36at
31:36some
31:37point
31:37will
31:37be
31:37open
31:37to
31:38seeing
31:38some
31:38of
31:38the
31:39behind
31:39the
31:39scenes
31:39conversations
31:40and the
31:40conversations
31:41that lead
31:41to
31:41what
31:42we
31:42then
31:42dialogue
31:43when
31:43the
31:44cameras
31:44come
31:44back
31:44on
31:45so
31:47mixed
31:47feelings
31:48mixed
31:49emotions
31:49a lot
31:50of
31:50yeses
31:51a lot
31:51of
31:52no's
31:52still
31:53some
31:53vague
31:54areas
31:54I'm
31:54not
31:55sure
31:55I've
31:55transitioned
31:55to
31:56any
31:56particular
31:56side
31:57as
31:57yet
31:57I'm
31:58still
31:58of
31:58the
31:58opinion
31:59yes
32:00a man
32:01can have
32:02a female
32:02friend
32:03and yes
32:04a female
32:04can have
32:05a guy
32:05friend
32:05and
32:06even
32:07though
32:07in
32:08certain
32:08cases
32:09things
32:09may
32:09materialize
32:11and become
32:11something
32:12else
32:12I don't
32:13think
32:13that that
32:13takes away
32:14from the
32:15fact that
32:15they were
32:15friends
32:16or could
32:17be friends
32:17initially
32:18circumstances
32:19human
32:20nature
32:20biology
32:22all of
32:22these
32:23other
32:23things
32:23come into
32:25play
32:26and I
32:26want to
32:26say to
32:26you
32:27if you
32:27had a
32:27friend
32:29whether you
32:29call it
32:29a friend
32:30acquaintance
32:31colleague
32:31whatever
32:32tickles
32:32you or
32:33pickles
32:33your hands
32:33for a
32:35particular
32:35definition
32:36and
32:37you were
32:38in a
32:38let's
32:39go really
32:40out there
32:42you were in
32:43a cave
32:44you went
32:45you go on
32:45a hike
32:46and don't
32:46tell me that
32:47you shouldn't
32:47have gone
32:47on a hike
32:48in the
32:48first place
32:48with the
32:48woman
32:49right
32:49we play
32:50it out
32:50you're in
32:51a cave
32:52cave caves
32:53in and
32:54you're there
32:55for
32:55you see
32:56any movies
32:57you end up
32:57having to
32:58go and
32:58hunt together
33:00be together
33:00all of these
33:01different things
33:02happen
33:02you live
33:02right
33:02so in
33:03over a
33:05period of
33:06time
33:06you want
33:06to tell
33:07me
33:07blue lagoon
33:08for those
33:08of you
33:08who are
33:09old enough
33:09to know
33:09something
33:11wouldn't
33:11happen
33:12something
33:12wouldn't
33:12transpire
33:13so at
33:15that point
33:15it's not
33:15your friend
33:16anymore
33:16you know
33:17because
33:17you can't
33:18you clearly
33:18can't
33:18yeah
33:18if something
33:19happens
33:19that's not
33:20your friend
33:20so what
33:22changes
33:22nation
33:23what changes
33:24all right
33:25so I
33:26I was being
33:27a bit hard
33:28on fast
33:28right
33:28for a
33:29reason
33:30right
33:30now
33:31we're using
33:33these terms
33:33friends
33:34associates
33:35and
33:36transitioning
33:37to friendship
33:37colleagues
33:38etc
33:38right
33:39some of it
33:40could be
33:40semantics
33:41because
33:41human
33:42behavior
33:42is a
33:42dynamic
33:43thing
33:43in general
33:44and
33:45I will
33:45go back
33:45to even
33:46what we
33:46started
33:46to the
33:47pillar
33:47with manhood
33:48about being
33:48true to
33:48yourself
33:49as a man
33:50you have to
33:50be honest
33:50with yourself
33:51right
33:51you know
33:52the type
33:53of feelings
33:53you have
33:54for a female
33:55whether it is
33:56you're developing
33:56a new relationship
33:57old relationship
33:58however long
33:59it is friends
34:00etc
34:00so you have to
34:01know exactly
34:01how you feel
34:02now you can't
34:03account for the
34:04other person's
34:05feelings
34:05right
34:06but you're
34:06accounting for
34:07yourself
34:07you would know
34:08if you're
34:09talking to this
34:10person a little
34:10too much
34:11if you start
34:12to feel
34:12a certain way
34:13right
34:13now
34:14even if you
34:15will never
34:15cross the
34:16platonic lines
34:17physically
34:18you know
34:19how you're
34:20feeling
34:20you know
34:20sometimes
34:21if you're
34:22in an intimate
34:22moment with
34:23somebody else
34:23you might be
34:24thinking about
34:24that person
34:25you know
34:26exactly what
34:27is going on
34:27and I'm going
34:28with that
34:28honesty part
34:29because sometimes
34:29we say
34:30well nah
34:30nothing ever
34:31happened between
34:32I will never
34:32think with
34:33she or she
34:33never come
34:34away
34:34but you
34:34know
34:35you know
34:36in your
34:36heart
34:37you know
34:38in your
34:38heart
34:39that
34:39you would
34:40do
34:40something
34:40you know
34:41in your
34:41heart
34:41that
34:41this person
34:42like you
34:43but
34:43she married
34:45you married
34:45but if
34:46all you
34:46was married
34:47you know
34:48when
34:48something
34:49more than
34:50platonic
34:51is going
34:51on
34:51or you might have
34:51been friends
34:52before
34:52and you simply
34:53as Jay mentioned
34:54you simply
34:54don't want to
34:55lose that
34:55friend
34:56you want
34:56your cake
34:57and you want
34:57to eat it
34:58so
35:00not only
35:02going from
35:02a sexual
35:02or physical
35:03point
35:03even
35:04let's go
35:04to the
35:05emotional
35:05point
35:05you have
35:06a wife
35:06you have
35:07a girlfriend
35:07right
35:08to me
35:09that's supposed
35:10to be the
35:10person that
35:11you have
35:12most of
35:12your emotional
35:13space
35:13that you share
35:14the most
35:14with
35:14so if
35:15you start
35:15to feel
35:16like
35:16something
35:18happened
35:18but I
35:18really want
35:19to run
35:19to talk
35:19to
35:20Susie
35:20instead
35:21of
35:21your wife
35:21or Susie
35:22instead
35:22of
35:22your girlfriend
35:23know nothing
35:24to anybody
35:24named Susie
35:25right
35:25you know
35:27that's something
35:27wrong
35:28and you should
35:29be pulling
35:30back
35:30and I just
35:31go into that
35:31honesty
35:31part
35:32because
35:32human
35:32behavior
35:33can't
35:33predict
35:34everything
35:34right
35:35they have
35:35no
35:35hard
35:35and far
35:36exactly
35:36what is
35:37a friend
35:38my definition
35:39your definition
35:39the Saudi
35:40North
35:40West
35:41definition
35:41but to be
35:42honest with
35:42yourself
35:43you know
35:43you know
35:44when that line
35:45crosses
35:46most of the
35:46times
35:47because there's
35:47naivety
35:48there's
35:48biology
35:49but you know
35:50when you're
35:50crossing that line
35:51most of the
35:52times
35:52right
35:52so what
35:53about
35:54a man
35:55who's
35:55bisexual
35:55he's with
35:57his wife
35:57but all
35:58of a sudden
35:59he's had to
36:00think about
36:00his brethren
36:01while he's
36:02stroking
36:02is he not
36:05to have
36:06male friends
36:07now
36:07friends just
36:08lock off
36:08at that point
36:09he's just
36:09supposed to
36:09be by
36:10himself
36:10so that
36:11it just
36:11goes
36:12the only reason
36:12why I ask
36:13that question
36:13is to show
36:14that
36:14he's not
36:16to have
36:16that male
36:17friend
36:17if you're
36:18thinking about
36:18stroking
36:19that person
36:21so then
36:22you're making
36:25my point
36:25so in other
36:26words
36:26let us
36:27stop
36:27generalizing
36:29that I
36:30can't have
36:30women
36:31friends
36:31correct
36:32let us
36:33say I
36:33can't have
36:34that
36:34woman
36:35friend
36:35as part
36:37of my
36:38life
36:38because I
36:38have a
36:39certain
36:39type of
36:39feeling
36:40towards
36:40this
36:40woman
36:40so I
36:41need to
36:41be
36:41mature
36:42within
36:44myself
36:44and know
36:45maybe this
36:46is not a
36:46person I
36:47should expose
36:48myself
36:48and my
36:48relationship
36:49to
36:49based on
36:51my
36:51understanding
36:51of my
36:52needs
36:52and my
36:52girlfriend's
36:53needs
36:53here I
36:54get to
36:54realize
36:54I'm
36:55more than
36:55that go
36:55ahead
36:56I get
36:56to realize
36:57within my
36:57observation
36:57again within
36:58the life
36:59and within
36:59my journey
37:00if marriage
37:01is the
37:01pinnacle
37:01look at
37:03even
37:03look at
37:05scenarios
37:05where
37:06even as
37:07a
37:07brethren
37:08so now
37:08there's my
37:09brethren
37:09we rule in
37:10I'm a real
37:11partner
37:12now I'll
37:13come and
37:14get married
37:14now
37:14our friendship
37:15actually will
37:16take all the
37:16knock
37:16even our
37:17male friendship
37:18as in I
37:18can call you up
37:19and say
37:19hey
37:20song forge
37:20we can
37:21I can
37:21call you up
37:21and say
37:21my arrow
37:22you now
37:23kind of
37:24have to
37:24get past
37:24what stamp
37:25we say
37:25kind of
37:26say that
37:26as a joke
37:26meaning
37:26well
37:27it's not
37:28like you
37:28have to
37:29get permission
37:29but it's
37:30just you
37:30don't want
37:30to rock
37:31that boat
37:32so early
37:33so I
37:33realize that
37:34even
37:34friendship
37:35and
37:35the dynamic
37:37you feel
37:37and you
37:38have with
37:38your male
37:39brethren
37:39is kind
37:39of
37:40getting
37:40knock
37:40worse
37:40at
37:41your
37:41female
37:41friends
37:42so in
37:42essence
37:43I think
37:44ultimately
37:44once you
37:44go to
37:45that
37:45particular
37:45place
37:46it come
37:46like
37:46that's
37:46your
37:47friend
37:47not
37:48say
37:49lock
37:49off
37:49your
37:49friends
37:49because
37:50you
37:50need
37:50them
37:50still
37:51need
37:51your
37:51circle
37:51but
37:53the
37:53dependence
37:54and I guess
37:54the whole
37:55connection
37:55do be
37:56as much
37:57compared
37:58to when
37:59you're
37:59free
37:59single
38:00and disengage
38:00so that's
38:01just my
38:01observation
38:02I've been
38:03very pensive
38:04you know
38:05I love it
38:07when you have
38:08pause
38:09when you have
38:09pause for
38:10thought
38:10I came in
38:11here with a
38:11particular
38:12thought
38:13and
38:14you know
38:15even though
38:15I may still
38:16side with
38:19a particular
38:20opinion
38:22or how
38:23I definitely
38:23want to
38:24present
38:24myself
38:25you guys
38:25have certainly
38:26gave me
38:27a lot
38:27of
38:27pause
38:28and I'm
38:28sure
38:28to all
38:29our
38:30viewers
38:30and listeners
38:31out there
38:31you know
38:32I just
38:32want to
38:32throw in
38:32maybe
38:33you know
38:34and as
38:34you quite
38:35rightly
38:35mentioned
38:35we've
38:36sort of
38:37broad brush
38:37this thing
38:38to male
38:38female
38:38you know
38:39heterosexual
38:40relationships
38:41but what
38:41happens
38:42to gay
38:43relationships
38:43and bisexual
38:44I think
38:46lots of
38:46women
38:46men
38:47don't
38:47mind
38:47if
38:48the
38:48girl
38:49actually
38:50men
38:50some men
38:50are very
38:50cool
38:51with the
38:51woman
38:51having a
38:52gay
38:53brethren
38:54because
38:54they
38:54know
38:54the
38:56man
38:57not
38:57in
38:57that
38:57way
38:58the
38:59big
38:59drawing
39:00not in my
39:01experience
39:01but that
39:02could be a
39:02different
39:02conversation
39:03but I could
39:06tell you
39:06some stories
39:06I mean
39:07I won't
39:07call any
39:07names
39:08now
39:08of people
39:08who started
39:09off having
39:09male gay
39:11friends
39:11and the
39:12male gay
39:12friend
39:12became that
39:13shoulder
39:14legs up
39:14on the
39:15shoulder
39:15so
39:16instead of
39:17the
39:17shoulder
39:17and the
39:19same
39:19you know
39:20but
39:20and that
39:21that
39:21that
39:22that
39:22that
39:22that
39:22that
39:23that
39:23that
39:23that
39:23that
39:24that
39:24that
39:25that
39:25that
39:26that
39:27that
39:28that
39:29that
39:30that
39:31that
39:31that
39:32I
39:32I
39:33want to
39:33throw in
39:34another
39:34scenario
39:34before
39:35before
39:35we
39:36close
39:36before
39:36we
39:37close
39:37here
39:37today
39:37to say
39:38that
39:38I
39:39am
39:39I am
39:40six foot
39:40three
39:41ball
39:42red
39:42man
39:42and
39:44I
39:45can
39:45say
39:45that
39:45I
39:46have
39:46lost
39:46all
39:47my
39:47my
39:48my
39:48female
39:49friends
39:49there have
39:50been
39:50instances
39:50where people
39:51really close
39:52to me
39:52the dynamic
39:53has changed
39:54purely because
39:55like you said
39:56they're in
39:56relationships
39:57or just
39:58generally
39:58with the
39:59advent of
39:59social media
40:00and people
40:01just talking
40:01and the
40:02negativities
40:02and people
40:03just seeing
40:03certain things
40:04that they
40:04don't know
40:04about
40:05the assumption
40:06is
40:06he's a
40:07player
40:07he must
40:08be boy
40:09if that
40:09woman
40:09with him
40:10something
40:10must be
40:11happening
40:11or I
40:12saw them
40:12out
40:12having
40:13lunch
40:14or I
40:14saw
40:15you know
40:15they
40:15went
40:15to
40:15dinner
40:15or
40:16their
40:16friends
40:16watch
40:17yourself
40:17day
40:17you know
40:18and that
40:18play on
40:19that
40:19can also
40:20be
40:20feeding
40:20in
40:21to
40:21these
40:21things
40:22because
40:22I
40:22can
40:22tell
40:22you
40:22the
40:23two
40:23women
40:23who
40:23I
40:24have
40:24had
40:24in
40:25terms
40:26of
40:26being
40:27have
40:28to
40:29create
40:29distance
40:30as a
40:30result
40:31of
40:31what's
40:31being
40:31fed
40:32naturally
40:33you know
40:33optics
40:34perception
40:35is
40:35fact
40:35so
40:36the
40:36husbands
40:37or
40:37boyfriends
40:37not that
40:38they
40:38believe
40:39anything
40:39has
40:39happened
40:40but
40:40because
40:41of
40:41the
40:41optics
40:41of
40:42it
40:42they
40:42asked
40:42to
40:43be
40:43pulled
40:43away
40:44or
40:44the
40:44question
40:45or
40:45anything
40:45that
40:45happens
40:46there
40:46and
40:47for
40:47me
40:47it's
40:48been
40:48a
40:48very
40:48sad
40:49period
40:49because
40:49I'm
40:49like
40:49I
40:50know
40:50with
40:52everything
40:52in me
40:53absolutely
40:54nothing
40:54is
40:55happening
40:55happening
40:56or
40:56will
40:56happen
40:57because
40:57the
40:58nature
40:58of
40:58that
40:58friendship
40:58is
40:59on a
40:59spiritual
41:00basis
41:00it's
41:01on
41:01guidance
41:02it's
41:02on so
41:02many
41:03other
41:03things
41:03of
41:03sharing
41:04things
41:04that I
41:04know
41:05you
41:05believe
41:05you
41:05should
41:05be
41:05doing
41:06with
41:06your
41:06wife
41:06but
41:07you
41:07have
41:08horses
41:08for
41:08courses
41:08and
41:09you
41:09have
41:09friends
41:10for
41:10different
41:10things
41:10in
41:11certain
41:11areas
41:11and
41:12the
41:12person
41:13I'm
41:13with
41:13might
41:13be
41:13someone
41:14who
41:14can
41:14spiritually
41:15guide
41:16me
41:16hence
41:16you
41:16have
41:17godfathers
41:17and
41:17godmothers
41:18etc
41:18and
41:19they
41:19may
41:19be
41:19the
41:19person
41:20you
41:20turn
41:20to
41:21for
41:21another
41:22point
41:23of
41:23view
41:23another
41:24perspective
41:24yes
41:24another
41:25perspective
41:25but
41:26as a
41:26result
41:27of
41:27look
41:29or
41:29attraction
41:34so
41:35there
41:35are
41:35instances
41:36and
41:36I'm
41:36stating
41:36my
41:37position
41:37as
41:38part
41:39of
41:39my
41:39closing
41:39women
41:41can
41:41have
41:42guy
41:42friends
41:42and
41:43guys
41:43can
41:44have
41:44women
41:44friends
41:44and
41:45whether
41:46you
41:46know
41:46bisexual
41:47can
41:47have
41:47male
41:48and
41:48female
41:48friends
41:48but
41:49you
41:49have
41:49it
41:49comes
41:49down
41:50to
41:50one
41:50thing
41:50as
41:51we
41:52talk
41:52about
41:52on
41:52manhood
41:53about
41:53morals
41:54and
41:55you
41:55knowing
41:55that
41:56this
41:56friendship
41:57is
41:58based
41:58on
41:59friendship
41:59and
42:00you
42:00know
42:01to
42:01yourself
42:01you're
42:01not
42:02attracted
42:02to
42:03that
42:04homo
42:05fashion
42:05apart
42:06from
42:06what
42:07that
42:07friendship
42:08brings
42:08and
42:09even
42:09more
42:10so
42:10in
42:11that
42:11particular
42:11scenario
42:12being
42:12cognizant
42:13of the
42:13environment
42:14so
42:15don't
42:15go in
42:15a
42:15corner
42:16don't
42:16go
42:17say
42:17I'm
42:17going
42:17and
42:17party
42:18with
42:18my
42:18friends
42:18because
42:19she
42:19dress
42:19up
42:19nice
42:19and
42:20you're
42:20taken
42:20out
42:20and
42:21the
42:21wife
42:22is
42:22staying
42:22home
42:22with
42:22the
42:22kids
42:22so
42:23you're
42:23going
42:23out
42:23with
42:23your
42:24hot
42:26friends
42:27and
42:27you're
42:27partying
42:28and
42:28whining
42:28and
42:29all
42:29these
42:29other
42:29things
42:29smarten
42:31up
42:31interesting
42:34interesting
42:35you want
42:36to
42:36where is
42:36it
42:37is your
42:39closer
42:39I know
42:40that
42:41make it
42:43count
42:43what I
42:44would
42:44say
42:45is
42:45to
42:46be
42:46honest
42:46what
42:47I
42:47was
42:48saying
42:48a
42:48little
42:48bit
42:48before
42:48whether
42:50however
42:50you
42:50define
42:51a
42:51friend
42:51or
42:52you
42:52define
42:52an
42:52associate
42:52or
42:53you
42:53define
42:54a
42:54colleague
42:54is
42:55to
42:55be
42:55honest
42:56about
42:56how
42:56you
42:56feel
42:57about
42:57somebody
42:57and
42:58what
42:58you
42:59were
42:59saying
42:59about
42:59the
43:00optics
43:00of
43:00things
43:01I
43:02agree
43:03with
43:03shun
43:03the
43:03very
43:03appearance
43:04of
43:04evil
43:04right
43:05whether
43:06or
43:06not
43:06you
43:07read
43:07the
43:07Bible
43:07or
43:08not
43:08shun
43:08the
43:08very
43:13morality
43:14part
43:14of
43:15it
43:15because
43:15as
43:16human
43:17we
43:17won't
43:18only
43:18be
43:18attracted
43:19to
43:19one
43:19person
43:19right
43:20you
43:21would
43:21feel
43:21whether
43:21in
43:22a
43:2250
43:23year
43:23marriage
43:23or
43:23not
43:24you
43:24would
43:24feel
43:25attraction
43:25to
43:25someone
43:26else
43:26so
43:26to
43:26be
43:27honest
43:27about
43:27that
43:27in
43:28terms
43:28of
43:28how
43:29you
43:29want
43:30to
43:30develop
43:30a
43:30certain
43:31relationship
43:31whether
43:32you
43:32want
43:32to
43:32call
43:32it
43:32a
43:33friendship
43:33whether
43:33you
43:34want
43:34to
43:34call
43:34it
43:34an
43:34associate
43:35etc
43:35be
43:37honest
43:37about
43:37that
43:38and
43:38also
43:39you
43:39would
43:40know
43:40you
43:40would
43:41be
43:41able
43:41to
43:41even
43:42feel
43:42whether
43:42it
43:43is
43:43from
43:43that
43:43person
43:44or
43:44even
43:44from
43:44yourself
43:45when
43:45something
43:46going
43:47into
43:47the
43:47realm
43:47of
43:48for
43:50want
43:50of
43:50a
43:50better
43:50would
43:50inappropriate
43:51for
43:51want
43:52of
43:52a
43:52better
43:52would
43:52you
43:52becoming
43:53so
43:53close
43:54to
43:54somebody
43:55that
43:55it
43:55taken
43:56away
43:56from
43:56the
43:56emotional
43:57and
43:57even
43:57the
43:58physical
43:58part
43:58of
43:58it
43:58because
43:59to
43:59me
44:00once
44:00you
44:00have
44:01sex
44:01with
44:02somebody
44:02across
44:02the
44:02platonic
44:03clients
44:03but
44:03even
44:04now
44:04the
44:04emotional
44:05part
44:05of
44:05it
44:05you
44:05have
44:06a
44:06friend
44:06of
44:07the
44:07opposite
44:07sex
44:08you
44:08start
44:09you're
44:09sharing
44:09so much
44:10that
44:10sometimes
44:11you forget
44:12to tell
44:13your wife
44:13or you
44:13forget
44:14to tell
44:14your husband
44:14certain things
44:15or you tell
44:15that person
44:16first
44:16before you
44:17tell your wife
44:18or your husband
44:18I do believe
44:19that that's right
44:20so it's being
44:21honest about it
44:22in terms of
44:22yourself
44:23however you
44:23define it
44:24and stick
44:25to whatever
44:25is your
44:26moral
44:26moral
44:27and
44:28moral
44:29values
44:30I mean
44:30I went down
44:31that road
44:31already
44:31in the sense
44:32that a
44:32girl had me
44:33there as a
44:34friend
44:34all the
44:35emotional
44:36sharing
44:36and I
44:37just
44:37there
44:37and I
44:37getting
44:37invested
44:39I was much
44:39younger
44:40at the time
44:40I was a
44:40NATO man
44:41at the time
44:41there was
44:42no action
44:42transport
44:43only
44:43I was a
44:46full NATO man
44:46just taking
44:47drop
44:48and she
44:49just sharing
44:49and I
44:50getting
44:50involved
44:51and I
44:51feeling so
44:52much
44:52in the mix
44:53and she
44:54wasn't on me
44:55and I
44:55feel her way
44:55and I
44:56you know
44:56realized that
44:57it can't
44:59work
44:59however
45:00it's an
45:01individual
45:02kind of
45:03scenario
45:03and I
45:04think if
45:04you have
45:04somebody
45:04who
45:05understanding
45:06somebody
45:07who
45:07both of
45:09you all
45:09share
45:09particular
45:10ethos
45:11and
45:11chemistry
45:12and the
45:12communication
45:13open
45:13and honest
45:14you could
45:15be accommodating
45:16to her
45:17male friends
45:18she could
45:18be accommodating
45:19to your
45:19female friends
45:20but naturally
45:20as the
45:21relationship
45:21I think
45:21get deeper
45:22and grow
45:23into a realm
45:23of again
45:24that benchmark
45:24as I mentioned
45:25which might be
45:26marriage
45:26naturally
45:28things
45:28just kind
45:29of fall
45:30off
45:30for some
45:31reason
45:31and it's
45:32not because
45:32anybody
45:33fall out
45:33you know
45:33people I
45:34think just
45:35understand
45:35that you
45:35know what
45:36this is a
45:36whole different
45:37life
45:38this is a
45:38decision
45:39to make
45:39to build
45:40this life
45:40with somebody
45:41so I might
45:41just pull
45:42back
45:42I'll pull
45:43back a little
45:44bit
45:44and probably
45:47you know
45:47it could
45:49work for
45:49some
45:49it can
45:49work for
45:50others
45:50but I
45:52think
45:52ultimately
45:53it's based
45:54on the
45:54individual
45:55and that
45:55level of
45:55communication
45:56and how
45:56open you
45:57and if
45:57the person
45:58willing to
45:58accept it
45:59if not
45:59I think
46:00you have
46:00to
46:00me I
46:01learn now
46:02to kind
46:03of
46:04peg back
46:04turn it
46:05down
46:05and say
46:05you know
46:05what
46:06if this
46:06is what
46:06I want
46:07and I
46:07want our
46:08relationship
46:08as man
46:09and woman
46:10to work
46:10out
46:10I'll have
46:11to kind
46:11of put
46:11that
46:11on the
46:12back
46:12burner
46:13for the
46:14sake
46:14of peace
46:15because I
46:15value peace
46:16more than
46:17anything else
46:17I want
46:18peace
46:18I don't
46:19want that
46:19in my
46:22ears
46:22when I
46:22come
46:23out
46:23I don't
46:23want that
46:24let me
46:31add to
46:32that
46:32right
46:32first of
46:34all
46:35as your
46:35wife
46:35let's go
46:36with wife
46:36being the
46:37highest
46:37definition
46:38that's
46:38supposed to be
46:39your best
46:39friend
46:39that's supposed
46:40to be
46:41your paramount
46:42person
46:43in fact I
46:43wouldn't even say
46:44your best friend
46:44that's supposed
46:45to be a
46:45reflection of
46:46yourself
46:46so in other
46:47words we
46:47are one
46:48right
46:49and I
46:49feel as
46:50together
46:50us being
46:51one
46:52we could
46:54decide
46:54who
46:56are that
46:57each other
46:58have as
46:58individuals
46:59you know
47:00in each
47:00other's
47:00life
47:01because again
47:01my wife
47:02and I
47:03are a
47:04unit
47:05so I
47:06may
47:06with my
47:07wife's
47:07permission
47:08have
47:09someone
47:09outside of
47:11our
47:11relationship
47:11where I
47:12could
47:12communicate
47:13and blah
47:13blah
47:13blah
47:14and it
47:15could be
47:15someone
47:15that I
47:15came into
47:17the relationship
47:17with but if
47:18this is the
47:18person that
47:19I'm choosing
47:19she has to
47:20be okay
47:21with the
47:22fact that
47:23this person
47:23is my
47:25friend
47:25right
47:26that I
47:26claim
47:27my friend
47:27right
47:28even if I
47:29loaned her
47:29some meat
47:30many many
47:31years ago
47:31right
47:32so I
47:34feel that
47:35and of course
47:35my wife
47:36would be the
47:36one who
47:37I would be
47:37saying these
47:38things to
47:38hey
47:39a cold
47:40night in
47:41Speyside
47:41I loaned her
47:42some meat
47:42you know
47:43son
47:43this is
47:44the situation
47:45however
47:45I watch
47:46her kids
47:47grow up
47:47come and
47:48meet her
47:48meet her
47:48kids
47:49and she's
47:49supposed to
47:50be able
47:51at least
47:51this is the
47:51person who
47:52I intend
47:52to marry
47:52to understand
47:54and grow
47:55with me
47:56and the
47:56rest of
47:56my friends
47:57and vice
47:57versa
47:57I want to
47:58meet her
47:58friends
47:59whether it
47:59be female
48:00or male
48:00who may
48:03have loaned
48:04her some
48:04meat in
48:04the past
48:05as well
48:05and I'm
48:06okay with
48:06that
48:07because
48:07at the
48:08end of
48:08the day
48:09what I'm
48:09doing
48:10is that
48:10I am
48:11I am
48:11I am
48:13trusting her
48:13morals
48:14her decision
48:15making
48:15her
48:16background
48:17and if it
48:18is that
48:18okay this
48:19is the
48:19person that
48:19I'm choosing
48:20I understand
48:22you
48:22she feels
48:23comfortable
48:23explaining
48:24and giving
48:25me all
48:25her history
48:27her facts
48:28right so to
48:29speak
48:29then I'll be
48:30like all right
48:31cool let's do
48:32this
48:32you know what
48:33going on
48:33I'm mature
48:34bro that
48:35is a big
48:35man thing
48:35that's why
48:36you
48:36take man
48:37with that
48:38big
48:38big
48:38chul
48:38and big
48:39big
48:39hearted
48:40to be
48:40like that
48:40because
48:41ego
48:42boy
48:43that man
48:43has
48:43bigger
48:43horrors
48:44woman
48:44too
48:45woman
48:45too
48:45so
48:47these
48:48conversations
48:49guys thank
48:50you so much
48:50for once again
48:51sharing
48:51these conversations
48:53you know the
48:54the show may
48:55end but the
48:56conversation
48:56always continues
48:57and it's
48:59something that
48:59we'll continue
49:00to converse
49:00about in
49:01manhood
49:02continue to be
49:02open to express
49:03to share
49:05opinions for the
49:06purposes of the
49:07show it's not
49:07necessarily our
49:08position but it's
49:09for the purposes of
49:10discussion on the
49:12show here at
49:12manhood to reach
49:13the audience and
49:15to meet you where
49:16you're at and to
49:17and to hopefully
49:18touch on some
49:18topics or thoughts
49:19that might be going
49:20through your head
49:21the the the
49:24the closing takeaway
49:25would be honesty
49:26is the best policy
49:27morals is what we're
49:29about and that
49:30honesty can come
49:31from you know
49:32where you stand
49:33you know where
49:33your feelings are
49:34growing or
49:35growing to
49:35honesty within
49:36your relationship
49:37I'm not about
49:38the fact whether
49:39it's your wife
49:39you don't have to
49:41necessarily be
49:41married it's
49:42whether you're in
49:43a relationship
49:43and that
49:44commitment is
49:45based on a
49:45specific
49:46understanding and
49:47what that
49:48understanding is
49:49is where your
49:49honesty then comes
49:50in to be able to
49:51divulge and for
49:52you to be honest
49:53even with that
49:53particular person
49:54so God is the
49:57boss everybody
49:57else is just
49:58pretending
49:59I'd like to
50:03thank our
50:03sponsors
50:04Jameson
50:04and Racetrack
50:06really really
50:07thank you
50:07gents
50:07Johanse
50:08Jay
50:09Niall
50:10always a pleasure
50:11yes man
50:13do women
50:13do
50:14can women
50:15have guy
50:15friends
50:16can men
50:17have guy
50:17friends
50:18can men
50:18have guy
50:19friends
50:19can men
50:19have women
50:20friends
50:20can women
50:21have
50:21female
50:22friends
50:22friends are
50:24friends
50:24honesty is the
50:25best policy
50:26thank you
50:27manhood
50:37brought to
50:38you by
50:38Jameson
50:39natural sources
50:40since 1922
50:41and